∞I'm addicted to your face∞

I'm Bek. Born Halloween '97. I like to write in depth about my problems on here lately, so feel free to listen to my heartbreak story😊

[badgoodkid]

You ever feel like you hitched yourself to the wrong horse but you’re so far off the trail you don’t know how to unlatch??

[badgoodkid]

My words matter so little to someone who has a microphone every week.

[badgoodkid]

The truth is;

I’m growing weaker by the day

Number by the minute

And more dead inside by the second.

Nothing is about me. Nothing has ever been about me. But everything is always my fault.

[badgoodkid]

The distance of 15 minutes with me was too much for you,

But your half hour distance for her is just fine.

[badgoodkid]

I just think it’s funny how i was on and off with you for 2 years, keys to your place, and you still refuse to say i was ever your girlfriend.

But she’s one.

[badgoodkid]

Without Dale and Davin not working out, i dont think i wouldve ever met my soulmate.🥺

[badgoodkid]

Huge thank you to these two men.

Even though our relationships didn’t work out, i can’t even begin to express my gratitude. You two showed me how to love, be loved. How to have fun, face my fears. You shaped fantastic memories for me to always cherish. You gave me so much trust and respect, allowed me to grow into myself with you by my side.

I can’t imagine who I would be without you two shaping me. Dale, you’re still shaping me everyday. Davin, you shaped my entire childhood, got me a job, moved out of our parents together. We went through money issues together, an abortion, postpartum, and multiple christmases.

Thank you both, so much, from the bottom of my heart.

[exhaustedeyess]

[badgoodkid]

We all know the difference between “want” and “need.”

Want, is something we CAN survive without.

Need, is something we CAN’T survive without.

So why does it hurt so bad to not be enough for a want, but so much more than enough for a need?

[badgoodkid]

I’m so glad I learned the value of a dollar. Nothing is more irritating to me than watching someone, publicly, beg for something from their SO, get it, then disregard it 2 months later. They dont fucking appreciate it for more than 2 months. Jesus

[its-jakeperalta]

10 REASONS TO ADOPT A PET

You save a life.

The cost of adoption is less than buying a pet.

Most shelter animals have had medical treatment and are spayed/neutered, microchipped, and up to date with vaccines.

There are more unique pets to choose from in shelters. Age, breeds, mixed breeds, and personality choices are greater.

Many are already trained.

Your bed is pre-warmed on cold winter nights.

Animals are just ready to love you, no matter what.

Adopting from a shelter opens a cage for another pet who needs a new forever home.

An adult pet takes the guess work out of determining size, thickness of coat, and energy level.

Mixed breeds are unique compared to purebreeds and may have less genetically inherited health problems.

Take this quiz to find out which dog is right for you!

[celebrity--outfits]

Please adopt some lovely doggos

[petl0vers]

As someone who just adopted a third doggo from the shelter, please do it if you can find a dog right for you. Those shelters do everything they can to keep them alive, but it’s a family that keeps them happy.

[deigns]

Okay, but is there a quiz for which shelter kitty I should get?

[its-jakeperalta]

@deigns​  good u asked, yes!!! sorry I forgot to add that one, anyway here is it

What Breed of Cat should you get?

[deigns]

Ty jake peralta

[islanndss]

Plus? Those animals in the pound? They KNOW that they are on death row. My first dog as a married woman was an eleventh hour adoption. A 13-y-o basset hound mix (pound said they thought he was 11 because they were trying to save him by making him sound a teeny bit younger) and he was “Til death do we part” loyal. We lost him 4 years later to cancer, and we (the family had grown from 2 to 3 humans) were devastated.

My sister? Fosters cats, and ended up with a charmer who’d been hit by a car. Sephiroth is a well loved asshole, and his brother, Cloud (a stray who found a sucker bet), is almost canine levels of friendly.

Be a superhero. Save a life. Rescue.

[wizzardhat]

As a side note, if you’re really dead set on a particular breed you can always try looking up a rescue organization for that specific breed. That’s how we managed to adopt a 1yo purebred italian greyhound–he had been abused by his first owner without the breeder’s knowledge, then shuffled around to a few homes before he finally got picked up by a greyhound rescue, and then came to us. He never 100% recovered his confidence and was an anxious dog most of his life, but he was a VERY happy dog who loved to snuggle and stared up at you with these big stupid doe eyes and ran around in circles when you let him out in the yard. I think every dog I’ve ever had was either from a rescue organization or a pound, and they’re incredible animals.

[itsajayphoenix]

Please adopt cats too💜

[kmsjackrabbit]

Posting in hopes someone adopts my cat i had to surrender recently 😭🤞

[damnonew]

my adopted baby

he was 10 years old and in the shelter because his human had passed away

he’s 12 now and the clingiest, sweetest boy who sits like a doofus, purrs nonstop and adores belly rubs

[cinnamon-sunglasses]

Honestly adopting this little 10yo lady was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I emailed the shelter during lockdown with details about my home life, house, work pattern etc and they choose a cat that would work for me. They were 100% right, she’s perfect! ❤️

[threecrowsinaknittedsweater]

adopted both my bbs and i love them so much 😭

[riseatlantisss]

Both adopted, both amazing !!

[thenoveljunkie]

Both adopted over 10 years ago!!!

[frogsncranberries]

adopted from a shelter 2 weeks ago and she already feels like she’s been here for ages

[badgoodkid]

Fuckhead agreed with me at 3am that I’m his favorite hottie hahah

[badgoodkid]

Honestly, it’s a shame someone can, at one point, know so much about you; your fears, your dreams, your wants, your needs. Your favorites, your hates, your past and your future. You can be so close, having constant deep conversations. Talking about everything you want out of life. Crying in front of each other because the feelings aren’t forming words.

Then they turn into nothing. An acquaintance, a stranger. You make eye contact and you don’t even think about all of the deep talks. All of the tears. All of the smiles, the laughs, the cuddles in your sleep. It all fades away for some.

For me, it’s still so strong. I look at you and remember everything. I remember crying about my feelings. I remember telling you YOU are what i want out of life. I remember talking about our career opportunities and how they would work together. I remember talking about trying to long-distance us. Do you remember none of this? Do you not remember holding my hand in the car, telling me that i’m the only thing you know of for sure in your life, even if it means we’re only friends?

[badgoodkid]

I might have a pretty face and a good potential for a body and i’m sweet.

But i’m also overweight.

I’m ugly.

I’m annoying.

I send unsolicited things and fuck up friendships.

I try too hard for every single fucking thing in my life and to keep it.

[badgoodkid]

“You’re only 1 minute 8 seconds off of MY personal best, that’s insane.” -boyfriend after i made him bust with my mouth

[badgoodkid]

3AM Thoughts (With a Doctor Appointment in the Morning)

You know the saying “just keep moving”? I picture that, in my life, i’m walking down this looooong highway. Destination unknown, because that’s life, right? Occasionally it’s two steps forward, one step back. Lately i know i’ve been making steps towards whatever this next mile marker is, but im hoping it’s a stride, not pitter patter feet. Hoping it’s going to be the stepping stone, not just a pebble nearby.

Here’s some of my big mile markers in order.

Mile marker 1 (2015): TRULY fell in love with someone who loved me back. He got me my favorite job, and a job i’m still working for (more to come later on)

Mile marker 2 (2016): found my love of live music, graduated high school.

Mile marker 1.5 (2017): got pregnant at 18, unable to provide. Got an abortion.

Mile marker 1 (2018): terrible postpartum, lost self, cheated, lost love, lost house. Homewrecker to someone elses’ home, as well as my own. Moved in with a friend who got bad in drugs and had to move back home.

Mile marker 1 (2018): moved back home. Spent all savings on weed to mentally calm the demons telling me to harm myself.

Mile marker 2.5 (2019): got a second job, started getting a better income. Started going to the gym and “self harming” that way instead of ruining my skin or relationships.

Mile marker 2 (2019): got arrested for HALF. A. GRAM. OF. POT.

Mile marker 3 (2019): Found this great guy. Helped me see the beauty in a no drug/no alcohol household and have fun, after living most of my life believing drugs/alcohol was the life of the party,

Mile marker 2.5 (2019): he breaks up with me. We have an on-again-off-again relationship for 2 years. Constantly flipping between insanely happy to extremely devastated.

Mile marker 3 (2020): COVID happens. Save money from no reason to spend money and staying home. House hunted, painted, donated to Watsky’s World Record/COVID relief. Started writing some poetry to help with ex thoughts constantly popping up (www.tumblr.com/badgoodkidprose)

Mile marker 4 (2020): got own apartment. Smallest weight I’ve been since middle school. Managers made comments about how good I look (after 4 years at job) from 2 month furlough. Got job at the bar my friend owns that I was TRYING to work at for YEARS.

Mile marker 3.5 (2020): get really sick for a month (assuming COVID even though negative testing for all upper respiratory 4x). Laid at home for 3 weeks with a fever between 100.1°-103°. Watched LOTS of TV, including all Marvel movies again, Hamilton 4x, Archer 2x, Riverdale, and the Office. Fainted multiple times just walking within my 600ft apartment. Watch would notify me while sleeping that I NEEDED to slow my heart rate down (SLEEPING!). Asked mom to have sleepovers with me. Wake up on my birthday, unable to breathe, with a text from ex “happy birthday.” Broke down in tears, mom took me to ER. Get admitted for 3 days. Felt like i was a forgotten patient day one, took almost 24 hours to eat, or saran wrap for my IVs for shower.

Mile marker 4 (2020): back to work. Good moment with ex for a while. Ended. Painted. Made best friend Alex. Played lots of minecraft and constantly tapped creative side for 6 months. Got health insurance. Got amazing boyfriend. Concerts are set for fall 2021 with hopefully no more delays. Trips are being planned. Confidence growing very quickly.

Mile 4 continued (2021): just wrote cleaning manual for bar. Just wrote WHOLE TRAINING PACKET for new hosts at same job first my love got me 5.5 years ago. Grew a backbone so I’m no longer a doormat and will speak up for myself and for my mental health.

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Where is it going next? I’m ✨hoping✨ another marker forward with the training packet and cleaning manual submitted. But my backbone might get me in trouble. Might leave that “second” job i used to care so highly about. (It was a really nice thing to bond with my ex over, however was a huge reason we couldnt be together. Also no reason to care about that, so why are you, Bek? You got a really good man....) Anyways, I’m terrified. I REALLY want this to be a positive for me, and im hoping it is, but what if it’s all a flop? What if i go nowhere with any of it? Was it worth doing both, making my normal pay, hoping they notice I’m more than just loyal. I’m committed. I’m cross-trained across the whole area. I know how to do all manager capabilities. Is it going to be enough? I don’t want to have to start somewhere new and expect more money off the bat, when I have such solid roots already placed.

[hotboyproblems]

someone else: *makes a mistake*

me: don't worry buddy! it is not a big deal! we can fix this! we'll figure it out!!

me: *makes a mistake*

me: i am irredeemable worthless garbage and i want to die