not a fun or quirky post related to the my bat!au at all
TW: Pet illness, cancer, loss
my dog Cooper just got diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma (cancer), one of those things that doesn't present until it's too late, and it's absolutely devastating. Before this diagnosis, I knew I probably only had 2 or three years left with him. Two or three years is an eternity compared to three to nine months. I know he's fighting so hard right now. He's always been so strong and resilient.
i hate the idea of loosing him but i hate the idea of him suffering even more. he is such a pure, good, soul and i am so blessed to have gotten to spend 11 years with him by my side. It is so hard for my brain to wrap around the idea of a near future where i can't feel his fur between my finger, the clicking of his nails on the hardwood floor, the sound of him drinking water or ringing the bells on the back door to ask to go outside. Playing hide and seek with him, him putting his head on my lap asking to come up on the couch, his high fives, the way he leans against my legs, how happy he gets when I scratch his ears. The squeak of his toys, the jingle of his collar and tags, sharing a midnight snack with him. Letting him up on the couch when my mom isn't looking. Looking out the window together, lying in the grass together, exploring new paths together.
Playing the piano for him.
he helped get me through high school, undergrad, COVID, grad school, PTSD, depression, BPD, anxiety, and countless bad days. I treasure every second we got to spend together. He saved my life. He is and always will be a part of my heart and soul, I have never loved anything or anyone the way I love Cooper. He is joy incarnate.
I find myself praying that maybe the tests were wrong, maybe he'll defy the odds, maybe he'll be ok. I feel like I go through the 5 stages of grief every hour.
I love him so much. He is my best friend and the light of my life. He's stubborn and bossy and persnickety and silly and sweet. He's perfect. He has touched the lives of every single person he's met.
He loves tearing the limbs off his toys and carry them around (the head of an octopus, the legs of frogs, the torso of a sloth....)
I swear to god we outran a storm cloud once it was awesome.
He loves to lie on my bed and take up all of the space.
We'd watch Great British Baking Show together.
He's a pro beggar! And he knows who's weakest! (me)
This past Thanksgiving I started making mac and cheese at 5am and of course Cooper was there at 5am on the dot for scraps of shredded cheese and the couple pieces of plain pasta stuck to the bottom of the pot.
He put up with me putting costumes on him every halloween. And he served serious looks.
i love him.
He'll always be our Super Cooper!
I don't know how much time we have left together but we're going to make every minute count!
