Elmo is my only friend

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[silvermoon424]

Nazis crashing the fuck out at Elmo for no reason is one of my new favorite genres. Literally this pic:

[blignick]

[bunjywunjy]

this is actually HILARIOUS because both domestic rabbits and domestic cats practice dominance-related social grooming but for wildly different reasons.

if you're a rabbit, the boss rabbit is the one who gets groomed by its subordinate rabbits.

but if you're a cat... the boss cat is the one that grooms the other cats.

BOTH these idiots are going "aw yeah, it's good to be on top >:) "

[beardedmrbean]

[assortedcrackers]

I am losing my shit right now

[thetimetostrikeislater]

[bloodied-wolf]

[fenris-returns]

Black coffee enjoyers fighting the longest war known to man

[boatgrave-deactivated20250901]

[mysteryteacup]

*Scrolls past*

*reluctant sigh*

*scrolls back up*

*rebogs*

[the-radio-star]

Finally some good fucking news

[twocubes]

fgdgsjskahdfas

i am, cryying;

[elanorpam]

it LOOKS like the rats love to play hide-and-seek and are having a grand time... but we can't say that FOR SURE, so we really have no choice but to play more hide-and-seek. for science.

[jackabbot]

SUPERSTORE • S2E10 ↳ “Black Friday”

[ruinedchildhood]

[stardynamite]

THE WAY SHE POSED AFTERWARDS HFKFBDK

[stardynamite]

My artistic rendition:

[great-and-small]

I hate that I’m always trying to find cool biology themed stuff to wear but all the “nature inspired” clothing companies just have like two crossed arrows or a minimalistic mountain on a sweatshirt. Fucking lame, that’s barely even nature-adjacent. Put the life cycle of a salamander on a jacket, put hyena skeleton patterns on leggings, put a damn field guide of birds of prey on a peacoat and THEN you can have my money. Do NOT give me a shirt with a leaf on it that says “stay wild” or some bullshit I would much prefer clothing that broadcasts to everyone around me how many teeth an adult Jaguar has or how some pitcher plants can catch and digest rats.

[fishgummy]

recommendations from the notes :)

studio 252MYA (paleontology)

ray troll's webstore (surrealist fish designs)

liberty graphics t-shirts (biology/dinosaurs)

present indicative (science-themed clothing + home items)

donbea tees - something fishy collection (silly fish puns about substance use)

crime pays but botany doesn't (botany/biology)

umvvelt (marine biology patterns)

morningwitch (nature patterns)

svaha USA (science patterns)

cognitive surplus (some clothing, but mostly home items)

motel777 (cryptic + nature)

curlworks (cute silly critters)

fossilforager (animal apparel + accessories)

quailtea goods (animal art)

loonpflug (plants and insects)

cotton crustacean (marine biology, paleontology)

byte size treasure (marine biology)

bird collective (birds)

paleontological research institution

carmico (nature patterns)

fullarktees (bug apparel)

phdoodleshop (microbiology/cell biology/etc)

smartsquid (various animals)

sipsey wilder (animal/nature/dinosaur accessories)

bleachedbonesstore (paleontology)

mustardbeetle (animals/nature)

edit: removed camp mustelid because of their association with zoophiles

[runby2]

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

[runby2]

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

[alonelybeemakingart]

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

[gay-jesus-probably]

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

[theprofessional-amateur-deactiv]

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

[bippysaurus-rex]

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".

[cheesepoon-deactivated20231010]

@rmilkies

[byrdsfly]

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

[astraltrickster]

This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy

[moon101]

tumblr please stop telling me to wd40 a mouse

[longhorned]

[ruinedchildhood]

[mariogolf-deactivated20160726]

slowly approaching bear

[zaof-deactivated20140807]

the bears will be in eventually

[ww-swagabond]

Bear will arrive sooner than thought.

[gravegospel]

BEAR IS APPROACHING AT ALARMING SPEEDS

BEAR IS GO FAST LOSING TRACK OF BEAR

BEAR HAS REACHED MACH ONE

WE HAVE LOST VISUAL ON BEAR

[australian-frog-cakes-deactivat]

He nyooms

[wistful-pigeon]

[unicornlamps]

[wormy-business]

The backstory for the horse is that he injures anyone who tries to ride him

[guiltyidealist]

[scientia-rex]

I love him. The murder just shines out of his beautiful face

[st-just]

Remember, history was awful. Never trust the romantics.

[booksandchainmail]

#you want to know a sentence that rewrote my brain:#most people have never been 20#more than half of humans ever born never made it to 20#which. is so crushingly sad to me i can't think about it for too long and also weirdly tempering when i'm angry at the state of the world#most people have never been 20! is it any wonder we're bad at being people sometimes! it's so new. we're young to it#anyway#i'm so stupidly grateful to live in the present and for modern medical technology (tags via @thoughtsformtheuniverse)

[naivan]

[somethingusefulfromflorida]