Fire Pixie

Don't touch me.

[kaylmao]

all my enemies become anemones in my coral reef of success

[thebibliosphere]

Current writing advice I'm seeing on TikTok and Insta is telling authors to stop using em dashes in their work because, "AI uses em dashes so people will think you've used AI."

Y'know, the AI that was trained on the stolen work of real authors?

Anyway, I will not be doing that. What I will be doing, however, is adding a note at the start of all my books that no AI was used in the creation of my work because I, the author, did not go to university for four fucking years to study English literature and linguistics only to be told I can't use proper grammar because someone might think a robot wrote it.

Fucking, insane.

[disgustinggf]

[maidthings]

you ever wake up from a dream amd immediately think "well that was a bit heavyhanded"

[skeilig]

i love when you just click the share link on a picture on your phone and you get a bunch of batshit insane options. yeah let me email this selfie to the periodontist office. let me send this to my boss on teams. perfect suggestions.

[bonesbeetle]

there's a stage in sandwich consumption where it's falling to pieces & you're desperately cupping it in your hands & it's like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die

[mollybeenoel]

Source: poeticalphotos

[daily-spooky]

[tlirsgender]

I bet biting cardboard feels good as hell if you're a cat

[tlirsgender]

Many are telling me to bite cardboard & I could but I just feel like it wouldn't be the same because my teeth aren't like a staple remover

[tunisian]

source? i felt it in my heart

[pulseofnow5786]

[tundrakatiebean]

I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.

[badjokesbyjeff]

A Blonde, a Brunette, and A Red Head are sentenced to death.

They are lined up in the yard to be killed. The main guard went up to the Brunette. “You have a choice on how you would like to die: by electric chair, firing squad, or hanging. Which will it be?”

The Brunette replied, “I’ll take the electric chair.”

She was led away by two other guards to the electric chair. She was strapped in and the executioner flipped the switch. The Brunette flinched before noticing that nothing happened. Not even a spark.

“Nothing’s happening,” cried the Brunette.

“What? That’s impossible! How?!” yelled the executioner.

“I don’t know, but maybe it’s a sign?” The Brunette replied.

“A sign from above! This must be divine intervention! Release her!”

The guards followed the executioner’s orders and unstrapped the Brunette, leading her back out. She passed the Red Head as she walked back. She leans towards the Red Head.

“The chair’s not working.” she whispered. The Red Head nodded and she watched as the Brunette was led away. The main guard approaches the Red Head. “I present to you the same choice. Which will it be?”

The Red Head replied, “I’ll do the electric chair.”

She was led away by the two other guards to the electric chair. Like the Brunette before her, she was strapped in and the executioner flipped the switch. The Red Head flinched but again, nothing happened, not even a spark.

“It didn’t do anything,” cried the Red Head.

“Again? Impossible!” yelled the executioner.

“Who knows, it could be a sign?” The Red Head replied.

“Another sign! Divine intervention again! Release her!”

The guards followed the executioner’s orders and unstrapped the Red Head, leading her back out. She passed the Blonde as she walked back. She leans towards the Blonde.

“The chair’s not working.” she whispered. The Blonde nodded and she watched as the Red Head was led away. The main guard approaches the Blonde. “I present to you the same choice. Which will it be?”

The Blonde replied, “Well, since the chair is broken, I guess I’ll do the firing squad.”

[badjokesbyjeff]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…

“Son, go get your mother.”

[badjokesbyjeff]

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 or 4 minutes before they collapse on the couch, thinking that their wife should be really happy.

[bug-mp3]

they should make it easier

[mommy-mortis]

what?

[bug-mp3]

Everything. All of it

[kingcatnine]

I have been known to indulge in a glass of water