ASK THE SIGNLESS

You are called the SIGNLESS. You have various INTERESTS that you dabble in when you aren't busy INCITING REVOLUTION. You are some kind of QUADRANT GURU according to NOBODY EVER, but trolls keep asking you to SORT OUT THEIR TERRIBLE LIVES. Helping them is secretly a nice break from BEING AWFUL AT SICKLEKIND and NOT GETTING YOUR FRIENDS KILLED, but you enjoy ACTING LIKE IT'S A TOTAL PAIN IN THE ASS. ASK SOME OTHER RAD BLOGS MOD LIFELINE

[asktrolljegus]

MY IDOLS ARE DEAD AND MY ENEMIES ARE IN POWER

ASKBOX IS OPEN, AND I’M GENUINELY SADDENED THAT WE ONCE AGAIN LIVE IN TIMES WHERE RABBLE-ROUSERS LIKE ME AREN’T JUST IDLE ESCAPISM, OR A FOND HISTORICAL SIDE-NOTE, BUT A VITAL NECESSITY TO SOCIETY.

BUT HERE WE FUCKING ARE; AS THE KIDS IRONICALLY SAY, “LOL.”

[asktrolljegus]

I'M AFRAID SO.

[asktrolljegus]

[asktrolljegus]

MINDED MY OWN DAMNED BUSINESS.

AT LEAST, I WOULD HAVE STAYED MORE ON THE DOWN-LOW... WORKED FROM THE UNDERGROUND TO GET MY MESSAGE ACROSS. BEING SO OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THE TREATMENT I'D GET OUT IN PUBLIC WAS A ROOKIE MISTAKE.

I'D PROBABLY HAVE A STROKE, AND/OR START DOUBTING THE IMPOSTOR.

YES, AND I'M REALLY GLAD TO HEAR THAT. IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO KNOW I'M NOT JUST FUCKING THINGS UP ALL DAY.

WHOM FROM THE WHAT?

THE DEAD ONES, MOSTLY. I KEPT TRYING, EVEN WHEN IT WAS LIKE HITTING MY HEAD AGAINST A FUCKING WALL. I GUESS I WON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO SOME OF THEM, SO IT'S HARD TO SAY.

I'D RECOMMEND ASKING THEM MORE ABOUT THAT. IT'S REALLY NOT MY PLACE TO SAY TOO MUCH. THERE ARE ALSO A LOT OF THINGS THEY DON'T TELL ME, ESPECIALLY CAPTOR.

I HOPE HE STABBED THEM RIGHT BACK.

SO THIS MAROON-BLOODED TROLL WAS GOING TO THE CAPITOL, AND SOME BLUE-BLOODS KICKED HIS ASS, STOLE ALL HIS SHIT, AND LEFT HIM FOR DEAD. A GREEN-BLOODED TROLL WAS PASSING BY, AND NOTICED HIM, BUT WENT ON HIS WAY. AN OCHRE-BLOOD SAW HIM, AND SHE HURRIED OFF TOO. BUT LATER, A SUBJUGGLATOR PASSED BY, AND SHE STOPPED, CLEANED HIS ASS UP, PUT HIM IN HER WEIRD CLOWN-CAR OR WHATEVER, AND CHECKED HIM INTO A FANCY HOTEL. SHE PAID THE CONCIERGE TO MAKE SURE NO OTHER HIGHBLOODS WERE ALLOWED TO KILL HIM, AND WENT OFF TO HER, I DON'T KNOW, CARNIVAL? ANYWAY, NOT ALL HIGHBLOODS ARE DOUCHEBAGS. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE A HIGHBLOOD OR A LOWBLOOD. JUST DON'T BE A RAGING SHIT TO PEOPLE AND YOU'LL BE JUST FINE.

EVIDENTLY, I'D TRY T9 SAVE THEM, GET CAPTURED LIKE A C9MPLETE RU6E, AND END UP T9RTURED T9 DEATH WHILE RECANTING LIKE A HUGE 6ITCH.

NO. HELL NO. I'VE HAD BIG WHINY GUILT TRIPS AND DITCHED THEM ALL BEFORE. IT'S DEFINITELY MY MOM WHO BEATS SENSE INTO ALL OF US.

M-MEOW...? I GUESS?

WHAT... WELL, I GUESS WE'D ALL FUCKING DIE? THAT WOULD SOLVE A WHOLE LOT OF PROBLEMS FOR EVERYONE, WOULDN'T IT?

WHERE ARE Y9U PE9PLE C9MING FR9M?

YO, FIRST OF ALL, HIS BLOOD COLOR IS TOTALLY IRRELEVANT, AND IF THEY'RE PULLING SOME CASTEIST ROMEOH AND GULIET SHIT, YOU NEED NEW FRIENDS. SECOND, COMMUNICATION, PARTNER. TELL HIM. TALK TO HIM. IT'S BETTER THAN DICKING AROUND FOREVER (LIKE ME) AND BLOWING IT UP INTO SOME HUGE THING. IF YOU LIKE SOMEONE, AND JUST ASK THEM THE FUCK OUT, AND THEY REJECT YOU, NO BIG DEAL. THERE ARE PLENTY OF FINBEASTS IN THE HORRIBLE, DEADLY OCEAN. IF YOU WAIT AND AGONIZE ABOUT IT FOREVER, THEN WHEN YOU FINALLY GET ROUND TO IT, IT'S NO LONGER JUST "SOME TROLL NOT WANTING TO GET A SANDWICH," IT'S "MY FUTURE MATESPRIT CUTTING THE RED THREAD OF FATE." THAT'S BULLSHIT. PLEASE JUST ASK HIM OUT.

LISTEN TO THEM. PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY LIKE AND DO THAT, EVEN IF YOU THINK IT'S BORING.

LET'S UNPACK THIS. YOUR MATESPRIT IS A DOUCHE IF S/HE THINKS IT'S OKAY TO STEAL YOUR KISMESIS. AND YOUR KISMESIS IS... ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD KISMESIS, I GUESS. BUT IF EITHER OF THEM GET  THEIR WAY, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE THE OTHER. I'D HAVE TO SAY, DUMP THEM AND LET THEM SORT OUT THEIR OWN SHIT. DATE SOMEONE MORE EMOTIONALLY HONEST.

MNUNIT AND DWEZIL.

HE'S KIND 9F CUTE, ISN'T HE? AND HE'S A G99D PARENT.

C9NSPIRACY THE9RISTS....

THAT'S REALLY INF9RMATIVE, THANK Y9U. ANYWAY, I'M HERE N9W, S9 I GUESS IT W9RKED 9UT A69UT THE SAME IN THE END, RIGHT?

PUTTING GRUBS THROUGH THE CAVE TRIALS. WOW, WHAT A MESS. I DON'T THINK THAT'S NECESSARY. I FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.

QUESTION EVERYTHING; EVERYONE'S NET HAPPINESS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL.

THANK YOU. I'LL DO MY BEST TO IMPROVE IN THE FUTURE.

[asktrolljegus]

sooo liiike, yooour a soort ooof a qurdrant guru riiight? well iii have a biiig proooblem that iii need sooome serious help. iii am head ooover hooorns fooor this guy, but I kiiilled hiiis moirail’s lusus, and nooow anytiiime he see’s me, he triiies to smash my head iiin! iii mean iii liiike that about hiiim, but iii want tooo be iiin a briiight red qurdrant wiiith hiiim, sooo gooot any iiideas on charmiiing hiiim iiinto me beiiing hiiis mate?

#iii’ve triiied everythiiing #nearly diiied one tiiime

Ah I hope I’m doing this right, if not I’m so sorry you can delete this or whatever, its for the v-day thing, I’m sorry ;w;””””” 

YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO HIS MOIRAIL. IF THAT DOESN’T WORK, YOU’RE PROBABLY SHIT OUT OF LUCK. IF SOMEONE’S MOIRAIL HATES YOU, IT’S OVER. BLACK OR RED. EVERY TIME.

((You’re perfect and I’m two months late but I had to post this. Wow, you really went the extra mile! You are great!))

[asktrolljegus]

IF I SAID S9METHING, AND N969DY WR9TE IT D9WN, D9N'T Y9U THINK IT'S 6ETTER 9FF UNREPEATED?

[asktrolljegus]

[asktrolljegus]

THE ONLY MAGIC!ANON I'LL EVER ACCEPT. THIS IS NOW A SURFERER BLOG.

(Special thanks to Pseudocon for this April Fools Day post. Sorry guys. I didn't suddenly become a good artist. It was a trap. My contribution to this endeavor is over at askthesheepmaid).

[asktrolljegus]

[asktrolljegus]

W9W, FRIEND. CAN'T Y9U JUST LET A GUY GET T9RTURED T9 DEATH WITH9UT MAKING IT WEIRD?

[asktrolljegus]

[asktrolljegus]

[asktrolljegus]

IS THIS A CAT PUN?

[asktrolljegus]

((Now that my scanner is working and I have access to my PC again, have some First Ship for Ari. Thank you for your patience. Back to your regularly scheduled asks soon.))

[helpfordarrty]

Cat joins in on the fun! Y’all know Cat as the mod of AskTrollJegus!

She’s an actual on-paper artist, folks! And willing to send you the originals if you want! Check her out on the Artist’s Page for all the details!

[asktrolljegus]

((It’s true. Check out the links above. All proceeds go to a great cause. Also, this is the ONLY way to commission me to draw non-askblog stuff; I don’t offer commissions anywhere except via helpfordarrty! So if you want me to draw you some other kind of Homestuck thing, or perhaps a Welcome to Night Vale or Attack on Titan or Dangan Ronpa or My Little Pony thing, for some reason, there is no other way to make that happen.))

[asktrolljegus]

PREVIOUSLY: 1 - 2

[laugh-out-loud-johntot-blog]

Today is national MOIRAIL day. Reblog if you love your MOIRAIL.