Bebe | 25 | ♀ | | dead Master Architecture student | rhaenicent . talder. supercorp. blackhill | video games | |shit posts | sometimes i draw “If someday the moon calls you by your name don’t be surprised, Because every night I tell her about you.” ― Shahrazad al-Khalij
widowtracer kinda funny in that it was uber popular yuri that lowkey got nuked by one of the parties being confirmed gay and getting a canon slop gf in the background
it is so fucking sad to find a cool fanartist on here and then see that their last post was from like 2018 and they were announcing that they were moving to Twitter.
It's like being a space colonist and finding a little abandoned space cottage and there's a diary in it and the last entry is like "i have now gone to seek a better life on [name of planet that got overtaken by axe-wielding octopi that feed on human blood]"
When the people share our grief, they draw closer to us. I don’t want them closer. I don’t know them. Sometimes, we have to pretend. Why? We are representatives of the throne. We have a duty.
pulling up to the ER rn, i better be greeted by baran al-hashimi in all of her lulu lemon, persian, stop-dead-in-your-tracks-level-gorgeous gloriousness
summary: a patient comes in that hits harder than expected, baran is there to catch you when you fall. (can be read as a stand alone as well) | wc: 1765
cw: homophobia (implied), mentions of conversion therapy, mentions of suicide (od), nothing is detailed just mentioned, i think thats it, lmk if I missed anything. not proofread (oops)
a/n: can be read as a part two or a stand alone! im not sure exactly where i want to go with this so send me ideas !! I love hearing yalls opinions. im thinking I make the next part based out of the hospital? anyway love you guys sm. I love the comments you leave and what u say when u reblog. 🫶🏽🫶🏽
It had been one month since Robby had left for his sabbatical, one month of working with Baran, and one month of getting to know her, learning her patterns, her dry humor that peeks through in certain moments, or the way she lets her guard down when she feels safe. The patience and empathy she carries for everyone, especially you.
You two had grown close fast; you got to see parts of her no one else had. It happened slowly at first, then you noticed the way she lingered around you and the way you felt a tightness in your throat when she walked past you, her hand grazing your back.
And the way you catch yourself watching her to the point it becomes a habit.
You watch as they wheel away your patient to a room, a fifteen-year-old girl, overdose, awaiting a psych consultation.
Luckily, when she arrived, she was awake, crying an apology to you and the other doctors in the room, you couldn't shake the memory.
“I'm sorry, I—I don't want to die. I'm sorry I just wanted them to change their minds. I just thought—I thought doing this would make them feel guilty. I'm so sorry.”
Anna’s hands tremble against the bed, tears drying in streaks along her cheeks, her lashes still wet, and her breathing uneven.
“Anna,” you say softly, your voice steady and low, “it’s okay. No one’s mad at you, alright? You’re safe here. We’re here to help you, okay? We’re here for you.”
Her eyes flick up to yours, wide and searching, like she’s trying to decide if you’re telling the truth or not.
“Where are my parents?” she asks hesitantly.
“They’re in the waiting area,” you answer carefully. “Would you like to see them?”
“No.” She answers immediately; her voice cracks, sharp and fast. “Please, no, I don’t want them in here; they—they're—" She shakes her head hard, breath picking up again. “No, I can’t go back with them. They want to send me away. Please.”
“Anna, honey, try and stay calm for me, okay? ” you murmur. “I know it’s not easy right now.”
“I won’t let them in here, okay? ” you add, gentler. An empty promise that you don't even have the authority to make, but you do it anyway. “I’m here.”
The room they place her in is one of the psych holds, the kind of room that always feels colder than the rest of the ER. You linger just outside after they transfer her, watching through the small window.
“Psych just got here; they’re talking to her now.” Baran’s voice is soft beside you, breaking you out of the trance you were in. You blink away the burn in your eyes.
“Her parents are insisting on an immediate discharge.” She adds quietly.
“Well,” you reply, a little more bite slipping through than you intend, “it doesn’t work like that.”
Baran’s mouth pressed into a faint line. “I know.”
The back of her fingers brush your elbow before her hand settles there. “Is everything okay?” she asks, softer now.
Her soft brown eyes looking into yours, looking for something that you're not saying out loud.
“Yes. Just waiting.” You pause for a moment before pulling back from her.
“I have to go sign some orders; let me know when they're done.” You nod before walking off.
“Hey, Al-Hashimi needs you over in North.” Dana says, grabbing your attention as you walk past the nurses' station.
"Thanks, D.” You reply.
As you round the corner, you see Baran and the psychiatrist standing outside of Anna's room talking.
“What'd I miss?” "You say," stepping beside them.
Baran glances at you briefly. “She told psych more about what’s going on.”
The psychiatrist exhales. “Her parents are planning to send her to a program. Out of state.”
There’s a slight pause before they add, “Conversion therapy.”
The words land heavy, your eyes widening in disbelief. “I'm sorry, what?”
“She said she didn’t think they’d actually go through with it until they started making arrangements. That’s when things escalated.” The psychiatrist says. “Her 72-hour hold has already started; we just have to update the parents.” He continues.
You exhale, rubbing your hands over your face. “Have we notified CPS?”
“I'll do it.” Baran says firmly.
You look at her, then tightness in your chest now fading, replaced with a comforting warmth.
The psychiatrist nods, letting you and Baran know that he's going to start documentation before stepping away.
“Can I have a word with you?” Baran says quietly, her hand moving to brush your elbow.
You sigh and look away for a moment, pushing down the tingling feeling her touch left. “Yeah, sure.”
Baran leads you to a more private corner. She stands in front of you, her eyes searching your face for something before she speaks.
“I can take you off her care team if it will help.” She says.
“What?” You blink, taken aback by her words. “I don't need to be taken off.” Your tone is harsher than usual.
“I didn't say you did; I asked if it would help.” She replies evenly.
“Help with what?" You snap, eyebrows raised, waiting for her to say something.
Silence passes between you before you speak again.
“I can handle it.” You say firmly.
“I know,” she says softly. “I'm not questioning your abilities.”
“You've been off since she arrived.” She pauses. “You don't have to carry more than you can handle.”
“I said I'm fine, Dr. Al. It's not affecting my work, nor is it going to.” You take a small step back as you say it, like standing too close to her might make something crack.
“Okay.” She says calmly.
Your jaw tightens, lips pressing into a thin line as you hold her gaze for half a second longer before walking off.
A few hours had passed since your last conversation with Baran. You're finishing up with night shift handoffs and checking on patients.
Your knuckles tap against the door of Anna's room before you walk in. “Hey.” You say quietly.
“Hi.” She replies quietly.
You step a little closer to her bed. “How’re you feeling?”
She shrugs. “Tired.”
“Yeah,” you nod. “That makes sense.”
A moment of silence happens before she speaks again. “What's going to happen?” Her voice is timid and low as she speaks.
“Well, right now you'll stay here for a bit. People will be in and out pretty frequently to check in.” You say gently.
“Then we figure out what comes next,” you say. “There are people whose job is to make sure you’re going somewhere safe.”
“Like home?” she asks.
“Maybe,” you say carefully. “But not until everyone’s sure that’s the right place for you right now."
She looks away for a moment before turning her head back towards you, her head low.
“They’re going to make me go,” she says quietly.
“Hey,” you say softly. “You told us you don’t feel safe going back right now; we're doing everything we can.”
You're both silent again.
“I'm sorry.” She whispers quietly, a few tears escaping her eyes.
“No. You don't have to apologize.” You move to hold her hand, giving it a tight squeeze when your fingers wrap around.
You let the silence sit for a moment before speaking again.
“It gets better,” you say softly.
“It doesn’t feel like it,” she admits.
“I know,” you nod. “It usually doesn’t at first.”
“You don’t have to figure everything out tonight,” you continue. “You have so many people in your corner; we've got you.”
You give her hand one last reassuring squeeze before easing your fingers free. “Get some rest,” you say quietly.
You linger for just a second longer, making sure she’s settled before stepping back toward the door.
When you slip out into the hallway, the quiet hum of the ER greets you again. You can feel the weight of everything pressing down on you.
Your shift ends; darkness has started to settle in the sky. You change, grab your things, say quiet goodbyes, and make your way down to the parking garage.
You slide into your car, shutting the door, letting the silence envelope you. You drop your head against the steering wheel, allowing the day to catch up to you.
Your shoulders shake, then tears slip out, coating your cheeks. You groan, rubbing your hands across your face roughly.
A soft knock against your window startles you. Baran stands outside your car, expression calm, and her eyes soft.
You hesitate for half a second before unlocking the door. She doesn’t say anything when she opens it; she just slides into the passenger seat, closing the door quietly behind her.
She looks at you for a moment before reaching her hand over the console, resting her hand over yours.
“It's okay to feel for your patients.” She says quietly.
“I know.” You whisper.
“Do you?” She replies.
You let her words sit with you for a minute, an uncomfortable silence following. You swallow, eyes dropping to where her hand covers yours.
“I care; sometimes I think too much.” You say with watery eyes.
“I know you care,” she says. “I’m asking if you let yourself feel it.”
You shift slightly in your seat, exhaling through your nose. “Isn’t that the same thing?”
“No,” she says gently.
You go silent again, letting her words sink in as you wipe your face again.
“I'm sorry, I was such a bitch earlier.” You say your voice is a little lighter now.
Baran chuckles at that. “It's okay.”
“You stayed with her when she needed someone." She pauses. “You also got overwhelmed. It happens.”
You exhale, leaning back into your seat. “Still doesn’t mean I get to snap at you.”
“No.” she agrees. “But, I’m not taking it personally.”
You glance at her, “Why not?”
“Because I know you.” she says.
You turn to her, a soft smile on your lips. Her eyes gently searched yours. The thing with Baran was, you could never hide under her gaze, at least not the way you could with everyone else.
“Thank you.” You say.
She squeezes your hand before letting it go, her fingers lingering against your hand.
“Would you like company tonight?” She asks softly.
“I'd like that.” you say.
“I'll meet you at yours.” She smiles at you, brighter this time before exiting the car, carefully shutting the passenger door. She looks over her shoulder one last time before walking to her car and driving off.
You rub your hands over your face, a smile stuck to your face as the weight of the day starts to fade.
summary: you're an attending alongside robby at PTMC. you defend baran to robby after only knowing her for less than a day | wc: 1653
cw: mentions of needles and stitches. misogynistic men :/, lowk slowburn, implied suicidal thoughts (if you squint), not proofread (whoops.)
a/n: i entered a competition called "starting something new before finishing what needs done" and they gave me first place. I swear im working on a part two for "if this feeling goes both ways" and my other cassie fic! there will be a part two to this (i promise), maybe more. college is hard, and the second i get inspo for a fic, im writing it.
You're standing at the nurses' station finishing up work after discharging a patient.
“You worked with the new attending yet, Dr. Al?” Dana asks, glancing up at you from her work.
“Um, briefly,” you reply. “She’s sweet, really good with people.”
Dana hums in agreement, a small smile tugging at her lips. “And she’s got great hair, too.” She lifts her pen with mock seriousness. “Gotta make sure she’s got someone looking out for her, so this place doesn’t eat her alive.”
"Anyway, I got somethin' for ya once you're done with that, hun.” Dana says to you as you slide the clipboard into its place.
“A gift? Dana, you didn't have to—it's not my birthday yet.” You responded sarcastically.
You lean forward against the counter as Dana hands you a clipboard. “Merry Christmas," she says after handing it off to you.
You put your hands to your chest and extend them towards her as you back away. “An honor, D, truly.” You hear Dana chuckle as you turn to leave the nurses' station.
"Can I assist you on this one?” Al-Hashimi's voice breaks your focus on the chart in your hands.
“Be my guest." You smile at each other, both making your way to the room.
You introduce yourself to the little girl on the bed; Baran follows after. It was a quick and simple workup, a ten-year-old girl, a Fourth of July family barbecue, and some broken glass.
You sit down on the chair beside the bed, your tray of supplies beside you.
“So what I'm going to do,” you say gently, holding up each item you're explaining as you talk, “is clean your cut first, then this shot right here is going to numb the area.”
“It looks way scarier than it is.” You quickly reassure the girl, noticing the nervous expression etched along her face. “Will it hurt?” She asks quietly.
“A little bit, just a quick pinch. Kind of like getting your ears pierced.” You smile and change your gloves as you start cleaning the space on her leg. “Okay now for the hard part, just take a big breath in for me.” You pick up the needle, meeting Baran's soft gaze as she stands across from you, before continuing with the shot.
“The hard part's over, girlfriend.” You dispose of the needle and pick up the materials for her stitches.
“Do you want to take a break?” You ask the little girl with a soft tilt to your head. She shakes her head no in response, a little more confident now.
You release a soft hum and talk her through the process of what you're doing as you stitch her wound close.
“Everything's done and over with.” You say as you apply the bandage overtop of the fresh stitching. You dispose of everything and remove your gloves.
“So? "How was it?” You ask the girl. “Not as bad as I thought.” She replies, rubbing her hands along the bed.
“You did great.” You lift both of your hands, allowing the girl to give you a high-five. “What are you going to eat when you get back home?” You say, giving the girl a bright smile.
“Burgers.” She says, smiling.
“Hmm. My favorite post-hospital snack.” The girl giggles at your response; you tilt her head towards her as you return a smile.
Baran steps in to go over wound care as you move to start the discharge paperwork. After finishing up, you both say your goodbyes to the girl, exiting the room together.
The both of you move towards the nurses' station to remove the patient's name from the board. A comfortable silence settles between you two.
“You are very good with kids.” She says softly.
"Oh, thank you.” You turn your head towards her, a smile pulling at your lips.
A beat passes before you speak again.
“How has your first day been? Aside from the cyber attack mess.” You ask her, reaching over the counter to finish what you need to do.
“It's been very interesting.”
You release a light laugh. “Yeah, a lot of chaos for a first day. "Brutal introduction”
You pause. “You're doing good though; the way you work is really fascinating. You're good with people.” You smile and slowly push yourself off the counter.
“I've got to run, but if you need anything or have any questions. I'm around.”
You're coming down the stairwell when you hear Robby's voice.
“This ED is the best of the best, and I would put it up against any emergency department in the country. And it is going to be yours to fuck up, so don't fuck it up.”
You stop, standing at the corner of the stairs.
You watch Robby exit through the doors quickly, like what he had said wasn't hurtful.
Baran stands there for a second longer. You watch her take a slow breath, her hands clutched at her sides before stepping forward and following him out.
You had noticed his behavior the second he walked through the doors this morning. The tone of his voice, the way he carried himself. You couldn't recall a moment where he hadn't been rude to someone.
You noticed it with Moahn earlier in the morning, then McKay, then Dana. You had especially noticed how dismissive he was to Al Hashimi.
You continue your descent down the stairs, scanning the ED for Robby.
When you find him, he's reading over the board, erasing names of patients that have been discharged.
“Robby, hey. Can we talk?” You say quietly.
He nods and the both of you step off to the side.
He raises his eyebrows at you, waiting for you to say something.
“Is everything okay?” You ask with genuine concern.
He laughs and shakes his head at your response.
“I'm not talking about this mess,” you motion to the chaos around you. “I'm asking about you.” You say before he even has a chance to speak.
You study him for a moment, then take a slow breath.
“You’ve been off all day,” you say carefully. “I overheard your conversation with Dr. Al-Hashimi earlier. I’m just concerned.”
His expression falters. “You and everyone else,” he mutters, dragging a hand across his mouth before dropping it to his side. “Nothing’s going on with me.”
“Okay,” you say, nodding once. “Then help me understand why it doesn’t feel like that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means,” you keep your tone even, “the way you're pushing people today is not landing the way you think it is.”
"Well, everyone's a mess today.” He replies dryly, shrugging his shoulders before letting them drop.
“The whole ED is a mess, Robby; of course it's going to be hard.”
He exhales heavily through his nose, glancing over to the side, like he has already checked out of the conversation.
“The way you have spoken to everyone today is just outright rude; I saw it with Mohan, McKay, Dana, and especially Dr. Al.”
“And saying things like ‘I hope this place doesn't fall to shit while you're gone'." You lift your hands slightly, reciting his words with air quotes.
“It’s demeaning. I don’t know if you realize it, but she’s here to help, not to be undermined by the person she’s trying to learn from. You’re giving the impression that you don’t think she’s capable, and that is not how to inspire confidence in your team.”
You pause, letting the weight of your words sink in.
“It’s her first day,” you continue, voice steady but firmer now. “She’s trying to learn the ropes while balancing the struggle of the systems being down. She’s trying to earn respect and trust from everyone else, and she can’t do that if you don’t respect her. She doesn't need to be made to feel like a mistake waiting to happen.”
Robby's eyes stare into yours. “You're setting the bar impossibly high for everyone. We're all struggling, but we're all trying our best. I don't know what's going on with you, but you have to stop taking it out on everyone else.”
He shifts his weight but doesn’t respond. Robby’s jaw tightens, his voice flat, clipped. “Are we done here?”
“Yeah, we're done.” You exhale through your nose, rubbing your fingertips into your head.
You're off to the side starting preparations for shift handoffs when Baran steps beside you.
“Hi.” She says, a gentle smile on her face.
“Hey, how are you doing?” You say, putting your pen down, turning to give her your full attention.
“It has been a whirlwind,” she says, her tone blunt, her voice holding its usual softness and perfect dictation. “I wanted to thank you.”
“Oh, what for?” Your eyebrows come together as you tilt your head to the side.
“I overheard your conversation with Dr. Robinavitch. I appreciate you defending me. You didn't have to do that.”
You shake your head, your lips pressed in a soft smile. “I couldn't let it slide; the way he's been today has been unnecessary. Wasn't fair to you. or anyone for that matter.”
Her gaze lingers on you for a beat longer than necessary, a faint flush coloring her cheeks. “It helps to know that someone has your back. So thank you for understanding.”
You notice the subtle shift in how she carries herself, like she's allowed herself to move down a peg after trying to prove herself to everyone all day. She was comfortable that you wouldn't question her abilities.
“First days are never easy for anyone; everyone deserves time to find their footing.” You say softly.
She nods in agreement with a small smile on her lips. “You did good today; I enjoyed working with you.”
“Me too," you reply, returning a shy smile, pausing briefly before speaking again. “Like I said, I'm around if you ever need anything.”
"Likewise," she answers with a nod before stepping away. A warmth lingering around you, filling the spot she once occupied.
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
dailybridgerton
andulkaphoto
vaporwave
titsay
