I'm a self-dx autistic. When I tried to talk to my mom about it she said I couldn't be. She sees my cousin as a "typical autistic". His autism is far more severe than mine, and she doesn't think I'm autistic enough. Any advice on how to handle this?
Hello nonny, this is sad to hear and if I can impart some advice I’ll try my best. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t realize that - like so many other things - Autism is a spectrum and have this idea of the “typical autistic”. It is a mindset sadly a lot of people have, whether its because of ignorance born of lack of educating themselves or they have this stereotype stuck in their head.
Being educated is key. There is as much awareness and acceptance around Autism as there is ignorance and stereotyping around it.
Now, I obviously don’t know your mom or how she would react, but in your place what I would do is present her with the various truths and evidence about the Autism Spectrum - if you can get her to sit down and listen. Show her some articles, personal experience records, videos done by both professionals and those on the spectrum themselves. It is a scale, no one person presents the same way. Due the varying nature of the spectrum there are definitely types that are more obviously recognizable and easier to diagnose, however there is absolutely no such thing as “autistic enough”
Trying framing the reality of the Autism Spectrum in examples totally unrelated to it. This is a small one; there isn’t only one shade of red (or any other colour), there are various shades - some more distinctive than others but hey, its still red! To say there is only one shade of each colour is as ridiculous as saying there is only one “Autistic type”.
Here are some things I think should be kept in mind:
1) You know yourself better than anyone. How you feel and what you think is what truly matters here. No one can tell you who you are or what you aren’t, are they you? Nope, therefore, ultimately they have no say.
2) Dealing with ignorance can be like talking to a brick wall or a sponge. A person can be so steadfast in their beliefs that no matter what they are presented with they remain rigid, or they are open to new information. (of course these are things that may change)
3) Take care of and look after yourself. Do what is best for you. If she refuses to listen, you can keep trying to talk to her but ultimately you won’t be able to change her mind; only she can do that. All you can do is show her what you know, it is up to her what she does with it. She may listen, she may not, it may take time or not, you have to decide how important trying to help her understand is and if it is worth it. For your sake I hope she learns to listen to you. If not…you may just have to learn to accept she may never change her mindset. If this is something that doesn’t seem like it could change, it will give you more grief in the long run to keep ramming at that brick wall. You never know though, hope is everywhere.
Good luck, and take care <3 :)
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