What i think about Levi (having to) be miserable about the rumbling
this topic has been mentioned by user: @leviismybby
Some people think that after all the trauma of the rumbling happening, levi HAS to be miserable. After all, he's seen thousands of innocent people die and others died out of his sight, which must have scarred him to a degree for sure.
I think that after the rumbling, Levi would be traumatized. The rumbling is of course an allegory to a world war, and the fact is, no soldier has been quite the same after a war, and no person has been the same after various type of trauma. Looking up the definition of the word, you'll stumble upon this:
So in other words, each of us could be affected by trauma at any point in time. The difference between regular fear or sadness is that trauma affects you DEEPLY. It is something that could lurk inside of your head for years, sometimes even your entire life. Next, we'll look up at how trauma can affect a person.
Of course let's remind ourselves that what we're talking about is only fiction, but Isayama actually did a really good job at writing Levi. Looking at the symtoms, Levi has undirectly displayed quite a few of these symptoms, even if they were subtle.
RECURRENT, UNWANTED MEMORIES OF THE EVENT:
This symptom is not that present with Levi, as he often keeps a stoic, often numb outlook on things while Eren expresses distress over these. However, given the age gao between Eren, Reiner, Mikasa, or everyone else and Levi is that he has more experience with them. He is never questioning their sanity or doubting them in any way, but calming them down, since he probably has had his own fair share of experience.
FLASHBACKS
Again, this isn't something that occurs to Levi often, or *they aren't obviously shown* to be precise. But you see, he most likely does experience some form of them from his childhood back in the underground, by feeling the need to clean things up even when it wouldn't bother other people. He probably gets reminded of the little room he lived in with his mom and how he felt insecure about it since coming to the surface, as we've seen in the No Regrets OVA.
Thus, i doubt that rumbling hasn't left a mark on him.
UPSETTING DREAMS OR NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE EVENT
We all know that Levi suffers from insomnia. And honestly, all things considered, it makes sense.
SEVERE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS OR PHYSICAL REACTIONS TO SOMETHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF THE TRAUMATIC EVENT
This was all i could think about at the scene where he brutally kept slashing Zeke's limbs in order to prevent him from regenerating back. Some people could argue that it was simply to prevent Zeke from turning back into a titan, but i would argue that we've seen a much more efficient method back when Eren infiltrated Marley (specifically tying up his leg in a bandage, which has been proven as a functioning disguise)
So, Levi's judgement has been rash and unplanned, out of control even, since he not only endangered the life of someone he had to restrain but KEEP ALIVE, but his own, as well.
TRYING TO AVOID THINKING OR TALKING ABOUT THE SPECIFIC EVENT
This is also subtly alluded in the show, as he never told anyone about the past with his mother.
AVOIDING PLACES, ACTIVITIES OR PEOPLE THAT REMIND YOU OF THE TRAUMATIC EVENT
Now this is an interesting part, because Levi doesnt avoid much from his past, except the underground. But, who he has a complicated relationship with, is Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. He acts cold with them at times, harshly at others, but ultimately, he's trying to subconsciously fix his past mistakes.
The physical resemblance to his past friends is probably no more than a coincidence, but they do share aspects of Isabel's and Furlan's personalities that Levi sees in Eren and Armin, such as Isabel's undying curiosity about the outside world, and Furlan's analytical strategist mind, similar to Armin's. Now, you would think that the one Levi sees himself in the most is Mikasa given their ties to the Ackerman clan, but the thing is, Levi didn't know he was an Ackerman unril Kenny told him, meaning he saw her strength and want to do everything alone as simply something they shared. Eren however is also similar to younger Levi in terms of being hot headed, just like he used to be. As we all know, Furlan and Isabel died because he gave in and let them go on a mission he knew they could not survive, so now he had to watch Erem, Mikasa and Armin grow up, subconsciously being reminded of them, because their deaths caused him a lot of emotional distress.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOURSELF, OTHER PEOPLE, OR THE WORLD:
In this part i'd like to leave some screenshots, which i believe speak for themselves.
and also this one
This might not seem like much, but his thinking and personality HAVE BEEN AFFECTED, no matter how stoic his face might be.
HOPELESNESS ABOUT THE FUTURE
Now, this is a 2 sided topic. When watching attack on titan, i noticed Levi's and Mikasa's loyalty, which however feels almost *passive*. You never see Mikasa or Levi having dreams like Armin who wants to see the sea, Erwn who wants to be free, Annie who wished to live a peaceful life, or Jean who wanted to date Mikasa.
Mikasa nor Levi have never expressed having a single wish which would not involve a person important to them. However, even Mikasa had something Levi didn't, and that is, hope for the future. Mikasa wanted to live a life with Eren. When it comes to Levi, he never really expressed any wish or hope because truth be told, after losing Erwin and Hange, he didn'thave any. His only goal was to complete his mission and prove that his comrades didn't die in vain.
I know what you might be thinking, but he opened his own teashop because he loved tea! Yes he did indeed do that, but again, he wasn't alone. He took in Gabi and Falco, so he had a reason to keep going. Now, some of you may say that that's not how a broken person would think, but oftentimes, we TRY to find a reason to survive. We TRY to keep going. We WISH TO WANT TO KEEP GOING. That said, Gabi and Falco are an important part of his life, they definitely help him stay grounded after the war. After all, he has been thrown from one kind of chaos to another where you have to adjust to a vastly different life in a short amount of time, but they undoubtedly do help him get by, maybe even find joy of the little things in life that he had no time to appreciate earlier.
MEMORY PROBLEMS, INCLUDING NOT BEING ABLE TO RECALL CERTAIN PARTS OF THE EVENT.
this is an aspect i can't really explore so far, as we know almost nothing about Levi's life post war. Maybe the new manga coming out will give us more insight.
DIFFICULTY MAINTAINING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
This one is pretty obvious. Levi did say women were quite interested in him, but he didn't seem to think of any of them in a romantic way. In fact he was mostly reserved even towards his own squad, only chatting with Hange who considers Levi a very good friend, and Erwin, whom he is loyal to as Mikasa is to Eren.
FEEKING DETACHED FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS
This has been described in the previous paragraph at least for the most part, but i think it should be important to mention that he didn't really show an interest in Hange suggesting they should live together in a hut somewhere (that doesn't mean that he disliked or liked the particukar idea, i just wanted to show an example)
LACK OF INTEREST IN ACTIVITIES YOU ONCE ENJOYED
We know that Levi doesn't really seem to show fondness towards any hobby other than cleaning (which is mostly a trauma response) other than drinking tea perhaps, but i don't think there's anything else i could mention other than the fact that we've never seen him relax. Even while they were at the sea, he just awkwardly stood there. I am the kind of person which is mostly quiet among people reading my book, though it doesn't necessarily mean i feel bad in any way, so again, we might gain some more insight in the new manga chapter.
DiFFICULTY EXPERIENCING POSITIVE EMOTIONS
Again, he didn't seem to be happy about any of their accomplishments as soldiers.
FEELING EMOTIONALLY NUMB
Now, contrary to the popular belief that Levi is "stoic" (which is mostly his face going numb at best, you see where i'm going?)
Levi feels intense emotions. Problem is, it happens rarely. It happened when he saw Isabel and Furlan's deaths (the moment when he went emotionally numb) and when he saw Kenny for the first time in years for example (or turning Zeke into a kebab).
In short, please don't confuse stoicism with Levi's unhealthy way of not expressing emotions. Stoicism isn't about that. He just feels constantly on edge.
(And to be honest i don't think Kenny was the type of a parental figure to encourage Levi to express how he feels)
BEING EASILY STARTLED OR FRIGHTENED
This is something that wasn't expressed, so i won't talk about that.
ALWAYS BEING ON GUARD FOR DANGER
again same as the previous point however i think this is very likely as Levi was able to tell an attack was going to happen a second before it actually happened.
SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR
This is something Levi does. He always wants to work and fight, even if he's in pieces. He doesn't care how much he gets hurt. He just wants to save his comrades and complete his mission, blocking out everything else, including his own well being, which can be self destructive behavior. After all, just remember the screenshot i put above.
TROUBLE SLEEPING
an obvious one, definitely continues after the war too.
TROUBLE CONCENTRATING
Levi needs someone to guide him. Otherwise, his own thinking rarely ever ends well
IRRITABILITY, ANGRY OUTBURSTS OR AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
I'm just going to provide a manga exerpt here. No matter what the circumstances were, it was aggressive and they changed it in the anime too.
OVERWHELMING GUILT OR SHAME
There have been instances where Levi felt guilty and sad. For example when he could do nothing but watch Hange die, all of his other comrades, when he burdened his squad by allowing himself to be severely injured.
Even before, back in the no regrets special he felt ashamed for the soldier calling his room dirty.
Overall, I'd say that Levi was definitely affected by his experience a lot, but Gabi and Falco give him a reason to keep going, as even the biggest problem won't feel as impossible when you're not alone.
If you ever feel anxious, depressed, alone or just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. My DM's are always open <3
In the end, i'd like to say that Attack on Titan is a work of fiction and is not reflective of real life, on the other hand, i believe that talking about things like this can help people learn. By writing this post i don't mean to hate on Levi's character at all, i just simply wanted to express my POV. He's a character which is very close to my heart as we're similar in a lot of ways, and he actually helped me deal with many of my issues. I AM ALSO NOT A PROFESSIONAL, JUST A NERDY STUDENT WITH SPECIAL INTERESTS.
Thank you very much for reading. ^-^
Authentic Levi Ackerman
