Cowabunga Dudes

I’m Asterisk and this is my nerd blog where I post about whatever I’m hyperfixating on at the moment (they/It)

[sozvezdiyay]

Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)

But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.

And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.

And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"

[triassictriserratops]

also consider - hookup era - Shane has this exact same meeting with Bad Bunny and the two hit it off. And then there are PICTURES of Shane Hollander and Bad Bunny and Ilya has to See That™.

[gettownsburnmoney]

lavonte: i'm not gay

also lavonte:

hj this is why i'm absolutely in love with you

me and hj have done this dance before

mitch is jacked 👀

here are my very specific opinions on red wine

we love rome

american psycho is the best movie

sure i'll get on the back of your scooter to go to the food coop but first can we talk about when you fed me your blood and made me immortal and bound to you forever and we said we'd fight each other to death

[clytemnestraaa]

like it’s maybe going to sound odd but the fact that shane’s parents don’t realize he’s the horniest person alive is actually the crux of it. because it’s so clear that sex isn’t just sex to shane he is taking his entire strangled sense personhood and shoving it in the gay sex basket. it’s psychologically load bearing. it has eclipsed the basic concept of sexual desire and come to contain ALL libido and desire and want. like him being gay is almost inconsequential because it’s fine he can be gay in a bank of america pride float kind of way. but them not seeing shane as horny, not even in the way parents might typically assume their teenaged / young twenties son is horny, THAT is crazy and demonstrates that they don’t know shane at all. they bought the canadian teen heartthrob boy next door branding which they themselves designed. that’s Crazy.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

His mum in his hotel at 9 o'clock at night, his dad barging into his home without having gotten permission to come in first, as if the idea of Shane wanting/needing/deserving privacy anywhere simply never entered their minds. Is it any wonder Shane, a grown man, feels like he has to explain where he's going to Hayden, another grown man?

[commanderbabyboy]

@4me2knowandyou2wonder this about the runaways au mmmmm yummy tasty yummy

[tothecottage]

if shane had any sense of musical taste his favorite band would be vampire weekend

[tothecottage]

however #myshanes favorite artist is paul simon / simon & garfunkel and during his time with the metros he gets called gay for tearing up while listening to the boxer

[teathattast]

[asteriskemily]

Hello hello, sorry if this is a "beating a dead horse" type ask, but I was wondering if you had a list of the surnames of the kids from the Beware The Class In Room 37 work? I've been rereading it for ages and I know some of them have their surnames mentioned in the work but others don't and I uhhh Like Knowing Things (tm) (also I apologize if this has been asked and answered before)

Ooh good question! When I first read this, my instinct was to say that I never gave any of the problem students last names, but I went through my old notes and found out that I actually had full names for a lot of them.

The one’s actually listed in fic are:

Lucille Cohan, Selene Bishop (or Bishop-Lukas), Mory Hutton (it’s not mentioned in fic, but Mory is short for Morrissey. Yes he’s named after the musician), and Flint Mason.

The full names that I had in my notes that aren’t mentioned in fic are:

Araceli Issa, Avery Todd, and Bette and Benjamin Lastname.

Sadly Sal, Kit, Tamala, Simon, Samir, Milly, and Dolly never had full names as far as I can tell.

Bonus! Bette’s last name comes from a chapter I never completed where Jon is doing Parent Teacher Conferences. Lucy, Selene, and Bette all had Martin come in for their conferences since they had no one else to come in for them. Here’s a little excerpt from that:

“Wait,” Martin stared down at the small stack of papers that Jon had handed him. They listed the grades each of the three students were receiving. These three students didn’t have any legal guardians around to come to conferences, but Martin was close enough. “Her name is legally Lastname?”

“Well, technically she doesn’t exist, so she isn’t legally named anything.” Jon laughed a little at the mix of shock and concerned that passed over his partner’s face. “But yes, the school does have her listed as Bette Lastname.”

“Is that really funny or really sad?” He asked.

“It’s hard to say.”

[probablily]

i saw a comment on a tiktok the other day that was like "wow nobody talks about heated rivalry anymore" baby... you're in the wrong place

[loontattoo]

[fractally]

I think the thing about alternatives to the Ottawa plan is like. Ilya has depression. Ilya has depression from the first page of the first novel. There is no plan that prevents Ilya from having depression. Ilya's nervous system is wired wrong. Ilya wants to fuck and get drunk and be a visitor in his own life from minute one. Ilya can't be saved. He's fucking got the girl from the ring hunting him down and his depression is gonna haunt him in Boston it's gonna haunt him in Montreal it's gonna haunt him in New York City. He's doomed by the narrative but also he's saved by the narrative because Ilya is gonna be alright. The city doesn't really matter

[smokingrozanov]

Shane gets a text from Ilya in the middle of a Cens practice that’s like “please baby I need to see your hole so bad tonight” & he’s absolutely mortified. Once they’re in the car he starts yelling at Ilya about boundaries & how they cannot be SEXTING in front of their teammates & Ilya seems genuinely confused so he pulls out his phone & is like “oh sorry that was for Marley. That’s how I ask him if he wants to play XBox together”

[hardwrench]

to me, correctly using 5+ commas in a single sentence is like perfectly executing a combo in a fighting game. to me.

[little-theatre-fairy]

if you think a sentence needs 5+ commas it should be two sentences

[hardwrench]

it’s not about what the sentence needs, i’m afraid, nor is it about economy, clarity, or style. it’s about winning, little-theatre-fairy.

[startedwellthatsentence]

Comment on my MA thesis:

[agoldengalaxy]

rocky, pointing excitedly at grace: this is my new best friend, we keep sacrificing ourselves for each other and he’s also extremely malnourished. can we keep him, please please please?

adrian, who thought rocky died like 50 years ago and is still in the midst of the grieving process:

[autisticlittleguy]

"Grace Ryland is Rocky's dog" is such a funny fucking dynamic when you think about it

Eridians are further behind than humans technologically right? They dont have computers, relativity, quantum mechanics, etc. In fact, Eridians probably dont even know about the Big Bang because their atmosphere would filter out most of the cosmic microwave background radiation we use to detect it. On a human timeline, theyre anywhere between like early-mid 20th century. Rocky's basically a cosmonaut.

So the human civilization is pretty advanced from Rocky's perspective. Rationally he understands this. On a conceptual level he knows this to be true.

But at the same time... imagine youre one of the first ever cosmonauts to make it into space. Then you meet a 10 year old alien dog who cant do 2+2 without pulling out its calculator. It forgets everything constantly and has to keep notes everywhere, like it basically lives in Memento (2000). Also if it doesnt nap constantly it gets even stupider. And you somehow has to reconcile this with the fact that this dog has a better understanding of physics than your entire civilization does. Like the dog knows how the universe started.

[autisticlittleguy]

This isnt better from Grace's perspective btw. Eridians never developed computers, so all their ship systems are steered using basically the manual labor of 24 Eridians. Also theres no radiation shielding on their ship. Actually im pretty sure half the reason why Rocky is always busy fixing shit is because the radiation keeps frying all the onboard electronics, so hes always building and fixing and replacing components

Like imagine being a modern day sailor navigating the Pacific with GPS and strong hulls to protect against the raging ocean. And from portside you see like an honest to god viking ship. Except its made of some high tech carbon fiber material. But like, its still very definitely a viking ship. You can clearly see there's 24 oars along the hull where sailors are supposed to use to manually row their ship. Also the ship is leaking and theres like one little dude on board whos skittering around patching the holes constantly. Also this little dude is blind and doesnt know about water. Thats how insane Eridians look being an interstellar species without computers or radiation shielding.

Both of them thinks the other one is the completely ridiculous and absurd one and theyre both totally amazed at how far the other has come in spite of it

[megamindsupremacy]

yall think Grace ever got zoochosis. I’m imagining him walking in circles counting exactly how many steps it takes to go around the entire perimeter of his Dome ten times over while staring into the middle distance. meanwhile Rocky is shaking Adrian’s shoulders (?) going Honey We Have To Add Enrichment To His Enclosure. Adrian His Squishy Human Brain Is Melting. Do We Have Any Space Middle Schoolers To Throw At Him.

[lavenderprose]

Yes we all know that Ilya trained and molded Shane into his own personally-designed husband but the only reason he’s able to do that is because Ilya was chemically designed in a lab to be Shane’s. God saw Shane Hollander be born, said, “Oh. Yikes. Okay. Okay.” And then created Ilya Rozanov a month later. Like, “Here buddy, you’re gonna need this.”

[eggbedthewriter]

Fig canonically being a "super bubbly cheerleader" before she found out she was a tiefling is very dear to me. The idea that someone from her middle school is just watching the news one day and sees Fig Faeth, the popular elf girl from (presumably) Oakshield, covered in blood and with horns, just having killed Kalvaxus is so funny. "Oh Fig? The flyer from the cheer team? Yeah she runs hell now."

[corneliaavenue-ao3]

Reblog to give prev the power to write their fanfiction

[gnar-slabdash]

Reblog to give prev the TIME to write their fanfiction

[cutebutalsostabby]

Reblog to give prev the hocus focus to write their fanfiction.

[septic-dr-schneep]

Reblog to give prev the energy to write their fanfiction

[imsopopfly]

Reblog to give prev the executive function to write their fanfiction

[the-bar-sinister]

Actually, the reason to write that rarepair longfic that no one else is going to read is so you can go back and re-read it yourself when you're sad.