track: woh humsafar thaa by qurat-ul-ain balouch
poetry: khalid ahmed and naseer turabi
When we parted ways, neither he, nor I dared to cry
But why is it then since, sleep hasn't touched our eyes
He was my companion but not in harmony were we
Like sunshine and shadows, separated yet intertwined, you see
We had our share of fights, our difference of opinions and beliefs
My lover had it all, but not a speck of infidelity in him
He was my companion, but not in harmony were we…
: kyra dione
(urdu words can have multiple meanings, and i had fun playing around with them in this video and trying to draw out the ones that i wanted you to know. i'm providing the translation for those of you who are interested in a more straightforward approach.)
special thanks to @miscelium and @nettlepixie for taking a second look at two very different stages in the process and for their advice!
I would. Like to speak again. About how Ilya is not actually being submissive. During tuna melt frot. But I will get myself in trouble again. So I can't.
Okay okay okay. The number of times I just watched tuna frot was obscene but I am ready to speak.
So. I would like to start by saying that quite literally everything that Shane does in that scene is submissive. Ilya isn't overly dominant in the scene, true--we've seen him much more assertive. However, it's pretty obvious that, despite Shane initiating, Ilya has the control. And Shane initiating doesn't read as dominant. Shane kisses Ilya's body, beelining for Ilya's crotch, and then buries his face there. This is...somewhat textbook submission.
When Shane swings a leg over, we see the placement of Ilya's hands. We see him subtly correcting Shane's posture, the way he wants him to sit. Shane is physically on top of Ilya but he is not in what's really thought of as a dominant position. Lapsitting is, itself, an element of kink and in certain communities is considered a way to establish possession over a submissive partner; i.e. the submissive sits in the dominant's lap to show who they belong to. They're not in public so it's not really that, but I do really believe it's still meant to be read as shorthand for Shane's submissive tendencies. Which have been spoken about, multiple times, by multiple people involved in making the show, including Hudson Williams.
Now we reach the big moments that tend to be cited by submissive/switch Ilya truthers as indicators of submission:
The 'Seeing God' look that he aims at Shane
"Gonna come for me, Rozanov?" "Fucking make me."
Ilya's vocalizations
So let's address them in order.
Ilya's 'Seeing God' look is, I will admit, heady. But I don't see it as submissive. Ilya, I think, just straight up thinks that Shane is beautiful and it's showing on his face. Connor is a really expressive actor. It shows here. Ilya's thought process is really obvious here, thanks to Connor's skill, and it's pretty clearly something along the lines of: Holy shit. This man continues to be the most beautiful man I have ever seen. And he is taking his dick out. And he's going to rub our dicks together. Lucky me. Also, Ilya in this moment is under the impression that he and Shane have agreed to be--not together maybe, but more. More than what they've been. Ilya thinks that they are consummating the end of their hookup era. He's allowing himself to do some things he maybe hasn't done before. Look a little longer, maybe, or a little nicer. This is still Ilya setting the tone. And, at the end of the day, they're having sex. His expressions are going to be pretty drunken.
Shane's, "Gonna come for me, Rozanov?" has never, and I mean never read as dominant to me. He's practically whining, and tone in human communication holds almost as much weight as the words--sometimes more. If we replaced one single word ('for' with 'on') I genuinely don't think that anyone would think it was anything but submissive. When Ilya says Fucking make me, it's meant to be read as a command, though a soft one. It's actually still a little whiny, lmao, but Connor loses some of his gravely Ilya-tone in this scene, I think maybe because of the repeated takes or because he's matching Hudson's energy--which is shaky and a little frantic. I noticed it again on the line, "Yeah, okay, you forgot team meeting," where he sounds more like Connor than Ilya, though it's subtle. Anyway, this is a bit of a nothingburger for me. It's just a sexy thing to say and Shane probably knows that it will--y'know, make Ilya come.
Ilya's vocalizations--LET THE DOMTOPS MOAN. For God's sake. Some submissives don't like it, I guess, but in my opinion they don't know what they're missing. This was the one scene that I considered skipping when I watched with my sibling because Ilya's vocalizations literally made me feel a way that I didn't want to feel sitting in a room with family. Thankfully I was expecting it the second time and felt a little more sane about it, haha. But yeah again, nothing about this reads as submissive to me. He's just...having a good time?? He's got the guy he likes in his lap kissing him and touching his dick. I think the implication is that they've never frotted before. It's pretty fun and nice to be doing something new. Also, again, Ilya is feeling a bit less inhibited here. He thinks he and Shane have reached an understanding. He's happy. Let dominants enjoy sex...let dominants moan...God fucking dammit...
Anyway. Here are a few ways that Ilya is still dominant in this scene:
The aforementioned ways in which Ilya guides Shane's body.
I do believe that Ilya nudges Shane to get in his lap when he has his face in Ilya's crotch but that's up for interpretation
Ilya gives several approvals throughout the scene. His Mm-hms early in the scene and his Da, like that a bit later. We know already that Shane likes to have Ilya's permission/approval. This is probably a normal part of their sex and not unique to this moment of their relationship, though this is the only time we see it onscreen.
The big one, for me, is Ilya making Shane hold out his hand to be spit in. That's...very dynamic-y, in my mind. That's not really something that I imagine a submissive deciding to do. Even if the argument is that Ilya is a switch--which I think it is, for most people. It just doesn't read as even remotely submissive to me, I'm sorry. I don't really know what a dominant headspace is like but if Shane wanted to be dominant over Ilya in that moment at all, I think that would take him out of it a bit.
In summary:
Shane initiates, is maybe driving a bit, but Ilya is in control. Every escalation Shane makes in the scene is with Ilya's permission. You can see it in the way he helps Shane with their clothing, in the way he places his hands on very proprietary areas of Shane's body--his hips, then his chest. There's even a part I noticed in my multiple replays of the scene for this breakdown where it looks like Shane is nosing in for a kiss that he does not receive until Ilya allows it (It looks like he's busy watching Shane jerk him off, which...we know Ilya likes to watch it go in, so). Shane is servicing Ilya. Ilya is directing the ways Shane's body moves. They're not performing kink, to be clear--like, this isn't a scene. They're just having sex. But they have a very clear dynamic that they don't stray from and that dynamic involves Ilya being dominant. I can't force people to see it this way but I can tell you that that is what it reads as to someone who, at the very lease, knows what submission looks and feels like in the body and knows that that's not what Ilya is doing in that scene.
From the diaries of the artist: «It was very difficult to work; I had to cut the brushes, make the bristle short, rub the colors was almost inconceivable. <… > The hand is cracking, it is breaking; the roaring hands refuse to serve. But you draw, all thirsty to put on the canvas these bizarre, gloomy, full of peculiar beauty paintings of the Far North» (source)
someone overhears ilya threatening shane with releasing an incriminating photo and the whole league and twitter goes wild because this is blackmail !!
so shane has to post the photo himself to prove that no, boston captain ilya rozanov does not have any evidence or incriminating documents on shane hollander
instead it’s a picture of canadas golden boy hungover eating mcdonald’s for breakfast flipping off the camera wearing a raiders hoodie
1) shane lying awake in his hotel room before going down to the gym where he meets ilya
2) ilya lying awake in his hotel room on nyd before a world juniors final match with shane
they don't sleep with each other right away. it takes what happens in these two scenes for ilya and shane to be sure that they want to do this.
shane: he’s come second to ilya in the draft and in the world juniors tournament. he can barely look at ilya when they're taking their commemorative pictures and only looks at him later on when he feels ilya's eyes on him. he immediately turns away, though, because, again, he can't look at him. he doesn't feel worthy of ilya's attention.
one of the main reasons shane finds ilya attractive is because ilya's his only competition, he's the only one shane has come across with the potential to beat him. he doesn't know if ilya's seen much off him beyond the world juniors performance and the draft because ilya doesn’t give him anything to go off of in that first meeting. even after that last ‘you won’t be so nice when we beat you’ comment, shane doesn’t know if ilya knows shane the same way shane knows him. sure, he might know of shane, but was he as obsessed as shane was? (yes. maybe.) he has only known ilya as someone who is stand-off-ish and confident in his own talent. he doesn't read as someone who needs to read up on his opponents and prepare accordingly. it's hot, but shane's now anxious because he believes ilya hasn't seen much to be impressed by. shane worries that ilya probably thinks that any reputation shane had of being a good player, of being ilya's comeptition is unearned. i mean, shane wouldn't find ilya as attractive if he could beat ilya so thoroughly either. it eats at him, his inadequacy, and that's why he goes down to the gym- to let off some steam but also to use his time wisely. he has to use every second he can to be better, so that he can prove himself to ilya. but!
ilya finds him in the gym, stays even after shane fails at proving himself on the exercise bikes, and makes it very clear that they’re going to be seeing each other a lot after this. he’s going to be seeing shane a lot. they’re going to be playing for montreal and boston- historical rivals with a storied history- who are putting all their hopes on them to help rebuild. they will be boston and montreal! there’s no other match for him. shane is still very much his competition: he will be positioned purposefully by everyone as his rival, and shane is also just that good. ilya knows this, and ilya looks forward to seeing shane try to prove himself over and over again. i want you to really push yourself. be reckless. overextend yourself. try try try. earn it. ilya won’t just assume that shane will always lose and stop engaging. he’ll just throw him more challenges (like outside the rink and on the bikes) because it’s fun to have those stakes. it’s fun to see shane try and for ilya to apply all his skill and cleverness into pushing shane into a corner. it’s fun to see shane reduced to what ilya makes of him. ilya likes to see him lose because ilya made him lose. the appeal hasn’t been lost.
ilya, right after this, is shown alone in his hotel room. unlike with shane, we don’t see his face until he gets off the bed. the anxiety is an external factor that transforms his lazy sprawl into anxious pacing around the room. it isn’t intrinsic. it isn’t self-inflicted. it also builds over the scene. alexei tells ilya that he wants more money and, then, calls ilya a slur when ilya says that the money he’s earned as a signing bonus from boston has dried up. ilya’s father follows shortly after with a tirade about how it’s an expectation that ilya plays for gold against canada and that ilya beat shane. he can’t just try. he has to.
the fact that he’s already been drafted number one in one of the best teams doesn’t matter. he has to keep being the best, keep earning more and more money, and keep living up to the potential that he’s shown in his childhood. that’s supposed to be normal for ilya. ilya isn’t allowed any distractions like his brother. for him, his hesitance comes from the fact that his pursuit of shane might distract him from doing what his family expects of him. he has to keep his duty paramount. he’d a ‘f*****’ if he doesn’t provide in the midst of thinking about shane, and that’s not a good thing. he likes a challenge, he wants to bully shane a bit, but he has to have his priorities straight. but!
russia loses at the finals. ilya gets second place, and shane is proud of himself. he’s excited to face off with ilya again for their first season as pro athletes now that he’s redeemed himself a bit. ‘see you in october!’: this is the potential that i have! this is part of why you’re attracted to me! look at me! i know you like beating me and bullying me, though, so try again in october! see if you can get your lick back then. but i’m still interested in this game of ours even after i beat you. once is not enough. i want to keep trying. put all of your skill into beating me. i like this. i want this. ilya, after this, probably decides to orchestrate a way to see shane before the season starts because he wants to get shane out of his system. he’s been distracted. he shouldn’t have spent so much time with shane in the gym, or spent all that time staring at shane during the draft. this was a mistake. the fact that october is months away also reminds him that there are months in between where he can sleep with shane. before the season starts! after that, he would have gotten his fix of dominating his arch rival and the hunger, the desire for danger would subside. in addition, that encounter will always be something that he can lord over shane via chirps at the faceoff dot. it would be the ultimate way to do what his father told him to do- don’t lose to him! this would ensure that he comes out of this situation the ‘victor’ because shane will never be able to approach him the way he did in saskatchewan, full of pride and false humility, ever again.
in this way, for ilya, shane transforms into a type of motivation/prize instead of a distraction. pursuing him, getting him to submit is now something that he looks forward to. while, shane gets to look forward to proving himself to ilya.
Still thinking about the prize vs proving himself dichotomy.
ilyas motivation is the prize of beating (and getting) shane. shanes motivation is proving himself (and winning the approval of) ilya. And they are highly preferences in those motivations. Ilya hates having to prove himself (to his father, to russia), and Shane hates prizes without the approval part (I win one stupid award and you can’t even show your face down there).
It’s intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. Ilya is motivated by what intrinsically delights him, what he can take for his own pleasure. And shane is motivated by the extrinsic pressure & relief of doing things for others and getting the recognition he deserves, what he can offer up & be rewarded for.
one year when boston is deep in a cup run but montreal was struggling with injuries and got knocked out first round or something i think shane should go to the iihf world championship wearing ilya's old neckguard
Boston wins their series with Toronto in five, and then they're sitting pretty waiting for the other side of the bracket. The Metros come back from a 2-game deficit to drag it out to seven, but Florida plays physical and the Metros' defense is already spread thin from injury; Shane puts up three points in the elimination game and it's not enough. 4-3 in overtime, and the Metros are out in round one.
"Sorry," Ilya says later, when they call. "It was close."
"Yeah," Shane says. There's not much to say. "Not our year." No more words, just short harsh breaths on the line, and then: "Fuck."
If Ilya were there he would put his teeth to the tender crook of Shane's throat, press Shane down into the bed and take him apart slow. But he's in Boston and Shane's in a nondescript hotel in Miami, so instead he says, "Get in the bathroom."
"What?"
"You need a shave, yes?" Shane's beard is still patchy this early in the playoffs. Ilya's felt it scrape along the inside of his thighs, leave the skin prickling and warm. "Go do it. I will watch."
Shane's jaw works. The camera doesn't capture the flint of his eyes, the line that must be creased between his brows. It doesn't matter. Ilya knows the ways Shane will bend. He stares at the screen, hungry, and a thousand miles away Shane gets off the bed.
The view dips, goes dark, then too bright. A clatter; an angle of a bathroom counter. Shane comes back into view, a razor in hand. Hesitates. "Should I--"
"Mm."
The water runs. First the soap, and then the clean stroke of the razor. Shane's hands are steady as he works. He'd had a goal second period: a slick dangle through the D-pair, then a wrister into the top corner. The Raiders in his living room had exploded in appreciative shouts. Ilya had watched, and wanted, his mouth gone wet.
"I should do this for you," Ilya murmurs.
"Yeah?"
"You would like it, I think." He imagines being there, taking Shane's jaw in his hand. "You'd have to be very good." Ilya would be so careful with him. All that tender skin, smooth and pink. Shane's shallow breathing; his glassy eyes.
Shane lowers the razor. There's water dripping onto the counter. "Ilya."
"Touch yourself." He waits for Shane to put the razor down, a quiet click. "No, other hand."
It'll be harder for Shane, and that's what Ilya wants. It takes a second before his hand disappears under the counter. Ilya watches Shane's eyes, the teeth sinking into his lip. The hiss of his exhale, just audible over the call.
"I want to hear you," Ilya says, and finally gets a hand on his own dick. A long lazy stroke, groaning with it. Shane's breath hitches at the sound; his forearm jerks, convulsive. "Make some noise for me, okay?"
Shane does. God, he does.
***
T-1 to puck drop there's a ping on Ilya's phone: Raymonds pulled out of Team Canada. For a moment Ilya just blinks at the text, no context for it, before he remembers the fucking World Championship. Conflicts with the playoffs every year. Shane would have declined the invitation before.
You have not had enough hockey?, Ilya sends, but he knows the answer to that. He looks up where Worlds are this year, mentally marks the time difference between Boston and Bratislava. Then he tucks his phone away and gets ready to destroy Florida.
The Raiders are playing hungry this year. Ilya tries not to dwell on it, but the thought lives in him, bright and sharp-edged. One last time before he leaves. He's been here eight years, called this place home, bled and cried with these men. It's the only way he knows how to say thank you.
***
The first game is a shutout for Boston. Ilya stretches into bed with a satisfying ache all through his muscles. Shane picks up on the second ring. "Hey," he says. "You looked good out there."
"I always look good," Ilya says, preening. "When are you flying out?"
"A few days. I've been trying to pack, but I can't find my neck guard."
"You have one?" Shane doesn't normally wear one. Ilya's thoughts snag on the image of something dark around Shane's throat.
"From the juniors." Shane sounds a little sheepish. "It's comfortable, you know? I might've left it at my parents' place, I'll go over tomorrow."
The words come out without thought. "Wear mine."
Somewhere deep in his closet Ilya has one, too: a strip of fabric and plastic, worn, faded. At some point Ilya had put his name on it, the inside edge where it would lie against the hollow of his throat. Silver against the black: Илья Розанов.
Shane opens his mouth. Closes it. "I can't come to Boston," he says, which is not a no. His eyes are wide on the screen, and Ilya's teeth ache.
"I will send it to you." There's same-day delivery to Canada. The logistics aren't the problem.
"What if--" Shane swallows. "What if it's not comfortable?"
This is how Ilya knows he's won. He can be magnanimous in victory. "If you try and don't like it," he says. "Then fine, don't wear it. You can choose."
Shane's breathing hard; they both know what he'll choose. "Okay," he says. Touches his tongue to his teeth. "Okay."
***
Boston wins the next game at home, then lose one away. A grinding, dirty game, chippy from the start and stretching into 2OT. It's a lucky bounce that wins it for Florida, the kind that sticks in your teeth, and Ilya doesn't get back to the hotel until midnight.
He's exhausted when he crawls into bed. He means to go to sleep, but midnight in Florida is seven where Shane is, which means Canada is playing Norway in ten hours. Have fun, Ilya texts, absently taps open Twitter, and abruptly comes face to face with Shane.
There's a mic in his face. His hair is a sweaty fringe, probably just out from practice. Someone's asking him a question, who the fuck cares, and all Ilya sees is the dark layer of the neck guard under the collar of Shane's jersey.
Fuck. He goes hard in an instant, shocked wide awake. The way it shifts when Shane tilts his head. The bob of his throat. The interview ends, and Ilya hits replay, shoves a hand into his briefs. It's embarassingly fast: the orgasm hits like a train, hard and blinding, before the video finishes playing a second time.
He's still panting when Shane texts back. Next time, and then: Good night :) Love you.
An ocean away Shane is waking up. He'll put on his pads, his skates, his Team Canada jersey. He'll play the same beautiful hockey he's been playing since he was old enough to stand up, and it will be Ilya's name on his neck, pressing against skin. Keeping him safe.
This year, Ilya is going to win the Cup. He's going to win with the C on his chest, Raiders screaming in his ear, and that will be what he remembers when he asks for the trade. He'll walk away, even though it'll kill him, because the other side of this is Shane. Shane, and the slow yielding in him that has him thrusting his own head into a collar.
After the game, Ilya sends, call me. Shane, lit up with victory, is a beautiful thing. Ilya could spend a lifetime devouring him. Keep the neck guard on.
1) shane lying awake in his hotel room before going down to the gym where he meets ilya
2) ilya lying awake in his hotel room on nyd before a world juniors final match with shane
they don't sleep with each other right away. it takes what happens in these two scenes for ilya and shane to be sure that they want to do this.
shane: he’s come second to ilya in the draft and in the world juniors tournament. he can barely look at ilya when they're taking their commemorative pictures and only looks at him later on when he feels ilya's eyes on him. he immediately turns away, though, because, again, he can't look at him. he doesn't feel worthy of ilya's attention.
one of the main reasons shane finds ilya attractive is because ilya's his only competition, he's the only one shane has come across with the potential to beat him. he doesn't know if ilya's seen much off him beyond the world juniors performance and the draft because ilya doesn’t give him anything to go off of in that first meeting. even after that last ‘you won’t be so nice when we beat you’ comment, shane doesn’t know if ilya knows shane the same way shane knows him. sure, he might know of shane, but was he as obsessed as shane was? (yes. maybe.) he has only known ilya as someone who is stand-off-ish and confident in his own talent. he doesn't read as someone who needs to read up on his opponents and prepare accordingly. it's hot, but shane's now anxious because he believes ilya hasn't seen much to be impressed by. shane worries that ilya probably thinks that any reputation shane had of being a good player, of being ilya's comeptition is unearned. i mean, shane wouldn't find ilya as attractive if he could beat ilya so thoroughly either. it eats at him, his inadequacy, and that's why he goes down to the gym- to let off some steam but also to use his time wisely. he has to use every second he can to be better, so that he can prove himself to ilya. but!
ilya finds him in the gym, stays even after shane fails at proving himself on the exercise bikes, and makes it very clear that they’re going to be seeing each other a lot after this. he’s going to be seeing shane a lot. they’re going to be playing for montreal and boston- historical rivals with a storied history- who are putting all their hopes on them to help rebuild. they will be boston and montreal! there’s no other match for him. shane is still very much his competition: he will be positioned purposefully by everyone as his rival, and shane is also just that good. ilya knows this, and ilya looks forward to seeing shane try to prove himself over and over again. i want you to really push yourself. be reckless. overextend yourself. try try try. earn it. ilya won’t just assume that shane will always lose and stop engaging. he’ll just throw him more challenges (like outside the rink and on the bikes) because it’s fun to have those stakes. it’s fun to see shane try and for ilya to apply all his skill and cleverness into pushing shane into a corner. it’s fun to see shane reduced to what ilya makes of him. ilya likes to see him lose because ilya made him lose. the appeal hasn’t been lost.
ilya, right after this, is shown alone in his hotel room. unlike with shane, we don’t see his face until he gets off the bed. the anxiety is an external factor that transforms his lazy sprawl into anxious pacing around the room. it isn’t intrinsic. it isn’t self-inflicted. it also builds over the scene. alexei tells ilya that he wants more money and, then, calls ilya a slur when ilya says that the money he’s earned as a signing bonus from boston has dried up. ilya’s father follows shortly after with a tirade about how it’s an expectation that ilya plays for gold against canada and that ilya beat shane. he can’t just try. he has to.
the fact that he’s already been drafted number one in one of the best teams doesn’t matter. he has to keep being the best, keep earning more and more money, and keep living up to the potential that he’s shown in his childhood. that’s supposed to be normal for ilya. ilya isn’t allowed any distractions like his brother. for him, his hesitance comes from the fact that his pursuit of shane might distract him from doing what his family expects of him. he has to keep his duty paramount. he’d a ‘f*****’ if he doesn’t provide in the midst of thinking about shane, and that’s not a good thing. he likes a challenge, he wants to bully shane a bit, but he has to have his priorities straight. but!
russia loses at the finals. ilya gets second place, and shane is proud of himself. he’s excited to face off with ilya again for their first season as pro athletes now that he’s redeemed himself a bit. ‘see you in october!’: this is the potential that i have! this is part of why you’re attracted to me! look at me! i know you like beating me and bullying me, though, so try again in october! see if you can get your lick back then. but i’m still interested in this game of ours even after i beat you. once is not enough. i want to keep trying. put all of your skill into beating me. i like this. i want this. ilya, after this, probably decides to orchestrate a way to see shane before the season starts because he wants to get shane out of his system. he’s been distracted. he shouldn’t have spent so much time with shane in the gym, or spent all that time staring at shane during the draft. this was a mistake. the fact that october is months away also reminds him that there are months in between where he can sleep with shane. before the season starts! after that, he would have gotten his fix of dominating his arch rival and the hunger, the desire for danger would subside. in addition, that encounter will always be something that he can lord over shane via chirps at the faceoff dot. it would be the ultimate way to do what his father told him to do- don’t lose to him! this would ensure that he comes out of this situation the ‘victor’ because shane will never be able to approach him the way he did in saskatchewan, full of pride and false humility, ever again.
in this way, for ilya, shane transforms into a type of motivation/prize instead of a distraction. pursuing him, getting him to submit is now something that he looks forward to. while, shane gets to look forward to proving himself to ilya.
[...] as though there were no more skin separating one from the other, nothing of self and nothing of other, as though when the bodies are united and elided in this way, there is a wholly new optics in this inner dark.
i truly do have so much to say about ilya’s bisexuality i’m just so bad at actually articulating it but
the way that people frame it as if him choosing shane means he’s not attracted to women anymore, or that he’s not attracted to anyone except shane anymore
the way people act like it would’ve been so easy for him to just choose to end up with a woman instead as if the only thing a bisexual person could possibly care about in a partner is 1. can i fuck them 2. can i avoid homophobia
the way people pathologise his history of casual sex to try and make out like it wasn’t his choice and it was never something he actually enjoyed
the way ilya being with women/talking to shane about women during the situationship is seen as inherently more slutty and fuckboy-esque than if he’d done the same but with men
the way people act that him choosing shane is proof that he’s actually gay bc no bisexual man would ever choose a man as their long term partner. the way people act like it’s a good thing bc thank god ilya isn’t one of those real bisexuals, the ones who cheat and lie and can never be satisfied with one partner and will always insist on forcing their partner into an open relationship or a threesome
the way ilya won’t read this shit but your bi friends will
bi ilya ❤️ bi monogamous ilya ❤️ bi ilya who loves shane and chose to build a life with him and is committed to him ❤️ bi ilya who is still attracted to women ❤️ bi ilya who is attracted to women more than he’s attracted to men ❤️ bi ilya who’s attracted to shane most of all ❤️ bi ilya who could’ve fallen in love with anyone but he fell in love with shane and chose him over and over again every single time ❤️
