Summary // In which two people, who once accidentally, bound themselves together despite not being true soulmates.
Genre : non-idol soulmate au
Pairing : SVT Woozi x female reader
Warnings : Fluff, small angst(argumements), introvert x introvert troop, wrong person right timing, strangers to lovers, lmk if i missed out any
W/C : 5 020
Rating : [ 13+ SFW ]
Now playing : I Don't Understand But I Love You - SEVENTEEN
Note //
If you see itallics, they are flashbacks.
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"Lee Jihyun, please just-"
You donât even finish your sentence. Whatâs the point? Your son is already zooming past the living room for the umpteenth time, socked feet squeaking against the hardwood floor, arms stretched like airplane wings, yelling something about saving the universe.
You stand in the same exact spot, unmoving, your eyes trailing his endless loops like a spectator at a tennis match. Each breath you release comes with a sigh, and there have been so many, youâve lost count.
Itâs already 8 p.m. Bedtime, supposedly. The word "night" seems to apply to every child except yours.
You just want him to tire out. One fall to the floor, one yawn, one blink-too-longâanything, but Jihyun is all fire and no smoke, burning endlessly.
Youâre tired, not the kind that sleep can fix, but the kind that settles deep in your bones. Jihoon is still out working, pulling extra hours so the three of you can live comfortably. That leaves just you and the hyperactive tornado that refuses to stop spinning. The only person in this household who doesnât have a care in the world is, ironically, the smallest one.
God, how you want to scream into a pillow or take a solo vacation, but you remind yourself: heâs just a child, a very loud, very fast child. So instead, you close your eyes for a second and call his name again, this time with a bit more desperation, a bit less hope.
"Lee Jihyun, please."
"But mummy! Iâm still being a spaceship!"
Your eye twitches.
You mentally beg the universe for a miracleâa tripwire, a power outage, a spontaneous nap. You glance toward the kitchen, thinking longingly about that untouched bottle of wine sitting beside a half-open bag of chips. You could be sipping it in silence right now. Sweet, sweet silence.
Before he was born, you and Jihoon imagined a quiet kid. After all, you were both introvertsâbookworms, homebodies, people who could go days without speaking and not feel the slightest awkwardness. But fate had other plans. It skipped your genes and handed Jihyun a double dose of grandparent extroversion instead.
He has Jihoonâs everything, your stubbornness, and your momâs party-animal energy.
Once upon a time, you both dreamt of having two kids. That dream was quietly folded and packed away after Jihyun turned three and started climbing the bookshelf "for fun."
And pets? Ha, that was another pre-child fantasy. A cat, maybe. A dog, if Jihoon got his way. Even birds were on the list once. But now? Youâve got Jihyun. And really, thatâs more than enough. He meows, barks, sings, and chirpsâall in one body. A full-time zoo with one very small, very loud resident.
You sigh again and sink onto the couch, watching your son spin in circles.
At this point, you actually wish Jihoon would come home right now, save you from spiraling into full-blown insanity. And perhaps your soulmate senses really do exist, because just as the thought passes your mind, you hear the familiar hum of a car pulling up by the house. The engine shuts off, a car door clicks closed, and the faint jiggling of keys follows.
Your lips immediately curve upward. Itâs almost like energy surges back into your body, as if Jihoonâs arrival recharges you more than sleep ever could.
"Jihyun-ah, your daddyâs home," you say, your voice soft but finally laced with some relief.
Like a switch flipped, the front door swings open, and just like that, Jihyun shrieks with excitement, "DADDY!!" and bolts toward his father.
You trail behind, much slower, watching as Jihoon, clearly exhausted from work, drops everything and catches his son in a hug, lifting him with practiced ease. Despite the fatigue on his face, he smiles at you, and leans in to press a tired kiss against your temple.
"Welcome home," you whisper, like your prince has finally returned from war, saving you from a battlefield made of toys, noise, and spilled juice.
You glance at Jihyun, eyebrows furrowed. "Now that Daddyâs home, itâs bedtime, young man."
"But I want to hear a bedtime story!" Jihyun pouts immediately.
You let out a sigh, so soft itâs nearly a whimper. "Please help..." you mutter under your breath.
Jihoon hears it and laughs gently before turning to Jihyun. "Lee Jihyun, go get ready for bed. Weâll read you a bedtime story only if youâre already tucked in."
"Okay!!" your son yells, wriggling out of Jihoonâs arms and racing to his bedroom.
You exhale, stepping closer to Jihoon and wrapping your arms around him, breathing in the familiar scent of home and love all wrapped into one man.
"Gosh, I missed you so much," you murmur.
Jihoon chuckles and plants a kiss on your neck. "Was he giving you a hard time?"
"More like... he drained all my remaining life force."
He laughs again, and his fingers absentmindedly draw circles on your waist. "Youâre beautiful."
You giggle, nuzzling into his neck. "You say that every day."
"Gotta make sure your princess ego stays high."
You click your tongue in amusement. "You do know we canât see colors, right? Donât lie to me when you literally canât see me in colors."
He grins. "Beauty doesnât need color. I still remember what you looked like before everything turned grayscale. And Iâm telling you, youâre just as beautiful now as you were then."
You blink, heart fluttering slightly. "âŠWell, if thatâs the case, then youâre handsome too."
"Mummy! Daddy!" Jihyun shouts from his room, the magic moment cut shortâas always.
You sigh heavily. "We seriously need alone time."
Jihoon grins. "Want me to drop him off at your parentsâ house tomorrow?"
"Please. Anytime. As long as itâs soon."
He laughs, presses a soft kiss to your nose, and gently lets go of you. Together, you walk to Jihyunâs room.
When you arrive, heâs already tucked under the covers, his eyes sparkling like he hasnât spent the last hour running around like a tornado. The moment you both sit beside him, one on each side, he immediately perks up.
"What story do you want to hear tonight?" Jihoon asks.
"Anything!" Jihyun beams.
You pause for a moment, a smile tugging at your lips as a random memory flits into your mind. "Alright. How about this..."
"Once upon a time, before you were born, there was a lady who just graduated, rushing her way to-"
"Wait, wait! What is a graduate?" Jihyun interrupts.
You giggle. "It means when you finish school."
"Oh! Okay, continue mummy!"
"Mum, wait- hold on! Whereâs my blazer?"
You nearly trip over your long, formal black pants, feet dragging across the hallway like youâre in a half-conscious fashion show. Your hair is a disaster, sticking out in ways gravity canât explain. Your mum, ever calm in the chaos, walks over and throws the black blazer straight at your face.
"Y/N, youâve got to prepare everything the night before," she scolds, casual as ever.
You donât even argue, not when you're still trying to figure out which limb goes where in your clothes. The first-day-of-work panic is a very specific kind of chaos, and unfortunately, itâs one youâre living through right now. You overslept thanks to your loving, but utterly useless, alarm clock. Your savior ended up being your mum, knocking on your door with the force of destiny.
You shove a piece of bread in your mouth, toss your bag over your shoulder, and yell a muffled, "Iâm going!" before slamming the door behind you. The bicycle ride is nothing short of dramatic. Hair flying, blazer flapping, heart pounding louder than the traffic around you.
By the time you reach the office building, your legs are jelly. You park your bicycle, lock it in record time, and dash inside the air-conditioned lobby. The sudden drop in temperature doesnât even faze you. You jab the elevator button, willing it to move faster.
When the elevator finally dings open, you practically fly out. You swipe your card at the glass door-
"Oh, you arrived⊠on time!"
Your high school friend greets you with mock astonishment. You stagger in and finally let out the breath youâve been holding since you left home. Dragging your chair back, you collapse into it like a tragic protagonist.
"Iâm⊠dyingâŠ" you manage between gasps.
She laughs but doesnât look away from her screen. "Exaggerate much?"
"Maybe," you wheeze dramatically, "but let me have this moment."
"Yeah, yeah. Wrap it up fast. Weâve got a mountain of stuff to finish today."
You straighten up and turn on your computer. "We just started! Itâs literally our first day, since when do we get buried in work like seasoned employees?"
"Apparently, the newbie celebration is postponed," she replies dryly, clicking away.
You glance around. Everyone else looks busy. Tired. Professional. You sigh and crack your knuckles with a small grimace. "Well, guess itâs time to earn our salaries."
The hours blur. Time becomes a mix of typing, replying, writing, fixing, until eventually, day melts into night. The bright blue skies outside shift into a deeper hue, fading into evening.
You stretch your back and sigh in relief, looking down at your watch.
The countdown⊠itâs almost done.
Your lips curve into a slow smile. Your friend side-eyes you suspiciously as you start packing your things faster than lightning.
"Whatâs with the rush?" she asks.
You flash your watch in front of her. "Soulmate incoming."
Her eyebrows lift. "Oh? Itâs today?"
You nod, cheeks warm. "I already informed the company about the date and time. Itâs all logged in, approved and everything."
"Wow. Youâre actually glowing right now."
"I feel like glowing!" you laugh, patting her shoulder. "Wish me luck. See you tomorrow!"
With that, you head out of the building, practically skipping. You unlock your bicycle and start pedaling down the familiar streets, humming a little melody under your breath. There's a gentle breeze tonight. Cool, comforting, and filled with possibility.
Every turn of your pedals brings you closer. Closer to someone whoâs destined for you. Someone you havenât met yet, but somehow already feels like home.
Your fingers graze your watch again.
Tonight⊠you meet your soulmate.
You slow your pace as you near the pedestrian crossing, feet tapping the ground lightly as you balance your bicycle. The red man flashes stubbornly on the signal post, holding back your excitement for just a little longer.
Your eyes flick to your watch. The timer still ticking down, your heartbeat syncing with it. You can already feel your chest tightening in anticipation. The moment is near.
Finally, the light changes. The green man appears.
You start pedaling again, pushing forward with renewed energy. The air feels different now, cooler, quieter, like the whole world is gently holding its breath.
Your neighborhood draws near, and so does the small garden you pass by every day. Just as you're about to ride past it like usual, something makes you stop. A pull, a feeling, a whisper in your chest telling you: Here.
You hit the brakes, the tires skidding softly against the road. You slowly get off your bicycle, wheeling it with you as you step into the garden. It's quiet, the soft rustling of leaves is the only sound, save for the distant hum of cars.
You make your way toward the center, your breath starting to quicken. Thereâs no one here yet, but your watch tells you otherwise.
Five seconds.
You stop, stand still, smile growing wider.
Three seconds.
You turn toward the side road, eyes watching and waiting.
Two.
Someone walks past the path just behind the bushes, just in view.
One.
Your watch flashes.
Zero.
You gasp softly and, without thinking twice, let go of your bicycle. It crashes softly onto the grass as you run forward, heart thundering. Without hesitation, you reach out, grab the strangerâs hand. You gasp the moment your fingers wrap around the strangerâs hand.
At once, the world around you hesitates, not freezing, but slowing, like a breath being held.
Then, it starts.
Color. Fading. Not all at once, but gradually. The rich green of the trees dulls into muted olive. The sky, once tinged with the warm blush of sunset, begins to desaturate into a washed-out grey-blue.
Your heart plummets.
No- no, no, no.
You yank your hand away like itâs burning you, your breath hitching. You glance down at your wrist-
Your watch is gone. But before panic can fully settle, your eyes land on the man still standing in front of you, his gaze equally alarmed, wrist now bare as well.
His eyes are scanning the space just past you. And instinctively, you turn. Behind him⊠someone stands frozen mid-step. A man, dressed formally. Wide-eyed.
Your eyes lock. And in that moment, you know. Itâs him. The real one. The person your heart was supposed to find. But itâs too late.
Because as you stare at the first man, the one whose hand you accidentally took, you watch his pupils dilate slightly as his gaze flicks to the sky. His lips part in shock.
"Where⊠where did the colors go?"
You can feel it too, the dulling of the world, like someone is slowly turning down the saturation dial on your life. And then you hear movement.
The real one, your soulmate, lowers his gaze to his wrist. His watch is still there, but flickering faintly. Then, in one last silent blink of light. It, too, disappears.
Your heart clenches. You look at him. He looks at you. And for a second, time holds the space between you like glass.
You whisper, "I touched the wrong personâŠ"
The wrong man looks at you, startled, but your eyes donât leave the one behind him.
Your real soulmate doesnât say a word. And now, the consequence settles: your colors are fading⊠together.
You and the wrong person.
The universe had made its rule clear. And it does not undo mistakes.
"Iâm- Iâm so sorry," you mutter, bowing slightly toward the man you just touched. He looks confused at first, then his expression shifts as he glances down at his wrist, where his own watch has vanished. Realization dawns on him too. His eyes lose the warmth of colour, turning hollow with monochrome.
You want to cry. Because you knew it. The moment your hand brushed his, it didnât feel like home. It didnât feel like the moment everyone talks about. But you were desperate. The timer was at zero, and you reached without thinking.
You forced fate.
"Iâm sorry," you whisper again, softer this time, more to yourself than to him, as your gaze slowly lifts to the path where the real one had been.
He walked away. The person who walked just behind⊠the one your instincts were really tugging you toward. The one whose presence made your smile widen.
Your knees weaken slightly as you grip your bicycleâs handle for support, biting your lip to stop the sting in your chest from showing on your face. You glance around, but the street is quiet again. No footsteps, no second chance.
You touched the wrong person. And now⊠your world is grey.
The stranger doesnât say anything at first. He stands there, unmoving, as if processing the sudden loss of colour in his world. You keep apologizing, voice barely holding together. "Iâm sorry⊠Iâm really sorryâŠ"
And maybe, deep down, you expect him to walk away. To leave you here with your mistake. But instead, he lets out a long, quiet sigh, and squats down beside you.
You glance at him through blurry eyes, stunned.
He avoids your gaze. His expression is unreadable, tense even, but heâs here.
Heâs mad, of course he is. You can feel it in the silence that hangs between you. After all, your touch didnât just cost you your colours, it cost him his too. You took away his chance to find his real soulmate. His timer, now useless. His fate, rewritten because of your excitement and your mistake.
But whatâs done is done and he knows that. Thereâs no turning back now. So instead of scolding you, or walking away, he stays. And maybe thatâs the most forgiving thing he can offer right now.
You sniffle and wipe your face, whispering again, "I really didnât mean to-"
He glances at you, then slowly, almost reluctantly, raises his hand and places it gently on your head. A soft pat. Awkward and hesitant, but comforting in its own strange way.
"Iâm not forgiving you yet," he murmurs, gaze still fixed forward. "ButâŠ"
A pause.
"âŠweâre stuck with each other now."
He finally looks at you, something fragile and resigned behind his eyes.
"So letâs work hard for our future then."
His voice is quiet, but it reaches you, and itâs enough to keep your tears from falling. You nod slowly, heart heavy, but grateful. Then he reaches out his hand for a truce.
"My name is Lee Jihoon. You?"
"Y/F/N," you say, sniffing as you take his hand.
Itâs a strange moment, shaking hands with someone who was never meant to be yours, yet fate somehow chained you together. Numbers are exchanged, and as both of you part ways that day, there's an unspoken agreement: to try.
At first, the following weeks are bearable. You and Jihoon try to build something out of this mistake. You start with simple things: morning texts, shared playlists, lunch meetups. There's an effort, even if itâs awkward. You try to match his pace; he tries to understand your silence.
But it doesnât take long for the cracks to show.
You canât stand how Jihoon shuts down mid-conversation when things get tough. He hates how you retreat when overwhelmed instead of speaking up. You forget to respond to messages; he forgets important dates. It builds, slowly, like pressure in a pipe.
Then the first fight happens.
Itâs loud, bitter, and filled with everything youâve been holding back. The argument leaves both of you storming off in different directions, and it bleeds into the following days.
You vent to your friends, words tumbling out in frustration: "Heâs so difficult. Iâm trying, but heâs not giving anything back."
Unbeknownst to you, Jihoon does the same to his family. "We donât even fit. She talks like weâre stuck. Maybe because we are."
But your friends arenât as sympathetic as you expected.
"You touched him first," one says carefully. "You took his color away, Y/N. You caused this. You need to face it."
That stings, because itâs true. You sit with the guilt, let it weigh down your pride. Then, one evening, you knock on Jihoonâs door. He opens it with guarded eyes, arms crossed, but doesnât shut the door.
"Iâm sorry," you whisper. "Not just for the fight. For... everything."
Thereâs a pause, then a sigh.
Jihoon steps aside to let you in, and after a beat of silence, he murmurs, "Itâs okay. I forgive you."
Neither of you says it, but you both know this road wonât ever be easy. Still, for now... you try again.
One year went by, and after weeks of hesitation and overthinking, both you and Jihoon decided to stay together under the same roof. It felt surreal at firstâcozy, a little unfamiliar, but hopeful. Yet, the reality of living together wasnât as simple as aligning your wardrobes or deciding whose turn it was to do the dishes.
Arguments started, and not just small ones. Staying together meant seeing everything: his quirks, his habits, his cold silences when he was angry, the way he always left the sponge soaking in the sink. And for him, he saw how easily you cried when things piled up, how your moods could swing without warning, how sometimes your words hurt even when you didnât mean them to.
There were nights when one of you would sleep on the couch. There were times when neither of you spoke until the next day. But the arguments were quickly dismissed and recovered from, not because you were magically in sync, but because you both genuinely tried. You both put in the effort to make this wrong soulmate relationship work.
When the wedding preparations came, it was nearly a disaster. Decisions clashedâtheme, venue, guest list, vows. It all spiraled until both your parents had to sit you down separately, reminding you of the promise both of you made, and the choice you were now growing into.
And so, the wedding was held successfully. It wasnât a fairytale wedding. It was something better and real.
Yes, you love Jihoon. And Jihoon, in his own ways, loves you too. But some parts of him still irritated you, just as some parts of you rubbed him the wrong way. It was the side effect of touching the wrong soulmate. The faint sense that something was always... just slightly off. But by now, youâve both learned how to live with it.
It took a long time to agree to have a child. You were afraid that the constant arguments might come back, especially with the added weight of hormones, fatigue, and stress. But Jihoon listened, held your hand, and agreed to wait until you were truly ready.
Eventually, you both welcomed Lee Jihyun into the world.
That nine months of pregnancy were no walk in the park. You were emotional, unpredictable, and sometimes irrational. There were nights you wanted to pick a fight over something as small as him breathing too loudly. But Jihoon, he always apologized first, always lowered his pride.
And after Jihyun was born, as the cries of a newborn filled your once-quiet home, you slowly started repaying Jihoon in your own quiet ways. You didnât say "Iâm sorry" out loud, but it showed in the way you ran your fingers through his hair when he was tired, in the way you cooked his favorite dishes without him asking, in how you tucked a handwritten note into his coat pocket when he left for work.
You werenât the right soulmates, but maybe, just maybe, you were building something just as meaningful.
You blink, pulled out of the story as your son turns to face you beneath the covers, his small voice fragile in the stillness of the room.
"So... is this why I canât see colours as well?"
The question strikes deeper than any blade. You freeze, your lips part slightly, but no sound escapes.
Guilt swells in your chest like a rising tide. Of course he noticed. Of course heâs always wondered. He was born from two people who were meant to see coloursâvivid, vibrant, living colours. But instead... his world has always been dull, muted, like a painting washed too many times.
And itâs your fault.
Your fingers clutch at the edge of his blanket, knuckles turning white. You open your mouth to explain, but nothing comes out, just silence.
Before you can gather the words, Jihoonâs voice gently cuts through the room.
"Itâs not your momâs fault," he says quietly from the doorway, arms folded, but his tone soft. "Sometimes... mistakes happen. And theyâre not always fair."
You glance up at him. Heâs looking at your son, but he spares you a fleeting glance, one that doesnât accuse. One that still, somehow, holds a trace of warmth.
"Your mom didnât mean to choose wrong. And I shouldâve reached out before it was too late." He smiles sadly. "We both messed up. But even so, we got you."
Your son stares at both of you, blinking. "But... I donât get it. If you two are soulmates, why did I lose the colours?"
You inhale sharply.
Jihoonâs hand rests over your sonâs. "Because by the time we found our way back to each other... the damage was already done."
You turn your gaze away, eyes stinging. You donât know what hurts more. The fact that your mistake cost your son something precious, or the fact that Jihoon still spares you from blame, even now.
Your son quickly shrugs off the weight of the question, announcing with a small yawn, "Iâll go to sleep now." Maybe he saw how tense you and Jihoon had become, or maybe he already knew the answer deep down.
"Goodnight," you both say in near unison, standing by the door as he nestles under the covers. Jihoon gently closes the door after one last glance at Jihyun.
A quiet sigh leaves your lips. Jihoonâs hand rests lightly on your back, rubbing small circles as he guides you down the hallway toward the dining room. The house is dim, warm with leftover candlelight from dinner.
He pours you a glass of wine first, setting it gently before you before pouring his own. You take a seat, grab a piece of the leftover chips from the bowl, and toss it into your mouth.
The silence isnât uncomfortable, but itâs loaded, like the weight of the bedtime story still lingers between you both. He sits across from you, quietly observing, waiting. The wine glass sits untouched in his hand, his eyes focused only on you.
"You did well," he says after a pause. "With the story, I mean."
You nod, chewing slower, thinking about your sonâs question again, and the truth behind it.
You take a small sip of the wine, feeling the warmth trickle down your chest. Jihoon watches you for a beat longer before rising from his seat. He rounds the table and pulls the chair beside you, sitting close enough that his thigh brushes yours under the table.
Your gaze stays on the dim candle flickering in the center of the table. "He shouldnât have to suffer for our mistakes," you murmur, voice fragile.
Jihoon doesn't answer right away. Instead, he reaches over and gently takes your hand, his thumb brushing the back of it slowly. "Itâs not suffering," he says quietly. "Heâs growing up with love. That matters more than the colours."
You look at him, finally. His eyes, though colourless to you, are kind, reassuring, familiar in the way only Jihoon could be. And when he offers a small smile, the kind that tugs a little crookedly at one corner of his mouth, you almost forget the guilt.
"You always say the right things," you whisper.
He scoffs, leaning forward to press a kiss to your temple. "I donât. But for you, I try."
Your eyes flutter closed at the warmth of his lips. Then, turning slightly, you rest your head on his shoulder. "Iâm tired," you admit.
"I know."
You stay like that for a while. Just the two of you in the quiet night, wrapped in the kind of silence only people whoâve known each other deeply can share. His hand never leaves yours. And even if you canât see colour anymore, in this moment, it feels like you donât need to. Not when he's beside you.
The night hums softly outside the windows, cicadas singing somewhere far off, but inside, everything feels still, and peaceful. Your body leans into Jihoonâs side, and you feel him shift slightly, only to loop his arm around yours.
His fingers trace idle, slow circles over your forearm, no pressure, just presence. Itâs a silent kind of love. The kind that doesnât need to be spoken out loud to be heard. You don't look at him, and he doesnât ask you to. You donât have to, he knows.
You sigh quietly, the weight on your chest lightening just a little more. "Thanks for⊠staying."
His voice comes low, right beside your ear. "Iâm not going anywhere."
You let your head fall more comfortably against him, your shoulders sinking as the tension begins to ease. Jihoon doesnât fill the silence with empty words or solutions. He just exists there with you. His hand still drawing circles on your arm, his body warm beside yours, his breathing steady, like a quiet promise that even if the world spun off-course, heâd still be here.
"I donât say it enough," you murmur after a while, voice barely above a whisper. "But Iâm really glad itâs you."
He doesnât say anything right away. Just presses a small kiss to the top of your head, lingering. Then he murmurs, "Even if Iâm not the one you were meant to meet first?"
You close your eyes. "Youâre the one I chose."
His fingers pause for a second, then resume their soft movement, steadier now, like your words grounded him. His other hand gently squeezes yours. You stay like that, not as perfect people or soulmates with clear colours, but as two people whoâve built something with their hands, their time, and their hearts.
Eventually, the wine glasses sit half-empty on the table, the chips forgotten between gentle conversation and silent understanding. You and Jihoon both rise, wordlessly in sync, heading to the bathroom to wash up. The night winds down quietly, like a song youâve both heard a hundred times but still hum along to.
By the time you reach the master bedroom, the lights are dimmed low, the soft rustle of the sheets greeting you as you both slip beneath the blankets. Jihoonâs arm finds its way around you naturally, his fingers resting just above your hip, his warmth seeping into your skin.
"You okay?" he whispers, voice muffled slightly against your hair.
You nod, settling closer. "Better now."
And so begins a sweet, lingering conversation, one without timelines or obligations. Just stories, dreams, old memories that make you laugh and pause, and quiet questions like "What do you think weâll be like in ten years?" answered with sleepy optimism.
Your legs tangle under the covers, his thumb lazily brushing along your arm as you talk about everything and nothing at all. Time slips by unnoticed, and the night stretches on like a comforting cocoonâsoft, warm, safe.
Eventually, your voices fade to murmurs, then to hums, then, nothing but the sound of two hearts resting easy in each otherâs company.
Wrapped in Jihoonâs arms, your head tucked against his chest, you drift off. And for the first time in a long while, you feel like everything is, finally, just right.
đČ RAISING US ⶠJeon Wonwoo | PART SEVEN â 002
SYNOPSIS. On the night of your eighteenth birthday, you and Wonwoo made a pact to lose your virginities together. Ten years later you're co-parenting your unexpected child while figuring out where you stand with each other.
PARING. Wonwoo x F!Reader
GENRE | TAGS. Smau, series, non idol!au, best friends (idiots) to lovers, unexpected pregnancy, slow burn, angst, pinning, fluff, humor/comedy.
WARNINGS. Mentions of a motorcycle accident (non-graphic), hospitals / injury (non-graphic), panic, fear, light profanity (?), swearing, emotional vulnerability, brief joking about death.
A/N. IT'S LATE BUT IT'S HERE!! And yes, you guessed it, but not in the way you thought⊠but anyway, I hope you guys like it... or not!!
STATUS. On-going.
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Every ask & comment gives me life đ If youâre enjoying it, donât forget to reblog, helps so much and gets the fic out there!!
â warnings: heavy plot + elements (depression, anxiety, abandonment), pregnancy, foul language
â synopsis: Soonyoung had never wanted to live a restrained capitalistic life, forced to work a tiresome 9 to 5, paying taxes until the day he dies. Though in exchange to pursue the other option, that being devotion to a career, he had to pay an unfathomably large priceâhe had to abandon everything and everyone he's ever loved. can he fit himself back into his former life? one that's changed more than he can possibly imagine? could the ones he loved forgive him for his wrongdoings? could he get the second chance he wants so desperately?
â (a/n): im back w my bs uwu. one of my biggest fics, named after Frank Sinatra's "Let Me Try Again". pls give it a read and enjoy! đđâ€ïž
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Soonyoung breathed a sigh of relief upon stepping off the plane. Though he was still trapped in the crowd of other passengers, scrambling to meet with their respective families and collect their baggage, he had never felt so free.
College was an experience, to say the least. He had his fair share of fun, partying and meeting new friends. Sometimes those parties went awry, with either cops showing up to dismantle the chaotic atmosphere or Soonyoung drinking more than he could handle. He also experienced those painful nights of cramming, staying up until the crack of dawn, eyes near bloodshot, faint lines of text imprinted in his vision for the next few minutes as he turned away from his textbooks.
Many times, he was sure he'd fail, ruin his life forever. The life he had worked tirelessly to prepare for. The life he traded everything for, leaving behind his family, his friends. The girl he had sworn he'd marry one day.
Yet here he was, Master's degree now printed on his resume in a single additional line. A new and accomplished man, ready to take on the world.
And it seemed his efforts were already coming to use as he left his university. He had already gotten a fairly reasonable job offer; a software engineer in the tech department of SVT Corporations. It was a major industry, a rare job offer he'll probably never see again in his lifetime. It had to be pure luck. That he was in the right place at the right time. A surreal experience, that he was able to land such a fantastic start to his career.
Though before accepting, he decided to return to his roots one last time. A final goodbye to his past. The foundation which supported him up to this point. His childhood home.Â
Being away for so long was quite the challenge for Soonyoung. He had always been a family man, someone who always put his loved ones before himself. Though as he grew older, his priorities admittedly shifted. Yet there still remained that tug in his heart, swaying him back to his loved ones, reminding him that though he wished to give himself the stable life he had always craved, he could never truly sacrifice everything for himself.
So to have to pack up and move across the country for years was truly a harrowing feat, though one he nevertheless conquered.
It was difficult, a trial he never really prepared himself for because he never believed he'd have to endure it. That dull ache in his heart that first time he video called his mother. Watching her face appear on his screen, grainy from the lousy connection, though still there. Still his loving mother. She cried for him, proud he was doing this for himself. Happy that her son was going to have a future as an engineer. What more could a mother want but the joy of her children?
He remained where he was for all those years. Never once flying back home. Because he feared that the moment he stepped foot in his town, he'd stay. The memories of his past calling out to him. The treehouse his friends and him always frequented. The bowling alley Seokmin and him would spend hours in avoiding schoolwork. The park he confessed his love to his crush.Â
Yet as he stepped off the terminal, breathing in the air of his hometown for the first time in six years, he felt his worries were for naught.
He had heard his family before he had seen them, sister all but colliding into him the moment she spotted him. Tears brimmed his eyes as he held her for the first time in years, surprised at how grown she had become. Afterwards came his mother who had already been crying long before she had seen him, and then his father who also looked equally misty eyed.
For the first time in a long while, Soonyoung felt somewhat complete.Â
His first day back had been spent with his family. Catching up with them, sharing his stories from college, hearing some of the family drama he missed out on.
At the dinner table, as they continued to converse with one another, his father had asked what his plans were.
He told him that he had been given a job offer that he was supposed to answer by the end of the month.
The news definitely dampened the mood, as he basically admitted right then and there that they would only have Soonyoung for four weeks before he was to leave them once more. Nevertheless, they chose to cherish the little time they had with Soonyoung, refusing to dwell upon the inevitable and instead thrive in the happiness he granted them with his presence.
The next day, he was already calling his friends again, digging through his old contacts and hoping none of them had changed their numbers. Though more specifically, he hoped Seokmin hadn't changed his number.Â
He pressed the contact, smiling fondly at the silly display before him. An old picture of the boy from when they went to the pool, the dual ensemble of a swimming cap paired with a tiny set of black goggles. It was dumb, yet ever nostalgic, and still brought joy to Soonyoung as he finally dialed the number, pressing his phone to his ear.Â
Upon the first ring, Soonyoung felt himself gulp, nearly choking on the descent down his throat. His thoughts began hitting him all at once.Â
What if Seokmin didn't want Soonyoung anymore? He did just leave with no other words after getting on that plane. What if Seokmin hated him?
Second ring.
Why didn't Soonyoung just talk to his friends? He knew he was busy, but he shouldn't have been too busy for his childhood friends? Why couldn't he just keep in contact at the least? A simple greeting every so often wouldn't have hurt him.Â
Third ring.Â
Soonyoung felt his face redden with anxiety, his heart rate picking up. Worries of whether he truly did lose his lifelong friend riddled his mind. His fingers clutched at his jeans, gulping again as his nerves burned within him.Â
"Hello?" A voice chimed through his phone, the familiar voice of his best friend wading into his ear, easing Soonyoung's frantic worries as a grin stretched on his face.
"Hello," Soonyoung responded, biting his lip as silence filled the other line. Just from assumptions alone, Seokmin must've pulled his phone away, getting a gander at the contact that called him, because a distant gasp sounded out before the voice was once more right at the mic.Â
"Soonyoung!" He hollered, nearly bursting his eardrum as he laughed at his friend's reaction. "Holy shit, dude, what's up! It's been literal ages! How've you been?"Â
"I'm good, I'm good," Soonyoung answered, looking down at his lap. "I just graduated."
"Oh, I'm talking to an educated man, I see," Seokmin noted, bringing a chuckle to Soonyoung. "Well, Sir Academia, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"Â
"Well, I'm home." It was quiet for a moment, so quiet that Soonyoung believed his friend may have hung up, but then he chimed in moments later.Â
"Wait, home home? Like, here home?"Â
"I'm at my parents house right nowâ"
"Oh my God! Stay there! I'll be there in ten minutes, okay!" The man suddenly hung up, causing Soonyoung to break out into more laughs at his friend's manic behavior.
At least he hadn't lost him. It felt like a light weight was lifted from his shoulders. That his bond with Seokmin was strong enough to persevere through these years. He still regretted cutting off everyone, though was still incredibly relieved at such a development.
The moment Seokmin pulled up, he was practically dragging Soonyoung away, shoving him into his car after a dramatic hug, and driving off.Â
"I'm taking you to everyone," Seokmin explained as they made their way through the town.
Soonyoung smiled at the sights they passed. Nothing had changed. As if he hadn't ever left. As if the town was frozen in time, waiting for his return to thaw back to the present. It was comforting, a constant in his life he could rely on.Â
The first person they went to was Seungcheol, working at his mother's real estate agency. They had waited for him to look up from his desk, and when he met their eyes, his facade of professionalism evaporated, the suited man leaping to his feet and practically hopping over his desk to embrace Soonyoung. The others in the office looked to them with terror at the display, but that didn't stop Seungcheol from lifting his long lost friend in the air, hugging him nearly to death with a bright smile on his face.Â
Their next stop was Jeonghan and Joshua's apartment, the two of them having off from their jobs for the day. Seokmin had knocked on their door, to which neither of them answered. Insisting that he knew they were in there, Seokmin continued to knock until a disgruntled Jeonghan finally whipped open the door, about to tell off the supposed loiterers at his door until he saw Soonyoung. The fanfare continued as Joshua came out, coming to investigate what all the ruckus was about, though inevitably joining alongside his roommate with welcoming Soonyoung back.Â
This continued for the rest of the day practically, Seokmin dragging Soonyoung to every corner of the city, reuniting with his old friend group. Mingyu had regrettably grown even taller since they last spoke, Vernon's fashion sense had mellowed over the years, and Chan looked so grown, the sight of the young man almost bringing tears to Soonyoung's eyes.
"You really didn't have to do this for me, Seokmin. I was planning on just calling everyone eventually and planning meetups," Soonyoung explained as Seokmin drove them back from Chan's place. The sun was setting, the sky an orange pink hue as the day was nearing its end; a day well spent in Soonyoung's book.Â
"No worries at all!" Seokmin assured, waving his hand in the air before returning it to the steering wheel. "It gives me time to hang out with my best friend who abandoned me all these years." Soonyoung rolled his eyes and sighed as Seokmin laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I knew you were busy. You got your Master's pretty early, too."
"I did, I did." Soonyoung sighed. Rather than it being necessarily early, it was mainly right on time. Though it cost him so much to stay on this schedule. "It was difficult, especially being away from everyone." He paused, smiling as he thought back on the day. At the faces of his friends he hasn't seen in so long. He hadn't realized how much he missed them until he was there in front of them. Hearing them speak for the first time in years, seeing how they changed while he was away, seeing them become settled in their lives, finding that happiness everyone sought for. "I should've at least texted you."
"What'd I say?" Seokmin parked his car, turning his head to face Soonyoung. "No. Worries." He poked his finger into Soonyoung's side with each word. "We all understood, you were chasing your dreams. We wouldn't want anything different. And knowing you, you were bound to come back." Seokmin patted his friend on the shoulder.
"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled softly at the comforting words directed to him.
He had been so worried everyone would have been upset he just left them and never spoke again, but after today, he knew everyone missed him just as much as he missed them.Â
Though through all the joy in him, past the relief he felt upon meeting his friends once more, one thought plagued his mind.Â
"Hey," he began warily, attracting Seokmin's attention, "How's (y/n)?"
Seokmin grinned at the name, though not as ecstatic as his usual wide smile. More so one of familiarity, comfort, fondness.
"She's great, we just hung out last week. Her, Seungkwan, and I.'' Seokmin said, bringing a smile to Soonyoung's face. He was glad to hear that. That they all remained friends after he left. After he broke her heart, and left her behind. Before he could speak though, Seokmin continued, his words all but halting Soonyoung's every thought. "It's really hard to plan things with her since she has to adjust her schedule to fit both us and her kid, but she still makes the effort."
"Her... kid?" Soonyoung's voice was weak, barely even louder than the air conditioning hitting his face, but Seokmin heard nevertheless. He glanced at him in confusion before realization hit him, eyes widening and jaw dropping.Â
"Oh, nobody told you!" He shouted in shock, glancing around the street they were on before swiftly recalculating his destination, making a U-turn all of a sudden. "Yeah, she has a daughter! Little Chaerim."
Soonyoung's face blanked, his chest tightening at the information relayed to him.Â
She had a kid. So many things had changed during his time away, like Minghao taking up meditation, Jihoon becoming a famous producer, even Jeonghan adding more furniture to his pet rock's house. But (y/n) having a kid?Â
For as long as he could remember, Soonyoung had the biggest crush on (y/n). Starting from their first meeting at the age of 11, his feelings only seemed to spiral deeper and deeper with every year until he had finally asked her out in the middle of highschool.
They were highschool sweethearts. The epitome of a perfect relationship. They never got into fights, unlike the other relationships around them which seemed to fizzle with the angst of teenage development. They were never jealous, having this undeniable trust in one another, enough to grant them comfort with one another from just the mere thought of the other, and no random addition of a person could tarnish that mentality. They were mature, treating their relationship as something which should be cherished and nurtured, never once treating the other disrespectfully or tarnishing the perfect bond they had.Â
That is until after highschool, when Soonyoung was accepted into his college across the country.Â
It all began crumbling after that. Doubt riddled his mind soon after.
Whether he could truly keep (y/n) happy from such a great distance. Could he manage a long distance relationship and his studies? Would he have to put one over the other? If he did, then his grades would tank, because he wouldn't have the heart to put his school before her in any scenario. Should he just abandon everything, throw away this idea of self fulfillment for love? Find a regular 9 to 5 to support him and (y/n)? He'd stay with her, but at what cost? Soonyoung never wanted to work a job like that. To live a life where everyday, waking up felt like a task, and his only reprieve was the peace of sleep. It's why he was struggling with this debacle in the first place.Â
Whether to put his happiness or her happiness first?Â
Yet at the end of the day, he chose the former. He couldn't possibly give her the happy life she deserved if he himself was miserable. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he brought her any form of misery, like the lack of a devout husband. Someone she was forced to watch crumble with every passing day, nothing more than a shell of what he once was. His vibrancy extracted through the shackles of capitalism until he could no longer handle it. Until not only his will to be happy dissipated, but also his will to make her happy, gone like everything else. He couldn't condemn her to such a cruel inevitability.Â
As much as it pained him to admit it, it would be much better for him to let her go, give her the chance to find the happiness she deserves, which clearly didn't belong to a monster like him.
And so he let her go.
He had been so distracted he hadn't even acknowledged Seokmin parking again in yet another unfamiliar apartment building.Â
"We're here!" He announced, stepping out of the car excitedly. Soonyoung on the other hand stepped out warily, glancing around as if he'd see her waiting for him, glaring in disdain at the man who shattered her heart and left.Â
All the while, Seokmin raved about Chaerim as they made their way to her apartment. He talked about how cute she is, how she's the sweetest thing he's ever seen, how Soonyoung would just love her.Â
Yet her mere existence seemed to haunt Soonyoung, torment him the longer he knew of her existence. Because she stands as a testament of (y/n) moving on from him.Â
Before he knew it, they stopped before a door.
It was just like any other along the narrow corridor, though it felt much more daunting to him, knowing who was behind it.Â
"Watch this," Seokmin whispered excitedly, cracking his knuckles before placing both on the door. He began rapping a beat on the wood which went on for longer than any knock should . He then stepped back proudly, a smile on his face as he looked back at Soonyoung, patiently waiting for something to happen. They could hear muffled shouting through the door, growing louder and louder to the point that Soonyoung could now very clearly make out the voice to be saying "Uncle Seokmin!" on repeat.
Suddenly, the door swung open. Time seemed to stop as a tiny face peeked out, smiling brightly up at his friend who then crouched with outstretched arms. The girl had leapt into his arms, giggling as he lifted her up and hugged her.Â
Soonyoung felt his breathing pick up, seeing the little girl buried in Seokmin's shirt. That little girl was the daughter of his true love. The one girl he had always adored. The girl he all but abandoned.
But she wasn't his daughter.Â
And though that fact lingered over him treacherously, reminding him of his past faults, reminding him that he could've had that had he chosen (y/n) at the end, he still attempted to push away his negative thoughts, offering the girl a smile as he waited for Seokmin to acknowledge him.
Once the enthusiasm subsided, Seokmin finally did turn to him again.Â
"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet my friend, Soonyoung."
The girl looked up at him, peeking over from beneath Seokmin's chin at the strange man a few feet away from her. And as their eyes met, Soonyoung felt his heart all but collapse, watching two sharp, angular eyes peering at him curiously. Eyes which quirked upwards at their ends⊠Just like his.Â
His expression dropped, the color of his skin draining as she revealed all of her face to him, and it felt as if Soonyoung were looking directly into a mirror. She stared at him so resolutely, his own panic seeming nonsensical from how calm she remained, merely resting against Seokmin as she continued to look at Soonyoung, observing as you would an animal exhibit.Â
"Chaerim!" A voice hollered from inside the opened apartment. A person emerged from the hall within, making her way swiftly to the entry, exasperated as if this were a daily occurrence in her life. As the woman appeared at the door, Soonyoung realized who it was.Â
Jihyo, (y/n)'s best friend.Â
She looked to Seokmin and Chaerim for a moment, silently acknowledging that the situation is handled, before looking to Soonyoung, standing there starstruck with his mouth agape, glancing between Jihyo and Chaerim.Â
Jihyo's face shifted from indifference at everything, to shock upon seeing Soonyoung, to then near terror, brows arched in surprise as she froze in place, much like Soonyoung at the moment.Â
"Was it Seokmin?" Another voice resounded from the apartment. A soft, lull like voice which carried in the air, light and delicate with its tone as it hit Soonyoung, a familiarity which lit his nerves though also seemed to melt him into butter.
And then she appeared, rounding the same corner as Jihyo. Soonyoung felt his knees buckle, weak against her mere presence which seemed to dominate the entire room. She looked up, stopping mid step as she met Soonyoung's eyes, and regrettably to his disappointment, instant fear washed across her expression, a fact which seemed to stab at Soonyoung's heart. That he was no longer the one who brought her peace or comfort like he once did so long ago. That she looked to him as you would any unwelcomed stranger.Â
"Is everyone okay?" Seokmin asked, the only person who wasn't in some stare down with another.
Yet before he could question it any further, Chaerim began squirming in his arms, crawling out of his embrace before bounding towards her mom. (y/n) hesitantly crouched, scooping the young girl up and into her arms, who then began whispering into her ear, legs kicking excitedly. With a shaky breath, (y/n) smiled to her guests.
"Seokmin!" She greeted first, voice wavering as she approached the door. "And Soonyoung! Please, why don't you all come in." Her hand landed on Jihyo's shoulder, snapping her out of her stupor before she backed away, allowing the boys to enter the home.Â
Jihyo muttered a brief, "excuse us," before she was dragging the two girls down the hall. Soonyoung looked worriedly to their retreating forms.
The way (y/n) said his name.
She once said it with such adoration. Calling out to him from across the courtyard at school, referring to him in the middle of a conversation, whispering to him late in the night when they embraced one another. His name alone once felt so loved because she said it. Because she spoke love into it. With every syllable, with every roll of her tongue, as if speaking an entire ballad of her affections, though it was merely his name.
Now she spoke his name tentatively. As if it were poison on the tip of her tongue. As if she were stepping through a field of landmines. As if it was taboo to be spoken.Â
He felt tears brimming at his eyes. Selfish tears, ones which shouldn't be shed because he condemned himself to this reality. He was the one who pushed her away. He was the one who left her home, ignoring the silent cries she left behind, ignoring the way his heart fought tooth and nail to turn back and return to her. He was the one who got onto that plane, drowning in his own sorrows as he flew further and further away from her. Away from his other half.
He once believed everyone was a whole, and that some people just made one larger whole once together, and would stay as their original wholes once separated. Yet here he was, a broken half of a man, whose other piece was left shattered and abandoned by him.Â
And he still felt like that. He could feel his dormant heart stirring alive with pointless hope, beating against his rib cage as if wanting to break free and reunite with her. Yet like he always did, he ran away, walking over to her living room and sitting beside Seokmin.
"Cute, isn't she?" Seokmin nudged Soonyoung, a warm smile on his face as he referred to the young girl. "God, I just want to squish her cheeks all day. So round. Doesn't she remind you of a hamster?"
"No," Soonyoung answered faster than he had intended, shocking even himself with his thoughts. That he wasn't a hamster, so she couldn't possibly be a hamster either. He shook his head, attempting to clear away his assumptions as Seokmin chuckled.Â
"You're probably right. That won't stop me from calling her my hamster though," Seokmin continued. Soonyoung leant forward onto his knees, steadying his breathing before the girls would eventually return. "You know, I'm her Godfather."Â
Soonyoung looked over to him, brows furrowed in intrigue.Â
"Yeah, (y/n) insisted," He continued. "I was one of the only people who knew about her pregnancy, so I was taking care of her with Jihyo for those few months." Soonyoung felt his eyes water. The thought that she was struggling so much while he was away at college. And he knew absolutely nothing. "I was even the one who drove her to the hospital when she went into labor, cause Jihyo was working at the time."
There was some relief in him at this. That she wasn't entirely alone. That though he left her behind, she still had others to care for her. He felt obligated to thank Seokmin for his efforts. For being there for her when he wasn't. For taking care of this child like she was his own.Â
Chaerim.
Soonyoung was about to question him further, about to ask him more of his dear god daughter, until Jihyo appeared from the halls, hands clasped together with a nervous laugh resounding from her.Â
"Okay, hello everybody, how are we feeling?" She asked, sitting on the loveseat beside them. "Sorry, we're all understandably shocked to see Soonyoung, you know?"
"No, we completely understand," Seokmin waved her off. "We should've told you guys on our way here, I just got excited." He nodded towards Soonyoung beside him. "He didn't know about Chaerim! Can you believe that?"Â
"Insane," Jihyo responded, her voice monotonous as she stared blankly back at the two.Â
Soon after, the final members of the party came out once more, Chaerim immediately making her way over to Seokmin again. He brought the girl to his lap, brushing back her black hair as (y/n) took a seat in front of them on her coffee table.Â
"Hi," She greeted them all, though her eyes landed on none other than Soonyoung.Â
"Hi," He responded, voice soft, afraid he would startle her and she'd run off. He wouldn't blame her though. He did the exact same thing.Â
"Seokmin, let's go to the kitchen." Jihyo began walking off, Seokmin following after. Chaerim was peeking over his shoulder, still staring right at Soonyoung up until she disappeared into the kitchen.Â
"How have you been?" (y/n) continued. He stared momentarily at the kitchen before turning back to her with a wry smile.Â
"I'm okay," He answered. "I just graduated. Master's in software engineering."Â
"That's amazing, congratulations!" She noted, a smile spreading on her face, though not reaching her eyes. "I'm happy to hear that. You must be so proud."Â
Soonyoung winced at her words, because she seemed to unknowingly see right through him. She may not be fully aware, but he was filled with doubt. Yes, he achieved what he set out for. He got his Master's, he's got the job offer, he's got his life laid out before him, and all he had to do was live it out accordingly. Yet he was full of doubt. Doubt because he was still riddled with sorrow, wondering if things would've been better had he given up on this plan. If he could've accommodated, still involved (y/n) in his life, and just worked a little harder to keep her beside him through the long distance relationship.Â
At the end of it all, that unhappiness he believed he'd have working a basic 9 to 5 equated to the unhappiness he felt living a life without (y/n).Â
"Soonyoung?" She asked, startling him back to reality.Â
"I'm sorry. I zoned out." She softly chuckled, nodding at his words with a soft affirmation. She looked down to her lap, fiddling with her fingers as silence encompassed the two. And as much as he didn't want to ask, as much as he knew it was inappropriate for the time being, he couldn't help it. He couldn't fight back the curiosity flooding his brain. "You have a daughterâŠ"
She froze for a moment, hands wringing together before she looked up at him with a smile.Â
"I do, yes." (y/n) pulled out her phone before handing it to him, showing her wallpaper which was Chaerim, beaming up at the camera, her eyes narrowed into slits. "Her name is Chaerim, as you may already know." His heart softened, seeing the bright little girl practically radiating like the sun. He understood why Seokmin seemed to love her so much. Because he was gradually already falling for her and he hasn't had one conversation with the girl.Â
"She's beautiful," Soonyoung commented, handing the phone back to (y/n), smiling widely at his words. "What's she like?"
"WellâŠ" (y/n) started, breaking off into a brief chuckle as she thought of the girl in question. "She's⊠something. Very hyperactive." (y/n) looked down at her phone, fondly gazing at the picture once more. "She's silly. There's never a dull day with her." She paused, looking for a second more before putting her phone away and sighing. "So mature. It feels like I'm talking to a little adult at times." Soonyoung smiled, seeing how much (y/n) loved her.Â
"Can I meet her?" He asked softly, voice barely above a whisper. He was afraid, scared to meet this little girl. He didn't know what exactly he feared, but his thoughts were incessant.
It was either he was meeting the child of (y/n) and some guy who came and replaced him, or he was meeting the child of him and (y/n).Â
And as (y/n) called out for the girl and she emerged from the kitchen with those familiar sharp eyes of hers, Soonyoung had an inkling he knew it was the latter scenario.Â
"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet Soonyoung," (y/n) spoke, gesturing to the person as she said their name. "Soonyoung, this is Chaerim."Â
He slid off the couch, crouching onto his knees before her with a smile on his face.Â
"Hi Chaerim. It's nice to meet you."Â
The little girl stood there, staring right at him, expression blank and unreadable. It almost intimidated him, the way she seemed to stare right into his soul as if it was child's play. She stepped closer to him, face to face, her gaze unwavering, as if she hadn't an ounce of fear for him. (y/n) and Soonyoung watched her with confusion, though allowed her to continue to inch closer and closer to Soonyoung until she pressed her tiny lips against his nose, pulling away after planting a soft kiss to him.Â
"Chaerim, what are you doing?" (y/n) spoke in a panic, pulling her daughter against her. "You just met Soonyoung, we don't kiss strangers."
"We don't?" She asked. The first words she has spoken in his presence.
"No, we don'tâ How many strangers have you kissed?" (y/n) asked incredulously, eyes wide at the girl's question. Without answering, Chaerim approached Soonyoung again, his face reddened at her kiss.Â
"Hello, my name is Chaerim," she greeted, voice louder than necessary, though still getting her point across. She held out her hand to him, and he hesitantly took it in his own. His lips twitched into a smile, thumb brushing over her smooth skin as he reciprocated her greeting. In some way, he knew. The moment he touched her, he knew she was his.Â
Though before he could say anything else, Jihyo appeared.Â
"(y/n), it's 8," she stated. Like that, (y/n)'s fond smile at the exchange dissipated, and she snapped out of her daydream at the time.Â
"Chaerim, we need to give you a bath," she stated, about to stand up before Jihyo stepped in.Â
"It's okay, Seokmin and I can prepare her for bed," she insisted, lifting the girl into her arms with a small huff. "You guys can keep talking." Jihyo briefly looked to Soonyoung, nodding at him in acknowledgement before turning around and disappearing down the hall, Seokmin trailing behind after waving to Soonyoung.Â
Once they were alone, Soonyoung climbed back onto the couch, staring at (y/n) whose eyes darted everywhere but to him. She was nervous, which saddened Soonyoung. He remembered how she once relied on him for comfort during times like this, yet now he was the source of those worries. He just wanted to bring her to him, remind her of his undying love for her, the same love which hasn't waned since the moment he left her. Yet he understood. He understood she needed time. She needed space from him. She needed time to think after he just suddenly came back into her life.Â
Though yet again, his impulsivity came through, far too curious to merely ignore the elephant in the room.
"(y/n)..." He started, tilting his head down to meet her gaze now staring at the floor between them. She continued to avoid him, eyes shifting away once he entered her peripheral vision. "(y/n), please."Â
There was a desperation in his voice, this weakness in his tone that startled (y/n), loosened her resolve some as she finally peeked up at him. Her eyes were glassy, her lip quivering as she met his gaze, this pleading stare greeting her as they finally looked at one another. Truly looked at one another.
The sun was setting, casting this deep orange glow into the apartment. A myriad of colors danced across her face, the warmth of the sunset seeping into her skin. Ethereal, Soonyoung thought to himself. How beautiful his beloved (y/n) was. Perhaps it was the time spent apart, but Soonyoung swore she seemed to radiate even more now than she ever had before. As if with every passing of the sun, she seemed to blossom more and more, this breathtaking flower before him that he had left behind.Â
"Talk to me. Please."
She blinked at his words, tears beginning to well up along her waterline. Though he could very clearly see that anguish in her eyes, she still attempted to play it off, breathing out a chuckle as she shrugged nonchalantly at his request.Â
"What's there to say?"Â
Dismissive. She looked away the moment she finished her sentence, eyes once more skirting around him, avoiding him. He winced, this surprisingly sharp pain stabbing at his heart. And yet it only encouraged him to pursue her more.Â
"So much. (y/n), it's been years. Please, tell me anything. Tell me about your parents, your job, Jihyo." At this point, he had leant so close to her that their breaths were intermingling, warmth brushing against their faces from the proximity, yet to them, two long lost lovers who hadn't spoken in what felt like a lifetime, the space was anything but discomforting. A welcoming sensation that had the tips of his fingers itching to touch her, any part of her, anywhere she was willing to offer him. His eyes opened, glassy gaze once more seeking out her own as she took in a shaky breath, overwrought with the surge of emotions that came with Soonyoung's presence.
Tell me about Chaerim.
He wanted to ask so badly. The question was at the tip of his tongue, begging to be spoken. Yet upon the first break of tears cascading down her face, he knew he had already pushed her too far for now.Â
Once her tears spilled, so did his, a never ending stream of moisture seeping out of his eyes, his sobs choked back upon hearing her muted sniffles. And to make matters worse, he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't gather her defeated body into his arms. He couldn't wipe her tears away or kiss at the trail they'd leave behind. He couldn't hum her favorite songs to banish her sadness away. Because unlike the other times, he wasn't hers and she wasn't his. At this point, they were no more estranged than two strangers.
His hands shook by his side, forcing himself back from holding her to him. He had no place to do so. He was nothing to her anymore. It took every fiber of his being to separate him from where he was, leaning back onto the couch with a rough sigh, jaw clenched as he attempted to will away his tears. (y/n) similarly followed suit, her hand pressed against her mouth as if to quell the cries that wanted to break free. And they remained that way for what felt like an eternity, silencing their anguish on their own. The solitude felt like a stone pressing down on him, an aching reminder of what their relationship had eventually boiled down to.Â
They were childhood sweethearts. Ever since he could remember, he'd held a sweet spot for the girl next door. His friends had teased him relentlessly, the adults in his life equally tormenting him with the premise of one day marrying (y/n). So it was no shocker when he had confessed to her one fateful evening in the park by their neighborhood. What did come as a shock was when she had almost immediately reciprocated his feelings, dragging him into a bone crushing hug as she giggled away into his chest.
Seungkwan hadn't believed him the next day, giving him a once over with a raised eyebrow. His hair was frizzy with damage from repetitive bleaching, his clothes hung loosely on his lanky body, and his smile was obscured by an array of multicolored bands on his braces. Yet it only further proved her genuine affections for the boy.
They say love is blind, but it seemed like she had revealed to him a whole new plethora of shades never before seen by the human eye. The sky was bluer when he was with her, grass greener as they laid together in the field, the orange of his tiger plushies felt more vibrant whenever she cuddled one of them.Â
And even now, it still held true, his atmosphere intensifying in her presence just from her sitting there in front of him. She brought him such anguish, unearthing memories he had once tried so adamantly to bury away, yet she also brought this unfathomable peace in his heart, soothing the storm that had plagued his soul for the past six years in college. The thought was what finally calmed his tears, leaving dried streaks across his face. She had yet to stop her own.Â
"(y/n)." She finally spared him a wary glance, that same storm which racked his being now whirling in her irises.
In a much softer tone, he called out her name again, desperation laced in his voice, and perhaps even in his gaze, because just from looking at him, (y/n)'s resolve seemed to dissipate into thin air. With a quivering lip and another bout of tears welling up in her eyes, she found herself shifting over to the couch, collapsing into Soonyoung's arms with a loud, agonizing sob.
Her body quaked in his arms as he finally held her again, his face burying into her hair and breathing in her scent. Her arms had wrapped around his torso, fingers clenched desperately into his shirt, tugging him impossibly closer to her. He could feel the warmth of her tears seeping into the material of his top, attempting to coax more tears out of him, yet he remained as is, striving to keep his strength for the both of them in this moment.Â
"You left me," she cried into his shoulder, voice wrought with unwavering sorrow. "You broke my heart." That familiar lump began forming at the base of Soonyoung's throat, yet he swallowed away the threat of tears once more, simply opting to drag her closer into his frame.
He shut his eyes, his breaths heavy and ragged as he took in her despondency, feeling firsthand how his capricious actions had not only destroyed himself, but also the love of his life.Â
"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice broken as he spoke through his own misery. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize for an eternity and then some, and it would never amount to the regret I feel." His hand rubbed up and down her back, attempting to repress at least some of her sadness at the moment. "I thought⊠I thought this would be better for you. You didn't deserve to suffer in a long distance relationship. I thought it would be better to let you go so you can actually experience the fulfilling relationship you deserve."
"That's so fucking stupid," she sobbed out, each syllable sounding forced out through the exhaustion already setting in from her crying session.Â
"I know."
"You broke my heart, you asshole."
"I know." She had mumbled out a few more indiscernible words that had intertwined with her next bout of cries, until eventually it had dissolved into nothing. The tight grip she had on Soonyoung had loosened, her face once buried in his chest now lolled loosely against his shoulder, and the quivering of her body now replaced by the gentle rise and fall of her steady breathing. And with her now silently sleeping away, he took the opportunity by himself to let out his own tears once more, littering the top of her head with soft kisses as he wallowed in his own pitiful state. Embracing the girl he had abandoned and broken, begging for forgiveness as if he deserved anything from her. His apologies fell upon deaf ears as she slept, yet it hadn't deterred him from continuously whispering his pleas to her.Â
The only thing that seemed to stop his mantra was Seokmin squeezing his shoulder.Â
"Hey Soon," he called out quietly, snapping him out of his daze as he looked up at his friend. "Let's head home. You guys had enough for the day. There's always tomorrow."
Soonyoung nodded, rising to his feet with (y/n) in his arms as Seokmin guided him to her bedroom. Soonyoung spared her one last glance as he laid her there, brushing back her hair and stroking her cheek, taking in her peaceful expression once more before departing. Seokmin was at the entrance with Jihyo already, the two talking to one another in a low voice, as if the tension of before still resided even with (y/n) fast asleep.Â
Upon Soonyoung's arrival, their conversation faded into nothing, Seokmin offering the man a gentle smile upon taking in his beaten form.Â
"Hey buddy, how are we feeling?" Soonyoung's silence was answer enough, staring at his friend blankly with red eyes and a puffy face. "Ah, that's good, that's good. Like I said, there's always tomorrow. Let's get you home now, yeah?" Seokmin bid Jihyo goodbye with one last nod before heading out the door.
Before Soonyoung could fully walk out the door, his body halted in its spot, standing at the threshold of the apartment with Jihyo staring up at him confusedly.Â
"Chaerim," he spoke, voice gravelly from his earlier happenings. "Is she mine?"Â
He didn't know what brought this upon him. In any other instance, he'd be horrified at the sudden audacity he obtained to have asked such an illicit question. Yet right now, he was numb. His body ached. His heart felt drained beyond reparation. He felt like nothing. So what was there to lose with such a risky move?
Jihyo was silent for another moment, until she shook her head out of the corner of his eye.Â
"No," she stated, voice weak as she looked at the defeated man before her. "No, she's not. I'm sorry."
Soonyoung shut his eyes, nodding at her words before fully walking out, meeting up with Seokmin at the elevator.Â
It was an answer he had anticipated, one that was honestly expected, yet somewhere deep in his heart, he had truly thought she was his daughter. That she was the product of his and (y/n)'s love. That he possibly still had a chance with (y/n), as long as that fragment of their relationship still existed in this world. Yet it was all hopeful wishing.Â
Even long after Seokmin dropped Soonyoung off at his parent's house, bidding the man goodbye and promising to return tomorrow, the events of the day still weighed heavily upon him. And even after shutting his eyes and going to sleep, the memories of (y/n) tormented him throughout the night. Illusions of what could have been had he chosen her at the end. The happy life he could have had with (y/n) in his arms. Chaerim could have been his. He could have had a daughter as beautiful as her. Yet he had given it all up for a piece of paper.
The last person he had seen that night was Seokmin, and he had also wound up being the first person he saw when he woke up the next morning.
"Soonyoung," he called out, shaking the man's shoulders until he stirred from his slumber. "Time to wake up."Â
The aforementioned man did not look his best, to say the least. Eyes completely bloodshot, face puffy beyond recognition, and his usual sanguine demeanor was depleted until he sat there as nothing more than a breathing human. The living embodiment of the contrast between living and surviving.Â
Though Seokmin didn't seem too perturbed by his friend's ragged appearance, merely cooing as he patted down the disheveled mane on Soonyoung's head.Â
"You ready to get back into the ring today?" His voice was chipper, comparable to that of a kindergarten teacher to their students, yet it had little to no effect on Soonyoung who grumbled in response to his patronizingly toned question.Â
Seokmin stood there as Soonyoung dragged his feet about the room, tugging on whatever clothes he could find, brushing his teeth as he combed his hair, attempting to stay awake through Seokmin's droning dialogue in the background.Â
"I got everyone's schedule for today. Mingyu and Vernon have the day off. Chan gets off later on today, so he could join us whenever. Seungkwan and Junhui said they couldn't come today because they're working, but Joshua literally has the closing shift and said he'd come around at midnight, so I think they're just not committed enough, you know?
"Jeonghan and Minghao have not responded to me yet, but Jeonghan literally posted on Instagram yesterday, so I know he's ignoring me. Seungcheol and Wonwoo said no for today, but they are available later on this week. Did I forget anybody? I feel like I'm forgetting someone?"Â
(y/n).Â
He wanted to ask how she was. If she had fared well after last night. How she felt this morning, waking up after such an eventful night. How Chaerim was doing. What the girls were up to this morning. What they'd be doing later on. If (y/n) still wore blue every Wednesday and acted like it wasn't an actual routine of hers because she didn't think anyone would notice. If he could see her again today.Â
"Jihoon!" Seokmin snapped his fingers upon realizing, laughing to himself soon after. "Jihoon is busy right now, but he'll join us later."
Their conversation continued once they were in Seokmin's car and driving off.
"So we're going to pick up Mingyu and Vernon and head out for breakfast. At around 12, Jihoon said he'd come join us, so maybe we can take a walk around downtown for old time's sake. At 2, I have to pick up Chaerim and drop her off at Jihyo's, but Chan shouldâ"
"Chaerim?" Soonyoung's eyebrows had risen at the mention of the girl's name, turning to face Seokmin with sudden fascination at the schedule. "You pick up Chaerim from school?"
"Well, from daycare, yeah," Seokmin responded, eyes still trained on the street, but still with that soft grin plastered to his face, the casual air he has when talking about the girl stirring this envious feeling within Soonyoung. "Jihyo gets out of work at 2, but the daycare is pretty out of place on her route home, so I pick up Chaerim and hand her to Jihyo. And then at 5, (y/n) gets out of work and she retrieves the child from Jihyo and they head home."Â
Soonyoung sat there enraptured at Seokmin's words, nodding and absorbing everything said as if he himself would need the knowledge in the coming future. Seokmin kept talking afterwards, continuing where he left off regarding Chan's and Josh's arrival before they had finally reached their destination.Â
This 24/7 breakfast joint they'd frequent as they grew up, Attacca. They'd eat waffles there as a child with their families, eat waffles after school while procrastinating on doing their homework, eat waffles on snow days when they had nothing better to do, eat waffles at 2 am after late night parties at each other's houses. And even now as the four of them sat together to catch up, they ate those exact same waffles.Â
"You still have the high score on Galaga?" Soonyoung gaped as Vernon nodded cockily, leaning back against the chipped leather of the booth they sat at, arms raised triumphantly while he basked in the glory of his achievements.Â
"The undefeated champion still reigns to this day." Vernon began waving to his imaginary fans, blowing kisses and posing for photos as Mingyu grimaced at the overplayed fantasy happening before him.Â
"He goes to that same rundown laundromat every month to make sure he hasn't been bested, as if kids are even still going there." Soonyoung chuckled at Mingyu's words, which had supposedly gone over Vernon's head as he continued to fantasize about the glories of victory, muttering to himself about how he would love to accept Oprah's invitation to her show. "Though on the less pathetic side of things, my restaurant is doing very well."
"I can't believe you actually own a restaurant." Soonyoung took a sip from his chocolate milk, humming in amusement at the thought of Chef Mingyu. "That's insane. Congrats, man."Â
"Thank you very much."
"Yeah, Mingyu said he'd serve us for free next time we go," Seokmin quickly added, earning a kick under the table from Mingyu himself.Â
"Wait, is Mingyu finally feeding us for free?" Vernon asked, mouth agape as he finally snapped out of whatever trance he had propelled himself into minutes earlier.Â
"No, Mingyu is not feeding you freeloaders." Mingyu elbowed Vernon as he spoke, glaring at the group before him with disgust. "You get discounts at most, but I'd go bankrupt if you all came to my restaurant for free."Â
"You hear that, boys, dinner at Mingyu's tonight." Seokmin tossed his hand forward, immediately receiving a high five from Vernon on command as the two continued to goad Mingyu. With a roll of his eyes, he redirected his attention to Soonyoung, offering the man an excited smile.Â
"So, Soonyoung, what's up with you? Six years on your own, new degree, job offer. You've got so much going on for you!"
"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled, stirring his straw in his drink absentmindedly as his eyes lowered to the table's surface. "I'll be off again in a few weeks presumably. For that job offer."
"I don't know if this is dumb of me to ask, but what does an engineer do?" Vernon questioned, shoveling another load of waffle into his mouth.
Soonyoung pouted as he thought about the question, because to be fair, he doesn't even know what his job will entail. Six years in college. He's learned his way around a computer. He knows how to fix things now. That's pretty much all he can say, because to be honest, he doesn't know what awaits him in the future. He doesn't know what finally entering the field of his career entails for him. He doesn't know if it'll be what he had anticipated out of such an intensive career. If it'll prove the regrets that stir within him wrong, prove that it was worth leaving everything behind to pursue.Â
Suddenly, Chaerim and (y/n) came to mind. A little glimpse of them together popped into his head, (y/n) chiding her daughter who had just planted a kiss onto his nose. With those two girls remaining in his mind, he was beginning to seriously doubt that last presumption of his.
Because no amount of money in the world could possibly top the exhilarating feeling that settled at the base of his heart when he was with them both yesterday.Â
"I don't know," Soonyoung announced, rather proudly regarding the circumstances, causing the lot to burst into laughter at his own confusion.Â
"Well, hopefully it comes easy to you," Mingyu spoke, bringing his coffee mug up to his lips for a sip. "Who would have thought the tech challenged Soonyoung would become a software engineer of all things."
"I wasn't that bad."
"You typed like a grandma after her fifth shot of tequila," Vernon interjected with a shake of his head. "We all know (y/n) was the one who had prepared all of your presentations for you."Â
Soonyoung nervously chuckled at the mention of her name. His technical ex girlfriend, as painful as it sounded. And as true as that was, so was Vernon's statement.Â
They'd be lying on his bed, her laptop in between them as she helped organize his notes and points on one PowerPoint. She'd type away, showing him different things the program offered, putting in her own input on designing, and he'd merely sit there and listen, head tucked away in the nook of her neck as he dozed off to her gentle voice. He'd fall asleep while she worked, and she'd wake him up by littering kisses all over his face. He'd rehearse his presentation for her alongside the PowerPoint, just to show how her work would not be going to waste. She'd applaud him, congratulating him even though he had done the bare minimum, but it felt good nevertheless. To be doted upon by the girl he loves the most, falling asleep in her arms the night before his project, that good luck kiss before he'd enter class that he swore was the key to his passing grades.Â
Soonyoung would wait for (y/n) after class to tell her how it went, and the smile she'd bless him with was like the cherry on top of it all. This big, gorgeous smile that was so bright and happy for him and him alone.Â
As if punishment upon him, for even daring to derive even a shred of happiness from a past memory, the blissful image of (y/n)'s smile had been torn away from him, instead replaced by one of their last moments together.Â
It was in his room as he was packing away his clothes for college. (y/n) sat on his bed, folding whatever she could and neatly organizing it into his luggage whilst filling the quietude with her thoughts.Â
Though Soonyoung couldn't really recall much of what she was saying that day. He was too into his own head. He was too distracted by his own thoughts plaguing his psyche. Thoughts that he had initially written off as intrusive ones that would soon fade away, though they remained recurrent, sprouting forth practically every moment he spent with (y/n) until every waking second of his life revolved around those thoughts and those thoughts alone.Â
(y/n) managed to snap him back into reality as she began directing her voice towards him.Â
"You'll have to text me when you get situated over there!" She gushed, far more excited for him than he was for himself. "I mean, you'll text me when you get there of course, but you have to text me when everything's settled and you have some spare time. I can fly over and meet you." She slipped off his bed, shuffling over to him and wrapping him in a hug. Soonyoung naturally reciprocated it, arms embracing her against him, relishing in the warmth and comfort that came with holding her. That keen familiarity that he'd never grow weary of no matter the distance or the time which passed. But even so, even with her presence serving as an anchor for him, his mind was elsewhere, drifting far from reason and compiling what he could only describe as utter nonsense now.Â
"(y/n)," he muttered aloud, somehow hoping she wouldn't hear him even though he spoke right by her ear. She hummed, cursing him into finishing what he had started. "How do you feel about all of this?"Â
"About what? College?" He hesitantly pulled away from her, arms loosely holding her as he took in her appearance once more, as if needing the momentary motivation to continue with whatever he was doing.Â
"About me going to college. About me leaving everything behind." His eyes flickered about her face, tension settling in his eyebrows as his emotions were already beginning to seep through his facade. "About me leaving you behind."
"That's a weird way of putting it," she laughed dismissively at his words, though still hummed in thought. "I feel⊠conflicted." His arms strained for a second, briefly gripping onto (y/n) as she paused for consideration. "Of course I'd love to have you with me or me with you, but we can't. At least not right now." She tilted her head with a pout forming on her lips before she smiled resolutely. "Life has other things planned for us right now. You're off to do great things, to study and get a career like you always wanted, and I'll be here, finding some sort of stability like I've always wanted.
"But that's okay," she tugged him along with her to the bed, seating him on the edge and cozying herself against him, head resting on his shoulder with her arms draped over him. "Because we'll always be here supporting one another. I'll be right here when you're ready to come back."Â
He hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt a tear brush past his lip, her words being the nail in the coffin for those incessant anxieties that had tormented him for weeks now.Â
"(y/n), I think we should break up."Â
The words felt like poison in his mouth, churning his stomach until it was wrought with absolute disgust. There was a conflict in his body, one that had him beating himself for having even uttered said cursed words, but it was too late. He had spoken his thoughts.Â
(y/n) had stiffened in his arms, silent as Soonyoung battled with himself, but then she slowly pulled away from him. Her eyes were blank at first, face stoic whilst analyzing his expression for any sign of humor or any indication that what he said was merely a cruel joke. But it wasn't.Â
"Soonyoung, what are you trying to do? Talk to me before making such a large decision like that on your own." Even at such a young age, she was so mature. It was something he had always admired about her. How level headed she was, how calm and patient she became whenever he was off his hinges. She continued to show that maturity of hers, concealing whatever emotions she may be feeling and instead waiting for Soonyoung to calm down enough to talk.Â
"IâŠ" He had begun, eyes straying to his lap when he felt his words get caught in his throat, his body quaking with an incoming sob, though quickly collecting himself, clearing his throat of any obstruction and continuing. "You have been the light of my life for as long as I can remember. I've loved you for longer than I could even talk. You are the love of my life, and that's very clear to see." He paused, gathering his thoughts once more. (y/n) remained where she sat, hands having slid down to his biceps where they tentatively rested. "And all I've ever wanted was your happiness⊠But I think I will become that obstacle for you. I will be the thing preventing you from being happy."
"Why would you ever say that about yourself, Soonyoung?" She cupped his face, bringing his gaze back to her intimidatingly serious one. "You can't be in the way of my happiness if you are my happiness."
"(y/n), we've never been away from each other for even a day." Soonyoung all but wept, eyes blurring with tears as he laughed incredulously at his own statement. School field trips, family road trips, even girl scout camping included them both, Soonyoung somehow getting away with disguising as his sister when they were all children. "I don't think we'll be able to make it long distance."
"Who says we can't?"
"I do." His voice was broken, as was the rest of him, barely able to hold himself where he sat. (y/n) was quiet for a moment, in complete shock of what was happening in front of her.Â
"Why are you so confident we can't do long distance? Sure, we've never been apart, but who's to say we can't survive away from each other? SoonyoungâŠ" Yet again, (y/n) found herself redirecting his attention back to her, making sure he could see the absolute resolve in her eyes. "I love you. And I know you love me just as much. Isn't that enough reassurance?"Â
Soonyoung could see how serious she was. He could see how much she was holding back, wanting to also burst into tears alongside him at such a scary moment in their lives, but even so, he had his mind settled.Â
"No, it's not." She flinched at his words, her hands suddenly pulled away from him as if his skin were fire. She was taken aback, eyes wavering as Soonyoung began rubbing away his tears.Â
"Why are you acting this way? You're not even giving us a chance. You're acting as if everything we've built together was for nothing. As if all those years together were just child's play when you literally mean the world to me."Â
"(y/n), I love you," he interjected, shutting his eyes and taking a deep, final breath. "I love so much. You are everything to me. And I know I can't live without you. But I can't bear to see you lose yourself to a long distance relationship like this."
"Soonyoungâ"
"You deserve a fulfilling and present love. A love that you won't have to struggle with time differences just to video call, a love where you don't have to be decided over homework, a love that's just as invigorating and perfect as you, and I'm no longer a viable option."Â
He didn't know what had done itâwhich of his words had finally broken her fortitude, but before he knew it, he heard sniffling beside him, and when he finally met her gaze again, there were tears running down her face, lips downturned whilst staring back at him in disappointment.Â
"Who even are you anymore?" He stayed quiet at her question, not really knowing how to even answer this if he had wanted to. Physically, he was still Soonyoung, but so much had happened in such a short duration of time that he felt like his soul lay dormant deep within him. He didn't know what entity of sorts took over that compelled him to act in such a way and feel these doubts he's never felt before, but there was no changing him at this point.Â
And within seconds, this strong, independent girl Soonyoung had grown to love with all of his heart had deteriorated with defeat. She pulled her hands away from his in lieu of shielding her face, leaving cold pockets on his body from where her touch had once resided. He felt a stab at his heart as she silently wept to herself, a sight he rarely if ever saw from her. And to know that he was the reason she was like this killed him inside.
Yet even so, he still didn't take back his words. He didn't apologize for destroying their relationship so heartlessly. He just sat there, watching her, knowing this would be the last image of her he'd see before flying the next morning.
And as greedy as it wasâas absolutely cold and insensitive as it was for him to doâhe slid closer to her, hands hovering over her wrists for a second more, as if giving himself one more chance to stop, but it seemed as if his body had now begun running on autopilot. Latching onto her hands, he gently tugged them away from her face, cupping her cheeks so as to have her looking at him.Â
She was crushed, tears an endless stream of moisture seeping from her now reddened eyes, facial muscles contorted with sadness. It was a sight that absolutely destroyed Soonyoung, yet still it was undeniable in his mind: she was as beautiful as she had always been and always would be.
Perhaps it was with that thought, that subtle reminder that he truly did and always would love her for who she was, that compelled him to lean forward, pressing his lips onto hers one last time, as if one last proclamation of his eternal love for her. His eyes had shut, tears slipping away from him as he brought her closer to him, pouring out every ounce of affection he could, hoping that what his words failed to convey, his kiss would translateâshow her that somewhere in him, Soonyoung still resided; that she hadn't lost him entirely yet.Â
She had kissed him back, hands threading through his hair and pulling him closer, afraid that if she had let go, he'd disappear from her forever.Â
And her fears had proven true. After that last night together, tangled in each other's limbs, their final moments expressing their love for one another, he had left, leaving behind a kiss on her forehead and his heart now in her hands as he flew across the country, an emotionless void as he pursued what he thought he'd always wanted.Â
His demeanor had changed greatly during breakfast, something Seokmin had noticed almost immediately. The boys agreed to meet up later when the others were available, agreeing to hit up some places around the city together. Seokmin was driving Soonyoung home for the time being, refraining from mentioning his solemn expression as he sat in the passenger's seat quietly. The man had too many thoughts running through his mind at all times. It was something that Soonyoung had always dealt with. They'd be talking about one thing, and within a second, Soonyoung would have changed the route of their conversation because he suddenly remembered something. Though now rather than his silly little conversational segues growing up, his thoughts seemed a dark place that no one would want to venture into. Seokmin just hoped that their friends would be able to distract him some later tonight.Â
Once they pulled into the driveway of Soonyoung's parent's house, they both stepped out of the vehicle, making their way to the entrance until Seokmin's phone began ringing.Â
"Hello?" He swiftly answered as Soonyoung fished for his keys. "What? Waitâ hold onâ Grandma, Iâ Slow down for a second, slow down. Are you okay? Are you hurt at all?" Soonyoung turned around, eyes widening in shock as he looked at a very concerned and confused Seokmin. "Okay, I'll be right there. Just stay put."Â
"What happened?"Â
"She got into a car accident. She said it's a minor one, but still."Â
"Of course, I understand, go over there," Soonyoung insisted, already ushering Seokmin over to his car.Â
"Wait, Soonyoung, wait." They both stopped for a moment, facing each other with equally troubled expressions. "It's almost 2 o'clock." Soonyoung's mouth dropped immediately, hand resting on his forehead as he began to truly process Seokmin's plight.Â
"ChaerimâŠ"Â
"I know it's a lot to ask of you, but could you pick her up for me?" Seokmin asked, already unlocking his car as he waited for Soonyoung's answer, which came seconds later in vigorous nods. It brought a small smile to his face, seeing some form of life once more in his friend's eyes. "Great, thank you so much, dude. I'll text you the address. I owe you big time."
Once Seokmin had left, Soonyoung immediately rushed into the house to grab his keys before driving off. He must've broken quite a few traffic laws considering he made it to the store, bought a car seat, and installed it, all with just minutes to spare before 2.
He double checked the booster seat once more, shaking it around to ensure it was latched on safely, before he backed away with a huff, turning his attention to her daycare he was parked in front of.Â
A quaint little location with trees and flowers littered around the front, a sign of alternating primary colors reading 'Little Sun Daycare' under a rainbow arch with clouds on either side. From where he stood, he could see a large, open backyard with all the things to occupy a child's attention span. Though it was barren, so he knew they were all likely nestled away safely inside.Â
He rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on the front of his jeans before pulling the door open, wincing at the loud chime over his head once he saw what he had walked into. About a dozen or so children, all scattered across the floor with blankets and pillows as a faint lullaby played on loop behind them. He stood there awkwardly, frozen in place with his eyes darting from each and every child, checking to see if any stirred, though luckily it seemed he'd gotten away with it.Â
Another moment passed before a lady came around the corner, steps light and casual like the seasoned caregiver she most likely was. She was older with brown hair pulled into a bun, a few wiry gray strands sticking to and fro from what must've been an already strenuous day with the children. She offered Soonyoung a gentle smile, revealing wrinkles that curved with her face, as if showing how often they formed due to her frequent grins and happiness.Â
"Hello," Soonyoung whispered, practically tiptoeing closer to her out of fear of making any more noise. "I'm sorry for⊠that." He gestured grandly to the bell behind him. She snickered, waving her hand dismissively to him.Â
"It's alright, dear, these kids can usually sleep through a stampede." Her voice was low, though definitely not as quiet as Soonyoung had been, and he found himself quickly adapting to her volume levels as she went behind the front desk. "Pick-up?"
"Oh⊠Yes, I'm here for pick-up." He nodded at her words, somewhat surprised at how quickly she had deduced his reason for coming. She handed him a clipboard of names, presumably that of the kids, before she left to go into the room of napping children.
His eyes scanned the list before settling on Chaerim's. There were two boxes in her row, one for drop off and one for pick-up. (y/n)'s name was already signed in one, and Soonyoung needed a moment to collect himself, gaze now focused on her signature. It was silly of him to feel so affected by mere writing, especially when he had written his name next to hers on the pick-up column. It had the same satisfaction as when he'd write his name with her last name growing up, long before he had the bravery to ask her out and he was merely dealing with a crush that rotted his brain away.
Chaerim. (y/n). Soonyoung.Â
He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a little voice calling out to him.
"Soonie?" He turned around, heart swelling as he saw a tired Chaerim rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her face was puffy, hair in complete disarray, but she looked absolutely adorable to him. He crouched to his knees with a smile on his face, and that was supposedly enough of a boost for the girl to all but launch herself into his hold, tiny arms thrown around his neck as she buried her face into his shoulder. A warmth spread through his body as he cradled her against him, standing to his full height before facing the woman again.Â
"She had almost an hour-long nap. Snack time was just before naptime, so she may be hungry. And she was praised today for sharing toys with the other kids." Soonyoung chuckled at this, patting her back approvingly as she refused to stray from where she nestled herself into him.Â
"Thank you so much," he responded to her, backing away towards the door as he waved goodbye to her.Â
"Of course. It's lovely to finally meet you!" The words hadn't really hit him until the door had closed behind them. Then he, had stood there frozen for another moment, eyes widened when he processed both her implication and how she had wordlessly gone to retrieve Chaerim. He bit back a smile, continuing his trek to his car as he greeted the little girl in his arms.Â
"Are you surprised?" He felt her nod against him.Â
"Yeah," she mumbled into his shirt. "Because usually it's Uncle Seokmin who picks me up. But today, it was Soonie." His cheeks were already hurting from smiling and he hadn't even gotten into the car yet.
"I like the name you've given me," he replied to her as he strapped the little girl into her seat, shaking her around a bit to check again for stability purposes, earning a few bubbly giggles from her before he slipped into the driver's seat.Â
"Are we going to Aunt Jihyo's? Uncle Seokmin usually takes me to Aunt Jihyo's afterwards. And then Aunt Jihyo and I play games and watch movies until mommy comes." Soonyoung hummed happily at her babbling in the background, refreshing his chat with Seokmin where he had only sent him the address to the daycare. Soonyoung sent a second text out, even though his other one hadn't been read yet. He knew it'd be a stretch asking Chaerim for directions, so with a shake of his head, he began backing out of the parking lot.Â
"I was actually thinking we could hang, you and me. How does that sound?"
"Yeah!" She hollered loudly, all that drowsiness she had before dissipating as she kicked her legs excitedly.Â
To be fair, if he weren't driving, he'd also probably be kicking his legs around, the thought of spending time with Chaerim just as exciting of an idea to him as it was to her, and he hadn't even had a full conversation with the girl on his own. It just comes to show how invigorating of a person she was at such a young age already. Just as entrancing as her mother.
It was almost by nature that he had navigated them to the park. It was a quaint area filled with lush trees and winding cobbled paths. At the center of it all was a lake where many visitors would fish or feed the wildlife, and that main walkway encircled the body of water, a route many morning joggers would wind up taking.
Their town wasn't necessarily small, but it also wasn't a grand city with a variety of things to do and places to visit; as such, the park was a sight he and his friends had frequented often whilst growing up together. He remembers learning to skip stones with Minghao at the lake, climbing around the playground with Mingyu and Seokmin as if it were an obstacle course where they couldn't touch the floor, playing manhunt with everyone in the middle of the night. Asking out (y/n) as the sun was setting behind them. It was a place he held near and dear to his heart, and something in him wanted to create even more memories now with Chaerim by his side.Â
The girl seemed perhaps even more excited than he was, if that were even possible, already preemptively pressing the red button of her car seat and freeing herself from her restraints. Though she sat there anyways, waiting for Soonyoung to turn off the car and take her out of her seat himself.Â
With her little hand wrapped around two of his fingers, they strolled through the park together, Soonyoung letting her ramble away to her heart's content.Â
"You should be happy I named you Soonie," she called out to him from where she walked below. He hummed in acknowledgement at this, a confused yet amused smile crossing his face as she continued speaking. "Uncle Seokmin keeps asking me to change his name, but I don't want to."
"Why not? A nickname would be much shorter than Uncle Seokmin."
"What's a nickname?"
"It's when you shorten the person's name. You call me Soonie instead of Soonyoung. Soonie is a nickname."
"Why can't it be your real name?"
"It could if I legally change it."
"Change it."
"Maybe some other day," Soonyoung laughed at her insistence, gazing down at her fondly. How lucky you would have had to been to be blessed with Chaerim's presence on a daily basis. It was a relieving thought to know that three of the most trustworthy people he could name were her guardians.
Jihyo, who had been with (y/n) for years to come. A friend that was one in a million. Someone who stood the test of time, never once straying from (y/n) throughout the duration of their friendship.
He remembers when he had gotten into a fight on (y/n)'s behalf, having heard a guy talking crassly about her. It was Jihyo who had yanked Soonyoung off the guy, urging him to rethink his decision. The last thing (y/n) would want out of this was her boyfriend to be suspended for fighting this jerk. But when the guy continued with his vulgar language regarding (y/n), Jihyo had performed quite possibly the most impressive elbow drop ever seen, landing them both into weeks of detention together.Â
It was a silly thing to bond over, but nonetheless had sealed a sort of unspoken friendship that neither of them had expected.Â
Then there was Seokmin, one of his best friends since elementary schoolâand still claiming that title today.Â
He was inherently kindhearted, accepting of anyone no matter their circumstances. Soonyoung berated him at times for putting others before himself too often, though it seemed like it didn't affect Seokmin in the slightest. As if he derived all of his enjoyment from helping others, both a selfless but also selfish matter as he did think of others, but he mostly did it because it brought himself joy. Still a saint if there ever was one, and from what he's heard thus far regarding his participation in Chaerim and (y/n)'s life, this still proved true.Â
Then there was (y/n). Were there even words to describe how perfect (y/n) was? How sweet and caring and loving she is. Warm and doting with kisses that can heal any ailment, physical or emotional. Thoughtful and patient and compassionate. Soonyoung had brought the passion in their relationship, the whimsy that made love so worthwhile and memorable. Yet she was the stability in their relationship, able to ground Soonyoung when he grew too rambunctious, quell any argument that would surface between them, balance the energy Soonyoung evoked with her own tranquility.Â
There was no better person to mother such an adoring child as Chaerim. No better person to be raised by with such love and tenderness. There was no person like (y/n), nor would there ever be.Â
"Why is it called nickname?" Chaerim suddenly chimed in, catching Soonyoung off guard who just spoke the first thing in his mind, in a feeble attempt to impress the young girl with his nonexistent knowledge.Â
"Nick is the shortened version of Nicholas." His eyes had widened comically at his words, impressed by how the reasoning seemed to fit the context, yet also dumbfounded by how idiotic he was. Chaerim didn't seem to be affected by his nonsense.Â
"So Soonyoung is your Nicholasname?"Â
"Yes." He could already sense another question on the tip of the inquisitive girl's tongue, and Soonyoung couldn't find it in himself to lie to her again. "Oh, look at that!" He threw his hand up with a gasp leaving his mouth, pointing to the ice cream truck just off the edge of the path they walked on. While he seemed excited, Chaerim was otherwise unimpressed, drawing nearer to him as they stopped in their path.Â
"I'm not allowed to have ice cream," she explained, to which Soonyoung gaped at her response, almost immediately crouching to her level in shock.Â
"Why not? Is it something about spoiling your dinner?" She hummed at his question, needing a moment to herself to think of her words.Â
"Mommy says I can't. She says I lack toes in taller ants." Soonyoung blinked in wonder at this, in complete and utter confusion at what she was getting at. Lack toes in taller ants. Lack toes. In taller ants.Â
"Lack toes⊠Lactose intolerant." His voice was barely above a whisper, both hesitant of his conclusion, but also fearful for the answerâon whether she truly is lactose intolerant.
She nodded.Â
His breathing was shaky, nerves alight as he nodded at her response. His heart felt like it had seized in his chest for a moment, yet even with the internal panic setting in, he still felt a smile twitching at his lips.Â
"Well, lucky for you, this ice cream truck has ice cream you can eat." Her eyes widened, a wide toothy grin setting in.Â
"Really?"
"Yeah. And you can trust me on this. I'm also lactose intolerant." She laughed in absolute wonderment, allowing him to scoop her up and take her to the ice cream truck he used to visit as a child himself.
Ordering the ice cream felt sort of like a fever dream as he was still processing the newfound information. The coincidences were becoming far too frequent for him to ignore. Chaerim's undeniable resemblance to him that has even stumped people outside their circumstances. Chaerim's genetic lactose intolerance that she had to have gotten from someone other than (y/n). Even now as they ate their sorbets, they had similar tastes.Â
"I don't like this," Chaerim said, sticking out her tongue in disgust.Â
"Then why'd you ask for it?"
"Mommy says I like peaches." Soonyoung chuckled at this, glancing down at his strawberry sorbet one last time before extending it to the girl seated beside him.
"Here, try mine." She leant forward, biting into the pink dome of sweetness before humming in delight and nodding. Gone was his strawberry, now eating her peach oneâwhich he also didn't really like all that much.Â
She was cozied up into his side, all but devouring her strawberry treat while Soonyoung soaked in the moment. He memorized the way the sun beat down upon them, how the cool breeze passed by and chilled the perspiration settling on their faces. The feeling of fulfillment gripping at his heart just from being with Chaerim, feeling her so close to his side, taking in the radiance she emitted, her happiness that he had managed to instill in her. It was an emotion he never thought existed, but now couldn't get enough. Something only she seemed to awaken in him, and something he'd quite possibly never grow weary of.Â
"DK," She shouted enthusiastically all of the sudden, startling Soonyoung some out of his thoughts.Â
"What's DK?"
"Uncle Seokmin."Â
"How'd you come up with that?"
"It's the letters in his name. Seok and Min."Â
"That's not⊠There's no⊠Okay." She giggled at him, causing him to laugh along with her. Her head pressed into the side of his chest, right along where his heart seemed to beat more obviously by the moment. It was such a perfect moment, and Soonyoung's delusions seemed to continuously feed into that delight, yet something in him nagged incessantly, a voice that seemed to call upon his downfall as his mouth opened. "Chaerim⊠How old are you?"
"I'm turning 4." She proudly raised up four fingers into Soonyoung's sight, and his heart all but shattered alongside the fantasy that had been concocted in his head at the moment.
She was 3. Far too young to have been his child.Â
He didn't understand. There was so much that said otherwise. So many signs that supported his beliefs. So many reasons to prove that she was his daughter. It confused him. It left his heart in fractures. It had this numb feeling quickly settling in, reminding him that he was nothing. That he was delusional to have even thought for a moment Chaerim was his. That he had even the slightest chance of reconnecting with (y/n). That he could ever possibly get this dream life that he had abandoned on his own.Â
"Soonie, I like ice cream. Can we get more later?" He bit his lip, blinking away the tears that threatened to surface and began nodding his head. A grin settled over his face at Chaerim's request, sighing in relief as he was forced back into reality. The reality that although he wasn't her father, he still very much so loved this little girl, and nothing could change that.Â
"Of course, sunshine," he cooed, fingers combing through the thin strands of her jet black hair. "We'll have to get permission from your mommy first. I'm not even sure if I was allowed to do this much."Â
"And when mommy says yes, we can all get ice cream together." Soonyoung's heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of (y/n), but his mind blanked upon the insinuation of her joining them. The three of them all together, spending a day in the park eating ice cream like a little family.Â
His perfect little family.Â
"Yeah. We'll do just that."
"Pinky promise?" She held out her hand to him, pinky jutted out expectantly as she looked up at him.Â
"Pinky promise." He linked his pinky with hers, earning more of her pleased giggles that soothed away all of his anxieties.Â
Time passed by quickly, and soon Soonyoung was waiting at (y/n)'s door, seated on the ground as Chaerim continued talking to him. The elevator they had used to arrive at the apartment chimed, and out rushed a panicked (y/n), eyes manic as she zeroed in on her daughter.Â
"Mommy!" Chaerim called out, rushing over to the woman who dropped to her knees, a sigh of relief puffing out of her as she finally had her daughter back in her arms.Â
"My baby, thank heavens you're alright." Soonyoung smiled fondly at the sight, taking another moment to watch the two before he rose to his feet, garnering (y/n)'s attention.Â
"I'm sorry. I would've called you about the change in plans, but I basically only had Seokmin's number, and Seokmin was preoccupied." She nodded, also standing up with him, Chaerim wrapped in her arms.Â
"I understand," she responded, heading over to her front door. "Could you get my keys out of my bag?"Â
Soonyoung automatically obeyed, fishing out her keys in mere seconds as he unlocked the door for the two. He followed close behind, slipping her bag off her shoulder and allowing her to peacefully reconvene with her daughter in the living room, cradling the young girl for a few more minutes to herself.Â
"Mommy, Soonie picked me up today!"
"I know, that's so fun, isn't it?"
"Yeah! DK was busy, so Soonie came."
"DK?"
"And then we went to the park!" Soonyoung snorted as Chaerim completely ignored (y/n)'s confusion, leaning against the wall and watching (y/n) struggle to keep up with her daughter. "We went to the park and we had ice cream!"
"Ice cream?" She turned to look at Soonyoung, a hint of confusion, but upon seeing him mouth 'sorbet', she nodded in understanding, smiling as she returned to her daughter. "That's exciting! Was it yummy?"
"No!" Chaerim proclaimed proudly, (y/n)'s jaw dropping at the rollercoaster of a conversation happening. "I had peach ice cream first."
"You don't like peaches." Soonyoung had to hold back his laugh, chest quaking with contained cackles, remembering how confidently Chaerim had explained her mom telling her she liked peaches. Though that laughter dissipated, quickly replaced with betrayal as Chaerim continued.Â
"Soonie said I liked peaches." While Soonyoung was about to defend his position, (y/n) merely nodded, already accustomed to Chaerim's inconsistencies as a toddler. "But he gave me his strawberry, and it was really yummy!"Â
"You swapped ice creams?" (y/n) asked, gaze returning to Soonyoung, a ghost of a smile on her lips with that familiar glint of fondness returning to her eyes, a sight that Soonyoung couldn't recall the last time seeing, and it had him shaken to his core right at that moment, stomach twisting in knots and heart pounding against his chest as the emotions swirling in him seemed to awaken from their hibernation.Â
"Yeah we did! We can swap again next time with you!" (y/n) drifted her attention back to Chaerim, that fleeting tender gaze dissipating, soon replaced by confusion once more.Â
"What?"Â
"Soonie and I want you to eat ice cream with us!"
She didn't look back at Soonyoung, merely nodding in agreement and faintly smiling.Â
"Of course, sweetheart. I'll join you guys next time." Before Chaerim could offer her pinky as she did him, (y/n) stood from the couch. "Soonie has to go now though! Go ahead and say goodbye!"Â
(y/n) was already walking away as her daughter whined in protest, darting over to where Soonyoung resided and clinging to his legs.Â
"Soonie, don't go!"
God, he didn't want to. It was the last thing on his mind, especially when he met her glassy eyed stare, a pleading gaze begging him not to leave her. His heart was too weak for this, but he knew he couldn't disobey (y/n)'s decree, and he begrudgingly lowered to his knees, gathering Chaerim in his arms for one last hug.Â
"It's alright, sunshine. There's always another day. I made a promise, didn't I?" With one last squeeze, he pulled away, making sure he looked at her with the most unwaveringly resolute expression he could muster. "And I never break my promises."Â
She giggled and nodded, hugging him again before running off to her room, leaving (y/n) and him alone at the foyer.Â
"I'm really sorry about today," Soonyoung began, quick to break the silence before it grew to be too tense. "Seokmin had that issue with his grandmother, and he forgot to text me Jihyo's addressâ"
"It's okay, Soonyoung. Really." Her voice was soft as she cut him off, hand raised to silence him. "I should be thanking you, to be honest. This is probably the most fun she's had in a long time."Â
"No need to thank me at all." Soonyoung gave a subtle laugh, looking down at his feet bashfully. "Chaerim is the sweetest little girl out there. I had a very good day with her."Â
(y/n) smiled at this, nodding at his words before turning to begin making dinner.Â
"I'm glad. She seems to really like you." She hesitated for a moment, causing mid sentence. "Thank you⊠for giving her your time of day. It really means a lot to us."
"(y/n)..." He knew where her words came from. He could hear it in her tone. The pain. The betrayal. The wounds still fresh from when he had left her that morning. Left her to wake up on her own to an empty bed and no other word from him. Completely and utterly alone. He knew what he had done, and while he regretted it with every fiber of his being, he still stood there, contemplating what he could possibly say to someone he had left behind years and years ago. Because no matter how much he regrets his actions, he can never take it back. "I'm sorry⊠I know it doesn't make up for anything, but truly, I'm genuinely, desperately sorry."
Her eyes were focused on the granite of her countertop, hands shaking while clenched together on the surface. She was holding so much in, and it killed Soonyoung. Knowing he had left her this way. That he reduced her to this state.
"It's fine. It's in the past." Her voice was steady and calm, a contrast to her physical appearance where she seemed to be barely holding herself up. But in typical (y/n) fashion, she looked up at him, all emotion stowed away as she greeted him with that professional facade of hers; the one that she used on everyone to hide how she truly felt. The facade that she had never once directed to him because he could see right through it every time. And it hurt. Seeing how she couldn't even bear to share even a fragment of emotion to him anymore, as if last night's crying fest between the two was for nothing. He hated it. Indifference felt even colder than the sting of hatred. He'd much rather have preferred she loathed him to the depths of his soul, yet she just waved it off, smiling and making her way around him and to her door. "New era, new me. There's no use in holding grudges or holding on to the past. I appreciate everything you've done for Chaerim today. But I'm sure she's taken up quite a bit of your day, and I wouldn't want to waste anymore of your time."
The door was wide open before Soonyoung could even get a say in, and he unwillingly walked out of the apartment, steps slow and dragging as he passed by (y/n) avoiding his stare by focusing on the floor beneath them.Â
"IâŠ" Soonyoung spoke as he passed the threshold of their home, turning around before (y/n) could start closing the door. She looked up at him, brows furrowed together warily at what he could possibly want. "Can I⊠take Chaerim out some days while I'm here?" Her mouth fell open, but nothing came out, merely shocked to hear Soonyoung's preposition. "I don't have any plans this month, and I really did enjoy my time with her. And I'll take good care of her. That is, only if we have your permission, of course."Â
"I'll⊠I'll have to see how she feels about this. You know, since it's also her opinion on the matter."
"Of course." Soonyoung hesitated for a moment, biting his lip in thought, but he urged himself to push forward. "Can I⊠give you my number? So we can stay in contact about⊠Chaerim?"Â
"SoonyoungâŠ" She was tongue-tied to say the least, fumbling over noncommittal words and syllables, trying to get herself out of this situation, but to no avail. It brought a smile to his face as she pulled out her phone and handed it to him, because he did have a point. As a mother, she wouldn't want what happened today to happen again. Yes, Soonyoung was playing on her natural maternal instincts, but he meant well nevertheless.Â
With their numbers exchanged, she bid him farewell, thanking him one last time before allowing the door to fall closed behind her. And Soonyoung walked out of that apartment building triumphantly, pleased with himself and how his day had gone. His heart felt more full than it ever had before, all because he had the knowledge of (y/n)'s number stored into his phone. It was a silly thing, but something that had him beaming to himself as he took a moment to stare at her contact in his car. He felt like a schoolboy all over again, gushing about his crush who had given him the bare minimum, but God did the bare minimum feel like everything he's ever wanted in life.Â
He was snapped out of his revelry with his phone vibrating in hand, Seokmin's contact taking over his screen with an incoming call.Â
"Hello?" Soonyoung answered.Â
"Soonyoung, hey! It's Seokmin. I just wanted to check up on how everything's going. My grandma got checked up, she just has a few bruises that should clear up in a few weeks. Car doesn't look too good, but at least she's fine."
"That's great!" Soonyoung sighed for his friend, smiling at the good news. "I'm glad to hear everything is okay. As for me, today went well. I picked up Chaerim and took her to the park. We had some sorbets together, walked around a bit, and I just finished dropping her off at (y/n)'s."Â
"Awesome, I seriously owe you, dude."
"No, you don't." Soonyoung's eyes glanced up to (y/n)'s floor, comfortingly smiling at whatever the girls could be up to at this time. "I honestly owe you, if we're being honest."
"Ah, you see what I mean?" Seokmin spoke in a teasing manner, and Soonyoung could already envision the shit eating grin across his friend's face. "Isn't she the sweetest thing ever. I love hanging out with her."Â
"I do, too," Soonyoung confessed, eyes slowly moving down from the apartment building, naturally landing on his rearview mirror with a clear image of Chaerim's now empty booster seat. "Listen, Seokmin, I have a⊠serious question to ask you."Â
"Shoot, what's up?"
"Who's Chaerim's father?"Â
The line was dead silent with only the natural buzz of feedback to greet his ears. His hand clenched at the wheel, waiting for Seokmin's words which seemed to be far too delayed for his taste. As if this silence would stretch on for another eon with Soonyoung wasting away, waiting in anticipation for his answer, only hoping it's the one he wants.Â
"I don't know," Seokmin responded, his tone growing grave with his words. "I'm not sure⊠But I mean, Jihyo is basically her dad. We like to joke around that she's more of a dad than an aunt to the girl, you know what I mean?" Soonyoung pursed his lips, easily seeing how Seokmin redirected the conversation. But he didn't dwell on that, nodding to himself at his friend's excuse of an answer.Â
"Yeah, I get you. Jihyo is a real one."Â
"I actually have to go and deal with her now, because I had like 20 missed calls from her and I called you first to delay the inevitable when I have to call her back." Soonyoung expelled some air from his nose in a soft, breathy laugh.Â
"I wish you luck, my friend."Â
"Thank you, I'll be needing it. I'll pick you up at 8 tonight. Sounds good?"
"Sounds good to me."
Soonyoung may have drank too much last night. And he may have woken up with a hangover so bad that even laying on his pillow had his head pounding. All of this may hold true, but none of it stopped Soonyoung from downing some painkillers and heading out to the daycare, far too excited to even consider the pain throbbing at his skull. Because through all of the agony he had woken to, there was one shining light at the end of the dim tunnel; a text from (y/n), saying that both she and Chaerim had consented to him picking her up and spending the day with her.Â
He was lucky that the other guys were just as drunk as him, Seokmin not even reading Soonyoung's message telling him he was going to be busy that dayâperhaps still knocked out after their rambunctious night, one that Soonyoung struggled to remember.Â
He could only remember glimpses of memories here and there. Joshua pulling a Gatorade out of his backpack and mixing it with his shot, attracting the attention of passersby who also wanted a douse of Gatorade infused in their liquor. He remembered Seokmin trying to front flip on the karaoke stage and failing miserably, laying there flat on his back as the instrumental to Call Me Maybe continued playing in the background. He remembered Mingyu and Chan trying to impress girls by using their strength in quite possibly the dumbest way Soonyoung had ever seen being attempted; Chan trying to do pull ups on Mingyu's arms who desperately flexed to try and hold the boy upâthough it did manage to impress many guys at the bar, and they made quite a few gym friends along the way.
He was just grateful he managed to find his way home somehow in one piece, and made it a reminder to check on the others later in the day when they've likely recovered. But for now, he was on his way to the daycare, ready to retrieve Chaerim early so they could be together for even longer today.Â
The pick up was much like the day before, though this time, Soonyoung came before naptime and was greeted by many smiling faces playing together in the next room. The lady came to greet him once more as Chaerim clung to him again, and soon they were off.Â
"Where are we going today, Soonie!" She shouted from where she sat, inside voice out the window as she kicked her feet excitedly once more. The sight warmed his heart, the small mirrored image of her in his rearview mirror sparking this wholesome comfort in his heart, a fond smile stretching across his face.Â
"I haven't decided yet, sunshine," he replied. "We can go to the zooâ"
"The zoo!" She cried enthusiastically, the shrillness of her voice somewhat grating on his ear, triggering another throbbing sensation in his head, though he shook it off with a wince and a shrug. "I want the zoo, Soonie! I want the zoo!"
"Or we can go to the mall and I can buy you whatever you want."
She grew quiet all of a sudden, startling Soonyoung who quickly glanced at his rearview mirror to see the girl staring off into oblivion, mouth ajar and eyes glazed over. She sat there completely motionless for a few seconds, and Soonyoung was about to pull over to check on her when she suddenly sat up again.Â
"Soonie buys me toys at the zoo."Â
He blinked at her proposition, but nevertheless nodded with a laugh.Â
"Sounds like a plan. Good job finding a compromise so quickly."Â
"What's a com-pom-rise?"Â
The remainder of the journey was repetitive, to say the least, with Chaerim babbling nonsensically, hitting Soonyoung with unexpected questions as if to keep him on track with her discussions, singing songs together, and at some point she dozed off for five minutes before waking up fully energized.Â
And the zoo was as good an idea as ever, perhaps better than it had gone in his head when he had been deliberating on potential places to take the young girl. Her smile seemed to never fade throughout the day, a permanent fixture on her face as he brought her to each and every animal they had to offer. He'd hold her up to get a better view of the monkeys, summarize what the tour guides said in words she'd understand, even had his arm wrapped around her the entire time she was in the petting zoo, far too wary to approach any of the animals on her own.
All the while, he snapped photos of her and him, sending them to (y/n) to keep her updated. It felt bittersweet to have her on speed dial once more. Accessible to him at any moment in time. He'd remember them texting each other at night, using up all of their minutes just to be with the other. And later on, they'd call each other for hours at a time, his face pressed into the pillow and his phone resting on his ear, dozing off to the sound of her absent-minded humming. Though again, they were merely memories at this point. And he was reminded of that as he sent her the next batch of images, the last one staring back at him almost mockingly.
One where his face was pressed against Chaerim's, the both of them sporting the same toothy smile, cheeks puffed with joy and eyes crinkled into slits. While the fact still remainedâthat being Chaerim is not his biological childâhe couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort looking at the image. A sort of reminder of what could have been. That this little girl is what his child with (y/n) would've looked like had he not thrown everything away.
"Soonie," said little girl called up to him, tugging at the hem of his shirt to summon his attention. "I'm tired."Â
That's right, he picked her up before naptime. Not only that, but they've been walking around the zoo for a few hours now. Of course she's bound to be tired, she's still practically a baby. He could probably find a quiet spot where she can nap. She can use his jacket as a blanket and his lap as a pillow. Would that be sufficient enough? What if it's too sunny out for her to nap? Is there a place that's even quiet enough? What if she collapses on him out of exhaustion?Â
Another tug at his shirt has him crouching to her height almost immediately, and Chaerim took the opportunity to latch onto his neck, scrambling into his arms so when he stood again, she was safely nestled against him. As if through magic, her touch settled the frenzied thoughts swirling in his head, silencing his incessant doubts and worries with a simple hug. The ends of her pigtails tickled beneath his jaw, grounding him and bringing a smile to his face.Â
This must've been what it felt like to be a father. The thought harrowing, the responsibilities debilitating, worries for your child being an inevitable occurrence with every waking moment. Yet at the end of the day, when you had them in your arm, feeling their comforting weight against you, it was like there was nothing to even worry about. Like all of those struggles endured were worth it in the end. Like nothing else in the world mattered, as long as they were safe and happy. This fulfilling sense of harmony like the calm after the storm, the remedy to his qualms, the spark of warmth in an otherwise frigid wasteland.
What power such a tiny human held, one that he had only met some few days ago, yet one that he found himself loving wholeheartedly, willing to throw everything away if that's what she asked of him. There they sat on a secluded bench, his jacket draped on her back as she dozed off on his shoulder. The hanging branches above them offered a generous amount of shade, yet those pesky rays of light that peeked through the leaves threatened Chaerim's rest, so Soonyoung sat there with his hand hovering over her face, making sure nothing disturbed her peace. His arm ached and his shoulder had long gone numb from keeping its position, though he found he couldn't care less about these minor inconveniences.Â
Not when his little sunshine was sleeping calmly against him, her steady breaths puffing against his neck as her fists weakly pawed at his shirt.Â
The zoo trip finally reached its conclusion, Chaerim strapped into her car seat between her new flamingo, giraffe, and tiger toys, who were also strapped into their seats. The latter was a given, Soonyoung already snagging it from its hook and adding it to her pile. She didn't complain though, if her talking to her new tiger was any indication. On the way home, she had already bestowed upon it the noble name of Stripey, as well as an entire backstory about Stripey having fled from her wartorn kingdom before the enemy lion troops were to capture her, taking refuge in the zoo until Chaerim came to her rescue.
Soonyoung was very invested, on the edge of his seat whenever she hit him with yet another plot twist to the convoluted story, to the point that he hadn't even realized he'd made it to the apartment building until he had actually parked, nor did he truly acknowledge the situation at hand until Chaerim had rapped her knuckles against the door once they had reached the apartment itself.Â
Moments later, the door opened, and there stood (y/n) in all of her glory. It was idiotic how absolutely awestruck Soonyoung was every time he saw. How enamored he was with her whenever he so much as stood in her presence. The impact she had on him still to this day something that astonished him, though at the same time didn't necessarily surprise him, as she had lingered in his mind practically every day since the moment he first met her.Â
Soonyoung stood in sheer wonderment as usual, though was suddenly sent hurtling into a completely different sense of astoundment as she blessed him with a smile. A warm and genuine grin with tinges of bittersweet poignancy at its edges. It wasn't that conflicted, distant gaze she usually looked at him with, watching him as one would an exhibit of sorts. It felt new, yet comfortingly familiar in a way. As if slowly but surely, her exterior was melting away.Â
"Mommy!" Chaerim shouted, squirming out of Soonyoung's arms the moment (y/n) appeared. She managed to wrangle the little girl from Soonyoung's wavering grip, chuckling to herself at the fear that flashed Soonyoung's eyes the moment he thought he'd drop Chaerim. He was left to trail after the two, right arm still clutching the three stuffed animals and the small gift shop bag. All the while, Chaerim babbled on to her mother about the entirety of her day.Â
Soonyoung was leant against the wall as the two girls sat themselves on the couch, the scene similar to the day before, yet also vastly different. The setting sun's rays seeping in through the windows no longer felt like an anxious conclusion to the day, though instead a hopeful end. One where Soonyoung could rest assured that he wasn't being completely removed from the equation. He couldn't really pinpoint it, but it felt as if something changed. As if turning a new leaf. Watching the girls talk hadn't felt like he was intruding on a private conversation, but instead spectating the amusing scene of a toddler desperately strewing words together to describe the events of the zoo to her mother.Â
"And thenâand then Soonie and I went to see the rhinos, and they were like this big," she exclaimed excitedly, tossing her arms open to indicate the sheer size of the animals mentioned. (y/n) nodded, undoing Chaerim's pigtails and combing through her locks. "And then we saw the giraffes and they were even bigger!"
"No way," (y/n) responded, triggering another surge of excitement from the little girl who insisted vehemently on the giraffe's staggering height. Soonyoung rested his head against the wall, a wide smile stretched across his face. (y/n) glanced over at him, biting back her own smile while Chaerim continued.
Something had changed. A shift in the atmosphere that was unlike yesterday's. It felt almost unfair that Soonyoung couldn't narrow down what exactly it was, yet either way he was immensely grateful, especially as (y/n) redirected her attention to him, dismissing Chaerim for now. She stood from the couch, walking into the kitchen, and Soonyoung naturally followed after her, no words needed.Â
"Looks like she had fun," (y/n) stated, an entertained laugh slipping out at the end of her sentence.
"She did, I'm glad to see that." Soonyoung glanced into the living room where the aforementioned little girl watched her cartoons in an almost dazed state. "I was worried she wouldn't like it."Â
"Please, she got to see animals and she got toys at the end of it all. You couldn't have made her happier." She briefly opened the fridge, pulling out a sealed container before placing it on the island countertop. Soonyoung glanced between it and her for a few moments, not understanding the sudden appearance of the item, but with a roll of her eyes, (y/n) slid it closer to him. "Hangover soup."Â
Soonyoung's mouth fell open, eyes widening some as he hesitantly brought the dish closer.Â
"How did you know?" She looked at him with amused confusion, as if the answer to the question was obvious. Nonetheless, she shrugged with a smirk.Â
"Maybe a little birdie told me you all were getting wasted last night." Soonyoung giggled some, thoughts returning to his friend who most likely is dealing with the same pain as him. He'd be sure to share this with Seokmin when he sees him next.Â
"Thank you. Really. You didn't have to do all this."
"Of course I did." She waved him off dismissively, faux exasperation at his humility. His lips pursed into a thin line, fingers fiddling with the twine loops of the gift bag before finally lifting it and placing it on the counter with a soft thud. It was now her turn to look between the bag and him expectantly, only for him to follow her prior movements, sliding the bag across the counter much the same as the soup.Â
Hesitatingly, she took the item, the light touch of her fingers causing the dense paper material to crinkle under her. She wore an appreciative, yet otherwise curious, smile as she fished out whatever resided in the bag, lifting it from its bed of wrapping and into the light.Â
A small white leather box, unassuming in presentation, to the point that she hadn't even spared a second thought before opening it, unveiling a pair of pearl earrings. Her mouth fell agape, a small gasp leaving past her lips. She stared for a moment more at the jewelry before looking back up at Soonyoung.Â
"The zoo had an area where they bred oysters," he explained, his voice coming out softer than intended, yet even so still feeling out of place in the otherwise quiet atmosphere with only the sounds of children's cartoons offering a low humming white noise in the background. She turned back to the earrings, a finger tracing over the smooth surface of the item at hand. "I hope you still like pearls. I saw them and thought of you."Â
"I love them." Her response came as quietly as his own, though her voice had a crack in it that had Soonyoung's brows raising in concern. Meeting his gaze again proved his suspicions correct, her eyes now glassy with a pout on her lip as she clutched the box closer to her chest.Â
"Aww, baby, don't cry." Soonyoung let out a laugh, body moving instinctively as he opened his arms. It wasn't until she had already shuffled into his embrace, whining into his chest and quietly releasing her tears, that he realized what he'd done. Though feeling her against him, the warmth of her tears against his shirt, that soothing aroma of hers that always calmed his nerves, the weight of her head pressing into him, quelled the worries in his heart. Like mother, like daughter, the two girls holding such an authority over him to be able to sway his every thought and his every emotion. For the next few minutes, he reveled in whatever comfort he could acquire, arms squeezing (y/n) to him as she mumbled her thanks to the man.Â
For once, Soonyoung felt a sense of completion, more sated holding (y/n) than he had been at his own graduation. His lips twitched into a smile, and he was sure (y/n) must have heard the beating of his heart kick up with every passing moment, though she didn't comment on it. Chaerim had begun singing the songs on her show, and the orange glow of the setting sun continued basking them in its warm honey-like ambience.Â
For once in his both hectic and monotonous life, he felt a stability he feared he'd never experience, the key to his peace resting in the hands of (y/n) herself. As if he had strayed from his intended path, only to veer back to her. Like no matter how far you throw a rock into the air, it's bound to return to the earth below it. No matter how far he fled from home, no matter how distant he grew from her, he'd always find his way back to (y/n). Like it was meant to be. And as he cradled her to him, he knew it was because it truly was meant to be.
He didn't know for how long he'd stood there holding (y/n), rocking them back and forth calmly as they embraced one another, though it was the sound of the apartment door opening that brought them back to reality, regrettably separating as Jihyo waltzed in. She had a look of surprise on her face for a moment, but offered Soonyoung a kind smile in greeting.Â
"I should head out," Soonyoung quietly spoke, turning back to (y/n) after waving to Jihyo.Â
"I'll walk you out," she replied, already walking out of the kitchen and into the main hall.
Soonyoung made a brief detour to the living room, crouching in front of the couch where Chaerim resided.Â
"I'm heading out now." Chaerim immediately threw herself at him, causing Soonyoung to briefly huff at the sudden action.Â
"I want Soonie to stay."Â
"I can't, sunshine. We'll hang out again tomorrow, yeah?"
"Zoo?"
"I was thinking we could go to the aquarium. We can see more water animals." She gasped, pulling herself away from him to nod enthusiastically. Soonyoung laughed, nodding along with her and promising to pick her up from daycare again. Though before he could stand up, she grabbed him again, dragging him closer to her.Â
"Come to my birthday," she insisted, practically vibrating with excitement. "It's really soon. Mommy says the 17th. Come to my birthday."Â
"Okay, sunshine, I'm there."
She finally let him go, smiling as he walked back to the hallway where Jihyo and (y/n) stood. Jihyo bid Soonyoung a brief goodbye before heading to the living room with Chaerim.Â
"I can't thank you enough for taking care of Chaerim, and for my earrings." (y/n) fiddled with the box still in her hand, and Soonyoung couldn't help but to grin at her shyness.Â
"Of course. Nothing but the best for you both."Â
"And thank you for the pictures⊠I really liked them."Â
"I'm glad to hear." He felt his cheeks warming under her attention, bashfully looking down at his feet. "I'll send more tomorrow. We're going to the aquarium."Â
"Oh, she's going to love that."
There was a pause between them, a silence as they looked at each other one last time. Soonyoung couldn't help but to smile whilst admiring her, remembering how he'd zone out in class and miss the entire lesson because he was staring at the back of her head. Old habits die hard.Â
A sudden holler from the living room drew their attention back to the present, snickering at Chaerim's hoots of laughter from beyond the apartment. Though it reminded Soonyoung of what had happened some few moments ago.Â
"Chaerim invited me to her birthday." (y/n) smiled at this, nodding her head at his words.Â
"Yeah, it's coming up in just a few days. It's just going to be a little get together with Jihyo, Seokmin, and I. Maybe some of the guys, but who knows. We'd love to have you over."Â
"I'd love to attend. So this is me RSVPing for that."Â
"I'll be sure to write your name on the list of attendees." They shared another laugh together.
Soonyoung couldn't believe how light it felt to be with her today. That agonizingly taxing weight which once lingered over him in her presence now all but dissipated. He couldn't tell what had happened, but God he'd be lying if he said he wasn't eternally grateful for such a turn of events.
The glee in this revelation remained with him as he drove home, and also as he ate all of the hangover soup, changing his mind about sharing with Seokmin, keeping (y/n)'s gift all to himself.Â
"Bullshit!" Chan shouted, already whipping his hand out towards the messily strewn pile of cards at the center of the table. Flipping over the first two of the pile revealed an ace and a tenânot the two aces that Jeonghan had initially declared.Â
The man groaned to himself as he dragged the entire pile over, causing Chan to victoriously raise his arms up in the air. Beside him, Mingyu patted his back while Seokmin hyped him up, the two sporting encouraging smiles for the youngest's achievement. With a new round starting, Soonyoung grabbed two from his hand and placed them at the now barren center.Â
"Two aces," he announced, leaning back and refusing to meet anyone's perceptive stare. No matter how drunk they got, they somehow always remained vigilant when it came down to Bullshit.Â
"One two," Wonwoo muttered afterwards, dropping a card into the newly accumulating pile.Â
"Two threes," Jihoon leant forward to join with his addition, leaning back seconds after and absentmindedly reorganizing the cards in his hand currently, unaware of the six other men staring at him in disbelief.Â
"Um⊠Bullshit?" Seokmin mumbled confusedly, causing Jihoon to finally peek over and see that the two supposed threes he'd dropped were instead face up, revealing instead a three and a nine.Â
"Noâ Waitâ Don't look at that." He dove forward to retrieve his cards, but he knew it was too late as the lot all erupted into laughter, shouting out Jihoon's slip up and pushing the slim pile over to him. "I hate this game. Why are we even playing this game? I don't want to play this game. Let's play Uno."Â
"Like that's any less ruthless," Jeonghan grumbled, brandishing his hand which made up a good chunk of the 52 count deck of theirs. Jihoon took another swig of his beer, irate at the turn of events.
"Someone better win soon then, or I'm leaving the party early."Â
"Don't worry," Chan stood to his feet, chair scraping back as he assumed a heroic pose. He raised his hand up, a single card resting between his two fingers. "I've got that covered." He gently placed the card at the center of the table, his voice just as soft as he announced. "One four."
Vernon glanced down at his cards, brow raising as he glanced from his hand to Chan. His mouth had momentarily opened, but before he could call the boy out on his fib, Jihoon all but tossed his cards ceremoniously onto the table, clapping and monotonously cheering for the winner of the game.Â
"Hooray, good job. Seokmin, get your Uno."Â
As the new game was starting, Seokmin dealing out everyone's seven cards, Soonyoung's phone buzzed against his lap. With one last tentative sip of his drink, not wanting to go through another terrible hangover so soon, he pulled out his phone under the table. Almost immediately, his expression brightened, putting down his drink and scooting out from the table.Â
"Excuse me, I have to take this," he quickly stated, shuffling away from the rowdy bunch and into the hall. The noise was muted some here, just enough that he could probably talk peacefully on the phone, though if not, Seokmin's bedroom door was right there next to him. With one last sigh, he swiped on the incoming call, voice unexpectedly wavering as he answered. "Hello?"
"Soonie!" The familiar shrill voice of Chaerim momentarily surprised him, though his shock washed away rather quickly.Â
"Hello, sunshine! How are you?" Soonyoung already found himself slipping into the aforementioned bedroom, knowing his voice would carry over to where the others resided.Â
"I'm good!"
With the formalities over and out of the way, she began spewing out near nonsense supposedly telling Soonyoung about her day from what he could decipher. He hummed affirmatively and responded when need be, though for the most part just sat there with a dopey smile as the little girl continued on with her speech. From beyond her voice, Soonyoung could hear (y/n) in the background, giggling to herself as Chaerim talked, and it had Soonyoung biting his lip, his cheeks aching with the sheer breadth of his grin.Â
"Soonie, you didn't pick me up today," she noted randomly.Â
"I know, sweet pea, it's the weekend. Don't you want to spend time with your mommy?"Â
"No, I'm okay." Soonyoung laughed as (y/n) whined at her daughter's quick dismissal of her, even more so when (y/n) began seemingly wrestling the child for the phone back. "No! I want Soonie! No!"Â
"Soonie, she's so mean to me. Where are you? Why aren't you here?"Â
"I'm at Uncle Seokmin's house."
"I want to go to Uncle Seokmin's house. I want to be with Soonie." His heart felt so incredibly full, his hand clenching over where the organ was beating. She was too precious for this world, he thought. If he hadn't already had a drink or two, he'd be driving over to the apartment to reunite with Chaerim right then and there. Though with some forced restraint, he tethered himself back to reality, pouting at his newfound maturity.Â
"I can't, Soonie isn't feeling very well right now."Â
"Oh no! Why are you sick?"
"I drank some⊠icky water⊠and now I'm too weak to drive over to you."Â
"Soonie, don't die." Her voice was suddenly so terribly sad, and Soonyoung immediately regretted his words.Â
"No, I'm just feeling a little sick! I'm not big sick!"
"The icky water made Soonie's tummy hurt. You know how tummy aches feel, right?" (y/n) began explaining, earning a sound of acknowledgement from the little girl who quickly returned to the phone.Â
"Soonie, it's okay, I get tummy aches, too. It's okay, it's okay."Â
"Thank you, sweetie. I'll be sure to feel better before your birthday."Â
He could hear (y/n) whispering to Chaerim, her voice quiet as she told Chaerim to say goodnight to him.Â
"Goodnight, Soonie! I can't wait to see you on my birthday! I miss you!"
"I miss you, too."
"I love you."Â
If his heart had felt full before, it was practically overflowing now, that overabundance of warmth now seeping into his stomach, gripping him with its comfort and bringing a flush to his face.Â
"I love you, too, sunshine."Â
There was some commotion on the other line, the two quietly speaking to each other, though now Soonyoung couldn't really decipher it. He just sat there, permanent smile on his face, still reeling over Chaerim's farewell. It felt nice. To be loved by this little girl that he had already accepted he loved back with all of his heart. It felt gratifying, that of all people, Chaerim came to love him.Â
"Hey," (y/n)'s voice sounded from the phone.Â
"Hi." He found himself looking down at the floor, socked feet fiddling with the carpet beneath him, brushing it back and forth and toying with the opposing shades it created.
After a little over a week, it still felt so surreal to hear (y/n) again. To be near her. To be able to actually talk to her. As if his six year drought had come to an end with her monsoon-like return. As if she brought life back to his otherwise desolate form. He felt more alive these last few days than he has in the half decade he's been away. He was beginning to feel concerned for himself, because he honestly couldn't even remember the past six years he's been gone, all of it like a numbing fever dream where he'd survived on autopilot alone.
But now he was present. He felt himself again. He felt like a human being. As dependent as it may sound, (y/n) made him who he was, and he was nothing without her.Â
"Sorry about that. She refused to go to sleep until she saw Soonie today."Â
"I don't mind. It did feel weird today not seeing her."Â
"You spoil her too much. She still refuses to let go of her manta ray stuffed animal since you got it for her at the aquarium." Soonyoung chuckled at this, remembering that day fondly.Â
"That's surprising, considering she was terrified to even approach the stingray petting area." (y/n) laughed, remembering the picture Soonyoung sent her of him smiling at the camera while Chaerim was red faced and crying next to the said animal petting area.Â
"Says the guy who had to be protected by that same little girl when you both went to the circus."
"Hey." Soonyoung's quick interjection had (y/n) bursting into another fit of giggles. "Those clowns were terrifying. She was a brave soul that day. I wouldn't have come out alive."Â
"Of course, I understand."
"Well, we'll see who's talking when we take you to an amusement park for the rollercoasters." She gasped at his threat, her voice dropping into a pained whisper soon after.Â
"You wouldn't dare."
"I would, you know I would."Â
"I'm being abused by both my daughter and you, I can't handle this."Â
His heart felt light, soaring about frivolously without a care in the world. This dark mass which once clung to it had slowly but surely faded away, taking with it the dense murkiness it once obscured Soonyoung's life with. Those butterflies in his stomach fluttered with it, joyous and abundant after their long hibernation, dormant until (y/n) had come back into the picture.Â
Her voice spoke to him like a lullaby, soft and tranquil as she chatted faintly, words light and breathy and weaving together into incoherency, though he didn't really mind, reminded of the days they'd do just this until they passed out.Â
"(y/n), you're tired," Soonyoung uttered, to which she hummed in consideration.Â
"I am."
"You should go to sleep." There was an ache in his heart, sending her off so early, though he couldn't keep her to himself all night. She was busy, and sleep was practically a rare commodity to her.Â
Silence settled over the two, with only the grainy feedback of the phone call to occupy them, yet Soonyoung still found it to be comforting merely knowing she was on the other line. He'd probably stay on the phone with her all night like this if he could, but he really should let her go.Â
"I don't want to." Her response was low, a whisper into the phone, as if having uttered something she shouldn't have. His breath stuttered, body stiffening while his heart seized in on itself, thudding against his chest to the point that it almost ached. And with the undeniable warmth coursing through his veins at the moment, he couldn't help but grin to himself, clutching the phone tighter in his hand.
"I don't want you to either."
She hummed appreciatively at this, a content thrum against his ear, and for a moment, he was beside her. He was laying there, her hair fanning out against her pillow, eyes slid shut with the faintest trace of a smile gracing her lips. He could feel her breath against his skin, her presence like an otherworldly comfort. He could hear her breathing growing steadier by the minute as they basked in the silence. Telltale sign of her drifting off. And the thought seemed to come to him naturally, like an old record that still played the same tune as he began rambling.Â
"The guys are playing Uno in the other room. We were playing BS, but Jihoon lost his patience a bit." He heard a slight chuckle on her side, though one that hadn't deterred her already tired state. "I'm pretty sure he's still losing his patience. Uno is much worse than BS. I'll text you the details tomorrow once I go out there again later." He leant back, laying flat on Seokmin's bed with his phone still pressed to his cheek. "I already got Chaerim her gift. I don't know if I should tell you. I think you'll get mad at me. But Chaerim will like it at least. I know she will."
He paused for a moment, thoughts still whirling in his head. He chuckled to himself thinking about his gift, the mental image of Chaerim using it already playing in his head.
Chaerim.Â
"I really did miss my little sunshine today. I know we've hung out everyday, but it still feels lonely without her. On the bright side, I already know where I'm taking her next. I think she'd like the ice skating rink. The one we used to go to."
Memories came to him. Memories of that very rink. Of his friends and him all busting their ass more than once. Jun clinging to the plexiglass paneling on the rink's perimeter. Jihoon teetering with his legs and arms spread out as far as possible. Chan accidentally learning to skate backwards first. Soonyoung struggling to grasp the concept of ice skating, clinging to (y/n) like his life depended on it. Really, it did. And she'd just laugh and let him hold her, his arms wrapped around her body with his head resting on her shoulders, and she'd skate them around while Soonyoung just cradled her to him.Â
He hasn't skated in years. Not since (y/n). He didn't even realize this until this very moment.Â
"Maybe I should hold out on the skating rink for another day. I don't think I can actually skate. I never really learned." He pursed his lips, blinking back his sadness. "I never learned because once I did, it would mean I wouldn't need you anymore. I wouldn't be able to hold you like I did. It would've just taken away one of the ways I showed my love to you." The blinking was becoming redundant as he felt his eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. "But it was kinda pointless in the end since I was the one that took away our love. Since I was the one that gave up."Â
He scoffed as he felt the first tear slip by, as if he even deserved to cry at this point. Though once the second and the third slipped by, that indignant irritation disappeared, leaving behind the raw sadness that had been plaguing him for years. He frowned, staring at the popcorn ceiling above him. It looked like (y/n)'s ceiling growing up.
He was reminded of those sleepless nights when she'd jostle him awake, either anxious with her thoughts or scared from a nightmare, and he'd lay awake with her. They'd rest their heads against one another as she talked to him, released her thoughts so they were no longer trapped in her head. And he'd comfort her with words or cuddles. He'd point at the textured ceiling staring down from above them, making constellations and telling her whatever convoluted story he'd make up on the spot. Until she had fallen asleep peacefully to the sound of his voice, a smile on her face as he kissed her goodnight before falling asleep himself.Â
Staring up at that very ceiling, the replacement for their city's light polluted sky, only served to make him cry harder. He shook his head at the thought, at his words he'd only just uttered.Â
"I gave up our relationship like a fucking idiot," he muttered, voice wrought with emotion, wavering with the tension in his throat. "But I never gave up our love. Never once in my life have I ever stopped loving you. And I never will. Even after you've moved on, I'll still be here, knowing that I lost my soulmate the night I walked away. The night I left you." He bit his lip at the memory, sniffling as softly as he could. From the sound of her breathing, he knew she was asleep, yet he kept going. "That was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. Leaving you was a mistake, but it was just⊠atrocious of me to leave you alone in my bed like that. I should've done better. I should've said goodbye to you personally like I had wanted to." A sob slipped past his lips for a moment, but he brought his fist up to his mouth, concealing the despair that seeped out of him with every word. "I shouldn't have even left you in the first place."
He moved to wipe his tears, smiling through the pain as he heard the deep steady breaths on the other line, anchoring him back to the present.Â
"I love you," he admitted, a laugh following at the end of it. "I love you so much. More than I could ever even try to explain. I love you." His hand flew up to his hair, tugging at the strands as more tears flooded his eyes, that agonized smile stretching further across his face. "I love the way you haven't changed over the years. I love the way you still make me happy. I love how strong and intelligent you are. I love how you still show your love through different means. I love that you made me soup when I was hungover. I love that you wear those pearl earrings I got you everyday. I love how you still fall asleep to my voice. I love Chaerim. I love your little family." Another shaky breath, and the tension which had built up over the course of his confession unraveled, his body going limp, and that smile slackened until it was truly genuine. A genuine, gentle, ever so loving, absolutely enamored smile as he let it all go. As he accepted his flaws. His mistakes from the past. His frenzied emotions. His absolute, undeniable, to the moon sort of love he held for (y/n). "I love you."Â
The last few minutes of the call were spent with Soonyoung silently crying, letting out the last shreds of despair wracking his body. Her breathing soothed his tormented heart, reminding him of the constant she was to him. That anchor in his life he so desperately needed, tethering him to her lest he stray wayward once more. He felt that tug once more. That urge to run directly to her. To watch her peaceful form beside him, memorizing every line and every detail of her face, tracing the outlines of her form carefully with his eyes, until he had it all ingrained in his mind where he'd then fall asleep, pressing a kiss to her forehead before drifting off.Â
"Goodnight, my love," he muttered, which was all he could do at this point, smiling warmly as he took in the last remnants of her presence before he'd have to leave. "Sweet dreams."Â
The game had all but stopped once Soonyoung had come back an hour later with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes, face red and puffy, all the while attempting to act as nonchalant as possible, as if he hadn't just walked out of the most devastating experience he'd ever encountered.Â
"You good?" Chan was the first to break the silence, eyebrow raised in concern at the state of his elder. Soonyoung nodded.Â
"Yeah, why?" His voice cracked, as if the cherry on top to this entire fiasco.Â
"Who was that on the phone?" Wonwoo was the next to speak, fiddling with the cards in his hands.Â
"Oh, it was just (y/n) and Chaerim."
The boys uttered a collective 'ah' in understanding, returning to their game as if nothing had happened. That is except Jihoon, taking another gulp of beer with a sigh followed after.Â
"You know what, this is good," Jihoon announced aloud. Jeonghan absentmindedly hummed at him to continue, all the while dropping his card on the pile at the table's center. "Let it all out, talk to each other. So much unresolved tension that's finally getting closure." He pointed to Soonyoung, eyebrows furrowed seriously. "It's about time you two made up."
"He's right," Vernon spoke up, putting his cards face down before him. "You guys⊠personally founded romance or something. You're our modern day Romeo and Juliet." He placed his hands on his chest, looking around the table for support as he continued. "I was honestly devastated when they broke up. Cause like if they can't work out, what hope do we have?" Chan nodded at this, pursing his lips in understanding. Wonwoo similarly mimicked this, lips downturned as he confirmed Vernon's words. "You need her. She needs you. You both need each other. It just doesn't make sense to have one without the other. You know what I'm saying?"Â
"You two were made for each other!" Jihoon cried out passionately, slapping down a draw four and causing Jeonghan's jaw to slacken at his audacity.Â
Soonyoung was flustered at all the attention on him, and was ever so grateful when the game returned to its original state before he had intervened. Beside him, Seokmin patted his back, as if knowing Soonyoung was riddled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Though really it was pretty one dimensional where his stance had settled.Â
He loved (y/n). He loved Chaerim. He loved them both. God, he wanted them both. But he's been far too greedy in his life. And at this point, he's willing to take whatever (y/n) was willing to offer him.
Soonyoung knocked on the door excitedly, biting back his smile as he heard Chaerim's familiar holler from within the apartment. A few moments later, the door opened, revealing a smiling Jihyo donning a pink party hat.Â
"Hey Soonyoung! Come onâ" She stopped talking once she looked down and saw the gigantic box at his feet. It had barely even fit through the door and required both of them cooperating with one another to manage it through. "What the hell did you buy this little girl?"Â
"Soonie!" Said little girl came barreling out of a room down the hall, hurdling herself into his arms at full velocity.
"Chaerim!" He yelled back, squeezing her in his arms and twirling her in the air. She erupted into giggles, face squished into his neck as her limbs clung to him desperately. "How's my favorite birthday girl?"
Before she could respond, a delighted gasp brought their attention to her, her eyes now entirely trained on the enormous box behind Jihyo.
"Is that mine?" She asked excitedly, squirming out of Soonyoung's grasp to rush over to the box. It was practically as big as her, and it had Soonyoung giggling to himself as well. Jihyo shook her head, staring at him in disbelief before turning back to Chaerim.Â
"Yes, sweetie, Soonie got it for you. You can open it after we blow out your candles." She immediately came bounding back to Soonie, crouched to her height as she hugged the living daylights out of him.Â
"Thank you, Soonie." He grinned, hugging her back happily.Â
"Of course, sunshine." A few moments passed before (y/n) came strolling out of her room, just as lovely as she always was. Her eyes landed on Soonyoung, and he felt his heart skip multiple beats upon the sudden smile she had on her face.Â
"Soonyoung, you came!" He stood up, Chaerim still held by his right arm as he accepted (y/n)'s hug with his left. He felt so full, heart overflowing with adoration and stomach twisting into happy little knots as he surrounded himself with his two favorite girls. Jihyo stood on the sidelines, a contented pout on her face as she watched the scene before her.Â
Still wrapped in Soonyoung's hold, (y/n) glanced over to Jihyo.Â
"Any news on Seokmin?"Â
"Stuck at work," Jihyo regretfully informed, glancing down at her phone as if checking to see if Seokmin had miraculously escaped the clutches of his day job. "But he did invite some of the other guys, so they should be showing up throughout the day."
"Oh, that'll be chaotic," (y/n) snickered, laying her head on Soonyoung's chest in thought. He had no quarrels with this, in a permanent blissed out state as he rocked them all back and forth, lost in his own world. "Should we just have her blow out her candles now so she can play with her toys throughout the day?" (y/n) continued talking as Chaerim had yelled out her agreeance excitedly. "That way she'll have time to play with some toys, and then when one of the boys comes, she can play with the next toy?"
"That sounds like a plan." Jihyo nodded, already in motion as she began setting up the cake.
Soonyoung handled the birthday girl as (y/n) and Chaerim scurried about, delicately placing some candles on the cake, to which Chaerim indignantly commanded there to be more. Once there were about 20 candles scattered across her princess themed cake, Soonyoung placed her down on a barstool placed at the middle island, making his way across the counter to where (y/n) stood. Jihyo sat beside the little girl, slowly lighting up the candles for the ceremony until (y/n) took a sharp intake of breath, turning to face Soonyoung with a shocked expression on her face.
Before he could reciprocate her panic, however, she had already begun fleeing from the kitchen.Â
"I forgot the camera!" Her voice faded in the distance as she grew further away, leaving the three of them in the kitchen. Soonyoung averted his gaze from where (y/n) ran off to Chaerim, precariously eyeing her cake with a mischievous glint in her eyes. It brought a smile to his face, watching the few lit candles flicker in the reflection of her dark eyes.Â
"You should blow out the candles before wax gets on the cake," Soonyoung suggested, catching Chaerim's eye as she began smiling with him. Before Jihyo could put out the few candles, Chaerim beat her to it, puffing out her cheeks and blowing out the tiny flames in one big breath. Victoriously, she threw her hands up in the air.Â
"Yay! I'm turning five!" She hollered aloud, bringing a chuckle out of Jihyo beside her.Â
"No, sweetie, you are five. You only say turning when you're going to be that age very soon. Yesterday, you were turning five. Today, you are five. Understand?"Â
"No."Â
"Okay, wellâ" Jihyo was cut off by the sudden presence of Soonyoung's hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention over to the suddenly very shaken man. His eyes were shaky, attempting to focus on Jihyo, but struggling to maintain what little restraint he had left in him.Â
"She's five?" He asked, voice coming out in a wavering manner through his unsteady breathing. Jihyo looked at him confused for a moment, incredulous at his inquiry, though as quickly as she mentally questioned him, realization had hit her. Realization that Soonyoung had put the puzzle together.Â
"Soonyoungâ" She started, her tone of voice full of remorse, though she couldn't get much else out as he all but bolted out of the kitchen and down the hall, barging into (y/n)'s room unceremoniously. His head whipped about momentarily until his eyes landed on her emerging from her closet, digital camera in hand.Â
"Oh, I found the camera, it's alrightâ" (y/n) yelped as Soonyoung's hands clamped down on her shoulders, the force of his hold startling her for a second, though not harming her in any manner. As if his only intention was to keep her where she stood.Â
"(y/n)," he began, faltering in his speech. She grew concerned for him, hands instinctively reaching up to hold onto his bicep, squeezing him back reassuringly. The motion, at any other moment in time would've called him down. Though right now, it did nothing but remind him of who stood before him. "(y/n), I've asked Jihyo. I've asked Seokmin. I haven't asked you. So I'm only going to ask this once." At this point, (y/n) was slowly understanding the situation at hand, and she could do nothing but quiver at the raw emotion in his eyes. The blaze of unbridled despondency seeping into his dark, lonely gaze. His lips quivered as he took in another breath, nerves shaking with him and almost sending his body into a similar state. "Is Chaerim my daughter?"Â
Her mouth had fallen open, and then it closed, and opened again, though no sound came out. Her eyes darted about the room, from the door leading to the hallway, to her bedside table, to the closet behind her. Anywhere but Soonyoung, who couldn't tear his gaze away from her for even a moment, trained on her every minute action, relying on his years of being fluent in (y/n) to lead him to his answer.Â
She was scared, that much was obvious. She was attempting to school her expression, a twitch on her lip trying to incite a casual smile to brush him off. A light, humorous scoff being the first sound to leave her lips, and she finally focused her eyes on his mouth.Â
"What are you talking about?" She asked, a joking air to her words, a tone that could have potentially fooled others, but Soonyoung could detect the lack of sincerity in her actions. Her fingers twitched where they rested on his arm, squeezing him to calm herself as she continued. "Jihyo and Seokmin have both told you no."
"They have," Soonyoung agreed, dragging (y/n) closer, so close that he was sure she could hear the way his heart beat so violently against his chest, just as terrified of the results of this interrogation as she was. "But you haven't."
That faux curl of her lips had crumbled, bottom lip trembling as her eyes began to well with tears, her body similarly quaking under his touch. Her breathing had picked up, chest rising and falling to an almost concerning rate that Soonyoung had to reposition them, one hand falling down to her back and the other brushing away the strands of hair in her face. She whimpered at the sudden proximity, attempting to curl in on herself and away from Soonyoung's prying eyes.Â
"(y/n)," he quietly called out to her, voice now hushed, lowly soothing her as best he could. Her hands had retracted to her chest, fiddling with the material of his shirt as he drew her closer to him, shushing her when silent tears had begun slipping out. At this point, he had his answer. He just needed (y/n) to come to terms with it as well. So he patiently held her, face buried in her hair as he swayed them side to side, rocking her until he felt her breathing even out.Â
When he retracted his head to look down at her, he saw her terror filled eyes, widened and focused on the whitewashed wall of her bedroom. Gently, his finger trailed down to her chin, bringing her face to him as he pressed his forehead against hers, noses brushing past one another. When she met his resolute gaze, his eyes like the calm of a dark sea, her panic slowly but surely subsided, his staunch resolve seeping into her own eyes.Â
Finally, in the steadiest manner he could muster, Soonyoung breathed out the question once more.Â
"Is she my daughter?" A silence settled between the two, (y/n) slowly becoming lost as he stared into her soul, as if he were weaving his way back into her life, tangling the strings she had worked tirelessly to rid herself of, yet she couldn't find it in her to feel repulsed by his invasion at all. Instead, relief momentarily flooded her being. That peaceful understanding and comfort she had always felt in his arms reminding her of who he was. Her defenses had crumbled, and her mouth had fallen agape once more, voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper as she answered him.Â
"Yes."Â
His first reaction was to laugh. This disbelieving chuckle as he slowly pulled away from her, eyes immediately watering once more. His hands flew to his hair, yanking at the strands as a smile overtook his features. He was ecstatic. He had a daughter. A beautiful, lovely daughter outside waiting for his return. He had a daughter with the girl he promised himself he would one day start a family with.Â
(y/n) had slapped a hand over her mouth as Soonyoung separated from her, a loud sob threatening to leave her. At some point, she lost the strength in her legs and collapsed on the edge of her bed, crying into her hand as Soonyoung considered the newfound information.Â
He was beyond happy to have Chaerim, though he sat there processing the weight of such a discovery. He had fallen to the ground soon after, on his knees as tears streamed down his face.Â
"I have a daughter," he spoke aloud, hands gripping at the carpeting beneath him. "I have a daughter." He crawled over to (y/n), hands shooting up to her face as his thumbs brushed over the tears in her eyes. "(y/n), we have a daughter!" His hands went everywhere, brushing back her hair, smoothing out her shirt, running over the goosebumps on her arms. "We have a daughterâŠ" His head rested on her thighs in between where her hands rested on her lap. "Why am I only just finding out on her fifth birthday? Why have you all been lying to me?"
He sat up again, staring at (y/n), awaiting any sort of response, but she sat there sniffling, quietly sobbing to herself. He didn't know for how long he stared at her before she finally spoke, voice broken and defeated.Â
"You left meâŠ" She couldn't meet his gaze, staring down at where he had scooped her hands into his own. The sight brought another wave of sadness through her, having to bite back the fresh tears wanting to be shed. "You left me. I begged you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. And you left me." His thumbs brushed over her wrists, encouraging her to keep talking. "Not only that, but you stopped talking to all of us. I know you felt bad about leaving in the first place. I know you thought it'd be better to just disappear from our lives than make us deal with long distance and time difference, but it was still painful, Soonyoung." He shut his eyes, laying his head back into her lap where she began absentmindedly fiddling with the messy strands of his hair. "And then I found out I was pregnant and⊠I was terrified. I justâŠ" She stopped, clearing her throat from the dejection riddling her voice. "You chose to follow your dreams. That didn't include Chaerim and I. I didn't want to drag you back into this life you didn't want."Â
"Baby, no," he whined, sitting back on his heels and tugging (y/n) down from her bed and onto the floor with him, cradling her weakened body in his arms. "You both are my dream. You're my fantasy. You're the only thing I've ever wanted in life." He pressed his lips wherever he could reach, mumbling between each and every kiss. "I never meant to make you think otherwise. I just wanted you to be happy."
"You make me happy, idiot," she countered, the loudest thing she's said in the past few minutes, startling Soonyoung for a moment. "And I didn't want to tell you this month because⊠you have that job offer, and Chaerim and I will only be a burden to you."
"(y/n), I couldn't care less about that damn job offer." She pulled away from his shoulder, meeting his unexpectedly passionate gaze, brows furrowed and ever so determined. He squeezed her tighter in his arms. "I have a family right here. Do you understand howâŠthrilled I am?" Another tear slipped from his eye, though this one was paired with a genuinely warm and blithe grin, a sight that brought a smile of her own to (y/n)'s face, giggling as he pressed his forehead against hers again. "I was already happy to have reunited with you, and to have met Chaerim, but nowâŠ" He chuckled, biting his lip a second after to mute the bubbly feeling in his chest. "Now she's my daughter. She's mine."Â
His eyes were so incredibly mirthful, shining with unshed tears and unadulterated glee. She couldn't help but to smile at his happiness, pressing her hands against his cheeks and rubbing her nose against his own. The way he hugged her, fingers gripping her as if an extra measure to keep her close to him, reminded them of their youth. Their youth and the love they once held for each other. Their love that hadn't faded. Their love that persisted through time, distance, and every hurdle life has thrown their way.Â
"But your degreeâ" She started, but Soonyoung cut her off immediately.Â
"To hell with my degree, (y/n)! Holy shit, I'm a father!" He buried himself into her hair, drawing her even closer to his chest, holding her so closely to where her ear pressed against his torso, right over where his heart beat so rapidly within him. Though hesitant, she wrapped her arms around his body, hugging him back. Giggles and tears and happy sighs left them both, wandering hands squeezing any part of their person they could grab, wanting so much of the other that it almost didn't make sense. "I'm staying."
"What?"
"I'm staying." She pulled away to meet his gaze, so sure and earnest as he nodded at her confused eyes. "I can't leave you again. I physically can't. Even if you don't accept me as your lover anymore, I can't bear to be so far away from you again." Her heart fluttered at his confession, going speechless once more, allowing him to continue on. "Plus, I have Chaerim now. I need to be here for her. I have to make up for lost time."Â
"Y-you're staying?" It was the only thing her overwhelmed brain could come up with, not even able to process the heart fluttering and adoring gaze Soonyoung looked at her with.
"I'm staying. I couldn't care less about a job offer or my degree or anything else. None of it matters. I just need you and Chaerim. And I can't believe it took me 6 years to realize this."
Immediately, another sob broke out, and even more tears spilled from her eyes. Tears that Soonyoung swiped away as quickly as they appeared, giggling at her with such loving eyes. Though as she quieted down and he had a moment to his thoughts, he swallowed down the lump in his throat and shut his eyes.Â
"I love you, (y/n). So much. So, so fucking much... I'm so sorry for what I've made you go through. I should've been here this entire time. I shouldn't have given up on us. I'm so sorry." He could've said more, but she shook her head at him, cradling his face again, encouraging him to open his eyes and meet hers.Â
"I forgive you, Soonyoung." He blinked at her words, eyes darting between her own as if looking for any falsitude in her statement.Â
"You do?" He asked. She nodded at him.Â
"Just please don't leave me again."Â
"I'd never dream of it."Â
Her eyes shone with such fondness, grin tugging at the corners of her lips as she stroked back Soonyoung's hair, properly admiring his grown features for the first time since he came back. Something she hadn't granted herself the privilege of doing so before, for fear of falling in love and being abandoned again. Though now she was sure, with that devoted glimmer in his eye and that dumb in love smile stretched on his face, that he truly was staying this time around.Â
That's what motivated her to lean forward and press a chaste, yet affectionate kiss to his lips, separating before he could respond to it.
"I love you, too, Soonyoung." A short bout of silence fell between the two, Soonyoung staring at her blankly as she giggled and continued to play with his hair. Though soon enough, he came to his senses, hand cupping her cheek and drawing her into him again for another kiss. A better kiss. One that he poured his entire heart and soul into. One that he hoped conveyed what his words couldn't. How regretful he is. How relieved he is. How absolutely in love he is.
His hand stroked over her face, fingers slipping into her hair as he brought her even closer to him, arm tightening around her waist and pressing her against him. The only thing that stopped their kiss was their smiling, laughs that bubbled out of them both. She continued littering kisses onto him, even more giggles slipping from his mouth. Delighted laughs that filled the room and her heart. He had felt so at ease and so loved that he almost hadn't acknowledged the faint knock at the doorway, the ajar door slowly rolling wider to reveal Chaerim peeking in.Â
"Mommy, Aunt Jihyo is asking if you guys are okay." It was the first time Soonyoung was seeing Chaerim since the revelation, but he couldn't have felt happier seeing the girl than right now. Looking at her before him right at this moment felt so obvious. He couldn't believe he even doubted himself. He couldn't believe he went along with Jihyo and Seokmin's words. He couldn't believe he didn't immediately know for a fact that she was his own flesh and blood.Â
"Yes, baby, we're okay," (y/n) responded, laying her head against Soonyoung happily.Â
Chaerim stood there for a moment more, twiddling with the stray lace of her princess gown as she looked between the two.Â
"Does he know the secret?" His heart twisted at her words, looking over to (y/n) with an unreadable expression. A short breath of air expelled from her nose as she nodded.Â
"Yes."Â
At her mother's words, Chaerim came walking over to him. For the first time since he ever even met her, this was the first sign of hesitance she'd ever displayedâthe momentary stingray panic aside. Once she stood in front of him, she extended her hand out, just as she had done when they first met.Â
"Hi daddy, my name is Chaerim. I'm 5 years old. My favorite color is yellow. I love you." He felt his heart shatter and rebuild from her words alone, perhaps more than once, because how else could he have reacted to such a sweet and rehearsed statement, as if she had prepared her whole life for this very moment. His lip quivered, something (y/n) didn't miss as she slipped away from his lap, hand softly rubbing his back encouragingly. He cleared his throat and wrapped his hand around her offered one, smiling whilst attempting to mask the sheen of tears coating his eyes.Â
"Hi sunshine, it's nice to meet you. I'm your dad." After the quaint handshake, she slowly opened her arms out to him. And the minute he brought her into his arms was the moment every last ounce of his tears spilled, whatever was left from his moment with (y/n) now being used as he hugged his daughter knowingly for the first time. (y/n) sat on the sidelines, though only for a minute before Soonyoung was dragging her into the hug with them, the two girls patting his back soothingly as he wept aloud.
Though he wasn't alone, Jihyo crying as well as she texted Seokmin the details, watching the scene from the safety of the doorway.Â
Seungcheol was the first of the boys to arrive, just in time to come across the disaster which had transpired before his arrival.
Chaerim had opened her largest gift, the one given to her by her dad. And to (y/n)'s dismay, it was a large and elaborate tunnel system. Although it was soft and foldable, it was still something she couldn't believe Soonyoung would even consider buying considering the state of their apartment. But Chaerim was happy, crawling through the tubed labyrinth, giggles reverberating off the walls.Â
Though the mayhem Seungcheol walked in on was mere moments after Soonyoung wanted to try out his gift as well, and now found himself stuck in one of the tubes. Jihyo and (y/n) attempted to yank him out from the outside, while Chaerim continued her incessant giggling, giving up on pushing Soonyoung from within and was now peppering tiny kisses all over his face.Â
Luckily, Seungcheol was the one to free the man out of the tunnel, much to the child's dismay, until he handed her his gift: an easel set with a large notepad for a canvas.
She doodled away as the three of them explained the events that had occurred that day, Seungcheol at first shocked at it all, though nodding in understanding soon after.Â
"It makes much more sense than Jihoon's assumption that you went out and found a Soonyoung doppelganger, because that girl is a carbon copy of Soonyoung, I swear."Â
Jeonghan wasn't surprised in the slightest once he had arrived, only shocked that it took Soonyoung this long to realize that the lactose intolerant little girl with sharp eyes and round cheeks wasn't his child.Â
Joshua, Junhui, and Wonwoo only congratulated the two, Jihoon still defending his doppelganger story, saying it could have been true.
Minghao and Mingyu also similarly did not show much reaction to it, somehow far more preoccupied with the little girl playing with them.
Vernon, Seungkwan, and Chan were perhaps the most interested in the circumstances, questioning how she had kept it a secret from them for so long, how they hadn't figured it out on their own, what she was going to do with Soonyoung now.Â
"I guess I'll give him a second chance," she responded, hugging his arm and laying her head on his shoulder. Their hands intertwined, and Soonyoung smiled at the familiar warmth that emanated from her touch, seeping into his skin and sending waves of content satisfaction through him. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach and a blush settled over his cheeks, reminding him that that schoolboy crush he had on (y/n) never left, nor would it ever.Â
Seokmin had arrived later on, immediately coming over to congratulate the two, as well as quietly apologize to Soonyoung for hiding his daughter from him.Â
"You have to understand, man, I meant no harm. We didn't know your intentions. We needed to protect them, you know?" He muttered quietly, looking around the room as if he were dealing with classified information. "I didn't even know until Jihyo was legit scolding me for bringing you over. You gotta believe me, dude."
"I understand, man, I understand," Soonyoung replied, wrapping an arm around Seokmin and mimicking his overly suspicious mannerisms. Though with the secret out and about, he had to admit that he felt significantly closer to his former best friend, glad to know that his daughter has such an amazing godfather.Â
The party soon ended and the boys all flooded out of the apartment. Jihyo was the last to leave after helping (y/n) put Chaerim to sleep.Â
"Goodnight, you two!" She waved at the two lovers as she shut the door behind her. Soonyoung had also planned to leave, not wanting to overstay his welcome, but (y/n) continued to hold him in a tight hug, refusing to let go.Â
"Stay," she insisted. Soonyoung would have laughed at her clinginess, though he heard the hint of fear in her voice, and he immediately understood the clinginess.Â
"Okay, baby, I'll stay." Guilt riddled his body the entire way to bed. He had to keep reassuring her he wasn't going anywhere, keeping a hand on her at all times.
He washed her hair for her, letting her hug him while the warm water of the shower fell down their bodies. He helped her get changed, whispering sweet nothings to her the entire process. He held her hand as they got into bed, and once settled, she had immediately clung to him again, limbs tangling together as she buried her face into his shirt. And Soonyoung could only softly shush her, assure her that he's not going anywhere.
His hands combed through her hair, littering kisses on her forehead, muttering his love for her through soft whispers. Seeing the state she was in had a pit of lament settling at the base of his stomach, grimacing at his past misdeeds, remembering the cruel way he left her with nothing more than a final forlorn kiss.Â
"I'm sorry," he spoke, hands momentarily stilling in her locks. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize every second of every day for the rest of our lives, but it would never amount to how apologetic I truly feel. How much I regret leaving you." He pressed another reassuring kiss on her skin, a shaky intake of air once he separated from her. "I regret it so much. I regret ever doubting our love and I'll never forgive myself for that." He felt her hand splay out on his chest, right over his heart. "(y/n), you're the only thing I live for. You're the only thing in my life that matters." He paused, quickly reconsidering his words before stuttering out his correction. "You and Chaerim, I mean, butâŠ"
He stopped talking as she laughed softly at his words, pulling away from him so she could actually study his face. He was speechless for a second, reminded of a few days ago during their phone call. How he had wished for this exact moment to come to fruition. To hold her in his arms once more, feel her falling asleep in his hold, watch that peaceful state of hers he could only see at night. When she'd enter deep sleep, the tension of the day washing away, her strong persona, her brave facade, all of those pretenses she put up for the world disappearing. And he was the only person she trusted in such a vulnerable stateâand he left her.Â
"I'm just⊠I left you. I was so lost and I thought I could find myself. I thought you didn't deserve someone as lost as I was. It just seemed easier to give you up so you wouldn't have to waste your life with a loser like me⊠I'm sorry."Â
Her eyes twinkled under the moonlight, watching Soonyoung as he fumbled over incessant apologies.
When he had gone silent, she shuffled closer to him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose. She smiled when it scrunched, and then she pressed a kiss to his cheek. His jaw. His chin. The corner of his mouth. And then finally a kiss to his lips. A sweet, affectionate kiss. Short and simple, but still enough to leave Soonyoung flustered and motionless.Â
"Soonyoung, love, I forgive you."
"I know you say that, but⊠I just feel like it's not enough. It doesn't make up for what I've done to you. I don'tâ" Another kiss, though this time, one that Soonyoung reciprocates just as fondly as her.Â
"You've already apologized to me countless times." At the sight of his confused face, she grinned. "The first day, when Seokmin brought you to me." Soonyoung nodded at this, though he felt he was too emotional to properly convey his feelings. Plus, he mostly made her cry, so it didn't feel like a valid apology to him. "The night you boys went out drinking."Â
"What?" Soonyoung furrowed his brows at this, making (y/n) smile. She brushed back his hair comfortingly, nodding her head in confirmation.Â
"2 AM, you called me. Drunk out of your mind, crying and babbling to the point that I could barely understand you." Soonyoung winced at this, quietly groaning to himself as he remembered the night at the bar and how fragmented his memory was. "I laid there listening to you pour out your heart to me." He peeked over from where he wallowed in his own self pity, seeing the tenderness in her expression as she admired him wholeheartedly. "You told me about how much you regretted leaving me. How much it hurt you to leave me behind. The pain you endured throughout those 6 years away. You apologized so much that I had to beg you to calm down." At this, he hid himself again, this time burying his face into his pillow with a loud groan. "And then you said you love me." He felt her fingers tracing images on his arm; circles and stars and hearts. "You said you never stopped loving me. That I was the love of your life, and you'd forever mourn losing me. You probably said I love you just as many times as you apologized, until I myself was crying.
"And then you said⊠that even if Chaerim wasn't yours, you'd love her as if she were." He peeked out from his pillow to where a bittersweet smile greeted him. "That you love her like you love me. And you wished you had a family like ours. You said we were your happiness. Your dream life that you had always wanted." He pouts at this, realizing his drunk self was probably more articulate than he could ever be when sober. She lifted the arm she had drawn invisible patterns into, nestling herself against him before resting his limb over her.
"And the third time was as I was falling asleep." She had rested her head on his heart again, humming at the soothing rhythm it emanated. "I thought I was dreaming. Hearing the love of my life say such sweet words to me. Such a blissful moment." She sighed dreamily, squeezing his waist in a small hug. "I only realized it was real when I heard my phone beep, indicating you hung up."Â
"I'm so sorry, my love, I didn't mean to wake you," he fussed, but she only shushed him.Â
"No more apologies." Another kiss to his lips had him going silent, nodding along to her words. With another laugh his way, she curled up against him once more, cozying up in the warmth of her soulmate for the first time in six years. "So yes, I forgive you. I really do."Â
"Thank you, (y/n)." She pressed one last kiss on his chest, one right above his heart. Like magic, he felt the wounds which have tormented him for years to come slowly but surely heal, tending to itself as she nurtured his love once more. A sigh of relief puffed out of his lips, one tear slipping from his eye as he savored the exhilarating serenity of the moment. Of being with his beloved again. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
(a/n): welcome to the end of this. if you made it, congratulations! thank you for reading my stuff! i appreciate it greatly! i didn't expect for this to be as big as it wound up being. as of right now, it is the longest fic i have published. im happy with how it came out though. hopefully i have more stories planned for the future! thanks for reading!
summary: Â everyday Jin has to make you fall for him again
Part of the See Me series
You opened your eyes slowly getting used to the lights that came through the curtains â that were there only for decoration seeing as they did a door job is blocking the light coming through the window.
You knew, even before you looked around, that you were at a complete different place from where you had been the night before. You were scared of making any movement that could break anything in that foreign place, something that was very unlikely  to happen.
The other side of the bed moved and an arm made its way around your waist. Your eyes widened. You had spent the night with someone and had probably gotten stupidly drunk since you couldnât remember anything.
SUMMARY : Being in the business of selling pleasure, you're no stranger to customers getting a little too attached. But when the head of the syndicate that has painted your town red arrives to stake his claim on the club you work in, all you can think about is making you paycheck fatter. You'd never been shy about your love for material possessions and if there was anyone who could give you things beyond your wildest dreams, it was the Boss, Jeon Jungkook. It took some convincing but he fell in your lap. What you didn't expect was his attachment. It only proves to be...too much.
GENRE : Yandere AU, Mafia AU
WC : 8K+
WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, explicit smut (18+), violence, guns, descriptions and mentions of dead bodies, threats and implications of sexual assault, yandere themes etc.
I do not own BTS. This in, no way, reflects their real personalities. The only reason they have been mentioned is to indicate the physical appearance of a FICTIONAL character.
My intention is not to glorify toxic behavior nor do I believe BTS member would ever act like this. Itâs just a figment of my imagination. Know the difference. Please.
AN : Merry Christmas! I really enjoyed writing this one-shot. If you guys like it, I could be persuaded to write the aftermath of the ending considering the fact that JK will only get crazier :)And if not, I'll be more than happy to answer any questions you might have or just anything you wanna say through the asks. Love you! <3
"Hey, it's time." A brunette head popped in through the unlocked door, causing a squeak to fall out from the mouth of the man moving above you, his heavy frame surprised by the intrusion.
The intruder went away as quick as she had come, unfazed by what she had seen. The same couldn't be said for the man who had frozen still above you. What had he been expecting?
A whorehouse didn't exactly bring a lot of privacy with it.
As soon as the double gated doors to the entrance of the VIP section opened, everyone stilled in their places. A group of men stepped into the dimly lit area, in the middle of which stood the guest of the evening. Jeon Jungkook.
White shirt, starched to perfection, buttons gleaming. You wondered if they were made of silver, the reflection they created gleaming in your eyes. Aside from the silver chain dangling from his thick, corded neck and the buttons of his shirt, your eyes were caught on his exposed chest. Tan, smooth skin shone under the golden lights, three unopened buttons on his shirt exposing the muscled chest for the world to see. Money always looked sexy to you, tonight especially so.
Standing at the back, partially hidden area as you were, you stole a flute of champagne from one of the servers moving past you to serve to the guests.
Jimin had rushed towards the new owner of this club, bowing and ushering him inside. The professional smile upon his face never faltered, although you could notice the visible shake in his hand as he motioned the waiters to come forward.
The stoic man, not a single shred of acknowledgement upon his face raised his hand up without giving the waiter a glance and muttered what you presumed was an order for hard whiskey because that was what he was presented with.
As soon as the man had sat down on the black couch, the men around him relaxed, a few taking drinks of their own. Except the ones who still stood around him, rigid as if made of granite.
The girls on the poles began their show as the lights lowered further and music began playing.
Now was your time.
As you strutted to where the boss was sitting, silk robe fluttering around your thighs and hair bouncing as you swayed your hips from side to side, you knew what you wanted to do was dangerous.
But you knew men like him. They noticed daring.
And that watch on his thick wrist, adorning golden skin that was exposed due to the pushed back sleeves, looked way too good.
You knew every single man in the area was looking at you, salivating. You dwelled in it, bathed in their desire. It fuelled your confidence.
Except the man you wanted to notice you wouldn't look in your direction. Jungkook was talking to a man who stood at the end of the couch he was sitting on, a glass held in his large palm, the golden liquid shining under lighting of the same hue.
As you neared the back of his couch, the men standing around it glared at you, one of them getting in your way.
You smiled at him, putting a hand in the middle of his chest. The silver cross hanging from his neck made you want to snatch it but you curbed the urge. It was their group's symbol. You'd be shot on sight.
For a second, your heart thumped. What you touched felt too hard, too weirdly shaped to be a wallet or handkerchief.
It broke your composure for a moment, the realisation that these men were dangerous and the one you were aiming for was the most dangerous of all.
But it's better to be on the devil's side than on his way.
So you widened your smile, speaking through your glossy lips, "calm down, big boy. I'm just here to help your boss relax."
As your robe slipped down your shoulder, his stance loosened and you pushed him aside, throwing a smile over your bare shoulder before you lowered your head down to the ebony head sitting on the couch.
Spreading your palm upon his shoulder that felt tense, you began moving it downward towards his chest slowly. But before you could make much progess, your wrist got caught in a grip of iron. The hand clutched your wrist so tight, you felt your blood circulation get cut off.
"Whoa. If that's how you lik-"
The humor in your tone got cut off instantly as he pushed you to stand in front of him.
Despite the height difference caused by him sitting and you standing, in your heels no less, you felt like he was looking down upon you. A sneer upon his chiseled face and fire in his eyes burned you.
But you were a professional.
So pasting a sweet smile upon your face, you began whispering, sweet as sugar, "Let m-"
"Who gave you the permission to touch me, girl?" The sneer upon his face hardened.
Your subconscious giggled, 'You fucked up this time, YN.'
But you didn't wanna die, so you leant down, your cleavage on display, and splayed out your hand,
"I noticed your glass was emptying, sir. So I-"
Your words were cut off as the same hand that had imprisoned your wrist wrapped around your throat, squeezing at the sides. His eyes dug into yours before pushing you away from him.
You gained your balance before you landed upon your ass and lost your seductress front.
By that time, he had disappeared into the darkness of the girl's booths with one of the girls.
The astrology predictions was right when it said that your zodiac would face losses in business today.
Before you'd clocked out for the night, you went to Jimin's desk to collect your cheque. As you rounded the corner, you were met with the sight of Shanice standing in front of Jimin. She had her head down, staring at the ground as Jimin ranted.
"-really unprofessional. He was raising questions about the performance of my girls. You know I don't tolerate that Shanice. I've built this place from the ground up. What would we do if he de-"
"Hey I'm leaving." You stopped him in between.
He looked over from staring at Shanice in disappointment to looking in your direction, face red from shouting.
"Yeah, here." He went behind his desk to write the cheque after checking your appointments from his computer. As he was writing, Shanice took her leave, nodding an acknowledgement to you before leaving. You patted her back. Everyone had a bad day in this business every once in a while and you sympathized with her.
"Why were you pissed at her?" You asked Jimin, putting a cheque in your Louis Vitton vintage handbag.
"Jeon wasn't satisfied. Taunted me saying my girls aren't worth the hype."
Your eyes widened. Shanice had some of the highest paying clients so it couldn't be that she was bad.
"Maybe.....he's into men?" You questioned meekly.
Jimin gave you an exasperated look. It had been a long night for everybody.
The next week, exactly seven days later, Jungkook showed up again. When you'd heard the news, you rushed out, determined to get him to notice you this time.
Dressed in a babydoll gown, you sauntered over to him, deciding to play up the shy act this time since he hadn't seemed to like the bold face of you.
He looked angry tonight, fire brewing in his eyes.
As you walked in his direction, his eyes dragged over your figure. Before you could bat your eyelashes at him, he clutched the arms of the two girls nearest to him, dragging them away.
You pouted. Were you losing your charm?
Seeing Shanice walk out of her booth, you sidled up to her.
"Hey Shan. What'd you do with the Jeon's paycheck?" You asked, wanting to secretly figure out how much a night with the boss could pay.
"Haven't been able to touch it. Its been sitting in my drawer like a rock." She said, a conflicted look upon her face.
"Was he that bad? Too sma-" You began sniggering as she shushed you, glancing around you two frantically.
"Do you wanna die?" She whisper-yelled.
You pulled a sad face. "Damn, it was that bad, huh?"
She finally let out a laugh that sobered up as soon as the sound reached your ears.
The booth that Jungkook and the two girls had disappeared into emanated sounds of cries and loud, strung out moans.
"So....clearly it wasn't bad in that sense." You spoke.
"Well, the sex itself was great. Just the fact that he put a gun to my head as he began climaxing froze me up." She spoke, glancing towards the door.
You froze. Gun? Was he into necrophilia?
"Dying for the dick took a literal meaning." You whispered, eyes bulging out.
The two girls didn't have the same near death experience as Shanice but the boss clearly wasn't satisfied. Jimin shouted at the girls again, who seemed bewildered to say the least. According to them, he'd climaxed and they had too.
By the time Jeon arrived next week, you had connected the dots. And this time you had a plan. Gun or no gun, you wanted that cheque. The next day when one of the girls showed up with an emerald pendant she'd splurged the cheque upon, your insides were as green as the rock dangling from her pale neck.
Your amazon subscription was ending this week!
So when the man arrived next week, you were prepared. Smoky eyeshadow bringing out your eyes and clad in black lingerie, you looked every bit the seductress you wanted to look like.
Seeing him, however, brought a hesitation in your step. He looked angry.
raging, even.
You'd heard the news. The two gangs were fighting again. The area was becoming more dangerous to operate in and bloodshed was only on the rise.
Veins straining against the golden skin of his throat, jaw clenched shut and a storm brewing behind his eyes. The droplets of ruby red upon his white shirt didn't help either.
This time, however, he kept his eyes upon you until you reached his side.
You opened your mouth to speak but he beat you to the punch.
"Want it that bad, huh? Better make it worth my while, girl." He sneered, thin pink lips twisting as he clamped his hand around your wrist.
By the time, you reached the room and he peeled back the red curtain, you'd regained your bearings.
Showtime.
He walked inside the small room, awash with red light, his walk as tense as the rest of his body.
Spotting the red chaise lounge, he sprawled in top of the red velvet. Eyes burning a hole in your body, he beckoned you forward with a crooked finger, face giving no indication of anything he might be feeling.
You took your sweet time walking towards him, heels clicking against the floor.
You kneeled down in between his sprawled legs, running your hands up his muscled thighs. Reaching the zipper, you bent your head down, putting the metal between your teeth and pulling it down. The sharp intake of breath from above you made you want to look up, ruffle your hair and smirk at him.
And so you did.
His eyes narrowed at your audacity. Grabbing your wrist, he pressed your palm over his crotch. Just for a moment, his hips raised up into your palm, large eyes drooping as if they wanted to close.
But as soon as you felt that he had fallen under your spell, his eyes snapped open,
"I pay you to suck my cock. Not to fucking ogle at me."
But his fist pressing down upon your head made you bow your head before you could speak and the mouth you'd opened to tease him was now filled with a cock that made you look back on your comments to Shanice.
Oh how wrong you'd been.
Trying to wrap your hand around the entire girth, you suckled on the tip, gradually taking more inches down your throat. As you suckled, you raised your eyes up. Knowing how wanton you looked. How alluring. Numerous men had told you so.
As soon as he saw your eyes trying to catch his gaze, he glared into your eyes. Immediately, you softened the look in your eyes, making yourself tear up as you choked. The eyeliner falling down your cheeks in streaks, you stared at him with tears swimming in your eyes.
Spittle left from the corners of your mouth, coating your neck and chin. As another line of water went past the rim of your eyes, your tongue began caressing his frenulum, hand working up and down his hard shaft.
As you felt the salty precum fill your mouth, you raised up his white shirt that covered his abdomen, caressing the abs before running your nails down his skin. As the ribbons of red broke out on the honey skin, his cock pulsed on your tongue and you were sure he was gonna erupt.
But with a curse, he jerked you off, breathing hard with his eyes closed.
You gave him a pouty smile as you stood up. Seeing his hands reaching towards the thin straps of your gown, you stepped back quickly, giggling.
"Patience is a virtue, sir." Although in his line of work, you wouldn't exactly expect him to have come across any virtues.
Looking straight into his eyes as they stuck onto you like a leech, you caressed the black straps. Hooking a finger underneath each, you pushed the gown off your shoulders, shimmying out of it till it fell on the floor.
Bare breasts, flushed with perspiration was exposed to his greedy eyes. The look that overcame his face was feral, almost scary. Teeth hooking onto his pink bottom lip, he let out a breath, nostrils flaring.
You turned around, the look was arousing you way too much when you had a show to put on.
Holding the sides of your underwear, you pushed it down your legs, bending the whole way down. You knew your mission was achieved when you heard a broken growl-like sound come out of his chest, goosepimples erupting across the flesh of your cheeks that were in his direct sight.
Taking your sweet time before turning around to face him, you smiled at him sweetly, ignoring his starved look.
"Do you regret making me wait so long, sir?"
The only answer you got was his clenched hands shooting out to clamp around your wrists and jerk you forwards.
You laughed, the teasing sounds echoing from the red velvet covered walls. Climbing up the chaise lounge, you placed your knees on either side of his spread thighs, your bare heat just a few inches from his shaft that lay, pulsing and red on his abdomen that had your nail marks.
His tattooed hands had clamped around your hips, digging his fingers deep enough to leave clear indents. He tried to push you down but you stopped him, placing hands on his broad shoulders. Jungkook looked up, a confused and impatient look marring his handsome face.
You cupped your hand under his chin, making sure he was looking into your eyes as you lowered down onto his cock. A breath whistled out of his open mouth, a moan leaving yours as your slick core sucked him in easily. Clamping around the hot rod, you moved slowly. Making sure his eyes were open and looking into yours, you kissed his lips. The curtain that had been hiding the soul behind his irises fell away. He stared into your orbs, unblinking as your tongue traced the seam of his mouth, ending at his lip ring to suckle at it gently, lapping at the piercing. His head bowed back, exposing the thick neck that you chose to run your tongue up against, collecting the sweat and kissing a mole that was on the side of his neck. Within a moment, his head snapped back up, palms clutching your waist and pushing you towards the surface of the chaise lounge. One knee on the surface and a strong leg on the floor, he hovered above you.
His half undressed state, pants around his thighs and unbuttoned shirt made your cunt quiver.
His face hardened. Putting a hand on your chest, in the middle of your breasts, he began thrusting. It was your time to be breathless. From leaving your slit so that only the thick tip was breaching it to going deep till not an inch was left, he did it again and again. His cock curved perfectly, hitting the spot inside you that made the toes of your raised legs curl in pleasure. His pace brutal, he slammed in you so that the sound of skin slapping against the skin was deafening.
His hand that was on your chest, moved up to wrap around your throat, pressing on the sides of your neck to cut of the supply of air to your brain.
You let out a long moan, pleading with your eyes and your words as a string of 'please, please more' left your drooling mouth.
As your eyes rolled back into your skull, the veins in his dick imprinting themselves on your walls made you a bumbling mess. His pace never slackened. Opening your eyes, the look on his face made you whine. Dark eyebrows slashed down, a look of concentration marred his features. The chain swinging from his neck as he fucked dangled in front of your eyes.
A small black cross. The cross that only the Jeon syndicate wore.
And the black signifying his status as the supreme leader of the group. The realisation that you were fucking the Jeon Jungkook almost made you climax.
The man that had terrorised this country since he was a teenager.
You were a sick fuck.
His hand that had been choking you cracked your jaw open, fingers sliding into your mouth as he slammed into you.
"Got a real mouth on you, huh? Can't find anything sassy to say now, YN?"
Hearing him say your name for the first time that you had never told him made you screech out your orgasm. Your chest rose up, tears leaking out of your eyes, breasts heaving as you sucked his fingers, laving wetly between the fingers.
By now, his irises had been overtaken by black. The black looked wild contrasted by the red light of the room, creating dark shadows on his sharp cheekbones.
Reaching up, you clutched at his hair, pulling at them as his pace quickened, close to his climax. His cock began pulsing as he breathed heavily, grunting. Suddenly, a gleam entered his eyes as his hand moved towards his pants and pulled out a shiny, metal object.
A gun.
Putting it in front of your face, he put the finger on the trigger.
As much as you had expected this, your insides clamped with fear. He groaned, your tight walls milking him.
Looking in his eyes, you moved your head forward towards the mouth of the gun.
His eyes widened, the nasty smirk that had been on his lips wiped out as you wrapped your mouth around the muzzle of the metal, sucking lightly.
Batting your eyes at him, you sucked at the end of the gun.
It was ripped out from your lips and a weight fell upon you as his chest met yours, his cock piercing your hole so roughly, the oversensitivity made you scream.
His pace stuttered as a mouth clamped around your neck, teeth digging into the skin.
You caress his ear, rubbing at the shell.
All was quiet for a long moment as you stared at the ceiling, making sense of the fact that you had survived Jungkook.
The weight that had just begun to feel comfortable was off you all of a sudden.
Seeing his back, muscles dancing under the skin as he buttoned up his shirt and pulled his pants up, you smiled. The paycheck was about to be good tonight, you could tell.
A flash of silver caught your eyes as his watch landed near your head, the silver glowing in the light.
"Saw you eyeing it the first time we met."
With these words, he was gone.
You smiled, you knew exactly the shop you could sell this chunk of metal at for an absurd amount of money.
Jungkook was back the very next day.
Seeing Jimin's mouth gape like that of a fish made you laugh.
The club had just opened, the crowd was yet to come in the floors below and so your VIP area was absolutely barren. In fact, you had just come in as well.
You were ecstatic. Last night's paycheck had been beyond your dreams. Another paycheck like this and you would be all set for your Paris trip the following month. You had planned to spend a week in Paris, a vacation you had talked to Jimin about.
Jungkook had walked in and demanded you, refusing any drinks offered to him. That night, sober and sharp, he was even more intense than the night before, making you climax a total of three times, even going down on you before he fucked you brutally. You were in heaven.
Money and orgasms. Your two favorite things in the world.
This repeated each night throughout the week. He would arrive at the earliest possible hour and occupy you till it was time to close the club down and Jimin was timidly knocking on the door. He wouldn't dare say anything, he valued his life too much for that (the intimidating guards standing outside the room didn't help) but he would knock once to signify that it was the early hours of dawn. Not that it was always heard, the lewd sounds emanating from the room drowning out the sound of a timid knock.
You began noticing changes in Jungkook's demeanor. Changes you didn't exactly like. His emotionless mask would only stay on until you reached the room, the mask slipping away to reveal a look of hunger and almost.... desperation that seemed to increase each day.
Not to mention, one night after he'd left, you found your panties missing. You were pissed.
They were so expensive!
When he came over on Tuesday, the end of the weekdays for you, Wednesday being a holiday, his energy seemed weird.
Instead of leaving after he was done as he always did, Jungkook lingered around.
You raised an eyebrow at him, wondering why he wouldn't leave.
Then he opened his mouth,
"I want you to come with me to a party tomorrow. I don't have anyone else to ask."
His stoic face betrayed nothing, except his orbs. Expectant and anxious, as if scared you would refuse.
And you would. It was an off day for you tomorrow!
"You don't have anyone else to ask, sir? Are you sure about that?" You smirked at him, without fear. In the past week, you'd realised he wouldn't punish you for running your mouth.
He sighed, tongue poking his cheek as he looked at the walls.
"Why can't you come?"
"Wednesday is my only off day."
He stared at you for a moment before opening the door.
You thought he'd walk out.
But he shut the door as he came back into the room.
A chequebook in hand, he sat down on the chair on the far end of the room.
You began laughing, unsure if he was doing what you thought he was doing.
But you were curious too. How much money would convince you to give up the only off day you had in the entire week?
Putting the cheque face down on the space next to your thighs, he exited the room, saying
"Be ready at 7."
Holding up the cheque, signed with your name on the recipients column, the space next to Amount Payable was empty.
A blank cheque.
You sighed. Turns out, your off day could be brought with money.
Sitting in the most expensive car you'd ever seen in your life, you felt as if you were bathing in luxury. Cream leather seats, woodsy scent wafting in the air-conditioned surroundings and the driver's section partitioned off with a black panel, you truly knew what it meant to travel in style.
Leaning back against the seats, you sighed and sipped from a flute of bubbe champagne that the chauffeur had handed to you as you stepped in to sit beside the man who had requested your presence for tonight.
Looking outside, you were basking in the lights that reflected off the blackened windows. This part of the city was always amazing to travel through. High-end brands, most talked about shopping complexes and the most expensive restaurants littered the streets.
From the corner of your eye, you spied a tattooed hand creeping towards yours. Whipping your head around to face him, you quipped,
"Do you wanna hold my hand, sir? Here you can." Slipping your hand into his, you pulled the enjoined palms to rest upon your thigh.
Unable to resist the opportunity to tease him, you spoke up
"Don't worry, I don't charge for that. Not yet anyway."
His orbs twinkled with amusement yet his lips did not turn up to smile.
Typical.
The car stopped under a two-storeyed building. The first floor being the ballroom, where you imagined you were heading to and upon the second floor- the most opulent restaurant in the town. A few of your friends had talked about - how it was almost impossible to get a reservation here. Anyone who was anyone wanted to post a picture dining at one of the tables, overlooking the river that flowed through its neighbourhood.
You wondered if you could sneak upstairs while Jungkook was busy at the party to click a picture at the doors of this place. your Instagram had been too barren lately.
Walking through the lobby of the building, you were reminded of who you were with. Everyone around you seemed to shrink away from the space that the man beside you walked through. As you looked around the marble and glass beauty, every other person in the place refused to meet your eyes.
You were whisked away to the elevator, two bodyguards stepping inside while four men stood watch throughout the lobby area.
As the lift descended the first floor, you grew confused. The hand that was still held in Jungkook's warm palm tugged you outside the lift to the short hallway. You looked at him confused.
The door to the restaurant was wide open, a short balding man standing at the gate. As the two of you neared, he bent at the waist, not moving back up before Jungkook let out a small hum.
"Sir, your table is r-"
"Lead the way." His deep voice commanded. You look at his face, but he refuses to look back at you, staring ahead as you move into the opulent place.
Freeing your hand from his clutch, you place it upon the bend at his elbow, tugging at it to make him look at you.
"Why are we here? Is this the party? Pretty lame. I mean, we're the first ones here." You spoke. You'd always believed in being fashionably late.
"The party's cancelled so I thought that we could come eat something." He spoke, stopping at the large, round table placed near the floor-to-ceiling glass window that overlooked the flowing river. Twinkling city lights and serene music playing softly in the background, you felt like the main character in a movie. But this wasn't Pretty Woman and you weren't Julia Roberts.
"We didn't have to come here. Its pre-" You began as Jungkook pushed in your chair with you on it before moving to sit down. He stopped however as you spoke the words.
"You don't like it?" He spoke slowly, gaze tracing your features as if to discern the truth.
You loved it honestly. You'd never been to any place that smelled more of money than the very air in this restaurant. But you knew how expensive some places could be and while you weren't opposed to splurging every once in a while, much less when it was coming from other's pocket, you felt as if you'd already taken a lot. You could be a bit money hungry but you weren't a bad person.
But with Jungkook's statement it felt like you'd be doing harm to every person in the vicinity. With his words, the old man's nervousness became much more noticeable. The head shining down upon his bald head reflected off the droplets of sweat that became pronounced as Jungkook stared at him sternly, as if this was his fault. Honestly, the poor man looked like he was going to cry.
"No! It's beautiful here, I love it." You intervened.
Jungkook finally sat down, unbottoning his suit jacket and sending the man away.
With no other company, you looked out the window as you felt the gaze of the man sitting across from you. It was unnerving. You were good in sexual situations, not ones that were filled with awkward silence.
Suddenly a thought came to your head and you fished out your phone, handing it to Jungkook.
He looked at you with a blank look on his face.
"Could you please click a picture of me? I've always wanted to come here."
Without hesitation, he began clicking away as you posed. Some smiling prettily and a few with goofy faces to send to your friends. The fact that the head of a crime syndicate was your photographer made you giggle. What an absurd turn of events.
"Do you like posting pictures?" He asked, eyes still stuck to the screen as he snapped away.
"I guess so. I like taking pictures whenever I go to some nice place or while I'm travelling. I'm hoping to take a lot of pictures when I travel next month." You babbled, sedated by the low conversation and soothing lights.
Before you could ask if you should call for the menu, multiple waiters with several platters appeared before your table. Without even breathing in your direction, they put the plates upon the table and left.
The fact that the table was already set and the menu pre-decided made you suspicious. Absence of any other diners apart from you didn't help either.
But that could wait.
You loved food. It was the one reason you loved having a full bank account. You could splurge on food anytime, without thinking twice. As you dug in, you lost yourself in the aroma and complexity of flavors.
By the time you stopped to take a break, half the dishes were cleared which was a testament to the fact that a large quantity of food had been put on the table.
But between the two of you, it seemed the table may be cleared sooner than you'd thought.
Jungkook ate with gusto. Honestly watching him eat whetted your appetite even more. He would stare at you for a while before you'd give him a questioning look and then he'd go back to eating again. This pattern repeated for a while until the man in front of you picked up a napkin and after dabbing at the corners of his mouth, began speaking in a cautious, practiced tone,
"Do you like your job?"
You looked at him with a bewildered expression on your face.
"I don't mind it." You spoke cautiously.
After staring at you for a moment, he spoke again
"Why?"
Your mouth popped open. Was he being serious? Was he looking down at your job? At least you weren't killing people and filling your banks with blood money, you sneered.
âUh to pay rent? Buy groceries? Travel?â You spoke, tone patronizing as if explaining it to a young kid.
Probably sensing your tone and disengagement, he steered the conversation towards another topic.
âYou like traveling? Is that why you're going to Paris?â He asked, twirling the whiskey that was in glass in his hand.
Watching the amber liquid swirl, you jolted out of your carbohydrate-induced bliss.
âHowâd you know Iâm going to Paris?â
Without a stutter, he replied, âYou just told me.â
âNo I didn't.â You didn't recall telling him that.
But the confidence in his tone and the unflinching way in which he returned your gaze made you question yourself. You couldâve mentioned it. You did mention vacation at the beginning of the evening, would it be too far-fetched to assume youâd mention the trip you were most looking forward to?
You looked up from the tablecloth youâd been digging holes into, trying to scour your memories. His voice broke you out of your reverie.
âI have a...proposition for you.â
âHm?â Did he want you to suck his dick under the table? It would explain why he brought you here.
âQuit your job at the club. Come work for me.â His voice deepened, hand reaching across the table, trying to find your hand but you had already put it in your lap.
âYou want me to be your exclusive whore?â You bit out.
He winced. His hand came to rub at his nape. He was such a dichotomy. You felt that if you were to call over the bald man from before, he would take a picture of this Jungkook just to be sure that it was what he was seeing through his eyes.
âIt doesn't have to be like th-â
âNo Jungkook. I don't wanna be bound to one man like that.â You interrupted him.
âWhy? Is it about the money? You know I can give you all the money you want. You'd never want for anything. I'll even take you on vacations often. Wherever you want to go. We cou-â He spoke, breathing picking up.
âNo. I can earn all the-â You tried to stop him.
But the sound of his hand slamming down upon the table so hard that all the plates trembled was enough to silence you.
His face was tense, breathing fast and hand clenched into a tight fist, he unbuttoned the topmost button on his shirt before speaking, looking much calmer and collected.
âIt's for your own good, YN. The dispute between us and the other group is at its peak and you know that damned clubâs caught in the middle of it. It's also no secret that I fuck you regularly. To them, thereâs nothing quite as delicious as spoils of war.
If something happens, don't say I didn't warn you.â
With a long look into your eyes, his hand raised up to motion something. a waiter came over with a few desserts.
Sweet delicacies that tasted bitter with fear.
This was the third time it was happening.
Ever since your meeting with Jungkook, heâd decided that not letting you earn at all was your punishment. Otherwise, what other reason could he have to do this?
Ever since that night, heâd book your earliest slot in advance. However, heâd not show up until later that night to take you, effectively not letting you take on other customers by blocking the time. The club wasn't like a doctorâs office that if you missed your appointment, the doctor could move on to another patient. Nuh-uh, the girl would have to wait for that customer to show up while sitting idle the entire night.
Besides, this was the bossâ appointment you were talking about. Jimin would hang you from the ceiling if you dared defy his orders.
Sighing, you looked towards the bodyguards stationed outside your door, moving to ask them the same question youâd ask them every other night.
âWhy hasn't sir arrived yet?â
And like every other night, you received the same answer,
âWe do not know. He must be busy, miss Y/L/N should wait for him.â
To hell with waiting!
You stormed out, eyes searching for Jimin to complain to him about the unfairness of it all. This must a business loss for him too.
Spotting him near the bar, instructing one of the bartenders, you call out his name as you reach him.
âJimin! Hey I need to ta-â
âYN, I was just going to look for you. Please be a dear and go into my office. There's a package for you.â
âHuh?â
âJust go.â He pushed you away, in the direction of the small cabin.
Opening the glass door, you saw a large, blue velvet covered box lying on one side of the mahogany table. You pick it up, seeing the paper pasted on the top signed as âJungkookâ in a scratchy scrawl.
Opening it, you come face to face with a gorgeous necklace studded with diamonds the size of your smallest toe. Putting it on your neck, the diamonds drip onto your chest, making you feel all bubbly inside.
and when that night Jungkook shows up, you smack a kiss onto his lips as he asks,
âLike it?â
âLove it.â
Putting the hoop through your ear piercing, you picked up the new tube of lipstick, dabbing it onto your moist lips. Your makeup routine was done for the night. You smiled at your reflection.
A knock on the door of your booth persuaded you to walk away from the mirror and open the thin door.
Hana stood outside, a soft smile on her face. You'd always liked her. She was nice and minded her own business most of the time.
"Hey YN. You wanna grab a drink? Business is really slow tonight so Jimin said we could chill for a while." She spoke, glancing at the bodyguards standing at both sides of the door, staring stoically ahead.
"Sure, let's go." You could really do with a drink right now.
Walking to the bar area, you perched upon the stool and rested your elbows on the island.
As the Shawn placed a fruity looking drink in front of both of you, you shifted to face Hana. Seeing her look weirdly nervous, you nudged her.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Feels like I'm sitting with the Queen of England. All the girls are way too scared to approach you, you know?" She giggled anxiously.
You snorted, a bit of the drink trickling out of your nose.
"Would the Queen do this? But seriously, did I kill someone in my sleep?" You questioned.
She gave you an incredulous look.
"You're with the boss now. You could very well get someone killed."
You were stumped. What kind of rumours were going around this place?
"We? With Jungkook? No chance and you know that better than anyone else Hana. I don't like being attached to one man."
Hana tilted her head before shaking it and smiling.
"You might not like it but it seems like he's already pretty attached." She whispered, motioning towards the two burly guards who were now standing near one end of the island, watching you two.
"Well sometimes you know that guys can and do get attached but its fleeting. And those guys are there waiting for their boss to arrive and look out for him, not me."
You did feel that Jungkook was getting attached, more than he should be. But it didn't faze you. You'd experienced this a few times in this line of work and come to know that this attachment stays only till they find something real, substantive out there.
Hana looked at you for a long moment before sighing.
"Whatever you say."
From the corner of your eye, you saw the guards disappear, probably to take a bathroom break.
Throwing back the contents of the glass, the two of you began talking about your upcoming trip to Paris and the shops you were planning to visit before leaving.
Suddenly, the main door slammed open as your back straightened, a weird feeling overcoming you.
Dozens of men marched in. Men who were armed to the teeth. sniper guns and knives strapped to their bodies and scary expressions upon their scarred, leathery faces.
One of them put a gun to Jimin's head as you heard multiple cries echo throughout the room, scared by the same treatment.
You tried to curl in on yourself, tried to make yourself small and unnoticeable.
You turned your head discreetly, trying to locate the guards. Surely, they'd help you, right? They had to. They would at least protect you against their rivals.
But they were nowhere to be found.
A voice boomed across the area,
"where's Jeon's bitch?!" The yell came out of the mouth of the man who held Jimin at gunpoint. You could see him tremble, although he tried to maintain his composure for the sake of the girls who already looked scared to death. They knew what these people could do and oftentimes, it was a fate worse than death.
When no one replied, the crowd grew angrier. A few nocked their victims by the butt end of their guns and cries echoed off the walls.
Your head was spinning. Jungkook's words reverbated in your mind. This was about to become your doomsday.
Hana's fingers that had been holding onto your arm, dug into your skin. Her face was flushed, eyes wide with fear.
"I'll ask again. Where is she?!" You knew it was only a matter of time before someone caved.
And so they did.
One of the newer bartenders, a newcomer into the city pointed a shaky finger at you.
Nasty grins that were thrown your way made you want to puke. Your heart thundered inside your chest, stories of their leader's sadism making your head light.
As a group of men began progressing towards you, you decided to try the only option left.
You tore through the corridor, running towards the men's washrooms. the bodyguards must be there. Or you were screwed.
The sound of multiple pairs of heavy, angry steps behind you made you accelerate. Your hyperventilating breaths made it hard to hear but a few of their nauseating threats made your stomach churn violently.
Seeing the door in sight, you began screaming for help, crying and yelling for them to come out. Bursting through the door, you immediately turned to lock it behind you but your inebriated state of mind spent a second too long.
You slipped upon the floor, the smell of urine and smoke filling your nostrils. Your vision was crowded by the horde of men pushing through the door, circling around you.
Your vision went hazy with tears. It felt like your heart would burst out of your chest as one of them took out a knife, walking towards you.
He crouched down, the armed hand reaching towards you oh so slowly.
You closed your eyes in resignation, a bone-deep exhaustion overcoming your senses.
Something went splat against the side of your face. Reaching a hand up to your cheek, you opened your eyes to look at your palm and screamed. Blood.
But not your own.
And then the screams began.
Sounds of guns firing and men hitting the floor. Finding an opportunity where you weren't noticed, you slipped behind one of the stalls, locking it and putting your feet up so they couldn't be seen through the gap at the bottom and for ten minutes you sat that way.
With your hands clapped over your ears to tune out the guns, screams and violence and your bottom lip caught between your teeth to silence the sobs that threatened to break out.
And suddenly, it was silent.
The sounds of shoes standing outside your door made you hyperventilate.
As the lock began to jiggle, you sobbed,
"Pl-please!"
You never thought you'd be happier to hear his voice than now
"Its me YN."
Throwing open the door, you fell into his arms, chest hurting due to the strength of your sobs.
The two of you fell on the floor, with you in his strong, capable arms, piss staining both your knees.
"Please don't let them take me." You cried, clutching at his collar in a tight grip.
"Never. They would never hurt you again." He spoke, his tone reassuring.
With fingers running through your hair, he picked you up, walking out.
He kept whispering in your ear about how no one would ever hurt you again, how he could always keep you safe and protected in his house, his domain, how you should just listen to him.
Hugging his shoulders, you sobbed.
And before the door of the washroom closed, the vision of it was seared into your brain.
Bodies lying in pools of blood, jaws shot off, brains splattered across the tiles. Still, lifeless bodies.
AND FOR FUCKâS SAKE, ITâS NOT âSIKEâ; ITâS âPSYCHâ. AS IN âI PSYCHED YOU OUTâ; BECAUSE YOU MOMENTARILY MADE SOMEONE BELIEVE SOMETHING THAT WASNâT TRUE.
synopsis: things never went according to plan; career wise, family wise, relationship wise and especially not when you were suddenly saddled with an infant to raise but you learned to roll with the punches. except the next challenge you were about to face wasn't a punch, it was a machine gun.
pairing: kang yeosang x reader
genre: mafia au, fluff, angst and smut
word count: 21.3k
taglist: @tohokuu @bangtanxberm
Kang Yeosang was going to kindergarten.
Now this wouldnât be weird had it not been for the fact it was already time for the preschool to close. Or that he was 26 years old.
But still, Kang Yeosang, with his hair bleached blond and wearing tattered jeans and a pair of ratty sneakers made his way towards âLittle Ducklings Preschoolâ with his hands stuffed into his hoodie. With each step he took, his heart pounded so violently against his ribcage that he felt a little pathetic. I mean, what mafia member trembled like a leaf while walking towards a place filled with toddlers?
It wasnât quite the slimy toddlers he was afraid of, but the woman who taught them, his darling mother.
Yeosang and his mother used to be really close growing up and she was the only one to support him when he said he wanted to pursue computer science as a major and eventually started a career path of becoming a hacker. However, they had a falling out 8 months ago when she found out that he wasnât exactly a lawful one.
No, he worked with a mafia gang named Ateez as a hacker and IT specialist. To say his mother was not pleased would be an understatement. She threw him out of the house and refused to see him ever again, horrified that the son she raised had gone so off the right path no matter how much he tried to convince her that while some of it was unethical, he did some good too.
As a last resort, he tried to contact her using an encrypted thread of messages, but she ignored them. He was hurt, but still respected that this drift was a cause of his own actions. He knew she wouldnât have supported it but agreed to do it anyway and now he had to deal with the fallout.
They went months without any contact until one day he received a message on the thread he had forgotten about a long while ago from his mother, asking him to meet her today and that was exactly why he was headed to her preschool.
The school was quaint and tiny like he expected, the ceilings were low enough for him to touch and the stairs were short enough to make sure toddlers with their tiny and clumsy legs wouldnât fall easily. Everything was painted so brightly, with characters and cartoons drawn on the side of the walls and even the floor.
He reached the school just as it was letting out; parents were holding the hands of their happy mini humans that skipped beside him. He was used to this of course; his mother had been a teacher all his life, so it wasnât rare that he showed up to her kindergarten just as school was ending. However, it did seem to alarm him that most of the parents looked closer to his age. Oh god, was he already that old? Were other people his age already having kids?
His mother was standing at the exit of her classroom, waving goodbye to the children, and having short conversations with their parents. As he approached her and peeked through the classroom, he noticed only one girl was left and she was calmly drawing on a piece of paper that she was given to keep occupied until she got picked up.
His mother had missed him, he could see it in her eyes and felt it in the way her hug had lingered for just moment longer, but she still resisted making a big deal about it.
âI was actually surprised that you asked to see me, mom.â He admitted and then watched her bashfully stare into the classroom, keeping an eye on her last remaining student before she steeled her expression and looked back at him.
âI still donât support the choices youâve made, Yeosang.â She was cutting right to business, âBut you said that you could do good, and I want to believe you. Thatâs why I called you here today. I need some help.â
Yeosangâs brows pinched together, what could his mother possibly want from him?
âMom, did you involve yourself in my work?â Realizing what he was insinuating, his mother rolled her eyes, offended that he would even entertain an absolutely absurd thought such as that.
âNot me, one of parents here. Sheâs in a bit of a situation and I told her that you might be able to help. Iâm hoping you will be.â
He immediately wanted to say no. When it came to cases like this, they either wanted money or owed someone else money. It was never a good idea to get involved but this was the first time in 8 months that his mother asked to see him, willing to look past his choices in life if he could just help this one parent and he wanted to at least find out what she needed his help was.
âMrs. Kang!â You interrupted, rushing up to the door while looking at your watch. You grimaced when you realized you were already 25 minutes late. However, she didnât look peeved at all, instead smiled at you kindly as you approached her with an apologetic look on your face.
âTrouble getting away from work?â
You sighed, pushing away the strands of hair that managed to fall out from your ponytail in your hurry to get there, âAn absolute mess. Some idiot left the fume box open and there was a huge contamination thing and even though we went through the proper procedures, my asshole supervisorââ
It seemed like you finally realized there was another person standing beside you, âIâm interrupting something. Iâm really sorry, Mrs. Kang.â
âDonât worry about it, dearie. This is Yeosang, my son.â She smiled, gesturing to the man standing beside her and your eyes widened, remembering the conversation you had with her a couple of days ago. When she said her son could help you, you didnât think she was being serious.
âSol-ah, your aunt is here to pick you up.â She called and you glanced into the classroom to see your niece look up from the paper she was drawing on. She was the only one left in the classroom and your heart squeezed in your chest with guilt for leaving her alone for so long. Her face lit up when she saw you waiting by the door and she quickly gathered up her things, leaving the crayons strewn about on the table as she ran up to you.
You smiled widely, crouching to her level, and gently cupping her cheek, âSol-ah, you should clean up after yourself.â You scolded softly, gesturing to the items she left messily on the table and even though you could see she knew what she did was wrong, she didnât want to leave your side for a while longer. She never admitted it, but you could tell she had a little fear of abandonment that festered when she was away from you for a long time.
âOh, donât worry about that, Iâll clean it up.â
âI donât want to give you more work. You already looked after her for so long.â To be honest, you were still grasping at straws when it came to this whole parenting thing but so far, you were making it work and for now that had to be enough.
âOh hush, you work hard too. Iâll handle this, you should get home.â You wouldnât be heading home until tonight. Youâd be bringing Sol to your workplace, leaving her in the day-care beside it even though she always cried and screamed, not wanting to be left alone again for the second time in the day. Even though it practically ripped your heart apart to see her face wet with tears, your work demanded you to be in the lab the entire day and it wasnât safe to bring a child there.
While you were looking for other job opportunities, working at your current job was paying the bills, putting a roof over your head, and letting you live relatively comfortably for the time being and you couldnât give it up no matter how much you wanted to.
You took Solâs bag from her, kissing her cheek and like clockwork, she returned a sloppy one on yours, wrapping her tiny arms around your neck before you both held hands and walked away from the classroom. Yeosang just stood there beside his own mother, feeling a little out of place before she smacked his arm lightly and motioned him to follow you, which he did but not before kissing her cheek goodbye.
You didnât even realize that Yeosang was following you until you got to your car, and he tapped on your shoulder. You acknowledged him with a polite nod of your head before looking back at your niece and opening the car door.
Once you were sure she was sitting comfortably in the car seat and buckled her in, you switched on the car and played the soundtrack to frozen to keep her occupied, âSol-ah, auntie needs to talk to her friend for a minute. Are you okay with waiting until weâre done?â
She looked a little concerned for a moment before you reassured her that youâd be right outside the car and then timidly nodded, glancing at Yeosang before looking at her lap. You gently shut the door, glancing at her as she rocked her legs to the rhythm and smiled softly.
âSorry about that. Thank you for coming here, your mother is really kind for calling you, but you donât really have to do anything. Iâll tell her that you couldnât really do anything to help me.â
He raised a brow, âHow about you tell me what you need help with so I can make that judgement for myself?â
You seemed unsure and he could tell by the way your hands tightened around the strap of your purse before you glanced back at Sol sitting in the backseat, giddily singing along to âDo You Wanna Build A Snowmanâ and sighed.
âItâs kind of a long story.â You admitted, glancing up at him but his stance was steady, not representing any rush to get away quickly and like this was all just one big formality.
He glanced at the girl sitting inside the car that seemed content with just listening to the songs from her favourite movies. Even though you made sure it wasnât playing too loudly, the car was still vibrating lightly from the beats of the songs.
âShe doesnât look like sheâs in a rush.â
You chuckled and nodded, âWell, first off, Iâm (Y/N) (L/N) and thatâs Sol, my niece. Sheâs my sisterâs daughter. My sister and I were close growing up but when I turned twenty, she kind of went MIA. She rarely visited and barely ever called or texted. About 2 years ago, one night, she showed up at my apartment. She was a little franticâŠ...â
Frantic could be considered an understatement when she showed up at your house at in the middle of the night with a large bundle of blankets cradled in her arms. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her face was pale and sunken like she hadnât eaten in months.
âListen I donât have a lot of time to explain but youâre the only one I could trust.â She rambled, stepping into your apartment and even though you tried to sit her down and get her to explain, she was in shambles and couldnât even get her thoughts straightened out enough to explain her situation.
She shoved the blankets into your arms and your eyes widened when you realized that within the cloth lay a baby girl that remained fast asleep even though she was being jostled around. She threw a bag on the couch, and you noticed a birth certificate belonging to the baby among other things inside it.
âHer name is Sol and sheâs my daughter.â Your head snapped towards her in shock, but she didnât look fazed, only staring at you back with determination, âI need you to take care of her. Please.â
âI donât understand what youâre saying.â You frantically said, anxiety building up from the way she was pacing and suddenly saying all these things that you couldnât comprehend.
âHer father is a horrible person. A mafia boss. And heâs looking for her and I. Iâm going far away, but I need to keep her safe. Donât contact the police, donât look for me, and please just look after her and keep her far away from her father. I beg you.â
That was all she said before she ran out the door and slammed it behind her. You hesitated for a second, mind short circuiting from all the information you received in the last few minutes before you thought to run after her.
Unfortunately, the baby chose that minute to wake up, screaming her lungs out from being woken up and you were left trying to calm her down. She was inconsolable, wailing loudly as her face slowly turned red from the amount of screaming and now overwhelmed and flustered, you couldnât help the frustrated tears that began running down your cheeks as you wept beside her.
ââŠI tried looking for her without notifying the police but itâs like she dropped off the map and no one has seen or heard from her.â You explained.
âYou know that if sheâs gone off the grid for 2 years after running away from the mafia, thereâs a huge chance sheâsââ
âDead?â You prompted when he trailed off, not wanting to upset you, âIâm coming to terms with that. But that isnât the problem.â
âThen what is?â Yeosang asked.
âHer father is looking for her. There have been people poking around my workplace and apartment, asking around about my sister. Iâm scared that once he finds out that I have Sol, heâs going to take her. And I canât let Sol go to him, I just canât. But I donât know what to do, or to whom to go.â You explained, suddenly feeling anxious about the whole thing. Saying it aloud now was staring to make everything feel real, even though you were trying to avoid it.
So far, you were content living in the imaginary safe world that you set up for Sol, so she didnât have to live in fear of a scary man finding her and taking her away from her auntie, but it seemed like you were also starting to believe your own act.
âDo you know who he is? Or what gang heâs from?â
You shook your head, frowning, âShe didnât tell me anything. Listen, Yeosang, I know Iâm asking for a lot, and you have no reason to help me but Iâm really in trouble here and your mother tells me that you can help. Iâm ready to do anything to repay you, can you please just consider helping me out?â
When it came to Sol, you werenât beneath grovelling. In the 2 years that you spent raising her, you had come to value her above anything and everything else in your life and even the thought of her being in danger could have you selling your soul to anyone that could keep her safe.
Yeosang looked at you while you were staring at your shoes while clutching the door handle of the car tightly, but he still noticed the way your fingers slightly shook from the grip. You were bearing your soul to him during your first meeting, and he would be lying if he said he wasnât a little overwhelmed by it.
âIâll look into it.â He said, suddenly remembering how his mother had clasped his hand so tightly and requested him to help you. He didnât want to disappoint her again.
You breathed a sigh of relief, smiling widely as you fished through your purse and grabbed a business card to hand to him, âThatâs my phone number, in case you want to contact me.â
Luckily, the soundtrack seemed to finish at that moment and Sol was lightly tapping on the window with her tiny fist, âAuntie!â
You spared one last smile at Yeosang, asking him if he wanted a ride anywhere which he declined before getting into your car and pulling out of the parking space. He watched you drive away, pulling out his phone to write down your license plate number before deciding to take his leave.
He chuckled when he noticed the little girl staring at him from the window just as you drove away from the preschool.
***
Your life was all about adapting to change. Like when you were 22 and fresh out of college and you got employed by a chemical company, you had to change your inspiration and interest in the field when you realized that your job did not in fact include blowing up things in chemical explosions.
You grew up attached to the hip with your sister and close to your family but since your parentsâ retirement when they moved to the countryside and your sister cutting off contact, you had to learn to rely on yourself when it came to day-to-day things.
And then, the most important of all, when Sol came into your life, you had to change everything. Your bedroom became Solâs as soon as she was old enough to have her own and you were stuck using the pull-out couch. You had to prepare all your meals in advance and in bulk so after a long day of work, you could immediately give her dinner, give her a bath, and then put her to sleep before tending to yourself.
You had to wake up earlier so you could get her ready and then drop her off at kindergarten. Your lunch breaks were spent driving her to day-care after kindergarten let up before shovelling down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich you made yourself and Sol for lunch. Pay checks were put into the bank for the future and her school fund and whatever you managed to save for spending were all to take her to the newest Disney movie or a childrenâs fair.
And finally, the most important change that happened was in your work ethic. Usually, you were on top of your work, finishing on-sight work and immediately filling out the report that very day. However, now you let weeks of reports build up and punch the clock in the lab. Then when the time finally came to submit them, you would inform your supervisor that youâd be working from home to finish them.
Sol would miss a day of preschool as well and youâd spend the entire day together, with you working on the reports before she woke up and after she slept and during any time in between.
It wasnât the best situation, youâd admit. But every night when you tucked her in and turned off the light, youâd feel reenergised just watching her peaceful face as she cuddled her penguin plushie. Yes, your muscles were screaming and yes, your stomach had been grumbling for so long that it eventually gave up, but it was so worth it to see her grow up.
When you first met Sol as a two-year-old, she had an unattractive choppy bob, was wobbly on her feet, cried loudly and constantly. It took weeks for her to stop crying for her mother and get used to the fact that youâd be consoling her now when she woke up in the middle of the night and that itâd be you who fed her. It wasnât like you were the only one who had challenges, no, the trauma of her mother leaving her stuck with her even as she grew up.
You didnât know why though; you had talked to her paediatrician about it, but she said that it wasnât your fault. You loved her enough to compensate for her mother and took care of her exceptionally but her sudden severance of her first relationship had understandably made a mark on the way she made relationships in the future.
You could tell; she was attached and feared strangers. She never let you leave without telling her how long youâd be gone and where you were going. Hence the reason you stopped going for drinks with your friends after long days of work. Instead, you met them for lunch while Sol tagged along.
Sol wasnât very demanding, that you were thankful for. She didnât need constant attention and rarely felt neglected when you werenât paying attention to her. For her, it was enough that you were in the house with her, and she was laying in your lap while she watched a movie on the TV, and you typed noisily on your computer.
Today was such a day, your adorable niece was watching âTangledâ while she happily munched on the fried rice with sausage that you had cooked up for lunch. You took your eyes off the screen only for a few seconds to make sure she was eating her vegetables along with her lunch and not just pushing it to the side.
Sol clumsily sang along to the songs, and you chuckled. A lot of those snooty mothers at her preschool turned their noses at you because you let her watch so much TV, but she was the only 4-year-old in her class that knew big words and developed skills for understanding the meaning of words from context just because she heard it in her favourite movies.
Considering you had no friends and Sol didnât have any friends that could drive over here, you were alarmed when the doorbell rang. Sol on the other hand, who only ever heard the doorbell when you ordered takeout, looked excited.
When you opened the door, Mrs. Kangâs son was standing there with a blank expression and lingering slightly awkwardly in the hallway.
âHey! You! Youâre at my house! And I donât remember giving you my address?â You rambled, not opening the door too much and he nodded, the image of cool even though you were slightly freaked out.
âYou donât remember my name, do you?â
Itâs true; you had absolutely no idea. Which actually made you feel kind of pathetic considering you knew all the names of the Winx Club fairies, their elemental powers, and the magical land they came from. And yet you couldnât remember the name of the guy who could likely help keep your niece safe.
âSangâŠYeob?â
âThatâs an actor.â
âStill doesnât explain how youâre here.â
âI hacked into the kindergartenâs database and found your home address.â He replied, acting like that was completely normal which slightly concerned you, âDonât worry, it wasnât difficult. Kindergartens donât really have a firewall.â
âYes, because thatâs what I was concerned about.â
Now that you were saying it, you were kind of concerned about it. Maybe Sol should transfer? Before you even realized you were already spiralling, and you held the door almost close to turn around and spare a glance at Sol who was very calmly eating her lunch.
âListen, Iâve got some information about the guy youâre trying to find. May I come in?â You almost thought of saying no and closing the door in his face but then you remembered how Mrs. Kang told you that her son âknew his way around computersâ.
âUh, sure.â Cautiously, you let him in and lead him towards the dining table. He had a bag along with him that he opened as soon as he sat down. You hovered a little awkwardly by the door and Sol seemed to notice the presence of someone new in the house.
She quickly paused the movie and padded over to you and hid behind your legs to peek at Yeosang who grabbed a thin laptop from the bag. She looked up at you with wide eyes before mouthing âWhoâs that?â
You didnât want to alarm her and say it was just a stranger and make her feel a little insecure with an outsider in her home, but you also didnât want her to feel so comfortable with him that her judgment may be impaired if they ever met without your supervision.
âUh, this is auntieâs friend, Yeosang.â You whispered, crouching down so she wouldnât be looking up at you. She nodded contemplatively and looked back at him who continued to pretend like he couldnât hear you talking about and staring at him. Children werenât really the experts in subtlety.
âLike Mi-nah?â She whispered back, trying awfully hard to keep her voice low but he definitely heard her, considering the way the corner of his mouth crooked up in amusement. Mi-nah was her âbestâ friend at kindergarten who took Solâs blue play-doh without asking and you didnât like her, but you assumed you couldnât do much about it.
You wiped away a grain of rice stuck to the corner of her mouth and nodded. Satisfied with your explanation, she went back to the coffee table in front of the television and continued to eat. You made a mental note not to let her watch TV while eating dinner because she was taking too long to finish.
When you stepped beside the dining table to see what Yeosang wanted to show you, you were reminded of the burning of your stomach in hunger. The pot on the kitchen counter with the remaining fried rice called your attention and you smiled a little shyly at the man sitting at the table.
âDo you want some lunch?â
And thatâs how you both ended up eating fried rice and sausage from plastic bowls themed with the Bare Bears (Yeosang with Ice, You with Panda and Sol with Grizzly) while he discussed his plans with you. He unintentionally laughed when he realized that you cut the sausages to resemble octopi with little sesame seed eyes. But both you and Sol agreed that they tasted better when they were cut that way.
âAlright so I donât really have much because you havenât really given me a place to start. I need all the information about your sister and whoever this father is.â He said and you nodded, grabbing your laptop from the living room, only sparing a few seconds to chastise Sol for not finishing her lunch still and telling her that it better be finished before the movie gets over.
âI found out that the hospital that my sister had gone to during the first few months of her pregnancy was different to the one she went to from around her third trimester to when she gave birth.â You informed, recalling the time you had done your own investigation shortly after Sol was put in your care.
You found out the hospital she was born in from her birth certificate and upon asking them about your sister, they pointed you to her first hospital from where her files were transferred. The first hospital told you that she came there for monthly check-ups and ultrasounds with the father of the baby until one day she stopped showing up and a request for her file came from another hospital.
âShe used to show up there with the father but since it was way before the birth, his name wasnât logged on. Or maybe he requested for it not to get registered. Something must have happened during her pregnancy that drove them apart for her to transfer hospitals and show up alone. Then Sol is born, and my sister goes on the run for the next year, give or take before finally giving her to me.â
You made sure to keep your voice lower than the sound of Rapunzel and Eugene singing âI See The Lightâ in the living room so that Sol wouldnât get curious as to why you were talking about her and then not leave you alone.
You had your sisterâs legal name but just the name and nothing else makes a person difficult to track so you scoured through whatever files you had compiled during your own search of your sister that came up short. You gave Yeosang the frame of time that Sol was given to you as well as your sisters social security number.
When he pulled up the servers for all the airports in the city and then something that looked similar to the source code, with countless lines of numbers and letters you couldnât understand with a bunch of random symbols in the middle and all in the classic âhackerâ style font.
âI donât know how I feel about you hacking into government servers.â You admitted, feeling nervous about all of this. He was going to do something very illegal and in your house. Wouldnât the authorities be able to track you from your IP address or Wi-Fi or something like that?
âDonât worry, I already hacked into them years ago and set up a backdoor for me to enter without alerting anybody and do as I please. They check the codes every once in a while, for maintenance, but I set up a polymorphic code to change its location and make it blend in so itâs undetected during checks. Pretty smart right?â
You ignored the fact that you didnât understand a word he said and just nodded, sheepishly muttering a few words in agreement before you voiced your concerns to him once again.
âJust think of it as a library. All Iâm coming in to do is read the information. Iâm not doing anything to the books, just reading them.â
âIf that was the case then itâd be available to everyone.â You replied curtly. You recalled a chapter from one of the many parenting books that were on your bookshelf about teaching your kids right from wrong and when to show leniency; you made a mental note to research how to deal with situations when the ends justify the means with Sol.
âYes, but thatâs the reason you havenât found anything in two years. Now do you want my help or not?â
You sighed in defeat and nodded. He quickly opened up the database of all of the airports from the past 2 years of travel and then used a programme to filter all the saved results and find anything that might resemble your sister.
Nothing came up around the time that she left, meaning that if she had left the country then she hadnât used a plane to leave from here. That made your heart sink; even though you definitely hadnât kept your hopes up, you did kind of pray that Yeosang would be the key to all your problems.
He changed the frame of time to 5 years and ran the programme again.
This time a couple results came up.
During the time your sister would have been pregnant with Sol, she travelled somewhere and then came back right before Sol was born. Meaning that if she hadnât travelled alone, her companion was most likely the father. Luckily, the flight information was still saved and Yeosang opened the passenger list from the same plane and extracted the passenger information from it. He eliminated any ineligible candidates and then showed the compiled list of people that could have been the father.
âIâll do a background check on them after I head home.â He said, beginning to pack up his stuff.
âWhy canât you do it right now?â
âYouâre sweating buckets because I hacked the airport, and I donât want to know whatâs going to happen when I hack a police database.â
So thatâs what was running down your back.
Finally, you stopped hearing the TV in the background and Sol padded into the kitchen with her thankfully empty bowl and placed it by the sink. You really werenât in the mood for her to have a fit when you forced her to eat her vegetables and then give you the silent treatment until you promised her dessert and then watched âTangledâ. Again.
She tiptoed at the table, peering up at Yeosangâs face with an inquisitive look and you knew what was going to come after. Damn, children are so difficult to work with; do you shut her down now and hinder her curious nature for the sake of social cues or do you let her be a little quirky and ask questions?
âHow old are you?â She asked, innocently.
â26.â Yeosang answered simply and even though it was pretty normal, she gasped at his answer and her eyes began twinkling, startling him just a little bit, âWow, youâre so big!â
You laughed under your breath and a smile grew on your face at his expression which was a mix between amused and befuddled. That was something that adults couldnât quite understand about children, and you had been caught off guard by her questions many times before. Children were smart enough to know when things were different to what they knew and how to ask questions about it, it was just that they were a little inexperienced when it came to obvious answers.
âDid you finish school?â She squeaked out, staring up at him with wide eyes and an excited smile.
Yeosang thankfully took her questions in stride and just laughed good-naturedly before nodding. Though you could see that he was still a little uncomfortable.
âCan you sit in the front seat of the car?!â
He smirked and booped her nose with a finger, âI can even drive one.â
She gasped and scampered over to your side, patting your thighs excitedly, âAuntie, heâs so cool!â
You smiled at her and nodded, patting her head gently, âYou wanna know something? Heâs actually Mrs. Kang son.â
Sol gasped and looked at Yeosang for confirmation, who just nodded. Then her face scrunched up in confusion and a pout formed on her face, âI thought childrens have to be small?â
âWell, theyâre small at the start but then after a few years they become big like Yeosang and I. Youâll become a big girl one day too.â You explained and you noticed Yeosang beginning to take his bag to leave. He felt a little out of place, which was understandable, so you cut your explanation short and promised to talk about this again over dinner before you led him to the front door.
âThanks for everything today.â You murmured, opening the door for him and he shook his head, âDo you want me to come over after I get the results or just call you?â
âDepends, my schedule is pretty full. If you find out when Iâm busy, then Iâd prefer just an email so I can look it over after work.â
Sol lingered by your legs, letting the two of you talk without her interrupting but you could tell from the way she began shuffling from one foot to another that she was getting impatient. She was getting a little groggy, you realized that youâd have to put her down for a nap and mentally prepared yourself for the fight she was going to put up.
âYou work a lot, donât you?â
âYeah, things in my life continue to be a little unexpected so I figure saving money for a rainy day would be good.â You explained, being incredibly careful not to mention anything that would make Sol think youâre talking about her.
He nodded empathetically and it was weird how much relief his understanding brought you. It was difficult to find someone in the same boat you were, considering your circles in your career and how you didnât have time outside it for anyone else other than Sol. So, someone who understood that you were doing the best you could muster was something you really craved for.
Of course, Sol was worth it, but it didnât hurt to hear once in a while. Even though he didnât actually say it.
âIâll be going.â He said and suddenly Sol piped up like she had been rehearsing her line for a while, âBye!â
He spared her a kind smile, âBye, Sol.â
Her cheeks turned red, and you shut the door after nodding at Yeosang. She was smiling shyly at her shoes, and you werenât sure whether you were entertained or deeply disturbed by how she was suddenly taken by Yeosang. You had a crush on Robert Downy Junior when you were kid, it wasnât weird. Except it was.
Guess you knew what youâd be researching on several parenting blogs after you finished your work.
Yeosang was still standing outside the door when he heard you call out âSol-ah, nap time.â
A smile grew on his face before he realized it when it was followed by a loud whine, âBut I donât wanna!â
***
Yeosang had certainly gotten more comfortable with you since you had last met him. Even though you told him you had a pretty busy schedule, he usually showed up after Sol was asleep so you both could talk in privacy. So far, the search had been going pretty well, considering before you met him, you were absolutely clueless.
You were simply happy that it was going somewhere.
Out of the men that were with your sister on the plane, a couple of them had priors but not one of them had anything extremely incriminating that would make it obvious. So, he was resorting to finding other means to track down what your sister had been doing a couple of years before she got pregnant.
It was another late night for the both of you. You were drinking tea and trying to catch up on all the unopened mails and paying any due bills. Yeosang was pretending to enjoy the tea you made him while trying to track down any credit or debit cards your sister might have registered under her name.
Around one-thirty in the middle of the night, a doorbell rang, and you shared a glance with Yeosang.
âIâm not expecting anybody.â You whispered, feeling something similar to dread and panic fill in your stomach when you noticed the alarmed expression on his face. Whoever was behind the door began knocking incessantly, bordering on bangs that made the hinges shake.
âStay with Sol.â He whispered to you before reaching behind his back to pull out a gun. Your eyes widened, âWhy do you have a gun?!â
âDo you really want to know?â He replied in a harsh whisper, and you glared at him, âHave you been bringing a gun into my house while my niece is here?â
âDo you want to continue arguing about this or do you want me to answer the door?â
The barrage of knocks on your front door had weirdly tuned out when you were having a whispered fight with Yeosang. Now it seemed like it got louder, matching the harsh rhythm of your heart and you nodded before getting up and hurrying to Solâs room. You locked the door behind you, cowering by her bed and making sure she hadnât stirred.
It was like a horror movie began playing out in your own apartment. The door even emitted an eerie squeal when Yeosang finally opened it and you heard a couple bangs and thuds like they were fighting. You flinched at every sound, finding whatever comfort you could in the sight of Sol sleeping peacefully, relieved that she hadnât woken up. No doubt, sheâd be in tears and frightened if she saw how anxious you were.
Then it was silent.
A soft knock came at Solâs door and your stomach churned, â(Y/N), open up.â
You sighed in relief at Yeosangâs voice, rushing to unlock the door and meet his eyes. His hair and clothes were a little messed up and his gun was still in his hands, but it was his expression that scared you; it was steely and cold with a touch of alarm. Usually, he was hard to read, keeping his expression stoic but you had gotten the hang of sensing his emotions in the few times of meeting him.
He was usually calm with a touched amused and you had yet to see such an expression from him and now that you have, you realized that something had gone very, very wrong.
âGet Sol. We need to get out of here, now.â
A thousand questions were rushing through your head. Who was at the door? What had happened to him? Why did you have to leave? Where would you go? But you kept your lips sealed, rushing to Solâs side, and bundling in her blankets, pulling her into your arms.
She woke up now that you were carrying her, looking up at you groggily, âAuntie? Whatâs happening?â
âWeâre going on a little trip, Sol-ah.â You told her, forcing a smile on your face to keep from scaring her, âGo back to sleep, baby. Iâll wake you up when weâre there.â
âWhere are we going?â She asked, slowly beginning to fall back asleep as you rocked her gently, âI dunno. Yeosang is taking us somewhere. Go to sleep now.â
You handed her to Yeosang that was standing in the doorway of her bedroom. He was startled for a second, holding her tightly against his chest on instinct and you rushed through the apartment getting your hands on whatever you could and stuffing it into any bag you could find.
Solâs favourite plushie and a few of her clothes, all your passports and such, grabbing a pair of shoes for her before you slipped on your own and grabbed your car keys. When you rushed out of the apartment, you took a moment to glance over the railing in the corridor and your stomach hollowed out when you saw the silhouette of what looked like a body on the ground floor.
Still, you didnât ask Yeosang about it, not wanting to know and just led the way down to the parking garage.
You sat quietly in the front seat while Yeosang drove to wherever he was taking the two of you. Sol was buckled up in her car-seat, her blanket snug around her and you stole a glance of her before looking out the window and staring at the lamp posts that passed the car.
Yeosang called someone while you just tried to wrap your head around everything that had just happened.
âHey, Mingi. I have aââ He spared a glance at your shaking form in the passenger seat and chose to speak very carefully, âSituation that I need you to take care of. Iâll send you the address. Try and get it done in the next hour. Yeah, thanks.â
When he set down the phone in the cupholder, he noticed the way silent tears were slowly dripping down your cheeks. You were cupping your mouth shut, trying to get yourself to calm down but you couldnât help but cry. This helplessness, this feeling of not knowing what was coming next; it was the exact same thing you had felt when Sol was dropped off in your apartment all those years ago.
You had done everything in your power to keep from ever feeling like that again. You read a hundred parenting books, you made sure to keep Sol comfortable enough with you so that she grew up with a healthy relationship with her caretaker and you had spent every waking moment thinking about what was best for her so much that it border lined on obsession.
Because it was these moments that made you wonder why you were doing this in the first place? Why were you letting yourself go through something so terrible and taxing and putting yourself through so much grief for something you never even asked for? You never asked for this, you never asked for all these hardships to come into your life, it was just given to you.
And it would be so easy to just give them up.
These were the horrible, disgusting thoughts that often invaded your mind when you found things to be difficult. That it would be so easy to just take a step away from this chaos and then never come back. It would be so easy to just do the bad thing.
So, overwrought with guilt and something dark inside you, you cried silently in the seat beside Yeosang, trying so hard to keep it together and not jump out of the moving vehicle that instant.
Yeosang sighed and pulled up to a drive-thru in McDonalds, ignoring the surprised look you sent him when he lowered down the window.
âCan I have like a shit ton of nuggets, fries, all the sauces you have, two hot chocolates and whatever sweet cake or donut thing you have? Oh, and please give us a lot of napkins.â
He then turned back to you, âThereâs no easy way to say thisââ You held your breath, âBut I really donât like how you make your tea.â
Yeosang didnât really get to appreciate how hilarious you looked when the incredulous laugh left your mouth, face red and blotchy from the crying with sunken eyes that seemed to sparkle because of the tears that were held in them.
***
Yeosang had taken you back to his friendâs home. He lived in an apartment not too far from it, but he thought keeping the two of you in the Hongjoongâs home would have been safer. You had arrived at around 3 a.m. after Yeosang had explained what was going to happen from this point on in the parking lot of a McDonalds while you ate chicken nuggets.
He had been surprisingly responsible and ready to take you and Sol in. You donât remember ever being able to rely on someone in the last 2 years. Hell, some of your co-workers were unable and incompetent when it came to their own jobs, so you had been bearing the brunt of work independently for a long while.
But now, Yeosang was starting to become a supporting figure in your life, and you were trying so hard not to rely on him completely because you knew that one day the rug would be pulled out from under your feet, and you would end up just as unprepared and burdened as you were the first time when your sister had dumped Sol on you in the first place.
You didnât want to take that chance.
For the moment, you were going to stay in Yeosangâs assigned room in Hongjoongâs house where he sometimes stayed over. It was a pretty empty and minimalistic room aside from the arrangement of computers in the corner and the extendable desk that extended till the bed so he could quite literally work until he fell asleep.
He woke the two of you up bright and early, well it was early for you but since Yoon-ah had a good nightâs rest, she wasnât nearly as tired as you were. You wanted to sleep in, emotionally exhausted and extremely dehydrated from all the crying you did last night but Yeosang didnât let you, going as far as to yank you in a sitting position and force feeding you a cup of coffee while Sol cheered for you to wake up.
It wasnât until after you washed up (where Sol threw a tantrum about brushing her teeth because the toothbrush that Yeosang bought from the convenience store wasnât the same as her own with the Disney princesses on it) that he told you that he was going to introduce you to his friends. You had quickly understood that his friends did the same kind of work as him.
âAre you sure Sol should be meeting them?â You fretted as he showed you around the entire mansion. This place was so unnecessarily big that you couldnât even imagine ever being able to find your way around. Luckily, the bathroom and kitchen were not too far from it so hopefully, youâd never have to venture any place else without Yeosang.
âTheyâre not scary people, (Y/N). And besides, this is more for Sol anyway. She should know their faces at least in case they would ever need to pick her up.â He told you, leading you back to the main room that was beside his own.
âWhy would they ever have to pick her up without me?â You asked pointedly, widening your eyes at him at his implication. He didnât reply and you sighed, making sure that Sol wasnât wandering around and getting distracted by the other rooms.
When you entered the room to find nine new faces staring at you, Sol ducked behind your back, clinging onto your coat. It was no surprise that she would react like this, she was very timid and reserved when it came to people her own age but being in a room with so many people that she didnât recognize that were way bigger than her made her feel scared.
âThis is (Y/N) and her niece, Sol.â Yeosang introduced, and you tried your best to give them a smile, bowing your head at them. You had already met Hongjoong last night when you entered his home. He, along with his wife, had seen you with bloodshot eyes and a runny nose after sitting outside the car in the cold and crying for nearly an hour.
The hacker introduced them all by name to you and you had to admit that he was right. You were expecting giant men with huge scars and face tattoos and machine guns and leather jackets but if you hadnât known any better, they just looked like random dudes. The beanpole, who was named Yunho, was even wearing a fluffy lavender sweater and you were reeling at just how normal they looked.
You heard your phone ring in the other room and realized it was probably your boss who was calling to find out just what emergency had you using all of your vacation days without any notice. You gave the rest of them an apologetic smile before excusing yourself.
Sol, who had been hiding behind your back, had now been exposed to the rest of them and upon realizing that they were all looking at her, scrambled behind Yeosangâs legs, wrapping her arms tightly around his thigh and smushing her face against his jeans.
He chuckled awkwardly, shooting a glare at Mingi and Wooyoung who gave him teasing grins before looking down at the girl who seemed close to tears. It was the first time you had left him alone with her, no doubt you were still out of it, considering everything that happened in the past few days.
He gently pulled her away from his leg before kneeling to look her in the eye with a tender smile, âYou want to meet my friends? Theyâre nice, I promise.â
She looked uncertain, holding onto the front of his shirt in tiny fists as she glanced back at the rest of them. They all gave her the warmest smiles they could muster but she still looked a little frightened.
Yeosang gently patted her head, âItâs okay. Iâll be here the whole time.â
With that reassurance, she silently nodded, holding his hand tightly as he led her to the rest of them.
***
âHis nameâs Logan Nam.â Yeosang informed you, turning the computer to show you the screen. A picture of a man who couldnât be more than 5 years older than you stared back. At first glance, he looked put together, with his hair slicked back neatly and his clothes were crisp and clean. He looked more like a rich, mysterious CEO type character that you would see in a drama.
But something insidious was hidden in his dark eyes that made your skin crawl as you felt like he could somehow see you through the screen.
âThe guy that came by your apartment was a criminal for hire. I got his phone and most of the communication was deleted aside from a significant amount deposited to his bank account before it happened.â He told you, passing the phone so you could look over the text message. You kept your hands tucked underneath your thighs, not willing to touch something that was most likely stolen from the pockets of a dead man.
The memory of his cold body at the bottom of the balcony had your food creeping up your throat, leaving a sick burn of acid behind. You knew it wasnât your fault and he more than deserved it, but you just couldnât believe that you were okay with killing somebody. Your stomach curled and twisted with guilt.
You nodded at him with a stoic face.
âThe money came from one of Loganâs burner companies. I canât confirm if heâs Solâs father or your sisterâs partner but thereâs a huge chance that itâs him. His accounts are so encrypted that I canât check anything myself, but I cross-referenced any police charges he has. He got a ticket for a fender bender in Thailand the same time that your sister travelled there. Then he got charged for a DUI a couple months later after she was back here.â
If this was Solâs father, then it relieved you that they looked nothing alike. No, the sweet girl in the next room had taken after your sister with cute, round features and wide eyes that made you think that she had stars suspended in them. She looked nothing like the emotionless man that you had just seen.
The thought of him getting his tainted hands on her precious, pure skin made your stomach fill with sticky, molten, disgust.
âSo, what now?â You asked meekly. You now knew the face of the person behind your life ending up in shambles, but you still had no idea how to fight him. If Logan Nam was a missile, you were a pen; completely unrelated, worthless, and weak and yet you had more responsibilities and expectations.
âWe figure out his schedule and plant a marksman? Soojiâs been getting pretty good at sniping lately.â He wondered out loud and your eyes widened.
âWhat?! No! Have you lost your mind?! Iâm not comfortable with killing another person, Yeosang!â
He looked perturbed, like you were suggesting something completely illogical when all you were asking was to follow the law. âNo killing peopleâ was a pretty big rule, and the mere thought of someone losing their life at your command had your skin pricking with cold sweat and your heart racing.
It was too much because you knew that this wouldnât be it. How could it be? The weight of what you had done would swing over your head for the rest of your life. Youâd always be looking over your shoulder and this one decision could even be a can of worms. You knew, if you went through with this, your life as you knew it would never be the same and it would be like watching your entire world erupt into flames before you.
â(Y/N), we need to fight fire with fire.â He replied.
âNo, you fight fire with water.â You replied haughtily and even though you were trying to keep your cool, you were realizing that you were on the verge of a panic attack. Your sweaty hand gripped the fabric of your skirt tightly and you could feel the tremors you were trying hard to ignore.
â(Y/N) âŠâ He prompted gently but you shook your head, feeling sweat bead at your hairline. Your pupils were shaking and the more you tried He reached for your hand that was clasped tightly by your side and his skin felt cool against yours.
You scrunched your eyes shut, âPlease, letâs have this conversation later.â
He nodded before whispering to you, âOkay.â
***
Kids can really take some things for granted. You realized that when Sol suddenly started regarding to Yeosang as the smarter one between the two of you. It was downright insulting. Here you were, putting a roof over her head for the better part of her life using money that you earned from a job that you earned after putting yourself through many years in university and she didnât think that you were capable of reciting the names of the planets.
It wasnât that she thought you were stupid, you realized that, but rather just thought of Yeosang as extremely smart and youâd be lying if you said his smug smile every time, she asked him a question first wasnât frustrating. But you tried to reason with yourself, saying that it was just because he was new and pretty, that Sol was fixating on him. You were sure, that he would turn into old news soon enough.
You were making the bed after breakfast while Yeosang typed away at his computer. He had insisted that there were staff that could handle the housekeeping, but you were beginning to get a little stir crazy, and you needed to keep moving or it felt like you would just die.
âIf I didnât know any better, Iâd say you sound jealous.â He said and you could practically hear the smirk in his voice and rolled your eyes, tucking the sheets in tighter.
âI know you think youâre so smart, but youâre sadly mistaken.â You replied haughtily.
âOh, so youâre not upset that Sol thinks youâre an idiot?â He quipped with such an infuriating gaze that made you want to chuck a pillow at his head, but you scoffed instead, spotting Sol as she strolled back into the room. Like expected, she went straight into Yeosangâs arms.
âYeosang! I have another question!â
âWhatâs up, sweet pea?â He asked, placing her on his lap and ducked your head to hide a smile, pretending like you were smoothing out any wrinkles in the sheets. He was getting so much more comfortable with Sol, even looking after her while you showered or needed some alone time and every time you looked at them together, your heart felt just a tiny bit lighter. Like maybe, even for a few seconds, he could hold onto some of your burdens and make it just a little easier for you.
âWhere do babies come from?â
The look he shot you was all the retribution you needed, and you couldnât stop the blatant laugh that left your mouth when his expression dropped. Sol, who thought you were making fun of her, pouted before turning back to Yeosang and tapping his shoulders insistently.
âWhoâs the idiot now?â You cackled.
***
âSince I couldnât hack into his bank account without alerting him, I had to hack the bank and do a manual check of all his transactions.â Yeosang told you, pushing up his glasses that slid down the bridge of his nose. You realized a little late that you had gotten distracted by the view of Yeosang with fluffy hair and thin glasses that you hadnât been processing anything he was saying.
âAnd, well, he makes a monthly payment and I wondered what could possibly require monthly payments but also would be done using legal banking.â He rambled on and you nodded, not quite understanding why he was telling you about this.
When he was wearing cute sweaters and shuffling around the room in socks with a cup of coffee in his hands, it was hard to believe he was part of the mafia. He always looked so domestic, you often found yourself feeling like a small family when you would walk into the room to find Sol asleep in his lap while he typed away noisily.
It was moments like those when you tried extremely hard to snap yourself out of it. This wasnât a game, and you couldnât trick yourself into pretending to be his little wife. He was the only thing stopping your life from crumbling apart before your eyes. The last flimsy string that remained strong on a tearing rope as you hung helplessly off the side of a cliff.
You werenât letting yourself rely on him too much, you wanted to remain strong so that when the moment came, youâd be able to part ways and go back to normal. It only made sense, he was never here for you to begin with, he was doing this as a favour to his mother and even though you knew his fondness for Sol and empathy for you made him work hard, you knew that once Sol was safe, you wouldnât be in each otherâs lives anymore.
You still let yourself keep that little bud and glimmer of wistful longing in your heart. As long as you kept it to yourself, you could admire him for his hard work and his intelligence and his beauty. You hadnât felt about anyone this way in years. When Sol had come into your life, you had continued to date for a while, but no one wanted to be in a relationship with âa single motherâ. You tried to argue that she wasnât yours and you were no mother, but you could understand why to them it would make no difference.
That had been the last fragment of your old life that you had been hanging onto with a tight grip; that Sol wasnât yours. She wasnât your child, and she wasnât your responsibility. You were just looking after her in your sisterâs absence but as it became harder and harder to ignore that just because she wasnât your child, didnât mean you werenât her parent.
So, you slowly let go of things that reminded you that your life wasnât the same. You stopped seeing guys, stopped meeting friends, stopped going on little dates by yourself. Your life slowly became completely and totally Solâs possession and any semblance of your own identity melted away.
But on those lazy mornings when you arenât quite awake yet and Yeosang hands you a mug of coffee before you even leave the bed and looks over your shoulder to make sure Sol hasnât stirred, you could just picture him as a boyfriend you met in your college years and stayed with. You could picture that your biggest problems were that Yeosang would rather play video games than go on a date.
But youâd keep that little piece of delusions to yourself.
Because if thereâs one thing that hadnât let you down in your life, it was the safety of your own mind when you needed a moment to breathe.
âYeosang,â You interrupted him in the middle of his long-winded explanation, âWhat exactly are you trying to say here?â
He gave you a pained expression, â(Y/N), heâs been making monthly payments to a columbarium.â
***
With Yeosang insisting that his friends werenât as bad as you were expecting, you agreed to loosen the reigns a little, allowing him to invite them over while he looked after Sol. Such was the case today. While you were away, Yeosang and Sol were joined by Wooyoung and one of Soojiâs three dogs because Sol just loved animals.
They werenât doing much, just sitting around the coffee table with pieces of paper in front of them. Sol was working on her own, drawing a house while Wooyoung and Yeosang played tic-tac-toe. When Yeosang lost the game for the fourth time, Wooyoung looked up to find him staring at the piece of paper with more concentration than necessary.
âYou okay man?â
Yeosang looked up at him, realizing that he had been pointlessly scribbling the O till it was just a huge dot. He sighed, leaning back on both his hands, âYeah, just worried aboutââ He stopped himself before saying your name, glancing at the girl beside him and relieved that she didnât notice.
So far, she hadnât begun missing you yet, too wrapped up in her drawings to even realize that you were missing from the house, and he tried hard to make sure it would stay that way, distracting her quickly whenever she began wondering where you were. He let Sol watch whatever she wanted during breakfast, spent nearly an hour messing up the kitchen while cooking chocolate chip pancakes because neither of them knew your special recipe. He even watched the same Winx Club movie with her twice in a row because apparently kids have no sense of monotony and tedium.
He was already making plans to take her to the backyard after she got sick of drawing so she could play with the 3 dogs and tire herself out, but he knew that if you werenât back in time to put her to bed, she would throw the worldâs biggest tantrum.
âYouâre getting awfully involved with her.â Wooyoung brought up casually, drawing the box to start another game.
âI mean, Iâm just trying to help.â He murmured, knowing just where this conversation was going but for some reason, he couldnât stop himself from pussyfooting around the topic. His best friend gave him a look, âNo, youâre going way beyond âjustâ helping at this point.â
He rolled his eyes in response though he knew what Wooyoung was accusing him of was true. He didnât think he would end up getting this attached to little Sol and you. His mornings used to start out the way his nights ended, sleep deprived and half unconscious at his computer. Yeosangâs life was very much bound by his screen, and it was often that he would go weeks without interacting with anyone.
This was what was expected of him, when he had a job, he had to put himself into all of it and more often than not it felt like this was the only purpose in his life. Sure, his friends were so close that they were practically family, but he had no one relying on him and his existence felt very virtual and temporary. There were many times while he was trapped in between four walls when he would just think if anything in his life was worth it.
He pushed himself very hard, but he felt like he had nothing to show for it, no meaningful rewards to reap from it.
But something as small as you are smiling at him first thing after you woke up or Sol involving him in conversations as though you were a family had his stomach pooling with honey-sweet sustenance and belonging. It was crazy, he knew that. He was an outsider, looking into your perfect little family from beyond an invisible boundary. He was just here to help you get back to that perfect place and he couldnât let himself be deluded into thinking that maybe there would be a place for him.
Even if he wanted that, it wasnât the best for you or Sol. He was a mafia member, the very reason his mother stopped speaking to him in the first place. Even though he knew you held no bad feelings against him, Yeosang would be lying if he said that he didnât see your hands shake from fear and anxiety whenever he spoke of this part of his life.
He sighed, drawing another hash after he lost the game for the sixth time, âJust drop it. Itâs just a passing feeling, itâll go away.â
He didnât know what exactly he was talking about, the feeling of inexplicable love every time he looked at the little girl beside him or the desire for nothing but your happiness whenever he looked into your eyes. Sol innocently watched them playing tic-tac-toe and an idea struck her, flipping over the paper to use the blank side, and trying to draw the hash so she could join them.
She attempted to draw a straight line when her hand trembled and it came out bumpy and crooked. She erased the line and tried again only to come out with the same result. After a couple more tries, Yeosang glanced over when he heard a sniffle, startled to find her wiping tears from her eyes.
âOh, whatâs wrong?â Wooyoung looked up at the surprisingly soft tone, thinking he was talking to him and was even more surprised to see Yeosang quickly pull her into his lap and wrap his arms around her. He was concerned for his friend. This was the first time in years that it looked like he was actually taking care of himself.
Wooyoung knew that Yeosang wouldnât admit it but when his mother had cut ties with him, it had hit him hard. This was the first time that he had ever seen Yeosang look so fulfilled and he wasnât sure what worried him more, that it could be ripped very quickly from him once he was done helping you and you would walk away, or that it could be ripped even faster from him if he couldnât help you.
âI wanted to draw what you were drawing and play with you, but I canât do it!â She whined into his neck, and Yeosang cooed, patting her back.
âItâs okay. We can still play the game together. I like your version better anyway.â He said, patiently waiting for her to stop crying before he delicately wiped away her tears, âYou want me to teach you how to play?â
When she nodded, he turned her around in his lap, still keeping an arm around her and grabbed her pencil.
***
You stared at the marble urn in the shelf with an empty expression. A small, framed picture of your sister was beside it. She was smiling brightly, taunting you with the carefree look in her eyes. The sun glimmered like gold in her hair and her skin glowed like honey.
âYou selfish bitch.â You choked out, feeling like you were sinking. You tried to look at her face while saying it, but all your eyes could focus on was your pained reflection staring back at you from the glass.
And all at once it felt like you were breaking. The dam had collapsed. The seams had ripped. Your knees were far too weak to support you and you tumbled to the ground, clutching your head as you wailed into your lap.
âIâm sorry! Iâm so so sorry! I tried! I really did!â You sobbed out, not even bothering to wipe the streams of tears that were leaving your eyes. Why bother when they were quickly replaced.
âI justâ Sometimes, Iâ I feel likeââ You tried to tell her, but the words kept getting caught painfully in your throat. You couldnât admit it to her, no matter how hard you tried. You knew she couldnât hear you, couldnât respond and couldnât do much to help but still you couldnât admit it.
Your heart felt like it was tearing itself into shreds, your stomach twisting so tightly that you could feel acid climb up your throat. You could barely breathe in between sobs, and it felt like every single cell in your body was hurting.
You had grown apart from your sister when you both had become adults, it was inevitable that you did. You werenât teenagers that shared a room anymore, you both were now grown-ups who had to live their own lives. You got busy with your own career and your sister was the same. You would see each other at family dinners and special occasions but eventually those became few and far between.
Looking back, you couldnât really put all the blame on her, you had missed many dinners due to work and your heart clenched in your chest at the thought that your absence might have pushed her to this person.
Regardless, she was still your sister and you loved her. And now, she was just, gone. You thought back to the last time you had seen her, she was so haggard and worn. Did she die in the same way? Tired, desperate, and alone? She had so much to live for, a daughter, your parents, and even you and it killed a part of you to know that someone you loved was now reduced to a pile of ash in an urn.
You cried for what felt like forever before leaning against the opposite shelves and staring up at her column. Your head was blank for the first time in years, and you couldnât think of anything no matter how hard you tried to. There were things that needed your attention, like how you would break the news to your parents, how you would keep Sol safe but every time you thought of either, it would evaporate into nothing until you were just blank.
You had no more fight left to give, nothing more to provide, nothing left to give away. Whenever you cared for Sol, looked after her, loved her, you had been borrowing energy from your future elf. Somewhere, deep down, you kept hope that your sister would one day return, and you could just go back to being her aunt. But now it felt like there would never be an end and you had hit a wall.
It was sick, you knew you were, that you felt some sort of resentment towards a small, innocent little girl. She had done nothing wrong, and you knew that but sometimes whenever you looked at her, all you could see was something that was holding you down. Sometimes you thought about giving her up for adoption or handing her to her grandparents and when things got really bad you would think about packing a bag in the middle of the night and just leaving.
You loved Sol, so much but you were always trying to keep her at armâs length and now that you couldnât justify it anymore, the horrid, disgusting feelings of resentment, of rejection came bubbling up and you couldnât help but feel repulsed by yourself.
âI donât know what to do...â You whispered helplessly, looking at the picture of your sister. She was a splitting image of Sol, looking more mature and her features were more angled, but it was still her.
When it felt like you had cried it all out, you stood up once again, ready to leave. The sun was setting outside which meant it would soon be time to put Sol to bed and youâd rather do it yourself than force Yeosang to do it.
You looked at the ground as you were leaving the building, emotionlessly staring at the tiles when a pair of glossy, black shoes came into your vision. Startled, you looked up and realized you were an inch away from a broad chest. When your eyes met the manâs, your blood froze in your veins, and you took a step back.
Logan Nam smirked at you and your eyes widened in fear.
He took a step closer, and you mirrored him, putting as much difference as you could between you.
âWhen the reception notified me that someone was visiting my wifeâs ashes, I had a hunch it would be you.â He said, taking another step toward you. Your heart was beating madly in your ears, and you swallowed thickly.
âIâll make this simple; I want my daughter.â
Your heartrate ticked up, breath stuttering in your lungs, and you were overwhelmed by the sudden urge to just cry. You still couldnât bring yourself to say anything, your throat constricting painfully. Immediately, you were filled with hostility. You didnât know why; you had never met him before and had no reason to mistrust him other than your sisterâs words, but you would never go against the last thing she told you before you died.
Whatever she had felt about him, whatever he had done wasnât important, but you die before ever considering
âNot happening.â You finally replied, finding your voice.
âI wasnât asking.â He replied coldly and before you could even blink, his hand was around your throat, and he slammed you against the wall. The wind was knocked out of you and the back of your head throbbed so hard that your vision had spots. He wasnât even applying much pressure, but the hit was so powerful that you had trouble breathing.
He was crazy, downright psychotic. You gasped for air and thrashed around but he didnât loosen his hold on your throat, pressing down harder until you felt your windpipe collapse from the pressure. Then the panic got real when you couldnât take any more breaths. Your eyes filled with tears in response, and you tried prying his fingers off you, but he was too strong.
âMaybe I should kill you right now,â He murmured, more to himself than you. His gaze was steady on you, but it looked like he wasnât seeing you, âIâll be kind, you can have the spot next to my wife.â
You struggled in his grip, wanting to throw up from the force on your throat but he didnât relent until you scratched your nails down his face and poked his eyes as hard as you could. The grip on your throat loosened and you took only a moment to catch your breath before running down the hall and trying to get out of the building.
His footsteps picked up behind you and your frantic eyes darted around the halls, spotting a fire extinguisher that hung off the far war and immediately sprinted towards it. He was faster than you expected and slammed you into the wall just as you reached it. The extinguisher hit you badly in the ribs and you groaned in pain but grabbed onto it with a vice-like grip.
It was too heavy for you to throw at him, regardless of how much the adrenaline pumping through your veins was pushing your body and, in a panic, you pushed down the lever and were startled when foam sprayed out of the nozzle with such a high pressure that it was enough to knock him off you. You managed to catch him off-guard, throwing him offbeat and didnât wait for him to gain his senses before you dropped the cannister and ran.
You made at out of the building, nearly giving yourself a whiplash as you tried to spot a taxi, not stopping your sprint for even a second. You could hear him behind you but to your relief, he was farther than he was last time. Just as you were about to leave the enclosure, you heard a gunshot and shrieked, ducking away from the shards of glass that exploded from the streetlamp that he shot.
Your heart getting tired, and it was beginning to hurt from how hard it was beating against your ribcage. You were panting heavily, and a cold bead of sweat darted down the length of your back. You made out Loganâs silhouette against the blurring of tears in your eyes, recognizing the smoking gun he was pointing directly at you.
âThat was a warning shot. Move and the next one wonât be.â
There was a beat of silence where you contemplated what to do. Your body flinched and you involuntarily took a step back and you saw something flash in his eyes as dread set into your bones. He was going to shoot. You ducked away, almost missing the police car that raced at you with blaring lights and a loud siren and screeched to a stop between the both of you.
âGet in!â Screamed the driver and without wasting a second, you threw open the door and jumped in. She didnât even wait for you to close the door before she was speeding out of there and merging into the main road.
When the driver was certain that you both were far enough from the columbarium, she looked at you through the rear-view mirror, âIâm Detective Jeong Tae Eul.â
â(Y/N).â You responded, completely out of it. Your body was shaking, and you were terrified that youâd turn around to find Logan staring you down with his crazy eyes and dangerous weapon.
âIâm going to drive you to the police station, okay? We can file a police report together.â She explained with a soothing voice, but her words only caused you to panic more.
âNo! We canât file a report!â You exclaimed and her brows raised in surprise, âWhy not?â
Your hands were shaking pathetically in your lap, and you had no explanation for her. If she found out that he was Solâs biological father and you had no legal custody over her, she might end up turning the tables against you. Sensing your fear, she put the vehicle in park at a traffic light, turning around to look you in the eye.
âItâs going to be okay. Just tell me what happened, I promise nothing will leave this vehicle unless you want it to.â
So, you told Tae Eul everything. In the end, she made a promise to introduce you to one of the best lawyers she knew and promised that her friend, Cha Young, would give you a consultation pro bono and if she thought there was a case, sheâd help take it to trial.
***
It was almost two thirty in the morning when you finally got back home, and your body felt so worn out that you felt like you were so close to withering away that second. You werenât even down the hall before Yeosang intercepted you.
âWhere the hell have you been! Why was your phone switched off!â He had barely started his rant, fully intending on chewing you out with how worried he was but his eyes flickered down to your neck for a second before they completely zeroed in on the bruise around your throat.
He paused and it was like you watched all the emotion die out from his face before he was glaring at you darkly. With all the terror you had been through only a few hours ago, you couldnât even bring yourself to feel afraid anymore, all your emotions and thoughts had vaporized and vanished like the wax of a candle.
He reached his hand out and you shivered as his fingers delicately grazed against the purpling bruise against your skin. You gripped onto his arm for stability, and he finally raised his eyes back to yours, unbridled fury swimming in the depths of his eyes. You could never picture Yeosang as a mafia member, not when he was failing in all his attempts to braid Solâs hair or when he happily munched down the breakfast you made him, but in this instance, you could understand how he managed to fare for so long in this world.
He looked downright terrifying, and you wouldâve been shaking in your boots if you didnât know that he was angry for you, not at you.
âWho did this to you?â
Fuck. He couldnât look at you like that and say things like that and expect you not to melt into a puddle of absolute mush. You sighed shakily, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach and the absolute state of euphoria and warmth that was rushing through you that you were finally home and safe with Yeosang.
âI ran into Logan.â You explained, trailing off when his eyes widened, and it seemed like you had just lit a fire inside him.
âThat bitch!â He seethed and the veins in his neck popped out but even then, the tender touch of his fingers on your neck never got even a fraction more abrasive or forceful. A rush of things passed on his face, mostly rage but then it finally washed away, and he was the kind, domestic Yeosang you had always known.
âAre you alright? Does it hurt?â
You shook your head silently and he released a shaky breath before pulling you in for a hug. He gently caressed your hair, and you buried your face into the crook of his neck, wrapping your arms tightly around his middle and inhaling the smell of home. The material of his sweater was bunched tightly in your fist, pulling yourself so close to his body that you could be considered as one.
âYouâre safe now.â He whispered, holding you and even though you didnât believe him, you nodded and then breathed in deeply.
After a few minutes, you spoke up, not bothering to move your head and Yeosang shivered when he felt your lips brush against the skin of his neck, âWhereâs Sol?â
âI put her to bed hours ago. She went down no problem.â He responded in perfect sync, and you sighed in relief.
âThank you,â You whispered, kissing whatever piece of skin you could reach in gratitude and even though you thought he would flinch or freeze, he said nothing and rocked you back and forth like a pendulum, âFor everything.â
***
You stared at Solâs sleeping form, the moonlight peeking through the curtains being enough for you to recognize her features that you had memorized. This precious, little girl was your everything. She was your mornings and your nights, and she was completely worth all the hard work and the burdens you had to go through.
You loved her so much and she wouldnât ever know the surface of the struggles you went through trying to raise her, but you would continue to do so.
You were trying so hard to deflect the burden from yourself, claiming that Sol wasnât your responsibility, since she was your sisterâs child but if you won full custody over her, she would forever be yours. You had always tried to run away from fully accepting her because you were scared, terrified even to the changes it would bring to your life.
But in the silence of the night, you looked at the sweet girl and realized just how much you had changed without realizing. Mornings would begin with a kiss on the cheek in greeting the same way the day would end. With Sol, even things as little as cooking or bath-time could turn into a fun activity and you remembered just how many times you could feel full just from looking at her.
Yes, you didnât have anyone to depend on and yes, it was difficult. My goodness, it was so difficult. But you couldnât say goodbye to the good moments, no matter how strenuous the bad ones were. You had seen her first steps, her first words and had been there for every milestone that she had been through.
You werenât her mother, but she was your child. In every sense, in every thought, in every language, in every moment. She was yours.
Suddenly overwhelmed with so much emotion that you felt tears prick at your eyes, you leaned over to brush a few hairs out of her face before kissing her cheek, âI love you so much.â
The door clicked open, and you glanced over to see Yeosang pad in with a cup of tea. Smiling lightly, you shifted over on the bed and gave him room to sit beside you. Now with a steaming cup of tea in your hands, you were able to soothe your throat that was throbbing and scratchy from the amount of crying you had done through the day.
He was right, he made tea way better than you did.
âSheâs cute, right?â He whispered and you chuckled before nodding.
âShe gets it from you.â
***
You glanced between the 7 men apprehensively, watching as they awkwardly lingered around the doorway. Aside from Yeosang, of course, who made himself at home on the couch immediately, grabbing the bowl of popcorn that Sol had been hogging.
âUm, I thought you said you had a guyâs night?â You asked, biting your lip. Yeosang had informed you about their night a couple days ago and you thought it was a great idea. After filing the lawsuit for custody against Logan, any attempts of abduction had stopped as well since it could reflect badly in the legal fight. Since then, you had returned to work and Sol had been going back to kindergarten even though Yeosangâs mom had strict instructions to call him first and not you in an emergency.
You were worried that you were beginning to rely on Yeosang a little too much and though you were still living together on Ateezâs homebase, you thought he deserved the much-needed break and some time to blow off steam with his friends. You were more than prepared for him to come home absolutely wasted. You had even courteously decided to sleep on the couch so he could have his own bed back for a night.
Yunho blushed, pulling out a piece of paper from his pocket and handing it to you. When you unfolded the paper, your cheeks heated up in embarrassment.
âDear tall oppa, I am keeping a movy nite on Sunday nite! Itâs at 7 pm so donât be late!â
There were way too many stickers around the sides of the paper and a few of the letters were in the wrong direction. You could clearly tell that there was a lot of thought put into this, considering that the stickers were off a giraffe and a smiling puppy, which you were sure that she associated Yunho with. You ran a hand over your face, trying to hide your embarrassment and face that had darkened with a blush but doing an awful job.
âIâm sorry you guys, you donât need to attend, you already made plans. Iâm sure Sol will understand.â You said, feeling ashamed that they were guilted into attending because Sol had a cute face.
Sol, having heard what you said, immediately began protesting and climbed into Yeosangâs lap and wrapping her tiny arms around his neck. He was quick to move the bowl of popcorn away, nearly missing Solâs foot to his crotch and cradled her so that she was sitting more comfortably.
âNo! I wanna have a movie night with everyone.â
You sighed, feeling your neck heat up, âSol, please, they all have plans.â
She whined, wrapping her arms around Yeosang tighter, and burying her little face in his neck.
The others smiled kindly at you, and you felt grateful albeit still quite embarrassed, âItâs okay (Y/N), we donât mind.â
They all began shuffling in the door and you realized they each brought their own movie snacks and before no time they were all crowded around the TV. Delighted that everyone was there to join her, she beamed at Yeosang, practically shaking with joy in his lap and he gave her a fond smile, glancing at you and patting the empty spot beside him.
âSo, what movie are we watching?â
âWinx Club!â
Everyone groaned.
â(Y/N) if I have to watch this movie again, Iâm going to shoot myself.â
***
You couldnât remember the last time you had let loose this way. When you got home after winning the custody case, you were immediately handed a drink that Wooyoung called his âMagic Potionâ. A few magic potions later, you were giggling madly into Yeosangâs neck.
Thankfully, Seonghwa was looking after Sol for the rest of the evening, so he was able to give you his undivided attention just as the fourth drink began to hit you. You had already played hide-and-seek and even hidden many things like Chayoungâs briefcase and Wooyoungâs Apple watch.
âOkay, I think youâve had enough drinks.â Yeosang said, grabbing the glass that Wooyoung was holding out to you and immediately you pouted, wrapping your arms around his neck, and releasing a pathetic whine.
âNooo, I want to drink some moreeee.â
He could smell the alcohol on your breath, and you could barely take a step without stumbling. With a steady arm around your waist, he guided you away from Wooyoung who began chanting that he was no fun since he became a dad (Yeosang promptly ignored that part, even though his neck was getting uncomfortably hot). While he did want a drink too, he really thought that only one of you should be hungover the next day.
âYou can have a glass of water.â
âBut I donât want water!â You exclaimed, stomping your foot and he sighed, mentally comparing you to Sol when she threw a tantrum but you were still easy to manoeuvre toward the bedroom so he could put you to bed before you ended up passing out.
Your energy level plummeted the farther you walked and by the time you both entered your room, your head was lolling, and you were breathing deeply as though asleep standing upright.
âDid I ever tell you how much you mean to me?â He heard you ask quietly and froze in his steps. You turned to look at him with a sober gaze that startled him. You looked so damn serious about it, like you were genuinely asking him rather than just going off on some drunk tangent.
You gave him a wobbly smile, âIâm sorry that Iâve been relying on you so much lately. It feels really one-sided, and Iâm actually terrified that youâll think of me as a burden.â
He didnât know what to do. You were definitely drunk, and it was most likely the reason you were suddenly bearing your heart to him but with each word that came out of your mouth, another nerve began buzzing with electricity.
âMaybe if everything was normal, I could just ask you out like I want to, but I donât have the balls because Iâm worried it will ruin everything.â You laughed at yourself, running a hand down your face and his stomach hollowed out, hundreds of flurries of butterflies flapping incessantly so far up his throat that it felt he couldnât breathe. You wanted to ask him out?
âAnd isnât it so funny that I can only tell you how I feel when Iâm drunk out of my mind?â You laughed out but your voice was tight. He knew you were scared but your inhibition was hindered, he knew that.
âBecause I know youâll pretend like it never happened the next day if you donât feel the same. Because I wasnât in the right state of mind. Hah, even when Iâm telling you that I love you, Iâm selfish. Iâm so pathetic.â You laughed brokenly and his heart tightened in his chest.
Yeosang stared at you with widened eyes, watching the way your eyes glimmered and the slight tint to your cheeks from drinking too much.
âW-What?â
You giggled at his startled face and took a clumsy but deliberate step toward him before raising a hand to cup his cheek, âIâm in love with you. And itâs not only because youâre the only one who supports me. Itâs because youâre funny, and youâre nice but in a funny, backhanded way, and you care about me like I care about you, and sometimes when I look at you, I feel complete. Like how I feel when I look at Sol. Iâm very happy when Iâm with you.â
The way you were looking at him. The things you were saying too him. It was all too much. Too much for his frail little heart to handle. Yeosang was undoubtedly the least emotional one from Ateez, it was easy for him to emotionally disconnect. In his line of work, it was important for him not to get extremely sensitive toward something.
But the way you were touching him, like he was a tender flower instead of the burdened steel he has always been made his heart race in his chest. It had been way too long since he had felt so adored and had been even longer since he had adored someone as much as he did you.
Too dazed from your confession, he didnât quite react when you leaned in to capture his lips in a soft kiss before pulling away. You looked at him with a steady gaze, âIâm in love with you.â
You kissed him again and this time he returned it. His arms coiled around your waist, holding your hips firmly and you threw your arms around his neck, kissing him eagerly. Yeosang sighed against your mouth, his heart getting bigger with each second that your lips touched his. You were sweet, so sweet that he felt dizzy but wanted to taste more of you.
He gently teased his tongue against yours until you were short of breath, and you raked your fingers through his fluffy hair just as he sucked your bottom lip into his mouth.
The two of you stumbled back in a daze, not breaking the kiss until the back of your knees collided with the bed and you tumbled to the mattress, pulling him down with you. His reflexes worked quickly, keeping himself from crushing you with his arms framing your body as he continued to graze his tongue against yours.
The lingering taste of alcohol on your tongue reminded Yeosang that you were still drunk, and he pulled away with a sigh, knowing that he couldnât let anything happen if you werenât in the right state of mind.
âSangââ You whimpered, trying to pull him back to you by wrapping your legs around his waist and his resolved weakened just a bit when he felt his stomach drop with need and his neck get hot, but he gave you one last kiss before he pulled away just enough to kiss your forehead.
âYouâre drunk.â He replied, expecting that to be enough of an explanation but your head was still spinning from the heavenly kiss and all you wanted was to be close to him. He tried to move off you, but you panicked and grabbed his shirt before pulling him closer.
âDonât leave me.â You whispered, distressed. He kissed your temple before pressing another one to your cheek, pulling away again so he could look you in the eye.
âI wonât. Iâll be right here.â
âIâm sorry.â You apologized and neither of you were sure for what, but he silenced any fears you might have, pulling you in for a hug before he lowered your head onto a pillow and pulled the duvet up to cover you.
âYou donât have anything to be sorry for. Just get some rest, Iâll be here in the morning.â
It was dark, but he could still see your features despite it. Yeosang briefly wondered if it was because he spent every waking moment thinking of you. Of your bright eyes, of your glowing skin, of your gorgeous hair, of your sweet lips.
Now that he had finally gotten a taste of them, a taste of you, he couldnât begin to dream of letting you go. He just couldnât. A part of him churned with uncertainty, fear, and insecurity. Did you really mean what you said? Or was it the liquor talking? While he wondered about that, he tried pushing down those horrible, intrusive thoughts that would trouble him whenever he had something good.
Those awful thoughts that would remind him that it wouldnât be too long until he ruined it.
You were so beautiful, so pure, how could he even think of tainting you with his own colours? It killed him to think that if he pursued something with you, it would only end badly. You and Sol had become such a big part of his life, would he be able to survive without you?
Those thoughts that he struggled to push away no matter how hard he tried reminded him that he wasnât asking the right question.
Would he be able to live with himself if anything ever happened to you?
***
It was well into the day when you were rudely awakened by the insistent sun. Your head was throbbing lightly from how hard you fell asleep, but you didnât feel too hungover. Sighing and groaning, you finally found the willpower to sit up straight and when you glanced at the nightstand you couldnât help but chuckle at the âFeel better auntie!â written on a post-it note with a heart drawn beside it. Yeosang must have told her you werenât feeling well when you didnât wake up to drop her off at kindergarten.
After brushing your teeth, you returned to the bedroom even drowsier than you were when you first woke up and considered pulling up the covers and falling asleep again when the door clicked open and Yeosang poked his head through.
And in that instant, everything from last night came flooding back to you. Suddenly, it felt like every nerve ending sparked alive, rushing through your body like a wildfire as images flashed behind your eyes faster than you could process. Your lips tingled with the memory of the kiss, and you felt shocks crawl up your waist where his hands were.
You could only faintly remember the feeling of his hard body pressed against yours and immediately you were filled with immense longing to feel it again. God, it had barely been 20 minutes since you had woken up and you were already craving for him like a hormonal teenager.
It was hardly your fault though, how were you meant to concentrate when he was wearing a tank top that revealed his distracting arms and with the neck cut low enough to see his chest? Honestly, he was too attractive for his own good.
A steady heat climbed up to your cheeks when you realized you had been staring at him for a good minute and you pursed your lips, trying to kill the sparks that began to sting.
âHi.â
He smiled gently, handing you a bottle of water along with an aspirin and you took it without qualms, âHow are you feeling?â
âNot too terrible, that heavy dinner really helped.â You replied, patting your stomach and he scoffed, âYouâre welcome.â
It was silent again and even though you could simply pretend like last night hadnât happened to make the atmosphere bearable, you felt the need to set things straight with him.
âAbout last night, I didnât mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.â You told him, staring at the bottle in your hands and playing with the wrapper.
âI half expected you to have completely forgotten about last night.â He admitted and you almost laughed. The kiss had been everything except forgettable. It was the type of kiss youâd think about even in a couple years and still feel something.
âI didnât drink that much.â You replied, trying to bring a little mirth in your voice and he chuckled before nodding, âYeah, but my luck usually turns out to be like that.â
There was another beat of quiet, an awkward tango where you werenât sure who should speak first but eventually you opened your mouth again, âWe can forget about it if you want, I really donât want things to get awkward between us.â
He remembered the words you told him last night, how you confessed that you were terrified that youâd be a burden to him. He felt the same way. You both had such important things in your life right now that another priority might feel burdensome, he could understand if you felt that way about him.
But Yeosang never thought of you as a burden, more like a rewarding anchor to the world when he felt like he might be sinking down too far.
The silence was beginning to get awkward, and you shifted in the bed, tempted to take another sip of water, âItâs really not a big deal, Sang. We can just forget about the whole thingââ
âAre you drunk right now?â
You paused.
âExcuse me?â
âAre you drunk right now?â He repeated, just as plain as the last time and your brows pinched together, trying to figure out just what angle he was playing.
ââŠâŠNo?â
âGood.â He said, leaning in so he could cup both your cheeks in his hands, and you stared at him wide-eyed, âBecause I sure as hell want you to remember this.â
And then he was kissing you like he had roamed the desert, and you were a glass of cold water. He kissed you like a fresh rain shower after a year of drought. He kissed you like every song you had ever heard and every book you had ever read.
Kissing Yeosang was all too much and at the same time not enough. You felt his tender lips against yours and the air in your lungs managed to disappear in a quick second, but you didnât falter for a moment, tightly wrapping your arms around his shoulders just as his hands slid down to your lower back.
Your breathing stuttered as his tongue gently traced your mouth and your stomach lurched with such undeniable need that you felt your head get foggy. It hurt, it physically hurt from how much you needed to be close to him at the moment. So much that your body trembled with pent-up energy.
With a hand to the back of your head, he lowered you down to the plush pillows, not wanting to part from you for even a second. Everything was getting fuzzy in the best way possible and when Yeosang broke the kiss for a moment to pull his shirt off, it felt like something in you just snapped.
To say he was startled when you suddenly wrapped your legs around his waist and rolled on top of him was an understatement, but he didnât even get to say anything before you were kissing your way down his neck, nipping, and licking at every spot you could.
He squirmed underneath you, now very aware how close your heat was to his dick and moaned shakily when you sucked at his pulse point.
His hands ran down your back and grabbed your ass, âW-Wait, I want you to have fun too.â
You raised your head from his neck, smirking at the light marks that began to form, âWho said I wasnât having fun?â
You were both surprised at the loud moan that left his mouth when your teeth sank into the spot where his neck met his shoulder. Soothing the mark with your tongue, you moved a little lower, kissing down his pecs. Even though you were nowhere near finished, you let him guide you back into another kiss.
He flipped the two of you over, giving you a smirk that had butterflies erupting up your throat and hiked your shirt up his wrists, delighted to find that you hadnât put on a bra yet.
âMy turn.â
Breathy moans left your mouth as he teased your breasts with nimble fingers while his talented mouth left pretty red marks along them. One of his hands pressed against your back, arching your chest into his mouth while the other left featherlight touches along your stomach on its way to the waistband of your pants.
Tufts of his hear peeked from between your fingers as you gently tugged and he groaned, reaching to kiss you again when he began tugging your pants and panties down the length of your legs. You helped him throw them off you and shivered in excitement when he grazed your inner thighs.
You were sure there would be more times for him to be rough and for you both to be captured in moments of intense passion but for now you both were taking it slow which had your heart beating in your chest so hard from anticipation that he could hear it.
You let out a content sigh when the tips of his fingers caressed your lower lips. Yeosang was occupied with sucking on your tongue when his thumb began rubbing slow circles against your clit. You gasped, throwing your head back against the pillows and mewling.
He chuckled, âFeeling good?â
âSo good.â You whined, brows furrowing together when a finger poked at your entrance. Your thighs would have clamped tightly around his wrist if he wasnât holding them open.
âHow many do you think you can handle?â He asked you and even though your eyelids felt like they were magnetically shut, you wrenched them open to see his soft smile at your confused expression.
âFingers?â
He huffed out a laugh, âNo, orgasms. Donât wanna overstimulate you if you arenât ready.â
You inhaled sharply when he shallowly thrust two fingers into you, gripping his biceps tightly, âTo be honest, I donât think I can take more than one today.â
The smirk on his face turned a little dark and he felt your pussy clench around his fingers, âI can do that.â
He swallowed your loud moans with a deep kiss and moved his fingers quickly, alternating between thrusting into your dripping hole with a breaking pace and rubbing his wet fingers against your clit. The knot in your stomach wound tighter and tighter with each flick and you felt yourself getting closer to the edge.
You were so close you could practically taste it, squirming in his grip as you inched closer to ecstasy when he stopped his movements.
Yeosang pulled away from the kiss specifically to hear you groan while he peppered kisses against your neck, âWhyâd you stop?â
He licked at the hollow of your collarbone, âYou said youâd only be able to handle one. Gotta pace yourself, baby. Iâll make you cum.â
âBut I was so close.â You whined, the end of your sentence coming out as a moan when he moved spread his fingers slightly, feeling your plush walls push back against them.
He kissed the spot between your brows, making you aware of your scrunched up face and you relaxed, âI know but youâve only given me one chance to rock your world and Iâm not letting you cum anywhere but my cock.â
A hot blush crept up your face at his frank words and you stared up at the ceiling in embarrassment.
He laughed, and sped up the pace of his fingers slightly, âYouâre naked in my bed and youâre feeling shy from my words?â
You hid your face, âNow Iâm feeling embarrassed about both.â
His nose nuzzled your cheek lightly, thumbing your clit until you were close again and then abruptly pulled his fingers away from your heat while you whined in disappointment. When you peeked at him between your fingers, he popped the soaked digits in his mouth, growling at the taste of you.
âFuck, can I eat you out?â
You narrowed your eyes at him, âIf you plan on making me cum.â
He shrugged, âNext time then.â
You felt the weight of his body disappear while he pulled off his pants before he crawled back over you, using one of his arms to hold his weight while he reached in his nightstand to pull out a condom.
You raised a brow at the silver packet, wondering just why he had a supply of condoms in a place that wasnât even his, âHow many girls have you brought here?â
âIt was a gag gift from Wooyoung. Whoâs laughing now?â He muttered in an explanation, hissing as the rolled the rubber on. You giggled when he leaned over you with a wide smile, pecking your cheeks quickly and you cupped his face this time before bringing him in for a sweet kiss.
âReady?â He whispered against your lips, and you nodded, gently playing with the short hairs on the back of his neck. You panted against each otherâs mouths when he finally pushed in, groaning in unison.
The way he stretched you open when he buried himself deep inside you had your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you moaned his name wantonly. The deep groans he was letting out reverberated through his chest and you could feel the feeble vibrations against your own chest pressed to his.
Yeosang felt dizzy at the sound of your sweet moans, at the feeling of your nails scratching lightly at his scalp, at your perfect body and your perfect curves pressed against him. Suddenly overwhelmed with so much stimulation, he shakily exhaled into your neck, pausing for a moment before he began moving his hips and by reflex, your legs wrapped themselves around his waist, sending his head spinning even more.
He rocked against you steadily, quickly licking away the bead of sweat that rolled down your neck and you whined at the pleasure, gasping when snapped his hips with more power. Eager from the long wait, he began relentlessly thrusting into you, groaning loudly at your pussy clenching around him at random beats.
You swore you saw stars attached to the white ceiling when the head of his cock brushed up against that one spot and you released a high-pitched moan, âFuck right there, please.â
He pulled away from you for just a second to readjust the position of your legs before he continued pounding into you and it felt like your soul had left your body for a second when he hit that spot perfectly each time and you were sent hurtling over the edge, cumming with a loud moan.
He finished soon after, keeping his pace until you both came down from your highs, kissing you sweetly. He didnât pull out just yet, waiting until you both had caught your breath before he did.
You automatically curled into his side when he lied down beside you, placing your head on his chest and his arm wound around your waist. You didnât speak for a while, didnât sleep, didnât move, just stayed there, pressed against each other, and basking in the afterglow.
âAre you sure you want this?â Yeosang finally asked and you raised your head with a confused pout, âKind of late to ask that question, donât you think?â
He rolled his eyes, âNot that, I meant me. Are you sure you want a relationship with me?â
âWhat do you mean?â
You tilted your head in the most adorable way that his heart began racing again. His mind willed him to be just silent, to just enjoy the sight of the gorgeous, naked girl in his arms but he spoke once again, âIâm part of the mafia, (Y/N). And youâre part of the tax-paying, righteous, beautiful public. Are you sure you want that?â
You paused and it felt like time had stopped for a year for Yeosang. He made up his mind then. Whatever be your answer, he would accept it, no follow-up questions, no attempt to convince you and he swore that he wouldnât make you feel bad for it. Afterall, you both had made your choices about the kind of life you want to lead.
He was determined not to make you feel guilty for rejecting him. Afterall, you were just trying to do what was best for your family.
But then you smiled at him, kissing the corner of his lips, âI used to think that everything was black and white, but youâve showed me differently. And I want this with you, I really do love you, Sang.â
His heart squeezed in his chest, all the questions he wanted to ask you disappeared like weightless clouds in the sky and he pressed his lips to yours, âI love you, too.â
You sighed happily, gently tracing figures onto his bare chest while his fingers drummed a random pattern on your hips, âI wish we could just stay here forever.â
He spared a glance at the clock and groaned internally, âWe have to leave to pick up Sol in like an hour.â
You abruptly sat up, holding the covers to your chest, and stared at him with wide eyes, âWe have to change the sheets!â
With a mischievous grin, he scooped you up in his arms and ran to the bathroom while you let out a startled laugh, âShower first!â
***
As soon as you stepped outside the car to pick up Sol, you had realized that something had gone incredibly wrong. You stopped Yeosang before he could take another step, turning to him with a panicked gaze, âCall the others.â
âWhat? Why?â He questioned but still pulled out his phone without missing a beat and sent an alert to the others.
âHear that?â
âI donât hear anything.â
âExactly.â
It was then that he realized what you were saying. It was absolutely silent, no sound of the excited children chattering with their friends, or of the teachers fondly saying their goodbyes to the students, no honking from the cars of the other parents as they tried to find a parking spot.
You shared a wide-eyed gaze before sprinting to the door. Yeosang pulled out his gun, signalling you to keep quiet before you both entered the building and you nodded, breathing in deeply as you both stepped past the door away as silently as you could.
You stayed behind him as he crept towards Solâs classroom and just as his hand inched toward the handle, the door slammed open and there stood Mrs. Kang, staring at you with a pained smile. Yeosang started, straightening up when he realized he was still pointing the weapon at her.
âMom? What are you doing? Where is everyone? Whereâs Sol?â
She smiled nervously and you could see her body shake, âI sent them all home early.â
Your brows furrowed, âWhat? Why? Whereâs Sol?â
She stepped aside and if your body hadnât frozen with horror, you would have screamed.
Logan Nam sat sinisterly in Mrs. Kangâs seat like a throne and perched in his lap was Sol, face stricken with tears and duct tape plastered to her mouth. Your eyes immediately glossed over, and you swallowed painfully at the sight of her terrified face and the knife that he held to her throat.
Yeosang stepped in front of you protectively, aiming the gun at Logan. His hands were clenched so hard around the Glock that you could see them shake with absolute fury. It looked like he could light this whole place on fire with a single glare and if looks could kill, Logan Nam would have been mutilated right before your very eyes, âLet. Her. Go.â
He laughed, âWhy should I? Sheâs my daughter. I have the right to do this.â
There it was, that beat of helplessness masked with fear that you felt when you saw his arm tighten around Sol and a fresh wave of tears streamed down her cheeks, cries muffled by the tape.
You clutched your hands tightly at your sides, biting your tongue to keep yourself from crying at the sight of her weeping in terror.
âThis is why you should have given her to me when I asked you so nicely.â He said, stroking her hair and you almost scoffed at that. He hadnât asked, he had demanded, and when you refused, he almost choked you to death.
âShe deserves this, you know.â He said nonchalantly but you knew of his psychotic tone. It was the same tone he used when he threatened to kill you and your body shook with emotions you couldnât explain, âShe took her away from me.â
You clenched your jaw so tightly you could swear that you felt a tooth crack.
âWe used to be in love, she was my soulmate. But then this bitch was conceived.â He said with such sick hatred and Yeosang bristled at him cussing at Sol, âAnd little by little she loved me less, her attention was taken from me. Suddenly it was all âthe baby thisâ âour baby thatâ, she took her away from me, she deserves this.â
âYouâre sick!â You spat, eyes burning with fury and your nails dug so hard into your palms that it hurt.
His eyes widened and he laughed, in a crazed, manic way that had your heart stuttering in fear. You needed Sol out of there, no matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice, âI just wanted to love your sister, my wife. We loved each other more than anybody else but then she changed. She began loving âthisâ instead. She took back her words to only love me, so I made sure she wouldnât make any more mistakes. I killed her, so that she couldnât love me less.â
You had never felt more wrath than you had now. Your body was trembling with anger and your hands itched to wring his neck, but you stayed in place, extremely aware of the knife that he held loosely. Yeosang didnât have a clear shot at him, he feared that any move he made could hurt Sol, so he kept his finger on the trigger, hoping for a miracle.
âIâm going to get my revenge.â
There was a moment of static silence where neither man made a move, but you pounced quickly.
You grabbed Yeosangâs wrist and pointed the gun at the ceiling above him, shooting at the light and a loud bang echoed through the halls. Logan was startled just enough for his grip on the knife to loosen as the ceiling tiles nearly crushed him and Sol.
Sol rushed out of his lap, running toward you and you saw her kidnapper attempt to grab her again, but you ran and slammed into him. The knife clattered to the ground and the both of you collided with the wall. You yelped when he grabbed a chunk of your hair and slammed your head against the corner of the desk. You groaned in pain, trying to kick him off you but he would not budge.
â(Y/N)!â
âSol first!â You shouted back and he wasted no time in complaining, scooping up the wailing child in his arms and wrapping an arm around his mother, taking them out of the building.
The man in front of you attempted to follow them but you stood up once again, ignoring the spots in your vision and jumping at him. Once again you both crashed into the wall, ricocheting against multiple surfaces like pinballs while he tried to rip you off him. The breath was knocked out of you as he violently slammed your back against the chalkboard, but you didnât relent.
He used his strength to pry your arm off him, twisting it so painfully that you felt something pop and you screamed in pain, tumbling to the ground. He turned to face you with an expression that you would continue to see in your nightmares for the rest of your life and you backed away in fear.
âI shouldâve snapped your fucking neck when I had the chance.â He whispered darkly and your hands tried to search for something, anything and your palm grazed against the handle of the knife he dropped earlier.
Your hand wrapped tightly around the blade and your resolution hardened like cold metal. The next few seconds passed by in slow motion. Logan charged for you, but his hands did not get the chance to touch you.
Blood splattered on your face and clothes.
You had slit his throat open.
***
When you arrived at the hospital where Mrs. Kang had taken Sol, you were frantic to see your baby girl. You had wiped as much blood as you could on the car ride there while you filled in the rest of Ateez on what had happened. They were filled with a newfound respect as well as pity for you when they found out what you had done.
You and Yeosang rushed to one of the cots in the emergency room, having heard Solâs loud and panicked cries as soon as you entered, and your eyes were flooded with tears at the mere sound. You ripped open the curtain and bundled her up in your arms along with the blanket she had wrapped around herself.
Sol wailed and screamed into your chest while you wept in utter relief and despair that she had been through this. The waves of fear were still passing through the both of you and even though you wanted to pull yourself together for her sake, you couldnât stop yourself from crying along with her. Just as you had the night you first met her.
Strong arms wrapped around your shoulders and your head rested against Yeosangâs neck. He pulled Sol to his chest, cradling her tightly against his body, closing his eyes and thanking whatever god that had been listening. If the knife hadnât been there when you needed it, if Logan had been faster, if he hadnât waited for the both of you to come before killing Sol; those were thoughts he didnât even want to venture.
Instead, he screwed his eyes shut and raked a gentle hand through your hair as your cries died down. Eventually, the both of you began to soothe Sol, holding her in between the both of you so she could finally feel safety now that she was back in your arms.
Mrs. Kang glanced at the small family on the hospital bed. She watched the way her son tenderly pressed his forehead to yours before kissing you lightly and the way you held onto him for dear life. And then she glimpsed at the frail, little girl sandwiched between the both of you. Her tiny fingers were clutching onto both her parentsâ hands tightly while she cried.
She watched her son who she had only then realized had grown up so much as he pulled his little family into a tight hug before she slid the curtains shut, giving you the privacy that you deserved.
***
1 year later
Family vacations used to be small outings that you could afford to take along with Sol. You didnât need to keep track of much since you only had a small girl to take, and she was usually satisfied with simply going to the fair or even the beach.
But since revealing her existence to your parents, you had made many trips to the countryside, so they had time to meet and play with Sol. She was ecstatic that she had grandparents who lived on a farm, always going with her grandfather to pick fruit and vegetables or with her grandmother to look at the animals.
You had taken Yeosang along with you this time to spend the weekend along with your parents. He had mentioned it to his mother without thinking much of it and she had immediately called you to see if she and her husband could join as well.
And before you knew it, you were having a big family vacation at your parentsâ house. It hadnât been this full since you were a child and a part of you was overjoyed to have that lively environment and energy.
You were curled up on the patio couch beside Yeosang, both of you keeping a close eye on the little girl who was currently coddling a baby cow. The atmosphere was relaxed, your mother was baking a fresh pie and your father was crocheting a beanie for his darling granddaughter. Mr. and Mrs. Kang were also content in their own seats, smiling at the sight of Sol giggling when the calf licked her hand.
âAre you two planning on getting married soon?â Asked Mrs. Kang and you laughed at the immediate groan that left Yeosangâs lips, hiding your giggling face in the crook of his neck. The topic had actually come up after a family dinner when Sol had proclaimed that when she grows up, she wanted to marry him. You had never seen Yeosang more embarrassed in his life.
You both had agreed that you would want to get married sometime but there wasnât any rush. Afterall, you lived together, raised a child together and spent every waking moment in each otherâs company. It wasnât like much was missing from your life.
âMomâŠâ Your boyfriend groaned, tilting his head back and missing the way you stared up at him in adoration, but his mother certainly noticed the sparkling stars in your eyes as you looked at her son.
âWhat? I want more grandbabies.â She defended, watching as Sol began running back to all of you, satisfied with the amount of animal cuddles she had gotten. She climbed into her teacherâs lap, happily telling her all about the cows and wrapping her arms around her neck.
âSol-ah, donât you think your auntie and uncle should get married?â Mrs. Kang asked and you almost burst into laughter when she turned to you with a betrayed look on her face.
For people with anxiety about filing taxes, hereâs what things that happen when you make a mistake on your tax return:
- it gets corrected
- you get a letter in the mail either asking for some additional information or a letter showing the adjustment
- you pay the amount (thereâs options for payment plans too!) or get a refund
Things that do not happen
- youâre âin troubleâ
- you are charged with fraud
- you go to jail
I know that most people are probably just joking/exaggerating when they say a mistake on their return means they get thrown in jail but when I worked with the public I always would encounter people who believed that would happen and they would be panicking about it. So I like to put this out there every year because if I can even prevent one person from feeling that way, itâs worth it
ăâ synopsis: in which you teach joshua how to live.
ăâ genre: strangers to lovers!au, terminally ill!reader, angst, fluff, some humor
ăâ warnings: mentions of depression (not mentioned heavily), implied suicidal thoughts and intention (very brief), major character death
ăâ word count: 20,351
ăâ pairings: joshua hong x gender neutral reader
ăâ notes: hi guys ! hereâs the longest oneshot iâve ever written so iâd like to apologize in advance BSJKGBDKB i just wanted to mention that this isnât necessarily realistic before you go into it, and that the readerâs illness is not mentioned in this oneshot as i didnât want to explicitly list one. i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, itâs my best work and i put a lot of time and effort into it <3
