Cosimo Galluzzi
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
will byers stan first human second
if i look back, i am lost
d e v o n
🪼
blake kathryn
RMH
No title available
h
pixel skylines
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
styofa doing anything
todays bird
Monterey Bay Aquarium
$LAYYYTER
★
Keni
Sweet Seals For You, Always
seen from United States
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@asshole-paladin
We've known the Final Fantasy 7 Remake was real — at least, we were told as much last June at E3. Today, Sony kicked off its 2015 PlayStation Experience showcase with what looks like the first...
If you haven’t seen this yet, I suggest you watch it right now!! IT LOOKS AMAZING! And I am - for once - without words. (I may have something to say once I calm down a little)
Thoughts?
It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.
I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.
How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?
Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.
HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN
YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.
A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT
humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.
REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.
WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE
WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY
THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.
HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS
WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.
HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE
OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD
More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.
(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)
Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:
Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.
Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.
Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.
In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.
Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place.
We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps.
And by god, we will eat anything.
We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food.
We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin.
We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live.
We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out
We willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground.
Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places.
We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights
We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them.
On a planet full of lions, tigers and bears, we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet.
Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us
We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!
On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.
Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.
Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.
Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow.
The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.
Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.
We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it.
Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel.
They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?”
#an individual human being is actually a microbiome in its own right—you are dealing with a legion each time you approach them #they carry pathological agents inside their deep tissues and this is advantageous to their health #one of the most widespread and resilient viruses on their planet is treated as mildly hazardous—even though it causes #massive disruption to the body’s homeostasis #(their young offspring endure multiple rhinovirus infections EACH YEAR yet they seem unperturbed by this) #they have developed such long lifespans that now their primary threat is their own body’s degeneration #humanity has literally figured out how to survive so long that their body gives out under them #and they are not satisfied with that #stupid willful vengeful survivalists who treat mortality like a challenge
I am speechless
Because it's about fucking time someone wrote one of these.
This was sent to us by mrdorkabilly
I like this article a lot, and I 100% agree with the writer’s hatred of the Kender race as most of you know.
-deo
Has anyone made a videogame where you’re a princess locked at the top of a tower and have to fight your way down to ground level? Because dang.
Like, think about it: you’re given this nice little room and no objectives at all and when you open the door the guard says ‘stay in there’ so you wait and nothing happens and you open the door again and try and walk out and the guard pushes you back in and says things like ‘you’re our prisoner’ and 'where are you going, you’re stuck here’ and 'are you trying to meet your prince? he won’t ever get up THIS high’ and 'get back inside before I get mad’. But you can pick up a vase of flowers, and you can swing it around. And the thing is all the guards are expecting the hero to be battling his way up, and all this one wimpy little guard at the top is posted to your room for is to push you back into your room, so you can smash him over the head because he’s just not expecting it, and then steal his weapons. And after that you find that the guards are always bigger and stronger than you—and they get bigger and stronger every level down—but you can generally manage to get the first shot in because they’re waiting for the hero, and you’re the princess. And maybe there’s puzzles and stuff too, but you have to solve them backwards, working your way along from end to start, because they’re all set up for the hero. And when you get the bottom and you have the fight of your life because the guards are massed up waiting for the hero, tons of them with awesome weapons and armor and spells and you think it’s the boss battle, but when they’re all dead and the final ground-level door is free to open the credits don’t roll. And you realize there must be one more fight outside the doors, too, before you’re free, so you equip the best armor and weapons and potions you can find and go outside and you fight this one huge lone badass man on a badass horse in the sunlight. Then he’s finally defeated, and lying in the grass, and his horse is yours, and the credits still aren’t rolling. And you look at his corpse and you see he’s got a locket on, and in that locket is a picture of your face.
And then you realize that that was the hero.
And then the credits roll.
Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster
Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster – Body-Building Sorcerer Archetype, inspired by Flex Mentallo, Big McLarge-Huge and God Hand, based upon the Muscular Puncher, and with hugest of thanks to a super-cool friend for both edits and inspiration.
After years of eldritch exercises, building upon a dangerous heritage of inborn arcana and impenetrable willpower, a Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster’s body becomes a corded thing of impossible geometry and hideous strength; within their lean, towering and zero-fat forms, superhuman muscles speak to each other across the span of blood through esoteric and occult flexes, engraving arcane sigils onto their very sinew.
What a mundane enchanter accomplishes with voice, study and concentration, the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster does through sheer ripped, jacked and swole-up hyper-kinetics. Their herculean exertions and Olympian movements are physical incantations knitted through and behind the fabric of shattered, awed and humbled space-time.
Born better and pushed to the limit; well-oiled and protein-enhanced; focused hard-bodies in possession of secret exercise-manuals detailing push-ups man was not meant to know, the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster stores inhuman, inexplicable and incomprehensible power within his body exactly like winding up the clockwork inside a toy.
And by punching, he releases it.
Freak-Punching Muscle-Monsters often come from secret beach-side gymnasiums, otherworldly fitness-centers and dark weight-rooms dedicated to Nyarlathotep, journeying forth to travel the cosmos and learn the Nine Forbidden Punches, said to combine into the Apocalypse Combo, a force which could doom the universe … or save it.
CLASS FEATURES
Punching (Ex): At 1st level, a Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster gains Improved Unarmed Strike as a bonus feat. In addition, he gains the unarmed strike monk ability, treating his monk level as half his sorcerer level (minimum 1) for calculating his unarmed strike damage.
This replaces the sorcerer’s normal proficiency with all simple weapons.
Uncanny Flexing (Su): At first level, a Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster gains Eschew Materials as a bonus feat, as normal, and may further cast all spells without using verbal components; he casts all spells simply by benefit of his perfectly-calculated flexing, punching, oiling and posing. A Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster suffers twice the normal arcane spell failure chance as other arcane casters; for this reason, most wear as little as possible.
Arcane Beefcake: A Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster uses Constitution instead of Charisma when determining the highest level of spells he can cast, his spell save DCs, the number of spells he knows, and any class abilities or effects related to an ability score.
This ability replaces bloodline arcana.
Reverse Mind over Matter: At 15th and 20th level, a Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster gains a bonus feat. At each such opportunity, he can choose a metamagic feat or an Arcane Discovery, using his Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster level in place of a wizard level.
Limited Spells: A Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster chooses his spells from the magus spell-list, rather than from the sorcerer/wizard spell-list; he may also freely select spells from the bloodrager spell-list. A Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster never gains or learns spells of 7th level or higher, but may freely use Metamagic feats to fill those spell slots or may select spells of a lower level, as normal.
In addition, the limitation of a Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster‘s power lies at the tip of his knuckles; he is entirely limited to effects that could be delivered through a reality-warping punch or things that a person could conceivably do with the magic muscles inside their body. The range of all spells which affect another character – or otherwise allow for a saving throw – is reduced to 5 ft. when cast by a Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster.
The area of effect, however, is not limited in this way.
Thus, the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster may cast detect magic by squinting very hard and tensing his pectorals in a dimension-rending way, or he may cast false life by throwing Blue Steel and making his abs ripple in unholy accordance with antediluvian prophecies, but a fireball cast by the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster – the result of a near-relativistic-speed punch, thrown so hard into empty space that it causes oxygen to fuse and then explode around his fist – detonates in an adjacent square.
Similarly, he could break an object by punching it or hit someone so hard – yet so subtly – that they project a vision of hell within 50 ft.
At his highest level of ability, of course, the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster may disintegrate opponents with his fists or flex into a true form of the dragon.
The GM is the final arbiter of what spells have a limited range when cast by the Freak-Punching Muscle-Monster, and the GM may likewise freely prohibit the use of lame and inappropriate spells such as mount.
——–
NOTE:
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Dragon Age: Morrigan
Aradal
I choose …
To live by choice and not by chance
To make changes and not excuses
To be motivated and not manipulated
To be useful and not used
To excel and not compete
To listen to my inner voice, and not the random opinions of others.
We tend to focus on looking for love, hoping for love, and waiting for love. Yet if we look to others to meet that basic need then we’ll always be empty and unfulfilled.
That is, for others to love us in a healthy way, we must first be able to nurture ourselves … and to love and honour who we…
Reblog if you're a "Whatever the fuck I feel like posting" blog.
this gif just made my day lmao
Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.
Elizabeth Gilbert (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
Cat GM
posted by aspekt
Battlecry
by Waker
The Very Hungry Rust Monster is a mini-comic I made a few years back. I’ve seen it floating around Tumblr without attribution recently, so I’ve uploaded a higher-resolution version, properly credited.
Paladin by JiHun Lee
