dangerous masks

“I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love.”

[austinrickards]

a monkey's uncle ; daniel

[daniel-smithchristopher-blog]

It confused Daniel to no end how he had become so dependent on the other male on the line and yet he had let his guard down the moment he had met him. Of course Daniel had been different then. Less defensive, more open to letting people into his life. But much had changed since then. The person that had made him believe in all the things that he was now sure never really existed was long gone. But the other male was the one constant in his life. Fights that should have drawn them apart only served to bring them closer in the end, no matter how stubborn the two of them were. He nearly choked trying to hold back the laughter that Austin’s words set off, but he caught himself in the end only letting out a cough. “I’m sure that would please you more than anything, dear. But alas, I am no one’s mistress,” Daniel sighed dramatically only slightly disappointed that Austin couldn’t see the pained face he was currently feigning. It was no wonder there were constant rumors of the two being involved together. But those three little words made Daniel bite his lip, dropping the character he had stepped into in favor of a small smile crossing his face. And even though Austin still managed to hold his own, Daniel knew Austin really meant what he said. “Yeah, I know that.” And Daniel might have not said it back, but it’s what he meant in those equally small words as his hand grasped the doorknob, finally letting the cold air mingle with the heat inside. Twirling? Was Austin really twirling in the snow? Daniel bit back his laughter, choosing to watch him for a moment before he was sure Austin would notice him and stop. He held the phone to his ear until the echo of Austin’s next words reached him before dropping it to his side and hitting end. “Imagination, right. I suppose I’ll let that slide for now,” Daniel crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe. “Now I know I call you snowflake, but does that really mean you have to try to turn into one?”

[austinrickards]

Austin released a snort of laughter, unable now to keep in the laughter that threatened to burst out through the entire phone call. It had been a while since he had kept up with the charade the two had going most of the time, making it easier to lose focus. “Oh, come on now, Daniel. You know you’d never be the mistress to me. Kismet, babe. It’s why we’ve been together for so long.” It could also be because of their stubbornness and refusal to give up, but he figured that wasn’t faux romantic enough for their current conversation. He peeked his eye open when he heard the sound of Daniel’s voice, closer and stronger than a phone call would allow for. A small grin made its way onto his face when he saw Daniel finally come to join him out in the snow. He slowed to a stop with his twirling before he moved over to the other male and threw his arms around him. Without bothering to reply just yet, Austin buried his face into Daniel’s neck, pressing his cold nose against the skin there. “You were the one keeping me out in the cold.” He replied, but even that knowledge couldn’t keep the grin off his face. His words weren’t meant to bite anyway. It was him that had started it all and so he couldn’t really blame the other male for keeping up the charade for a moment longer, even if it did mean that he was stuck out in the cold longer. As soon as he had warmed up a bit, he pulled away from Daniel and walked past him to enter the house. His eyes roamed over the familiar scene until he eventually turned around to face his best friend once again. He schooled his features back into a neutral expression then tilted his head to the side in question, “Miss me?” It was mostly a joke. They never were people that liked to share their emotions often. Yet, he knew that if he were asked in that moment he’d have been honest. He had missed Daniel. Dearly. The past school year had been the longest they had gone without seeing each other in a long while and he hadn’t liked it at all.

[samueldawley]

Rejection filled his body when Austin drew his hand away from Samuel’s and he knew he did a poor job at hiding it. Sam was quick to school his features, putting his own hands in his pockets and looking away from the younger man. Years together and Sam still struggled navigating around Austin sometimes. He supposed the alternative was the truth as well, it was what came with having a long lasting relationship, but at times he felt like he was truly messing up. Like this time - Sam knew he came here fishing for a fight someway because old habits die hard. It wasn’t fair to Austin that he was trying to push for a conversation when all of this only started because of his own necessity of stirring shit up. “You didn’t overreact,” Sam felt the need to point out, every desire of having a discussion leaving his body. “Just… that.” Samuel shrugged. He knew Austin wasn’t looking at him anymore, so he let out a sigh and turned around. “I’m gonna go take a shower and sleep,” it was early evening but he could take the extra hours of sleep after so long. “Night.”

[austinrickards]

In the back of his mind, he knew he was being difficult. There was no real reason that he shouldn’t have tried to talk this out, but his stubborn nature and his need to avoid things like that meant he didn’t want to try. At least, not right then, not when there was a very good probability of one of them saying something they’d regret if they did try. He moved to sit down instead, still not looking up at Sam as he did. “You don’t have to placate me.” He released a sigh before sitting back down in the chair, his hands coming up to rub his face. It was still early, but he felt mentally drained already and so he didn’t really put up a fight when Samuel said he was going to bed. At first, all he did was shrug. “You don’t have to, alright?” he got out after a short pause, “I shouldn’t have said anything. So, I’m sorry.” It wasn’t really a big apology and he wasn’t expecting much from it. He went back to his books as soon as the words were said. Though, he doubted he’d get much more studying done that night, but he still wanted to try before he gave up entirely and went to bed as well.

[maryshyrock]

Her mother’s voice was a constant in the back of her mind. Countless times she had been told to be careful, to remember what would happen if she wasn’t - and Esther knew all of that. She’d slept with enough guys in her life to  know what she was supposed to do and she definitely wasn’t, and it wasn’t like her and Isaac hadn’t done it enough times to know the procedure. Accidents happened, though, and it wouldn’t be the first time. Her period had been late enough that she was truly worried for the first time in her life, and as much as she thought she could, she couldn’t do this alone. When Austin appeared at the door, she was biting her nails and it took her a handful of seconds to let her hand drop. “I think I might be pregnant,” Esther said, not wanting to beat around the bush. “So I took three pregnancy tests and I- I don’t want to look, I can’t look.”

[austinrickards]

Austin wasn’t sure what he was expecting. At most, that she needed something that should have been in there with her already but wasn’t. What came out of her mouth, though, was far from that and so he really couldn’t be blamed for the fact that all he could do for a while was stand there, blinking. “What?” he asked rather intelligently when he finally came back to his senses. He shifted his weight, hand coming up to brush through his hair as if it would help him get his thoughts together faster. “Well,” the word came out as a sigh, “it’s not like they’re completely reliable. You’re going to have to go get an actual test done before you really know for sure.” Was that helpful? Probably not. But then, Austin’s never been known for how great he handles certain situations. It was why most people avoided him when they needed advice or help with something. “Just look,” he finally moved forward to lean against the doorframe while facing her, “it’s not like avoiding it will make it all disappear.”

[samueldawley]

The automatic reaction, the one that had seemed to cloud all of Samuel’s decisions when he was younger was to become extremely defensive. He hated being attacked, hated feeling like he was being pressed against a proverbial corner and made to think that everything he was doing was wrong. Perhaps it was what had caused him and Christine to come crashing down so easily - Sam was a lot less willing to make compromises and to think rather than to act when he was a teenager. He was far too old to have that sort of attitude now, though, even if Austin’s own reaction didn’t border on reasonable. It was overall confusing, for Samuel had absolutely no idea where Austin’s anger was coming from, if it was based on a past experience or simply a bad mood. “That’s not what I fuc-,” Sam halted, leaning against the wall in order to brace himself. He knew he shouldn’t have drank, even if he was far from actually being drunk, because it threw his balance a bit off. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not trying to blame you for anything.” For a few minutes, Sam just watched and listened. It was an exercise for his patience as well as his attention - it was becoming clearer by the second that something was wrong, something that went beyond exclusively what Samuel was doing, but he hadn’t mastered the gift of reading minds yet. Not in this universe, probably, so there was no way of knowing without the younger boy telling him. That knowledge got Samuel moving, pushing away from the wall and sidestepping the table to reach Austin. Everything was done slowly, carefully. The actual years in their relationship had taught Samuel better than to startle Austin like this. When Sam was close enough, he reached out, temptatively resting his hand on top of Austin’s where he was holding a book. “I know there’s more to it than what you’re telling me,” Sam whispered softly, tilting his head low to meet Austin’s eyes. “I drank, but I’m not drunk and I- Let’s talk, yeah? Instead of fighting over something that isn’t… We’re both stressed out because of college and life, I guess. I shouldn’t have poked at it. I won’t do it again.” Samuel didn’t bother with an apology. Knew better than to do so. “But talk to me, yeah?”

[austinrickards]

Austin’s eyes narrowed at words, but he didn’t bother replying. He kept his mouth shut in a tight line and dropped his gaze down to the table, glaring at the closed books. The silence was only ever broken when Sam spoke. It wasn’t much different to their normal conversations, they were almost always dominated by someone other than Austin, but this one was still different by a long shot. The only sign he registered anything was when he pulled back his hand, stuffing it into the pockets of his jeans, when Sam’s came to rest on top of it. “Do you really think that’d be a good idea right now?” Austin shifted his attention to the other male, his expression neutral. “Because I don’t. One of us is going to say something we don’t want to and, unlike you, I still have a fuck ton of work to get through.” He at least attempted to keep his tone as neutral as everything else this time. Though, he doubted it would actually do him any good in this situation. “Besides,” he looked away then, back to the books on the table, “there’s probably nothing to talk about. I just overreacted. It’s not like you don’t know your limits, or whatever, and as long as you’re not hungover when we get Penny back tomorrow then I don’t care.” Of course, he didn’t think he had overreacted and he did care, but he really didn’t want to get caught up trying to explain things right then. Not when Sam had knocked back a few beers. He might not have been drunk, but that didn’t mean much to Austin right then. “Why don’t you just go watch TV, hm?” With that, he sat back down, grabbed a pen from nearby, and flipped his book back open. He started jotting down the first thing that came to mind, too busy avoiding eye contact with Sam to actually bother to read the paragraphs of text sitting in front of him. Avoidance; it was a common thread in all of his relationships. He never liked confrontation. With other people when it involved someone messing with his friends? Sure, he could deal with it. However, when it came to his own fights with people, he preferred to step away for a while. It was actually astonishing most of the people in his life actually did stick around for a while.

[maryshyrock]

For days, Esther had been waiting for the right opportunity to do this. The girl knew it wasn’t an option for her to do it while Isaac was around. Or Samuel, for that matter. If the two lines appeared on the stick, she was bound for another breakdown and it’d be difficult to keep it from either of them before she could do something about it. With only Austin in the house, though, things were less complicated. Austin she knew she could trust, so she waited for when her cousin took Isaac out to buy groceries since he was the one more likely to comply to shut herself in the bathroom. Esther couldn’t wait for any of the three tests to give their results before she was opening the door. “Austin!” She didn’t want to do this alone. “Austin, I need your help with something real quick!” She yelled outside, hoping the man would listen to her.

[austinrickards]

Despite his advisor’s urging to not accidentally burn himself out, he had signed up for a few summer classes in the hopes of graduating a semester or two early. He barely got through any of his homework that morning, only starting on it after Isaac and Sam left for the grocery store, before he heard Esther’s shout forced him to take a break from it all. Tossing his pen down on the stuff littered around him, he pushed himself up and made his way out of the piano room. “Help with what?” he shouted down the hallway, not caring that he could have waited until he was actually closer to where she was in the house before he did. Austin came to a stop in front of the bathroom door, sure that her shout had come from that room rather than somewhere else in the rather large house. “What do you need, babe?” He called out in a quieter voice from there, not wanting to enter just in case she didn’t actually want him inside with her for whatever reason.

[austinrickards]

Texts || Karev

Esther: As if he actually needed a reason to act like that. You two are disgusting.

Esther: It's Sam. We both know Sam wouldn't kill someone unless he had a pretty darn good reason for it and if he did there's a 99% of chance you'd agree with it. I reckon a relationship doesn't work out if you two don't get mad at each other every once in a while.

Esther: My grandparents on my father side are rednecks. The type of idiots to vote for Trump and carry around a Confederate flag. My father doesn't agree with their shitty views so he was a rebel therefore his kids are both rebels. Not that deep.

Esther: Samuel won't let me lecture him when he's fucking things up so why the fuck is he allowed to lecture me? Because he's a man?

Esther: Yeah, well, I'm too much of a forgiving person I suppose. He's what keeps me from getting roofied at college parties so far, so I'm just not going to stress over it.

Esther: It's... frustrating. When all you do is fall and fall and fall and never being caught. It's. Painful.

Esther: Thought the honeymoon phase should be over by now.

Austin: Look who’s talking :/

Austin: Eh. I’m more of a make their lives a living hell rather than actually murder someone. So, I’m not too sure I would agree to it. Plus, there can only be one bad person in a relationship. It’s a rule. And I’ve already taken that crown for ours, so. He’s got to stay on the straight and narrow. Depends on what you’re getting mad at each other about, I guess.

Austin: Remind me to say no anytime I’m invited to an extended family reunion then…

Austin: What the hell does that have to do with anything? It’s more because he’s older than you, has been through more life experiences, and is looking out for you. You lecturing someone older than you is just annoying and comes off as bratty.

Austin: You could always try making newer and better friends that could keep that from happening as well. I know you like to promote the idea that you’re this badass independent person that doesn’t need a lot of friends, but. Humans. They’re social beings.

Austin: Sorry to break it to you, but that’s kind of supposed to happen in high school relationships. No one’s mature enough to be in one yet so a lot of falling happens with nothing much else going on. Doesn’t mean you should give up for the rest of your life. I didn’t even after my piss poor dating history and that means you can’t.

Austin: It’s not like we have a traditional relationship. Why would we live up to rules of one?

[austinrickards]

just one yesterday ; julian

[j-skipper]

“It means.” Julian said as he stopped what he was doing and glanced over at the child who was still held by his crazy best friend. It took him a moment to compose himself, briefly unable to respond to the question. Julian was no drama kid, that’s for sure. “Well, I guess it depends how you look at it, Austin. You can look at it like you’ve won and you get to have your prize, or you can look at it the other way and realise you probably have a lot of work ahead of you with him around” he said, shaking his head as a laugh escaped him. Julian went over to the two of them and patted Austin’s shoulder, as if wishing him good luck, before returning to what he was previously doing. Julian looked back at Austin just in time to see him stick out his tongue, and in response Julian simply stuck out his own tongue for a moment. “No problem, that’s what I’m here for” he said, running his hand through his hair as he attempted to imagine Austin in the “prison world”. The image really only consisted of Austin whining and being sarcastic to the wrong people. A smile of amusement appeared on his face at the thought, and he probably looked some-what crazy in that moment. “That’s the spirit” he eventually said to Austin, though he eyes flickered back down to the child. “Is that on your to do list after kidnap a child, or do I have time to worry about that crazy antic later?”

Julian gave Austin a look of playful annoyance. “Bugger off” he said with a wave of his hand, the closest thing he’d say to fuck you while the child was in ears drop. Although it wasn’t that Austin was wrong, because he was quite right about the fact that Julian had always been lazy. Hell, how many classes had he spent just lazing around and writing only snippets of what the teacher said? there was no way he could’ve kept count. Julian stopped what he was doing at the sound of the child’s squeal, about to let out a laugh when he heard uncle abuse. Aha, it must’ve been his older brothers kid, well, he was pretty damn certain it wasn’t Cassandra’s child. The clarity of knowing was reassuring. He had almost forgotten what he had asked Austin, so he stayed silent until Austin spoke again and he realised that he was talking about allergies. “That’s good then. But you should keep him away from Jojo just in case, I don’t know how she’d react to a baby” he said, glancing over at Jojo to give her a look of warning, even though she wouldn’t of understood it. Besides, she was too busy napping to notice any one of the new people in the room. It seems like she’d learnt the art of being a lazy ass from her owner. Go figure. 

“Good” he said, not fazed by Austin’s laughter as he looked over at the other male. He pulled a face at Austin’s whispered words and he let out a snort. “Right, if you want to put it like that then fine” he said, feigning sadness as he put a hand over his chest. He nodded his head at Austin, playing with the bottom of his own shirt as he thought about the movie it was from. Narnia, or whatever the title of the movie actually was. He had watched it once or twice, it was interesting enough. He didn’t mind fantasy movies all that much, although his favourites were definitely action movies. What could he say, he liked a thrill. “Ah, I see. He’ll kind of be like your little child prodigy. I guess he’s got to learn it from somewhere” he said, looking at both Kai and Austin before looking up at the ceiling. “Mhm” he said, smiling up at the ceiling as he wondered how many people had in fact missed his face. He’d guess quite a few, really, but he wasn’t going to admit that to Austin. He didn’t need an ego boost at that moment. He only returned his attention back to the two at the sound of Austin’s question, his blue eyes slightly widening as he stared at the outstretched child. “Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea” he said, staring at the baby before flickering his eyes up to Austin. He slowly reached out to touch the child’s small hand, but didn’t make any move to actually hold him. “The closest thing I’ve held to a child is Jojo, and I mainly only do that when I’m trying to get her in the bath, and that never ends well for me” 

[austinrickards]

Austin turned his attention away from the ever moving bundle in his arms to his friend across the room from him, eyes wide as he waited for the explanation that would be tossed his way while still trying his hardest to keep a straight face. It was getting difficult. He had a lot of practice trying to keep up a story when he was with Daniel, but it was harder when he had tiny fists trying to tug at the collar of his shirt every two seconds to get his attention back on the child instead. After this, he had to remind himself to stop at the pastry shop near his old home. He definitely deserved something for babysitting the brat. At Julian’s words, he glanced back down at his nephew with a mock look of distaste painted onto his features. “No, thanks.” He shook his head, “I’ve got enough work to do with pre-med, alright? You wanna take him off my hands?” If his brother had been there, the baby would have been placed back in the mother’s arms just so Eric could pull Austin into a headlock and ruin his perfectly styled hair with a noogie. He was kind of glad the man wasn’t around just for that reason. The pat on his shoulder brought him back to the present. He followed Julian’s movements with his eyes, automatically starting to bounce the tiny tot in his arms to keep him calm again. He frowned at his words, but the expression didn’t stick. “Thought you were supposed to believe in me. You know, since we’re technically married and already ruling some kind of kingdom together.” Not that he had any confidence in himself to begin with, but semantics. He knew how to fight, though. So, at the very least, he’d make it through a week. Maybe a month. “Ha, ha, ha.” He feigned more annoyance with each syllable. “I need a plan before I take on the world. So, I guess you can worry about that one later.”

If it weren’t for the child in his arms, he’d have doubled over laughing at the idea that Julian had passed up saying the phrase fuck you to protect the delicate ears of his nephew. It was weird not to hear the word fall from his friend’s mouth, but he was thankful that he was being careful. Lauren had already had to lecture him and Eric both about cussing in front of Kai. It was harder to avoid than most people knew if a person was used to doing it on a daily basis. The words just kind of slipped out. “You know you love me.” He said instead, not bothering to keep the smirk off his face as he did. With the mention of the cat once again, Austin glanced in the direction of where the animal was resting. “Don’t think it’ll make much difference now. S’not like the stuff that causes the allergies isn’t already in the air of your room, babe. But, I’ll keep him away for the other reason, yeah. Don’t need to have Eric kicking my ass because I managed to get Kai hurt on my first solo mission as a babysitter.” He’d never hear the end of it if he did. It’d be held over him for years, brought up time and time again at every family gathering until the day one of them keeled over. And even then, if he managed to die before Eric, it’d be brought up in his obituary and during his funeral. Hell, if Eric had any real say in the matter he’d come back as a ghost to haunt him if Austin wasn’t the one that died first and knowing his family they’d have the power to do it.

Austin glanced back up at Julian when he heard the snort of laughter followed by a tone that would better be described as sad – not that he was familiar with that feeling or any other. “Fine, if you want me to be honest.” He took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he was about to say, “I’ll stay… to… spend time with you.” The last bit he rushed out, the words almost morphing into one string of unintelligible nonsense, making him question not for the first time why people put up with him. But he wasn’t about to ask that out loud. No, he wasn’t a glutton for punishment. “Exactly,” he said instead, “my little protégé.” Although, if the kid ended up like him at all Eric would curse him for the rest of his life yet again. This time for turning his child into a handful. He saw nothing wrong with that, but his parents would be a hard sell on it being a good thing. At Julian’s next words, he glanced back towards the male and once again almost burst out laughing at the sight before him. “You look terrified.” He tried to keep it together as he spoke, but he imagined it didn’t go as well as he would have liked as his tone was full of laughter. “Oh, fine. You should get used to it, though. I plan on bringing this kid over at least once every time I come back to this place to visit. That way he starts to think of you and a few other people as his designated aunts and uncles, alright? I can’t have you being terrified to hold him if I want that plan to succeed.”

[samueldawley]

Sam knew his words were bound to get a reaction from Austin, but most of him was bracing for a dismissive comment, for Austin to tell him to fuck off or anything in those lines. As it is, he’s thrown aback by the younger man’s words and harshness. Sam doesn’t know what, in the few words he had said, has caused Austin to react like this, and he’s not sober enough to go back and disect every part of his sentences looking for answers. He’s startled and not comfortable with being thrown at a corner, so he sets the beer can on the counter and frowns at Austin. “What the fuck are you on about? How is me pointing out reasons as to why I can drink as much as I want me blaming you for my issues? Don’t give me that shit,” Sam wants to take a step forward, stand closer to Austin so he won’t raise his voice, but he can’t. He steps back instead, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. His hands are already shaking and he knows it’s because he’s nervous, because he doesn’t like fighting, as much as there was a part of him that inevitably instigated this. He knows fights are inevitable in relationships, but after the last one he had, Sam doesn’t know how to handle those. With Austin it isn’t like that - they argue and talk it out, they don’t scream at each other. And Sam doesn’t want that to start now. “What have I even said that got this to react like this?” His eyes ran over Austin’s face, looking for an answer. His confusion is only made worse by the alcohol clouding his thoughts, but Sam forces himself not to react to Austin’s words and tone with anything order than sinking his nails down on his palms.

[austinrickards]

A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he was overreacting. To Sam, he’d be even more so since he never did tell him what had happened between him and Abigail, but that didn’t turn him back into the level headed person that he normally was. If anything, it made him more furious, just more so at himself than Sam. So, it wasn’t all that fair that he was taking it out on Sam, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Can drink? The fact that I’m studying is not a reason you can use to drink in excess. And if you didn’t want me to take it badly then try not sounding so passive aggressive next time, Samuel.” He drops his gaze back to his books so his narrowed eyes weren’t boring into Sam. It gave him time to close the books as well. He shut them a bit harder than he should have, startling himself because of it. At the question tossed his way, he glanced back up but only for a second. Any longer and he knew the thrumming in his chest would only grow harder, faster. “It’s more what you’re doing. Although, don’t’ get me wrong, what you said ticked me off as well, but. I suppose it’s more the whole picture here.” He motioned around the room as if that would explain everything running around in his mind. People that had had too much to drink; he could never really be around them in a one on one situation anymore. He had been fine for a while there, but after Daniel had come close to overdosing the night of his mother’s birthday all his past issues with it had swam to the surface of his mind again. “Don’t mind me, though.” His fingers ran over the spines of his textbook before he picked it up, “I’ll go study in the piano room or somethin’ if you really want to keep drinking.” And then he’d attempt to sleep on the couch as soon as he got tired enough.

[samueldawley]

Pacing himself, not pushing himself too hard - things Sam’s had struggle dealing it for most of his life. It’s always working to be better and doing more than would probably be healthy in order to reach higher than most people. It comes from the pressures in his family, comes from his own temper - it’s no surprise that, whereas Austin’s still studying, Sam’s done with the majority of what he could do, of what he could learn to take this classes. It probably makes a difference that Austin’s college, presumably, pushes the students harder than Sam’s does. The fact that he’s already on edge, coupled with Austin’s words and his tone makes Sam stop and raise an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “Why’s that?” He’s not nice either, and there are ever harshes words that want to slip from his mouth but he keeps them in. Sam’s not drunk enough to let them out. “I’m tired, I’ve done everything I had to do today, you’re too busy studying and my daughter is not here. I could drink a case of beer, if I wanted.”

[austinrickards]

When he was younger, Austin had much more tolerance for being around anyone that was drinking or doing drugs – hell, he partook in both things on numerous occasions – but after one too many incidents in his life he’s found that it only grates on his nerves now. It is why, without meaning to, his fingers tighten on the colored pencil that he’d been using to draw one of the charts in his books until it snaps in half. His eyes widen and a second later he drops the halves down to the table. He’s not sure which part of what Sam said hit him most. There’s a sharp sensation there, in his chest, that he’d rather not name and before he knows it he’s reacting. “Don’t blame me for your issues.” He snaps, narrowing his eyes at Sam. It’s not something he means to do, but it’s a step up. In his past, he’d have let it slide, let his past partners walk all over him and blame him for their behaviors. Now, though, the words leave his mouth before he can think about saying them in a different way. Remain calm, talk things through, come to a conclusion that benefits everyone. It’s in every relationship book out there, probably. “If you wanted company all you had to do was sit here and talk to me. I can do more than one thing at once, asshole.” Austin slams his textbook shut, pushes his chair back, and stands up from the table. His narrowed expression never once leaves Sam. “Penny is only gone for the night. I’d suggest not drinking anymore unless you want to wake up tomorrow with a hangover so bad that it makes you treat her like shit as well.” Penny. Sam’s daughter. Not his. Well, all right. If Sam wants to make a point to remind him of it because he’s angry, then so be it. He drops his gaze with a shake of his head, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

[austinrickards]

Texts || Karev

Esther: Ha, the idea that Sam isn't the possessive type is laughable. I've seen the not so subtle marks he leaves all over your neck. Oh, shut up, drama queen.

Esther: Let's be honest, you'd let Sam get away with murder. You love him too much to actually get mad at him for too long.

Esther: My family is the reason I'm this sunshine of a person as well, didn't you know? And if you're not going to be mad at yours for giving you that attitude, then I'm not going to be mad at mine either. Sam is my cousin, he's not my father.

Esther: I know you hate him, but he was... It's not about him. I have history with this shit, you know I do. I just don't want to have my heart broken again, is that too much to ask?

Esther: aka you two are horny bastards.

Austin: Congrats, you caught me. That is indeed exactly why I said he could share. Just so he'd act like that.

Austin: Depends on who he's killing. There are a select few individuals that I would not like if they were killed. Besides, have you met me? I can stay mad at anyone. It's my hidden talent.

Austin: I've never really heard anything bad about your family, Esther. Well, except for what Sam's father did. So, if I based it off that, I really question how you turned out the way you did. Not that I don't approve of it, but I am curious.

Austin: So? My brother's my brother, doesn't mean he won't lecture me every chance he gets if he thinks I'm screwing up my life. I'd do the same for him and my sister too. It means we love each other. Care. You know, all the nasty things that come with being family.

Austin: Ha. Don't try to defend him to me. He broke Easter's heart. Then he broke yours. And hey, I'd be civil with him if you two wanted me to if that's all he did. But, it's not. So, nope. Don't care about how he may or may not be a well meaning misunderstood person with a heart of gold.

Austin: Everyone has history with this shit. I'd go into mine, but I don't want to. Life's about risk, Esther. You have to take some to get anywhere in life. Unless your goal is to single forever, then I suggest you suck it up and throw yourself out there again.

Austin: We're young and in love. It comes with the territory.

[samueldawley]

It’s rare for Sam’s mood to be anything bad. It is mostly happy or neutral, more often than not truly excited about things. It helps that he has a child, a very excitable one at that, who’s not even four years old yet - therefore, Samuel has to keep up. At the moment, though, she’s at her grandmother’s for the night, because his mother knows when Sam needs a bit of a break. He’s stressed, because of college, because of his father, because of his cousin, and he knows he’s been less than cooperative the past couple of days. He wouldn’t be surprised if Austin was a bit on edge with him, but Sam doesn’t think about it as he grabs a beer from the fridge and cracks it open - it’s the third in the last hour, but.

[austinrickards]

For the past few weeks, Austin’s found himself at the kitchen table most nights with his laptop and a stack of textbooks scattered out in front of him. Midterms have caused the work to pile up and he’s starting to think that exhaustion is going to be his regular state for the foreseeable future – all through med school and his internship at a hospital. It should make him quicker to anger, but all in all he can barely keep his eyes open let alone speak in a way that requires his brain to function. Instead, he’s quitter, more reserved, and when asked about it he usually just says he’s got a thousand things on his mind. Even now, on a night when he’s alone with Sam, he continues to flip through the pages of another book. He only glances up for a second when Sam enters the kitchen to grab another beer before turning back to his work. “You might want to go easy on that.” He comments; his tone sounding harsher than he wants, but there’s no way to take it back now.

[austinrickards]

Texts || Karev

Esther: Never said I had to be romantic with anyone specifically. And who said he's going to be the one to do something first?

Esther: And let me guess, Samuel behaved like the perfect lap dog he is and acted like today was just another normal Sunday instead of trying to do something because he knew it'd annoy you.

Esther: Are we doing the blaming the family thing? Because trust me, we are all fucked up in that accord. When am I not doing something to annoy him? He said he's only going to talk to me when I stop behaving like a kid and stop using my relationship with Chris as an excuse to not do anything about Isaac.

Esther: You're not a true scientist, you're just horny.

Austin: Then why not just be romantic with me? Sam can share. Well, at the rate you're both going, I'm willing to place bets on the grim reaper being the one to make the first move. You're both going to be dead and my skeleton will shake it's head in disbelief at the both of you.

Austin: Nothing Sam does annoys me.

Austin: That's a lie. My ability to be annoyed is not immune to him, but it does take an awful lot for me to get that way with him. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. I'll do my part and everything will go back to normal tomorrow.

Austin: Yeah, and some of us have had more experience than most in that department. But I'm not blaming them so much as thanking them for this one. I mean, I love my attitude. Why would I blame them for it? Oh, please. It's Sam. He's your family and he loves you. He might act annoyed, but he only wants what's best for you.

Austin: Jesus. That asshole? That's what's keeping you from being in a relationship? Seriously? Now I'm judging you. Harshly. What the hell did that guy even have going for him anyway? He was a typical jock asshole. Yet, he had everyone wrapped around his finger at that school. He was as bad as that other prick.

Austin: I'm an in training surgeon. You called into question his ability to perform sexually. That's a medical problem. I'm just doing my due diligence as a future doctor here.

[austinrickards]

Texts || Karev

Esther: Not you I have to be romantic with.

Esther: I knew you were going to be dying to make a snarky comment about me bringing up Valentine's Day therefore I'd get a reply anyway.

Esther: Why are you such a little shit? Give me a hand, he's being an asshole, telling me to grow up and stuff. I think he's getting cranky, it's probably the age, he's getting too old. Does his dick still work or does he need some help with that?

Austin: Didn't think you had to be romantic with anyone. Or, did that boy toy of yours finally decide to grow some balls?

Austin: More annoyed than snarky. You're not the only one that decided blowing up my phone with this nonsense was a good idea.

Austin: It's in my genes. You want to blame someone, blame my father. But I know you want because we both know you love me just the way I am ;) There's two sides of this story. What the hell did you do to annoy him anyway?

Austin: Trust me. He needs no help in that department, but I can always go test the theory again if you need further proof. I'll test it as many times as it takes. Because I'm a true scientist.

[austinrickards]

Texts || Karev

Esther: Happy Valentine's Day!

Esther: when you're done sucking my cousin's dick can you tell him to call me and stop ignoring me?

Austin: How romantic.

Austin: If you really thought I gave a shit about this holiday, then why are you expecting me to text you back?

Austin: Scratch that. I do. So, I'm going back to ignoring my phone :) Handle your issues with your cousin on your own, babe.

[austinrickards]

just one yesterday ; julian

[j-skipper]

Julian decided that he’d play Austin’s game, when had he ever not? It amused him too much to go against it. “Mmm, I guess it depends on which side you are on” he said, folding his arms out in front of him as he continued to look across at Austin. Sometimes Julian questioned why Austin didn’t get himself into the performing arts, what with his acting skills and all. Julian looked at the child again, giving it another long look before shaking his head at the words that left Austin’s mouth. Honestly, he felt sorry for the poor kid, how long had he been strapped to this insane human for? Probably a bit too long, given his current facial expression. “Right, they’d want to roughen you up in all types of way” he said with a laugh, although purposely avoiding the s word in front of the child. It would make him uncomfortable saying something like that in front of the baby, even if it didn’t know what the word meant. Julian returned back to cleaning up his bedroom as Austin judged him, forcing him to look up at him and send a wink his way. “You know it” he said before turning back and resuming his quick cleaning. Text books, the occasion rubbish and stray clothing. That’s when he noticed Jojo sleeping on her favourite pillow and found himself frowning for a moment, moving back to stand up properly and glance at Austin and the child. “Wait, he isn’t…allergic to anything, is he?” he asked, motioning towards his cat in caution. He didn’t want anything to happen to the child, although, surely Austin wouldn’t of brought him here if he was so he probably didn’t have anything to worry about. Still, there was no harm in Julian asking, just in case. Julian thought that it would be better to be safe than sorry. 

Julian found himself pulled away from his worried thoughts by the words that left Austin’s mouth. He began to smirk. He hadn’t meant to imply anything, but both he and Austin had a knack of sending implications each others way, it was just how they spoke together. Most people assumed they were just flirting all of the time, and maybe they were a bit, but for the most part it was simply how they talked to each other. It was normal for them, and their friendship to involve jokes and flirtatious words. “For the time being, no, you shouldn’t” he said, because Julian had missed his best friend being around and he wasn’t going to say otherwise. He’d drop anything if it meant he’d get to spend some time with Austin, he was going to spend as much time with the male as he possibly could. He sat down onto his bed and continued to watch the kid as he waited for Austin to tell him the child’s name. He then nodded his head once Austin had told him his name. Kai was a nice name, it suited the kid nicely. Although Aslan was a pretty cool name, too. “Like, the lion off that movie?” he said, looking away from Aslan to look up at Austin’s smirking face. He smiled at his friend before returning his attention to Aslan. “Oh definitely, it’s written all over his face. He’ll be the best king that ever lived” he said. He moved away from his friend and Aslan so that he could spread out on his bed, though he tried his best to leave some space for the other two. “So, what brings you back to Rose Valley, Austin? You surely aren’t just here to see my face”

[austinrickards]

Austin feigned a frown of worry as his eyes turned back towards the baby he cradled in his arms. He bounced the kid gently to keep him from causing a fuss and every so often his tiny feet would kick out or his hands would curl and uncurl. “Well,” he made a tutting noise before he glanced back in Julian’s direction, “I’m on the side with the kid so. What’s that mean?” He knew what it meant. Or, what it would have meant if he had actually taken some kid, but he wasn’t about to give up the game just yet. He had a stubborn streak a mile long and that wasn’t about to change then. He just hoped that that side of him wouldn’t pass on to the little one in his arms when he was older and developed a personality of his own. Austin was forced to abandon that train of thought when he heard Julian’s next words. He pulled a face and poked out his tongue in distaste. “Thanks for your vote of confidence, babe. I think I can go on and conquer all the world now, including the prison world.” He deadpanned. Though, he really didn’t blame Julian for the comment. He might know how to fight thanks to his boxing training, but he was too scrawny to really be able to take down a bunch of guys at once on his own.

A grin returned to his features at Julian’s confirmation to his earlier words. “Of course,” he gave a small nod of his head, “I’ve known you for a year so I was bound to pick up some of your habits eventually. Your laziness is just one of many.” He watched as Julian moved around the room, moving things around. If it weren’t for the baby still resting in his arms, he would have helped or told him not to worry about it, but just as he opened his mouth Kai let out a squeal of a noise and reached his small hand out to beat against his chest once. “Ow,” he mock groaned before mumbling a quick, “uncle abuse.” He was still trying to rock the child back into an easy going mood when Julian tossed the new question his way. Austin lifted his gaze and looked around the room, his eyes immediately locking on the cause for concern that was resting on a pillow. “Er, not that we’re aware of.” He tried to think of anything that might come up, even if it were a small chance before he gave a shrug of his shoulders. “Even if he does, I don’t think pets will be an issue. No one on either side of his family has allergic reactions to animal fur or dandruff. Plus, I’ve got a dog and he hasn’t had an attack while he’s been with me so I think he’ll be alright.” He supposed they were a bit lucky on that front. Kai hadn’t shown of being unhealthy in some way yet, but then he was still so young. It was only a matter of time before something happened.

Austin couldn’t help the laugh that left him this time. The sound startled Kai, causing his eyes to open wide for a moment before he wriggled around a bit and then settled back down. “Alright, then I guess I’ll stay,” Austin said, his voice lowered a fraction so as not to disturb the child again, “But, you know, just so we can be sure the cops aren’t looking for me.” He was still grinning despite everything. If Julian had told him to take a hike he would have, but he had missed the other male. That was why he had come back to begin with. “Exactly like the lion off the movie.” He answered, a grin appearing on his face once again when Julian caught the reference, “I figure it’s best to boost his ego as early as possible. That way he’ll be as confident as me and cause my brother all kinds of trouble.” At the last question, Austin gave a shrug of his shoulders. There hadn’t been any pressing reason to come back. He had just wanted to see his brother again, dote on his nephew a little, and maybe hang out with a few other people, but that was about it. “No reason really. Just figured this place missed my face.” He tossed out with a shake of his head. Despite the fact that Julian had moved to lie back on the bed, Austin couldn’t help but to hold out the child towards him. “Wanna hold him?” he asked in his best sing-songy voice. It was a small attempt to get the focus back off of him because it still wasn’t something he was too comfortable with, but of course, he’d deny ever saying it like that in the future, but for now it was alright.

[austinrickards]

samueldawley:

The question had been a genuine one. It bothered the little girl when she didn’t get to come and go between Austin and Sam as much as she wanted to. Truth was that she needed time with them both, and if she realized one of them wasn’t available she grew sulky. Knowing she doesn’t have to worry about it, though, brings another smile to her face. “Good,” she settles then, more or less, resting her head against Austin’s chest and playing with his t-shirt. “What’re you doin’ ere?” 

It’s weird, but Samuel feels comfortable where he is, watching the scene between his daughter and boyfriend unfold in front of his eyes. He wants to say his heart doesn’t grow fonder whenever he watches an interaction, but both him and Austin know better. If anything, sometimes he feels like he’s the one interrupting in some quality bonding time - he knows Austin is tough to get properly on with, much less to impress and to earn these special looks and smiles of his, so leave it to Samuel to be pleased for him and Penny both that she gets to be one of the few people who are subjected to Austin’s affections. “Why bother? Think they know you for long enough to not exactly expect you to play housewife and go around baking pies in flowery aprons and talking about basic conversational topics like the weather, trying to give your guests a warm welcome,” and that’s just perfect, honestly. Sam is completely fine with playing that role, being the one to welcome people and letting them rent his ears for a while, would never hold it against Austin. His smile threatens to grow bigger when Austin pats the spot next to his, but Sam fights it back. He unfolds his arms, shoves his hands into his pockets before he walks towards the two of them, taking the seat on the piano bench. Sam frees his hands only so he can run one of them through Penny’s hair and to rest the other against the back of Austin’s neck. “Like I said, Nick and Eric are talking and this little one was insisting on finding you. I couldn’t say no,” he could, like he normally does, but obviously he wouldn’t, not in this situation. Penny’s hiding his face on the crook of Austin’s neck now, suddenly embarrassed. “I keep trying to understand but I simply can’t wrap my head around her wanting to be with you all the time. I mean, what’s so great about you? What do you have that I don’t?” At this point, he’s teasing Penny and Austin both and he knows it.

Over the course of his life, Austin has learned to put himself before everyone else because if he doesn’t then no one else will. Up until the past year, it’s proven to be a good practice, but now it’s simply standing in his way. A past habit that only tends to hurt his relationships rather than strengthen his determination to simply not give a shit. Penny’s sweet face is pressed against his neck as a reminder that he’s no longer in a place in his life where he can afford to continue to put his needs over those around him. A child, even one that is not biologically his own, means more responsibility and more self-sacrifices. He doesn’t mean to look at it that way. Penny’s not a burden in his mind, will never be considered one, but she pushes him to change – be better, do better – in a way that he probably wouldn’t if it was just him and Sam or just him on his own. At her question, he makes a mental note to learn to communicate more. With her, with Sam. It doesn’t really matter who, he just needs to stop disappearing and leaving them wondering where he’s gone off to now. He gives a small, barely there, shrug of his shoulders at her question. “Thinking, s’all.” Thinking, he assumes, is better than saying he needed to get away from everyone. In a child’s eyes, needing that means he doesn’t want to be around them and that’s not what he wants Penny to start thinking either. He tightens his grip on her a bit, almost as if he thinks she can read his mind in that moment and tell what it is he really wants to say.

The lazy smile he gets on his face any time he’s around Sam morphs into a scowl. It’s a playful one, not meant to alarm, but he can’t help that it shows up. “Samuel,” he gives the other male a pointed look, “you’re not supposed to indulge me here.” If it were up to him and he knew there’d be no ramifications about it, Austin would sneak off as soon as a guest appeared at their door to hide away until they left. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be around his or Sam’s family, but during the school semester he takes his time alone more seriously, needs it more heavily, and having them show up announced or unannounced causes him to become more irritable throughout the week. He supposes that’s another thing he needs to work on, but it’ll take more than a couple of visits to fix and the last time he tried to be more approachable and civil it ended with someone getting a busted lip. So, he’s justified in not wanting to, he just knows he should. “Besides,” he adds after a while, “doesn’t it bother you at all? That I seem so distant with your family?” It would most people, but then there’s a reason he always refers to Sam as a saint and so the question itself is probably a silly one that’s unneeded. He already knows the answer and that’s that it doesn’t.

When Sam comes to join them on the bench, he feels a rush of calm come over him that is only strengthened when Sam’s hand comes to rest on the back of his neck. The smile is back in a matter of seconds. Austin turns his head to better look at the other male. “You definitely could’ve said no. And you definitely could have said no to me being allowed to stay here.” Although, he imagines if he had said no that he’d have been extra quiet upon returning to their guests and the most anyone would’ve gotten out of him was a grunt or a shrug between him taking drags from his cigarette. Not an ideal thing to sit through. His nose scrunches up in distaste at Sam’s last rambling thoughts. “Please,” he allows a smirk to overtake his features despite the fact that they both know what’s about to come out of his mouth is complete and utter bullshit, “Everyone knows that I’m the greatest person in this house besides, you know, Penny herself.” Austin follows his words by sticking his tongue out playfully at Sam.

[austinrickards]

just one yesterday ; julian

[austinrickards]

j-skipper:

Julian couldn’t help but continue to stare at the child that was in his best friends hands. It wasn’t that he didn’t like children, because he was actually quite found of them for the most part, it was just more so the fact that he hadn’t ever seen Austin with this child. So he was a bit confused, especially given the words that left Austin’s mouth next. “You- what?” he said, momentarily actually believing that Austin had taken some random child. But, he realised how crazy that sounded and kind of figured that a child wouldn’t be that calm with a complete stranger. But in true Austin and Julian style he didn’t comment on it, he simply went along with it. “Of course, we wouldn’t want something like that happening to little old you” he said with a laugh, not even minding the fact that Austin didn’t even bother to wait before he went into the room with the child. Julian shook his head a little, but followed the other boy into the room nevertheless. He’d gotten used to that a long time ago. His hands found his way to his pockets as he watched the other guy look around his room, though his own eyes were still mainly focused on the child. He couldn’t help but wonder who’s it was and why Austin had him. He was deep in thought when Austin began to speak to him and almost missed the question that left his mouth. But at Austin’s words he looked at the books that were left on his bed, silent for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah, I was done with that a long time ago” he said, shrugging his shoulders effortlessly and waving his hand in the air. “Beside, catching up with that is easy because it never leaves my bedroom. A person who lives somewhere else, however, not so much” he said with a smile, before walking over to the books and beginning to pick them all up in an attempt to make his room at least a tiny bit more decent. Whether that worked or not was questionable. “So, did you at least find out the kids name before you took him?”

If it weren’t for the fact that Austin didn’t want to startle the child in his arms, he’d have probably wouldn’t have bothered to swallow the laughter that he felt coming on because of the look on Julian’s face. Well, that and he was still determined to keep up the charade he had started the second Julian had opened the door and saw the kid in his arms. “Took him,” he said in his most serious tone, “Why? Is that a bad thing? Should I have not done that? Because – I’m not entirely sure I remember where he came from so I don’t know if I can return it.” His attention shifted back to the child for a moment. The sudden movement from him entering the room had disturbed him for a moment before he settled back down and rested his head against Austin’s chest, eyes already beginning to droop from exhaustion. “No, of course not! Do you see me? I wouldn’t last a day in prison. I’m too pretty.” He whispered in mock horror. His gaze followed Julian’s, back to the books he had noticed a few moments ago. “Lazy.” Austin said in his best sing-song voice. Though, he’d be the first to admit he was rather happy with that decision. It meant he didn’t have to leave or stick around while Julian studied for some test or another. Moving over to the bed, he sat down and raised a brow at Julian’s next words. “Are you trying to tell me I shouldn’t leave your room?” Which, probably wasn’t something he should be hinting at, but he had a hard time keeping his mouth shut on a good day. Julian forced his attention back on the child a second later. He contemplated giving him a name he made up on the spot for a moment as he stared down into the blank face of the kid, but what would be the point of that? However, dropping the charade he had built up wasn’t an option he wanted to go with either. “I think I heard the mom call him Kai before I took off with him, but I’m not too sure. Maybe that’s just a nickname.” He shrugged, a playful smirk appearing on his face, “I’ve taken to calling him Aslan, though. I mean – he’s totally going to be a king when he grows up.”