Things found in the Hogwarts Staff Room of @shanastoryteller’s survival is a talent, as thought of by @kerov and me:
Countdown Until the Weasley Twins & Co Graduate (Begun at the end of their first month when it became obvious the Marauders had found their spiritual legacy)
Countdown Until Quinn Graduates (Separate from the Weasley Twins despite being the same number because zir antics require it, begun mentally by Snape but has since become one of the most updated by the entire staff)
Countdown Until Potter & Co Graduate (Begun after the troll in first year because it was the first sign of the chaos to come, now updated religiously by at least half the staff each day, with everyone who can attend the update arriving)
Countdown Until Malfoy Graduates (Begun in 4th year due to Draco’s crazy becoming more obvious to more than just Flitwick, Lupin, and Snape (who had already had mental countdowns) and worrying the professors that he’s going to put himself in an exhaustion-induced coma with how much he’s trying to do, and it’s only getting worse)
Countdown Until Ginny Weasley & Co Graduate (Only added in their second year (Harry’s third) when it slowly became obvious which of the youngest two Weasley children was more like the Twins)
It Has Been __ Days Since a Weasley Twin Prank (The highest number it ever reached was 5, and that was due to them being so busy between detentions and, more importantly, Quidditch practice in their 5th year (Harry’s 3rd) to win the Cup that year that they were too exhausted to plan any pranks – the professors celebrated that number for a week straight)
It Has Been __ Days Since Quinn Blew Something Up (Begun by Snape well before it was put in the Staff Room due to zir love of blowing up cauldrons)
It Has Been __ Days Since Quinn Fucked Something Up (Yes, it needed its own countdown, the staff realized; there was a major difference between the two)
It Has Been __ Days Since Malfoy Did Something that Should Have Been Impossible Even With Magic (Begun during 4th year when he continually did what should have been impossible throughout the year, to the point they were resigned to it rather than shocked)
It Has Been __ Days Since Potter & Co’s Last Nonsense (Begun by McGonagall after she caught them out of bed due to Norberta in first year, since it reminded her of the Marauders, and the others joined in as they caught on that they had already done way too much nonsense for simple first years and it wasn’t a good sign)
It Has Been __ Days Since Potter Ended Up in the Hospital Wing (Madam Pomfrey began this countdown during his second year, and others were quick to follow it; the only reason Draco doesn’t have his own is because he has yet to end up in the hospital wing, but there are most certainly bets going on about when he will end up in there and gain his own count in the Staff Room)
It Has Been __ Days Since Finnegan Blew Something Up (Begun within a month of him entering Hogwarts as he quickly became notorious for his love of fires and explosions)
It Has Been __ Days Since a Quidditch-Related Fight (This has been around for as long as Quidditch has been at Hogwarts, and its numbers are always smallest before a match, especially the Gryffindor-Slytherin one, and highest during the off-season, but even during the off-season it gets reset occasionally)
It Has Been __ Days Since a Couple was Found in a Broom Cupboard by Staff (Begun before any current professors could name, it was a simple way for professors to tell the rest of the staff that yet another couple was stupid enough to be caught in a broom cupboard, rather than having to actually mention it to one another)
It Has Been __ Days Since Gryffindor Caused School-Wide Rumors (Notorious for having one of the smallest numbers, most years, though apparently in 1768 they went an entire school year without it being reset; there’s a plaque for that year)
It Has Been __ Days Since Slytherin Caused School-Wide Rumors (Often competing with Gryffindor for most often reset, especially since Voldemort began to rise in the 70s, though even before then resets were common)
It Has Been __ Days Since Hufflepuff Caused School-Wide Rumors (More often reset than some may guess, but they also hold the title for some of the most insane rumors that float around that were actually proven true, like the time they made a tunnel out of Hogwarts and ran the smuggling ring of the castle for over a decade back in the 1850s-60s)
It Has Been __ Days Since Ravenclaw Caused School-Wide Rumors (Least commonly reset, but almost every single reset occurred due to experimentation with magic that caused either an amazing result or destruction)
It Has Been __ Days Since a School-Wide Disaster (While recently this most often coincides with either Harry & Co’s Last Nonsense or a Weasley Twin Prank (or the Marauders before them), it has historically been reset due to events such as the Chamber of Secrets being opened, an epidemic of a disease, Peeves causing a huge mess (with student assistance), the house elves going on strike and not cooking for over a day straight, creatures from the Forbidden Forest trying to invade the castle, the giant squid finding its way into the Black Lake, etc.)
It Has Been __ Days Since the Last Unexplained Phenomenon (The origin date of this count is unknown and likely goes back to near the time of the Founders; it is just constantly kept in the Staff Room and updated when necessary)
It Has Been __ Days Since the Defense Professor was Hired (Begun when the curse on the position was noticed, it became a source of amusement for many professors to see which Defense professor survived the curse the longest before a new professor took over; this is one count that is usually charmed to be hidden from said professor, of course)
__ Days Until Potter’s Annual June Bullshit (Begun after second year when they realized this was going to be an annual event and there wasn’t enough alcohol in the castle for them to be dealing with this)
List of the Most Insane Pranks Pulled by the Weasley Twins
List of the Worst Fuck Ups Quinn Managed
List of the Insane Situations Potter & Co Found Themselves In
List of Impossible Magic Malfoy Pulled Off
List of What Sent Potter to the Hospital Wing Again
List of Unique Quidditch Injuries (Harry’s broken arm to no bones at all made this list)
List of Insane Quidditch Stunts (Harry’s first match definitely made this list)
List of Unique Hospital Wing Visits (Hermione’s Polyjuice Potion incident is on it)
List of the Worst Student Fuck Ups (In the Classroom and Out of It)
List of the Most Unique Places Couples Were Found Together
List of School-Wide Disasters
List of the Most Insane Reasons for Gryffindor School-Wide Rumors
List of the Most Insane Reasons for Slytherin School-Wide Rumors
List of the Most Insane Reasons for Hufflepuff School-Wide Rumors
List of the Most Insane Reasons for Ravenclaw School-Wide Rumors
Lists From the Past (Stored in a cabinet of the Staff Room for anyone curious to look at):
Countdown Until the Class of 1978 Graduates (Begun early in their first year due to the Marauders but then gaining even more followers of it as more and more of the year caused problems such as Snape and Evans and their friends; that class couldn’t graduate soon enough for the professors’ sanities)
It Has Been __ Days since James Potter Asked Lily Evans Out (Because really, it got to be a way too common thing and the staff were curious to see how high it could go before they reset it; that number was actually 64 in their 6th year near the end when he began to finally calm down and mature)
It Has Been __ Days since James Potter was in Detention (This number remained ridiculously low until his 6th year, with the record being 14 days and that only due to Quidditch)
It Has Been __ Days since Sirius Black was in Detention (His and James’ lists were usually reset at the same time, to absolutely no one’s surprise)
It Has Been __ Days since Remus Lupin was in Detention (Of the Marauders, his count reached the highest numbers, but even his was reset at least every other month for most of their time at Hogwarts)
It Has Been __ Days since Peter Pettigrew was in Detention (Somewhere between James/Sirius and Remus, Peter’s record was just shy of a month at 27 days before their 6th year)
It Has Been __ Days since Severus Snape was in Detention (A large majority of his detentions were caused by fights with the Marauders, but some were due to experimenting with potions with Lily and blowing something up)
It Has Been __ Days since Severus Snape and/or Lily Evans Blew Up a Cauldron (They were the Quinn of their era, constantly experimenting with potions and blowing something up, hence his exasperation with Quinn and why the professors that had taught him were subtly and not-so-subtly laughing their asses off at how ze was what he deserved, until they realized ze got progressively worse each year and it started affecting them too)
It Has Been __ Days Since a Fight Between Slytherins and Gryffindors (Influenced by the fighting due to the war occurring outside of Hogwarts between Voldemort and Death Eaters and those who opposed them, this was much more common in the 70s than it is in the 90s, so it was retired after Voldemort’s “defeat” in 1981)
It Has Been __ Days Since There was a Magical Creature Running Loose in the Castle (Begun during Newt Scamander’s time as a student, it was retired after he was expelled, believed to be unnecessary, only for Hagrid to become a student and require its resurrection; the staff didn’t realize it until after he was expelled and could then have his creatures near him on the grounds by his hut, finally revealing the source)
