Ash's Ashes

Canadian. Overworked Receptionist/Billing Dept. Grab-bag of Queer (Bi/Pan, Nb-Genderqueer/Fluid). Randomness and ramblings. The blog of a lost mind. Please no hate on here. If you don't like something, walk away, don't be an asshole. New friends and question always welcome

[ashariajade]

So, my now blog is @asharia, you can find me there now. I am sadly losing this account due to not having access anywhere other than on the app on my phone (two step auth sucks ass).

[whitepeopletwitter]

[schrodingers-anarchist]

Villain: Dude, what about Frank?!

Hero: … who?

Villain: Frank! Franklin Jones! Wears my henchmen’s uniform, had the key to my door, GOT MURDERED BY SOME ASSHOLE TWO WEEKS BEFORE HIS KID’S BALLET RECITAL?!

Hero: … you know your henchmen’s names?

Villlain: OF COURSE I DO! I SEE THESE PEOPLE EVERY DAY! THEY’RE MY FRIENDS! What, you thought I just went to the fucking minion store and bought three hundred assistants?! People don’t work for evil overlords unless they really like the evil overlord!

Hero: Well, I mean, I though henchmen were just kinda… there?

Villain: … you thought Frank. Whom I entrusted with the key to my personal chamber. Who I named the godfather of my children. Was just. There.

Hero: YOU HAVE KIDS?!

Villain: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT?! WE’VE BEEEN NEMESI FOR DECADES!

Hero: WHY WOULD I KNOW THAT? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE I WANT DEAD!

Villain: HOW AM I THE VILLAIN HERE?!

[noctumsolis]

[somewhatstacey]

I just turned to my housemate and said, “y’know, we’d never know if we were haunted” because we have four cats between us, so every clunk, bump, and crash gets entirely ignored

and now I want a movie about a ghost becoming increasingly desperate to haunt a family but they have cats and so the poor dear goes completely ignored

[just-call-me-ella]

I’ve had this thought before. My cats aren’t allowed in the bedroom, and sometimes I hear them try to come in and just shout “No thank you!” at them. How hilarious would it be if I was really yelling at a poor ghost, trying to spook me.

[gettzi]

Between my cat and my ADHD (wait, where did I put my purse? Wasn’t just here? Oh it’s in the pantry. Eh, must be a brain fail. Again.) I would never know whether or not my ass was haunted.

[shiftingpath]

Spirit: (pulls out a tablecloth, everything on the table crashing onto the floor) Cat Owner: CUT IT OUT! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE DINING ROOM? Spirit: (nervously moves to the kitchen)

[whitepeopletwitter]

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

As your resident "essential" retail worker, if you can stay home...stay the fuck home.

It should not be this busy at my job.

If you don't need things and you're just shopping for things you want, go the fuck home.

[aquilacalvitium]

RESPONSIBLE-black-unicorn

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

LET ME TELL YOU

LET ME FREAKING TELL YOU

I NEVER THOUGHT WE'D HAVE TO GET THERE

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

Man tried to get into an argument with me about the price of a fucking Roomba. Sir I will buy you a broom, get the hell out of my face.

I'm starting to realize the way people view essential workers is the same way my ex thought I was essential.

I don't enjoy wearing the mask all the time but I do it because I need to. I don't want to be mailing out these orders but I do it because I need to. I don't want to be here in the first place but I do it because I need to. If I didn't need to be here because of bills, I'd be in my gotdamn house but I'm trying to make sure I can take help my family. Also, if you're a person who also works in essential job and you are in any way obnoxious to your coworkers, I hope you personally know that I hate you.

I'm so full of rage right now 😂

[lronbear]

You need to be that spark.

[thebibliosphere]

So tired of the fake sugar daddy bot accounts on my posts and in my inbox when my Patreon (x) and Ko-fi (x) are right there. 

[keltik]

get a job

[thebibliosphere]

I’ve got four, but thanks for trying.

[shitpostinguniverse]

[vbartilucci]

[just-shower-thoughts]

All of these stories of CEOs cutting their salary to pay employees are supposed to be feel-good stories, but if cutting one salary is all it takes to pay all of them, there’s something wrong.

[maltypass]

Damn just shower thoughts didn’t come to play today

[ghazal67]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

this is literally how i dance

[askinfresh]

This went from “wow that’s pretty neat” to “WTF ITS ALIVE” real quick

[excima]

she did that

[dinosaur-j]

Scenario: You are watching this puppet show, and then after the song is over, the puppeteer smiles at you as if to thank you for your support, then her and the wooden mouse depart in opposite directions. 

[bogleech]

If this thought hadn’t crossed anyone’s mind watching this already, re-watch it taking into consideration that gravity exerts an unpredictable chaos on dangling objects, that the puppet’s own wobbliness is most of the movement we see here and this woman simply has that flawless of a feel for how physics will continue moving the limbs at the slightest single twitch of her finger. This is a real deal fucking puppeteer no matter what her background or how long she’s been doing it. That wooden mouse is an appendage of this woman’s soul.

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

Listen, if on the one hand you worship a boundary-transgressing, plane-shifting, one-eyed god of madness and death, but on the other hand you’re still caping for all this normie bullshit like institutional racism and “top kek there’s only 2 genders lololol,” then you’re a joke and I'ma laugh at you. Git gud.

[capsgirl19]

He’s legit blood brothers with the genderqueer god of bottoming, when will yall learn

[audacityinblack]

Racism is cowardice.

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

Racism is cowardice and there are no cowards warming benches in the Corpse-Hall

[thebibliosphere]

In less terrifying existential dread, the Mothman’s been on a conference call behind me fo over an hour and I just heard him roll his DnD dice. 

Distracted fidgeting, or new problem-solving mechanism, we may never know.

[tekknonerd]

ETD: Have you tried….*rolls d20*…turning it off and on again?

[pens-swords-stuff]

[tacticaltaxonomist]

[stray-ashes]

This speaks to me on so many levels and i hate it

[loserofandraste]

Jaskier would have written all the ballads and bops about Renfri, just saying. She’d have been his muse. Nothing but Witchers and Black Sun Princesses.

[hamelin-born]

@theotherguysride

Yes but. But. But imagine Geralt slowly, painfully, telling Jaskier the story of Renfri. And Jaskier? He reacts as only a true bard can. 

He writes a song about it. 

Stregobor instantly becomes the most hated wizard on the entire continent, while Renfri is the Black Sun Princess, is remembered, is a model for little girls everywhere,. 

[tygermama]

Stregobor, that caterpillar eyebrowed bastard, gets exactly what he deserves

[loserofandraste]

From the infamous bard Jaskier, known most widely as the creative force behind the popular piece, “Toss a Coin to Your Witcher”, comes what is sure to be another classic: “Throw a Rock at That Wizard”.

[reasonandempathy]

[tiktokarchive]

Doctor: [singing to oneself]: Tka tka tooh, do do do do do do, de do do do do do beow beow beow beow beow beow buh nuh, bah dah buh buh buh buh, hey!

Someone else: Hey!

Doctor: What?

[waitwhatdidtheysay]

[for context, the plague doctor is scatting/humming the intro to the song ‘Come and Get Your Love’ by Redbone, transitioning into the beginning lyrics that the offscreen voice accompanies them on]

[plaidadder]

I gotta say that since COVID-19 hit I have been surprised by the number of people who just seem to have plague doctor masks and cloaks just...lying around?

[systlin]

I’m put out because work won’t let me use a plague doctor mask, even though I assured them I can insert pm 2.5 filters to make it functional.