such a funny thing grief is
it's been 2 and a half years and now i can go weeks without thinking about him
but it all comes
crumbling
down
one night while showering when i realize
my godfather who nicknamed me "blondie"
my godfather who would stop me at parties to ask if was eating and drinking water and not just playing
my godfather who gifted me the book i asked for and the action figures i didn’t just because he knew i liked them
my godfather who gave me way too many clothes from his store
my godfather who was always laughing and cracking jokes
my godfather who was alwys the first to arrive and the last to leave
my godfather who was always down to do anything as long as he was with his friends
my godfather who had three sons so he used to say i was the daughter he didn’t have
won’t be at my wedding
he won't meet my boyfriend, won't joke with him, won't say "how this fragile ass boy is enough for my goddaughter?" while laughing, won't kinda jokingly kinda seriously ask "what's your business with my goddaughter?"
my godfather won't be at my wedding
i don’t have a wedding date, nor do i have a boyfriend so i don’t have to think about my wedding
but it's a monday 2 and a half years after he died
and i know
my godfather won't be at my wedding.
i have a boyfriend now. in 2 weeks we will celebrate our 1 year dating anniversary. we talk about the future, about a wedding.
sometimes i imagine what he would do now about my boyfriend. which jokes he would make. which things he would say. i know i'll never know
after all
it's a thursday 3 and a half years after he died.
and i also know
my godfather won’t be at my wedding

















