tu me manques

it happens again every single morning.

[evan-sterling-blog]

Evan wasn’t entirely sure she’d heard them at first. Distantly she wondered if her mind had been playing tricks on her. She had been half asleep, after all. But the sound came again and the sudden fear in the pit of her stomach told her that it was very–very–real. For a moment Evan was froze there, sitting against the wall she’d fallen asleep against, the night when she’d lost her brother and mother flashing through her mind. Clickers had haunted her dreams ever since and she wouldn’t ever be able to forget the sound even if she’d wanted to. “Shit,” she hissed out, getting to her feet silently. “Clickers.” Letting out a low whistle she tried to wake the person closest to her. They all needed to move. And now.

[athena-reich]

A ghost of a smile appeared on Athena’s face, waves of happiness washing over her body. Her father was alive, forever and always, in her dreams, in her heart. Sitting on a swing, she felt carefree like she was one with the wind as he pushed her from behind. It was in the little things. She was more than content to be stuck like this forever, not having to worry about surviving. But hope was dashed in a matter of seconds once she heard that sound. An all too familiar sound. Swiftly turning around, she saw nothing but an abundance of trees. Her father had disappeared as if he was never there. Jolting awake from her dream, she took a moment to calm her breathing. “Clickers?” She questioned with a heavy gulp, pushing herself up to her feet. “Crud, we, uh... we need to get with the others.”

[rydercxstillo-deactivated201603]

“Just remember, there is nothing we can do about it now. Just try and move on.” Is he telling her that or himself? Maybe he wasn’t even talking about Daniel at all. Who actually knows anymore. “Yeah, yeah. No problem. It’s natural to cry during shit like this. Means you’re human.”

[athena-reich]

“Cry and people tell you not to be sad, because it’s that simple and these words somehow fix it,” Athena said with pursed lips, trying not to let irritation show on the surface. “It shouldn’t feel weird hearing that from you, but... but it does. Heh. Nonetheless, it’s um... it’s much appreciated, Ryder.”

[nikoliwells-blog]

in a moment of weakness | athena + nikoli

@athena-reich

Like most nights, Nikoli was having trouble sleeping. Actually… it wasn’t like most nights. It was only the past two years of nights that he had trouble sleeping. He had gotten used to sleeping on a bed. The ground and trees were comfortable only because he had to keep telling himself they were comfortable. However, Nik had gotten used to sleeping on a mattress – and he’d gotten use to sleeping with a pair of arms wrapped around him. What more, Nik couldn’t sleep that much because everything came flooding back to him the second he closed his eyes. All his mistakes, everything he’d done to survive that he regretted were all on his mind as he lay down to rest. It had been a tough week as well. He’d gotten punched by Silas, attacked by a horde of infected because he’d followed Ross, had a long and very personal conversation with Evan, and argued with someone he never expected to see again. 

As he closed his eyes to fall asleep, Nik couldn’t even get himself to stop thinking about what happened. Nik felt the tears before he could stop them. Everyone else but the guards were sleeping, as far as he could tell. Nik pressed his hands to his face, trying to keep any noise muffled because he didn’t want to bother anyone who was sleeping. He curled up in a ball, trying to calm himself down, but the tears just kept coming. He had no idea why he was crying. There wasn’t anything that happened this week that he could take back at this point. Nik needed to get over the shit that happened this week, rather than dwell on it. He didn’t realize that his sobbing was getting louder and louder as time went by. He hoped he’d fall asleep soon; he just couldn’t get calmed down to relax. He could feel the tears staining his pants. He had no idea if anyone could hear him, but he needed to calm down. 

[athena-reich]

Athena blankly stared at the the sky, counting the stars. Some nights, she could let her worries go and sleep like the dead. Those nights, she only felt relief after letting herself cry. It calmed her, relaxed her, and made it easy to sleep. Some nights, she would toss and turn, thinking about everything. She hated feeling like she was stuck, restless and unable to do much of anything. It was one of those nights.

Carefully pushing herself up to her feet, Athena started walking with no destination in mind. She just needed to move, control the restlessness she felt inside.  An all too familiar sound made her pause as she tried to discern where it was coming from. Without much thought, she slowly made her way toward the source. Each step was slow, calculated, like she was walking on clouds. She couldn’t afford the risk of accidentally stepping on leaves and find a weapon pointed at her face. Nearing closer to the sound, she blinked rhythmically as she tried to see who it was.

Nikoli.

The image of him curled up in a ball sobbing made her heart ache. Despite his callousness to her earlier in the week, she still wanted to help. Swallowing heavily, she slowly walked toward him like she was being pulled toward a magnet. It was pure instinct, when Athena thought she would’ve remained frozen in place. “Hey,” she muttered out softly, reaching to touch his shoulder before pulling back at the last second.

[deantheprxtectxr-blog]

Dean shifted his weight from foot to foot, unsure of how to respond. “Well, you…Cry if you need to, I guess.”

[athena-reich]

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, Athena let out a long, shaky breath. “I think... I’m good now. Yeah, I’m good.”

[nikoliwells-blog]

“You’re fine aren’t you? You weren’t bit. You aren’t hurt. You’re still alive. Isn’t that what matters more?” 

[athena-reich]

I... well... okay. Sorry. I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have said anything.

[cassiejxmes-blog]

“I’m sorry for your loss.” To be honest, the blonde was the first person who had said something nice about David, at least, from those Kit had talked with since his death. She meant it, too. Everyone knew loss in this world now, it was your daily bread; it didn’t mean life had become disposable as some tried to make it seem or had come to believe. 

[athena-reich]

“I’ll be okay,” Athena said softly, unsure of what to say or do. She hated this, the feelings of awkwardness, always wanting to know the right things to say to make everything better. But she tried, and that mattered, right? “I think I’m going to host a little memorial service for him. He deserves that, at least.”

[maestusjane-blog]

Maybe you’re different. I survive. That’s what I know. 

[athena-reich]

Maybe so. But I’m more than happy to help expand your knowledge.

[miserorums]

“And that’s the beautiful thing about opinions!” Adam exclaimed, sarcasm dripping with every word. “Everyone is entitled to their own.” Leaves and twigs snapped under the weight of his boots as he walked towards the tent that seemed to have been knocked over by the wind. Using his crowbar, he lifted the tarps up, taking a peek of what was underneath the mess. “Here we go,” Adam said to himself as he kneeled down and pulled the tarps away. A mess of prescription bottles and other first aid items just laying about. “Oh, and good luck letting all of those emotions loose when a group of runners come to attack. I’m sure if you cry and lay down in fetal position they’ll leave you alone.”

[athena-reich]

Maybe so, but your opinions are shit, Athena wanted to say. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Biting her bottom lip, she dug her fingers into her palm. Her patience was running thin and it was taking all of her restraint to not snap at him. There is a heart of a lion within the spirit of a lamb. She did not want to unleash the beast, the idea of it scaring her. There was no need to add oil to the fire. “Okay,” she murmured out after a long silence, wanting to escape from the situation.  Deep breath in, deep breath out. “Mmhm,” was all she mustered out, flashes of anger evident in her eyes. She had killed dozens of runners, but she wasn’t about to let him know that to try and win the argument. If he wanted to deeply underestimate her, she would let him.  Her curiosity was piqued upon seeing the prescription bottles as she made her way towards the spot and got onto a knee. Grabbing a bottle, she held it up in the air and studied it intensely. “This is for, uh... this is for... huh. Well, okay. This is for constipation.”

[maestusjane-blog]

people are not rain or snow or autumn leaves. they do not look beautiful when they fall.

[maestusjane-blog]

The world would be better without pain. I’m alive because I breathe, not because I hurt. 

[athena-reich]

It wouldn’t be. You speak as if life is all about surviving, but there is so much more than that. Emotions are a big part of it and... they make us human. It’s okay to feel.

[nikoliwells-blog]

“People die alone every day. They did even before all of this and they will even after we  die. There’s no need to cry about it. It’s life.”

[athena-reich]

Okay then. Thanks for the reality check, I guess. I needed someone to dictate how I should feel today so it doesn’t make them uncomfortable. Appeciate it.

[miserorums]

At that moment guilt should have clawed at Adam’s heart. But it didn’t. Never did he feel that sting of shame that so often seemed to drown others. The only thing he felt was complete and total apathy which seemed to be his detriment when it came to social interaction. “The world we live in doesn’t call for sadness,” Adam commented, turning away from Athena. The annoyance faded from his system as he continued to scavenge the ruins of what was once a campsite. 

[athena-reich]

Athena bit her bottom lip, a small groan escaping from her throat, tired of being told how to feel. Normally, she could brush off these comments. Normally. But she had heard it too many times in the past week and enough was enough. “So I guess it’s better to be broody and callous and bottle up everything because that’s strength? Guess what? It’s not,” she said with a huff, getting down to a knee and pulling back weeds.

[wordsnquotes]

Your absence has gone through me Like thread through a needle. 
Everything I do is stitched with its colour.

W.S. Merwin, “Separation” (via musingisms)

[maestusjane-blog]

Alive is breathing, not crying. Crying is just hurting and there’s nothing good in hurting. You wrap up your heart to keep it from bleeding, just like anything else, and you keep breathing.

[athena-reich]

It hurts because it matters. Pain tells us we are alive... and that there are things worth fighting for. Without it, we would not be able to value the joy and beauty of the world.

[maestusjane-blog]

People say things that aren’t true, even if they mean them to be. You want us to be safe, but you’re crying.

[athena-reich]

I know you mean well and I appreciate it. I really, really do. But I don’t particularly like this implication that I’m weak and how I’m a danger to you all simply because my heart feels heavy. It should be welcomed, not denied. Tears help heal. The world is a blessing and I like to remind myself that I’m alive. 

[nikoliwells-blog]

“Then why are you crying?” 

[athena-reich]

A man died... alone. I can’t help but wonder how lonely he must’ve felt in the end when he realized he was turning into one of... them. Just imagining it hurts my heart.

[buriedbody]

His eyes flicked upwards towards her in curiosity. There were still many who knew how to read, but it was rare to find someone who actually read novels. He flipped his copy of The Lord of the Flies in his hand. Silas wasn’t actually reading him when he realized the other’s presence, he was just running his fingers over his father’s annotations. If he had been reading it, it was likely that he wouldn’t have noticed her there at all. “It’s one of my favorites,” he admitted.

[athena-reich]

“Mine too,” Athena replied back with a pleased smirk, trying to keep her excitement low-key and failing hard.  “The amount of symbolism in it is kinda ridiculous. The author really goes out to make you think about.. everything. Like... how society holds everyone together and without it... our morals and values are lost. It was pretty confusing the first few times I read it, because I didn’t get to see the world for a long time,” she said tentatively, looking down at the table. “I’m always getting something new from it every time I read, so... that’s how you know it’s an excellent book.”