The Guilt-Free Social Life
In my experience, it was challenging to have a social life with young kids. I carried a level of guilt about leaving the kids with sitters. I also felt emotionally responsible leaving Heidi with the kids and going out with the guys. This requires a moment of reflection - I wish I would have realized as a young parent that I deserved those breaks. Why did I feel guilty about having a social life?
As the kids entered junior high and then high school, guilt was replaced with busyness and purpose. The Core Four became engulfed in a world of gymnastics, martial arts, band, choir and theater. It felt important to be involved in all these endeavors â I felt that engagement was the right parental decision. While I donât disagree with that notion, did Heidi and I take appropriate time to prioritize ourselves? Did we take the time to rejuvenate as a couple and with our friends?
The purpose here is not to have regrets, we made decisions based on what we felt was best for the family. Were there even enough days in a week for a proper rejuvenation to feasibly happen? I know our intentions were solid; our objectives were focused.
The purpose instead is to learn from our parenting experiences. As we move forward, what does our social life look like now that Heidi and I have an empty nest? For starters, the social life should be guilt-free. We have grown to acknowledge these breaks are healthy and restorative.
Our social calendar has many categories: Time spent alone with Heidi, Heidi and I with other couples, Heidi and I with family, individually with friends and individually with family (like my recent solo trip to Milwaukee to visit Jules). I'm going to explore a couple of the categories with more depth.
By definition of The Empty Nest, Heidi and I are home together in the evening. Therefore, we arenât going out to get away, but rather to enjoy each otherâs company. In our first year as empty nesters, I can assure you we are VERY good at going out to dinner to spend time together! Heidi recently bought us a date night book, the bookâs intention being the random removal of a sticker, followed by the immediate completion of the activity found under said sticker. We arenât nearly that spontaneous, so we are going to modify its use and utilize it as an idea generator.  We have used it once successfully - Iâll keep you posted! I think its purchase alone means we are thinking positively about The Empty Nest. If you have activity ideas for empty nesters, drop them in the comments! (Please like and subscribe if you are enjoying The Sandwich Generation.)
In another avenue, The Empty Nest has allowed for more flexibility to spend time individually with my friends. I feel very fortunate to have four close friends that I get together with on a semi-regular basis. With two of these friends I have done guys trips or weekends. The other two I typically meet for dinner (but would definitely like to travel with - you know who you are!). This time is so important to me â to bond, to vent, to relate. When Iâm with my friends, Iâm reminded that Iâm not alone. These guys are often going through very similar struggles. Often time the struggles are so strikingly similar, it feels like we are living the same life, even if for just a moment.  It reminds me that we have so much to learn from one another. Surround yourself with people you can learn from, friends.
I am certain that my place in The Sandwich Generation will bring about another shift in the evolution of my friendships above. Until then, Iâm going to be present and enjoy my moments. As Iâm editing this, Iâm off to have dinner with a dear friend.
Source: The Guilt-Free Social Life
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