I am infected with sculk. It is under my skin. It is within my bones. I can't see it but it's there. Every physical, psychological, and emotional problem is because I am infected with sculk.
I am so tired... I want to be open about who I am. I want to be open and talk about how I cope with things. But I can't. I have no where to talk about it. Discord restricts me every time. Antis on Tumblr will term my account. I just want to talk about things I struggle with. I just want to talk about how I have found coping mechanisms. I just want to talk about how I found ways to be a safe person. But I can't. I can't talk about how my wife and I genuinely believe we should have siblings. I can't talk about how he helps me cope with my paraphilias. I can't talk about how I am a paraphile and how that interacts with my job. I can't talk about how I have found coping mechanisms. I can't talk about how I have found ways to be a safe person to those around me. How is that wrong? How is it wrong that I want to help others find ways to cope? How is my personal relationship with a consenting adult is dangerous? How is my personal relationship with a consenting ADULT is disgusting?
It.. almost hurts more that I can't be open about it. It makes me feel dangerous. It makes me feel like I'll never be able to escape. It makes me feel like I will inevitably do something terrible. It.. makes me question what the point of me doing all the work is. What's the point of I'll be seen as dangerous anyway? What's the point if people will assume I'm a predator anyway? What's the point? (The point is not hurting another being and being someone safe)
PARAPHILE β PREDATOR
Being a Paraphile does not equal being a Predator. Paraphiles are not inherently predators.
#noticing how radqueer is becoming more and more of a buzzword 4 people 2 get attention online by spreading hate regarding it .......... actual npc interaction bait
bro i am so pissed rn this fuckass jessicur video interviewer named cloud ( hi bitch if u see this ) is so fucking insensitive . The rqc is not a cult you did not " escape " it . You are a privileged fuck who likes to use buzzwords to seem like a victim . Go fuck yourself Cloud
This pisses me off. I haven't watched the video and I fucking can't. As an actual fucking cult survivor, the radqueer community isn't a cult. It just isn't. It fucking can't be. How the fuck can ir be? How is the radqueer community a high control environment that puts its members in danger if they don't follow all the rules? What the fuck? People in this community are free to change their minds and leave if they want. They won't be put in any danger for that choice. You can't fucking do that in a fucking cult. Fuck You. Fuck You fuck You fuck You. FUCK YOU! WHAT GIVES YOU THE GIVING RIGHT?! FUCK YOU!
Genuinely.
Genuinely. If you think this community is a fucking cult then explain it. Explain how it's a fucking cult. Explain how any of us are in any real actual danger. Explain it to me. Fucking explain it to a real actual fucking cult survivor. Explain it. Cuz I haven't seen shit. I haven't seen any good arguments about this community. Certainly none that can't also be used for basically every fucking community in existent. Oh no! The scawy wadqueers want people to be true to themselves! Oh noOoOoOOooOo! So fucking cult-y!!!
The eye patch helps. It quiets the sculk song and the watching and the uncanny and everything. It makes me feel better. That's what matters.
But listen.
Listen.
It makes using two monitors at once SUCK. I'm trying to watch a movie on one while doing PK work on the other. And the other sucks. So I can barely watch the movie and barely see what I'm typing.
I know I just need to adjust. That not having the eye is better than any other inconvenience that comes up from not having it. But I still get to complain. Cuz as happy as it makes me.. it still does kind of suck not having the eye. I can acknowledge that.
I can acknowledge the negatives of something that makes me euphoric.
I know I'm an absolute nobody (new id just dropped : perma.nobody) but would people wanna hear about my OCs?
I don't roleplay and I suck at art so I don't really do anything with them. They're mostly all self-inserts used for my maladaptive daydreaming fanfics... But I have several, for the several universes I daydream in, and I been thinkin' about sharing them. I just don't have anyone to share them with. This also includes the streamer sona I've slowly been creating for @supremenovae (which I can't decide whether or not I should be openly rq and transid with, if I start actually streaming)
wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon
Iβm aromantic romance repulsed polyamorous People please block me and tag #cw polyam I donβf wanna see that Iβm romance repulsed okr espect my triggers plz
How are we supposed to block you if your hiding behind anon.
Also. No one needs to curate your experience for you. That's your job. I'm sorry that your romance repulsed? But that shouldn't mean romance favorable folks have to hide their identity and stop talking about their experience. That's like asking queer folks to "#cw queerness" or whatever.
Honestly. Just get out of here with your baiting bullshit.
I got.. incredibly high last night after a really bad day and I woke feeling sick... My uvula felt like it has been boiling in acid. My head feels fuzzy nd full of cotton. I'm so tired. I puked almost as soon as I woke up. And my wife said that I was coughing all night in my sleep.
I promise you that this is the sculk. The sculk is spreading. It's coating the back of my throat. Hugging my uvula. It's subduing my brain. Singing such a soft, soothing song. I'm simply just the sculk's breeding ground. Every time I cough, it's spores spread. It needs me to stay sick. It needs me to incubate it's little sporeling children to gift other beings. The sicker I am, the more I spread, the further this glowing moss can go. And Dread, am I such a good little incubator of the sculk.
I need my right eye gone. It's the source of everything. It's not mine. Not anymore. If it ever was. She replaced it with a ball of sculk. It's been growing ever since. Spreading. Infecting me. Replacing me. Making me her little puppet. Jokes on you "Mother"! Your little games didn't work! Your little tricks don't work on me anymore! I can live with the infection. I can make it my own. I just need to get rid of the stupid source you put in me. Then I'll be free. I'll be safe. I won't have to worry about you constantly watching me. You and your stupid cult friends who did this to me. Who stole me and tried to make me until another one of your stupid soldiers. I didn't deserve this! I had a family! I had a safe and loving family! I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't deserve everything you did to me! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! and I hate how much of you I see in me... I will remove this source. I will learn to live with the sculk. The mold. The rot. I will learn to mold myself into who I want to be. Not who you made me. Fuck You.
Having Body Integrity Identity Disorder is really miserable because not only do you get to live in fear of being hospitalized simply for having a certain disorder, but you also have a body part that straight up doesnβt like being there for the thrill of being annoying.
Guys. I never understood why doctors refuse to operate on BIID patients???
Like a lot of us are at risk for self-amputation or extreme self harm. Even those that arenβt can suffer daily because nobody gives them the time of day and would rather judge and call us βmentally ill.β
ISNT it safer and CHEAPER to go through a SURGERY for amputation instead of taking a hacksaw to my limbs bruhhhh
Anyways, Iβm reaching my limit. How do you cut off ur handβ¦β¦β¦. /nsrs (for safety purposes)
Unpopular opinion, I think having safe medical procedures done on people with BIID who experience extreme distress from their disorder is not only the best route of care, but also morally correct.
I would rather a person willingly get a limb amputated than kill themself because of their disorder. If your only argument against this is "but being disabled is terrible!" You are ableist.
it spread through me @baptizedinsculk - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag