astrovisionary

a certain periphery

[astrovisionary]

i’m pretty happy now. it’s weird writing here because i feel like im talking to my past self.

i really love bts though. i don’t know what that means. it’s easier for me to love artists that much instead of regular people. i have too much love. only something unreal can take it. i can just love other people a normal amount of “a lot” instead of the magnitude of my real capacity to love.

if i love you, you will never be loved the same way, the same amount, ever again. but not everyone wants that, or can handle it. and ultimately i can never be loved the same way back, except in the surreal way an artist can love the phantom, obscure you.

both my favourite bands before have loved me that way. but the older i get, the more experience i have, i appreciate grounded things more. the romance in the every day; a romance that is not necessarily poetic or beautiful. something more naive and earnest.

more and more i think about the end of my life, and when it’ll be, as my youth fades away. being smart makes me sad. sometimes i wonder if i could have been more useful to the world. but everyone disappears, in time. am i really that important? no. sometimes i’m ok with that and sometimes i’m not.

bts is so beautiful to me because they are doing what i’d love to do. i can’t help but love them. because they love so much. or at least appear to. it’s comforting to watch them love.

[perpetualburn14]

Drew Barrymore 1993

[sheabutterbitch]

How are you so wise???

trauma

[astrovisionary]

idk how it works but my life and outlook has been a lot better since bts came into my psyche.

i feel like anything is possible and i’ll be ok.

i’ve been healthier and more focused. sometimes i feel old… but i think that’s normal.

i wish i had 1 or 2 friends to be really close to. i have good friends but they’re not like bffs. i would like that again.

[foxes-in-love]

[dapenguinninja]

chaotic neutral energy

[astrovisionary]

🤔

[mxnrique]

[free-range-tiddies]

Damn they can't follow basic instructions 😭 Why are they dancing like this is a Maroon 5 song??

[lexiiaaahh]

i have been laughing so hard at this. like… ???? what are they doing????

[cosmic-noir]

This was nonsense from start to finish lmskdkdkkgk

[blackjame]

So apparently this is very much intentional. Black creators on TikTok have indeed gone on strike. And whether people realize it or not, this is the result.

If your head isn't in the ground, you know that Black creativity is often rebranded with a white face. That Black people tend to come up with the dances to these popular songs. But you wouldn't know that based on who actually gains something from it. Wanting credit, actually getting it? Gets you labeled entitled or mean and is like pulling teeth.

And don't even get me started on the way Black people on TikTok are swept under the rug or how these "not" racist fans get their panties in a bunch when people point out their white faves culpability in the mess.

But anyway, Black TikTok apparently noticed this trend of appropriation and theft and got fed up. So some of them banded together and promised not to create a dance to Thot Shit.

We'll see where this goes but I'm proud that they're standing up for themselves. Enough is enough. Black TikTok creatives are the backbone of that app. Credit and support them.

[i-am-corbin-dallas]

Please ppl with tik tok add more of these😂😂😂 i need the laugh

[astrovisionary]

i wish anthony bourdain was still alive.

it would be slightly less creepy that i still want to marry him.

god you were magnificent. so so magnificent.

[soft-aggression]

i think im having two mental break downs at the same time and they're canceling each other out

[thebootydiaries]

tumblr text post: no one will ever love me im ugly and gross

me: same

tumblr text post: im perfect why am i not the ruler of the world

me: same

[astrovisionary]

so it seems i can never get my health/life back together with my own self determination. i have to do it for a band.

this is the 3rd time around. i’m not even mad.

why can’t i do it for myself? i don’t care enough about what other people think. but i also know it’s still gross to not be healthy and lazy (see above).

it’s bts. yes i too am surprised. but am i?? i spent my life loving artists who have a definite dark and twisted side. and then personally getting to know those people really made me think about what energy i really wanted to be around me. not to say i didn’t receive immense amount of love from them that i will treasure until i die. i just want to believe in good things. or maybe normal things... i think i really need that right now.

i think a lot of people think of bts that way, that’s why they’re so big. and that’s actually nice. i like the idea of army. yes i could very well be deluded. maybe i like fandoms because i don’t really have a family. i’m not mad at that either.

[davepetasprites]

someone: how do you feel?

me: thanks for asking I Have No Idea

[astrovisionary]

everyone’s concern is always appreciated.

but i am always prepared to not be ok.

i read my old twitter posts and it reminded me of a time when multiple people told me put of the blue “it must be exhausting to be you”. why did that make me proud? i have spent a lot of time killing time.

i don’t really know what to do. i’m not like a career type of person. but during this quiet time in my life i’m realising chaos is, in fact, my friend. and i don’t need to have a big plan.

but i like to dream big. dream a bit crazy. freak people out. freak myself out. i’m not really scared to fail. though definitely sometimes... i’m scared to try. which is strange since i don’t ever regret anything.

[astrovisionary]

life is extreme.

have you ever hoped for a place you didn’t have to hold back? or hoped you didn’t care that you do.

i really do enjoy extreme. i enjoy the dream. the fantasy. but real.

the last week i’ve been telling myself i’m deluded. really deluded. just to try and get me to be more normal. and then i ask myself “what’s so good about being normal?”

i’m getting older but i stil look young. and to be honest id rather burn out than fade away. i’ve been weak for 4 years. can i dig myself out of this?

[phoebedynevors]

DREW BARRYMORE in Poison Ivy (1992) dir. Katt Shea

[astrovisionary]

i have a new friend and he is pretty cool. i don’t feel self conscious being a nerd. and he is a nerd too. why is this feeling so rare now for me?

it’s nice when someone likes you to act like they like you. and it’s not weird.

because i’m so sick of you acting like you like me and telling people you like me but then just being weird!! i already said i liked you!! unless it’s just a game.

humans are so stupid sometimes

[astrovisionary]

it’d nice to find someone i don’t have to be super self conscious with.

i’m tired of thinking “you’re not the one. i’m not the one”.

i just want to be alone and i want to be happy alone. or... i want to be able to be who i am when i am alone, with someone else. i guess that’s true contentment.

[thegetty]

Charles B. Brigham published a book titled Surgical Cases With Illustrations in 1876 containing grotesque yet important advancements in surgery. Here we see one of the more mild case studies of a man pre (right) and post (left) cheek restoration surgery. Peruse the full contents of the book…if you dare. 

[yarter-deactivated20170523]

Flipped / Switched

[ruinedchildhood]

Paris Hilton Breaks Down Her Favorite 2000s Trends