I need some good smut fics for all the ateez members! I want to improve my smut writing skills and I thought it would be best to read some (only for scientific research of course 🤭)
Tbh I’m frustrated with the amount of ateez master lists I’ve opened, with all members having pre-written fics and aus except for jongho. Like at this point it’s obvious what yall are trying to say and I’m honestly sick of it because not only is he incredibly talented, there is so much to write about in regards to any romantic fics and yall just do not care to spend time writing him
Tbh I’m frustrated with the amount of ateez master lists I’ve opened, with all members having pre-written fics and aus except for jongho. Like at this point it’s obvious what yall are trying to say and I’m honestly sick of it because not only is he incredibly talented, there is so much to write about in regards to any romantic fics and yall just do not care to spend time writing him
“I just don’t feel as connected to jongho in terms of writing” well that’s a coincidence. but ok
You link your arm with his. Bare skin resting against the expensive wool suit jacket. You can feel Sylus’ urge to unlink and wrap his arm around your waist instead, a possessive claim on you as he slowly – boredly – looks the man before him over from head to toe. “Seems you’ve befriended a dog, kitten.”
Valko, whose expression had been so carefully neutral until this moment, couldn't help but bear his canines. You can’t help but pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing softly as you squeeze Sylus’ arm just a tad tighter.
“I told you to be nice, Sy. He’s a good friend.” Ironically, the word friend seems to agitate the wolf more than being called a dog. “It’s a pleasure to meet the infamous leader of Onychinus.” Valko starts, adjusting his collar and trying to work through his own inner turmoil.
“Likewise, it’s a pleasure to meet the dog my wife has talked so highly of… whose thoughts of her are so very loud…” A cool wave of tension etches its way through every part of your body. Your gaze immediately slid up towards the crimson glow of Sylus’ eye. “Sylus.”
“S’alright, little lamb. He’s not wrong.” Now, your head is whipping towards Valko. An incredulous look crosses your face as you wonder what the hell the man could be thinking admitting this to your husband. “Can’t help myself when I’m around you, though I have enough sense to not act on a married woman.”
Your feet are glued to the floor, the air in your lungs seems to freeze a full mass. This information has your world tilting on its axis, yet neither man seems bothered by these confessions. “She is quite desirable, so I really can’t fault you for your feelings, dog.” Sylus does unhook his arm from you this time, slowly slithering it around your waist and tugging you closer to his side.
“She’s truly something. You’re one lucky bastard for getting to her first.”
“You like having your good friend watch you get fucked, hmm?”
The air around you is thick with the scent of sex, a mix of sweat and your perfume mingling with Sylus’ cologne. Your clothing long since shed and lying in shambles across the bedroom. Your head is nearly dangling off the side of the mattress, the world upside down but not obstructing your clear view of Valko.
“Tell the dog how good my cock feels, yeah? I’m sure he’d love to know.” Valko shifts, the only one still fully dressed. The bulge in the front of his slacks is visible even from where you lay. “Sy, fuck… you’re making me fe-feel s’good…!”
Your nails dig into Sylus’ wrist, his hand has been keeping a loose grip around your neck this entire time. “Missonary is her favorite…” He drives his point home by bottoming out hard, earning a shrill cry from your mouth. “Our favorite… you converted me.” You rasp out, breathless as Sylus finds his rhythm again.
“You two are… quite the sight to behold.” Valko finally manages to say something, having been too stunned for a majority of this endeavor.
“Yeah? You wish you were inside her right now, don’t you, dog?” Sylus adjusts himself, knees digging further into the mattress as he releases your neck momentarily to readjust your legs. Both of which are tossed over his shoulders, yanking you upwards slightly and leaving your bare body on display for the wolf to see.
You look back at him, grinning lazily as Sylus continues to pound you. “C’mon, Val. Answer honestly, please? Sy won’t be mad… right, Sy?”
You can see the visible conflict passing across Valko’s face, shifting nervously in the chair before tugging at his collar. “I won’t bite, dog.” You don’t scold him verbally, instead your cunt clamps down around him. Earning a hiss of pleasure as he nearly doubles over on top of you. “Dirty move, kitten.”
“I learned from the best.”
“Y-yeah, I wish I was in your position, Sylus.” Valko’s gruff and sudden response seemed to startle the both of you. Heads whipping towards the towering man as he got up from the chair he had seemingly been cemented too since entering the room.
“I’ve fucking dreamt about being in your position, Sylus. Is that what you want to hear? You want to know how badly I’ve dreamt of fucking the life out of your pretty wife? How I've gotten myself off thinking about her pretty noises?” You feel Sylus start to throb inside of you, the crimson of his aether-core intensifying with every word the wolf utters. You’re no better off, slightly embarrassed by the way of heat surging lower.
“But I'm sure that core in your eye is reading all my desires loud and clear, no?” Valko is now at the side of the bed, towering above you, his bulge nearly hanging over your face. “Did you two invite me up here to watch, or partake?”
Oh, he’s reached his limit… Your head pivots for Sylus, whose cheeks are flushed rosy pink and lips are curled into a devilish smirk.
The face of a man who won the battle the other man may not have realized he was even fighting. “Well, kitten. What do you say? Should Valko join?” Valko, he actually said his name. Sylus takes his hand off your neck, letting you push up on your elbows to properly crane your head back to look at the wolf.
You already know your answer, and you have a feeling the other two men do too. Especially with the way Sylus is pressing into your cervix, twitching in anticipation for your response. "Strip, Valko. I wanna suck you off while Sy fucks me."
Took on @wetforsylus's post style for this one... sorry it got Valko in it tho girl lolll - hope everyone else enjoys tho... I'm still trying to figure out their dynamic and such so bear with meeeeeee - Soul
the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.
Scenarios: First time they realize they love you + drabbles
Part One: Hongjoong/Yunho/Mingi
Part Two: Seonghwa/Wooyoung
Pairings: Kang Yeosang x Gn!Reader; Choi San x Gn!Reader (<est. relationship); Choi Jongho x Gn!Reader
A/n: I got a bit stuck on these, so they might not be as good as the others, but I hope you still like them!
Warnings: Kiss in Sans; mentions of drunk man/drinking in Jonghos.
Words: Yeosang 924; San 792; Jongho 965; Total: ~2.7k
Yeosang:
When you comforted him...
Yeosang wasn't feeling himself recently.
Whether he was sick, sore, over-worked, it didn't matter, he just wanted to relax.
The others saw it and assumed he wanted to be alone, so they left him to go be menaces somewhere else.
But that wasn't really what Yeosang wanted. He didn't want to be alone, he just wanted to be comforted.
Though he had to admit, he wasn't sure how.
He didn't want to talk, or joke, or go out, but he wasn't sure how to vocalize it.
But somehow, you knew exactly what he needed, and wanted, even when he didn't.
He watched you as you entered the room, and sat nearby, not right next to him, but close.
"Weren't you going with the others?"
You looked at him with a light smile, "Nah, don't feel up to it."
He nodded in understanding but watched you for a moment as you relaxed.
You started listening to music, loud enough in your ears that he could hear it.
Glancing at you he noticed you didn't have your earbuds in your ears, but around your neck.
It was some of his favorite music, that you two shared an interest in. Music he told you he liked to listen to when he was stressed. Music he had been listening to all day.
Turning off his own playlist on his phone, he let himself listen to it from you.
"I'm ordering food do you want some?"
Yeosang blinked a few times before he felt his heart flutter. He nodded softly, "Sure."
You smiled and got up, walking over to him and sitting beside him, You leaned against his shoulder and he felt his heart flutter again.
You showed him the menu's as you scrolled. "What do you feel like?"
He glanced at the phone, realizing you were ordered from one of his favorite spots.
Looking back at your profile, he found himself admiring you closely. You were doing this all on purpose, weren't you?
You hummed softly as you scrolled on your phone, unaware of Yeosang's fond gaze.
"Maybe this?" You mumbled, as Yeosang nodded without paying attention.
Yeosang knew he had a crush on you, he had for a long time, but he never paid attention, assuming it was just a small thing, not serious. Maybe it was because you were so nice, and a comforting person to be around. You got his sense of humor, shared a lot of likes and dislikes.
Sure he liked being around you, hanging out with you, sharing his food with you, making excuses to be around you and go on dates hang-outs. But it was just a small crush, or so he convinced himself.
But as he found his heart fluttering and chest tightening at your close proximity, and the silent way you were comforting him, he started to realize. It wasn't just a small crush, it was much, much bigger than he had allowed himself to realize.
When Yeosang didn't respond to your question you looked over at him, your heart jolting at the intense gaze he had as he looked at you. When your eyes met his, he was brought out of his thoughts as his eyebrows shot up.
"Huh?" He muttered out, finally realizing you had asked him something.
You let out a soft chuckle, trying to ignore how your neck grew hot and your heart pounded.
"I asked what else you wanted." You mumbled, feeling shy under his gaze.
"Oh." He cleared his throat as he looked at your phone, shutting out his thoughts for a moment as he helped you pick what else to order.
He continued to get lost while gazing at you as you sat and waited for your food. And you noticed, how could you not?
Finally he spoke up a bit more, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Staying with me." He was feeling a bit shy now as he shuffled around in his seat.
You smiled softly at him and he felt his breath catch. "I wasn't sure if it was what you really wanted, I was afraid I might annoy you."
He was quick to shake his head, "You don't. You never do. I like- I like being around you."
You smiled at his words, your chest fluttering, "Good, I like being around you too."
"I like you."
His words came out before he meant them too, and you saw the shock on his face at his own words. As he brought his hand to his mouth.
You let out a startled yet flattered chuckle, your heart beating heavier than before. "What?"
He cleared his throat as he sat up a bit more, "I didn't mean to say that out loud."
You bit the inside of your lip, "Does that mean you don't mean it?"
He looked at you quickly with a raised brow as he shook his head, "No I mean it! I- uh." He was obviously flustered and you felt bad for him.
Leaning over you pressed a quick kiss to his cheek causing him to freeze in his nervous shuffling. "I like you to Yeosang."
He met your gaze and you saw his ears getting brighter by the second before he let out a nervous chuckle. Suddenly, taking you by surprise just as you did to him, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to your face, just at the edge of your lips.
Your eyes widened in turn and he smiled, making you giggle a moment later. You smiled fondly at each other as your feelings, though a bit clumsy, were made known.
xx
San:
When you surprised him at a concert...
No matter how many times San told you, you could watch the shows from back stage, you always refused.
"I want to see you perform the way other's do."
So every show, he found himself searching for you in the crowd, it was one of his favorite games.
On this particular concert, you weren't there.
Or at least you weren't supposed to be.
They were on tour in another country, and he hadn't seen you in weeks.
Even though he was far away, he still found himself looking for you in the crowds, and always felt a soft ache in his heart when he knew he would not find you.
But this time, when his eyes caught on a familiar face and he did a double take.
You were near the front row, a large sign in your hands as you cheered for them.
You were singing along to the song and when your eyes met San's you grinned, winking at him before continuing to cheer.
San felt his heart burst, as a grin spread across his face.
As he was singing his part, his eyes kept finding their way to you, as he almost teared up at the sight of you singing along with him.
To him, there as no one else in the crowds, just you.
For the rest of the concert all he wanted was to run to you, to embrace you and hold you.
Every time his eyes caught sight of you his heart beat a little faster, and he felt more and more overjoyed.
During a slower song when his eyes caught yours once more, you were smiling brightly as you sang along with him and it clicked.
He was in love with you.
He knew he had been falling for you from the moment you met, but now he knew he was completely, and fully in love.
And he couldn't wait to tell you.
When the concert ended he quickly took off his mic, wiped himself down (not wanting to be completely sweaty when he saw you), and waiting impatiently in the bands room.
You were well known by the staff, and always made your way back to the waiting rooms after a concert so San never had to come find you.
The others had seen you in the crowd as well, and knew how excited San was to see you after so long. Leaving him along in the room, they wanted the two of you to have your moment.
He paced impatiently around the room, before hearing the door creak open. His eyes shot towards the door, his heart bursting and painfully large grin spreading across his face when you poke your head into the room.
Stepping all the way in, you barely got the door shut behind you before San was wrapping his arms around you and lifting you into the air.
You let out a surprised laugh as he spun around, before setting you down. His lips were quickly smashed into yours as he kissed you desperately, pouring his emotion at seeing you into the kiss.
You wrapped your arms around his neck as you returned the kiss, just as overjoyed to see him again, and glad your surprise paid off.
When he finally pulled away, though reluctantly, he pressed his forehead against yours as you grinned at each other.
"Hi." You said with a soft laugh and he chuckled.
"Hi." He cupped your face and pressed another kiss to your lips.
"I can't believe you're here."
"I wanted to surprise you. And I couldn't wait another two weeks before seeing you again."
San let out a emotional sigh as he pulled you into is arms, swaying you gently as he hugged you.
"Y/n" He said softly and you met his gaze with a soft hum.
He gently caressed your cheek as he stared longingly into your eyes. "I realized something when I saw you in the crowd."
"What is it?"
"I'm in love with you. I love you so much it hurts." He pressed his hand to his heart when he spoke, his eyes tearing up at his own emotion.
You felt your breath catch as his eyes and words poured out all the love he felt for you. And all the love you felt for him as well, was mirrored in your own eyes as you grinned at him.
Your eyes brimmed with tears as well as you pressed a soft kiss to his lips, and spoke softly in reply. "I'm in love with you too San. So much more every day."
He grinned as he pulled you into another long and meaningful kiss, arms wrapped around each other as you held on tight, knowing you were never going to let go.
xx
Jongho:
When you laughed (and ran away) with him...
You didn't mean to laugh, you shouldn't, but it was perfect.
There was a drunk man causing trouble nearby, and you and Jongho had already shared many looks.
But when the man, after attempting to berate another passerby, tripped, stumbled for an extraordinary amount of time before falling into a bush, you could not hold back.
You and Jongho gasped before trying to repress your laughs. But the second you made eye contact with each other, you were both gone.
You gripped his sleeve in an attempt to control yourself as you turned away from the man to laugh.
You felt bad, but at the same time how could you not laugh?
Jongho however, was not hiding his cackle in the slightest.
Tears were brimming your eyes when you caught Jongho's eyes, you had your hand covering your mouth as you repressed your giggles.
Jongho felt his chest clench as he couldn't look away from you.
He wasn't sure if he was ever seen you laugh this hard, and he loved it.
Something in him shifted in that moment and he wished he could bottle up your laughter and keep it with him forever.
He was grinning as he was staring at you, his laugh having died down due to his focus on you.
You finally let out a few last breathy sighs before wiping your eyes. His gaze was still on you and you felt shyness beginning to take over.
As you found yourself staring back at him, you started to realize that the nearby shouting of the drunk man was now directed at you as his voice grew closer.
You and Jongho both looked over to see the angry man pointing at the two of you as he crossed the road.
"Are you laughing at me?!" He yelled in a drunken anger.
Jongho and you locked eyes in a panic before Jongho suddenly grabbed your hand, "Run."
Adrenaline spiked through you as you and Jongho bolted down the road and around the corner to the nearest park. It was not hard to get away from the angry drunk man, but your heart was racing either way.
Maybe it was because of Jongho's hand wrapped around yours.
When you slowed into a walk you looked back from where you came before laughing again. Jongho chuckled along with you as he shook his head. "Ah, I wasn't expected him to start running at us."
You shook your head with a final laugh, "Me either."
You and Jongho continued to stroll down the path, and you were aware that he had not let go of your hand, and you wondered if he hadn't realized it.
As Jongho glanced over at you, he saw you looking down at your intertwined hands and smiled to himself. He was aware he was still holding your hand, and he had no intention of letting go.
Glancing up, your eyes met his and he smiled gently at you before squeezing your hand softly and continuing to pull you alongside him.
"Where should we go now?"
Your heart started to flutter as you realized he was doing it on purpose. Jongho, the one who often ran from skin-ship and touch, was purposefully holding your hand. You weren't sure what to think as your ears burned hot and butterflies filled your stomach.
Deciding you needed to know what he was thinking you tugged his hand a bit, making him look at you.
"Why are you still holding my hand?" You asked softly, shyly.
Jongho repressed a grin as he looked down at your hands and shrugged. "Because I want to?"
"But...why?"
He stopped and turned towards you smiling a little bigger and leaning forward to lock his eyes with yours. "Because I want to."
Before you could respond with a frustrated 'why?' once again Jongho grinned and tugged you towards him as he let go of your hand and wrapped his arms around you.
You let out a startled gasp as you froze in his arms, your heart pounding so heavily you were sure he could feel it too.
He spoke softly, "Is this better?"
"Wh-" You wanted to speak but you were so bewildered you were unsure of what to say or do.
Jongho could sense this, and deciding to put you out of your misery let out a soft sigh. "I like you, a lot. Much more than I realized before. So I want to hold your hand. And I want to hug you." He paused for a moment, his own heart beat betraying his nerves. "Is that okay?"
You thought for a moment on his words as you took in a shaky breath and nodded softly. "Yes, it's okay."
Jongho grinned as he slowly let you go and took a step back before smiling softly at you.
He couldn't resist poking your face as he chuckled, "You're cute when you are flustered."
Gently smacking his arm he laughed before grabbing your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours once again.
Pulling you along to walk beside him again, he couldn't get rid of the smile on his face, "Come on. Let's go on a date."
"A date?" You asked with a startled tone and Jongho looked back at you with soft wide eyes.
"What you don't want to?"
You closed your mouth before opening it again, your tone soft and shy. "No, I mean, yes, I do."
He grinned at you again and squeezed your hand, "Good, then let's go."
You watched his profile for a moment as you walked beside him, he had a soft smile on his face still as you slowly smiled alongside him. The sudden turn of events seemed to change the course of your life, and you were more than happy about it.
xx
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✦ summary: the one where you get dumped and your best friend is there to help you realize what you truly deserve… what’s been in front of you all along.
✦ warnings/tags: MDNI! 18+, explicit, smut, slight angst, some fluff, oral sex (f receiving), oral sex (m receiving), fingering, throat fucking, big dick yh, unprotected sex (be safe!), yh is desperately in love, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, mentions of cheating (past relationships), yh and reader met as baristas, pet names, au where jeong yunho can actually cook, yunho is a lil possessive
✦ pairing: nonidol!yunho x reader
✦ author’s note: as a yunho ult, a yh best friends to lovers has been at the top of my list of things to write. i started this fic after yun posted these photos because i just could not get the vision of late night walks with him out of my head! i am new to writing so any feedback is appreciated. i hope you enjoy ♡ as always, thank you to my lovely best friends for enabling me and proofreading my depravity. love you guys forever. ♡
✦ word count: 12.9k
✦ read it on ao3: here
Two years. Two years down the drain because your ex decided he “wasn’t feeling it anymore.” You had a sneaking suspicion his change of heart had to do with his hot new coworker, but you couldn’t think too far into it or it would rip you apart more than he already had.
He had grown distant, and you chalked it up to the stress of his new job. But when he started staying late every other day and missing your sacred Thursday date nights, you knew it was the beginning of the end. You were happy together (most of the time), but you were never certain you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with him. There were certain things about him that you tolerated, but you wanted your forever to be spent with someone who felt perfect for you. And he… didn’t.
Even though you knew he wasn’t who you’d spend your life with, it stung just the same to receive his messages.
loser: hey y/n… i’ve been thinking about this for a while now but i think it’s time for us to part ways.
loser: we’ve had a good run, but i’m just not really feeling it anymore. i hope you understand.
loser: wish you the best. xx
You’d changed his contact and blocked his number immediately, saving yourself from the hurtful words he’d throw your way if you tried to ask for any reasoning or clarification. He always turned into a different person the moment you tried to express your emotions.
“She’s just a coworker, y/n, stop being crazy. You don’t have to worry about her.”
You push his words out of your brain again before they take over. So what if he left you for her? They probably deserve each other. You knew you were better off, that wasn’t the issue. It was that you settled for two years, letting this man who clearly didn’t respect you treat you like an afterthought the entire time. The more you think about it, the more you blame yourself for placing such little value on your own time and energy.
You sit on your couch, your coffee table littered with tear-soaked tissues and instant ramen cups. You haven’t left the house since you got The Texts last night, and you've watched a season of your favorite crime show and eaten your body weight in Buldak since then. You know you can’t sit here and wallow anymore or you’ll start to lose your mind, so you drag yourself to the bathroom to assess the damage. Eyes red and puffy from crying, hair tangled and tied loosely in a scrunchie, tear drops lingering on the same sweatshirt you’d been wearing for the last 24 hours. You look like hell.
“I need to get out of this apartment,” you say to yourself. You pull out your phone and send a quick text to your best friend before hopping in the shower. After washing your hair 3 times, shaving your legs, and exfoliating the sadness away, you’re finally starting to feel human again. You wrap yourself in your favorite towel before checking your phone again.
y/n: yunnie… are you free tonight?
yunho: for you? absolutely. you ok? haven’t heard from you all day.
Of course he’d notice you going MIA for a day. You and your best friend texted every single day, sending quick little updates or funny videos. He’d probably been worried sick, but he never wants to pry. He’s always respected your space like that.
y/n: long story. i’ll explain later.
y/n: meet me in front of blossom in 30?
Blossom was the cafe you and Yunho met working at. You were both burning the candle at both ends working nearly full time as baristas during your senior year of college. Your closing shifts together kept you sane during finals, blasting music and sharing your life stories while you cleaned up the shop. He’d even walk you home, after every closing shift, never wanting to let you walk alone so late. You both gave your two weeks notice right after graduation, but promised each other you’d make up for all the time you wouldn’t spend working together anymore.
That was four years ago, and he’d been such a stable presence in your life since then. You’d grown closer over the years, spending countless movie nights and BBQ dates together. He knew everything about you (after a movie night with too much wine and lots of oversharing) and hadn’t gone running for the hills, so you knew he really cared. You didn’t really have time to make friends in college because you were either working, in class, or studying, so he was really all you had. He was your safe space. You both stayed close by after graduation, staying in your apartments in the city 2 blocks from the cafe on either side. It was nice having your best friend so close by, and the cafe remained a staple in your friendship as a middle point between your two homes. In your reminiscing, you realize you missed your Saturday morning coffee date with him.
yunho: of course, bean. i missed you this morning.
Your heart fluttered in your chest at the nickname. It always does. That, and when he calls you sweetheart. Your heart almost came up your throat the first time he pulled that one. Yunho started calling you bean after you spilled an entire bag of light roast on the cafe floor trying to refill the hopper for the openers. He’ll never let you live that one down. You remembered giggling and scooping coffee beans off the floor on your hands and knees together, his hand brushing over yours when you both reached for the dustpan, your eyes meeting, breath quickening…
You shake the memory from your brain, coming back to reality just as you both had snapped out of it in the moment four years ago, scattering to finish cleaning up and avoiding eye contact the rest of the night. You always dismissed the electricity you felt when his skin touched yours, blaming the exhaustion from working a closing shift after being up all night studying. He had a girlfriend at the time, he wouldn’t have been interested in you that way anyway. He’s your friend, y/n, be realistic. You’re reaching. You send another quick text before getting dressed, and he of course responds right away.
y/n: i missed you too, i’m sorry i should’ve texted. it’s been a shitty 24 hours. i’ll see you soon
yunho: no need to apologize. i’ll be there, see you in a bit.
25 minutes pass and you somehow manage to make yourself look somewhat presentable. You dried your hair and pulled half of it up in a claw clip, leaving some pieces out to frame your face. You threw on some concealer and a bit of blush, trying to hide how puffy your eyes still were. It was a chilly fall night, so you opted for your favorite pair of light wash jeans and an oversized black sweater, accompanied by your beat up black chelsea boots and your gray wool coat.
After a quick 5 minute walk you round the corner to see Yunho standing in front of the cafe, his back facing you. Of course he’s right on time. His broad shoulders fill out the black jacket he’s wearing, his crossbody bag tucked under his arm. The neon sign in the cafe window leaves a purple hue reflecting off his freshly dyed dark gray hair. He turns his head at a car passing by, and you catch yourself smiling at the lost puppy look in his eyes. He must’ve seen you approaching in his peripheral, his head snapping in your direction. A subtle smile plays on his lips as he locks eyes with you. His warm brown eyes are full of an emotion you can’t quite name.
Your chest aches at the realization that your ex, in the two years you were together, never looked at you like that. Why did you ever think you were important to him? Your throat suddenly tightens and your vision starts to blur, tears welling in your eyes for the millionth time today. Yunho’s smile drops, his brow furrowing as he takes two long strides to meet you.
“Y/n, what is it, what happened?” He reaches for your shoulders to hold you steady, but you push forward to bury your face in his chest. He wraps his arms around you without hesitation, one hand cradling the back of your head while the other snakes around your shoulders. Your hands find his waist, gripping his shirt underneath his jacket. His familiar scent of jasmine envelops you, and you realize how badly you needed your best friend to help you through this.
”H-He dumped me,” you sniffle, letting out a shaky breath into Yunho’s chest, “he d-dumped me yesterday, through a fucking t-text message,” another unsteady exhale as you try to level your breathing.
“He did what?!” He pulls you in closer to him, the disbelief lacing his tone reassuring how rational your feelings are.
“It’s over,” you blink away your tears, tilting your head back to look up at your best friend. You’ve never seen the expression on his face before, like anger and worry are battling it out in his brain, and he can’t decide which one should take center stage first. “He texted me last night, saying he ‘wasn’t feeling it anymore’ and he ‘wished me the best,’” your mocking tone repeating his words reignited the angry flame in your chest.
“Wished you the best,” he scoffs, “is he kidding?” He rolls his eyes. “That’s how you end a two-year-long relationship?” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, taking a half step back to give you some more space to catch your breath.
“I can’t believe I wasted two years of my life with someone who just kicked me to the curb without a second thought,” you pinch the fabric of his shirt between your fingers, your eyes lingering on his collarbone peeking out from his slightly unbuttoned shirt. “I’m convinced he left me for a coworker, the one he told me not to worry about.” A humorless laugh leaves your lips, the burning feeling behind your eyes returning as more tears come. “I’m more upset with myself for letting him treat me like this for so long,”
“Hey, look at me,” Yunho cautiously brings his hands to your face, cradling your head gently. You lean into his touch, dragging your gaze up to meet his.
“He doesn’t know what he just threw away, sweetheart,” Yunho holds your teary cheeks in his hands. “You are the most beautiful creature this world has ever seen, and if he doesn’t see that, he doesn’t deserve you.”
“You think I’m beautiful?” You choke out between sniffles.
“Oh y/n… of course I do. I always have,” he wipes a tear from your cheek before it reaches your lips, “since the day I met you.”
Your breath catches in your throat at his admission, your chin wobbling as you try to hold it together.
His eyes search yours, that unspoken emotion taking over his features again. You almost catch the moment he shakes it away, reminding himself that he’s here to support you. His hands fall from your cheeks to grab your hands instead, that familiar electricity prickling your skin as he rubs his thumbs over your knuckles.
“Do you wanna go inside? I called ahead and ordered you a maple latte and a raspberry scone as soon as I got your text.” He tilts his head in the direction of the cafe next to you.
You look inside to see two to-go cups and a brown paper bag sitting on the counter. “And an iced caramel latte for you, I’m assuming,” you poke his stomach teasingly, “thank you, Yun, you didn’t have to do that.”
“Of course I did,” he gently squeezes your hands, a warm smile taking over his features. “Come on, it seems like we have a lot to catch up on. I have a feeling you have a lot to get off your chest.” He lets go of one hand, keeping hold of the other to walk you to the door. You lace your fingers through his, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
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You’d spent the last hour sitting in your favorite booth with Yunho, hashing through every single thing you hated about your ex. He was appalled by the things you’d told him, wishing he knew sooner so he could’ve tried to help you see you deserve someone better. Someone who valued your emotions, understood your needs, respected your boundaries… Someone like —
“Yunho, are you with me?” Your voice shakes him out of his daze, bringing him back to the conversation.
“Sorry bean, I just can’t believe he was such an asshole behind closed doors,” he recovers, “I wish you told me sooner. I feel like I wasn’t there for you when I should’ve been.”
”It’s not your fault, I could’ve told you and I didn’t. I think I was in denial,” you scoff. ”I was settling and I knew it, I was just trying to pretend things were better, but I think I’d been checked out for a while.” You swirl your coffee around in your cup, avoiding the concerned look in his eye. If you looked at him too long, you’d risk reading something deeper in the way he cares about you, something that made your heart flutter and ache all at once.
”Y/n, do you remember the girl I was dating when we met?” His tone shifts, a slight vulnerability creeping in. You stop moving your cup, watching the drink settle. You nod hesitantly, still avoiding his eyes.
Of course you remember her. You had developed a crush on Yunho in your first week working together, but you had to smother it at the first mention of her. Any hope you had left for a chance with him disintegrated the first time you saw her — she was the kind of beautiful you only saw on TV. Flawless skin, no split ends, a perfectly sculpted body. Even her voice was smooth. She seemed perfect for him.
“She cheated on me.”
Your head snaps up to him in disbelief. “Excuse me?”
You remember him telling you they broke up in passing — it had been a month after you started a relationship of your own. Part of you always wondered if you had just missed your window to pursue something with Yunho, but you pushed that thought out of your head so you could be present for your best friend. He didn’t want to go into detail about the breakup at the time, and he never did in the two years that followed.
“For the last six months of our relationship, she’d been sleeping with someone she reconnected with from high school. They realized they loved each other, and she ended things.” He offers a sad smile, but the bitterness lingers beneath the surface. You feel a tightness in your chest wondering why he didn’t want to share his pain with you while all of this was going on.
”Oh, Yunnie,” you reach for his hand across the table, holding his large palm in yours. “I’m so sorry. I don’t understand how anyone could ever do that to you. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Maybe we can call it even?” He lets out a breathy laugh, ignoring your question. “You didn’t tell me your relationship troubles, I didn’t tell you mine. Now it’s all on the table and we can leave it in the past.” He squeezes your hand, waiting for your response.
“Fine.” You flash a tight lipped smile, wanting to hash this open again with him at a later time. You didn’t keep secrets from each other, so why was he avoiding getting into this with you?
“Well, it’s almost closing time.” Of course he’s gonna change the subject. “Do you need a night alone or are you coming home with me tonight?” He forces a smile from across the table, and you could’ve sworn his ears turned the slightest bit red asking you to spend the night. Sleepovers weren’t out of the norm for the two of you, but this proposal felt different for some reason.
“I think if I’m alone at my place tonight I’ll revert to the sad couch potato I was before I texted you earlier.” You don’t really believe that, feeling like you’ve moved past the depression stage of grief and slowly inching toward acceptance. But you still wanted the company.
“I’d love to come home with you, Yunnie.”
“Then let’s go, sweetheart.”
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Your neighborhood was so beautiful at night. The soft streetlights cast a gentle glow on the sidewalk, illuminating little puddles of water from last night’s rain. The fall air feels cool and crisp, carrying the faint smell of the changing leaves. This late at night, the stillness is calming… usually.
You two had found this to be the perfect environment to have your deepest talks. Taking regular nighttime walks with Yunho had become one of your cherished rituals, especially when one of you needed to get something off your chest. You’d shared fragments of your lives, from your family drama to his frequent arguments with a stubborn coworker at his new job. But tonight, a suffocating silence swirls around you.
You’d taken a full lap around the neighborhood in silence since leaving Blossom, the familiar path devoid of your usual chatter. As you approach Yunho’s place, his brisk pace and hands shoved deep in his pockets told you he wasn’t going to be the one to acknowledge it. He was never one for confrontation. If he wouldn’t tell you what’s going on voluntarily, you’d have to coax it out of him.
You stop walking, the cool air feeling sharper on your skin. He takes three more strides before he stops too, spinning back around to face you, confusion etched on his devastatingly handsome features.
“You okay, bean?” he asks, tilting his head at you, genuine concern flickering in his eyes.
“I feel like I should be asking you the same thing,” you reply, barely above a whisper. Maybe you weren’t one for confrontation either.
He takes a step closer to you, “I’m fine,” he says with a quick shrug and a slight shake of his head.
“Then why haven’t you spoken to me since we left Blossom? Did I say something to upset you?” You try your hardest to grab your frustration before it bubbles up, but you can already tell it’s too late. His dismissive tone, both here and at the cafe, gnaws at you. It triggers something inside of you from your recently ended relationship, and you feel on the verge of either shutting down or letting your emotions spiral.
“I just thought you might want a quiet walk is all.” He can barely look you in the eye, and that’s when you know something is very wrong.
“Come on Yun, you know that’s not what’s going on. Something is bothering you.” The frustration claws higher and higher, an unwelcome tightness gripping at your chest. Don’t cry, y/n.
He opens his mouth, the words hanging on the tip of his tongue, but stops himself, his hands finally pulling from his pockets to rest on his hips. He stares at a fallen leaf swirling in a puddle between you.
“Is it because we talked about your ex?” He winces just a little at your words. “I didn’t mean to open old wounds, I just thought after everything we’ve shared with each other that you’d want to talk to me about it.” You don’t mean for your words to sound accusatory, but based on the way his body tenses, you realize they must have.
“It’s not that, y/n, it’s not about…” his voice trails off into a sigh. His eyes search yours, his mind racing trying to decide if he wants to get into what’s really going on, what he’s been keeping inside for so long.
“Then what is it?” You’re grasping at straws, desperately trying to get him to give you anything to go off of. When you’re met with more silence and an indiscernible look in his eyes, you push forward.
“I just don’t get why you wouldn’t tell me she cheated on you Yun, we help each other through everything.” Anger wells up in you, more at yourself for not asking him to open up to you about it at the time.
“Y/n, please, it’s more complicated than just her cheating, and I just don’t know if now is the best time to get into it, you’re still—”
“Still what, Yunho? Grieving my own relationship? Just because I just got dumped doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you!” Your voice rises, each word sharp, the tension in your throat threatening to break. “You don’t get to decide what I can and can’t handle, that’s not up to you—”
“Fine,” he interrupts, “do you wanna know the real reason I didn’t tell you, y/n? Is that what you want?” His ears redden, and you can’t tell if he’s angry, embarrassed, or a combination of the two. You nod hesitantly. “I didn’t tell you she cheated because I didn’t care, okay? I didn’t care. Her heart wasn’t in it anymore, but neither was mine.” His chest heaves, squeezing his eyes shut tight for a brief moment to brace himself.
“I didn’t care that she cheated, because I didn’t want her anyway.” He lets out a shaky breath. “I wanted you.”
Oh.
Oh.
His eyes burn into yours as his words hang in the air between the two of you.
“Yunho…” You take a step toward him only for him to take a step back. Your heart is pounding so hard in your chest, you wonder if he can hear it. What is happening right now?
“I’m sorry y/n, I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I’ve held it in for so long, and I just can’t do it anymore, I—” He stutters over his words, “I wasn’t grieving my relationship, I was grieving yours. You found someone just before she ended things with me, and I realized maybe you and I weren’t meant to be. That we’d never have the chance to try.” His eyes gloss over with pent up emotion, thinking about all the time he spent wondering what could’ve been. “I wanted you, but I had to act like I didn’t, and we were becoming such good friends, I didn’t want to ruin it, I just—”
”Did you think I didn’t feel the same?” You interrupt him. “That I don’t feel the same now?”
He tilts his head at you, the tension in his body visibly disintegrating. “What are you saying?” Brows furrowing, cheeks blushing, so many emotions flying through his features at a speed neither of you can process. He runs his hands down his face before resting them on his hips. “Sweetheart, what are you saying?”
“I wanted you, too, Yun…” The words tumble out of you, a rush of honesty that feels both exhilarating and terrifying. “I want you too.”
He takes another step toward you, his mind racing as he searches for answers to never ending questions. “You did?” Another step. “You do?”
“Yes, and yes,” you nod, feeling warmth flood your cheeks at your admission—both to Yunho and to you. You realize you’d never said it out loud before, not even to yourself.
“Say it again,” he urges, closing the gap between the two of you. One hand finds your waist while the other gently cradles the back of your neck. His touch lights a fire on your skin, his hands feeling heavier on your body than they ever have before. Your hands find their way to his waist, tugging him closer to you. Chests heaving, hearts racing.
“I want you, Yunho.”
The tension between you peaks, your grip tightening on one another, like if either one of you lets go, the moment will slip away. Yunho’s eyes search yours, looking for confirmation.
He gently cups your face, his thumb brushing your cheek, wiping away the remnants of your tears. His touch sends a shiver down your spine, igniting the familiar spark that had always lingered between the two of you. Your breath hitches in your throat, caught between the fear of moving too fast and the undeniable pull you have always felt towards him.
You bring a hand up to his cheek, your fingers gliding over his skin, feeling the warmth radiating from him. You linger for a moment before wrapping your fingers around the back of his neck, pulling him closer to you.
“Y/n,” he whispers, “sweetheart,” his gaze drops to your lips, and you swear you can hear your hearts beating in time with one another in the quiet.
You take a deep breath, searching his gaze for the same spark of desire you feel coursing through your body. He inches closer, breath mingling with yours, heating the space between you.
“Is this okay?” he asks softly, his voice trembling slightly.
You nod, breathless, as you lean in just enough to finally close the distance between the two of you.
The tip of his nose brushes against yours, the contact making your head spin. You’ve thought about this moment countless times, and being here feels so right.
“Yunho,” you breathe, “please kiss me alr—“
His mouth molds to yours before you can finish your sentence, pulling all the remaining air from your lungs. The world around you explodes in a flash of warmth and tenderness, all the hurt you had been feeling melting away into a puddle at your feet.
You feel a rush of emotions— relief, joy, and a deep, intoxicating desire— as he deepens the kiss. Your hands tighten around the back of his neck, pulling him closer as he sweeps his tongue across your bottom lip. You lose yourself in the sensation, the taste of him and the feeling of his lips on yours erasing everything else you’ve ever felt.
His fingers tangle in your hair, holding you as if you might disappear. This moment, this kiss, feels like a declaration— a culmination of all the unspoken words, the hidden glances, the years of longing between the two of you. It’s exhilarating.
He finally pulls away, resting his forehead against yours, your heavy breaths the only sounds on the quiet street. Your hands slide from his neck, traveling down his chest before settling on his waist.
“Sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to cut you off,” he chuckles, brushing a strand of hair from your face, “I’ve just been waiting a really long time to do that.” He drops a gentle kiss to your forehead before wrapping his arms around you to pull you close.
“You can cut me off anytime if it means I get to kiss you,” you nuzzle into his chest. The steady thud of his heartbeat slows yours to match.
“Oh yeah?” He looks down at you, a teasing glint in his eyes.
“Yes, abso—“
His lips connect to yours again, a fire igniting in your belly when his tongue tangles with yours. He tastes like caramel, the sweetness of his latte lingering on his tongue. Wide hands wrap around your hips, dragging you closer, rolling your body into him.
You snake your hands up his lower back, digging your nails into his skin through his shirt. A low groan rumbles deep in Yunho’s throat at the sensation, sending a bolt of heat straight to your core. A whimper crawls up your throat before you can stop it, and Yunho smiles against your mouth. He draws your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down gently.
“Your lips are even softer than I imagined they’d be,” he gives you one more lingering kiss before pulling back. His deep eyes find yours, his blushed cheeks glowing under the streetlights.
“You’ve imagined kissing me?” Shyness creeps in at the realization that Yunho thought about you in the same way you thought about him.
“Among other things, yes,” he brushes your hair out of your face, his palm settling to cup your cheek. “You’re cute when you blush.”
“I am not blushing!” You hide your face in your hands. “Maybe I am, but how can I not when you talk to me like that,” you muffle into your palms.
“I’ll talk to you any way you want if it means you’ll react like this,” he teases, gently pulling your hands from your face to hold them in his. “Your hands are freezing, sweetheart,” he brings your hands to his mouth, holding them between his and blowing his hot breath onto them to warm them up.
”Well we have been out here a while,” you shiver at the feeling of his breath on your skin.
“Am I still allowed to take you home tonight, or would that complicate things?” He’s either nervous, or hesitant. Either would make sense, you just got dumped and 24 hours later you’re confessing your feelings for your best friend (and kissing him). Anyone with a brain might wonder if you’re rushing, or worse, rebounding. Once you get out of this cold, you can talk things through.
“Yes, please, let’s go.” You take his hand in yours, kissing his knuckles before pulling him in the direction of his place.
“You got it, baby.” He slings an arm over your shoulder, planting a kiss to the top of your head. Your heart flutters as you walk toward his apartment.
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As soon as you walk through Yunho’s front door, he breezes past you to grab two wine glasses and a bottle of your favorite rosé while you kick off your boots. As you shed your jacket, he sets two full glasses on his simple wooden coffee table, heading back to his kitchen to grab a bag of chips and some chocolates. He returns with his hands full, confusion lacing his features when he finds you standing in the middle of his living room stifling a laugh.
“Is something funny?” He chuckles at your reddening cheeks as you let out a giggle.
“When did you get so nervous to have me in your apartment?” Part of you feels bad for teasing, but he looks so cute when he’s flustered, you can’t help it. “I’ve never seen you move so fast to get me a glass of wine.”
“Well, when you decide to tell me you want me in the middle of the street, that tends to change things, baby,” he grins at you, clocking you for the second time now having a physical reaction to his newest pet name for you. You thought sweetheart sounded beautiful coming out of his mouth, but baby is a whole new level of intoxicating.
”You said it first, but I guess that does change things, huh, baby?” You cross your arms, challenging him. “Do I make you nervous, Jeong Yunho?”
“You make me a lot of things, sweetheart, but nervous isn’t one of them.” He pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, the gesture making your head spin. After setting your snacks down on the coffee table, he finally takes off his jacket and kicks off his shoes. He plops down on his couch, patting the empty cushion next to him. “Come sit with me,” the deep, inviting tone of his voice has you moving to him immediately. Grabbing your wine, you sit next to him, folding one leg up onto the couch to turn to face him. He copies your position, his knee resting just an inch from yours.
“What do I make you feel, then?” You swirl your wine in your glass as your gaze flicks over his handsome features. Landing on his eyes, your heart jumps at the way they shine for you.
“Fulfilled,” he starts, scooting closer to you so your knees are just barely touching. “Cared for, understood,” the corner of his mouth quirks up slightly, “and loved.”
A bloom of warmth floods your chest at the word. This is what you’ve been missing the last few years. You thought your ex would give you this sense of gratification if you gave him more time, but what you were searching for was in your best friend. You always knew in the back of your mind that it was him. The one who held you when you cried, who made you laugh until your stomach hurt, who would drop everything to be there when you needed him. You take a big sip of your wine.
“I was settling,” the words fall off your lips before you can stop them, the alcohol warming your cheeks right away. “I thought that if I kept giving him everything he would eventually give me half of what I was craving, but in the back of my mind I think I knew he’d never be what I really needed… I settled for him.”
Yunho offers a soft nod, zero judgment, only understanding. “And what is it you were craving?” He moves even closer to you, your shins now pressed together.
“You,” you sigh, his deep eyes boring into yours, waiting for more. You tap your fingers on your wine glass, contemplating your next words. “The connection, the comfort, the joy, the love that you gave me,” your throat tightens thinking about the nights you spent longing for your best friend. “I wanted you, how you made me feel…but I settled for him.”
“Right person, wrong time,” Yunho scoffs, a gentle shake of his head, “kind of applies to us, right? We’ve wanted each other for years now, but we just never had the chance.”
“I should’ve told you sooner, Yun,” your hand rests on his, his fingers immediately lacing between yours. “We’ve wasted so much time,” hot tears blur your vision, but you blink them away before they fall.
“Hey, we have all the time in the world, baby,” he brings your hand to his mouth, planting a gentle kiss on your knuckles. “All the time in the world,” he muffles against your skin. You turn your palm to hold his cheek, and you notice his eyes roll back before they flutter closed.
“All the time in the world,” you repeat, threading your fingers into his hair. A future with Yunho flashes through your mind. Lazy Sunday mornings, celebrating milestones and holidays together, late nights tangled in the sheets, his body taking over yours —
“Y/n…” His deep, smooth voice brings you back to the moment, the sound of your name on his lips heating your cheeks.
“Hm?”
He gently takes your wine glass from your hand, setting it on the coffee table next to his untouched one. When his eyes find yours again, warmth pools in your belly at the darkness that’s taken over his features. “I really want to kiss you again, but I feel like we should talk first,” he takes both your hands in his, and your heart pounds a beat faster in your chest. “If you spend the night tonight, there’s no going back. Once I have you, I don’t think I can let you go.”
“I don’t want you to let me go, Yun,” you squeeze his hands in yours. “I’ve waited too long to get here, I don’t wanna go back… You already have me, don’t let me go.” The thudding in your rib cage intensifies with every second of heated silence.
“I couldn’t if I tried,” he finally says, pulling you in, crashing his lips into yours. His hands find your waist, his tongue exploring your mouth, and you wrap your arms around his neck as he pulls you into his lap. You straddle him, resting your knees on either side of his hips, deepening the kiss as his hands wander to cup your ass, pulling you closer to him. You roll your hips against him, his grip tightening on you as he drags your body over him. A groan rumbles in his chest and you feel his cock stiffening beneath you, grinding on him slower and harder.
“I can’t believe you’re finally mine,” Yuhho’s hand snakes up your back and into your hair, gently removing your clip and tossing it to the floor before gripping your locks and tilting your head to the side, exposing the sensitive column of your neck to his mouth. He nips at your skin, licking the spot with his tongue, moving up to the tender spot under your ear. “My beautiful girl,” his hot breath in your ear has your entire body blooming with goosebumps.
”Yunho,” you roll your hips over him again as his lips travel down your neck to your collarbone, a whimper crawling up your throat at your rough jeans catching on your swelling clit. He feels harder and harder underneath you with each rock against him, and you’re cursing yourself for wearing such thick pants. You just want to feel him.
“Yes, sweetheart?” He tightens his grip on your hair, kissing back up your neck until his lips connect with yours again. You moan into his mouth as his other hand guides your hips back and forth, shamelessly grinding your bodies against each other like horny teenagers.
“Touch me please,” you beg, catching his bottom lip between your teeth, sucking on it gently.
“Only because you asked so nicely,” he teases. He snakes an arm around your waist and smoothly rolls you onto your back, laying you down in the soft cushions. He kneels, settling between your legs, spreading them wide to roll his hips into your needy clothed core. His mouth finds yours again, tangling his tongue with yours.
The hand in your hair loosens, trailing down your body, ghosting over your breasts, down your belly, and lifting your sweater slightly to get to your jeans. He makes light work of the button and zipper, his nimble fingers undoing the fastenings with ease, all while keeping his mouth on yours. You feel him tapping on your ass, signaling you to lift your hips. When you do, he shimmies your jeans down your legs agonizingly slowly, breaking the kiss to admire the bits of your skin he’s dreamt about for years.
He tosses your jeans on his living room floor, and a timidity slithers up at the realization that you’re in your underwear on your best friend’s couch. His broad hands rest on your thighs, letting you close them slightly, your shared shuddering breaths the only sound in his quiet apartment.
“Getting shy on me, sweetheart?” He teases you, reading your mind. He knows you so well. You giggle as he slides his hands to your sweater, dragging it up your body, exposing your panties, shifting it higher and higher until the bottom hem of your bra is barely showing. He slides his hands under your top, expertly cradling your bra-clad breasts in his hands, letting out a restrained groan. The energy shifts and you whimper, watching his eyes locked on the way his fingers swim beneath the fabric of your sweater. You let your legs fall open slightly as Yunho slots himself between them, peppering your belly with gentle kisses and thumbing one of your pebbling nipples through the thin material of your bra.
“Yun…” you sigh, running your fingers through his hair as he kisses you lower and lower, “please,”
“Mhm,” he nods against your soft skin, shifting down to lay on his belly between your legs, hooking your knees over his shoulders. You feel his searing breath over your pussy, cooling the growing wet patch in your panties, making you clench around nothing. He picks up on your reaction, gripping your hips before blowing a steady stream of air over your sensitive heat.
“Oh,” you breathe, wriggling under his strong grasp, spreading your legs wider for him.
“You’re so reactive,” he murmurs, biting down on your inner thigh, soothing the spot with his tongue. You yelp at the sensation, covering your mouth in shock of the sound that just came out of you. Yunho chuckles darkly, “don’t hold back, baby, I wanna hear all the noises you make.”
He hooks an arm over your hip so his hand rests on your mound. He grips your panties in his fist, pulling them up until the fabric slips between your wet folds, gliding firmly over your clit. You stifle a sob as he tugs them harder, biting you once more.
“I thought I told you not to hold back, sweetheart,” he licks your skin again, soothing the angry bite mark that will surely be bruised by morning. Another tug of your panties has you mewling, one hand gripping his hair for dear life, the other blindly searching for anything to ground you.
“Yunnie, please, stop teasing me,” you never thought your sweet and wholesome best friend could have you whimpering and begging beneath him, hardly having touched you. He has such a dark, dominating presence about him in this moment, and it’s making your head fuzzy.
He lets go of your panties, swiftly pulling them to the side, exposing your wet heat to the cool air. You suck in a sharp inhale, finally bare to him.
“Fuck,” he moans, “look at you, baby,” he runs two fingers through your heat, the sudden contact making you cry out. He spreads you wide to see every inch of you, taking his time. “So pretty,” he breathes.
“I need you, please,” you whine, “are you gonna make me keep begging?”
“Baby, I’ve wanted to touch you like this for years,” he drawls, “let me savor it a little.” Before you can protest, he teases your entrance with two fingers, slowly thrusting them deeper and deeper inside you, little by little, until his palm is flush with your cunt. Your head falls back into the cushions, your chest heaving. You had daydreamed about how his fingers would feel inside of you, but nothing compares to the real thing. He pumps in and out a few more times before he curls his fingers, hitting the spot that makes your back arch. You grip his hair, tugging on it harder than you mean to, but you can’t help it. You miss the way his eyes roll back, his mouth hanging open at the pain.
Yunho lets you guide his mouth to your core, his fingers keeping a steady pace as he uses his free hand to spread you open, swirling his tongue around your clit.
“Yunnie…” you whimper, grinding your hips on his mouth. He nods against you, sucking your clit into his mouth, rolling his tongue over the swollen bud over and over in time with his fingers moving in and out of you. Pleasure blooms in your belly as he works you, each flick of his tongue bringing you closer to the edge.
“Feeling good, sweetheart?” He replaces his tongue with his thumb, circling your clit softly to ease you into the sensation. You push yourself down into his hand, needing more. He chuckles, applying more pressure until he feels you melting under him.
“Yes, so good Yun, fuck,” the pressure low in your belly builds rapidly, and you know if he keeps going at this pace, you’ll fall apart in no time. You prop yourself up on your elbows to look at him, and once your eyes lock with his you know you’re a goner.
His hair is mussed from your tugging on it, his cheeks flushed, his mouth glistening, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple as he picks up the pace ever so slightly. He smirks at you, letting your legs fall from his shoulders so he can kneel between them again, sitting back to get a good look at you, never slowing his ministrations. You make the mistake of glancing down, your mouth drying at the sight of his cock pressing against the confines of his jeans. He hits that spot deep inside you again, and you fall back into the cushions, breathy curses falling from your mouth over and over.
“You look so beautiful like this, fucking hell,” he drops his free hand next to your head, caging you in beneath him, watching his fingers pistoning in and out of you faster and faster, circling your clit in a matching pace. “Mine, mine, mine,” he repeats over and over, like he can’t believe this is finally happening. He brings his lips to yours, mumbling the words against your mouth as you nod wordlessly in agreement, the taste of yourself on his tongue making you dizzy. He kisses you down to your neck, nipping at your sensitive skin, praise after praise whispered into your ear.
“Tell me you’re mine,” he emphasizes his words with a sharp thrust of his fingers, and you cry out at the sensation.
“I’m yours, I’m yours— fuck!” You feel the cord in your belly tightening and tightening.
“Good fucking girl,” he whispers in your ear, nipping at your earlobe, “come around my fingers, baby,”
“Oh, oh,” you shudder underneath him, his words pushing you over the edge as your orgasm rips through your body, pleasure burning from the inside out. He kisses you hard, slowing his pace bit by bit to ease you through your climax, your body trembling in his hold. “Yunho,” you mumble into his mouth, “I’m yours,” you whisper.
“You sure are,” he peppers your cheeks with soft, tender kisses, your brain slowly coming back online as he slows his fingers, coming to a stop. “And I’m yours,” he kisses you gently, easing his fingers out of you, slipping your panties back into place. He lays down on the couch next to you, pulling your favorite throw blanket over your exposed bottom half, tracing hearts and stars on your skin while your breathing steadies, running his fingers through your hair as you let your eyes flutter closed. You snuggle into him, the warmth of his body keeping the flame in your core burning.
“You are incredible, Jeong Yunho,” you giggle as he kisses every inch of your face, his soft lips mapping the details of your skin. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him.
“Why, because I made you come in 5 minutes flat?” His low drawl has desire coursing through your veins, part of you feeling embarrassed he can turn you on so easily with just his words.
Your breath hitches as you nod, trying to keep your cool, but he knows you better than that by now. “You really like when I talk to you like this, don’t you, baby?”
“Apparently I do,” you turn to look at him, a teasing glint in his eyes, his fingers dancing across the bare skin of your belly. “I’d love to hear what else you have to say,” you tease.
“Well for starters, I want to take you to bed” His mouth hovers over the shell of your ear, the combination of his hot breath fanning over your skin and the vibrations of his deep voice have lust taking over your thoughts once again. “I want to fuck you properly, and we just don’t exactly have the space for that here,” you can hear the smile in his voice.
“Oh,” you giggle, his straightforwardness taking you by surprise. Just like that you’re throbbing for him again, your mind racing thinking about where your night with him is going to go. “I’d like that.”
Before he can catch you, you jump up from the couch, leaving your throw blanket behind, beelining for the hallway toward Yunho’s bedroom, giggling the whole way.
“Hey!” He laughs, clamoring up to chase after you. A few long strides and he’s caught up to you, right in the doorway of his bedroom. He hooks an arm around your waist and you yelp as he spins you around to face him, the momentum of both your running carrying you to the foot of his bed. The backs of your knees hit the mattress, but he holds you upright, pressing your body against his. Your eyes lock, both of you breathing heavily.
“Someone’s excited,” Yunho chuckles, giving you a firm kiss before pushing you back onto his bed. You let out a breathless laugh as you plop down on the mattress, pushing yourself to sit upright.
“A little,” your hands find his torso, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He smirks down at you as you run your hands under his shirt and up his stomach to chest. He lets out a shaky breath at the feeling of your hands on him, and pulls his shirt off over his head, discarding it on the floor. You’d seen him without a shirt a handful of times, but this close he looks ethereal. Your fingers dance across his bare skin, reveling in the feeling of being able to touch him like this. You want to see more of him, touch more of him, taste more of him.
“Yun,” you start, hesitant to take the lead. You slide your hands down his body until your fingers feel the smooth leather of his belt. Your eyes meet his, not breaking contact while you smoothly undo his belt buckle. “Can I?” You whisper.
“You can do whatever you want to me, y/n,” he breathes, looking down to where your fingers are undoing the button of his jeans, sliding the zipper down slowly. You pull his jeans down, and he kicks them to the side, standing before you in only his boxers, his hard length pressing against the confines of the fabric.
His fingers lace through your hair, gripping it gently to tip your head back. Keeping your eyes on him, you slowly pull your sweater over your head, letting him let go of your hair to take it from your hands and toss it to the floor. You reach behind you, undoing the clasp of your bra, slowly sliding it from your body and dropping it next to your discarded sweater. Yunho’s chest heaves as he pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, drinking this image of you in, dragging his gaze across your exposed chest.
“So beautiful,” his voice has dropped even lower, a tone you’ve never heard from him, the deep timbre stoking the fire deep inside you. “You are so beautiful,” he cups your face in his hands, bending over to kiss you softly. He parts your lips with his tongue as you rest your hands on his abdomen, sliding one down to palm his cock over his boxers.
“Fuck,” he groans into your mouth, your fingers wrapping around him as much as you can through the fabric, stroking his impressive length as he licks deeper into your mouth. You pump him from base to tip, running your thumb over the wet patch at the head of his cock, drawing another guttural moan from his lips. Your mouth is watering at the feeling of him, but it’s not enough.
You dip your fingers under the waistband of his boxers, and Yunho breaks the kiss to watch you pull them slowly down, down, down, until his cock springs free, hanging heavy in front of you. You absentmindedly lick your lips at the sight of him, feeling the wetness in your panties growing. Lust prickles across your skin thinking about feeling him inside of you.
“Yunho,” you sigh, wrapping your fingers around him, pumping him slowly as he stands up straight, tugging your hair in his fist to tip your head back again. “I want you to fuck my throat,” you whine, “please,”
“Oh, baby,” he grips your hair tighter at your words while you stroke him, the sting making your cheeks warm, “you want me to stuff your pretty little mouth? Wanna wrap those beautiful lips around me?” Towering over you like this, you start to realize just how much he could overpower you, and the thought spreads heat through your abdomen.
“Please,” you nod, “I wanna taste you,” you open your mouth, sticking your tongue out for him, keeping your eyes on his. You pump his length twice more as you guide his hips toward your mouth, dropping your hands into your lap as his tip rests on your tongue.
“Mmh, so pretty,” he whispers, wrapping his fist around his cock, tapping his tip on your tongue before sliding past your lips. “If it gets to be too much, just tap my thigh, okay sweetheart?”
You nod, wrapping your lips around him, sliding your tongue over the sensitive underside of his tip. His head falls back, a beautiful moan falling from his lips as you slowly start to bob your head. You take more of him, inch by inch until his cock taps the back of your throat. You swallow around him, and he absentmindedly thrusts deeper, chasing the sensation.
“Fuck,” he groans, his grip on your hair tightening again as he holds you there. “I’m gonna move now, is that okay?” He brings his free hand to your cheek, caressing it gently as you nod in confirmation. As soon as you give him the signal, he pulls back slightly, rocking his hips slowly, savoring the feeling of your lips wrapped around him and your tongue gliding over him. “So beautiful with your mouth stuffed so full,” he praises you, thrusting deeper into your mouth, down your throat, testing the limits of what you can take. He finds a steady rhythm, and you match his pace, bobbing your head and licking over every inch of him as he pumps in and out of your mouth, the stretch burning your throat deliciously.
You can’t take your eyes off of him, tears blurring your vision as you admire his lustful features. His furrowed brow, his blown pupils, his flushed cheeks. The bead of sweat dripping down the tip of his nose, the tensing muscles in his stomach as he pumps into your mouth… he looks so beautiful. You find yourself rocking your hips, grinding into the mattress, looking for any friction you can get.
He thrusts deep into your mouth, his cock hitting the back of your throat again, and he holds you down on him, your nose brushing over his abdomen. The lack of air makes your head spin, and you want him even deeper. You reach up to grab his hips, but your hand bumps his thigh on the way up, which he takes as your signal that it’s too much.
“Shit,” he pulls out of your mouth, and you gasp for air as he drops to his knees in front of you. “Are you okay, baby? I’m so sorry, was that too rough?” His eyes are full of panic and he brushes your hair out of your face, wiping the saliva that had bubbled up at the corners of your mouth. It all happens so fast, it takes you a moment to process the man waiting in front of you, waiting for a response. Before you can stop yourself, a smile breaks across your face and a giggle rises up your throat.
“Yunnie,” you laugh, cradling his concerned face in your hands, “I’m fine, more than fine,” you try to catch your breath. “I was trying to…grab your hips to pull you closer, but I … bumped your leg by mistake,” his panicked face relaxes, a beautiful smile taking its place, and he lets out a deep sigh of relief. “I do appreciate how quickly you stopped though,” you tease him, your breathing finally steady, “it’s nice to know my boundaries will be taken very seriously.”
“You scared me!” He laughs, dropping his head in your lap.
“It was an accident!” You laugh with him, brushing through his hair with your fingers. “I actually wanted you to be more rough with me,”
He straightens up. “Is that so?” He plants his hands on the mattress on either side of your hips, the darkness returning to his gaze as he stands again, leaning over you. You lean back onto your elbows as he towers over you, his eyes raking over every inch of your body.
“It is,” you whisper, suddenly feeling so small beneath him, all lightheartedness suddenly sucked out of the room. “I would enjoy that very much,”
“Mmh,” he hooks an arm under your waist, lifting you easily and moving your body further up the mattress. You let out a small yelp as he drops you, heart warming as he reaches above you to grab a pillow to prop under your head. Once he’s sure you’re comfortable, he hooks his fingers on your panties, and you lift your hips for him to peel them off of you. He tosses them to the floor, turning his attention back to you, spreading your legs wide open, kneeling between them.
“I would enjoy that too, however,” he runs his hands up your calves, your thighs, until he reaches your center, using both hands to spread you wide open. You watch in awe as he runs two fingers through your arousal, teasingly dipping them inside of you. “I want to savor every moment of this,” he dips down to kiss you softly as he drives his fingers even deeper, prodding that tender spot inside of you, drawing a whine from your lips. “Let me be gentle this time, let me show you how much I–” he pauses, something indiscernible flashing through his eyes. “Let me show you how much I’ve been wanting you,” he recovers. “Then next time,” his thumb flicks over your clit, “I will do whatever you want me to do to you,” he circles the sensitive bud, your mind reeling. “Does that sound good, baby?”
“Mhm,” you nod, “so good,” you whimper as he scissors his fingers inside of you, surely trying to stretch you open for what’s to come.
He reaches for the drawer in his nightstand with his free hand, but you stop him. “You don’t have to wear one,” you interrupt.
“Are you sure?” His fingers keep moving inside of you, stretching you wider with each thrust, but still giving your conversation his attention.
“I’m on the pill and was tested recently, so yes, please Yunnie, I want to feel you,” you mewl, “please let me feel you,”
“So good for me,” he praises you over and over, “are you ready?”
“Yes, please,” you whine when he pulls his fingers from your cunt, desperate for him. He lifts your hips, pulling you closer to him, nestling himself between your legs, being sure to adjust your pillow once more. He spreads you open with one hand, tapping the tip of his solid cock on your swollen clit before rubbing it up and down your slit, lining up with your entrance. You both freeze at the same time as the reality of what’s about to happen finally hits you.
The feeling of this moment is nothing you’ve experienced before. For years, you’ve longed for Yunho, wanting the intimacy of your friendship to go beyond just emotional intimacy. You’ve yearned for him as long as you’ve known him. You wanted him– all of him. Finally, the universe decided it’s time for you two to experience that.
You realize he’s feeling it too, his hand finding your cheek in the silence, brushing away a tear that you didn’t realize had fallen down your cheek. “I know, baby,” he whispers, and that’s all you need to hear.
He presses his lips to your forehead as he slowly pushes inside, easing you into the sensation, gently stretching you out on his cock. You feel grateful that he prepped you with his fingers, the sting you feel only lasting a few brief moments before he’s smoothly gliding into you. He pushes in deeper and deeper, until you’re filled to the brim. He drops his hands to the mattress on either side of your head as he bottoms out. Almost in unison, you both let out a shuddering exhale.
“You feel incredible, fuck” he breathes against your forehead, finally pulling back to look into your eyes, your bodies finally connected physically in the way they’ve felt connected spiritually all these years. “And you look so pretty, my angel,” he whispers, his eyes shining.
“I don’t know how you can still manage to make me blush when you’re literally inside of me,” you pant, shyly giggling as your cheeks warm under his loving gaze. He hisses at the way you squeeze around him when you laugh. “Sorry,” you cover your mouth with your hand to stifle your giggles.
“I’m learning so much about you today,” he pulls hips back slightly before burying himself inside you again, all teasing coming to an instant halt as the tip of his cock presses against your g-spot.
“Oh my–” your back arches at the feeling, “God Yunnie, I feel so f-full.”
“You’re doing so well baby,” he praises you again, giving you a moment to adjust to his size. “Look at you, so beautiful taking my cock.”
“I need you to fuck me,” you scramble to grip his forearms, feeling the taut muscles under his skin. “Please,” you wriggle your hips beneath him, “move,”
“Mm,” he pulls out almost completely, just the tip of his cock resting inside of you, “say it again, sweetheart,”
“Fuck me Yunnie, please,” you beg, trying to push your hips down on his cock.
“God, I’ve waited so long to hear you say that, I’ll never get tired of it” he slams into you, and you cry out as he bottoms out inside of you again. He sets a steady pace, rolling his hips into you over and over, the feeling of him pumping in and out of you more delicious than you could’ve ever imagined. He kisses you hard, licking into your mouth, swallowing all of your pretty little moans.
He cups one of your breasts in his wide palm, running his thumb over your nipple, stoking the fire in the pit of your belly. He straightens, admiring how beautiful you look while you take him. Your lips red and puffy, your eyes half lidded, your breasts bouncing with each thrust.
“So pretty, taking me so well,” he praises you as his hand coasts up your chest, fingers gently wrapping around your neck. He holds his hand there for a moment, making a mental note of the way your eyes light up when he briefly squeezes the column of your throat.
“F-feels so g-good,” you choke out between thrusts. His thumb slides along your jaw toward your chin, prodding at your bottom lip, coaxing your mouth open. You wrap your lips around his thumb, sucking on it briefly before he pops it out of your mouth, trailing it down your body until he reaches your clit. The contact has your head spinning, the cord in your center tightening and tightening as he flicks your sensitive bud.
“Baby, look,” his voice cuts through the foggy lust in your head, grabbing your attention. He nods down to where your bodies are connected, gesturing for you to take a glance.
One look at him splitting you open has your climax threatening to wash over you, warmth running up and down your spine at the sight of your arousal shining on his cock as he pistons in and out of your heat relentlessly. He swirls his thumb around your clit faster at the feeling of you squeezing around him.
“You close, sweetheart?” He’s breathless as he fucks you, hitting so deep inside you that you can feel it in your stomach.
“Mhm, fuck, yes,” you cry out, scrambling for his free hand, lacing your fingers between his.
“Come on, I want to watch you fall apart around my cock.” He’s fucking you impossibly hard, each thrust hitting just right, bringing you closer and closer to the edge. “Let me feel you, love,”
“Oh my god,” you stammer out a string of curses as your second orgasm washes over you, your heart thudding in your ears as your body tenses underneath him. He barely slows his pace, keeping his thumb resting on your clit, fucking you through your high.
“There she is,” he coos, slowing little by little until your body starts to relax. He thrusts all the way inside, bottoming out, collapsing over you.
“Wow,” you laugh, bringing your hands up to cradle his flushed face. “That was,”
“Incredible?” He finishes your sentence, kissing your sweaty forehead over and over. You let out a soft moan in agreement, and his cock jumps inside of you at the sound.
“Mmh,” you whimper, the warmth creeping back into your belly, and you squeeze around Yunho’s cock.
“Wanting more already?” He teases, pushing his hips against you, thrusting himself in even deeper.
“Absolutely,” you squeeze around him again, craning your neck up to capture his lips with yours. “Fuck me however you want, baby,” you whisper against his mouth. His cock twitches inside you again and you giggle, waiting for his next move.
“Flip over,” he pants, “I wanna fuck you like this,” he slips out of you and you whine, feeling empty. He helps you roll onto your belly, kneeling behind you as he pulls your ass in the air and plants a hand in the middle of your back, guiding you to arch for him. You squish your cheek into the mattress, trying to look back at him. “Fucking hell,” he palms your ass with both hands, admiring your delectable form, “you are unreal.”
“Yun, please, I need you,” you whine as he bends over your body, planting hot, wet kisses up your spine until he reaches the nape of your neck, bringing his lips to your ear. You feel his cock bump against your backside, his body flush against yours.
“You are insatiable, my love,” your heart flutters at the word, but your lust pushes any overanalyzing to the back of your mind in favor of how desperate you are for him.
You push back into him, feeling the tip of his cock bump against your heat. He straightens at the feeling, rubbing circles into your hips with his thumbs as he watches you move. You roll your hips, catching the tip of his cock between your folds, wiggling and rocking to find the right angle before it finally slips inside.
“Oh, fuck,” he whimpers as you push back, taking him deeper and deeper until your ass is flush against him. You start bouncing your hips, taking him in and out, slowly at first, the sounds of his moans filling your ears and soaking your center.
“Feel good, baby?” You muffle from beneath him, moving your hips quicker with each bounce on his cock. You open your legs a little wider, the new angle rocking his cock against your g-spot.
“The best thing I’ve ever felt,” he rolls his hips to meet yours, the sound of skin slapping filling the air of his bedroom. “I can’t believe how long we’ve waited for this,” he grips your hips, meeting your thrusts in earnest, fucking into you impossibly deep. You match each other’s pace immediately, moans and whines filling the air.
He threads his fingers through your hair, tugging you upwards until your body is flush against his, your sweat-slicked bodies rocking together. His hand drops from your hair to wrap around your neck, holding you firmly in place as he threads his other hand between your legs, his middle and ring finger easily finding your swollen clit.
“I want you like this forever,” he whispers in your ear as he drives into you, your motivation to bounce on him melting into the mattress beneath you. You want him to take you however he wants you, your body molding into his grip.
“Forever,” you nod as he kisses your neck, “you have me forever Yunnie,”
“Again,” he groans as you tighten around him, his fingers swirling around your clit, your third orgasm of the night building rapidly low in your belly. “Say it again,”
“Forever,” you repeat, “I’m yours forever,”
“Fuck, sweetheart, I’m so close,” he growls into your ear, “you take me so well, like you were made for me,”
“I was, Yun,” you assure him, “I was made for you,” he rubs your clit faster, “and you were made for me,”
“God, yes,” he kisses your shoulder, his pace faltering as he gets closer to the edge, “I love you, y/n, fuck.” His fingers swirl around your clit as his hips stutter, spilling hot and fast inside of you. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeats over and over as he ruts into you.
“I love you, Yunho,” you cry out, your heart exploding as your orgasm follows, your body shuddering against him as you come together, your words and his swirling around you in the afterglow.
He holds you tight against him, guiding your spent form back down to the mattress, kissing every inch of your skin as you both come down from your highs. He slips out of you, lowering your hips, massaging your sore muscles before rolling onto his back next to you. You mimic his position, flipping over so you’re both staring at the ceiling, processing the words you both just confessed. You lay together in silence, the sounds of both of you trying to catch your breath filling the room. You let your eyes close, processing the moment.
“Jeong Yunho,” your voice is hoarse once you speak. “Tell me you love me.” Your eyes flutter open, turning your head to see him already beaming at you. He rolls onto his side, bringing himself nose to nose with you.
“I love you.” He declares, clear and confident, your heart swelling in your chest. His lips brush over yours, both of you smiling as he kisses you softly. “Your turn,” he whispers. You copy him, rolling onto your side, brushing his sweat slicked hair from his forehead as he throws an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him.
“I love you,” you giggle, kissing him again.
“One more time?”
“I, love, you,” you emphasize each word with a gentle kiss on his lips,
“I will never get tired of hearing that,” he whispers. “Let’s go get cleaned up.”
You whine in protest, but Yunho eventually gets you into the bathroom, running a hot shower for the both of you. You wash up together, hardly able to keep your hands off of each other. Once you’ve fallen apart in his hands twice more and the water’s run cold, he helps you into a pair of his boxers and his biggest, softest sweatshirt.
“This feels like a dream,” you think out loud once you’re snuggled up in Yunho’s bed together. “Is this a dream?”
“If it is, I never want to wake up,” he smiles at you under the dim street lights flooding through his windows. “This is all I need, forever.”
You kiss him at that, soft and tender, his arms wrapping tighter around you, holding you close. You fall asleep shortly after, nose to nose, hearts full.
⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆
You wake to the morning sun shining through Yunho’s bedroom windows, the sweet smell of vanilla flooding your nose. Stretching your tired limbs, you roll over to find the other side of the bed empty. Panic floods your mind at the sight, your past making you assume the worst. Is he sleeping on the couch? You wonder. Does he regret what he said and now he’s avoiding me? Before you can reason with yourself, you jump out of bed and speed walk down the hallway, stopping dead in your tracks when you reach the kitchen.
“You’re not freaking out, are you y/n?” Yunho drawls, his voice still laced with sleep, low and raspy. He hasn’t even looked at you yet, his focus being on the plate on the counter in front of him, but he already knows where your mind is at just by the sound of your footsteps coming down the hallway. Of course he does. His bare, wide shoulders shake as he laughs to himself. His pajama pants hang low on his hips, the muscles in his back moving beneath his skin as he throws the final touches on what’s in front of him. He spins around to face you holding a plate of pancakes, littered with strawberries cut into hearts. Your heart flutters at the scene in front of you. “You think I’m gonna make love to you, tell you that I love you, and not make you breakfast in the morning?”
Suddenly feeling self conscious over your immediate assumption that he regretted your night together, you cross your arms, avoiding his gaze. “I got scared,” you whisper.
“That I left you in my apartment all alone? Baby,” he puts the plate down, “I would never, especially after last night,” he crosses the kitchen to reach you, pulling you into his warm embrace, his hot skin beneath you melting away the coldness you felt from waking up alone. “I’m not like…him,” he reminds you, brushing his fingers through your hair. “You are safe with me. Safe, loved, protected, respected, I could go on and on. Do you understand me?” He presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head.
You nod against his chest. “I do,” you feel a tear slide down your cheek, spreading from your skin, onto his. He squeezes you in a tight hug.
“Come on, let’s get some food in your system. You haven’t eaten since our pastries at Blossom last night,” he releases you to grab your plate, as well as a second he made for himself, and drops another quick kiss to your forehead before carrying them to the coffee table in his living room.
“Come sit,” he beckons you, and you follow automatically, plopping on the couch. He grabs your favorite throw blanket before sitting down next to you, draping it over both of your laps. No matter how hard you try to ignore them, negative thoughts are still plaguing your mind. You both pick up your plates, eating in silence for a few moments before Yunho speaks up again.
“Y/n, what’s on your mind?” His tone is so sincere, you immediately feel guilty for making him worry.
“I’m just–” you hesitate for a moment. “I’m scared it’s too good to be true.”
“What is? Us?” Worry flickers across his features, his heart aching seeing you so distraught.
“Yeah,” you sigh, poking at one of your pancakes with your fork. You know you’re being unreasonable, and that Yunho has shown you nothing but love and commitment as long as you’ve known him. But your self doubt and your history of awful relationships is screaming at you that you don’t deserve him. You’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t even realize that you’re crying.
Yunho gently takes your plate from your hands, putting both his and yours back on the coffee table. He shifts his body slowly until he’s kneeling on the floor in front of you, resting his hands on your blanket-covered thighs.
“Y/n, look at me,” he pleads. You wipe the tears from your cheeks, patting the dampness into the blanket in your lap. You rest your hands on top of his, tracing the lines of his veins for a moment before dragging your gaze upwards to meet his. His eyes are glazed over with tears of his own.
“Yunnie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I–”
“Listen to me,” he interrupts. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. The most precious thing in this world to me. Each moment that I spend with you fills me with a joy that I never experienced until I met you.” He turns his hands over to cradle yours as his tears finally fall down his cheeks. “I love you. And I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving that to you. And proving to you that you deserve the love that I give you.”
You stifle a sob at his words, trying to take all of it in as the beautiful truth. You know he means it, he’s always meant every word he’s ever said to you, and you know you need to silence your anxieties in favor of what you know to be true.
“It’s gonna take time,” you whisper. “It’ll take time for me to believe that I deserve what you give me,” you wipe your own tears, then his, both of you laughing breathlessly at your own emotions. “But I will get there,” you continue, “I just need you to be patient with me.”
“Of course. I will spend the rest of my life reminding you what you deserve, sweetheart. That’s a promise.”
“I love you.” You cradle his head in your hands, memorizing every inch of his face, savoring the first day of the rest of your lives.
“I love you,” he kisses the tip of your nose. “Let’s go finish our breakfast in bed.”
“Okay,” you giggle watching Yunho jump up to grab both your plates, giddily walking toward his bedroom with a wide smile on his face.
“You coming?” He glances over his shoulder at you, his ears blushing bright red as he waits for you.
You nod, hopping up to follow after him, to your new forever.
Tbh I genuinely have a need for fluffy and sensual Jongho fics but I hate au’s. Like I just want to read about realistic Jongho with realistic reader, but those types of fics are so few and far between. I’m lucky to stumble upon an amazing fic that checks off all my boxes once every week tbh
Can You Look At Me?- Part 6 (Finale) - Yunho/fem!reader (Insecurity!Series)
Pairing: Jeong Yunho/reader
Word count: 9k
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort, romance, idol!Ateez
Summary: You’ve been friends with Yunho and Mingi for years. You found them through dancing, and even though life has taken you in different directions, it still connects you. But what happens when things are said that threaten to sever that connection? Is it better to fight or just let go?
Contains: Bunny as a nickname, tall tomboy reader, insecurities (duh), childhood friends to lovers, requited unrequited love, misunderstandings, protective Yunho, best friend!Mingi.
A/N: Once again my besties @thewinter-eden and @mrsminseochoi are the best and you’re too adorable for your own good (that’s right, I fucking said it!)
As always, please comment on here, in a pm or an ask if you want to be tagged in the rest of the series, I love talking to you guys!
Enjoy!
Can You Look At Me? Masterlist Insecurity!Series Masterlist
Part 5 Yeosang Part 1
It takes him four whole days to actually talk to you.
And it’s not for a lack of trying.
The day after he broke your heart, you send a couple of messages in the group chat but ignore any questions about how you’re doing, and you leave his private messages on read.
On day two you’re more active and start responding to him specifically but your tone is short and you’re acting like nothing has happened. He tries his best not to push when he asks you for a video call but you’re either busy or tired, and Yunho knows an excuse when he hears it.
On the third day Mingi takes pity on him and asks you for a call. Not once has Yunho ever been jealous of your relationship with your mutual best friend, but when Mingi walks out of the studio to keep him from listening in, he feels like crying.
He’d never ask to listen, and your privacy means everything to him, but he feels the distance and loss of warmth between you, and every second he can’t hear your voice hammers home just how badly he’s screwed up.
The minutes tick by and after close to an hour, Mingi returns and when he sends his friend a look that doesn't spell out that he’s destroyed everything, Yunho swears he could kiss him.
Day four is when he finally gets to hear your voice again, and the moment the call connects and you say his name, it knocks the air out of his lungs.
“Yunho?” You repeat when he doesn’t answer, your tone guarded but soft, like you can’t help but care for him even though you’re the one hurting.
“Yeah,” He clears his throat, blinking the tears away, willing the image of you away from his mind when it hurts too much. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“Mingi said you wanted to talk, so…” You sound so awkward, and Yunho’s kicking himself for making you ever doubt yourself.
“Yeah,” Is he even capable of saying anything else at this point? “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine.” You say. Simple. Short. Dismissive.
Yunho doesn’t know why he expected anything else.
“Right, um-” God, when has he ever been this nervous with you? “So, listen, I wanted to apologize for the other day. I said some stuff that didn’t come out right, and I didn’t realize it hurt you until later.”
“It’s fine.” You repeat and Yunho has never disliked the words more than now.
“No, it’s really not. When I said we weren’t dating, it wasn’t my intention to make you think I’m not interested in you. I just didn’t want people to come after you again, I was trying to protect you, but I ended up doing the opposite.”
“So, are you?” You say and for the first time since the call started, you’re letting some emotion color your tone.
“Am I…?”
“Interested in me.”
Your words nearly make the phone slip from his grip and his face is burning as he struggles to hold onto it, not doubting he looks as red as a tomato.
“Cause if you’re not, just tell me.”
“No-” Yunho stops himself just in time as he realizes that’s a bad way to start. “Bunny, I am interested in you. Very interested actually.”
Your silence scares him more than any words or screaming ever could and even he can hear the stress in his voice when he continues.
“I’ve tried to see you as nothing but a friend for a long time cause I didn’t want to ruin anything or make you uncomfortable, but obviously that was the wrong choice. I’ve never cared about anyone the way I care about you.”
“You don’t have to tell what you think I want to hear because you’re afraid of losing me, Yunho.” The lack of nickname hurts his soul. “I’ll still be here for you regardless.”
“That’s not what I’m doing at all.” He says, your name soft on his lips in an attempt to make you understand his sincerity. “I want you. If you’ll still have me.”
“You really mean that?” You ask after a beat of silence that Yunho swears is long enough to give him a heart attack.
“I do.” He says, putting every emotion he’s feeling into his voice. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Bunny.”
He hears the first soft sniffle loud and clear like a church bell, just this small, gentle sound that shakes him to his very core, and pulls at him to find you.
“Bunny?” He says, choking up with tears of his own as they stick in his throat, but he knows he doesn’t deserve to cry.
“I’m here.” You say, clearing your throat as he can just imagine you aggressively rubbing the tears out of your eyes. “I’m okay.”
You’re still not being honest but at least ‘okay’ is better than ‘fine’.
“I wish I could come see you, but the schedules are just-”
“I know. Mingi told me.” You interrupt, sounding way more understanding than you have any reason to. “Kind of surprised either of you even had time for a call if I’m being honest.”
“Pretty sure everyone agrees these calls were considered emergencies.” He says and he’s never felt such joy at hearing you chuckle before in his life.
“That bad huh?”
“You have no idea.” He sighs, slumping against the wall he’s been too tense to even lean on before now. “Even Mr Lee was convinced Wooyoung and San would never speak to me again. Not that I blame them.”
“My protectors.” You chuckle, and for the first time Yunho allows himself to feel the sting at the soft spot you have for his brothers.
“Yeah, well-” He clears his throat, almost catching the ice in his voice before you can hear it. “They’re still annoying.”
Another beat of silence and then.
“Yu-yah. Are you jealous?”
“Mm, I am.” He simply says and he can tell he’s caught you off guard the way you immediately drop the teasing. Turns out admitting it to himself was the biggest hurdle and everything else is just a breeze after that.
“Does that bother you?” He asks when all you’ve given him is a hum in return.
“No.” You say, and a tension he didn’t know he held releases. “I kind of like it when you glare at them for touching me.”
“You saying you like riling me up?” He asks and he can’t stop his voice from going lower, something he’s never acknowledged before bubbling up inside him, beckoning to be explored.
“Maybe I’ve always wanted you to do something about it.” You’re back to the teasing but there’s something else in your tone this time, something he’s never heard before, something that sends a jolt of electricity down his spine.
“Have you?”
“Want to find out?” Comes your sultry response and Yunho has to physically stop himself from running out of the building and sprinting to your apartment.
“More than anything.” He groans, dropping his head back into the wall a little harder than necessary, wincing at the pain but at least it allows his head to get a little clearer.
“Are you okay?” You giggle, honest to God giggle, at his plight and he swears he’s never heard anything as beautiful. He wants to bottle the sound and carry it with him to get through every dark moment for the rest of his life.
“Would you believe me if I said yes?” He says, rubbing the back of his head with a pout, doing his best to douse the heat burning inside him.
“Not even a little.” You laugh and the moment of silence that falls between you is like it should be once again, comfortable yet warm. “So, what’s this I hear about a birthday party?”
“Fuck, yes, that! I almost forgot!” Yunho exclaims, and if he puts a little extra flair to the confusion to make you giggle again nobody has to know. “Wooyoung’s turning like 13 this weekend and he’s having a party at his place, and I was hoping you might consider going with me?”
“I always saw him as more of a five-year-old, but I can accept 13.” You say, sounding like you’re making yourself comfortable on your bed, and God Yunho wishes he could be there to join you. But in all fairness, it’s probably for the best that he isn’t.
“Honestly, anything under 15 is fair.” Yunho chuckles, trying his best to drown out the little voice screaming at him that you’re avoiding the question.
“If I go. With you.” You say slowly, almost as if you’re savoring the words. “Would that be considered a date?”
His chest hurts with how fast his heart is beating.
“If you’d like it to be.” He says, doing what he can to not make it sound like he’s putting pressure on you to give you the answer he wants.
“Hm,” You say slowly and even though he knows you’re just enjoying torturing him at this point, he can’t help but find it difficult to breathe. “I think I would actually.”
It takes everything Yunho has not to melts into a puddle right there in the empty studio.
“R-really?” He stammers like the dork you always accuse him of being.
“Yeah.” You let out another giggle and dammit Yunho might just be losing braincells at this rate, the grin on his face so wide that it’s actually starting to hurt. “Do you know what time he’s thinking?”
“Think he said around 19? But I can check with him and get back to you with the details.”
“Okay,” You say, sounding like you’re going through your mental calendar. “Cause Innie has a thing and I’m covering his closing shift, so I probably can’t be there until like 20:30 at the earliest if I’m going to go home and take a shower first.”
“That’s okay,” Yunho hurries as if you’re going to back out if he doesn’t get the words out quickly. “You could come at midnight and Wooyoung would still be thrilled, be sure to text him happy birthday before that though or he’ll never stop sulking.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not that stupid.” Your sass is back, and Yunho pushes down the immediate urge to let you know that you are in fact not stupid at all. He knows you won’t listen. Not right now anyways.
“But hey,” He continues when the idea comes to him. “If you want you can shower and change at my place, it’s just a couple of floors away and you don’t have to kill yourself rushing around the city on a Saturday night by yourself.”
“Aw, you do care about me.” You tease only for Yunho’s sincere reply to make something bubble up inside you.
“Yes, I do, Bunny.”
What follows is a couple of moments of silence but from the rustling and quiet thumping Yunho’s brain is flooded with images of you kicking your feet on the bed and he just might drop dead right there.
“That sounds good actually.” You come back with once you’ve regained control of yourself, clearing your throat as if this whole thing is a completely normal conversation for you two to be having. “The using your place thing, I mean. If you’re okay with it?”
“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.” Yunho chuckles.
“And…” You take a breath to steady yourself. “Will you be there?”
“At the… party?” He asks confused and he’s glad he didn’t chuckle at this one because you sound so cute and almost like you’re pouting when you clarify.
“At the apartment while I shower.”
“Oh…” If he thought he was warm before, Yunho’s positively burning now and he’s sure one would be able to cook an egg on his face with how hot blistering hot it feels. “Um, I was thinking I’d be at Woo’s to give you space and some time to disconnect from work, but if you want me to, I can definitely-”
“No, no, it’s okay. I-I appreciate that actually.” You say, heaving what sounds like a breath of relief, and in this moment, you seem so vulnerable that all Yunho wants to do is reassure you, but he knows that’s a sure-fire way to get you to clam back up. “Just needed to know what the plan was.”
“Bunny.” Yunho does chuckle now but in the way that he knows you find sweet and not teasing. “I’m going to do this the right way, not fuck you in my shower the first chance I get like some douchebag who doesn’t deserve you.”
“But you want to… Right?” There’s only a hint of the teasing from before in your voice, something far more vulnerable and fragile in the tone of it that makes Yunho want to pull you close and kiss your forehead.
“Fuck yes, I do.” He says, not even needing to think about his words before they come tumbling out and he has to force himself to not grab hold of any of the images flying through his head to get a better look at them, or he won’t be able to get back to work any time soon.
“Good.” You simply say, but he can hear the smile in your voice, and it makes his heart all soft and fuzzy. “That’s all I needed to know.”
“So, you and I. We’re good?” He asks, his own smile so wide his jaw’s aching.
“We’re good. So, you can tell the boys they can stop sending me offers to murder you now, Jongho seriously needs to chill with his imagination cause fuck that boy goes dark.”
“I will.” Yunho laughs, not in the least bit surprised Ateez was close to becoming a seven-member group.
Maybe if he’s good, you’ll let him read the offers after the party.
It’s Saturday, finally.
The closing shift has been a good, if stressful, one.
After locking up and waving Weeyon and her boyfriend goodnight, you’re grateful for Yunho’s offer of his shower because you’re sweaty and absolutely reek of coffee as you start making your way to the boys’ apartment building.
This close to December the night air is cold and dry and you burrow your face deeper into the collar of your jacket as you walk, wishing you’d brought the scarf Yunho had bought you last Christmas when he got fed up with you shivering all the goddamn time.
You send him a quick text before you shove your hands back in your pockets to protect them from the cold.
You wouldn’t be surprised if it starts snowing any day now.
The music in your headphones cuts off with an incoming call and you answer immediately, not needing to look to see who it is.
“Hey.” You say, unable to stop yourself from smiling when you hear his chuckle.
“You doing okay?” He asks, the muted sound of music playing in the background letting you know he’s slipped away from the party into another room for the call.
“I’m good, just left the shop so I’m heading your way now.” You say as if that wasn’t apparent from the message you sent but knowing Yunho he probably got the notification and called you immediately without even reading it.
“That’s good.” He says and you think you hear the sound of a door closing so he’s either in the bathroom or Wooyoung’s bedroom. “Are you sure you don’t want me to meet you halfway? I don’t like you walking alone at night.”
“It’s not even that late, Yu-yah.” You chuckle, cheeks warming at his concern. “But if I see any serial killers I promise to tell them I have a party to go to and I can’t be late, okay?”
“Bun-” Yunho starts before cutting himself off with a heavy sigh, the annoyance in it making you laugh. “Please don’t say stuff like that when I’m not with you.”
“You want to protect me, puppy?” You tease and the strangled sound he lets out in response leaves something stirring inside you and suddenly you’re not so cold anymore.
“Don’t do that, Bunny.” He says in a voice that sends shivers down your spine and you’re sure he can hear your own intake of breath over the phone in response.
“Why? You don’t like your new nickname?” You say with a mock-innocence that you can only imagine the consequences for, if you were standing in front of him.
“You know what, I think I should meet you on the way.” He responds, half-way nonchalant with a dangerous undertone. “Sounds like you’re in the mood for attracting trouble tonight.”
“And what are you then? Trouble or protection?”
You’re playing with fire, and you want more of it.
“Sure you’re brave enough to find out?”
You can’t help the giggle that leaves your lips, the one that Yunho has become obsessed with since he first heard it earlier in the week, and you can feel the tension over the call.
“You can meet me outside if you want.” You tease, changing the subject before your legs go too weak to walk. “I’m there in like ten minutes and something tells me you could use some cooling off.”
“Fucking menace.” He mutters under his breath and your soul decides to reward him for it with another giggle and you swear you can hear him melt over the phone. “Fine, I’ll see you in a bit. Please just… be careful, okay?”
“Promise.”
The hug you receive when you walk into his arms could end wars.
It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. No more hints of awkwardness lingering between you. No more overthinking how long is too long for a hug. No more stiffness of necks since relaxing would run the risk of lips and noses ending up somewhere far too intimate. No more minute hesitation before you let your hands settle on the other.
No, this hug is the most intimate you’ve ever shared.
His hands are warm and heavy as they settle on your body. His arms wrap around you with a certainty that was never there before, and you’ve never wanted to fall asleep in them as much as you do in this moment. Your head is comfortably resting on his shoulder, for once not caring about whether your breath hits his neck or if your lips linger against his skin. Your hands have daringly placed themselves at the small of his back, just shy of his butt, and for once you don’t care if he can feel how fast your heart beats against him.
“Take it you didn’t meet any serial killers?” Yunho all but whispers, his breath making clouds in the cold air as he hugs you tighter to protect you against the chill. As if the relaxed air between you isn’t warming you up enough as it is.
“Nope,” You giggle that embarrassing giggle again and allow yourself to nuzzle into his neck. “Made it all the way here all by my lonesome without my big bad puppy to protect me.”
You swear to God, the sound he lets out is as close to a human growl you’ve ever heard, and you know he can feel you shivering against him when he squeezes you tighter.
“You sure you want to keep going with that name, Bunny?” He asks and the way he makes your nickname feel so beautifully condescending, silently asking if you should really mock his puppy nature when you’re the personification of a temperamental bunny, is wreaking havoc on your insides.
“Pretty sure I should be having that shower.” You change the topic once more, cutting through the tension that for once isn’t uncomfortable or pressured, and Yunho easily follows your lead.
“Of course.” He says, almost like he’s flipped a switch and is back to your sweet, considerate Yunho: the epitome of a gentleman. “Come on, let’s get you inside and warmed up.”
“Well, this is me.” Yunho says, showing you inside his apartment, letting you enter first.
“I’ve been here before, you know.” You chuckle but the hand at the small of your back makes this time feel like so much more, and you’re not exactly complaining.
“Well, yeah, but things are… different now.” He says and even before he turns the lights on you can see the blush burning his ears.
“Have I told you you’re adorable lately?” You ask, hand moving on its own to cup his flaming face, thumb caressing the apple of his cheek that’s exaggerated by his shy smile.
“I- Thank you.” He mumbles and he’s so cute it makes you want to bully him.
“So sweet too.” You actually pinch his cheek, not hard but enough for his face to turn an even darker shade of red, and when he grips your wrist as a result you can’t help but shiver.
“You really enjoy this push and pull, don’t you?” He asks, thumb gently rubbing your wrist in his hold in a way that makes the tension between you feel a little less charged, more caring, but the feel of his hand around you really hammers home your size difference, leaving you staring up at him.
You’ve been aware of it of course, but it’s never felt like this before. It’s like you’re seeing him for the first time, taking in just how tall he is, how broad he is compared to you, the way his hands absolutely dwarf yours, how easily he could overpower you if he wanted…
“You know me,” You shrug as if you’re completely unaffected by the whole thing even though you’re finding it hard not to drool. “I’m a line pusher.”
“Mm, I do know.” He says with a grin, more pure than anything else, as he pulls your hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. “Just didn’t think it would translate to flirting.”
“Well, that’s your mistake, isn’t it?” You grin cheekily, pulling your wrist with his hand still attached to it back towards you to press a little kiss to his fingers too, and the way he sputters is just too adorable for you not to laugh at.
“So,” He says, averting his eyes and clearing his throat, and you find it so sweet how he can be so confident one moment but with one little touch of affection he completely breaks down blushing. “Let’s get you that shower, shall we?”
“Sounds good.” You say, allowing him some reprieve even though pushing and teasing him is the most fun you’ve had in a long time. “Do you have a towel I can borrow?”
“Yeah, I already put it in the bathroom for you. I forgot to ask if you were bringing your own stuff, but feel free to use anything in there if you want.” He says, opening the bathroom door for you in a way that feels almost awkwardly gentlemanly.
“Sure you don’t just want me to smell like you?” You tease, but gently this time, a soft reminder that he doesn’t have to be nervous around you.
“I mean, I definitely wouldn’t mind.” He chuckles and you can’t help reaching out to take his hand in yours, giving it a little squeeze.
“And it’s not like it’d be the first time.”
“No, I know.” He gives you a little smile that makes him look adorably boyish. “It’s just different now.”
“Yeah.” You admit, smiling back at him. “So, are you heading back downstairs or?”
“If you still want me to?”
“There’s no point in you waiting around up here, go have fun and I’ll join you in a bit.” You say, looking up at him as you put your bag down and get your change of clothes out.
“You sure?” He asks, not pushy but just making sure you don’t feel like he’s abandoning you for a party.
“Positive.” You say, reaching up to press a light kiss to his cheek before shooing him away. “Now go tell the birthday boy I’ll be down in a bit, can’t have him sulking on his special day.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m pretty sure he’ll sulk over you one way or another.” He chuckles with a roll of his eyes as he heads towards the door. “Call if you need anything.”
“Just go, you dork.”
You swear you’re never leaving this shower. Fuck, you might just be in love with it.
The water pressure if the kind that you might actually commit a crime to get for yourself, and the temperature is hot enough to scald and in comparison to the sorta-kinda-maybe hot water at your place, this is like jumping into a pool of lava.
You have no idea how long you stand under the spray but when you can’t justify ditching the party any further, you reach for some of Yunho’s body wash and quickly clean yourself before you can regret the adult decision to get out.
You, and the bathroom, smell like your best friend-turned…more, and you will forever deny the way you sniff the air and your skin with a lovesick grin on your lips. For some reason Yunho does smell better, but it’s close enough to scratch the itch for him even though he’s only a couple of floors away.
You decide to leave your hair wet because who cares and get dressed. You haven’t completely forgone your personal style in favor of the party, but you have chosen the few things in your closet that could pass for a relaxed house party outfit, and not completely looking like you’re heading for a dance class.
Cargo pants (should you get other types of pants? Probably but nah) but they’re not as big as usual, tighter over your hips and less baggy which honestly makes you feel sexier than you normally do. The shirt is the biggest shift though. It’s long-sleeved and not oversized at all. In fact, it can even be considered tight and shows off the shapes of your body that you never really show anyone unless you’re at a pool or tumbling into bed with someone.
It’s barely any effort put into your looks, but you do look good, relaxed but still elevated, and you’re about to exit the bathroom when you hear a soft knock on the door.
“Yunho, I told you to go downstairs, I’m fine.” You say, rolling your eyes as you open the door, only to come face to face with a woman you’ve never met before.
“Not Yunho.” She says simply, a friendly smile on her lips as she watches you.
“I can see that.” You respond, staring back at her in question. “Um, so… Who are you exactly?”
“Oh, yeah, sorry!” She laughs, reaching out a perfectly manicured hand as she tells you her name, and it clicks in your mind.
“Oh, you’re Hongjoong’s girl?” You say, watching the proud, almost giddy, look on her face at your words.
“Yep, that’s me.”
“Sorry, I didn’t want to make it sound like you’re just someone’s girl, I just-” You start but she cuts you off with a gentle wave of her hand.
“Oh please, it’s a point of pride for me. I know a lot of people don’t like that stuff, but I’m not one of them.”
“That’s good.” You say, glad you haven’t offended her but still confused about her presence. “Um, I’m Bunny by the way.”
“I know, the boys have told me all about you.” She smiles at you widely and heat is licking at your ears at the attention. “I have to ask, why do they call you Bunny? Joongie says he doesn’t know, and Yunho just giggled when I asked him.”
“That’s because he’s a child and he’s the one who came up with it when we were kids. We met in a hip-hop class. Hop equals Bunny... I guess. The rest is history.” You sigh with a roll of your eyes. “Well, that and according to both him and Mingi, I have the temperament of an angry rabbit, so…”
“God, that’s adorable.” Your new friend, you guess that’s what she is now, chuckles. “I love that.”
“So… not to be rude but did you need something from me or…” You start, really not trying to step on her toes but she’s in Yunho’s apartment alone with you so what’s the deal?
“Oh, god, yeah, I completely forgot!” She laughs at herself, and you get the feeling that she might just be the teensiest bit tipsy, or she’s just this cute in general, who knows? “I come bearing gifts from your boyfriend.”
Before you can even begin to protest that he’s not your boyfriend, not officially at least, she continues.
“He thought it was unfair that everyone’s already a couple of drinks in and you just got here, so he asked me to bring you something. He said you don’t need to drink it, but it’s on the coffee table if you want it.”
“Oh,” You say, unable to stop the heat from rushing to your face and neck, the gesture making your insides all fuzzy. “That’s sweet of him.”
“I know right?” The other woman grins at the starry look in your eyes. “He’s nuts about you, you know?”
You don’t know what to say to that so you just give her a bashful smile that feels so foreign on your face that you can’t believe this whole thing is actually real.
“Anyways, I’ll leave you to it. See you down there!” Your new friend says with a wave before she walks away, leaving you somewhat stunned and blinking, wondering what the fuck just happened.
You’re not one for wearing makeup in general, hating the way it makes you feel claustrophobic, and your habit of rubbing and touching your face has made the few times you’ve tried failures with you ending up in the bathroom scrubbing everything away because you were so uncomfortable. So, because of this you’re foregoing everything.
Apart from the lip balm.
Partly because it’s a little something extra to add to an otherwise somewhat plain look, but also because the warm scent of the vanilla calms you whenever you need it.
And tonight, you’re going to need it.
Not because you’re nervous per se, even though it’s your first time meeting with significant others and friends of the boys and that’s enough to make you a little bit uncomfortable. But because this is the first time you’ve been somewhere with Yunho where you’re not "just friends".
You haven’t put a label on what you are, but at least this time you know you’re not delusional. This is a date. There is something between you and he’s said so himself.
You put your lips balm on, take one last look at yourself in the mirror and gather your things before you head out to the living room to put everything back in your bag.
On the coffee table, next to Yunho’s customized twin Playstation controllers, is your favorite drink with a little note beside it that says Drink Me :P. It appears to have been taped to the glass but the condensation has made it fall off, and you can’t help that awful giggle making its way out of you once again at the thought of Yunho in Wooyoung’s kitchen scribbling an Alice in Wonderland reference on a note and running around to find tape to stick it on.
He really is too sweet for his own good, you think as you pocket the note, careful since it’s a little damp, and take a swig of the drink. He’s always been good at remembering details about you and even though him remembering your favorite thing to drink at a party isn’t odd for him, you’re still flattered at the gesture.
You grab your keys and slip into your shoes before you leave the apartment, locking and double checking the door just in case before you head downstairs with the keys in your pocket and the drink in your hand.
The party is in full swing when you walk through the door, let in by Wooyoung who immediately attaches himself to you with his arms around your neck and a sloppy kiss to your cheek.
“You made it!” He all but screams with a grin on his face, a big sash draped over him with the words Birthday Girl written in cursive on it and a plastic tiara stuck to his head with a mountain of bobby pins that you’re sure would be hurting him if he was wasn’t drunk.
“I did.” You smile, giving him a proper hug that makes him giggle excitedly in your ear. “Happy birthday, Youngie-ah.”
Your present consisting of a gift card for free coffee for a week has nothing on the way Wooyoung absolutely lights up and starts jumping around with you still in his arms at the nickname.
“Did you all hear that?!” He screams over the music and a few people watch the two of you, laughing and even with a few scattered cheers. “My Bunny loves me!”
“’Your’ Bunny?” You can’t help but join the laughter, regarding him as if planning on scolding him but it’s all too clear you’re finding him too amusing.
“It’s my birthday.” He says resolutely, amusingly serious when he looks into your eyes and squeezing you tighter. “You’re mine until midnight.”
“You’re hopeless.” You laugh as he snuggles into you, at least somewhat careful about not poking you with his tiara.
“Yep,” He responds with the biggest brattiest grin you’ve ever seen. “And proud of it! Now excuse me while I go make Sannie jealous that he’s not the only one with a nickname. Have fun!”
And like that he bounces off into the apartment, calling for San at a volume that works to convince you that these apartment units are all but soundproofed, because if not, it’s a miracle someone hasn’t shut the whole shindig down already.
You take another swig of your drink and head off to find Yunho. You say hello to Yeosang and Jongho when you pass them on the couch in the living room, and wave at Hongjoong and his girl who stand in the kitchen talking to Seonghwa and another woman who you suspect might just be the latter’s partner, but you don’t stop to ask as you continue your search for Yunho.
You eventually find him on the partially glazed balcony, a half-finished beer in his hand as he talks to a man smoking a cigarette. Part of you feels like you’re intruding so you hang back a little to let them finish their conversation, admiring Yunho’s broad back from where you’re standing, and nursing your drink.
Normally the situation would make you feel out of place, but in this moment you’re content with waiting your turn. The man’s cigarette is almost finished and from the sounds of the conversation you can tell they’re both aware and in the beginning stages of wrapping it up, the whole thing relaxed and casual, and you find yourself wondering how they know each other.
It doesn’t take long for the man to finish his cigarette after that and after stubbing it out in the little ashtray on the table, he claps Yunho on the shoulder and heads back inside.
He doesn’t look that familiar as he passes you but sends you a polite nod regardless and you respond in kind, before you turn your attention back to Yunho.
You walk out onto the balcony but don’t say anything yet, simply settle into the empty space beside him, just close enough that you’re barely touching and lean against the railing in silence.
Your presence alerts him and he’s about to greet the new occupant of the balcony when he catches the scent of his own body wash under the lingering smell of cigarette smoke.
“Hi.” You simply say, leaning against him fully now with a smile on your face when a grin splits his own at the sight of you.
“Have I ever told you, you clean up well?” He says, tone teasing but light as if he’s unable to fully commit to it and you can’t say you mind.
“Given that I rarely do, probably not.” You shoot back, bumping your hip against him and you’re rewarded with a chuckle.
“Well, do you.” He says, shifting so he’s standing behind you as an arm moves to place itself around your waist.
It’s not tentative, not exactly, but it’s clear he’s testing the waters, especially at a party where anyone can walk out and see you, but you instinctively know it’s for your benefit, not his.
Yunho and Mingi have both been clear from the beginning of their idol journey that they’ve never minded being seen with you, or being physical with you in front of others, something that you’ve always been grateful for, so for him to be conscious of it now is truly only because he’s worried about your reaction and no one else’s.
“You smell good.” He mumbles against your hair as he presses a soft kiss into it, his arm giving you a little squeeze that has any nerves residing in you vanishing.
“You mean I smell like you.” You tease but he shakes his head, breathing you in properly in a move that has goosebumps racing down your arms.
“No. I mean, kind of, but you still smell like you. Like you’re you wrapped up in me.”
“Just how drunk are you?” You laugh only to receive a grumpy little huff in return.
“Don’t mock me.” He says, pulling you closer to him and even if you wanted to, you can’t deny the little gasp that leaves you at the move. “I’m feeling things over here.”
“Alright, big guy.” You humor him with a light chuckle, one of your hands coming to rest on the arm at your waist, fingers mindlessly caressing his skin. “What do I smell like then?”
“Coffee.”
“Fuck you, I took a shower so I didn't have to smell like coffee.” You groan, making a weak imitation of trying to pull away from him, only to be squeezed even tighter against him with his lips now far too close to your ear.
“I like it though.” He says and you know he can feel you shivering against him by the low chuckle he lets out. “It always makes me relax because whenever I smell it, I know you’re close by.”
“Really?” You can’t help but ask, tone far too vulnerable for your liking but you can always blame the alcohol (even though you’ve barely even had one full drink).
“Mhm.” He breathes, swaying against you in a move that feels more intimate than anything you’ve ever shared before. “Lets me know you’re safe.”
“Man, you must really like me, huh?” You joke despite yourself, the loving tension a little too much for your nerves this sober, but Yunho doesn’t seem to take it to heart.
“I do actually.” He chuckles, loosening his hold on you as if sensing the hint of tension in your body at the vulnerability between you. “Like a lot.”
“Dork.” You give his stomach probably the softest elbow you’ve ever given, barely even touching him, but that and the silent confession in your voice lets him know everything he needs to.
He presses one last kiss to your hair before he pulls back almost completely, leaving only his hand on your hip as an anchor, for which you’re grateful. You don’t think you could handle losing all physical contact with him right now, and Yunho somehow knows this.
Because of course he does.
You head back inside after that, grabbing more drinks from the fridge, before you join some of the others in the living room.
Yunho follows your lead, allowing you to set the pace and decide what level of physical affection is comfortable for you, and even though part of you screams that you want to plant yourself on his lap and never let go, you end up next to each other on the floor when it comes time for drinking games.
Even though you’re not terrible at drinking games or at drinking, Yunho appoints himself as your Black knight on a couple of occasions, just to make sure you’re still having a good time, but overall neither of you lose that much and are able to stay fairly unaffected at the end of the more intense games.
“You okay?” He asks when you eventually stand up, holding out his hand in case you lose your balance but you’re steady on your feet.
“Yeah, I’m good.” You say, your face only a little heated while San looks about ready to pass out on the couch next to Wooyoung and some girl who the latter introduced earlier as a friend. “Bathroom break.”
Even though the place is pretty big, it doesn’t take you long to find the bathroom but once you’re in there you take your time. There’s another bathroom (oh how the other half lives!) so it’s not like you’re keeping anyone waiting.
You’re no stranger to loud surroundings but after a full day at work it’s easy to get overstimulated, and you’ll take the calm and, at least kind of, quiet where you can get it.
You try to cool yourself down a bit, running cold water over your wrists and hands, patting your face with a wet tissue, and fix your hair in the mirror. You consider drinking some water from the tap but decide to go to the kitchen and get a glass like normal people would before you head back into the living room to rejoin the games.
Once in the kitchen you get roped into a discussion with a pretty drunk Seonghwa and his way less drunk girlfriend about which order of watching the Star Wars movies is the right one, and given that you don’t really have an opinion you end up becoming the judge of the debate.
“She’s a neutral party.” Seonghwa drawls, pointing at his girlfriend who can do nothing but smile lovingly at her nerd of a boyfriend, even though she (judging by the discussion itself) is just as big of a nerd if not bigger.
“She has a man to get back to.” She tries to convince him, but Seonghwa is hearing none of it, fully dialed into making you realize that his opinion is the correct one.
It takes almost 20 minutes before you manage to wiggle your way out of the conversation without having to make a decision, the girl who’s name appears to be Nova ending up pulling her boyfriend into a full on make out session in order to shut him up, sending you a wink to let you know the coast is clear to leave.
Before tonight you never would have considered Star Wars discussions foreplay, but you really do learn something new every day. And it’s not like you can judge; your own version of foreplay is probably even odder for most people.
When you finally get back into the living room it appears that the games are over and people have moved into their own little groups across the room, talking, laughing and/or dancing.
Yunho is standing along the wall by the door to the kitchen, so he doesn’t see you enter the room. Normally he would have seen you in his peripheral but the hair covering his eyes have gotten longer, and he’s focused on Wooyoung’s friend who stands in front of him.
You’re about to walk over to them when you see her stand on her tippy toes and covers her mouth from your sight as she says something into his ear. She could be whispering, or she could be speaking at a normal volume, but the music is loud, and you can’t hear anything she says.
The only thing you can do is watch Yunho’s body tensing as he does a quick little sweep of the room, the hair in his eyes making him miss you completely, before he grabs a hold of the girl’s hand and pulls her away from the crowd, crossing the living room and going into Wooyoung’s bedroom, closing the door behind them.
You take a look around the room. No one has seen what just happened.
Apart from one person.
Hongjoong’s girl is sitting in one of the armchairs, her eyes filled with something that looks akin to pity, and for a moment you fear she’s going to come over but the weight of her boyfriend plopping himself down on her lap stops her from moving, leaving you to your own thoughts.
They’re ugly.
Hot.
The kind of thoughts that make your hands itch to destroy. To tear. To grip and never let go.
He’s yours.
He’s supposed to be yours.
You throw a glance at Wooyoung who’s completely lost to the world as he’s trying to secure his tiara on a sleeping San’s head without waking him, and realizing you’re not going to cause a scene at his birthday party, you put your glass of water down and leave the apartment.
When Yunho leaves Wooyoung’s bedroom his face is flushed and his hands are shaky, and the only thing he wants is to go find you and hold you in his arms.
But the second he takes one step out of the room he’s confronted by the fuming girlfriend of his captain, and if he thought Hongjoong was scary when angry, he’s just met his match.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She asks him, arms crossed over her chest and for some reason Yunho gets the feeling they’re there solely for the purpose of keeping her clawed hands away from his face.
“I’m sorry?”
“You should be.” She says, a cold, deep fury in her eyes that he can’t say he’s ever seen before, and he closes the bedroom door behind him as subtly as possible. “Cause that wasn’t Bunny with you in there, was it?”
Yunho’s heart is picking up speed. He was so sure no one had seen.
“Look, it’s not what you think-”
“For your sake I hope it isn’t,” She interrupts him but before he can get annoyed by it her next words send ice through his veins. “Because I’m not the only one who saw you sneak in there.”
“Bunny…”
He’s lightheaded. It’s hard to breathe.
Fuck.
“Did she see?” He asks and he swears he almost passes out when the woman in front of him nods her head.
“And she left. If you have any luck, she’s at your place still getting her stuff, but she looked ready to kill, so I’d start working on that explanation if I were you.”
She’s barely gotten the words out before he moves, not even bothering with his shoes as he throws himself out of the apartment and rushes up the stairs, not daring to spare the time waiting for the elevator.
Not like this.
He can’t lose you over this.
He just got you.
His door is unlocked, and he hopes to God you’re still there even though he’s ready to run the whole way to your place in just his socks.
He can barely hear the rush of water from the bathroom over the furious beating of his heart, but it’s there.
You’re still there.
Your eyes when you walk out and see him standing there could melt glaciers, but you don’t speak. You don’t scream. You don’t attack.
You just… stare.
“Bunny-” He takes a gasping breath, having forgotten to breathe, and says your real name. “I promise I can explain what you saw.”
“Go ahead.” You say, folding your arms across your chest, but there’s something in your voice that he’s not expecting.
You’re not detached, like after he fucked up last week.
You seem heated. Angry. Pissed off.
And for some reason it’s throwing him off.
“Okay, I realize what it must have looked like, but I promise nothing happened.”
“That’s not an explanation.” You say, nails digging into your arms as if you’re keeping yourself from physically attacking him, teeth gritted.
“No. No, you’re right, it’s not. I’m- Fuck.” He speed-runs the situation in his head, panicking when he realizes there’s no way he can make you understand without screwing the girl over. “I- I can’t actually explain it, it’s not my place but I can promise you that I did nothing with that girl. On my mother, I didn’t do anything!”
He’s so stressed he barely sees you move. Doesn’t even realize you’re in front of him until your hand grabs hold of his hair and angles his head down to face you, pain stinging his scalp and not helping his vision from blurring with tears.
“Who do you belong to?” You whisper, staring into his shocked eyes, no anger on your features but an intensity he hasn’t seen before.
“W-what?” He stammers, blinking the tears away, a soft gasp leaving his lips when your grip eases and your other hand comes to rest over his panicked heart.
“Who do you belong to, Yu-yah? I need to hear you say it.”
“You.” He whispers, voice going on him as he stares at you like you’ve just stolen the air from his lungs. “I belong to you.”
The smile that blooms on your face is like the calm after a storm or the first ray of sunshine after the rain, and something in his heart settles at the sight as you ease his head down to rest his forehead against yours.
“Did you really think, after all that shit you went through to get me to forgive you, I’d ever believe you went and fucked someone at a party you invited me to?”
“You-” Yunho swears he’s about to start sobbing. “You didn’t?”
“You’re not that kind of guy, puppy.” You whisper, stroking his hair as you help his pulse start to return to normal. “Not in a million years.”
“Then why-”
“Why did I leave?” You ask, leaning back a little, unable to stop the smirk at the whimper that leaves him at the loss of contact. “Because I wanted to tear that girl's face off and I didn’t think anyone would have been a fan of that, least of all Wooyoung.”
“You were jealous?” He asks, not knowing why he’s shocked but go easy on him, it’s been one hell of a week.
“Mhm.” You nod, caressing his hair and pulling him closer to where your whole bodies are touching. “Because you’re mine now. And I don’t share.”
“I didn’t do anything with her.” Yunho whispers, not knowing why he’s trying to convince you when you’ve clearly dropped the issue.
“I know, puppy.” You whisper, leaning up to kiss his neck, unable to stop the hunger still burning inside you. “You’re my good boy.”
He can’t help it.
The nickname. The kissing. The adrenaline.
He’s growing hard against you, and he knows you can feel it.
“What did I tell you about using that name?” He asks, his tone low as his arms snake around your waist, smirking when he feels the shiver going through your body.
“Don’t remember.” You say, staring into his eyes with a challenge he could never refuse. “Remind me?”
“Bunny,” He whispers, one of his hands grabbing the back of your neck to pull you back from him, not missing the way your eyelashes flutter at the decisive touch. “Does jealousy turn you on?”
“What was your first clue?” You grin, honest to God grin, up at him like the cat that ate the canary, and he twitches against your stomach.
“So, if anyone would have put their arm around me tonight when you were next to me. What would you have done?”
“I would have fucked you in front of them. Showed them that the only one who gets to be yours, is me.”
“You’re a little crazy, did you know that?” He asks, leaning down to press a soft kiss below your ear, almost coming in his pants at the breathy moan you reward him with.
“Oh yeah.” You giggle that giggle that makes him all weak inside as you start pulling him with you towards his bedroom. “Did you just figure that out?”
“Just making sure.” He says, voice turning soft when he realizes where you’re going. “Bunny, are you sure about this? You’ve been drinking.”
“So have you.” You say, dropping the teasing and staring up at him, looking far more sober than before. “We don’t have to do anything. I realize that got… maybe a little too intense.”
“I’m good.” He says, reaching up to stroke your hair, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “Just wanted to make sure we didn’t take this too fast.”
You look at him.
Really look at him.
He’s so sincere. So soft and open and so completely in love with you that it makes your eyes water.
He lets you pull him into you, feels your hands shaking slightly as they caress his back, hears the shaky breath you release as a tear makes its way down your face.
“I love you, Yunho.” You say, staring into his eyes like you’re on a tight-rope and you’re begging him not to let you fall.
genre: fluff, heavily suggestive at the end, non-idol au, college au, childhood friends to lovers, penpals to friends to lovers, unrequited love that is actually requited, reader is an exchange student at jongho's university, ateez are volleyball players, i know nothing about volleyball, mentions of virgin jongho at the end, first love kind of thing
wc: 8.5k
summary: you and jongho met as children during a letter writing project. years later, you get the chance to meet in person because of a study exchange but you are determined to keep your feelings a secret - after all, how do you tell your best friend you’re in love with him?
a/n: this is my contribution to the alive live collab hosted by @sungbeam! it was such a fun collab where I got to speak and write with such amazing mutuals, ily all ❤️❤️❤️ the last scene of this fic actually took me ages to write, it just wouldn't come together like i wanted, so the nsfw scene has been taken out potentially to be posted as a side fic in the future when the idea is coperating with me 😭😭 i hope you like it anyways!!
thank you to @xomakara for the banner. i legit never make banners for my fics so thank u so much bby <3
masterlist // requests: open
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To my new friend,
My name is ----. I am 8 years old. I live in England. I like to write stories.
What is your name? I don’t know a lot about South Korea. Where do you live? What do you like to do?
I look forward to your reply.
From,
Your new friend
-
It started because of a school project.
Your Year 3 teacher was friends with someone who taught abroad and they came up with a writing unit that involved sending letters to people hours away in South Korea. You wouldn’t say you were excited about it but you definitely thought it was cool. Countries in Asia felt so far away from where you were right now and the idea that you could communicate with one without the use of technology sounded wonderfully archaic (you’d just learnt that word and used it obnoxiously when you had the chance).
So you wrote your initial letter using the writing frame your teacher gave you. You shared your name, your age, your home town, and your favourite hobby. You asked about Korea, about where they lived, to share something in Korean that you could practice reading or speaking (you didn’t know at the time how different hangul looked from English and that it would take some effort to be able to read it).
You didn’t know that your letter being selected by one person would change so much of your life.
-
To ---
Thank you for your letter.
My name is Jongho. I am 8 years old. I live in Goyang. I like to sing.
Goyang is very pretty. I like the lake here. What is England like? My teacher says it rains.
What do you write?
I wait for your reply.
From,
Jongho
-
You only shared a handful of letters before the writing project came to an end. You remembered holding your opened letters in your hand and frowning at your teacher as you asked, “does that mean I can’t speak to Jongho anymore?”
She’d smiled, happy that you seemed to have made a new friend, and assured you that you could keep communication - “just ask your parents permission to share your home address,” she advised.
Your parents, who had heard you excitedly speak about Jongho since you received the first letter, had smiled with amusement and agreed. They helped you write it down at the bottom of your next letter. You took your time to make sure each letter was clearly written so Jongho wouldn’t get confused and send it to the wrong place.
Two weeks later, a new letter with Korean postal stamps landed on your doormat and, you supposed, that was really the beginning.
Some of your hometown friends kept writing to their penpal but eventually, physical distance became too much. There were bigger worries, the kind that plague the mind of pre-teens, and then the problems of those teenagers that feel like the end of the world.
You had those too, of course.
You worried about whether the pimples on your nose were too obvious and whether your breasts were growing in appropriately because Sabrina already was already a DD while you were barely fitting a B cup. You dated the greasy boys that attended your school and cried into the lap of your friend, Hana, when they inevitably broke your heart.
You held Hana when the same thing happened and punched her girlfriend in the face when she spread a rumour that your friend wore granny panties (because those were incredible embarrassments in secondary school).
You didn’t tell everything to Jongho but you did tell him a lot. Once you hit 13, you became more aware that he was a boy and you were a girl, even if you’d known each other since before that mattered. When you got your first phone at eleven, you’d carefully written your number at the bottom of the page so he could text you. It was only later, when your mum raged at you about the phone bill, that you realised that probably wasn’t as viable as you had originally thought it was.
You didn’t speak in letters any more but you spoke every day on Kakao, which took a lot of translation apps to figure out how to set up an account.
I really need to learn Korean, you told him.
I can teach you, Jongho promised.
You sent each other videos and photos when you were fourteen. You’d sent him a version of yourself you considered perfect, made up with the appropriate lighting. You blushed when he called you pretty. The first selfie Jongho sent you was similar to yours - head angled up to get the right part of jaw, lips pressed together, eyes focused on the image on his phone screen. He was handsome, you’d known that, but you remembered the moment that you thought you actually liked him.
It was snowing in Seoul and he was trying to show you it. He’d spun the camera around his head, giggling his delight. He was bundled up in a massive ski jacket, hood pulled over his head. His eyes were sparkling in reflected light and his cheeks were burnt pink from the brutal winds that came in winter. You’d screenshotted it without even thinking and found yourself, embarrassingly, gazing at the secret photo while your heart beat in your throat.
You didn’t tell him of course, you couldn’t - that was embarrassing.
You didn’t know whether the rules for dating in Korea were the same in England but you knew you couldn’t bear the thought of doing something to ruin this relationship. It was important to you, more so than anything in your life.
I like talking to you, Jongho admitted.
I like talking to you too, you had replied, and then quickly added, even if you tell terrible jokes.
Hana would tease you about your international boyfriend, and you would blush and deny it vehemently. She was the only one that knew though you wished it were true.
“You’re my dream couple,” Hana had joked once. “I ship you.”
You’d groaned and shoved her off the bed in retaliation, even as your cheeks burned and your mind jumped in a hopeful dance.
-
Jongho was pretty sure that he was in love with you by the time he was sixteen.
There wasn’t any big moment or any one thing that truly made him realise. It just was. You were an important part of his life in a way no one else was. You were the first person he messaged when he woke up and the last before he went to sleep. When he ate new food, he’d think about whether you’d like it. When he listened to music, you were the first person he would recommend it to.
His eomma would always get this knowing look on her face when he brought you up. “Oh, she’d like this?” she’d say as if it were the funniest thing he’d ever said.
His appa had taken to calling you that ‘sweet foreign girl’. “Are you going to show that sweet foreign girl?” he’d ask whenever he took a photo. “Make sure you tell her the history, it’s important.”
There had been a girl that lived down the street from him during high school. Peonghwa. She was sweet, he recalled. She would always wait for him on the corner so they could walk to school together. She kissed him once before she’d darted away into her house, and Jongho remembered this sickening feeling that he’d done something wrong.
“Peonghwa-ah kissed me,” he told his eomma.
She hesitated for a moment before humming. “Okay. She’s a good girl.”
“She is,” Jongho agreed.
Eomma eyed him closely. “Did you want her to kiss you?”
He thought about his answer for a moment, debating the curling discomfort in his stomach. “No.”
Eomma pushed. “Because it’s her? Or because you’re thinking of someone else?”
Your face came to mind immediately. You updated your kakao profile picture constantly and he was greedy in how he took them in. The one you had up now was cute - you’d dressed up as a witch for some halloween party. You were all in black with your hair pulled into pigtails. You’d scrunched your nose up as you grinned into the camera.
Jongho had never lied to his eomma and he wasn’t able to start now. “Someone else.”
He’d let Peonghwa down the next day. He told her politely that he was flattered but he didn’t think about her that way. “I like...someone else.”
The first person Jongho actually told about you was Yeosang. The older friend was on the high school volleyball team with him. His phone had buzzed, a message from you and Yeosang had caught the dopey look that crossed his face when he read it.
“You didn’t mention you were dating,” Yeosang mused.
Jongho visibly startled. “Huh?”
“Dating?” his hyung gestured to the phone, still lit with your message, “I mean, I hope you don’t smile like that when you get texts from your eomma.”
Jongho’s ears burned red. “It’s not like that,” he insisted, “we’re just friends.” he paused and then added, “she lives abroad anyway. It’s not like anything is going to happen.”
Yeosang’s lips formed an ‘o’ shape. “Is that why you’ve never dated anyone?”
“Maybe,” Jongho admitted.
Of course, Yeosang told Wooyoung and it got passed around the whole team. His hyungs’ insisted on calling you his girlfriend and when no one was looking, he sometimes wondered what it would be like to actually ask you.
Do you like him? Do you like him? Would you date him? It all felt woefully embarrassing. Jongho had typed it out a few times, let the question sit there before ultimately deleting it.
Instead, he told you - you look pretty. I like talking to you. You make me laugh.
And every reply he got, every moment where you thought of him for even a second, made his heart skip a beat.
Even now, at twenty, it was still the same.
What university do you go to again? You asked.
Yonsei. He replied, why?
My school has an exchange program. Yonsei’s on the list. Should I apply?
Jongho couldn’t breathe, joy and terror and hope all weaving together in the center of his chest to make every inhale unbearable. He floundered trying to answer you, thumbs hitting the wrong letters. How do you say ‘fuck yeah’ in English again?
If you want to. He said.
Do you want me too?
He was honest. I’d love nothing more than to meet you in person.
The word love made him feel sick. Was that the right thing to say? He didn’t know. The wait for your reply felt like millenia, pushing against the fabric of time and space, because in reality, it was only a minute. Still, he watched the three dots like they were a lifeline.
I want to meet you too Jongho. Wish me luck.
-
I’ll meet you in front of Yonhi’s gates.
Roger that.
You sent your agreement and then stood at the door of your dorm room, deciding whether it was appropriate to hide away for the next semester. It had been one thing applying for the exchange program and a completely different thing to be standing in dorms on Korean soil, your closest friend just minutes away from meeting in person. The nerves and excitement had steadily increased as this dream became more of a reality, until just now when it slammed into your chest - made your heart pick up speed and your breath catch in your throat.
You stared at Jongho’s message for a moment longer. It was only natural, you reasoned, to feel anxious. You’d known Jongho for so long, he was practically a second skin, but you didn’t actually know him, right? You didn’t know what he really sounded like. You didn’t know how he really looked under the midday sun. You didn’t know how you fit into life with him in person rather than over the phone.
You’d confessed your uncertainty to your mother, only once, in the hours before you boarded the plane. “What if I’m making a mistake?” What if he doesn’t like me?
Your mum had heard the unspoken question. She smiled in that way that mothers do when they want to reassure you but can’t know for sure. She smoothed her hands over your cheeks like she once did when you were a baby and said, “Then you come home to people who love you in three months. Something tells me you won’t want to though.”
Three months. You only had three months.
Your fingers curled around the door handle and pulled sharply. You’ve got to make the most of it.
On the way, you got lost four times. Yonsei campus was vast, and more often than not, you got distracted staring at unfamiliar ancient architecture and took a wrong turn. Eventually, you got to the gate. You had searched the location and seen the photos, but it was different in person. Your first palace entrance, the gate stretched high in dramatic fashion. The reds and greens that adorned so brightly were clearly part of a restoration project.
And, standing on the other side like something out of a drama, was Jongho.
You recognised him immediately, almost instinctively. You didn’t have the forethought to wonder if that was too fast for someone you’d only seen through photos. You were too distracted, taking in that he looked so much better in person. He was taller than you thought, shoulders broader, head held higher. His nose was curved and his jaw sharp, his lips plump into a pout that you had spent far too much time analysing. When he glanced over, you took notice of the recognition that rose in his dark eyes and the way his smile blossomed so beautifully.
Fuck.
He really was unfairly attractive.
Jongho called your name, his voice slightly deeper in person than over the voice note, and raised a hand to wave. You did the same a second later, trying not to get distracted by the long strides he took to reach you.
When he hugged you, your heart leaped in your chest and you couldn’t stop the way you relaxed into his strong arms. He smelt so good and he held you so tight, he must have felt your heart beating against his. You hesitated a moment before returning the hug, arms folding around his waist and letting yourself enjoy the heat of him pressed against you, just for a moment longer than would be deemed appropriate.
When you parted, his happy grin was so wide that his eyes curled at the edges.
Truly unfairly attractive.
“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” he laughed.
“Neither can I,” you admitted, “I don’t know why they picked me.”
Jongho nudged your shoulder. “Don’t sell yourself short,” he scolded, “You studied hard.”
“And now I’m here,” you said.
“And now you’re here,” he echoed, “with me.”
You had to be imagining the way his voice softened at the end there, or reading into the fondness that he gazed at you. You had to be because he glanced away and when he looked back, it was gone, replaced with a friendly edge. It shouldn’t have made your stomach drop as much as it did.
“I was thinking,” Jongho said, “we could get coffee and then I can release you for orientation.”
“How’d you know when my orientation is?” you wondered.
The tips of his ears went pink. “One of my hyungs is a student representative,” he admitted, “I asked him to look after you.”
This time, it was you who nudged him. “Ooh, special treatment already?” you joked.
“Only the best,” Jongho nodded, “for my friend.”
You didn’t like how tight that made your throat, and you swallowed around it determinedly. You linked your arms with his, trying not to notice how firm the muscles were when he hooked his elbow, and glanced out around them, anything to avoid making eye contact. “Lead the way, Jong-oppa,” you ordered. “This jet lag is severe. I’m going to need a litre of coffee.”
-
Jongho could still feel the heat of your hand in the crook of his arm. Your scent of your sweet perfume still lingered, stuck to his clothes where you had touched him. And Jongho felt like he hadn’t been able to breathe properly since he first saw you in person.
Of course, he knew you were pretty and funny and smart in so many ways. He’d spent so long ruminating on your face, on the voice messages you’d left him, on the memes you shared. But it was different in person. It was better.
Your face lit up when he made you laugh. Your accent slipped through so strongly on certain English words and the way Korean - learnt for him - formed on your tongue was mesmerising. You hummed when you drank your coffee and when you tried to find the right words to express yourself, your gaze drifted to the right, as if that could help you focus.
Jongho was enamoured, way more than he thought possible.
When he dropped you off at the orientation meeting zone, he almost didn’t want to let you go. Maybe you didn’t want to go either because you hovered by him as you greeted other foreign exchange students you recognised from previous online zooms you’d had to partake in. There was a small selfish and irrational part of him that wanted to invite you somewhere else - for dinner, for a walk, anything - but he held his self-restraint enough until the representatives approached and San made eye contact with him, beaming as he always did when he saw one of his precious teammates. San always called that on nights of team drinking, hooking one of them - usually Woo or Yeosang - with his strong arms. The outside hitter was a good person, Jongho knew, probably one of the best he knew. There was a reason that he was part of the student representative committee and not just because he was one of the few people he knew that spoke three languages confidently.
“Jongho,” San greeted happily. He clapped his teammate on the back before turning a charming smile onto you. “And I assume this is...” he said your name and then made a show of dramatically bowing as he introduced him, “I’m Choi San. Jongho and I play on the same team.”
You looked a little starry eyed at the sight of the man, and Jongho squashed down on the ball of displeasure that rose within him. It was just San, he reasoned. He was an attentive flirt but he would never - they all knew how Jongho felt about you and San would never betray his trust like that. Still, it twisted him up inside to see how the handsome man made you swoon without much effort. The insecure part of him needlessly compared himself - what did San have that he didn’t? Would you like San more than him? Would you want San over him?
“Charmed,” you said and smiled so prettily, unaware of the anxious and self-deprecating spiraling of his thoughts. That really didn’t help.
“Jong has told us so much about you,” San confessed with a cheeky grin.
“San-hyung,” Jongho’s cheeks turned pink.
Your eyebrows jumped up and you sounded amused when you said, “Did he now?”
“Only good things,” San assured.
“San.” Jongho tried to interrupt, but his hyung was on a roll.
“But I don’t think he truly explained how beautiful you were.”
Jongho snapped. “San.”
You were pink as well. “You told your friends I was beautiful?” you asked, shyly. Your eyes darted to him and away, like you were afraid to settle for too long. Was that good? Jongho hated how uncertain he felt.
It felt like a trap, like whatever he said something could go wrong. Jongho stumbled over his words before eventually saying, “It’s an objective truth,” he muttered.
His chest felt tight. Your eyes sparkled. San looked immensely pleased with himself.
When Jongho had taken his leave, he had been both relieved to escape the combined teasing and disappointed that he couldn’t spend any more time with you. Which was silly, he reasoned firmly, he’d already made plans with you for dinner, but walking away from you after waiting so long felt like it was happening way too soon.
Of course, he couldn’t quite escape the teasing.
Mingi threw the ball at him as soon as he entered the practice room. Jongho cursed in surprise and the taller blocker grinned at him in delight. “How’s your girlfriend?”
Seonghwa rolled his lips to hide his grin and Yunho giggled behind his hand.
Yeosang looked up from a long stretch from the middle of the court. “How is she finding Seoul?”
He had long given up trying to get them to stop calling you that. He chucked the ball back. “She’s good. She says she likes it so far,” he murmured.
“And?” Wooyoung pushed. He was throwing a ball into the air as far as he could and rushing around to catch it. “Did you fall into her arms and declare your love for her?”
Once again, Jongho felt hot. “No, of course not. I-I wouldn’t - that isn’t appropriate, I just...”
“Waaaa,” Hongjoong arched a surprised eyebrow, “How’d you manage to form a sentence in front of her?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted bitterly. He moved to one side of the practice room to drop his bag and shed off his hoodie - reluctant, because it meant he couldn’t smell you as he worked. Pathetic, he mocked himself and frowned down at the fabric like it offended him.
He could feel his teammate’s - his friend’s - eyes on him. He had no doubt that could read his genuine frustration, leading to the pause in teasing. They were good like that. It was one of the reasons they had remained friends for so long - each of his hyungs knew when they could mess around and when things were getting too real. It was why Jongho knew everyone was listening when he continued talking, “I didn’t expect...that seeing her in person would be so different. She was just...”
So beautiful, so smart, so charming, so funny. So much more in person than just in text. Was it possible to fall in love with someone who already had your heart? Because Jongho was pretty sure that was what happened.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Yunho wondered, voice softer, “Means you weren’t imagining your connection.”
Jongho let the hoodie drop on top of his bag and turned around. “Maybe, or maybe it's worse,” he murmured, “She’s even more perfect than I could have imagined.” He licked his lips, “And she’s my friend.”
“A friend you’ve had feelings for since high school,” Seonghwa reminded, “friendship is a good start to a relationship.”
Jongho pressed his lips together and tried not to dwell on that. He knew his older friend was just trying to help him, but he couldn’t bear it, not if it caused things to fall apart. His friendship with you was one of the most important things in his life - the idea of risking it...
Mingi piped in to say, “If he has the balls to do something about it.”
Jongho’s eyes went sharp and Wooyoung threw the ball he had at Mingi’s head with a shout of, “dude, timing.”
Mingi ducked out of the way before it hit him. “What? Let’s be honest, Jong’s going to spend the next three months pining, pretending he doesn’t want to kiss her, and then when she goes back home, none the wiser, he’ll regret it.”
“I don’t want to-”
Mingi waved his hand dismissively. “Ruin anything, I get it dude, I do, but like - come on, not everyone gets this chance with their first and only love. She came here to see you.”
Jongho corrected it immediately. “She came here to study.”
Seonghwa, ever the peacemaker, spoke with reluctant disagreement. “She could have picked anywhere, right? But she picked here. For you.”
For you. God, Jongho’s heart did a traitorious leap at that. He swallowed and found himself tensing as if to turn that soft thought into discomfort. “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to not miss your chance, bro,” Mingi said earnestly.
Hongjoong called for attention. “I want to practice,” he insisted, “and while you practice setting, you can decide whether it's worth the risk.”
The captain’s words echoed around Jongho’s head as much as Mingi’s. Worth the risk. Was it? Were you? It seemed so simple when he was thinking about it alone, void of real-life consequences.
Of course, you were worth it. Everything about you, about their relationship, about their history with each other, was worth it.
But it was all that which was at risk should things go south. He could just picture your pretty face, twisted in disgust or pity as you told him “I don’t see you like that”. His nightmarish imagining filled in the aftermaths with distance and tight smiles, low contact becoming unanswered questions.
But the hopeful part of him dreamed. He could see your smile, bright and joyful as when you saw him for the first time, as you told him “I feel the same.” He could imagine being allowed to press his lips to your plump bottom lip, to not have to fight the urge to pull you into a hug; to really know what it felt like to hold your hand tightly in his.
Was it worth the risk? At the end of practice, palms aching and shirt sweat drenched, Jongho had made his decision.
-
When people asked you how you were enjoying your time in South Korea, you were honest when you told them, “I love it.”
You loved the reliable wifi on the subway. You loved how cheap iced coffee was. You loved the call buttons in restaurants so that you didn’t have to try and make awkward eye contact with your server to get more drinks.
You loved your dormmates - Korean and foreign exchange students alike - and how welcome they made you feel. You loved your classes and the chance to build your Korean speaking skills properly. But most of all, the reason why you enjoyed your time so much, you loved your time with Jongho.
Any fears you might have had about your friendship moving from online to the real world was unfounded. Jongho folded you into his life as if you had always been there and you supposed you always had, in some sense. Old jokes and memes became part of everyday conversation. He reminded you to drink water, just now he was pushing a bottle into your hand with a disapproving frown. The names of friends, his teammates, were as familiar to you as you were to them.
When you finally met the volleyball boys, Wooyoung had asked if it was okay to hug you “because I feel like I’ve known you for years. Jongho never shuts up about you.”
“He spoke about you all too,” you had told them, “he really looks up to you all.”
Jongho mock-groaned. “Don’t tell them that.”
Yunho pretended to wipe a tear. “Jong-ah, you look up to us?”
“He has to,” Mingi said, “He’s just a little bear.”
The blond might have been quick witted but he wasn’t fast enough to dodge Jongho’s elbow to the stomach.
“Bear?” you arched an eyebrow in surprise. “Why bear?”
“He’s got the strength of a bear,” Hongjoong explained, “one of the best hitters on the team.”
“Plus he looks like a teddy bear,” San added cheekily. He giggled when he got a kick to the back of the ankles in retaliation.
You looked at Jongho’s narrowed eyes and pressed lips, and gasped in delight. “Oh my god, you do look like a teddy bear.”
“See?” San defended himself.
Jongho stuck his bottom lip out. “Please don’t encourage them.”
When you called him baby bear later, he sighed in despair and put an arm around your shoulder. Wooyoung and Mingi made a show of complaining that you were getting special treatment.
“That’s because I actually like her,” Jongho shot back immediately.
Of course, that caused more objections, as intended, but you couldn’t focus on what was being said. No, not when the comfort weight of his arm around your shoulders made you feel warm all over, not when the scent of his perfume - musky with citrus undertones - flooded your senses and made your heart clench with torturous interest.
He’d been doing that more, you had noticed. Finding himself next to you - an arm around your shoulder, a hand brushing yours when you walked together, body angled your way as he listened to you with his undivided attention. It was sweet but perhaps, too much for your poor heart. Every time, he made eye contact with you or he reached for you, you felt yourself melt every time. It was so easy to forget that you were friends and nothing more when he smiled at you like that.
You’d gotten used to saying that. We’re just friends. People had asked, mostly those in your dorm who had caught sight of Jongho dropping you off basically every night. He always did the same thing - hugged you close, wished you a good night, and would stay on the porch until you’d shut the door securely behind you.
Soyeon, one of the student representatives residing in your dorm, had wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Making friends with the locals huh?” she teased.
You’d explained the long story of your friendship and ended it with the familiar assertion of friendliness. “Nothing else,” you’d asserted, “Jongho doesn’t see me that way.”
Soyeon looked more amused than anything. “I’ve been to a few parties with the volleyball boys,” she said, “and I’ve never seen Jongho take even the tiniest interest in anybody. No one night stand rumours, no relationships that can be confirmed, nothing. But you show up? He’s here every night, walking you home, giving you his jackets.”
You glanced down as if guilty. The familiar weight of the jersey sat on your shoulders. Jongho was so much broader than yourself so it hung off your frame, the sleeves over your fingers. You liked wearing you, you’d shyly admit, because it smelt like Jongho. Under the older girl’s clear gaze and unwavering explanation, you felt like you were doing something wrong.
“I was cold,” you explained quietly.
“And our star hitter was only so happy to warm you up,” Soyeon winked.
The clear innuendo made you flush. “We’re friends, nothing else,” you insisted, “this is a friend’s jacket. The jacket of a friend. We’re not, I’m not - we’re friends.”
“Hey, I’m not judging you,” Soyeon put her hands up in defense, “Friends, more than friends, whatever you say.”
She’d walked away, leaving you trembling and nervous and horrifically aware that the way you felt right now was very much not friendly.
When you texted Hana that you might have a crush on Jongho, she sent you back: well yeah, obviously.
That was the thought that lingered with you now, squished between Jongho and Yeosang in the tiny booth of the beef barbecue restaurant just outside of campus. It had become a weekly routine to meet somewhere - a local restaurant, a park with convenience store ramyeon and fried chicken, or hongjoong’s off campus apartment - and just destress after a long week of classes and high expectations. You did enjoy the time, you liked Jongho’s friends a lot and it was a wonderful time to just relax.
But then Jongho would put the first piece of meat on your plate or laugh happily beside your ear, his body shaking against you, and you’d remember that you like-liked him.
God, you felt like a silly school kid. Hopelessly and pathetically overwhelmed by your crush, and Jongho didn’t make it any easier.
See, you knew your friend was handsome, funny, helpful - but it was so different in person. You could see the way his eyes lit up when he laughed, hear the way he formed his words so intelligently, feel how earnest he was in helping you. It was like the idea of him had formed into reality and it was so much better than you could have imagined.
You’d dated before. Your last boyfriend had been an engineering student at your university and told you that “he wasn’t ready for a relationship” before immediately starting to date one of his housemates. Before all the red flags became apparent, he had been handsome - but not like Jongho - and smart - but not like Jongho - and he made you laugh - but not like Jongho.
It was almost pathetic how much you were comparing them and you had this horrible feeling that you’d be looking for Choi Jongho in every man you dated going forward. Fuck.
“Are you okay?” when he ducked his head to speak with you, his breath was warm against your cheek.
You shivered, crossed your legs at the ankles for physical support, and smiled brightly. “Fine. Just thinking about the amount of homework I have to do.”
He rapped on your forehead gently and you tried not to visibly melt at the feeling of his fingertips on your skin. “Nope. No homework thoughts allowed.”
Yunho swept his gaze across the room and then darted back. He lowered his voice when he said, “Don’t look now. The lacrosse girls are out.”
Mingi sat up straighter in interest and Jongho let out a long suffering groan.
You blinked in confusion. “What’s wrong with lacrosse?”
“It’s less the team and more one person in particular,” Seonghwa explained.
San poked Jongho on the shoulder. “Minji has a crush on our baby bear.”
You swallowed your discomfort at the announcement as Jongho batted at San’s hand. “It’s not a crush,” he said, “she just thinks I’m playing hard to get.”
“Are you?” you found yourself asking.
“No,” Jongho’s answer was quick, “No, I’m not interested.”
Your gaze drifts over. Across the room, the girls were still wearing their kit - you vaguely remembered the school’s itinerary email that shared the lacrosse team had a game today - and seemed unaware of the other team nearby.
“Which one’s Minji?” you asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Jongho objected as Yeosang answered, “the one on the left. Red hair.”
Ah. The girl in question was laughing at something the teammate across from her said, eyes scrunching at the corners in pure joy. You hated how the sight of her hit you in the chest.
“She’s cute,” you murmured.
“And I’m not interested,” Jongho said firmly. He stabbed one of his chopsticks into a chicken wing as if it personally offended him.
“Soyeon told me about the volleyball boys,” you mentioned. “I didn’t know that you guys were so popular.”
Yunho and Wooyoung grinned. Hongjoong turned pink. Seonghwa coughed into his hand and ducked his head. Yeosang and Mingi gave you an embarrassed grin. Jongho kept his head on the plate in front of him.
“We...have stories,” Yeosang said slowly, “except for Jong. He doesn’t really like that scene.”
“Which adds to his mystery,” Wooyoung added.
“Unfortunately,” Jongho sighed.
You can’t really explain what this information does to you. Curiosity wars with delight and relief. It shouldn’t, it doesn’t really mean anything, but the part of your brain that had already imagined growing old together read it as something important.
You find yourself watching him again, tracing the curve of his jaw and the pretty curve of his nose. You take note of how his lips are angled downwards unhappily and how long he’s been chewing that piece of chicken.
When you reached up, you intended to touch his cheek but panicked that it was too intimate and changed the destination to pat the top of his head. He looked at you in surprise as you smiled and hoped you looked normal. Friendly.
“Aigoo,” you cooed, “I didn’t know my baby bear had an admirer.”
He watched you, eyes wide and round. You told yourself you were imagining the soft edges or the twitch of his head as if he was leaning into you. You told yourself that the ‘my’ didn’t mean anything, that it was innocent. You told yourself that it didn’t mean anything when Jongho just sighed, shoulders slumping, and didn’t immediately try to remove your hands from him, like he did with his other friends.
“Minji can admire all she wants,” he murmured, “she’s not the one I’m interested in.” Before you had a chance to respond - not that you’d have been able to, your tongue feeling heavy in your mouth at the intensity of those words - Jongho picked a piece of meat off the grill and held it out to you. “Try this cut. It’s good.”
-
Since Jongho had announced he was going to ask you out, his friends had been intensely invested. Every night, after he’d drop you back to the shared dorm building, he’d get asked the same thing - “so?” - and he’d have to shake his head or avert his gaze.
It was truly embarrassing how terrified he was about taking that step.
He always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t ask. Too much to drink, someone walked passed, you saw someone from your course; his voice had broken and you’d laughed too hard, or -
Yeosang looked unimpressed. “She nearly choked on sweets?”
Jongho hummed and kept his gaze on a loose thread at the end of his shirt. “She ate them too fast,” he murmured, “And I don’t want her to think of a date with me and link that to her near death experience.”
“Yup, I’ll admit, that wasn’t an excuse I had predicted,” San commented.
“Not an excuse,” Jongho challenged, “I just, um, it has to be-”
“Perfect,” Yunho and Mingi finished his sentence with a roll of their eyes.
Jongho flushed. How many times had he really said this? “It’s important,” he insisted, “I just - it’s going to change everything and I...I have to do it right.”
He’d imagined it so many times. That perfect moment. In reality, he knew it couldn’t be possible. Rationality, what he dreamed of was never going to match reality, but there wasn’t anything wrong with wanting it to at least be similar right? To have that one wonderful moment where confessing his feelings for you felt right rather than the most anxiety inducing thing he’s ever done.
“You’re gonna miss your chance,” Wooyoung scolded, “you aren’t the only one who fancies her, you know?”
Jongho froze as his heart leaped horrifically into his throat. “What?”
“I heard it in my dance class,” the libero admitted, “Apparently, Hyunjin already asked her out.”
Jongho felt adrift, like his world had been unended by such a simple revelation. With 5 words, his mind was swirling, his chest tightened by the panic pumping through him.
He knew Hyunjin - he was Wooyoung’s friend of a friend who kept each other company during long rehearsal stretches. They’d spoken a few times at parties to know that Hyunjin was genuinely a nice person, and he wasn’t blind to the man’s attractiveness. He could just imagine the smooth smile that would have made you blush or the charming pick-up lines that would have made you blush.
You didn’t tell him, he thought vaguely, you didn’t tell him about any date.
“What did she say?” Jongho asked, though he didn’t want to hear the answer.
Wooyoung’s eyebrows furrowed as he hesitated. “Jongho...”
Jongho was up so quickly, the sofa pushed backwards on the wooden floor slightly. “I have to go,” he declared.
Hongjoong looked startled with worry. “Jong, are you-”
But the maknae of their group was already heading for the door, stumbling into his shoes and forgetting the keys still in the pocket of his hung jacket. He couldn’t think clearly, not with so much anxiety and dread coursing through his bloodstream. He didn’t know whether to laugh or scream or curse himself out for his avoidance. He should have thought - you were wonderful, perfect even, why wouldn’t anyone else see that?
Their team captain looked ready to follow behind but was stopped by Seonghwa’s grip on his elbow. “Let him go,” Hwa sighed, “he’s gotta figure it out himself.”
“Maybe it’ll be the kick up the arse that he needs,” Yeosang murmured hopefully.
Mingi hummed in agreement. “50,000 won that he actually asks her out.”
“50,000 that he martyrs himself.” Yunho shot back.
“Guys,” San shook his head and then leant forward on his knees to add, “50,000 that he does ask her out but he fucks up the first time.”
Hongjoong pinches the bridge of his nose.
-
Soyeon had been out the night before and had made it clear she wasn’t to be disturbed, which was probably why she looked half asleep and unimpressed in your doorway. You didn’t get the chance to ask her why she was there before she said, “your boyfriend is at the door.”
You didn’t even try to correct her, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. You’d seen Jongho just an hour or so before, and he’d seen fine. You couldn’t think of a reason as to why he’d be here now, unless - you wondered if there was some kind of emergency, something that had him rushing here.
You muttered a quick apology to the older woman and moved out of your room, down the short hallway and stairs to get to the main door. On the steps, Jongho looked breathless, pink in the cheeks and eyes wide. You desperately scanned him for any signs of injury.
“I need to talk to you,” the words tumbled over his lips. “Alone.”
It sounded serious, terrifyingly so, and you could only nod in stunned agreement. He followed you up the steps quietly and your mind whirled. You jumped from one reason to another wildly - a family member hurt, an argument with the volleyball boys, an issue with the coach, a problem with a professor, or - your heart did a painful lurch - did he know you had feelings for him?
You let him into your dorm room and the door shut behind you with a weight of finality. Jongho hadn’t been in your room before, you realised, and a sense of inadequacy filled you. Your bed wasn’t made, covers crumbled from where you had been laying on him. You hadn’t cracked a window in a while because mosquitos kept getting in and you had a worried moment when you thought the space smelt funny, despite the diffuser you had placed on your desk. There was a pile of dirty clothes falling out of the basket because you hadn’t had time to go to the laundry room and god, yep, that was a pair of your comfortable granny pants sticking out the top.
You shuffled yourself so your body was blocking the view of the mess before you spoke. “What’s wrong, Jong-oppa? Are you okay?”
Jongho’s gaze was steady and his voice was raw when he said, “don’t go out with Hyunjin.”
You startled, surprised. “What?”
“Please,” Jongho begged. “I don’t think I could handle it.”
“Handle?” you repeated faintly.
When Jongho reached for you, you let his hands warm yours without much thought. You’ve never refused his touch and, like always, it made your heart pound in your ears. It was made worse by the way that he was looking at you, a desperate tinge seeping into his gaze. I’m dreaming, you thought, this has to be...
“If you’re going to date anyone, date me,” Jongho stated. His fingers flexed around yours. “Please.”
“Jongho...”
“It’s your choice. You can say no, fuck, I promise I won’t make it weird.”
“Jongho.”
“I just...please don’t date Hyunjin. The idea of him getting to hold your hand or kiss you o-or -”
“Jong,” you said his name louder, more forcefully. You had to hear it properly, you needed to be sure. But when he looked up at you like that, it couldn’t be anything else, right? “You want to go on a date with me?”
“I want to take you on as many dates as you’d let me,” he confessed.
Your voice shook. “Where?”
“Huh?” Jongho blinked.
You elaborated, “Where are you going to take me on our date?”
“You...you want to?”
The corner of your lips twitched up into a smile. “Do you want me to say no?”
“No,” Jongho said quickly, “but um, I didn’t expect you to actually say yes. Are you sure?”
“Probably the most sure I’ve been about anything,” you admitted.
Jongho shuffled closer, until the tops of his socks bumped against your house slippers. You noticed how much taller he was like this, looking down at you with such warmth. His thumb traced circles on the back of your hand. “Can I kiss you?”
You shuddered a breath. It was insane how such a sweet question made you fall for him all over again. “Fuck yeah.”
The first touch of lips was soft, a gentle touch with an unsteady breath. It was a moment of stepping over that boundary, of the line between friendship and more being crossed. Jongho was so careful with you and you leant into him fully, eyes fluttering closed.
The second kiss was firmer, more assured. You shaped his lips the way you liked and your free hand splayed across the center of his chest to feel his heart beating against your palm. Jongho’s nose bumped against yours as he let you guide him, show him what you wanted, and obliged happily.
The third kiss was molten. It burned your skin as he took control, pressing in closer and when he licked into your mouth, you sighed in contentment. Your hands stretched until they could intertwine in Jongho’s hair, gripping tight enough to make him curse. He rocked forward instinctively and you could feel him, the bulge in his jogging bottoms a delicious sign of how much he was into this, into you. It gave you that pleasant fuzzy feeling at the back of your head and, driven by that feeling, you let one hand drift lower to feel him in your palm.
“Ah, shit,” Jongho twitched in your hold before rearing back. He looked even more attractive like this - pink cheeks, eyes blackened and lips swollen. You rubbed your thumb against the seam, only stopped when a hand grabbed at your wrist, panicked in how it stilled your movements.
“Wait, I...I’ve never...” his voice warbled, insecurity seeping in.
You didn’t want him to feel that way, embarrassed around you, but you couldn’t stop the disbelief that crossed your face. Could you really be blamed? Choi Jongho was a gorgeous man, a popular athlete; you knew he had the attention of others in the university. Had he really never... “Like, at all?”
Jongho pursed his lips and diverted his gaze to somewhere over your shoulder. “I’ve never been interested in anyone,” he said, “no one but you.”
If it were possible for you to love him more, you did at that moment. You pushed yourself up on tip toes to press a firm kiss to his lips and you grip on his clothed dick - mournfully because fuck, he felt so good - lessened. “We don’t have to do anything,” you murmured, “kissing is enough. Being with you is enough.”
Jongho’s expression was unreadable but you knew that meant he was thinking, debating his opinions and weighing the best response. He always did that when it was something important and you knew - your feelings, your relationship and anywhere it went - was incredibly important to him.
Eventually, he let out a low sigh. “Show me,” he asked, voice rougher than it was before, “show me how to make you feel good.”
You felt it in your stomach, the words and the earnest way he said them. “Are you sure?”
Jongho’s fingers released your wrist, stepping closer into your hold. One hand came to cup your jaw, stroking at the skin there until your eyes fluttered. “Show me,” he repeated.
Who were you to deny him?
“Strip,” you ordered, voice trembling. “And get on the bed.”
Later, under the thin bedsheets on your too small bed, you laid half on top of Jongho’s broad chest. You felt the steady rise and fall of his chest, and listened to the beating of his heart against your cheek. It was the most content you had ever felt, safe and secure in his arms. Jongho traced ticklish patterns along the curve of your back, fingers dipping low to trace bite marks that he’d littered your thighs and hips with. You shivered and nudged your nose affectionately into his pec.
You looked up when his trail stalled and frowned as Jongho’s eyebrows furrowed together, as a thought came thundering back to him. “What about Hyunjin?”
You tilted your head. “What about him?”
“He asked you out.”
Oh, right. Yeah. Jongho had come to you, looking so panicked, so desperate with love once hidden pouring into his words. You had been focusing on more important things, you reasoned.
You shook your head. “He didn’t. Hyunjin asked me to help him with his English language assignment.”
“Oh.”
“Who told you that he did?” you wondered.
“Wooyoung,” Jongho admitted.
You huffed a laugh. In the short time you’d known his volleyball friends, Wooyoung was friends with everyone and thus, the person who seemed to know everything. He was also a terrible gossip and had more than once shared the most dramatic version of the story he’d heard. “Really?”
“He was really convincing,” Jongho defended himself.
You didn’t hide your smile. “Besides,even if Hyunjin had asked me out, I would have said no.”
Relief danced in Jongho’s eyes as he tried to hide it behind feigned nonchalance. “Oh? Why? He’s a good guy.”
“Well yeah, he’s smart and gorgeous,” you agreed and snorted in laughter when Jongho looked down at you with a deadpan disappointment. “But, see I already have feelings for somebody else.”
Jongho’s hold tightened around you, possessive in a way that made your toes curl. “Yeah?”
You hummed. “Yeah, we’ve known each other for years,” you murmured, “and he’s the best person I know.”
“And the most handsome?” Jongho teased. Another time, you might have rolled your eyes, pretended to feel nauseous and tell him nothing of the sort.
It was different now though.
You reached up to cup his cheek, caressing the soft skin under his pretty eyes. “He’s beautiful,” you admitted and delighted in the way that Jongho went pink and grinned shyly, gums on display.
“Funny, I have someone like that,” he said. He angled his head to press a sweet kiss to your palm. “I’ve been in love with her for most of my life, to be honest.”
God, the word love made your stomach drop in the best way. “That’s a long time.”
“Yeah, but she’ll always be worth the wait,” he said, and you couldn’t stop yourself from rearing up to kiss him again.
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a/n: thank you so much for reading!! pls check out the works of the other writers in the collab :)
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
titsay
izzy806
jacobvanloon
romaincrisis
areudirty
annaxmalina
origamiaround
