one shot, one kill

It's been so long omg but I'm back now guys :') add me on snap: thranduils_elk

[sherlockbringthejam-deactivated]

“Money won’t make you happy”

Yeah, financial stability is just horrible

[b00bologist-deactivated20260104]

You’ve yeed your last haw

[queenlohaanda]

my kids: dad what’s for supper? me: ooh hunny i am serving looks tonight kids: we haven’t eaten in 3 days

[deanhoney-deactivated20220819]

aragorn’s instagram consists of aesthetic nature stills and legolas’s instagram consists of blurry photos of aragorn taking the pictures

[wizardbenedlund]

aragorn’s instagram is only horse pictures

[deanhoney-deactivated20220819]

you are, of course, correct and i was too much of a coward to say it

[racybiscuit]

[love-sck-deactivated20200202]

[sagihairius]

my hot topic cashier had big buttons that said “ask me about my fursona” and “submissive” on his lanyard but no name tag because thats just too personal i guess

[higgzorz]

i wish soulja boy would walk into my house and crank dat, killing me instantly

[daddywain]

[howglorygoes]

Alexa just outed me to my family on Christmas

[howglorygoes]

I used the amazon-suggested tutorial command “Alexa, play happy music” and she had the nerve to say “playing Gay Pride Party Playlist”

[microtear-deactivated20181213]

Me

[the-pundertaker-deactivated2020]

[unregardless]

professor: *sends out an email to the entire class about some assignment* 

me:  

[evolvedleo-deactivated20170414]

me, procrastinating: haha it’s okay I work best under pressure! :)

me, working under pressure:

[lannisteraf]

You didn’t do it because you cared about my atonement. You did it because it f e l t g o o d

[lilmissvirgo-deactivated2022070]

me watching my own snapchat story: she is so damn funny i love her 

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

Drink water, get plenty of sleep, go mad in the forest, speak with the dead, take your meds, don’t talk to cops

[bimbinis]

you know a joke that never EVER gets old is when a character says smth like “I will NOT go to [place] and that is FINAL” and then it cuts to them in that place I eat that shit up every single time

[mechagodzilla]

sorry i missed your call i was dual wielding