[assassinregrets]

what if i just rest my eyes for a second

[assassinregrets]

what if i just check out whats going on under this cozy blankie for like a minute. two minute

[assassinregrets]

oh no

[helloitsbees]

How did you give yourself an EAR INFECTION eating pussy

im just gonna screenshot from a text i sent my friends after the doctors visit

[helloitsbees]

you can’t fucking do this to me

[pointless-achievements]

Achievement Unlocked:

A Noble Sacrifice

Never has there been a more righteous and honorable way to get an ear infection.

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[dreadgf]

plural rapper who lists all of their alters as features on an album

[helenvaughans]

[captainjonnitkessler]

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[rattlingwormbin]

Snug as a bug in a rug

[hottestroadkill]

i think chris flemings is one of the only comedians thats going to get into heaven

[ampervadasz]

[masterkfox]

my two brain cells

[vigilantsycamore]

This is what executive dysfunction looks like

[a-book-of-creatures]

Inside you there are two hamsters…

[startistdoodles]

Happy 30 years to the most important series in my life

[dietranch]

[heathcliffgirl1847]

when people are named baker or fuller or tanner or something its like HA 🫵 I KNOW WHAT YOUR GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANDPA DID 🫵🫵

[targetedknowledge]

[damazcuz]

(Smugly after failing at a task) and they said it could be done.

[redstonedust]

got a lovehate relationship with routine and repetition. yes if you put me in a repetitive situation i will start chewing on myself like a caged animal. but also no if you interrupt my self imposed routines i will start crying. this has made me so super good at being in the workforce #trust

[feralratbitesu]

this grave keeper edible aint shit

[feralratbitesu]

who gors there ,