Take Me As I Am or Watch Me As I Go

♥ Jacqueline Ngo ♥ I'm in no rush; I'm looking for the right one, not the next one. League of Legend: @ babebabyboo Wanna know more? Just ask.

[babebabyboo-blog]

fuck him

I honestly can’t handle it. I am sick and tired of my boyfriend. He feels the same with me. He has been trying to break up with me for over a week by now. But the thing is when I say I want to break up he gets mad at me saying that he loves me and that he knows I love him. I can’t love someone like that. I can’t be with someone like that. I know I am a handful. I know that I get crazy at times. But being here in this environment stresses me out. For instance right now, he got mad at  me because my mom offered to get me an iphone 8 and yes I understand my parents don’t have that much money. But I have an 5se which I know my boyfriend bough out of pocket for me. But the fact is why am I not allowed to have a new phone. He didn’t want to buy me a new new phone and my mom does so why can I not have it? Why does he have to keep yelling at me and talking about my parents in that way.

Overall im just so over it. Hes over it . but we are still together and we don’t even know why. But honestly I think im still there cause I have all my shit there and its hard to move it in one go by myself. But whats even more annoying is that he tries to kick me out right when I go to bed. Its like wtf why would I move all my shit at night. He always just tells me to grab all my stuff and leave when I am always about to go to bed and its so annoying.

I honestly cant deal with it anymore and im to scared to break up. Its so annoying he tells me that I complain to much and its like sorry I have a lot of problems I don’t know what is wrong with me but I know you aren’t a help. But its hard when he doesn’t like me having friends. But I am sorry that my frends are usually guys. I don’t really have any girl friends. I tried but it never works out.

 Overall I just cant deal with him and life all at the same time. I have to slowly move my shit out cause I cant get everything at once.

[babebabyboo-blog]

I honestly use this to rant about life

But to be honest, I don’t know how I feel. I feel like im a toxic relationship. A relationship which I usually would tell my friends to get out. I am not sure if its truly toxic or is it just me. It could be just me especially with the way he keeps telling me its me.  Telling me that im crazy or gross. Telling me that my life is stress and that I need to learn to communicate and stop going crazy. 

I don’t even know what to do with myself and this relationship. To be called crazy because I work a job from 8:45-545 monday thru fridays and when I come home I want a bedroom that is  meant to sleep in. Not a room that is a cave with a TV making it seem like the movies. I want a bedroom that has the bed where I can sleep at 10 pm and a window that will let light in in the  mornings, whereas he is the opposite. He wants the darkness to be pitch, he wants the movies on overnight and he wants to sleep at 3 to 5 am.

To be told spoiled because I live at his house, which lets keep in mind its a two story house with 3 bedroom 3 bath, 2 living rooms and a kitchen and a huge back yard and a pool. But its not what I want. I don’t desire these things.

I am at the age where I feel that I need to work. I rather work now so that I can have a manageable lifestyle later. But for him he wants to keep his calm relaxing life where he doesn’t have to go to work all the time and he has limited hours. Talking about this makes me realize what type of gender stereotype it really is. How he could possibly actually only work 10 hours where I work 40 hours killing myself to get the same pay. 

I am now considered unrealistic because of the bedroom I desire, because of the fact that I want to go to bed with someone who wants to hold me and sleep with me at night, not just watch movies next to me while I struggle to fight the light. I am unrealistic because apparently now I have anxiety and I am crazy because of my job. When in reality I don’t think its my job I think it’s actually him.

But I can’t leave him because we been together for a year already and I have all my stuff with him. I can’t leave because our life has been twined already. I can’t go. But I don’t know what I can do to make this situation better. 

He used to be better trust me. In the beginning, to have someone who wants to love me, to be with me, to want to support me, to take care of me. But after time he just calls me crazy and say that I am too much. Too much, just like everyone else says. He wants me to be okay with the fact that he has a stress free life because that the life he wanted. He wants me to understand that he doesn’t have to work hard like we do. He wants me to understand and let him live a life where he can work those little hours and live a stress free life and stay up late at night to play video games and just keep going. Whereas for me I want him to do more things in life, to use those free time to find more opportunities but it doesn’t happen. But at least understand how difficult it is for me to live this 9-5 life style job and I can’t just quit cause im stressed out and tired of it. I am not a quitter I just am lost and exhausted of  not being happy and not having people around me anymore. 

Maybe it really is me that is the problem. I am the common denominator. 

[babebabyboo-blog]

Tumblr Help

I have been wanting to start blogging again but I do not know much about it. If anyone has tips or tricks please let me know!

I can’t even figure out how to customize my main and yet I was planning to create a new one for other things. SMH

[babebabyboo-blog]

Closure

One of the most important things in life we need and when we do not get it, it just lingers. The feeling is tough. It’s been years and yet I still can’t let it go. But why?

Why is it so hard to let go of those who don’t even care about you? Let alone know you exist. Yet, it’s so hard to let go. Even though they just cut you off like  you were nothing.

But I understand its difficult, especially not knowing what you had done. But you just got to accept it. 

[babebabyboo-blog]

Am I the only one who feels like alone?

You go around living your life. Doing the same thing everyday. It gets boring, but its hard to make a change. Growing up, I have always wanted to know what it was like to have that friend who is always with you. The one friend that is supposed to be like a sister. The one that you just think that you will do everything together.

I never had an actual group of friends before I have always been the odd one out. I wanted it so badly. I wanted to know what t was like to have a group of girls who you can hang out and have fun. Go get drinks once in a while, go to clubs, go party, have those wine nights and sleep overs. I thought I had that. Then it all changed.

They weren't the ones. Real friends don't just leave because you moved. Real friends try to put effort even if they are busy. Real friends are there through everything. But what are real friends anyways.

[babebabyboo-blog]

League of Legends anyone?

Add me babebabyboo or my super duper smurf account lovealwayslinh

lets be friends <3

[imakethebeatgobooom]

[babebabyboo-blog]

“If you never failed, you never lived”

There are many people who are going to put you down, or make you second guess yourself. But it’s all up to you what you would want to do in the long run. You are the one who gets to choose where you want to go with your own life. Everyone falls and makes mistakes but it is all how you choose to interpret it.

https://youtu.be/hzBCI13rJmA

[babebabyboo-blog]

I’m no salesman or trying to sell anything in that matter.

BUT I just thought i should share this ebates thing. At first i thought it was stupid but I realized that so many people order things online and don’t take all the advantages of it.

Just by signing up you get something free and every purchase online if they are connected, which most things are you get a percentage back. 

Since I got ebates personally I have received almost $200 and that coming from someone who doesn’t shop much. 

http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=UO4D7TQML1XC49aRVd3DtQ%3D%3D&eeid=28187

[babebabyboo-blog]

1st day of the break up, technically 9 hours later in after the break up. 4 hours thinking straight about what the hell happen. Something so sudden, so fast, out of the blue. What the hell happen?

To think everything is okay, to think that we went to the casino, then to the movies and everything was good. Then suddenly, the bomb drops, my life exploded into tear and pain. What the hell happened? 

But sadly, its nothing new, its nothing old, it’s just played out. To trust someone, to love someone, to be left. Being told over and over again, that love is bad

[babebabyboo-blog]

Finally made a twitch account!

Follow me if you want, I just made one right now so I am still trying to figure out how to make it work. If you have any advice or tips feel free to message me (:

http://www.twitch.tv/babebabyboo

[babebabyboo-blog]

Jewelry

It’s not just about finding the most expensive thing, or getting the best one. I realized that I love my jewelry even if it isn’t the best thing out there because I love the stories behind it. I don’t care about having the best thing out there I care about the effort that was behind it.

Cross Necklace from my Older Sister

My necklace I got from my older sister was the first jewelry that I got. I remember it was from zales outlet in Palm Springs and I really wanted it because I wanted something that would remind me of my religion for my 16th birthday. 

Grandmothers Ring

Then I got my grandmother’s ring, it was the  most beautiful thing I have ever gotten, it was so unique and it kills me because it fell off my finger a couple years ago and I tried to look for it and it was gone forever. The sad part is, is that I will probably never have that ring again, but its the ring that I want in the future. Even though it doesn’t have an actual diamond the ring itself was magnificent. It was a band that was carved through design. I don’t know what it’s called and it kills me because I want to find one just like that again but every time I try to search for it I just end up in a dead end. It hurts me to say it, so next item..

The Ring from my Dad.

It was so cute because I really wanted a ring, I have no idea why but I really wanted one. I didn’t really look into it cause I knew it was too expensive and I probably wont get one but then a year later I remember after asking and coming home from vacation. We were all tired from the long drive and then my dad was going to be late for work and he was about to leave as he runs out. But then suddenly he comes back, I just assume he forgot something like he tends to do but instead he comes back calling for me. Then he gets on his knees and opens a little box, at the time I totally forgot about wanting a ring and I was confused what would be in a box, and then he opened it. He opened it and I looked inside and it was empty, I was so confused, I was like uhm okay? LOL but then I realized my dad opened the box upside down because the fact that he was in such a rush and there it was. My first legit diamond ring. My dad saved up over a year and even though I only mentioned it a bit he remembered and it was the cutest thing ever. The sad part was that a year or two later, the diamond fell out while we were on vacation as I was cleaning because there was no clasp on the diamond, and honestly after that I felt like there was a hole forever in my heart and my life. 

Necklace from my parents for my birthday

It was a cute heart necklace, at first I was confused cause I was like I wanted a bracelet or a necklace and not something new I wanted a hand me down. I wanted the hidden sentimental feelings in it but I love my necklace because my parents felt bad because they couldn’t get me the one I wanted cause their jewelry from before was locked in a bank and we had to go all the way to Sacramento for it after they tried to get it back after a year or two.

Blast from the Past Bracelet from my Parents

One of the most beautiful bracelets I have ever seen and I bet its like my grandmas ring because they are both unique and i bet its because its from Philippines. But anyways back to the point this bracelet took over 2 years since I asked for something sentimental and passed down. When I finally got it I was so happy to find out not only was it beautiful but the fact that my sister has a matching one and a semi matching one with my parents. I love this the most not because its probably the most expensive thing on me but the fact that there is meaning behind it and because it makes me feel more connected to my family than I have ever had.

The only thing left is earrings.

I was stupidly going to buy myself one because I was like I want it so badly. I been wanting one, one that I can wear forever and never have to take it off. But then I realized that what good is it if I buy it myself. Yeah I would have taken forever to find it and save up for it but for what? What is my story behind it except the fact that oh I am stupid brat that saved up and got it just because that is what I wanted. I guess that hopefully one day in the future I will have a reason behind it. a more special meaning than the fact that I just wanted one.

BUT ANYWAYS THE TOP UNIQUE ONES I FOUND :D 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/225808356/nautical-unique-14k-yellow-gold-014ctw?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=14k%20gold%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_16

https://www.etsy.com/listing/189669280/solid-gold-stud-earrings-14k-gold?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=gold%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_16

https://www.etsy.com/listing/176685995/white-moonstone-stud-earrings-14k-gold?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=14k%20gold%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_40

https://www.etsy.com/listing/225655286/14k-yellow-gold-diamond-3d-double-heart?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=14k%20gold%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_6

https://www.etsy.com/listing/235920565/gold-earrings-white-zircon-earrings?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=14k%20gold%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_23

https://www.etsy.com/listing/183902829/gold-ear-pin-gold-earring-pin-leaf-ear?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=14k%20gold%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_37

https://www.etsy.com/listing/172135182/gold-leaf-earring-gold-ear-cuff-diamond?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=14k%20gold%20earrings&ref=sr_gallery_41

[kushandwizdom]

If someone doesn’t value you, they deserve to lose you. it’s that simple.

Reyna Biddy (via kushandwizdom)

[alecsarchive]

watching the Proud Family’s Kwanzaa episode and man were they on some  cultural awareness shit.

first they celebrated Kwanzaa, a holiday Disney hadn’t covered yet.

then they talked about homelessness

then they had vegan characters who took the time to explain what that meant

all in a show already progressive for it’s time.

man disney needs to crank out shit like this nowadays.

[reginaeinferos]

They also had an episode on Islam and Ramadan!

Penny wore the hijab and everything and they even mentioned how the hijab is a choice!

At the end of the episode the Muslim family’s house is vandalized. You spend an entire episode loving these characters and then see their home ruined with ‘go back to where you came from’ scrawled over their garage. A very powerful episode.

[thezodiacvibes]

[hanichul-archive]

10 WORST Ways to Come out

[armpitsweatstain-deactivated201]

eyebrow game strong? more like eyeBAG game strong. i’m fucking exhausted. haha lol

[lemondais]

I don’t get tired of you the way I get tired of other people.

Unknown. (via 25184)