Back From Hello

May this find you in good health and good spirits, and if you're lucky, under the influence of the latter.

[angielio-blog]

[classicmeevs]

watch them consider the worm

[doniblogs]

“boi u just”

[setheverman]

how to create drake’s one dance

[skunkbear]

This is incredibly cool!

Journal paper here.

[npr]

Science is on to you, spiders. -Emily

[tobeagenius]

“You are the universe, expressing itself as a human for a little while”

[snime]

[deadaccountsorrygaymers]

Public bathrooms are such a godless place. Ppl do the most bizarre stuff

[damianmcgintleman]

one time i walked into a mcdonalds bathroom and their was shit on the wall with actual hand prints like a scat version of the shining and it took everything i had not to vomit after the immediate 180 i did

[elezenmage-deactivated20200801]

Last week I really had to pee walking home from the bus stop so I jumped into the park bathroom a few blocks from my house (in a pretty upscale area) and there was a chick in goth lolita dress smoking crack in the men’s room.

[damianmcgintleman]

after i saw the remake of annie, i went into the bathroom and this guy at the urinal was whipping his dick back and forth while singing uptown funk and his friend was urinating beside him and laughing the entire time

[elezenmage-deactivated20200801]

My dad and I stopped at a truck stop in Northern California (or Southern Oregon, it was a long time ago and I don’t remember) when I was 12 or so and I ended up needing to go to the bathroom while we ate, so I was directed towards the back of the building. I walked in and saw a woman laying in a clawfoot bathtub, immediately shreiked and turned around apologizing, to be greeted with 10-15 truckers, including my dad, laughing their asses off. …It was a blowup doll.

[damianmcgintleman]

okay that story beats the ones i had

[thelegendofkungjew-archived-dea]

Let me tell you a story about Dairy Queen and the time I closed an Allsup’s.

With my ass.

Many moons ago, when I was but 14, I, my father, and several others were going on a fishing trip to southern Colorado.  Now, like good Texans, we loaded up at 5:00am to make the twelve-hour trip in a single day because, you know, that’s what you do in Texas.

Several hours later, we found ourselves in Childress, the very gateway to the Texas panhandle, a surreal place a thousand Tumblr posts could be written about. There, we had a proper breakfast at Dairy Queen, certainly a Texas institution.  I recall quite clearly having a basket of disappointing chicken strips and unpleasantly greasy fries.  It was a bland, unsatisfying meal, but I was 14, still sleepy, and really quite hungry, so I ate it regardless.

Not long after, I felt a sensation like one my young body had never felt before.

To say that I was in discomfort would be putting it mildly.  I was cramping, I was sweaty, I was fairly sure I was one hard bump in the road away from shitting my pants and forever ruining not just my pants and my pride, but the back seat of my father’s friend’s harvest gold metallic 1999 Ford F350 Super Duty.

This day, the prairie tan upholstery of the harvest gold metallic 1999 Ford F350 Super Duty would be spared.

Mercifully, as we entered one of the many smallish towns on the way through the panhandle, we stopped for gas at an Allsup’s.  Then and there, I was making my final stand.  Every muscle in my body clenched desperately, holding in the terrible burden foisted upon it by a meal of grease, batter, and regret.

Like all Allsup’ses, it was a liminal space, a place that had no real business in the real world and was, instead, a small, dingy realm within its own flimsy walls, a pocket dimension with a spinning rack of country music cassettes and CDs from artists I’d never heard of and a Blue Bell freezer that was likely only ever 1/3 full no matter how long the early days of that Texas summer might drag on.

It was here, in this space between spaces, an outpost in the first real steps into the panhandle, that I would commit one of the gravest crimes of my life.

Stealthily, as though smuggling some secret only slightly less terrible than the grim truth my life had become, I made my way to the back of the dingy, unpleasant gas station.  Thankfully, it had an indoor restroom that didn’t force me to ask for a key, one of the few saving graces of the little mess of a place.

I would, in short order, rob it of even that marginal virtue.

With my stealthy power-waddle into the lav, I locked the door behind me, my body and mind already relaxing, knowing that relief was at hand and soon my suffering would be over though I didn’t know at what could that relief would come, I couldn’t have known.  The restroom was not overly dirty, but just the same I mouthed a hushed “fuck” as a churning growl from ominously low in my gut warned me there was no time for the gossamer security of a paper ass gasket, this was happening then and there, the process had already begun, the die had been cast.

Hurriedly fiddling with my belt buckle as I approached the toilet, the promise of relief quickly gave way to desperation.  In seeing the finish line so close, my body was quickly losing the will to struggle across.  The time of choosing had come, and it was not mine, not my body’s, this was Dairy Queen’s battle; it had been from the moment that overly-dense, overly-greasy shadow of a meal had touched my lips.

With no small desperation, I threw myself at the seat, and it was perhaps in that forced desperation that the morning came to a head.  The sound my body made was unreal as a daisycutter of shit blasted out of me, still several inches above the seat.  In that moment, time itself lost all meaning, I became part of the liminal space of that Allsup’s and the forsaken dungeon that I had doomed its lavatory to be.  I couldn’t bring myself to straighten out enough to actually sit down, in part for knowing the seat had been lost to what had poured out of me and in part because the pain of my cramping gut wouldn’t allow it.

When it was over, I felt a mixture of emotions that seemed wholly fictive, like something no true human could ever experience.  In the immediate aftermath, relief ruled over all other sensation, the pain was gone, the fear was gone, I was left purified…  And then I saw at what cost.

Indeed, I was purified, but what I was purified of had found its way into the world and found, in turn, terrible purchase.  It had not just dominated the toilet.  It was on the walls, it was on the floor, it was even on the underside of the sink.  The spread was so wide, so even, and so dense that it seemed no human ass could have created it, it seemed the work of evil, and yet there I stood, staring at it in horror, at my creation.

Amazingly, as though shielded by Providence itself, I was saved from a similar fate.  Somehow, miraculously, I was no more sullied than had it been a regular, uneventful trip to a restroom.  As I transferred every bit of evil within me into that Allsup’s restroom, it lost whatever dignity it had that I might retain my own, something I am grateful for to this day.  Careful to avoid touching any, you know, shit, I tidied myself up and debated for a moment trying to clean the restroom with the minimal tools at hand, but I knew it was a lost cause, there was no way a damp bit of single-ply could solve anything I had done.

Leaving that forsaken lavatory to stew in my misdeeds with a similar stealth, I made my way out of the restroom and out of the Allsup’s together, finding my way back to the renewed security of the prairie tan and harvest gold metallic Ford F350 Super Duty.  Shortly thereafter, my father found me, asking if I’d gone in to use the restroom yet, if I’d seen its unbelievable horror.

Using my exhaustion to my advantage, I looked up from my book, undoubtedly looking tired and befuddled.

“Nnno?  I was gonna go in, but I used the restroom at breakfast and I just want to get through this chapter, why?”

It was an expert lie and, by God, somehow it worked.  Somehow.

Other parts of the story go on from there, but they don’t relate to public restrooms, where this story does pick up though is a year later.

By sheer coincidence, my father and I were making another trip through that part of Texas.  By sheer coincidence, our journey took us through the same town in the panhandle.  As I saw familiar scenery move past the window, I felt a hot wash of guilt work up through me from below.

And that’s when I saw it.

The Allsup’s.

Not just closed, but boarded up, plywood over its windows, black plastic covering its door.  My stomach dropped and my eyes went wide.

It was then that I told my father the terrible truth of that day a year before.

He was strangely proud I had closed a gas station with my ass.

[damianmcgintleman]

that had me enthralled from start to finish and i am determined to get everyone on tumblr to read the story of how your ass is responsible for the closure of a business.

[backfromhello]

This made my day and every day of last week, as well.

[kickassmemes1]

[yaboydeactivating-deactivated20]

Why do Americans put the month first. It just makes no sense.

[another-nonsense-deactivated201]

We put the month first because in conversation we say, “July 1st, 2015.” Because it’s quicker than “The first of July, 2015.”

“Tomorrow is May 29th” not “Tomorrow is the 29th of May.” That is why we write it 5/29/15 and not 29/5/15. Because we go by how we phrase it in conversation rather than in sequence because it converts better between numbers and language when written in the former. We also use the month first because that’s how calendars are organized. You have one year and one calendar so the year is a constant and can go in the back. However, calendars aren’t organized my days, but rather by months. You flip to the months first and then find the day. So…. p>

While on this topic, we also use Fahrenheit and not Celsius because a 0-100 scale of measuring temperature makes a lot more sense to a human. We know that 0 is really fucking cold and 100 is really fucking hot, which makes sense. Celsius, however, is just about how water responds to temperature, and makes no sense when applied to humans. Fahrenheit is for people, Celsius is for water. And I am a people not a water.

[lasombritas]

oh

[impulsemuppet]

I find this very funny cause you say that but your independence day is not called July 4th, its called the 4th of July.

[fallen-angel-in-a-laundromat-de]

What I find funny is that our armies were about half the size of the British army and yet we were still able to crush your crumby asses, declare independence and pour your tea in the ocean.

[backfromhello]

This got outta hand.

[catwithbenefits]

this is the most graceful thing ever

[backfromhello]

Whoa

[aru]

Tumblr Code.

[geekishchic]

If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.

always reblog tumblr identification

[hobbinch]

This is an absolute tumblr relic. I feel like an archaeologist right now. This is incredible that this is on my dash.

[lovedroughtly]

they wanna be shrek and fiona so bad 

[vebbon-deactivated20170613]

Well, I’m never going to unsee this so I might as well inflict it on as many other people as I can.

[backfromhello]

*brain confetti*

[theclearlydope]

WORTH SEEING: Some beautiful soul made a few changes to the latest Batman v Superman trailer and completely fixed it. 

Thanks Noah

[theclearlydope]

Clearly Dope Parenting: This kid was a fart for Halloween. 

[via]

[backfromhello]

👏🏽

[makeuphall]

Do you want to get Tumblr`s new messaging system?

To get it, someone with active messaging must write you.. As I already have it, I will message everyone who reblogs this.

Once you get the messaging, you help me and send a message to the person who also reblogs this message from you.

Let`s start the chain reaction…

[casualfanboy]

I already have it. Just seeing who needs it

[magicmusic7-deactivated20151129]

is it like the one on facebook? 

[itsnotreal]

Yes it is, anyone need it?

[jeffisageek]

Somebody hit me up! Thanks!

[buzzfeed]

Hello. Here is a video of a toddler being cheered up by her squeaky shoes.

That is all. Goodbye.

[npr]

I’m going to force the next person I’m in a fight with to wear these. -Vesta

[backfromhello]

This is stupid cute.

[ollielephant]

[cumonthevoid]

none pizza with left beef

[the-chocolate-chip-pancake-blog]

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

[babymarkers]

ive missed you

[montparnah-deactivated]

#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)

[ineffable-raccoon]

I love None Pizza with Left Beef.

[subcommander-heartache]

the infamous None Pizza with Left Beef returns

[theowlanddevil]

I giggled like an asshole for 5 minutes with tears in my eyes the first time I saw this, LONG LIVE LEFT BEEF!!

[backfromhello]

I giggle like an asshole for 5 minutes with tears in my eyes every time I see this. #VivaLaLeftBeef

[weloveshortvideos]

If video game lag happened in real life 

[callistomist-deactivated2020091]

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

————————————————————————————-

Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

-Draw something

-This website translates the time into colours.

-Create your own galaxy.

-Play flowing.

-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like. 

-Listen to music.

-Calm.

-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues; 

- 8 hour sleep music.

-Rainy mood. 

-Meditation.

-Coping with nightmares.

-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

-Calm

-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively. 

 Uncomfortable with silence; 

-Rainy mood.

-10 hours of rain and thunder.

-3 hours of rain and thunder.

-Human heartbeat.

-Rainforest.

-Sound of rain on a tin roof.

-Autumn wind.

-Rain on a tent

-Traffic in the rain.

-Soft traffic. 

-Fan.

-Train.

-Simply noise.

-My noise.

-Rainy cafe.

Anxiety; 

-How to stop worrying. 

-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. 

-Self-help strategies for anxiety. 

-Helping a friend with anxiety. 

-All about worrying.

-8 myths about anxiety. 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

-“I’m always sad”

-Feeling sad.

-Going through trauma.

-“I’m always angry”.

-Anger management. 

-All about anger.

-National helplines and websites.

-Self-help strategies for depression.

-Dealing with depression at work.

-Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness; 

-Pets and mental health.

-All about loneliness. 

-“I feel so alone”

-10 more ideas to help with loneliness. 

-How to deal with loneliness.

 Self-harm;

-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.

-146 things to do besides self-harm.

-More alternatives to self-harm.

-Self-harm alternatives.

-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

-Getting rid of scars.  

Addiction; 

-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

-What is addiction?

-All about alcohol and addiction.

-The facts about drug addiction.

 Eating disorders; 

-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

-Eating disorder treatments. 

-Support services for eating disorders. 

-Self-help tips with eating disorders.

-Eating disorder recovery. 

-Recovering from an eating disorder. 

-100+ reasons to recover. 

-Understanding and managing eating disorders. 

 Dealing with self-hatred;  

-3 ways to ease self-loathing. 

-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

-Self-hatred resources.

-10 step plan to deal with self-hate. 

 Suicidal; 

-International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

-Preventing suicide. 

-Reasons to stay alive.

-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

-Coping with suicidal ideation.  

 Schizophrenia;

-All about schizophrenia.  

-Helping a person with schizophrenia.  

-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.  

-Delusions and hallucinations.  

OCD;

-Managing your OCD at home. 

-Overcoming OCD.

-How to cope with OCD. 

-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments. 

Borderline personality disorder; 

-Helping someone with BPD. 

-All about personality disorders.

-Treatment for BPD.

Abuse; 

-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships. 

-Emotional abuse

-Overcoming sexual abuse. 

-Hotlines services. 

-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship. 

-Domestic violence support. 

-Signs of an abusive relationship. 

-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship. 

-Surviving abuse. 

-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed. 

-Sexual assault support.

-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. 

 Bullying;

-How to stand up against bullying.

-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

-How to help stop people bullying you. 

 Loss and grief; 

-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

-Grieving for a stranger. 

-Common reactions to death. 

-Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

-Moving away from friends and family. 

-Coping with a breakup.

 Getting help; 

-Seeking help early. 

-All about psychological treatments. 

-Types of help.

-All about age and confidentiality. 

Things you need to remember; 

- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 

- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 

-You are not alone. 

-You are enough. 

-You are important. 

-You are worth it. 

-You are strong. 

-You are not a failure, 

-Good people exist. 

-Reaching out shows strength. 

-Breathe. 

-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 

-Give yourself credit. 

-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 

-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 

-Focus on the things you can change. 

-Let go of toxic people. 

-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 

-Try not to beat yourself up. 

-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 

-You are not a bother.

-Your existence is more than your appearance. 

-You are smart. 

-You are loved. 

-You are wanted. 

-You are needed. 

-Better days are coming. 

-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 

-You have more potential than you think. 

- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x