~ K a i t l y n ~

L-MSN Autistic w/ Comorbid ADHD | Demi/Semi Verbal | AAC User | 18+ (Adult) | Aromantic Asexual | Person of Colour

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

Hiiiii!

My name is Kaitlyn, and I’m an 18 year old adult. My pronouns are she/her but I’m okay with they/them also. Either or.

I’m diagnosed autistic. Considered Extremely Low Functioning slash Significantly Impaired when it comes to adaptive skills or independent living by the provincial and federal governments. So that means that I am probably medium, but on the lower end of the medium support needs spectrum if there is one, autism specifically.

I was diagnosed with autism in 2012, a year before things like autistic disorder, pdd nos, aspergers etc were lumped all into one disorder and before autism levels were introduced. So I wasn’t diagnosed with a level, but I have my suspicions.

Combined with my autism, I also have diagnosed Combined Type (both hyperactive and inattentive) ADHD. That was diagnosed later after I got my autism diagnosis although I have my suspicions that if I were diagnosed later I would have been diagnosed with both autism and adhd at the same time.

I also have a cognitive impairment in the areas of processing speed and working memory. I have no exact clue what this means for me but it was a more recent diagnosis, as I have learnt about it just a couple of weeks ago. I think it’s linked somehow to my learning disability.

I have a learning disability in writing and in mathematics. Their quote unquote street names are dysgraphia for writing and dyscalculia when it comes to my math skills. This was diagnosed in 2020 because I had been falling behind in both areas and teachers were concerned enough to have me evaluated for another disability.

I am an AAC User who struggles with frequent verbal shutdowns. The AAC App that I use is called Proloquo2Go. Other than that I also have moderate articulation difficulties, such as having an lateral lisp where air escapes from my mouth while speaking, a problem with my voicebox or larynx, and another problem with how I move my mouth to make noises in order to make correct articulation but i don't know if there is a name for this, so I consider myself semiverbal as a result. I have gone to speech therapy a bit but it was often short lived so I couldn’t improve fast enough.

Now, before we dive into the fun stuff, as in the stuff that is about me that has almost nothing to do with my autism, it's time for me to create a DNI List, and boundaries (Which will be editted as time goes on):

Boundaries are; Please do not send me messages if we aren't mutuals but if we are, please do not send me direct messages on either social platforms that i have if you are a minor, meaning that you are under the age of 18. DMs are fine in between me and an adult, or someone 18 years of age as well.

My Dni list includes the usual meanies; Fakeclaimers, ableists, transphobes, racists, nazis, biphobes and people who just intend to be mean to me, to my followers and or to my mutuals. I use the block button pretty liberally too so you might not be on this list but i might block you anyway for another reason.

Personal stuff and fun facts below the cut:

I live in Canada. My family was born in the Philippines, including my parents but they had me here in Canada. I’m a person of colour due to this, since I am brown (my skin colour) but also with a tinge of beige too if this makes sense. I don’t know Tagalog, I can only speak English but can understand some words my parents throw around.

I consider myself aromantic and asexual. I have basically no interest in dating and having sexual intercourse with anyone, regardless of gender. I learnt this about myself last year, when I got mad at my parents for always asking me about who will I marry and how I will get kids.

I love to read books. Currently I love reading all about autism. Autism is my current special interest and or hyperfixation. More on this interest later. Other than autism books, I love to read romance, coming of age and other non sci fi books.

I love watching TV. I like to use YouTube and I like to watch stuff about autism. But other than that I watch commentary videos, gameplay videos and especially Splatoon related videos that make me laugh or feel positive. I like watching action flicks, superhero movies, and what not.

I like to learn more about history, especially the world wars period. Even the Cold War period is interesting to me. I have been going to a certain class for high school that talks a lot about history and I love it!

My special interests are Splatoon, autism, and history. My current highly active one is autism because I am very confused still about what it means to be autistic especially with being extremely low functioning, and knowing more about it in relation to how I act would give me peace of mind. But while I am not engaging with my autism interest I am indulging into Splatoon stuff, or other things to keep me somewhat distracted from how my autism is like.

And that’s just about it- Oh wait I forgot to share with you guys my social media accounts! I am on Instagram and on TikTok.

My Instagram username is alwaysinthegreenzone but is subject to change. I will edit this to keep that on track for later of course. My TikTok username is Kate6790, or at least I think so. Please let me know if I’m wrong.

Now that’s about it!! Finally. Not forgetting anything!

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

AI as an accessibility tool just pisses me off. No it's fucking not.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

I hate AI slop. Nearly everything that i use has some FORM of AI slop embedded within it.

AI everywhere. Have you seen those AI posters? You'll understand the frustration then. Because ugh, those posters are just so ugly. It pisses me off like are we this lazy dude?

I would go to an event just because the poster was HAND. DRAWN. Not even made using PhotoShop or other editing software (WITHOUT their AI tools), just a poster that was drawn hastily. Because then you did use effort to promote your- whatever it is you want advertised and bought, etc.

Effort. Human effort. Something that has SOME soul, not something that doesn't have any soul whatsoever in it. I hope the AI bubble bursts sometime soon, i am just done and can't with these blatant AI nonsense posters anymore.

Next up is a post where i am frustrated about people saying that AI makes art easier for disabled people. Oh my god, don't even get me started on that bullshit.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

Why do some posts feel like they were written by AI instead of a real person?

This is a very ironic question, considering that the way that you format it seems like you had an AI generate it. Not saying that is what happened, but this is the vibe that i am getting off your ask.

But i don't care if it was. You do you. What i care about is how i will answer this question. I hope you understand that i don't feel mad or anything with your sending me this ask, i am actually glad that people are willing to try to call for accountability on what is actually AI versus what is actually NOT AI.

I will answer this fully at a later time though, i don't know how to change the topic in a fluid sense, I hope this makes sense though.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

cn you explin

Could you please elaborate on what you want me to explain further for you?

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

that is not what autistic pride is at all. and it is not an organized movement with a leader or set of rules. its simply autistic people and allies of autistic people trying to adjust the public narrative that autism is ONLY suffering and negatives for autistic people and their families. the concept of autistic pride is niche and radical outside of the internet and local advocacy groups. it is not something that is trying to take away supports from anyone! how did you come to this conclusion?? its the opposite, in fact... if there was less shame around needing supports, then better support would be available to all kinds of autistic people.

I'm sorry but where did you get YOUR conclusion that i said anything about people getting their supports taken away just because of Pride Day?

I urge people to please read my posts carefully in order to prevent miscommunications and misunderstandings.

Thanks.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

I am so confident again. I have been finding disability services and we are on the way of setting up a routine so that i spend less time online, on social media etc.

Because while i understand that social media is and can be a life saver or life changer for lonely teens, and for whole communities even, me saying that doesn't negate the harm that social media has caused me over the years.

I was very miserable and half of my meltdowns back in the day were literally caused by people online, by social media and its' predatory algorithms designed to rage bait in order to keep people scrolling on their apps longer. It is really disgusting when you notice it more and more, especially when you're the one they are feeding with their algorithms.

Especially on Instagram, their algorithm is specifically designed for ragebait to keep users scrolling more. And for me, the ragebait ranged from political takes/opinions all the way to cool and satisfying ASMR videos that people upload. There's not much a problem with those ASMR videos, but the real concern is the political videos that keep on popping into my algorithm.

Like at what point do the creators stop and think? Especially the creators who upload their takes and literally everyone is clowning on them in the comments. Like they gotta realize that they are doing something wrong at SOME point, bro.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

The Concept of Feeling Proud of Your Autism

This is a fairly new concept to me, as i have just learned about the existence of Autism Pride for the first time on Thursday (The date too btw). But from what i can gleam from everyone's posts about the subject, i don't feel too good about this new campaign.

The website for the event says it's not an awareness campaign, but it is a way for autistic individuals by autistic individuals to embrace their "differences". Blegh, what a very hot take. And that's not the finish of this disgusting new campaign either. They also state they are campaigning to get rid of the idea that autistic people need curing and treatment, while some autistic people do despise being treated and cured as a factor of their autism, this campaign overgeneralizes us.

Which is not cool. It can be considered as being ableist by the very people that you're claiming to support with this movement, by the way. This doesn't help autistic people live their best lives, especially since you are advocating against treatments that some autistic people do desperately and certainly NEED in order to live that life.

[checkyourasianbias]

Like, I do hate to bring this to everyone's attention. But people failing to be normal about Wasians is why a lot of mainstream Asian representation (IN THE WEST) exclusively features Wasians. It's this concept of them being "exotic" enough without being too far outside of society's rigid beauty standards. This negatively impacts how Wasians are viewed in daily life. Me bringing this up isn't to hate on Wasians because their situation sucks too. They are being fetishized for something they just are and can't do anything about because people are desperate to cling onto whiteness in every facet of their life.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

How are you doing?

I am doing just fine, thank you.

I am actually feeling quite excited for tommorrow too. I am going with my family to test drive an electric vehicle because we might buy that specific model later on this year.

After that, is the most important milestone of my life, and that's graduating from my high school. This is on the same day as the test drive, and i am super excited for tommorrow, as the reason.

Other than that nothing new relating to my disabilities and whatnot. I know you didn't ask this with that in mind but i really wanted to add it in because that is basically the whole shtick of my account on here, you know.

Thanks for asking! How are you doing though, lovely asker?

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

Can you make simple word version of some posts? Like what say but hard read

I'm sorry, i cannot do this at this time, but that doesn't mean i won't be able to at all. I might be able to reword certain posts, if you found those posts to be hard to read.

But i can find a way to make my future / next posts a bit easier to read, to understand. I can make them more simply worded in the future, that i can at least try to do.

And i get it though. I myself cannot understand half of what i had written, that is how bad my writing is and how non simply i can explain things. It's because of my Dysgraphia, more specifically my learning disability in written language that i was diagnosed with before i started High School.

I'm not using my Dysgraphia as an excuse, more so a reason behind why i would find it hard to try to make things more simpler for others to read. I can barely understand what i was trying to say myself. But that doesn't mean i won't try.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

I am so done with online methods of finding friends. I have said this multiple times, i know, but at this point this WILL be the final straw. I want to find real friends whom i can talk to in real life, not just online or only just online.

So that's why me and my mom are finding social skills and life skills programs in order to get me out of my house and touching grass daily instead of touching the keyboard. I want to get out, being chronically online is really miserable, at least for me. Because i understand that not everyone can have the privilege of having supportive family and services that can help them in any way shape or form, so i can't say anything about their situations.

But what i do know, because i will be stuck at home before these programs start, i am still going to be chronically online for the near future. And i am not looking forward to this. I do have a feeling that i may not get accepted to all of the programs that i had shown my mom, but at this point i'm not really worried. I might not get accepted to any of those programs, but what i'm glad of how my life is changing is that i at least have online classes for college. I have something other than being chronically online to do, and i am so glad for that even if it is an online class.

And mind you, all of this started when i had a fall out with one of my online friends over the past weekend. We had different priorities and having an argument over it was helluva way to find out, needless to say, i still have nothing against my online friend. I only notice our differences and that's okay.

[autisticoffin]

watering down autistic traits so theyre less disabling and seem more like "superpowers" or quirks is still ableism btw. autism doesnt make automatically make you a good person

it's so common for people to talk about having a strong sense of justice when discussing autism nowadays, as if having autism automatically makes you a fighter for social justice. it's true that being marginalized may make you more empathetic to other marginalized people, and that many of us who have been ostracized our whole lives wish to build a better world for others being ostracized. but not only is autism a spectrum, and not everyone with autism has that strong sense of justice, but we are also people with a variety of character traits and core beliefs and values

my sense of justice often manifests as self-punishment. if someone wrongs me and they don't acknowledge it, i hurt myself on purpose so their actions have consequences, even if it's at my expense. if someone eats something i told them not to, i'll refuse to eat. if someone makes a mess in my room, i'll force myself to stay outside all day even if i don't want to. i sometimes even punch myself to "punish" others. most of the time, no one notices. no one but me is being punished. but for me, just the act of SOMEONE paying for their actions matters

autism doesn't always make sense, and it sure as fuck doesn't make you an inherently good person. it's a disability

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

Update

So today something really cool happened regarding disability services in my province.

I had originally thought that the meetings, as they say, often take weeks upon weeks upon weeks to even be scheduled. But apparently, we had it on week 15 instead of on week 26.

My mom had answered most of the questions, adding new things and adding further detail than i had last night, and completed the support intensity scale assessment all in the same meeting instead of having both parts seperated into two seperate, three hour each, meetings.

So now all we have to do is wait for the assessor summary report, and then go from there. We have plans of enrolling me into life skills and social skills programs, and that can happen after the assessor summary report is finished and sent to us.

I hope that the report can come soon, i am very impatient and anxious about the last part of that meeting, the part of which i was not involved in at all actually to see if my perspective around my support needs (Solidly medium) is correct or not.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

Update 2

So this morning, my mom told me that the assessor, from yesterday's meeting, has predicted that i am somewhere in the middle of support needs, meaning that i have medium support needs. But we won't know for sure until we receive the email with the report saying so, regarding the percentile that my support needs are in, i think. We do not state support needs or autism levels here in Canada but that doesn't stop people from assuming, since it is possible to get a level diagnosis but it just isn't mandatory for services like they are in the United States for example.

We will receive the report somewhere in 4 weeks, if not in 2 weeks, but obviously through digital means though. I will make an update post regarding what my report says, or not, it depends on how i am feeling the day i receive it though.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

Update 3

Still no package from them. I have asked, and i have received my SIS-A results but that's it. I have sent the person working on it an email last weekend but even that email has been unanswered as of yet.

My mom told me that these things take a long time but at this point, it has been taken a longer time than expected. The same lady told me to expect it on the second week of June but the second week has gone, and has now turned into either the third or fourth week of June by now.

I am impatient, fully blown impatient now. I fear that it might not be done this year even. It might even be sent after the decade is done at this point. I think i should send another follow up email when not even the other email from last week gets answered.

[nebulaowls]

Something that is pissing me off a lot lately is people treating things neurodivergent people and other outsiders have been doing for decades as a trend or a novelty.

Right now it's when people ask me if I'm "doing that analogue trend" when i talk about my physical media collection.

Just, stop treating everything like a trend. You're all fucking brainwashed. I am literally mentally ill and i feel sane when i talk to these people.

[checkyourasianbias]

"poc person" you are saying person of color person. "poc artist poc writer poc media" that's not what it means!! stop that!!!

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

For me i personally use Black, Brown, Indigenous and Asian. I hated the term POC, it had me so confused.

[autisticthoughtdaughter]

You know, i never got to see my class get a graduation.