Becoming My Best Self

A place to document the mental, emotional, and physical improvements I plan to make. I am determined to become the best Kris I can be, which means I am going to learn to work harder, be a better parent, and lose a crapton of weight.

[becomingthebestkris]

i want so desperately to be better than  I am. but I’m so lazy... I want to improve myself but I’m too damn lazy to actually do anything. ugh. 

i want to lose a crapton of weight. like 150 lbs. (honestly i would settle for just 100 lbs.) i want to graduate (GOSH DANGIT.) i want to get a job and help support our family. i want to be so much more than I am. but it’s so overwhelming. i don’t know how to fix me. I’m ashamed of me. will I ever be able to be proud of myself? 

i am ashamed of nearly everything about me. i am a failure at everything I do. and no matter what I do I will never be Good Enough. I am trying to convince myself that I can be Good Enough, but since right now I fail at everything I touch it’s not going so well. ugh.

[this-fit-girl-deactivated202004]

⛅️🌤☀️

[this-fit-girl-deactivated202004]

⛅️🌤☀️

[becomingthebestkris]

Ever since those 4 days in February where I couldn’t keep any food down, I have wanted to eat ALL THE CHICKEN and vegetables. First I tried roasted carrots, then asparagus (mmmm) but neither were what I craved. I finally figured it out last week - I wanted sweet potatoes. So I have been eating lots of chicken thighs and sweet potatoes roasted in olive oil. 

I guess it’s better than craving candy all the time but it’s still random and weird and it’s lasted forever. Weird. 

[becomingthebestkris]

I had to drive Nate to work today, so I got up at 7 and worked out(!!!!!!!!!) on the elliptical for 30 minutes. I'm so proud of me. I had a protein shake for breakfast. When I dropped Nate off I got out of the car to give him a hug and then I threw up right there in the parking lot. Embarrassing. I went grocery shopping. Made myself a delicious tasty lunch of chicken, asparagus, and sweet potato, all roasted. Yum. Alas. I just threw up again. So it looks like another round of whatever this tummybug is. Boo. Still, I've cleaned and organized and cooked today. I've gotten a lot done and I'm proud of me.

[bitt3rfruit]

Who cares what they have to say about you? Just do it

[uonthaaa-deactivated20190219]

❤ let’s empower ourselves and our girls ❤

Plz like the video on YouTube !

[warag-3nb]

https://youtu.be/m9li2g3xSto

[bitt3rfruit]

A lot of people think the girls in the video are actors. they’re actual arab athletes, the first of their kind in their countries. First female Emirati parkour coach @leap.of.hope first Jordanian female boxer @arifabseiso first female Tunisian fencing Olympic bronze medal winner @ines_boubakri and First female Emirati figure skater @zahralari (Instagram handles)

[themoment-whentheteacupshatters]

One of the best parts of being married is getting to watch all the good movies you used to have shitty feelings about because of who you watched them with or where you were in your life when you watched them –

Because now you can replace those shitty feelings with fresh ones with a wonderful husband.

[becomingthebestkris]

This is such a good idea. I wonder if I can watch Moulin Rouge now...

[honestmormonblog]

Today on Facebook one of my friends posted about the church’s decision to oppose bathroom privileges for trans folk. 

The immediate next post on my timeline was this quote by Thomas S. Monson:

“If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we must treat each other with compassion and respect, showing our love in day-to-day interactions. Love offers a kind word, a patient response, a selfless act, an understanding ear, a forgiving heart. In all our associations, these and other such acts help make evident the love in our hearts.”

… … … 

…… there’s something supremely hypocritical about supporting discriminatory policies that would put thousands of innocent people in danger of assault or murder, and then turning around and talking about love. 

The church is wrong when it believes that “religious freedom” can exist in a society where the most vulnerable can be exploited and killed with impunity. The church is wrong when it thinks that Christ would oppose civil rights protections. Trans people have every right to exist as full and free members of society, and that right is based in their fundamental identity as children of God.

[nerdygaymormon]

How is denying someone to use the bathroom at school that matches their identity a religious freedom issue? (Oh, right, BYU)

[nerbert]

The Christ I follow would personally escort a trans man to the washroom, this decision by the church is inconsistent with everything we know about Christ

[foreverfitness-]

*loses 5 lbs* I don’t see a difference *gaines 0.003 lbs* Why did I let myself go

[living-fitness]

[blackmerlot-blog]

Reblog if you've got a goal to lose 40+ lbs. in 2017!

[pictureyourbestmemories]

[becomingthebestkris]

I haven’t been to class in 2 weeks. This is not okay. I am terrible and I am so mad at myself for squandering the semester so far, especially when we had to scrape together the money for it like we did. So I am going for sure tomorrow and I am re-committing myself to doing the very best it’s possible to do. I just hope it’s not too late. I’ll never forgive myself if I fail out. 

I’m so nervous I want to puke. But even if I do puke I will still be going to class. Vomit is not going to keep me away anymore. 

I’m going to start eating slow-carb on February 15th or so. (Gotta wait till next pay period.) Basically I have sucked at all of my goals for this year but I’m determined to start over. Just maybe not all at once this time. So first school. Then diet. Then I’ll take care of weaning off some medications I’m on. And we’ll go from there. 

I have to do better. I have to. 

[thediaryofafatbody]

Beautiful home cooked authentic Thai for lunch courtesy of the CEO’s mum 😍 #paleo #paleodiet #paleofood #paleolife #paleoliving #pcos #pcosdiet #pcosfighter #pcosweightloss #thailand #glutenfree #dairyfree #sugarfree #clean #cleaneats #cleaneating #weightloss #weightlossjourney #health #healthy #nutrition #lifestylechange #diet #lchf #fresh #thelifeco #green #retreat #phuket #detox (at Phuket Elephant Sanctuary)

[becomingthebestkris]

Last week: total utter fail. I did not go to class. I did not study for and subsequently bombed an exam. I ate all the things. So much lo mein. Yum. I got no exercise whatsoever. I did nothing but lie around and sleep and watch total crap and be cranky at Toby. I did not do homework. I bought 3 T-shirs I didn’t need.

I am determined to do better this week. That involves cooking dinners at home, using the elliptical for ~40 minutes every ding-dong--day, getting caught up and pulling a bit ahead on homework, going to bed at a reasonable hour and not 3 a.m. like tonight. Being less cranky on Facebook and way way way more patient with Toby. Limit naps. Clean the toilets and my bathroom counter and mirror. Read library books. Watch less crap TV. 

 Not happy at all with last week, so here is my plan to improve 

[stupidcoffeebaby]

*loses 5 lbs* I don’t see a difference

*gaines 0.003 lbs* Why did I let myself go

[justablueumbrella]