55 gallon drum of paper pulp

She/They Chronically underemployed handywoman and fixer of things. I have a history degree that not a single employer cares about, but if you do, please tell me. I'm desperate to dust off those research skills. I also do art and sometimes post it, so be on the lookout for that I guess.

[becqthefailednuke]

I like to stay anonymous on the Internet, so you won't see any pictures of me. I'm a mid 20s trans woman living in the USofA, unfortunately, and I'm chronically underemployed and a little broke. Hopefully that'll change some day. If you want to shorten my username, feel free to call me Becq, pronounced "beck." It's a play on becquerel, cause I was in college for Nuclear Engineering for a couple years before I changed directions.

I am an avid car person/girl and I like helping others with problems. If you're broke and you need aid, I don't have money right now, but I would go above and beyond to help you fix stuff. Cars and house stuff, but mostly cars.

So if you're in the state of Oregon, especially along the I-5 channel, reach out if you need help. I've got half a workshop's worth of tools rattling around in my car, and I want to keep you on the road, I know how unfortunately necessary it is to participate in society. My DMs are open.

Also I like to collect hate mail cause I'll fume for 20 minutes and then it becomes funny, so I have anon asks on. Go for it fuckers.

[bell-loved]

world changing post

[becqthefailednuke]

I HAVE BEEN QUOTING THIS FOR YEARS AND NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ME. Oh my god I am so happy to be reunited.

[becqthefailednuke]

I want to quit my job so badlyyyyy

[becqthefailednuke]

I'm just in a bad mood today, but my job is making me feel so disrespected in so many minute ways.

Like, for one, I'm a trans woman so of course there's the obvious disrespect that comes from being in a conservative population center. And you can always tell when someone is misgendering you on purpose. All day yesterday, I got ma'am and she/her'd, but today I had a guy come out of a literal two story pickup truck talk to me and end it with "thank you sir" and an awful self knowing smile. I can tell. Plus, liberals ain't so great either. Had a guy try to relate to me by saying "I think I know you, my son does drag too! Where have you performed?" Oho boy lemme tell you that was one of the most offended I've ever been. I also didn't get outwardly mad, I just told him I don't do that and let him just sorta sit with the uncomfortableness. It is not my job to make you feel better about your micro agressions.

But also the more well meaning people suck. A lot of my job includes cleaning and dealing with trash, and people just are so inconsiderate of you. Bag fell into the can? (see next paragraph as to why) Well I don't care about the person doing it, so I'll keep piling shit on top loosely. It's the not returning shit, it's completely ignoring me and avoiding eye contact. It's that they over stuff trash cans and blame me for messes. It's when I'm trying to tie up a bag that they over filled and squeezing oneeeee last thing in there, thus making it IMPOSSIBLE to close, and smiling at me and saying 😁thank you! It's that men hit on me when I'm trying to extract a modicum of joy from this job sitting at the reception desk only to awkwardly disengage when they realize I'm trans. It's the fact that when I ask people questions they LIE TO MY FACE and are very bad at it. Don't bullshit a bullshitter, and I know how to bullshit. It's that this is describing the abuse of every customer service job. It's that a lot of coworkers love me, but I seldom get to work with anyone else.

It's also management. It's the fact that to open a location, I have to get the key from that location the day before when they're open, requiring me to spend 30 minutes on a day off to deal with that. It's also that I have to do that the day after too. It's that my boss is sometimes passive aggressive with me over text, it's that she withholds information for her personal convenience, it's that my important shift notes are usually incomplete. It's that the trash bags are just slightly too big for the cans, but so flimsy that they'll tear if you tie them up. It's that my shifts are so weirdly spaced that paychecks range from $50 to $1000, and I can't live on that. It's that multiple employees have asked to have a broken lock that sticks replaced and after months, it still isn't done. It's the lack of communication, the lack of advocacy, the sparse hours, the fact it's hard to take a lunch, and that the only cool place to be sometimes is a rat infested house, or under trees on some grass cause there aren't enough benches.

I want to quit so badly, but I haven't been able to get anything better.

[becqthefailednuke]

I want to quit my job so badlyyyyy

[becqthefailednuke]

Really tired of living with my parents. I feel like I'm being treated like a teenager all the time and I'm at a point in my life where I don't feel like I can ask permission to do the things that make me happy, I just do them. But of course that is not the paradigm we have set as a household, and many of the things that make me happy are the things that annoy them, too loud, unfit for their aesthetic, unexciting, takes up space.

When I was a kid I spent a lot of time in my room playing video games, but I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to waste the time I have, but unfortunately that's one of the few activities I have been relegated to without friction.

It doesn't help that my family is very, to me, dysfunctional. Dishes pile up and I get blamed. I can't use the kitchen how I want cause that's not how they would use it. Organization is a mess. They're clutter blind to a fault nearly twice as bad as my own. They don't get what I do so they have a hard time letting me do it. Taking out the recycling is a game of chicken. I find myself extremely overwhelmed and intellectually understimulated. They're not stupid people by any stretch of the word, but I think I have maybe MAYBE two months living with them before I snap.

My girlfriend lost her job and I can't get anything that has consistent hours and pays well, so I feel trapped. They left for three weeks and their return triggered multiple panic attacks, and crying fits. I can keep it together some, but I have got to get out of here, it just makes me sad.

I don't want to be a kid anymore. I was forced to grow up really young, and to be thrust back into that environment is torturous.

[unamccormack]

For reasons I don’t entirely understand, I’m now the owner of this mug.

[becqthefailednuke]

My girlfriend is watching DS9 for the first time right now, and I'm scheduling a reblog for about when I think she'll hate cardassia the most so I can remember to show this to her then.

[becqthefailednuke]

Oh no! A lack of transparency at work is causing issues cause no one knows how a system actually works, and the only way to get things done is to go over your supervisors head!

No worries, my supervisor is mad and is simply asking people to not do that, and to voluntarily forget information as to not inconvenience her. Reinstate the chain of command, and go back to the dark ages. This will surely work in an environment with nearly no supervision.

[becqthefailednuke]

Women fawn over my naturally lush eyelashes. Some assume I'm wearing mascara. Incorrect. One of the few things that's always been feminine.

[becqthefailednuke]

I have been insistent that Eminem is the modern day Frank Sinatra. That is, he makes Black art and culture palatable to white Americans. Don't know what else to say, just that it's strange the number of white Americans that hate rap, except they'll listen to Eminem.

[becqthefailednuke]

Considering larping as a 23 year old valor stealing Vietnam war vet on various Internet forums to piss off old men. Really yank their chains. Corvette forums would rip me to shreds. But it would be a fun smooth sharking opportunity.

[quietwingsinthesky]

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

[dollbandcry]

how do people hatewatch things, i can barely find the time to read and watch all the things i actively want to, how the fuck are you putting time aside to watch an entire season of dogshit telly thats just gonna make you mad

[lierdumoa]

There is actually a rationale to this beyond self-harm, particularly if you're a creative person with a big imagination.

You don't only hate a show/book/etc. because it's bad. You hate a show because it could have been so, so good if only it hadn't wasted all that potential. It's the squandering of that potential, the betrayal of that conceptual promise the story made in the beginning, that makes you really hate it.

The thing is, if you have a wild enough imagination, you can experience both versions of the show simultaneously. You have the version of the story you hate that exists in reality, but at the same time you have the amazing version of the show, the version you would have loved if only the show had fulfilled its potential, that lives in vivid technicolor inside your imagination.

Honestly, so many of the best creative works were motivated by the creator's desire to subvert genre expectations out of spite after experiencing media that pissed them off. So many of your favorite creators are hatewatchers.

[catasters]

[becqthefailednuke]

Vile. He is emulating right wing podcasters. Meow Rogan.

[uberfluss]

first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go

[thesebonesbite]

Magnus Archives fan I see

[partywithponies]

THIS IS SO FUNNY I'M SORRY

[becqthefailednuke]

I love dogs that look like middle aged men. Where'd you get that soul? Who are you really? Can you do my taxes?

[becqthefailednuke]

I personally have really broad definitions of art, so a lot of stuff others consider nsfw just does not set off my radar. Also sex is a thing and so are bodies of all types in various levels of dress. Like I don't know why we care so much. Sometimes art can be hot, but the fact that line is so narrow is strange to me. Take my hand. We can intellectually enjoy pornography and find arousal in art. Separately. Or together.

The point I was originally going to make is that when I'm bored scrolling at work, I have to catch myself constantly because I'll see something with tiddies and not bat an eye and have to go "oh! This is not good for work!" And have to scroll real quick.

Guess what I'm saying is that I never want nudity or art censored, but I kinda wish I could flip on Mormon mode that just had all but the most mundane (excluding text. People don't read over your shoulder so fast) censored, but like I could save them for later just to see what I missed when my shitty shift ends. If this website were cool we'd still have porn on main.

[becqthefailednuke]

Thought I'd throw this in with the other Star Trek title cards.

Finally got my girlfriend to watch DS9 and every time there's an O'Brien focused episode I've been pretending to be a conductor redirecting the train from Funky Town to Torture City.