[assassinregrets]

what if i just rest my eyes for a second

[assassinregrets]

what if i just check out whats going on under this cozy blankie for like a minute. two minute

[assassinregrets]

oh no

[yellow-cat]

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

[ceruleanheaven]

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

[uncertainlys]

i hope everything works out in the end because i am so so scared

[lakesbian]

saddest thing that can happen is a cat so delicately and cozy putting their small apple head on your leg like a pillow to sleep while fully unaware that in like five minutes you're going to get up to go eat because they don't know human language or how time works

[sandersstudies]

Me, having been immobile for three hours: hmm I should get up and pee

The world’s tiniest angel: time for snomgol my mommi :)

[laterkiss]

i have this deadly sickness called remembering

[laterkiss]

don't even remember posting this

[dogpuppy]

[sealydan]

[parkchanwoohoo]

It is so fucking funny to me how easily scandalized some people are wym callout post for a cannibalism kink. Grow up. This is the nothingburger leagues and you're throwing up in the stands

[anomalocaris-in-da-clurb]

It’s actually the peopleburger leagues

[parkchanwoohoo]

Blocking for being funnier than me

[shitter]

absolute gold on Reddit today

[ceruleanheaven]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

[helloitsbees]

How did you give yourself an EAR INFECTION eating pussy

im just gonna screenshot from a text i sent my friends after the doctors visit

[helloitsbees]

you can’t fucking do this to me

[pointless-achievements]

Achievement Unlocked:

A Noble Sacrifice

Never has there been a more righteous and honorable way to get an ear infection.

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[dreadgf]

plural rapper who lists all of their alters as features on an album

[helenvaughans]

[captainjonnitkessler]

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

[hometoursandotherstuff]