3 braincells in a trenchcoat (none of them work)

Hi, I'm Jade!  | they/them | Demisexual/nonbinary | 28 | Fan of Nuts & Dolts, Toga/Ochaco, SuleMio and resident Penny stan | plural

[ntrider]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

[ntrider]

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[aokozaki]

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

[ntrider]

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[aokozaki]

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

[ntrider]

wait! au au

[aokozaki]

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

[ntrider]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

[hypersensationalism]

literally could have been so cunty if they didn’t change the proportions…

[sagerenard]

oogh it looks different on my tablet but i tried my best for her !!

I’M SORRY BUT THE NORWEGIAN BUTTER CRISIS OF 2011 JUST CONFUSES MY GODDAMN BRAIN BECAUSE HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES AN ENTIRE COUNTRY RUN OUT OF BUTTER. DID NORWAY JUST COME DOWNSTAIRS LIKE: N:*Opens fridge* HELVETE N:VI KJØRTE UT AV SMØREN

[caffinatedstory]

I was gonna explain how the butter crisis happened. but then I noticed your fucking /hilarious/ attempt at writing “we’ve run out of butter” I’m not sure if you know but you just basically wrote: “We drove out of the lubrication”

[dude-the-ancient-dragon]

THE POST FROM THE LEGENDS! IVE ONLY SEEN IN SCREEN CAPS!

[persianmom-deactivated20251026]

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

[wizard-of-interesting-failure]

[slunch]

if I were an English teacher I would print this out and put it onto the wall next to a "reading is poggers" poster

[angeltiddies]

reverse gaslighting where i pretend to know exactly what you are talking about

[invaderxan]

academic conferences

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

Work meetings

[greenekatgrey]

Interviews

[ambulatoryhoodie]

Auditory processing disorder

[lemonsharks]

conversations with my cats who are yelling

[prismsgalaxy]

Me letting that little kid with their hyper fixation tell me every single fact they know about it

[helloitsbees]

Goncharov (1973)

[eggcup-deactivated20180129]

hey i have hiccups can someone scare me

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

[eggcup-deactivated20180129]

HOO!

thanks it worked

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

[eggcup-deactivated20180129]

……you can go now

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[lucky-clover-gazette]

imagine being jayce. his miraculously revived boyfriend can't feel things anymore and dumped his ass, and then the fucking lorax breaks into his lab

[unichrome]

I’m slowly beginning to accept the reality that 2007 was not last year but in fact almost four years ago

[alphacrone]

when you drink all the wine in the house and then you have. :( no wine in the house

[podcastwizard]

me when i excuse myself during a dinner party to sneak outside and milk more cabernet sauvignon from the Creature

[podcastwizard]

had food poisoning when i posted this

[martinkhall]

Well if you'd pasteurized the Cabernet Sauvignon you milked from the creature maybe you wouldn't have gotten food poisoning from it.

[podcastwizard]

oh suddenly everyone's an expert on the Creature i milk

[digitaldogpark]

the one where cheerilee knows

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[escuerzoresucitado]

[krismasdreemurr00]

[witheringsapphic-deactivated202]

please reblog this until i find my true love. i am so alone

[tables-but-with-a-very-long-name]

Made it poly friendly

[witheringsapphic-deactivated202]

oh hell yeah even better

[courtjester69420]

Made one for aromantic trans people 👍

[matcha4lifez2]

Not what i expected my first reblog to be but yippee!!

[viktor-sbor]

Off the coast of Australia Macroctopus caught the shark, wrapped all its tentacles around it and soon released it. Most likely, he scraped all the parasites off her.

[yournewfriendshouse]

the shark washerrrrrr

[c-53]

Another fun thing I do with customers - specifically parents of very small children who don’t know they’re alive yet - is directly imply I think the coffee is for the baby, not the parent. and lemme tell you, like 70% of parents eat that shit up. They immediately go along with the bit and start discussing it with their newborn child, while the baby just stares at us like 😮

[yournewfriendshouse]

[wholesomepostarchive]

9/18/2023

[koasku]

[maileater]

[captcreate-deactivated20251226]

[pricklylegs-deactivated20250727]

My dentist never gives me feetie warmers.

[ralfmaximus]

You’re probably not likely to claw the dentist’s face off.

[lightandfireandsunhavegone]

You don’t know that