we were always a losing game
characters included: albedo. zhongli, venti, kaeya, diluc, childe
summary: not all loves are meant to be. even epic love stories sometimes fade to nothing at all. here is why is wouldn't work out.
He looks right through you. Even in your most intimate moments, you get the sense that Albedo isn't really here with you. His body maybe, but his mind is somewhere far, far away. You can ask him about it all you want, attempt to reach that place he leaves you for, but all you get in response to your efforts is a small smile and a gentle push away. Does he not want you to become a part of his world. By the way he looks at you, it seems he hasn't even considered that you could join him. That there could be a place for you at his side in whatever future he holds in his mind's eye. So now, even in the present, the place beside him stands empty.
He thinks he is so different from you. Perhaps he even thinks he's better. He has lived for so much longer after all, has seen so much more of the world and it's people. You could never see things the way that he does. At first, his stories were strike awe into your soul, images of a world unlike the one you exist in presented with the same allure as a fantasy story. Slowly however, it begins to become something else. A world held apart from you, an experience you could never be a part of. Something to be held over you. You can't relate to him anymore, this god who wants you to be what he is, to speak to him about things you know nothing of and mold the world around you with a power like his own. It feels sometimes, as though he is comparing you to someone else, as though there was once a person who could fulfill this standard he holds you to. Even as you walk away, you hope that he can return to that person.
He will never truly be yours. Venti will never truly be anyone's except his own. Personal space is an important concept, and one that you can easily respect, but this goes beyond that. No one is a freer spirit than him as he flows away with the wind on a whim with not even a message sent your way about his whereabouts. Sometimes he brings you back souvenirs, but little trinkets cannot replace the time with him that has been lost. Any attempts you make to address the issue are dodged with frightening ease as he hops of to someplace new, always without you. He comes back one day and you are not there to meet him.
You don't know him, and you're not sure you ever will. He draws his fingers slowly down your cheek and whispers silky words into your ears and yours alone, but at their core, they are hollow. His smiles and the flowers on your desk in the morning and the drinks that you never seem to end up paying for. They are romantic gestures sure, but they're not from Kaeya. They are from this projection he has created, a man meant to be seen and lauded while its creator melted into the shadows, forever just out of reach. You give him a chance, asking just once, to be able to meet the true Kaeya Alberich. When he brushes you off with a wry comment and kiss brushed against your knuckles, you know that it is over.
He wants to protect you, unaware that you've been protecting yourself all your life. Gentlemanly gestures of walking you home, taking you by the elbow, and whispered guarantees of your safety turn into possessive pulls at your wrist and killing glares aimed at any who dare even glance your way. The feeling of someone looking out for you is a warm and comforting one, but you are not a helpless flower. You have been living in this cruel world just as long as him, you know how it works. His grip on you tightens day by day and you're suffocating. You tell him as much, but all he has to say is that you don't know this world like he does. You don't understand how much could go wrong. Perhaps that is true, but you're willing to face this harsh world on your own if it means regaining your freedom.
You can't keep up with him. Not for lack of trying of course, you'll chase after him to the ends of the earth, picking him up when he falls and patching up his wounds just for him to go running into the thorns of battle once more. Eventually though, you just can't follow him any longer. You can't constantly be at his back when he falters, can't face him when he turns to you with sunken eyes and blood dripping down his face. You can't support someone who treks forward constantly, only really looking at you when he fails. He'll find a sturdy backbone, or even a twin soul eventually you're sure. It just isn't you.
