“I think I’m in love with you.”
“Cause you’re, like, the coolest person I’ve ever met, and you don’t even have to try, you know…”
“I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?”
“I’m just like losing my faith with humanity.”
“I just wonder if like, two people can ever stay together for good.”
“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass.”
“Wow, your shorts are like, especially gold today.”
“No, it’s Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?”
“It’s probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?”
“How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests?”
“I still have your underwear.”
“I still have your virginity.”
“I always think you’re cute. I think you’re beautiful.”
“I could sell you some of my Adderall if you want.”
“I never realize how much I like being home unless I’ve been somewhere really different for a while.”
“So what’s the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus?”
“That ain’t no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can’t be un-did, Homeskillet.”
“Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream…”
“…and the receptianist tried to get me to take these condoms that looked like grape suckers and was just babbling away about her freaking boyfriend’s pie balls!”
“Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby’s claws could scratch your vag on the way out?”
“You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.”
“You should’ve gone to China, you know, ‘cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.”
“You’s a dick! I love it!”
“So… Let’s talk about how we’re going to do this thing.”
“I named my guitar ‘Roosevelt’-not Ted, Franklin. You know, the hot one, with polio.”
“Yeah, I came as soon as I got that ultrasound goo off my pelvis.”
“This is the most magnificent discarded living room set I’ve ever seen.”
“Uhhh, I hate it when adults use the term ‘sexually active.’ What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?”
“Wow, someone’s been actually doing her geometry homework for once!”
“I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign so I remain unconvinced.”
“Wow, I actually feel like less of a fat dork now.”
“I’m not crying, I’m just allergic to fine home furnishing.”
“Yeah, I’m a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.”
“Hi, I’m calling to procure a hasty abortion…”
“You should try talking to it. 'Cause, like, supposedly they can hear you even though it’s all, like, ten-thousand leagues under the sea.”
“Why does everyone think yellow is gender neutral? I never knew a guy with a yellow room.”
“It started with a chair.”
“'93. I’m telling you that was the best time for rock and roll.”
“So, I’ve been spending a lot of time listening to that weird CD you made me.”
“Shut your freakin’ gob!”
“I could so go for like a huge cookie right now, with like, a lamb kabob simultaneously.”
“Yum, this pretzel tastes like a freaking DONUT!”
“Can I use the facilities? Because being pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit!”
“Would you like a free condom? They’re boysenberry.”
“I’m gonna stop wearing underwear. Raise my sperm count.”
“Oh and you know what? I bought another Sonic Youth album and it sucked… it’s just noise.”
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
gummygunk
janainaart
annaxmalina
discoholicmusic