Less Alone | Zhongchi fic
Childe never had someone to lean on. No one he could talk to about himself, his feelings. Everything told him that he shouldn’t have those feelings so he got used to pretending they don’t exist. Of course it’s unhealthy, but it had become a norm. Everyday, he’d be ok because he has to be. As a harbinger, the Tsaritsa’s vanguard and weapon, there was no room for silly emotions.
But whenever things got too rough, just a bit too much for him to ignore, he’d find himself high up on tianheng mountain. Childe would take some time to unwind and relax. To cool down and regain his composure so he could continue being that strong and powerful Harbinger most know him to be.
He’s always alone, but that was okay. Having space like this to process his thoughts and emotions felt like a luxury he should not have already.
One night, he had horrible nightmares and sleep paralysis. Childe simply didn’t dare to return to sleep. He didn’t want to relive his younger years in the abyss. He’s strong now but whenever he’s in that nightmare, he’d forget everything. Childe felt nothing more than a small, terrified kid.
So he got up and headed to his usual spot up on tianheng mountain. It was dark and monsters were lurking but he could easily protect himself. From afar, a silhouette of a tall, slim man stood where he usually went. It came as a surprise, Childe had never seen anyone at his spot.
Moving closer, he recognised that man as a friend, or perhaps more than that.
“Zhongli xiansheng…” he murmured quietly.
“Ah, Childe, what brings you here in the middle of the night?”
“Nothing, just felt like it.” Childe shrugged with a small, crooked smile as Zhongli looked at him.
“Am I disturbing you? Should I go?”
“No, of course not. Please, stay if you wish to.” Childe stood next to Zhongli, gazing down at Liyue harbor and out into the horizon.
It was peacefully quiet as per usual but it felt strange with Zhongli’s presence, even if he wasn’t doing much. Childe couldn’t really say for sure if he liked or disliked it. They remained silent for a while. It didn’t take long for Childe’s mind to wander within the myriad of different and chaotic thoughts.
It was when Zhongli spoke when Childe return to Teyvat. “Childe, would you, perhaps, care to share what’s on your mind?” Childe turned to Zhongli, who was still gazing at Liyue. “Uh huh? Nothing’s on my mind…” He sounded less certain that he hoped to be.
Zhongli turned to look at him. The amber eyes looked as though they already knew Childe was lying. For some reasons, Zhongli could always easily get Childe talking like that.
“Ok, I was lying. But I don’t really want to talk about it. Or even think about it. ” Childe admitted softly. It felt all too personal to share with Zhongli. And he didn’t want to tarnish the impression he had of him. Zhongli didn’t say anything after and Childe was glad that he chose not to press on the topic.
Then Zhongli wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling Childe close. He was stunned but did not resist. “Zhongli? What’s this..?”
“You said you didn’t want to think about it so let’s just enjoy the present together. No past nor future, only the moment now, you and me.” Zhongli said, smiling softly at the troubled man next to him.
Childe didn’t know how but his walls just crumbled. Zhongli was willing to spend time with him? The abyss tainted human? Not only did he choose not to press on what Childe was thinking about, he even tried to do as he wished?
Childe never dreamt of being treated like that before.
Tears started falling uncontrollably and Childe looked away, desperately wiping his tears away.
“Childe, I apologise if I said anything wrong-“ Zhongli looked visibly alarmed when Childe started crying even harder.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Childe asked shakily.
“Oh Childe, why wouldn’t I be? You’re someone I care for deeply, someone I cherish and would hold dear.”
“… Zhongli Xianˢʰᵉⁿᵍ…” Childe cried, burying his head against the crook of Zhongli’s neck when he was pulled into a warm embrace.
“Cry as much as you wish, Childe, I’ll be here for you.”
Childe spilled everything. All his grievances, sadness and insecurities. For hours, they talked with Childe feeling secure in Zhongli’s arms. By the end of it, Childe felt lighter than ever… and very sleepy. The ginger eventually dozed off, exhausted from crying and venting.
As the sun started rising, Zhongli didn’t have to heart to wake the sleeping beauty so he chose to pick him up.
He brought him home and stayed with him as Childe had requested. The Geo Archon thought about Childe’s words. About how he felt unloved and that he should be unloved.
Zhongli’s heart broke a little, wondering if the moment they had helped Childe feel a little less lonely.
“You’re loved, Childe,” Zhongli whispered quietly,
“by your friends, colleagues, the Tsaritsa…”
Zhongli brushed away Childe’s fringe, gently kissing him in his forehead as he blessed him with sweet dreams.
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