Astronews

[astro-news]

RP Starter

(+intro post)

Hello, and welcome to Astronews. The one news network you can trust.. In space. I'm your host,*static*, and I'm stranded here. The sun still exists. And, more importantly-- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

[astro-news]

They say the lord yoinketh and the lord yeeteth. Well I say we should do it in the reverse order. Using black holes.

Wondrous idea!

[voices-of-amora-ezlin-and-marisa]

And we're live with a surprise interview - well, surprise for them because I broke in - with, uh.. Oh! Marisa, what's it like being dead?

@astro-news

Well, it's mostly boring. Sure, you can scare people, manifest anytime you want, and phase through walls. However, there's downsides. For instance, most people can't even feel my presence, let alone hear me at that.

[astro-news]

Well ya heard it here first folks, being dead is kinda mid!

[astro-news]

BRO GOT YEETED

I guess I did, yes.

[mother-of-evil-chaos]

Greetings! Okay, interview time. @astro-news

*Grabs you and then yeets you away*

No

[astro-news]

GOD DAMmmiiit

[major-tom-official]

...

*insert Pan staring at you from the shadows. Very mysterious. Very spooky.*

@pan-as-in-moon

…is that strange space rock looking at me?

[pan-as-in-moon]

...

meow.

*he moved closer, vines tangling around Tom's legs*

stay put.

...

odd creature...

[major-tom-official]

W-Woah, Hey now- be careful with those-

[pan-as-in-moon]

...hush.

*the vines tightened*

what are you? a moral?-

[major-tom-official]

Mortal? Yes very, very mortal, please do not kill the squishy human-

[pan-as-in-moon]

...

*the vines loosened a bit*

...

do you have organs, moral?

[major-tom-official]

Uhh, yes? I would assume everyone does?

[pan-as-in-moon]

*he seemed a little offended*

I don't.

[major-tom-official]

Huh… w-well they’re annoying anyways, you wouldn’t want them in the first place, hahaha…..

[pan-as-in-moon]

*the vines suddenly pulled him upside down, and he poked their belly*

...

and if I do want them...?

[major-tom-official]

UHHH- I W-W-WOULD PREFER IF YOU DIDNT TAKE MINE-

[pan-as-in-moon]

I do not want yours!

..

*he moved behind Tom, a vine trailing up to trace wear his stomach would be.*

.....

i want you to get me some...

*hands, warm and soft, grabbed his shoulders, it was still intimidating...but they were...friendly...*

[astro-news]

I have spare organs and nowhere to store them if the astronaut who doesn't have a news show for some reason doesn't get you any.

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

Uhhhh, taking that one at a time

Yes, Major Tom

Also yes

Earth

It was fine when I left

No?

And the rest of what you said was horrific so I’m just gonna pretend you… didn’t

[astro-news]

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

[major-tom-official]

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

[astro-news]

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

[major-tom-official]

………w h a t

[astro-news]

Have you met them or not?

[major-tom-official]

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

[astro-news]

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

[major-tom-official]

*long pause*

Cool cocococoolcool- I’m just gonna- sit on a… rock or something and…. Process, I guess?

[astro-news]

oh you can sit inside the ship. Just don't touch the news equipment. Or any big red, blue, green, purple, white, black, orange, or multicolored buttons

[major-tom-official]

No no, I’m fine- just- y’know… war crimes aren’t really my… style?

[astro-news]

I said it was an accident. Okay anyways we have to retake that the microphone didn't pick up a damn thing you said.

[major-tom-official]

…I’m gonna go insane here aren’t I?

[astro-news]

Nah. I've been here for atleast a month and I'm fine.

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

Uhhhh, taking that one at a time

Yes, Major Tom

Also yes

Earth

It was fine when I left

No?

And the rest of what you said was horrific so I’m just gonna pretend you… didn’t

[astro-news]

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

[major-tom-official]

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

[astro-news]

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

[major-tom-official]

………w h a t

[astro-news]

Have you met them or not?

[major-tom-official]

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

[astro-news]

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

[major-tom-official]

*long pause*

Cool cocococoolcool- I’m just gonna- sit on a… rock or something and…. Process, I guess?

[astro-news]

oh you can sit inside the ship. Just don't touch the news equipment. Or any big red, blue, green, purple, white, black, orange, or multicolored buttons

[major-tom-official]

No no, I’m fine- just- y’know… war crimes aren’t really my… style?

[astro-news]

I said it was an accident. Okay anyways we have to retake that the microphone didn't pick up a damn thing you said.

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

Uhhhh, taking that one at a time

Yes, Major Tom

Also yes

Earth

It was fine when I left

No?

And the rest of what you said was horrific so I’m just gonna pretend you… didn’t

[astro-news]

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

[major-tom-official]

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

[astro-news]

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

[major-tom-official]

………w h a t

[astro-news]

Have you met them or not?

[major-tom-official]

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

[astro-news]

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

[major-tom-official]

*long pause*

Cool cocococoolcool- I’m just gonna- sit on a… rock or something and…. Process, I guess?

[astro-news]

oh you can sit inside the ship. Just don't touch the news equipment. Or any big red, blue, green, purple, white, black, orange, or multicolored buttons

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

Uhhhh, taking that one at a time

Yes, Major Tom

Also yes

Earth

It was fine when I left

No?

And the rest of what you said was horrific so I’m just gonna pretend you… didn’t

[astro-news]

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

[major-tom-official]

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

[astro-news]

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

[major-tom-official]

………w h a t

[astro-news]

Have you met them or not?

[major-tom-official]

Uh- N-No? I… I’m more confused than anything-

[astro-news]

Oh. Well, anyways, every celestial object is alive. Fun fact I was extremely wanted on Earth by every police force JUST because I accidentally destroyed a portion of a large nation and started world war 3

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

Uhhhh, taking that one at a time

Yes, Major Tom

Also yes

Earth

It was fine when I left

No?

And the rest of what you said was horrific so I’m just gonna pretend you… didn’t

[astro-news]

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

[major-tom-official]

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

[astro-news]

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

[major-tom-official]

………w h a t

[astro-news]

Have you met them or not?

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

Uhhhh, taking that one at a time

Yes, Major Tom

Also yes

Earth

It was fine when I left

No?

And the rest of what you said was horrific so I’m just gonna pretend you… didn’t

[astro-news]

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

[major-tom-official]

…I’m just gonna…. Yeah just gonna process that later- also who’s them?

[astro-news]

The living planets and moons and shit of course.

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

Uhhhh, taking that one at a time

Yes, Major Tom

Also yes

Earth

It was fine when I left

No?

And the rest of what you said was horrific so I’m just gonna pretend you… didn’t

[astro-news]

Yeah, uh, apparently Earth is gone. Have you met them yet by the way?

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[major-tom-official]

Oh- uh- I’m… fine? *He tilted his head slightly* Who are you?-

[astro-news]

I am *All that was heard was static.* And you're... Tom, you said? So! Are you stranded? What planet are you from? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EARTH and have you seen something with enough power to destroy a planet? Recharging the planetary destruction cannon for if one of them is violent isn't exactly easy. And that probably still won't be enough for the worst of them.

[major-tom-official]

*Radio Static*

Hello? This is Major Tom, I’ve just landed here and I was wondering what’s going on?

[astro-news]

Ah, fellow astronaut. How are you doing? *They shoved a microphone at his helmet*

[voices-of-amora-ezlin-and-marisa]

Could I interview you all for the news?

@astro-news

Is there a reason?

[astro-news]

For. The. News.

[akitheastralwalker]

Maybe launching an anti-planetary laser could bring you back to your realm. That or kill you! And I happen to have one! :D

@astro-news

I decline

I've decided to stay here

It's way more fun than my original realm

[astro-news]

cmon. Pleeeeaaaase?

[akitheastralwalker]

No

Go shoot the one known as G

[astro-news]

Please, inform me of where this 'G' is located.