Batman Barista

[girlsingreenfields]

Yellow. Photographed by Cho Gi Seok.

[tblmemesbr]

[why-do-i-need-to-type-a-name]

Oshit

[fortjester]

[fleurdulys]

The Irritating Gentleman - Berthold Woltze

1874

[gonegrls]

why does this communicate the universal mood we women experience so perfectly

[foxy-voxy]

This is doubly annoying because she’s clearly in mourning; look at her clothes. those are mourning clothes. The way she clutches her handkerchief. The wetness of her eyes. She’s not a lark to the seaside, she’s traveling to or from a funeral. And this dandy fuckboy can’t look beyond his own nose and have some fucking respect.

[jeanjauthor]

This is why I support artists.  You can tell a story without any words at all.  You don’t even need to title this piece “The Irritating Gentleman” and yet most 21st Century women will know exactly what this 19th Century woman endured on the day of that painting.

[tnbtheories]

Action-reaction.

[thebestoftumbling]

Snapcats!

[hothotphone]

I Am The Guy That Writes Your Name On Your Starbucks Cup

I am the guy that writes your name in black marker on your Starbucks cup. I probably write around five hundred customers’ names every day. Recently, it has come to my attention that people are not always satisfied with the name I’ve written. In fact, many people say that the names are often wildly inaccurate and they want to know why I can never get it right. Allow me to explain why:

I am fucking with you.

I didn’t mishear your name, I’m not illiterate, and your name is not difficult to spell. I am deliberately misspelling your name in order to confuse and annoy you. It’s the best part of my job and I will never stop.

Let me assure you, everyone in the world knows how to spell ‘Jessica.’Literally everyone. I decided to write ‘Gessika’ on your cup in order to play with your emotions in a shrewd and calculating way. And it worked. You posted about it on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr, and you complained about it to everyone at your office. I’m in your head now.

Allow me to talk you through my fiendish thought process. When I hear a customer’s name, I immediately think “how can I spell this name in an obnoxious way that will infuriate and perplex them?” Often, this involves swapping out a letter for a similar sounding letter. For example, writing ‘Khris’ instead of ‘Chris.’ It’s a small change, but people still hate it. Other times, I like to really fuck with people’s minds by spelling their name in a way that barely contains any of the correct letters. Like that time I wrote ‘Nykal’ instead of ‘Michael.’ Oh man, that guy legitimately looked like he was going to have a mental breakdown when he saw that.

But every once in a while, I’ll spell your name correctly. You’ll pick up your order and be delighted to discover that your name was spelled right today. You’ll forget about all the previous spelling errors and think that maybe things are starting to look up for you. That’s what I want you to think. I’m lulling you into a false sense of security. This isn’t over. It’s never over.

[John Purcell]

[Visit his website and read his writing on McSweeney’s and Onion News Network]

[batmanbarista]

A fly kept landing on my screen in drive-thru and opening my drawer today at work. So there's that.

[millionsmillions]

But I’m not going to complain about Britain’s “lack of a service culture”—it’s one of the things I cherish about the place. I don’t think any nation should elevate service to the status of culture. At best, it’s a practicality, to be enacted politely and decently by both parties, but no one should be asked to pretend that the intimate satisfaction of her existence is servicing you, the “guest,” with a shrimp sandwich wrapped in plastic. If the choice is between the antic all-singing, all-dancing employees in New York’s Astor Place Pret-A-Manger and the stony-faced contempt of just about everybody behind a food counter in London (including all the Prets), I wholeheartedly opt for the latter. We are subject to enough delusions in this life without adding to them the belief that the girl with the name tag is secretly in love with us.

Zadie Smith could write herself out of a Chinese takeout box, and that’s exactly what she does in her essay on the differences between British and American takeout culture, “Take It Or Leave It," for The New Yorker. (via millionsmillions)

I feel like this is SO SO RELEVANT to anyone who works in the food or service industry, but ESPECIALLY STARBUCKS!

[batmanbarista]

I am so upset, I had a drink made at Starbucks and when they made it they showed it to me and from what I could see it looked good but I waited a bit and when the whip melted the drink was like an inch down from the rim! So they had filled it up with an inch of just whip cream and when I showed them this and explained it and asked for more milk they refused to do it and refused to remake it saying well I showed it to you before and its just fine, well I couldn't tell before that they used so muc

According to Starbucks standard, we are required to fill the cup up to 1/8 inch from the rim. So, for mochas or hot chocolates or cinnamon dolces, we pour the milk and leave room to top the drink with whipped cream. So yeah- if you wait around for the whipped cream to melt, there should be about an inch of room. Par for the course. Don't like it and want to avoid the conundrum? Order your drink without whipped cream, we'll fill the rest with milk.

On the other hand, provided you hadn't already downed part of your drink and then come back to the bar to ask for more milk, there should be no reason why your barista wouldn't be willing to top you off with some more milk. Its not a big deal- if a customer came to me upset over something like that, easiest thing to do is just steam up some more milk and send them on their way. Or (If they are really irate but still willing to wait, remake the whole drink) I dunno why you encountered so much pushback- someone must have been having a bad day. :/

[bitchyaurora]

How to make a Starbucks addict from a non-coffee drinker: employ them.

[batmanbarista]

Had a customer come in and order a tall coffee in a grande cup with steamed milk to the top. He got super grumpy when I charged him for a misto. Proceeded to spill his drink right in the middle of our store. He looked down at the mess he made, reached out and kind of wiped it around with the bottom of his shoe, glanced up at me, and walked out the front door. .... ...really dude?

[brohemianrapcity]

[10knotes]

vampiraaaa:

Literally been waiting for this gif set

[lost-moonlight]

Memorise this everyone

[batmanbarista]

NO. I am not okay with this.

I have assholes who come into my store and try to play this scene on me, word for word. I almost got fired one day because I decided I had had enough and decided to spit back and explain something.

Lemme tell you guys a little story.

Starbucks used to have 2 sizes- SHORT, and TALL. Short was (and is) 8 ounces, tall is 12. But people wanted more coffee, so we introduced Grande. Meaning big. So short (for smallest) tall (for the middle), and grande (for biggest). But people just wanted more coffee! So let me introduce the Venti. Which, yes, does in fact mean 20. But hey- wanna guess how many ounces the venti hot cup has, mutherfucker? TWENTY. Not so stupid sounding now, is it?

Oh, and because jackwagon customers KEPT COMPLAINING about not having enough beverage at once, we introduced the trenta for iced coffees and teas. Guess what 'trenta' means? Thirty. Guess how many ounces a trenta cup can carry? THIRTY.

SO DON'T GIVE ME YOUR DISDAINFUL LOOK OF SUPERIORITY AND TELL ME THAT I'M 'STUPID IN THREE LANGUAGES'.

If I don't use those 'stupid three languages' to refer to the cup size, it means to corporate that I am not following 'Starbucks Standard', and could mean my job. (I've had coworkers fired over less.)

And I don't see people giving Coffee Bean a hard time about labeling their middle size as 'regular'. How the hell am I supposed to translate that one? And don't even get me started when I have customers come in asking for a regular coffee. I even make it easy for them, and ask 'Sorry, we don't have a 'regular' size, would you like a small, medium, or large?' And they still glare at me and growl "I said REGULAR sized black coffee!"

[propisces]

Gemy - Bridal Spring Summer 2014

[batmanbarista]

Sooooo did anyone else get to participate in the coorporate wide jack-up of their drivethru expediter?

[snickell]

I don't think you inderstand what you are asking for.

Me: Hi there, what can I get started for you this evening?

Customer: Yeah I’d like a Venti Black iced tea, no water no sweetener. But like, I want it warm.

Me: Warm? You mean like no ice?

Customer: No, warm like… Like a latte. Can you do that?

Me: Oh! We have hot teas made with tea bags, including the same type of black tea that we use our our iced varieties. Would you like to try that instead?

Customer: Yeah sounds good. But still make it no water, no sweetener, okay?

Me: ….. Cooworker: …..

Me: Yeahokay. It’ll be $X.XX at the window.

Cooworker: PLEASE tell me that you are just going to give her teabags in a cup.

[batmanbarista]

Oh my goooOOOOD.

[hateyoualatte-blog]

Me: Can I get a name for this order?  Customer: Harry Potter!! Me: 

Customer: 

[hateyoualatte-blog]

When couples decide to fight right at the register. 

[batmanbarista]

Or when customers fight over who gets to pay.... I usually just tell them that I will ring with whatever I find in my hand first. They usually get into a huge loud tizzy between themselves and leave all embarrased or they quietly just figure it out.