Wait...Whaaaa???

Human Services/Support Staff in a Medical/Behavioral Group Home. Spiraling into insanity, one shift at a time.

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Dad Jokes

When you ask you dad for a ride and he responds with "Why don't you use your chevrolegs? Or your lamberfeeties?"

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Just in case you thought I was kidding.

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Me: “I met my husband in the military!”

Random old guy (not part of my conversation): “Women only join the military to find husbands.”

Me: “You ever think maybe he joined the military to meet a wife.”

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

So, where I live there is a church offering "drive thru prayers". I picture this as someone driving up all "Lemme get two dead uncle prayers, one whore sister with a small bit of hail Mary and.....throw in one forgiveness for sinful dancing, extra twerking on the side, it is Friday night after all...second window right?"

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Why is my popsicle stick so short?? I know they say that size doesn't matter but damn, this small size is getting my hand all sticky.

[copingnurse-deactivated20240217]

When a juicy story is spreading around the unit...

[gothicprep]

6 years later and avatar (the james cameron movie) is still completely incomprehensible to me. like you’ve got the highest grossing film in recent history and no one actually enjoyed it beyond “eh. it was okay”

[doyouhearthunder]

Avatar is such a weird anomaly.  It’s the highest grossing film EVER (not adjusting for inflation) by a huge margin and yet it left virtually no footprint on popular culture.  It had its 15 minutes of fame to the tune of $2.7 billion dollars worldwide, and within a few years it’s like no one remembers it even existed.  You only ever really see it mentioned these days in the context of its record-breaking box office.

[babyionian-deactivated20200611]

[thugilly]

Still haven’t seen it.

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Husband: "I know there was that cute girl...you know...the badass girl...the one that dies in every movie she's in...the pilot..."

[as-per-usual]

[tastefullyoffensive]

by Dami Lee

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

All the time. My whole life.

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

When I say "I love you to death" you may want to really read into the "to death" part. *shifty eyes*

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Laying on my bed, butt ass naked, because I'm too un-motivated and lazy to get dressed and start my day.

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Married Life

I’m going to start a new series with this title.

1) Every night the husband gets 2 vitamin gummies, 1 gummy bear, and 1 sour gummy. All of these 4 gummies need to be different colors. If not, he needs an extra sour and an extra bear, and they need to be arranged in a pattern.

But I still love him and his quirks.

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

When you meet someone that is trying to become best friends with your best friend...

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Groundhog says early spring....how can you have spring when there was no winter???? No groundhog, no! I want snow!

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Me: “It’s really cold out, my fingers are frozen, I need to get inside.”

Also me: *Ten steps from the house, put all bags down to fix sock that slipped off my heel…the shoe that I’ll be taking off in ten steps*

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Credit Scores

"Your credit score is one point off. But they aren't sure where these accounts are from because they don't match up to the account numbers you paid. You'll have to write a letter to get this eliminated so your score will go up. But you can't check your score to see if it went up or they were taken off....because that will lower your credit."

How the fuck does that make sense??? You can't get something because the imaginary numbers, based on accounts that no one has a record of, are wrong...and you can't check to see if they get fixed because that will lower them?? Why am I not allowed to run my credit without being penalized??? Who has control of this system???

[askthem-tellthem-makethem]

Me: “You’re asleep, put your tablet down.”

Husband: *half asleep* “You are the suppressor of inanimate objects. The spoons and forks you put away will testify against you, that you segregate them. You’ll only have yourself to blame. This tablet has earned its spot on me.”

Me: O.o da fuck???