my life.

Cynthia's the name; life, poems, art, and humor is the blog.  :3

[responsibilitychan]

[underwaterslopgirl-deactivated2]

Inspecting your dash for mice

[thadeeliv]

found one

[third-order-simulacra]

sensible chuckle

[brmanso27]

Humans are awesome

[ladydisdain81]

Alien 1: “So you see, this is why we do not provoke the humans.”

Alien 2: “Yes, this is an insightful battle simulation training recording.”

Alien 1: “You misunderstand. The humans are not battle training. They are doing those things for entertainment only. For fun.”

Alien 2: “…What?… for entertain… Even the human young?!”

Alien 1: “Yes.”

Alien 2: “I… I understand now.”

[stuffandatherstuff]

This is awsome holy fuck

[sans--seraph]

I mean, not just for fun, though. 

Like, the fun helps, sure, but the three strongest motivators of the human race are “it was there,” “hold my beer,” and “they all said I couldn’t… so I did”. 

And that’s probably pretty damn close to a perfect summary, here… 

[timeloopfemme]

ur twenties are weird. i have the priorities of a kindergartener again. i don’t know what in the hell is going on EVER. i like colors. i like soup. i want to take a nap

[rneadowsoprano-deactivated20211]

Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted

[hiscarissima]

Wait what.

[rneadowsoprano-deactivated20211]

Sometimes old ladies had to kick the ladder out from under their stepfathers when they were girls and that’s valid

[saint-batrick]

oh, my little old lady murder story was her replacing the medication in her abusive husband's capsules with rat poison.

"back in the day, our grandmothers worked on their marriages and didn't get divorced!" nah, friend, they COULDN'T get a divorce so sometimes they killed their fuckin husbands. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[smashasaurus-rex]

My grandma murdered her first husband the first time he beat their daughter.

[sandersgrey]

[thatdisasterauthor]

My college was next to an assisted living facility and one time we went over there to draw people’s portraits so we could get practice drawing older people. The lady I was drawing idly told me that she "dealt quite handily with her first husband” while making a stabbing gesture. Five minutes later she requested I make sure not to draw her double chin. I honored that request.

[need-a-new-reality]

So when I was a child my grandmother told all these great stories about growing up in the Alaskan wilderness. Amazing bad ass stories about her and my great-grandmother. I recently asked my mom why my great-grandmother moved from Texas to Alaska in the first place. Turns out my Great-grandfather was abusive to my great grandmother for years and she lived with that until the first time he hit my grandmother, who was like three at the time, my great-grandmother got him very drunk and beat him to death then moved to Alaska to hide from the cops.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

HUGE fan of trees growing in places they should not reasonably be able to

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

upside down 

sideways

out of a rock

upside down in a freakin LAKE 

 out of an Indiana courthouse

out of ANOTHER

GODDAMN

TREE

none of that is a reasonable expectation!!!

[anxietyproblem]

[raintome]

[anchorsandmoons]

[sophiaungrady]

Child Hood Memories you have to reblog if when you saw this you heard the man say it in your head

[mymindpalaceisatardis]

*cries*

[faithtrustandpixiedusttfios]

It’s etched in there…

[awwww-cute]

[blackandmildwithgod]

If you scroll pass this you don’t got ten dollars

[apollonne-deactivated20201016]

Need my $10

[apollonne-deactivated20201016]

Guys i literally just got tipped $10 at work

[miles-b-morales-deactivated2026]

I aint risking it.

[hiscutewittlekitty-deactivated2]

10 10 10

[apocalyptotyler]

Always reblog money cat

[fuckyeahgeekknits]

A Knitting Network Experiment

Reblog this post if you are a knitter

Check the tags

Find other knitters to be friends with

????

Profit

[batpoopcrazy]

Reading expressions

"As he gave me a get a clue look" I made the look at my book.

Does anyone else just make the expressions of characters while they're reading? For example:

"Expression calm, she raised a delicately arched eyebrow" and I raise the eyebrow at the book.

"His brow furrowed in confusion" my whole forehead gets rumply and wrinkled with my furrowed brow face 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[water-of-the-bong-deactivated20]

tiefling rogues derailing the session by stealing and being a general nuisance vs dragonborn bards derailing the session by being horny and seducing every npc

fight!!!

[stackthedeck]

The ideal dnd party balance is not caster, healer, fighter. It’s lawful good paladin and some kind of chaotic warlock that won’t shut up about their morally dubious patron

[jaydoesartthings]

Just DM things:

I either:

- have no plan for a campaign and complain about not having a plan but don’t plan

- do have a plan but I have to change everything and improvise because the rouge is a nosy bitch

[plasticonobandana]

rolling a saving throw in dnd is just a vibe check

[yourplayersaidwhat]

“Stay.”

— the cleric as she paralyzes a werewolf

[skeletonmath]

5e classes abridged

if you want to dungeon your dragons but don’t want to read 74 pages of classes, have this:

Barbarian - the beefiest boys who are prepared to go bonkers fucking yonkers          -someone who spends too much time on reddit          -kinnie furries who you can’t make fun of or they’ll pulverize you Bard - a jam that slaps so hard it gives you magic powers          -oh lore??? (nerd alert)          -reporting live from the danger zone, here’s wonderwall Cleric - Jehovah’s witness with benefits          -being so smart that you can read minds          -the one that actually heals          -a glowstick as a person but with fire          -vegan          -living taser          -tricky bastard          -Rowdy Dude Druid - shapeshifters from the woods who will accept anything happening around them          -could be magic shrek or spiderman if you want          -shiftier shapes Fighter - kick your ass with anything, proficient in rubber chicken          -my body is a precision instrument           -a guy who actually knows everything (about fighting)          -mediocre wizard, but jacked Monk - no armor, just these hands; will catch a bullet and throw it back          -live, laugh, love kicking ass and taking names, do not try me          -nico from pjo          -be the Avatar, bring balance to the elements Paladin - golden retriever as a tank          - extra good, very important that you know that          - that guy with an acoustic guitar who likes hiking but actually has charisma          -bat man Ranger - assassin’s creed but you live in the woods and also there’s magic and you can pet dogs          -folk story tour guide who needs OSHA badly          -steve irwin snapped Rogue - also assassin’s creed, but urban goth; crafty bastard          -oh yeah, I know/have/can do that, feel free to not ask why          -is it a crime if no one knows you did it? the magic of identity fraud!          -magic raccoon hands  Sorcerer - maybe the real power was inside you all along (because a special someone sold your soul to a demon, thanks grandpa nelson!)          -you’re part dragon          -welcome to the yeehaw zone, good luck (p104) Warlock - intern of the occult, hasn’t slept in days; under your seat magic Oprah reveals a familiar, a cool sword, or a magic book with magic words          -trust the fey, new levels of charming          -deal with the devil          -you don’t need to raid area 51, you live there Wizard - can you? yes. should you? who cares, it’s magic time, babey!          -forcefields and denial          -make shit, swerve hits, wizards gone wild          -that’s extremely raven          -the power of Britney singing work bitch at pride          -Avatar, but with Target exclusive bonus elements          -is this the real life? is this just fantasy?          -death, but only when you feel like it          -keep your dreams in your heart and fucking live them because you’re a god damn wizard and you can

[pwapboi-deactivated20200412]

centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.

[wallcrawler-exmachina]

Oh. This. I don’t like this.

[wickedwitchshaming]

#not enough distinct body parts#insects have three#arachnids on the other hand have two#therefore i propose that centaurs are actually spiders hiding a pair of legs somewhere this is worse jade how did you manage to make this worse

[necromatador]

But centaurs DO have 3 body parts.  Insects have head, thorax, and abdomen.  Centaurs have a head, a human “thorax”, and a horse “abdomen”.

Instead I propose that insects are arthropod centaurs.

[luminosombra-deactivated2025020]

“BEHOLD A CENTAUR” - Diogenes throwing a fucking ant on the ground

[pwapboi-deactivated20200412]

this is why we stopped inviting diogenes to these things