wgat the ffuck

[acapelladitty]

I wish I put as much effort into my life as Phil Collins did into the Tarzan soundtrack

[edwad]

i think the minimum wage should be 10000 dollars

[soyamorsoyvida-deactivated20191]

Per what

[edwad]

second

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[whitesunlars]

i realize this is about turning 30 but my brain keeps saying it’s about the Dust Bowl happening again but in the 2030s

[hyrude]

u ever have cravings that are like “you WILL eat a rice krispies treat or there will be consequences. you have 24 hours”

[killjoyfag]

[puts several things in my coat pockets] inventory

[unclefather]

me in a pet store: i’d like to speak with your manager

cashier: what’s the problem?

me: you have ratatollie over there in a cage with no equipment… nothing to cook… you think these are fair living conditions? he lives to cook

[rosewater1997]

Are you there god It’s me your bastard child 

[ghostlyss]

(Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan)

[mysharona1987]

[aigislovesrobots]

he makes a serious point here

[jackedspicer]

who was i before i found out i had adhd. Like Oh my almost never works but im fine

[jackedspicer]

i got distracted and accidentally omitted the word Brain. this post was performance art

[owlmylove]

when ur drunk any bathroom is a save point

[owlmylove]

i have no memory of writing this

[weather-peen]

never trust a person who talk to their pets in their normal voice

[mpregalecki]

NOT TRUE before my nephew leaves my home he always looks my dog straight in the eye and says “Delilah. You are a wonderful woman. Have a good day.”

[ehjaybones]

socks on Christmas

[queeequeg]

8 year old me: what the fuck I said I wanted toys

me now: *crying* thank you.. thank you sweet christ my feet are always so cold.. so very very cold

[mp3juice]

[hotwhiteguy]

Promoted

[thebootydiaries]

my wife: i’m leaving you

me: why?

my wife: you feel the need to use the alignment chart in every aspect of life and i can’t take it anymore

me, quietly: lawful evil behavior

[deathdrop]

I like ginger ale. Light carbonation and flavor… it’s a neat little drink lol

[kinktendo-shamecube-is-dead]

tea

[himejoshikomaeda]

no, ginger ale.

[kinktendo-shamecube-is-dead]

no the post is tea

[himejoshikomaeda]

it’s about ginger ale