and better pan defs

Identifying oppressive definitions of pansexuality and panromanticism and offering better ones. they/ze What's pansexuality? How's it different from bisexuality? (general version) What's pansexuality? How's it different from bisexuality? (multisexual version) Why "gender blind" pansexuality is problematic

[kaylarosenzines]

“My bisexuality is not defined by men. My bisexuality is not about men. My bisexuality is not for men. If my bisexuality even includes men, it is on my own terms: cautiously, reluctantly, inadvisably, and as such an afterthought to nonbinary people and women that to call it ‘secondary’ would be too much. I used to be pansexual; now I’m probably not. I don’t feel the change in my orientation as an abstract change in potential or capacity (e.g., ‘I can’t be attracted to men’); I feel it as a very concrete, habitual status: I’m not attracted to men. My bisexuality is defined by me. My bisexuality is about nonbinary people, women, and me. My bisexuality is for people I choose to share it with, in the ways I choose to share it, but always most of all for me.” — Kayla Rosen, Today’s Identity of the Day Is…#3: Man-Hating Bisexual zine, available in physical form here for $6 and digitally here for $3

[kaylarosenzines]

[image description: my zine Man-Hating Bisexual on top of a pink, purple, and blue tie-dye pattern]

Man-Hating Bisexual is finally available on my etsy! This is my longest zine yet, around 7k words and 58 pages.

“This is a zine about how my orientation and my words for it have changed, and mostly about the guys I’ve dated or almost dated who’ve turned me probably-not-pansexual.

If you’re into misandry and sleepover gossip, this one’s for you.”

Click through to the etsy listing with the “buy” button in the corner or at this link if that’s not visible/working.

[bad-pan-defs]

I’m not really identifying as pansexual anymore, which is one of the reasons I haven’t maintained this blog, but I wrote this zine that continues my work of defining bi- and pansexuality and explores how my orientation has gotten the way it is now. It’s part education, part storytelling, and if you like this blog, I think you’d like it.

[bad-pan-defs]

I'm heterosexual, panromantic and genderfluid (she/her pronouns). It is possible for someone like me to be these things

[bad-pan-defs]

Hey, I just wanted to say that I really like your blog and everything; but when you repost peoples things could you be a little more...well understanding? A friend of mine, who introduced me to your page posted something about being pan and you re-blogged it saying what I assume was meant to be helpful, but it sounded mean and like you were smacking down her explanation of her sexuality. It really hurt her feelings and she won't post anymore cause she's scared they'll be miss read and shot down.

It’s really hard to respond to this without knowing what post was hers and what the conflict was. I’ve definitely struggled to balance defensiveness (a lot of the things that come up here harm me, personally) with understanding (particularly towards kids and people who are receptive to learning). Also, my philosophy has been that if people are saying harmful things publicly, I can correct them publicly, and that way, other people can learn from it too — but tumblr has changed searches  and tagging so much while I’ve been doing this that the public/private distinction is really unclear here, and I think a lot of people wind up with their posts visible in places they didn’t want them to be. That’s hard to navigate, and I don’t want to exploit it.I’m not into meanness for meanness’ sake, but a lot of the time, social justice posts or criticism are taken as mean just for not prioritizing the feelings of someone who’s doing harm. I don’t want your friend to stop posting forever. Sometimes people need to pause and do some self-education or reflection and evaluation, but what I want is for people to correct their mistakes, apologize if there’s a person or group to apologize to, learn better, and move on.That’s the best I can say without more specifics. There are times I’ve been ruder than I think I should’ve, but I can’t really apologize without knowing which situation we’re talking about.

[bad-pan-defs]

I'm going on a 17 day trip with a group of kids in my grade but when we went on a camping trip together they were making fun of a pansexual girl and saying being pan is fake. I'm pan (closeted) and it hurt me really bad, idk how to survive the trip

I’m sorry you experienced that. That sounds horrible to witness. Will there be anyone on the trip, or anyone you’ll be able to reach while on the trip, who could support you?

I’m not the best at advice. Followers, other ideas?

[goodbye-good-bi]

can’t give y’all enough of my face today

[bad-pan-defs]

Happy Bi Visibility Day!

[bad-pan-defs]

Your most recent post/answer was the first time I've seen you on my dash in a while. I don't know if it's a coincidence or if you've been more sporadic (I'm mostly mobile so idk timestamps) but in either case I'm SUPER happy you're back on my dash!!

Aww, thank you! Yeah, “sporadic” is actually pretty generous for how often I’ve been posting. Reading the pan tags and filling the queue tends to take a back seat when there’s a bunch going on in my life, but for everyone’s information, I’m always ~around~ and I will take questions!

[bad-pan-defs]

I saw a post going around about LGBTQIAP and you suggested GSRM... While I respect that choice of acronym, I thought I'd let you know that it was created by an outed pedophile, and adopted so that kinksters and people of "sexual minorities" (a title often claimed by unapologetic pedophiles and the BDSM community) could be included. A better alternative is MOGAI - Marginalized Orientations, Gender Identities, and Intersex.

Thank you, yeah, that must be a pretty old post. I appreciate you looking out for all the people who are harmed by that. I wouldn’t advocate GSM/GSRM at all anymore. (I think you probably meant “alignments,” not “identities,” though.)

[bifaq]

My friend identifies as pansexual, so I started to read about pansexuality and the history online. It made me really upset that so many pansexual resources state as fact that bisexuals ony feel attracted to male and female, or that they id as pan because bisexuality excludes non-binary, transexual and intersex. Or that they ''don't see gender''. I really want to support my friend but things like this make me dislike the pansexual movement and question their reasons to id as pan rather than bi :(

hey anon,

while i definitely, 100% understand where you’re coming from, try and remember that (1) there are a lot of legit reasons why someone might prefer to identify as pan instead of bi and that (2) believe it or not, there are some great pan resources out there– bad-pan-defs being one of my favorites on tumblr :) if your friend ever does say something along those lines, don’t be afraid to correct them. there are a lot of resources from both bi & pan people that explain why saying things like “i like men, women, and trans people” or “i’m genderblind” is bad if you need them. but hopefully your friend will be willing to respect you and your identity while still maintaining their own.

i hope this helps!

mod bi privilege

[bad-pan-defs]

:3 Thanks! And agreed with bifaq/bi-privilege. Some possible reasons for identifying as pan over bi are that it draws explicit attention, within the word itself, to the existence of a range of potential genders big enough that you would refer to “all” of them (bi, in an orientation context, does mean “two or more,” but not everyone would know that from looking at the word) and wanting to make it clear and obvious that they are attracted to all genders, not just some.

(I’m personally a big fan of dual bi/pan identification to take advantage of both terms’ pros and to fuck with people who think you can’t be both.)

[bad-pan-defs]

I came out to one of my best friends as pan and ace yesterday and she's was super supportive but now I feel like shit and I'm all depressed and spent the whole day crying. Why an I like this?

Congratulations on your supported coming out, and I’m sorry that you’re struggling now. It’s possible that coming out took a lot out of you even though it went well. Coming out can take a lot of practical and emotional preparation, and a good reaction doesn’t just cancel that out.

[bad-pan-defs]

I don't know if this is the blog to ask, but I don't know of another one I can trust really to answer it. I get that lesbians saying dicks are gross is transmisogynistic, and I get why, but is it always transmisogynistic to say something like that? Like, if a bisexual person for instance says that dicks are gross, regardless of gender. Personally I can at least understand how someone could think that. Like if they have a vagina and other types of genitalia creep them out or something. Thoughts?

“Dicks are gross” is a somewhat different sentiment than I’ve been talking about lately, but it’s not a great one to express, and it’s certainly not better when someone other than a lesbian is saying it.

I think the situation you’re describing still relies on dyadism/intersexphobia and cissexism/transphobia, implicitly. We pretend that there are discrete categories of genital shapes to a much greater extent than there actually are simple, distinct boundaries around what is a “type” of genitalia. It also ignores people’s agency to define their own genitals.

It also just seems really pointless to me. It seems unnecessary to express disgust over a part of some people’s bodies, and I think some people justify it when it’s about dicks because they assume that dicks are a (sometimes specifically cis) male thing, and men aren’t systematically vulnerable. And of course that erases trans women, transfeminine people, and other groups that may be systematically really vulnerable to that kind of body shaming.

Really, though, I’m not the best person to ask. I’m not a target of transmisogyny, so I don’t have inside knowledge on this. I try to be an ally to trans women and transfeminine people, speaking from what I’ve heard before, but there are limits on the value of my perspective here, and honestly I’m feeling a little out of my depth.

[bi-privilege]

for those of you who didn’t see this morning, the bifaq blog is up & running! if you need advice on issues related to bisexuality, identity, coming out, etc. please direct them to the bifaq blog! if you have sent in an ask in the last couple weeks and i haven’t been able to answer it, please consider resubmitting it there! i will probably not be answering v many advice type questions on this blog in the near future!

[bad-pan-defs]

Idk what to label myself? The definition of pansexual fits me but the label just doesn't feel right I don't connect to it or any label except gay but I can call myself gay and idk what to do. I want a label to feel confident but I don't have one?

I’m not sure if you meant to say you can call yourself gay, but you can. When it’s used as an umbrella term for LGBPQ+ people (gay marriage, gay relationships, etc.), you can use it for yourself too. Bi, poly(sexual/romantic), and queer are also options, if any of those feel better. It’s also possible that something will start feeling more right with time or experience in BPQ+ community.

[bad-pan-defs]

Hi there! I’m one of the mods of bifaq, we’re a new blog dedicated to answering all kinds of questions around bi identity, coming out, biphobia, etc. All this of course in the most inclusive sense – bisexual as well as –romantic, pan and questioning people welcome! Would you mind letting your followers know about us? Looking forward to everyone’s questions! =)

[bad-pan-defs]

Oh my god that discussion... Thanks for fighting the good fight.

[b-assandbones]

What's the difference between pansexual and bisexual

To best answer you

A literal dictionary definition of bisexuality, due to the prefix bi-, is sexual or romantic attraction to two sexes (males and females), or to two genders (men and women).[8][9][16]Pansexuality, however, composed with the prefix pan-, is the sexual attraction to a person of any sex or gender. Using these definitions, pansexuality is defined differently by explicitly including people who are intersex and/or outside the gender binary.

[bad-pan-defs]

The dictionary is not the best place to turn for this. Bisexuality is attraction to two or more genders, which can include nonbinary people. Sex really isn’t the best way to define attraction, because it’s pretty unlikely you’d know all the sex characteristics of people you’re attracted to. Also, sex as a social construct is pretty closely tied to gender, and it’s presumptuous and cissexist to label people’s sexes for them. More info on bi vs pan

[clitorissss]

bad-pan-defs reblogged your post and added: “Whats the difference between bisexual and pansexual?”

Yeah, this is really off…Bi people are attracted…

first of all i never talked about “ cis attractiveness standards “, what does that even mean? cis doesn’t mean attractive, trans doesn’t mean ugly. there’s attractive and unattractive people of all genders and it’s really subjective anyway. i don’t believe you have to look a certain way or conform to a certain gender stereotype to be attractive. 

but your definition literally is confusing because you say pan people are attracted to “all genders”, or are “gender blind” so according to that definition technically there wouldn’t be a difference between pan and bi because a lot of bi people say that “gender doesnt matter to them, it’s about the person”. the only difference i can see logically is that bi people are attracted to males and females (and/or nonbinary people) (so all people) but see them as male and/or female, pan people are literally “gender blind” like they don’t have this mental categorization female/male in their head? they just see people and don’t care about what sex or gender they are, idk. i’m just trying to make sense of what you’re saying. i ultimately think that it all comes down to what label you feel best suits you. so yeah. 

and you can’t say that a person is bi if they are attracted to “different genders” but aren’t attracted to their own gender/sex in my opinion. like if a guy is only attracted to cis women and agender people who are biologically female, is he really bi? just cos that person identifies as agender? or is he really a straight guy. like if im attracted to an agender person does that make me asexual or bisexual even though they are biologically female? it doesn’t make much sense. i’m gay, i like girls, if i see a person i perceive as a girl and i’m attracted to them it doesn’t really matter if they identify as bigender, agender, nonbinary or whatever, i’m still attracted to them because of not just the way they look but also their voices, hormones, pheromones, or whatever causes my attraction to the same-sex. it’s chemical, it’s biological, it’s not something i can change cos “oh that person identifies as such-and-such so i must/mustn’t be attracted to them”, it’s not about whatever identity they identify with but the way i perceive them consciously and subconsciously. especially cos identities can change with time, but people stay the same (unless they get surgery or hormones etc. to change their appearance).

[bad-pan-defs]

[snipped by bad-pan-defs]

[clitorissss]

oh boy… so are you pan or bi? cos you said you’re qualified to answer this cos you’re “pan”, but then you said you’re “bi”? 

and what i meant by “match” is people whose sex and gender identity match? (being born with a vagina and “identifying” as a woman), that’s what cisgendered mean right? like there literally IS such thing as “matching”, or else we wouldn’t have trans people and cis people. to say that cis people exist is not a cissesixt concept, that’s just ridiculous. 

how the hell is being “attracted to biologically female” people transmisogynistic? do you know that sexuality is biological, it is not about identities right? i’m not transmysoginistic for being attracted to females.

the only definition of a lesbian is a woman who is sexually attracted exclusively to the same sex. “women and femmes”? what? a femme is a feminine lesbian, therefore still a woman, it’s not a different gender.

i’m not actually saying that being attracted to an agender person means you’re asexual, i’m pointing out the flaws in your “logic”. 

god i’m glad people like you only exist on tumblr. 

[justcallmecaptbackfire]

bad-pan-defs, As someone who is bisexual, I agree with clitorissss simply because most people who identify as bisexual are sexually attracted to men and women who are cisgendered. Bisexual by definition means being attracted to two genders/sexes. Being poly means being attracted to multiple genders/sexes. Being pan means being attracted to all genders/sexes. 

Does this make that person, who is only attracted to cisgendered people, transphobic? No. Does this mean lesbians who aren’t attracted to transwomen transphobic? No. Is someone who is only attracted to short girls tall-phobic? No. Is someone who is only attracted to girls with long hair, or boys who are hairy, phobic of some sort? No. It’s their sexual preference, so stop making people feel bad for something they don’t have 100% control over. 

[bad-pan-defs]

Excluding people from the community because they don’t fit the majority’s definition is completely wrong, and the more you do that, the smaller and smaller community you wind up with. If transphobic bi people are the majority (and I’m sure they are; transphobes are the majority of everything), that doesn’t mean they should get to set the definitions. You don’t get to speak for all bisexuals.

And actually, yes, having preferences that align exactly with transphobia is transphobic. Surprisingly, there are some structural differences in power between tall girls, short-haired girls, and hairy boys as groups on one hand and trans people/women on the other. Transphobia/cissexism is an oppressive system; tallphobia doesn’t exist.