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Update 11/17/18
It’s been awhile, I’ve had my share of ups and downs. I fell for a scam and lost a small amount of money on an apartment. Oh well, lesson learned. I’m still looking and searching. I recently lost hearing in my left ear. Its been a week and i hope it returns. I’ll give it another few days then to the doctor I go. My dieting is going well, I’ve maintained my weight and that actually really makes me happy. I’ve stopped getting out and exercising due to weather and being sick. After Thanksgiving i’m going to invest 10 dollars in a gym membership becasue the exercising really helped my stress and anxiety. I recently received a pay raise and went through a paid training and testing session. More money and more opportunities are certainly in my future. Therapy has also been great and i seriously can feel a difference in my attitude and well being. i still have rough days where even the smallest thing can bother me but those days are fewer and fewer. Hopefully my next update isn't as far away
Update 10/24/18
Jumping jacks. My worst enemy but my only friend. I’m currently under the weather and have been unable to enjoy my jogs. Since i don;t wanna be confined to my bed suffering. I might as well continue with the jumping jacks to at least get some sort of exercise and to get my heart going. My current goal to maintain myself at 220 pounds, if it goes up, it goes up. But for the most part it’s been the opposite. Usually after my work week I see the results, that’s when I usually weigh myself. The hard part is keeping active on my days off. Not matter how healthy the meal. If’m i’m not active those days I hits me like a train. With me being sick, I've been slacking a bit. I’m gonna sweat this sickness out of me!
Update 10/23/18
Well, I’m officially 220 pounds. I can actually fit into a Large shirt and not feel uncomfortable! Still working my way down to my goal. I did indulge in some cheesecake and i was afraid at first that i might eat like 6 pieces! It was the opposite. I was given 2, i ate half of both and then lost interest. It was delicious but i had some serious will power to not just take the whole cake. I also didn't crave it as much as i use too. My energy has been insane! I rarely ever feel sluggish anymore! Besides today but it’s been a gloomy day. I’m waiting to hear back from somewhere and i’m hoping it’s good news. That’ll be a future update!
Update 10/19/18
Well, 5 more pounds down, hello low 220′s! The progress is steady. Therapy is actually really going well and it’s nice to just have that person to talk to that’s not someone personally connected to me. Everything is going pretty well. The dating portion of my life is still terrible but then again. It usually takes me about a year to actually find someone interested in me so i’m not stressing. In the meantime i’m gonna keep doing what i’m doing to better myself!
Update 10/16/18
Pants. That’s my new struggle. After about 3 weeks of ill fitting pants i had to bite the bullet and buy some new jeans. This is the one clothing item i hate buying, they never had my waist sizer and leg length match. I could find the perfect waist but would have to settle for longer pant legs. Well, i decided to check out sears, since they're having a massive store closing sale. I wander in. Everything a mess. After what feels like an eternity i find some pants. I grab my usual size just to double check. Nope, to big on me. My usual size for the last almost 6 years has been a 42 waist, 40 if i’m lucky! Well, neither of those fit me right at all. So i move down to a 38 waist. MY GOD IT WAS PERFECT! Not tight, not loose, just right! So here i am, wearing a size 38 waist pair of jeans. I haven’t been this size in a long time. I actually did a little dance in the dressing room, that’s how excited i was! I’m hoping to keep this progress going and drop a few more sizes!
Update 10/15/18
Self control, that’s what I've learned from all this. I cleaned out my closet full of junk and threw most if it away (already opened things) or gave it to others who wanted it. As a guy who loves sweets, candy, chips, cookies, Everything! I thought it would be hard to get rid of this stuff but it wasn’t. I’ve managed to not eat any of it for a few weeks so why should i keep it around and why wouldn’t it be easy to throw away. It felt good to do it! The other hard part that’s actually really easy is listening to my body. If my stomach is saying, Hey, I’m hungry. I’ll eat, but without over stuffing myself, just satisfied! Portion control is whatever. It’s just knowing what goes with what and how much is to much. Forgot the whole, one cup of this, one scoop of that. I use to try to finish my plate. Now if i don’t, oh well, more left overs. It’s not a race. People say, don’t weigh yourself. I do it once a week. If the number goes down, YAY! If it goes up, oh well. I’ll keep doing what I've been doing!
Update 10/13/18
So I've been busy the last few days. Work has been busy but less stress. I'm glad I passed off that stress to someone else, it would have killed me if I kept doing what I was. I've been slacking on my exercise but I've been doing what i can to at least keep on the path. The diet has been easier, I've mastered self control and junk and unnesicary snacks. But here I am at a wedding, I was suppose to possibly have a plus one but not anymore. So here I am next to an empty reserved seat. Making the most out of it, the party has been well worth coming. Surprised to find my clothes fit better then they did like 5 years ago. Progress, it has me feeling very good. Mind, body and soul will all be in the same place soon.
Wedding fancy. Sitting next to an open seat
Update! 10/10/18
The first of hopefully many sessions begins tomorrow. I’m nervous and yet relieved in a way. I’m finally talking to a professional, someone who can help me determine the best route to fix my problems and manage them.
Ha, my list of cons are a little longer! But hopefully the Pros are accurate, with some improvement!
Update! 10/9/18
I was told that doing something like this would help keep me organized and on track. So I might do this every few days. Unless nothing exciting happens but today was rather exciting. I heard back from multiple Apartments regarding my request for applications and one is by far the best place I've ever seen. It’s well within my price range and really my new dream apartment. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this works out! I’m still waiting on a doctor to return my phone call but if not by the end of my work day tomorrow i’ll call and see if i can make a few appointments, both for physical and mental check ups. I did another round of jogging/walking today, not as much as the previous days. My legs are a little sore. I’m hoping for a steady goal of 5 pounds a week!
Hard work (life update)
After a rough couple of weeks, I can finally say I'm feeling better. The days still suck but by the end of them I feel accomplished! It's a feeling I need now more then ever. Between some serious life changes and learning to give space and not be a bother to some people, I put that energy into myself. A little self care goes a long way! Little things like just going for a walk or jog can clear the mind and release some tension. The bonus of this is always trying to be a healthier me. I'd like to be around for the future, a few months ago that was beyond being a dream, now? It's closer to a reality. In the span of about 4 weeks, I'm down about 30 pounds, some of it stress related but I've taken that as an opportunity to build better habits, goodbye junk food! I'm closer to my goal and couldn't be happier. I have more steps to take to better my life and the upcoming months won't be easy or cheap. Hello big bright smile! It's time I finally tackled my biggest insecurity, my teeth. I've spent to many years complaining about them, now's the time to just do it. This will be the biggest, scariest thing I could do as part of my health. I need to do it sooner rather them later. I know this post is long and no one will read it but having it out there means something to me. Being healthy isn't just physical, it's mental as well. I have my problems, I thought I was a normal well adjusted happy guy, I was wrong. After spending days thinking and reflecting I've realized that I need help, I'm not as perfect mentally as I thought. I'm ashamed of the things I'd done in the past as a result of this. At those times I didn't realize it but now, it was very clearly an issue and it ruined what could have been great memories. I hurt people I never meant to. I can't take back those things but I can make sure I never allow those things to happen again. I need to conquer these hurdles if I ever want to have a fulfilling life full of happiness and love. I never thought I'd be doing this alone, i imagined this journey with someone but it wasnt their journey to take, its mine. It's a little scary, but getting through that fear is part of this. This is for me! I need to do this! I hope I can share parts of this journey with someone else but only time will tell who and when. Again, sorry for the long rant, I just want people to know that no one's ever alone, life isn't easy or bright and cheery every day. It'll have it's ups and downs, twists and turns. You just have to learn to manage them. Well thanks for reading, if anyone ever wants any updates on my journey, just ask. I'm more then willing to share my progress!
October moodboard
Phone Calls
Waiting
Calling
Waiting again
Talking
Waiting once more
Calling another number
On hold
Talking again
“Today? Yes”
Waiting another round
Paperwork
“Hi, what brings you here?”
Kirby’s Guide to Enjoying October