maxxy j x

thoughts & vibes

[assconsciousness]

I’m going 2 review my feelings atm so yam danny and aaron (my biggest fans) I hope u enjoy xx

- currently very sad that edibles have started making me feel sick. I <3 getting high but it makes me feel sick nowadays and it is so upsetting.

- I feel like I’m not doing enough work so I feel like shit and then I don’t do any work because I feel like shit

- wondering recently whether people perceive me as androgynous... if I must be perceived I would like to be perceived as slightly confusing but I’m scared I just look like a Girl

- want a cuddle real bad. like so goddamn bad I’m so sad it could all be cured with a cuddle and a lil kiss

- i’ve been feeling very weird about my flatmates recently like sometimes I wake up and I’m convinced they hate me and then other times in the day I’m really angry at them for no reason???? n it’s meant that i’ve been a massive bitch recently I think and I hate it so much

- maybe that whole thing is just a bad sign for the instability of my mood

- uni mh services said i’d have an appointment in 8 weeks 10 weeks ago now. feel like it’d b real nice to talk to someone

- if there is something wrong with me it’s probably very mild

- I would love for someone to want me rn that would cure 90% of my ills

- if I get enough work done tomorrow (ie if I finish remedies for breach) I’m gonna get vaguely dressed up and take pics of myself being sexy

- I’m going to call my stepmum tomorrow and see if I can have the house at some point in the summer to have a brum sesh w the pals

- can’t believe I’m literally besties w people who hated me like 4 years ago it’s so weird

- also how me and odie hated each other until less than a year ago and now they’re the person who’s seen me most naked in the whole world

- that was badly phrased . anyway I luv odie and all my other friends so much MWAH

- cannot wait 2 change my name I need to get it sorted might start doing that intermittently to my exams so I can have a changed name as a reward to myself <3

- the only issue is my passport but we’ll sort that out xxx

anyway love u all besties idk if you’ll read this at all but xx

[lenialenient]

[yandere-angela]

postmarrital sex: you only have sex after you’re divorced each other

[motherfucker-unlimited]

[just-shower-thoughts]

There’s a certain sequence of actions you could do to become a billionaire in less than a week. You just don’t know which actions.

[assconsciousness]

perhaps the best ever pics of me xxxx

[assconsciousness]

terrified to do drugs tonight bc I know I’m gonna get incredibly horny and idk how that will manifest itself

[assconsciousness]

can’t log in to my old tumblr and delete it PAIN

[assconsciousness]

beammeupsoftboi material

[assconsciousness]

just found my old tumblr from 2017 about to #kms

ironic bc that is all I ever used to post about

it’s sad that I’m now p much just as annoying as I used to be

oh well <3

[assconsciousness]

my contract professor uses sounds in her lectures like if it’s a shipping case she plays the noises of a shipyard and currently she’s on about Paradine v Jane and is playing war sounds... wtf catharine

[assconsciousness]

contract law is so mf boring I hate this .

why r they talking about covid

like ik it’s relevant bc we’re talking about frustration but also my god I do not need to relive this in the academic sphere as well

[assconsciousness]

this brings me back to the days of yore when I used to have to check peoples tumblrs to see if they were going to off themselves xx mems x

[assconsciousness]

constantly scared all my friends will think I’m clingy or annoying literally all the time

[assconsciousness]

need more friends I can kiss

[assconsciousness]

I do this fun thing where I put quotes from the communist manifesto over my underwear pics and put them on dating apps to trick ppl into reading theory

[assconsciousness]

I’m looking at an empty picture frame

they say I should see me

unoccupied space in which I should be found

they say that I look pretty

pretty is a dagger

sharp and pointed towards my heart

carving pink inscriptions on flesh I can no longer recognise

drawing blood from cold and foreign veins

I look into the empty space,

feel my face repeat the training-

smile, stay quiet, be polite

but etiquette and elegance are far outside this frame

this frame, gilded with golden expectations

I see a man in a suit and tie

with slightly crooked teeth and slicked back hair

his eyes the deep blue colour of disapproval

a sapphire I have seen only in the crying eyes of my mother

mourning the life she planned for me

I take my pretty

scratch out the name engraved upon the plate

scorching tears roll down my cheeks

the dripping wax of a candle whose flame is nearing the end of its wick

and in the hardened drops I see a silhouette

upon unoccupied space, the brown backing board of my empty picture frame

I take the knife and trace the silhouette

no longer pretty, the blade is god

and in the genesis of a design I’ve dreamt before

I see myself for the first time

[assconsciousness]

am I gonna post poetry on here? perhaps I will