What's the point of getting defensive when people are telling you some of the language you use when it comes to matters of SA is hurtful?
It's not about Gwyn as a character but how her SA is being discussed. That's the issue.
It’ the fact that a lot of e/riel’s follow an account that said that Gwyn is lying about her sexual assualt
It’s the fact that a lot of e/riel’s think that saying a SA surivior is luring and seducing a man for evil intent
It’s the fact that a lot of e/riels say how Gwynriels are disgusting for shipping Gwyn with Azriel because apparently SA survivors can’t overcome their trauma and be in a happy, healthy, and consensual sexual relationships.
So yes, we have every right to get upset with how you speak about SA and the survivors of it. Even people outside the Gwynriel community have pointed out how disgusting some of these theories are.
Okay, I can’t speak for *every* Elriel because even as an Elriel, I’ve come across especially shitty Elriels, but you are extremely off base here. In assuming it’s even most Elriels who think that way. Both of you, actually.
You’re over here assuming that Elriels aren’t also in the unfortunate group of those who have been assaulted. I’m going to go off of US statistics here since that’s what I know but do not think there aren’t very similar or worst statistics in other countries:
1 in 6 women are expected to be r*ped per year in the US.
80% of those victims are assaulted (the first time) before the age of 25.
About 70 women commit s*icide EVERY DAY following an act of sexual violence.
Think about that. That means there are a lot of us who have had these experiences and there are plenty of others who couldn’t handle it to the point where they took their own lives thanks to the pain.
So do you want to know what’s truly disgusting? The fact that, every day, I see NSFW Gwynriel artwork. The fact that I see Gwynriels explicitly detailing sexual acts involving Gwyn. Who yes, is an SA survivor. You don’t get to decide how or when she heals. You don’t get to decide how traumatized she was. Fiction or not, I see so many of you blatantly assuming she’s even *ready* for that form of intimacy. As an SA survivor myself, how dare you? If Gwyn can get to that point, that’s great and she deserves it. But how can any of you jump to her already being healed enough for it? It’s an insult to her and to every SA survivor every single time there’s yet more NSFW content of Gwyn. Not even of just Gwyn and Az—but of Gwyn and anybody. None of you stop to consider Gwyn, you just rush to how she and Az might end up together. If anyone is truly doing Gwyn a disservice and making assumptions, it started with you. So no, you don’t have every right to get upset about how we speak about SA and survivors of it. We *ARE* survivors of it. Just like plenty of you are. So stop pretending we’re “throwing a tantrum.” Enough of the justice system already does that to those of us who have the courage to report our assaults to the police.
I said a lot of E/riels because there are a lot. The biggest e/riel accounts on the Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram alike have the opinions I listed and yes, they are followed by a lot of e/riels. That doesn’t mean that the majority of E/riels think this way but there are a lot of them that do.
I do want to touch on some things.
“So do you want to know what’s truly disgusting? The fact that, every day, I see NSFW Gwynriel artwork. The fact that I see Gwynriels explicitly detailing sexual acts involving Gwyn. Who yes, is an SA survivor. You don’t get to decide how or when she heals.”
Gwyn has stated that she wants to leave the library, reads smut books and has even asked Nesta herself if sex was good, which is proof that she is curious and open to the idea of having sex herself. Gwyn has an interest in sex and the fact that you are trying to shame Gwynriel’s for drawing explicit art of her being healed and in a healthy CONSENUAL relationship is very questionable.
“None of you stop to consider Gwyn, you just rush to how she and Az might end up together. If anyone is truly doing Gwyn a disservice and making assumptions, it started with you.”
Gwyn is not real.
We cannot rush Gwyn because she is not real.
We are not taking a real person and putting her in a sexual situation. What we are doing is imagining a time in the future where Gwyn is healed and ready for sex. Once again, SHE IS NOT REAL THEREFORE SHE CANNOT BE RUSHED INTO SEX. I love Gwyn and she is by far one of my favourite ACOTAR characters and the fact that you’re making it seem like we’re prioritizing a ship over her is aggravating because we aren’t. We’re enjoying a ship between two fictional characters who we can headcanon together in the future.
Also, I’ve never stated that there are no E/riels who are SA survivors. I’m not an idiot. What I’m saying is that some of the theories projected by E/riels regarding Gwyn are problematic, because they are.
The promotion of the ideology that a SA survivor cannot heal and be in a sexual relationship when we have CANON TEXT that she is interested in it, is disgusting.
I’m sorry you went through the ordeal and violation of SA and you are entitled to have your own opinion based off of your own experiences and the healing journey you may have gone on or are still going on. In fact I wish you nothing but the best in that regard. But you have absolutely no right to shame people for shipping Gwynriel because you think a SA survivor can’t heal even though she wants to learn about sex. And the theories that Gwyn is lying about her SA is vile. The theory that she is luring and seducing Azriel and is evil even though she is a SA survivor is also horrid.
If you don’t agree with me then block me because this is an opinion that I will not change. These theories promote harmful stereotypes and ideologies around SA survivors that exist in the real world.
LMAO holy shit.
Okay, so 1. Gwyn didn't read smut. She read a rather tame romance novel. Which is still a great step in the right direction, absolutely. But just because someone is curious about sex and even open to the idea doesn't mean they're 100% ready. It's actually questionable that, once again, people assume she's ready. None of us knows if or when Gwyn will be ready since we last saw her retreating to the library. Which, by the way, is completely fine if that's what she wants and is where she feels safe.
2. You're right, Gwyn *isn't* real. But I love that most of your posts or reblogs use language regarding Gwyn as if she's a real person. Which, again, is also fine. What's not fine is when you use the "Gwyn isn't real" argument when it suits you. Most Gwynriels I've see do talk about Gwyn as if she's a real person. Considering how many readers likely heavily relate to Gwyn, *especially* considering her trauma, it's probably even better to discuss Gwyn as if she's real. For many, she is. For many, her accomplishments are inspiring. For many, it gives them hope that they can begin to heal themselves. However, that still doesn't mean you can pretend you don't talk about Gwyn as if she's real just to make a point. We both know it's bullshit.
3. No, you didn't state that no Elriels have dealt with SA. But you've sure as hell acted like it. You act like the Elriels who have criticized or theorized about Gwyn don't know what they're talking about. Do you not realize what that does? How invalidating it can feel to other SA survivors who see it? Clearly not, otherwise you wouldn't be jumping to that conclusion. THAT is quite problematic.
4. Please show me where Elriels have explicitly stated that Gwyn can't have a healthy sexual relationship because of her trauma? Because I haven't seen it. Every Elriel I've spoken to has completely disagreed with that, actually. For all you know, it was a bullshit theory that got circulated specifically to start drama.
5. Go back into anything I've said and show me where I said that I didn't believe that Gwyn couldn't have a sexual relationship because she's an SA survivor. Please, show me. I'd love to know where I said that. Guarantee you won't find it. But here you are, twisting words once again. Twisting the words of a person you now know is an SA survivor herself. So why would I ever believe that any SA survivor COULDN'T have a healthy sexual relationship? I, of all people, know that survivors *can* have healthy sexual relationship. I've been happily married for nine years--I'm walking proof and I'm the last person who would ever think survivors couldn't heal. So again, how dare you?
6. The theories about Gwyn lying about her SA is quite far-fetched to begin with, but it's not impossible. Do I think it's true about Gwyn? No. However, it happens. Acting like it doesn't is just naive. The theories about Gwyn seducing, luring, or being evil in general--again, not impossible. Do I believe it about Gwyn? No. But, AGAIN, it happens. Someone being a survivor does not absolve them of mistakes, shit choices, or twisted minds. There are plenty of messed up people who are SA survivors. There are plenty of horrible people who are SA survivors. Hell, 26% of serial killers are SA survivors, but they still turned into evil people. Being a survivor doesn't automatically give anyone a pass. Trauma can fuck with anyone in all sorts of different ways. For some, it twists their minds. Again, I do not believe that's the case for Gwyn. Just in case you try to twist my words again, I want to make that very clear. But trying to shame people for bringing up the possibility that SA survivors can be bad people is messed up given how realistic it is and how much it happens.
To close this out, I appreciate you acknowledging my own trauma and I thank you for wishing me the best. However, that wasn't why I mentioned it. The fact that I even had to mention it in order to somehow prove that I'm not talking out of my ass is bad enough. I mentioned it because I have direct experience with it. I've learned so much from having had these experiences. I learned facts about what happened to me as a way to regain control. I know exactly what it can take to go from a state of panic at the mere thought of sex to actually being able to enjoy it and look forward to it. I know that there are countless survivors out there who need *years* of therapy and medication before they're ready for sex. I know that it's always significantly safer to assume a survivor isn't ready than to assume they are. I know that curiosity about sex does not at all equate to being ready for sex.
And I know how harmful it is when others make assumptions about your trauma and your healing, and it's not just harmful to that person but it's harmful to others who have survived. Gwyn is not a real person, but the amount of assumptions I see about Gwyn's healing is, yes, disgusting. There are other survivors seeing those things. Other survivors who might see these assumptions and assume they should be ready, too. It doesn't feel very good and it's extremely easy to beat yourself up over not being ready.
So *think* before you make such assumptions and, for the love of god, stop twisting the words of anyone who doesn't agree with you. It's shit like that that creates so much drama. But hey, maybe you like that sort of thing.
« LMAO holy shit. »
My reaction reading that, indeed.
Wow each take was just worse than the one before. @moondust-of-io how did you miss every time
