wicked heart

trans/ 20s/ i rant about things here instead of my diary because i want attention

[dollscentrose]

[thenilboger]

I've ghosted my journal for a few months and I'm scared to go back cause I think it will be awkward between us

[automnelog]

i feel like i have my tampon in my ass

[autismgaysparklez-deactivated202]

re-posting bc reblogs got turned off etc

[automnelog]

While it was benign, it's still weird that she saw nothing wrong with a guy jokingly threatening to hurt me :/

[prodigalwitch]

having a boyfriend wouldn't be so embarrassing if women didn't immediately make this random man the main character in their own lives. rewrote your life overnight, cut the cast in half, and now you're centering entire plot points around some boring guy we just met. cringe is putting it mildly.

[automnelog]

I dreamed of her for the second time this week. And it really feels like another timeline where she doesn't hate me and I'm not a burden. Where we still have time. And it's the only time where we can talk and still be friends. But we have to say goodbye.

[cosmic-guinea-pig]

I'm missing my bestie like hell and I don't know what I did wrong until mid October everything was perfect and fine and suddenly in a matter of 2 weeks they don't care about me anymore. I can't fucking sleep because I miss them so much, I miss having a friend that understandsy feelings, that I could trust so much and that was so protective of me. SO WHAT DID I DO WRONG ???

[thedaysinmylife]

Hey so I hate most things about you and for some reason I’m sad that we’re not friends. I think I hate the idea that you think I’m a bad person more than I hate the thought of me actually being a bad person and that’s a very shaky foundation for a friendship. I think that our friendship is fragile and neither of us are good enough friends to eachother to make it stronger. I’ll never trust you now and you’ll never trust me ever again. I don’t remember when I shifted from loving you to hating every single thing you stand for, but somewhere along the line our friendship died. And I thought I was the one being crazy but I realize that I’ve known you so long that we’re two sides of the same coin— you hated me just as much. I think you have a habit of telling me that you let go of grievances but you don’t actually. You hold on to them and let them go one after another during every confrontation and you don’t make it psychologically safe enough for me to do the same thing. I think you’re happy that our friend group is shattered and you can finally have your devoted followers. I think it’s okay for you to want things, but every thing you say feels obnoxious and I don’t know if it’s because I’m jealous or if you’re an insecure person who pretends that things don’t bother her and it manifests in you hurting me. I’m sad we’re not friends the same way but every thought of sadness is paired with an equal feeling of relief that we don’t talk. That I’m not spending another one of your birthdays making it all about you when the most you do for my birthday is give me some flowers and a happy birthday text. The last time we talked in person you said you wanted me at your wedding but I don’t think you actually do. And I want to be there for your wedding, I do, but I think you won’t invite me because you actually don’t even message me at all unless I text you first. I think that you spent most of our friendship telling me how you can’t wait to escape, that you can’t wait to run away, and I’ve never been a part of those plans of running away. I think about how you felt hurt when I showed concern for you seven years ago but decided to tell me this three months ago. I think about how you carry this hurt and tell me you don’t. I think about my own hurting, how it felt when you and I were on our own for the first time and you did everything you could to get away from me to the point that people Noticed and felt bad for me. I’m thinking about how I hold on to these feelings but I never act on them, and I’m thinking if I was wrong for that. I think that I’m guiltier that you were upset about things I said about you than the actual words I said. And honestly at the time I meant them in snark, but I don’t understand why you were so upset if it happened in the past. I think the person you’re better friends with now is stupid. I think the person I knew is years away from being a complete person. I resent her for giving me up. I hate her right now. But it kills me to think that somehow she became a better friend and a better person to you and that I wasn’t worth the same effort. I’m happy, genuinely, that you’re both not in my life. I feel guilty that I’m happy, and I don’t like how you hold me to a double standard than what you hold yourself. I want to block you from my social media but the last time I did that, you got upset because you noticed. I don’t want to be friends with you, but I don’t want a friendship break up. I don’t want tears and I don’t want nuclear fission. I want to come across your Instagram stories and feel passive the way I do with other people I’m friendly with. But I don’t know how to do this because every conversational path feels like a minefield I can’t navigate. And I don’t want to spend time with you. You want me to fight for you but I think I stopped fighting the day I had a panic attack reading you paragraphs of messages. None of my other friends hurt me the way you periodically rip my heart out and stomp on it. I want to like you but I want to erase our memories and stop holding on to the idea of a stranger.

[creekfiend]

people talk about how we need to bring back "don't feed the trolls" rhetoric for modern internet ragebait and I agree but also I think the most useful thing from the Old Internet that I miss is LURKING

be a lurker. just read things and think about them without feeling the need to weigh in or call out or disseminate everything you encounter. it's so nice and so freeing and it's a good way to learn things.

I have frequently regretted getting involved in shit that didn't involve me online but you know what I've never regretted doing? Lurking. literally lurk moar

[lookskindagreyout]

[hermit-cup]

Friendship breakups are the worst because i hate them but also no i don't i just want my old friend back and i miss them so much

[freakoutgirl]

Avoidance is the worst reaction to stress. Oh this thing is giving me anxiety? And it's something I could prepare for by looking at it more or learning things about the topic? No, I will take psychological damage if I look at it directly. I will still be thinking about it and be stressed though.

[templetv-deactivated20260211]

it's strange that someone can be such an integral part of your life, and then you blink and suddenly its almost three years later and the most contact you get is when you search their name on facebook in a moment of guilty weakness. I could fill a playlist of songs that remind me of you, and sometimes I miss you so much that it consumes me from the inside out- but I'm happier without you in my life. you're the enemy I wish the worst on, and i hope you hurt as much as i do. I still see the beauty in your soul and hope that you're happy. do you miss me too? don't answer that. I don't think I want to know

[jennyforeigner]

Just got a chatgpt ad where the use case was "can't decide a new years resolution". I can't think of anything more sad than needing a robot to tell you what your own ambitions are. Loser shit.

[whyenn-reader]

''when did we all become so performative'' idk man when the threat of being recorded at any time and posted for milions to see without your knowledge became normalised.

[whyenn-reader]

[automnelog]

sometimes it feels like my head is splitting open just thinking about her and what I have done, like it lingers in the air and keeps entering my mind each time I sleep. // i find your blog very interesting. i hope you keep it that way

go off, poet

[automnelog]

So I got scammed LMAO

[automnelog]

i can't even access my bank acount... i guess i'll open a new one for when i'll get a job

[automnelog]

wdym you can't verify my identity??? man i'll try contacting my bank on a saturday morning because nobody fucking called me

[automnelog]

So I got scammed LMAO

[automnelog]

i can't even access my bank acount... i guess i'll open a new one for when i'll get a job