BG3 Modern AU Ski Trip
"This is a terrible idea," Astarion announced as he stared at the ski resort, looking very out of place in his pristine black coat, a cashmere scarf wrapped artfully around his neck.
“You say that about everything,” Tav pointed out, nudging him.
“Yes, well, I’m usually right,” he quipped. “And in this case, I just know someone is going to die. Probably Karlach.”
Karlach, overhearing: “THAT’S THE SPIRIT!”
Lae’zel cracked her knuckles. “Finally, a test of physical prowess I can enjoy.”
“You’ve never skied before,” Shadowheart reminded her.
Lae’zel smirked. “Yet, I will be the best.”
Karlach clapped a hand on Lae’zel’s shoulder. “We’ll hit the black diamonds together.”
“Absolutely not.” Wyll stepped in, shaking his head. “Neither of you has ever set foot on a ski slope before, and I, as the only responsible adult in this friend group, refuse to let you kill yourselves.”
Gale, adjusting his rental skis: “He’s not wrong. We should all probably start on the bunny hill.”
Karlach crossed her arms. “Bunny hill is for cowards.”
“Bunny hill is for not dying,” Shadowheart countered.
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“Alright, everyone stay in control, keep your knees bent, and take it slow,” Wyll instructed from the top of the hill.
“OR—” Karlach said, already pushing off at full speed.
“Karlach, NO—”
But it was too late. Karlach was gone, a bright red blur tearing down the slope, screaming “I’M A WINTER GODDESS!” at the top of her lungs.
Lae’zel, inspired: “I AM ALSO A WINTER GODDESS!” And then she, too, launched herself down the hill.
Gale squinted after them. “That’s… not how you’re supposed to do it.”
“Oh, they’re so dead,” Astarion muttered.
Tav, shaking their head fondly, took off next—graceful, controlled, actually skiing like a sane person.
“Alright, alright, let’s go,” Wyll sighed, following them.
Shadowheart rolled her eyes and lazily pushed off. “Let’s get this over with.”
That left Gale and Astarion.
“Come on, then,” Gale said, nudging him.
Astarion smirked. “Oh, darling, no.” He gestured to his boots. “I didn’t even rent skis.”
Gale blinked. “Then… why did you come on a ski trip?”
Astarion smiled. “For the aesthetic, obviously. And to drink overpriced wine in the lodge while the rest of you imbeciles throw yourselves down a mountain.”
Gale sighed and shook his head, muttering something about “wasted potential.”
