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When you check a writers masterlist and see all the fics that were discontinued/never started and you genuinely start reminiscing over what could have been
cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k
a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers ๐ฅน i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon
despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.
happy ending | alternate angst ending
being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.
toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.
toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.
you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.
you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.
when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.
being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.
that's what you loved, noโ love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.
and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.
-
you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.
"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.
"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."
"i know."
"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.
you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.
"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.
-
you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.
"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.
"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.
"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.
"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.
"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.
"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.
"iโ" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.
after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.
"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.
toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.
you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.
"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.
"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.
"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.
"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."
"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"
"maโ" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.
"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.
"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.
"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.
finally. he thought.
"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.
"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.
"i was surprised too."
"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.
"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.
"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.
he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.
"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.
-
you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.
"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"
"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.
"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.
"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.
"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."
"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.
"yes, now go and sleep okay?"
"okay."
-
megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.
"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.
"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.
-
"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.
"she's not sad-"
"yes she is."
"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.
-
megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.
"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.
"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.
"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.
"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.
"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.
-
it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.
why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.
"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.
"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"
"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.
"pancakes or rice?"
"rice!"
"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.
"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."
"sure, let's go out after we eat."
-
toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.
"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.
"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.
-
you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.
"toji? are you there?" you called.
it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.
this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.
once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?
toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.
"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.
"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.
and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.
toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago
he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.
"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.
"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.
"papa will go with us later!" he said.
"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.
he laughs at your reaction.
"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.
"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.
"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.
maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.
-
"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."
"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."
"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."
"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."
"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."
"okay, see you next time then?"
"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.
"of course, thank you. bye."
"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.
he was eavesdropping.
toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.
"a friend of mine."
"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.
you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.
"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?
sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.
-
toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.
toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.
toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.
toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.
"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.
toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.
"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."
toji was the man of your dreams.
he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.
"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.
sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.
toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.
there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.
toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.
now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.
you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.
for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.
-
toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.
"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.
"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.
"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"
"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.
you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.
"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.
"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.
"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.
"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"
"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."
"are you okay with that?" you asked.
"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.
but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.
"not gonna answer my question?"
"oh? what was it again?"
"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."
"toji-"
"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."
"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.
"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.
"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.
every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.
"good night." you mumbled.
"good night." he replied and everything was dark.
i love you, toji.
those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.
-
toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.
toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.
"i love you, toji."
he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.
"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.
he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.
is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.
toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.
it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?
you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.
-
"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.
toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.
"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.
a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.
"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."
"i'll say it if you want."
"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.
"yeah, i guess so."
-
you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.
you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.
"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.
he doesn't need to know.
"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"
-
you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.
toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.
he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.
why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.
toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.
he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.
he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.
"is there a patient named (name)?"
"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."
"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"
-
"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.
megumi approached you as he embraced you.
"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.
"a while ago.."
"where's your papa?"
"i woke up when he left."
"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"
-
as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.
"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.
"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.
she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.
"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.
"just went out. who's that for?"
"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.
"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.
toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.
"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.
"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.
"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.
toji didn't left the room that day.
you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.
you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.
"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.
"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.
"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.
you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.
"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?
"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.
"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.
"i'm not. why asking?"
"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.
you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?
it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.
"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.
"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"
"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.
you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.
"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."
you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?
as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.
heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.
maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.
-
"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"
"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.
not bad. toji thought.
"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."
"i know." toji replied.
choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.
"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.
"yes, i want to talk to you."
both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.
-
toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.
"what's funny." toji rasped.
"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"
"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."
"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.
"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."
"(name) told me a lot about you."
"i'm hoping it's the good ones."
"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.
"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.
"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."
"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.
"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"
"no, she doesn't." toji said.
"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."
"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked
"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."
"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?
-
"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.
you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?
you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.
you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.
-
"toji!" you scolded.
it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.
"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.
you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.
only because of the stupid words you said.
"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.
"let go." he mumbled.
"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.
"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.
toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.
"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.
you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.
he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.
"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.
"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.
toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.
"mama." megumi cried.
"it's fine now, he's just tired."
"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.
maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.
-
you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.
you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.
megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.
he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.
"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.
megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.
megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.
he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.
you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.
you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.
megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.
"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"
"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.
-
"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.
"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.
"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.
"okay, i love you mama."
"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."
-
when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.
he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.
toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.
"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.
megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.
"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.
"ha? where's she?"
"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.
toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.
toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.
megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.
"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."
-
"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.
"no." toji responded plainly.
"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.
-
toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.
he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.
he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.
you saw him as you sit up from the bed.
"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.
toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.
"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.
"i already drove him to school."
"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"
-
has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.
is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?
you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?
toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.
he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.
megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.
"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.
"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.
toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.
"(name)." he called.
"mh?"
"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."
not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.
the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.
megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.
megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.
but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.
"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.
"i said i'm sorry." he said.
"it's fine, you were drunk."
"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.
"don't worry, it's not that deep."
it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.
you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.
you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.
"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"
"yes."
"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.
"really?"
"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."
"but i do take rest."
"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"
"n-no."
"you're lying."
"i'm not."
"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.
"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.
"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."
"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.
"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.
"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.
"are you even hearing yourself?"
"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."
"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."
"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."
"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.
"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.
"(name). take a proper rest."
-
you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.
the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.
"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.
he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.
"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.
"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.
"i'm here." you said.
"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.
and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.
"why did you leave me?" he said.
there he goes again.
"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.
why does looking at him hurts.
"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."
what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?
you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.
"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."
-
you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.
"mama!" he said as he embraced you.
"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"
"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.
"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.
"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."
"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.
"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."
your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.
"of course, mama won't leave. never."
"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.
"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.
"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.
"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.
"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.
"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.
"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.
"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.
"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.
-
toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.
he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.
"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.
"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."
"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.
"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.
"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.
"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.
slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.
"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.
"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.
'can you stay please?'
how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.
toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.
"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.
"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.
do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.
toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.
"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.
"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.
"don't be stubborn."
"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.
"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.
speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.
"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.
"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"
"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."
-
"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.
"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.
toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.
"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.
"ahh." he instructed.
"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.
"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"
"just let me!!"
"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.
it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.
"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."
it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.
you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.
"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.
-
why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.
you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.
why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.
-
toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.
"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.
seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.
-
you were startled when the door opens.
it was toji carrying a new blanket.
"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.
"what about your work?"
"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.
"oh. thank you."
"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.
"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"
-
"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.
"megumi, don't get to close." you said.
"mama! are you okay?"
"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.
"you said mama is not sick!"
"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.
"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.
toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.
"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.
"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.
"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.
toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.
"i'm sorry." he said.
"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.
"earlier. i didn't mean it."
oh.
"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."
"ha?"
"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.
he was quiet and must be thinking about it.
"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.
"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.
"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.
"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.
you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.
"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.
you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.
"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.
"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."
he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.
he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.
"toji-"
"shh.. i do not regret any of it."
"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."
"but i am resting!"
"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."
"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.
"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."
"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"
"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.
"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.
you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.
"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.
-
"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.
toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.
"when did you found out?" you asked.
"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.
"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.
"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.
"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.
"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.
"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.
"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."
"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.
"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.
"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."
"you don't understand it, toji." you said.
"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.
"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.
when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?
toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.
"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.
you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.
you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.
that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.
-
toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.
"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.
"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.
"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.
"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.
"what do you mean?" he asked.
"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."
he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.
"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.
he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.
-
"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.
"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.
"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."
"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."
"why'd you even ask?"
"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.
"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.
"my son." you said with a smile.
"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."
"ok, i will."
-
"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.
he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.
"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.
"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."
"why?"
"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.
"it's fine." you said.
toji was watching you and his son interact.
megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.
it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.
-
megumi was running around the house as he call for you.
"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.
"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.
"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"
"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."
"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.
"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."
"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"
"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.
"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.
megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.
-
megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.
"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.
toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.
"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."
"mama get home soon, okay?"
"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."
after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.
-
megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.
"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.
he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.
toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.
he was blaming himself.
he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.
is it a right choice to finally love you?
maybe not.
first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.
toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.
toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.
toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.
"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.
"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."
"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.
"it's not if you stop focusing on it."
"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.
"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.
"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.
"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."
"thank you, 'gumi."
"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.
"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.
"why?" you asked.
"papa misses you, mama."
"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.
"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.
-
megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.
he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.
"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.
megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.
"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.
"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."
"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"
"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."
-
"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.
"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.
you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.
why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.
toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.
what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.
you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.
you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?
as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.
"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.
"how are you feeling?"
"nice, i guess?"
"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.
"wow really?!" you said excitedly.
"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"
"they just left."
"call them back so you could finally go home with them."
-
"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.
"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."
"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"
"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."
"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.
"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.
-
toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.
"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.
"i'll just finish this." you said.
toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.
he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.
the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.
but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.
"just take a rest." toji said.
"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.
weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?
"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.
"do you know what you'll do?"
"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.
"okay, let me know if you're done."
-
you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.
that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.
"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.
"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.
"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.
-
you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.
the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.
"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.
"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.
"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.
"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.
"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.
what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.
-
getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.
he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.
"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.
-
you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.
"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.
the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.
"that'sโ" you gasped.
"no, listenโ" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital
you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.
"well, if that's what you want."
"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.
your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.
"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.
"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.
"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.
toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.
"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.
"why?"
"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.
"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.
"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.
"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.
"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.
you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.
-
it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.
it suddenly became awkward.
toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.
toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.
toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)
there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.
"can't sleep?" he asked.
"yeah, what about you?"
"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?
"about the divorce-"
"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."
"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.
"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.
"was it because you found out i was sick?"
"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"
"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.
"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.
"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.
"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.
"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.
"then that goes the same for me."
-
"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.
"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.
"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"
"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.
"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.
"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.
"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.
"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.
"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."
oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.
"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.
family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-
your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.
"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.
"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.
"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.
"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.
"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.
-
"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.
"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.
"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.
"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.
"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.
"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.
"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.
"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.
"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"
"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.
you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.
"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.
"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.
"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.
"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.
"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."
"is that why papa have a scar?"
"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.
unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.
-
toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.
but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?
you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.
you picked it up as you read the note.
'this is for you, i hope you like it.'
you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.
you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.
-
"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.
"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.
"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.
"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.
"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.
"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.
as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."
toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.
"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.
"he recommended me another medicine."
"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.
"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."
"ah, is that so?"
"mhm."
"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.
"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.
"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.
"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.
it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.
toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.
your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.
toji sighed as he closed the door.
"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.
"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.
"have you eaten?" you asked.
"ye-"
"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.
"megumi?" he asked.
"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.
"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.
"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.
"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."
"hurryy."
"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.
"no."
"why are you being clingy?" he asked.
"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.
you didn't even smell like alcohol.
"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.
"alright."
"you didn't answer me yet."
"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.
"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.
toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.
"good night." i love you too.
-
it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.
you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.
"i'm home." toji mumbled.
"welcome back!" you exclaimed.
if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.
it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.
"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.
"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.
"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.
"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.
"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.
-
"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.
"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.
"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.
"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.
"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.
toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.
"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.
"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.
"thank you for the food."
-
another bad day.
you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.
"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.
"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.
"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.
toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.
"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.
"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.
"i can do it myself."
"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.
"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.
-
"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.
"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.
-
thank goodness it was saturday today.
your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.
"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.
"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.
"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.
"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.
"shut up!"
-
"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.
"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.
"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.
after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.
"toji-"
"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.
"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"
"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"
"but-"
"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.
"thank you.. i love it but, why?"
"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.
"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.
"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.
"i understand." you said as you laughed.
"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.
"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.
"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.
finally. it's finally happening.
"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.
synopsis:ย constantly being in a high risk environment made it very difficult to have a regulated period schedule, let alone keep track of one. so when the bloody mistress eventually came knocking when you least expected her, your minor inconvenience unlocked an experience way above your pay grade.
pairing: vampire!bonten x fem!reader
warnings: suggestive themes, MDI. periods (RAH NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE), descriptive words, implied red light special, and i think that's it :)))
notes: based on my own aunt flo who decided she wanted to pay me a little early visit while I was at work ๐๐๐ went experimental with this, might delve into this concept a little more(??) we shall see how the creative juices are feeling lol hope you enjoy!
You shouldโve known the second that pimple showed up.ย
Right there, smack-dab in between your eyebrows, was the angry, oily warning sign that always informed you the dreaded lining of your uterus was about to punish you for not getting pregnant. However, with how these past couple of weeks had been, you figured it was just a sign of stress and nothing more. On top of dealing with an irregular sleep schedule, working for irregular men, with their irregular demands, itโs no wonder your hormones had beenโฆwell, irregular.ย
But, as you gaped down in horror at the small crime scene awaiting in your underwear, needless to say it wasnโt the latte that had you cramping up all morning.ย
โOhgod,โ you groaned.ย
You couldโve sworn you were keeping track of it, even downloading apps to help do so. But, the more you thought about it.. you couldnโt even recall the last time you opened them. Reaching in your bag to grab your phone, you were quick to scroll and tap on the familiar red icon, gnawing on your lower lip untilโโShit!โย
โ PERIOD MAY START TODAY. โ
You tried not to panic, knowing it would only make it worse, but given the circumstances all you wanted to do was cry. Today would be the day you forget your little pouch that was filled to the brim with the necessities, even flushable wipes to help relieve from the uncomfortable use of dry toilet paper. Your first mistake. Not to mention the dispensary on the wall was completely empty, void of a single pad, hell, not even a panty liner. You wracked your brain to think of any of the women on staff who you could contact and request for an emergency tampon or something to be brought to your stall, but realized most of them had already left for the day. Working as close as you did with the executives meant staying longer compared to the restโฆleaving them as your only means of salvation.
As normalized having your period was, your job was heavily male-centered, and the absolute last thing you wanted to do was have even the briefest of discussions regarding your pussy, especially when it came to her monthly tantrum. You couldnโt stay in that stall forever, especially if they came looking for you after a while. And it would be more mortifying if your superiors thought you were taking a dump on company timeโฆ
With a deep breath, you steeled yourself. Gathering as much toilet paper as you could, you created a makeshift pad thick enough to hopefully catch most of the heavy flow and keep it from staining through. Thankfully, you wore dark colored slacks today.
Flushing the toilet, you carefully pull up your underwear and pants so as not to disturb the placement of your DIY project, doing a little shimmy to adjust accordingly for comfort. Exiting the stall, you washed your hands and looked at yourself in the mirror, glaring at the pimple between your browsโAs if its mere existence was the reason for your predicament. Shaking your hands dry, you patted the remainder of cool water on your face and neck, taking a few more deep breaths before forcing a smile; act natural. All you had to do was act natural until you were dismissed, and youโd be home free.
Stiffly walking down the hall, already feeling the floodgates pouring into the mounds of two-ply stuffed in your pants, you grimaced. The closer you got to the doors leading into the lion's den, the more your heart thudded in your chest. Everything was going to be fine, was your mantra. Sure, youโd be uncomfortable for the next thirty minutes, shifting in your seat restlessly as the paper offered no cushion nor comfort, but at least youโd finish the day with your dignity still intact.
โYou smell different.โ
Or, so you thought.
Not even five minutes after sitting down, Sanzu of all people leaned over to inform you of this fact. A couple thoughts circulated in panicโHe can smell your stress sweat, or worse, he can smell the blood. Both were irrational, utterly preposterous. The second in command had a sensitive nose, but he wasnโt a hound. Probablyโฆ
Deciding to play it cool, you simply replied softly, โNew perfume.โ
He paused for a moment, as if contemplating whether that was a suitable explanation. Finally, he shrugged, leaning back in his chair. Releasing a breath you didnโt realize you were holding, you adjusted in your seat already regretting not putting an extra layer of toilet paper for good measure, diaper-butt be damned. One could only hope itโll hold you until time to clock out. You took notes, redirecting your focus to the task at hand rather than counting the minutes down in your head. However, a sudden squeeze in your lower abdomen was the only warning you got until your endometrium decided to shed more on your parade, the thick warmth an uncomfortable reminder you and your panties were on borrowed time.
The first few days were always the heaviest, and god forbid you overestimate the hold in the toilet paper and bleed on the chair.
โ[_____].โ You jumped at the sudden cut into your internal crisis, inadvertently pushing out more blood. With an inaudible groan, you looked at your other superior, Kakucho, who had a raised brow. โAre you with us?โ
You blinked. A brief scan of the room revealed they asked for your input on something. And you were clearly elsewhere. โOh. Oh uhโฆyes, I am. Mustโve spaced out, sorry. Could you repeat, please?โ
โI asked if you brought the Kobayashi file?โ
You blinked again. Shit, shit, shit.ย
You left it on your desk. Walking that distance and back would surely disturb the project in your pants, no doubt one wrong move could shift the whole thing into a bundled up nightmare damn near riding up your asscrack. Internally, youโre screaming into the void.
โ[_____].โ
Composing yourself, you cleared your throat. โI know that file in and out, sir.โ
โโฆThatโs not what I asked.โย You sweatdropped. โIs everything alright?โ
Your facade crumbled a millimeter. โEverythingโs great. I was merely implying Iโm familiar with the contents in the file that we donโt even need it to be in the room. Thatโs all.โ
You heard a snort from somewhere in the room.
Kakucho, ever the master of a poker face, couldnโt help but fix you with a bemused expression. And he wouldnโt be the only one. Despite his usual indifference, youโve unfortunately caught the attention of the boss. Mikeyโs gaze slowly lifted, trailing to your stiffening form just mere feet away. He stared, unblinking. Normally, this wouldnโt faze you, being under his unwavering watch. But today, in this moment, youโve never felt more exposed.
You fought down the urge to squirm.
โSo, you didnโt bring it.โ Kokonoi stated, smirking. โOur dear [_____], slacking on her job. Hell mustโve froze over.โ
โAlso the last one in the room. Tsk, tsk. Thatโs a red mark on your perfect attendance.โ Ran attempted to joke, but his wording couldnโt have been more correct. Feeling the toilet paper line of defense grow weaker against the Trojan War shedding from your uterus, you could only pray you wouldnโt have another red mark stained onto the seat.
With a huff, you attempted to derail. โLetโs not dwell on something trivial, it was a minor slip up.โ
โThen go get it.โ
You froze. Mikey continued to eye you, intently. His simple command hung in the air like bait in shark infested waters. He watched your throat bob slightly, as if he just asked you to do the impossible. Something so simple as getting up and walking, yet you visibly hesitated. A ghost of a grin graced his face. โWell?โ
โI-IโฆI wouldnโt want to cause a delay-โ
โYou already have. Go get it.โ
โSir-โย
Sanzu yet again interjected himself into your plight, taking offense to your blatant disrespect to Mikeyโs authority. He hissed, โYou deaf or dumb? Get your ass up before I drag you out the seat.โย
You held your hand up to his snarl, brow twitching. โAlright.โ You pushed back from the table, standing straight as a board and fists clenched to your sides. Training your eyes on the doors ahead, all you needed to do was put one foot in front of the other. Doesnโt matter that their pointed stares felt like tiny probes in your skin, tracking every twitch and stiff movement as the path in front of you seemed to grow longer and longer with each step; tunnel vision wouldnโt even begin to describe.ย
However, your chosen obliviousness to gazes around you would be your second mistake.ย
Everything felt as if it occurred in slow motion. Passing the head of the table, past Mikeyโs chair, his hand swiftly shot out to shackle around your wristโtightly. You winced, lashes fluttering in shock as you fixed a startled expression at the platinum blonde. Mikey didnโt bother providing an explanation, and his hair curtained his face where you couldnโt gauge what he was thinking. You turned to the others at the table, only to pale at the sight of them already staring back. A chill crawled down your neck, as if something within the room hadโฆchanged somehow.
โMm. Thought so.โ He eventually voiced.ย
This offered no clarification, merely furthering your confusion and concern with the strange energy palpitating around you. Kakucho roughly loosened his tie, as if suddenly too tight around the collar. Kokonoi held a hand over the bottom half of his face, as if trying to block something from invading his nose, Sanzu appeared the same as he fixed you with a feral sneer that could only be described as unbridled disdain. Ran could hardly contain his excitement, nudging his brother as they exchanged a silent conversation, Rindou biting the inside of his cheek to fight back a grin. Mochi cleared his throat a few times, adjusting in his seat, unable to find comfort no matter how much he fidgeted. Takeomi dragged a hand down his face, cigarette nearly slipping out his mouth from how his lips trembled.ย
You wouldโve continued to be a deer in headlights if not for the feeling of Mikey rubbing his thumb across the veins on your inner wrist. Instinctively, you jerked away, alarm bells sounding off despite not understanding where the danger was coming from. But, his grip didnโt falter. If anything, he tugged you closer. Slowly, he lifted his head to meet your troubled gazeโฆyour pattering heart dropped.ย
No longer an inky abyss staring back at you. But something far worse.ย
โI knew it would pay off at some pointโฆโ He muttered, tugging you once more until he was able to nose at your wrist. โAlways so punctualโฆnever slip up. Not once.โย
โW-Whatโฆโ you stammered, face heating slightly at his display of affection. โI..I donโt..โย
โAll that overtime sure blends the days together, doesn't it? Have you losing track of important stuff likeโฆ time. Or, files. A particular monthly occurrence, perhaps?โ Mikey felt your pulse jump. He grinned, the overhead light catching the abnormally sharp end of his cuspid.ย
Your breath hitched. Snatching your wrist away, you stumbled back to where you almost tripped over yourself. Before you could think to swiftly turn on your heel and book it for the exit, hands grab your forearms from behind, effectively blocking you from escape. A small scream lurches from you, head jerking to the side to come face to face with Sanzuโฆwho you swore was on the other side of the room. He leaned down to sniff at you, nose pressed to the pulse in your neck. You struggled to no avail, his usual strength overpowering yours but this feltโฆdifferent. After a particular inhale, he groaned deep within his chest. โFuckinโ knew itโฆfrom the second you sat down. Smelled sweeter than yesterday.โย
โPoor thing mustโve forgot her silly little scent blockers.โ Kokonoi spoke, condescendingly. His hand was still covering the bottom of his face, not like it made a difference. โYou just arenโt on the ball today.โ
Scent blockers? Rindou snorted at your visible confusion. โThose napkin things you shove in your panties. That artificial flowery shit works like repellent."ย ย ย
Ran gave a low whistle. โYeah, gives ya one hell of a migraine. Pads, tampons, pantyliners, you name it. Makes it easier to keep our urges in check, at least. Must be an unlucky day. Wellโฆunlucky for you.โ He winked.ย
โDonโt think thatโs the part troubling her.โ Mochi dryly replied. โSomoneโs gotta address the elephant in the roomโฆโย ย
โAh, sheโs a smart girl. Iโm sure sheโs already figured it out by now.โย
The brothers flashed you their sharp smiles, eyes glowing in a way that resembled that of predators watching from the trees. Your knees nearly gave out, knocking together before Sanzu quickly caught you, forcing you to stand. When you woke up in a rush this morning, phone uncharged, breakfast missed and bag haphazardly packed, you supposed that shouldโve been a sign. Hours later, when you sat in a bathroom stall with your period staring back at you and a forgotten emergency kit left at home, you supposed that shouldโve been a warning.ย
Now?ย
Here you were, standing in the midst of a supernatural discovery at your most vulnerable, practically a walking blood-bank, in a room full of goddamn vampires.ย
And ones whoโve clearly been plotting on your downfall.ย
โY-...You guys are fucking with me, right? I mean, wearing fake fangs, and those ridiculous Halloween contacts just to scare me a littleโฆvery funnyโฆโย
Mikey leaned on his closed fist, elbow perched on the table. He eyed you, mirthful. โSounds like youโre trying to convince yourself, sweetheart.โย
At that, your eyes closed in resignation. This was insane. No, asinine.ย
With a shuttered exhale, you meekly asked, โAre you going to kill me?โย
The silence that followed after your question was very loud. Thankfully, Kakucho felt that youโve sweated long enough, breaking the quiet with a hefty sigh. โNo. We arenโt.โย
โYet.โ Sanzu added, just to be a nuisance. Kakucho shot him a look, then continued.ย
โFranklyโฆweโve been meaning to propose something to you.โย
Your brows furrowed. โ...Propose what?โย
Sanzuโs grip around your forearms loosened when it appeared you werenโt going to make a run for it. Not like you wouldโve made it far anyway. Mikey swiveled in his chair, facing you fully. โSimple. We feed off you. And you get to keep your life.โย
You gaffawed.ย โOh, is that all? Well, why didnโt you say so?โ Sarcasm dripped from you like the red river between your thighs. None of them reacted, merely watched with intensity that had you gulping down any other remarks. โWhy me?โย
โConvenience,โ Mikey shrugged, swinging his leg, โsince you work so closely with us, we wonโt need to risk searching for an applicable donor who canโt be trusted to keep their mouth shut. Plus, we can ease yourโฆbloodflow.โย
With a grimace, you shook your head. โNo, no, absolutely not. Thereโs no way in hell Iโm going to let my bosses drink my blood, let alone my period blood. Nope, fuck no, thatโs not happening, youโre just gonna have to kill meโโย
โWeโll give you a 30% raise. And a company car.โ Kakucho offered, nodding over to Kokonoi who was already tapping away on his laptop with one hand. โWeโll even supply you with all the menstrual products, supplements, comfort items needed during each feeding process.โย
โYou had me at raise, where do I sign?โ
ยฉ 2026-2027 anisespice ใ all rights reserved.
likes, comments & reblogs much appreciated!
rindou thinks that heโd never see the day where his older brother gets tied down to a relationship willingly. he never thought heโd see the day where ran would smile when a notification pops up on his phone and god forbid even giggle when he thinks no one can hear him.
it wasโฆ weird to say the least, but rindou thinks that his brother being settled down brought a better side out of his brother.
โhey, rindou?โ so it was odd that you were calling him out of the blue, asking where his older brother was.
โis he not with you?โ rindou questions, he hears you let out a confused sound.ย
โwhat? he said heโs with you.โ rindou was now confused, he heard you sigh from the other end.ย
โno? i mean, i was with him this morning but his phone was ringing and it sounded urgentโฆ butโฆโย
โbut?โ rindou goaded, โhe said it was you but a girl answered in his stead.โ rindou freezes in his tracks.ย
it canโt be. thereโs no way his brother is capable of doing that to you.ย
โhuh?โ โanyway,โ you cut his confusion off. โif you hear from him let meโโ โheโs with me.โ rindou said.ย
โare you sure?โ โyeah, he said weโre going to meet up, i can see him right now.โ rindou continues and he can hear you hum as a response.ย
โiโll tell him that you were looking for him, donโt worry.โ rindou promises. โoh. okay then.โ you say before rindou bids you a goodbye, ending the call, feeling conflicted.ย
meanwhileโฆ
you hear ran laugh from beside you as you stare down at the recently ended phone call.ย
โi knew my brother would have my back.โ โoh, so you do have intentions on lying where you are?โ ran blinks once before he squints his eyes.ย
โyouโre the one who wanted to try this trend out!โ โwell that was befoโโ you were interrupted by ranโs phone ringing.ย
โhold that thought, babe.โ ran says as he answers the call, placing the phone on his ear.ย
โhellโโ โwhere are you?โ you can hear rindouโs voice from the other side of the call.ย
โwhat?โ ran asks, playing dumb, now putting the phone on speaker.ย
โwhere the fuck are you?โ rindou repeats, his tone hard.
โiโmโฆ home.โ ran answers. โbullshit.โ rindou responds. โ(y/n) just called me and said that she thought we were out, and last time i checked, we do not have anything planned for the day. so again, where the fuck are you?โ
ran scoffs, โwhy does it matter? canโt you just cover for me?โย
if only the both of you could see how pissed rindou was.
โaniki, what the fuck is wrong with you?โ
you watched with widened eyes and a proud smile as rindou straightened things out with his brother.
โitโs nothing, just tell (y/n) weโre out and sheโll take your word for it, just do me a solid.โย
โno.โย
โno?โย
โno, ran. for fuckโs sake, donโt do that to (y/n). donโt do shit that will make her doubt you because she is the best thing thatโs ever happened to you and you wanna fucking ruin it?โ rindou went off on a tangent, saying how ran was visibly happier and healthier ever since he met you.ย
โโand you even told me about your plans to fucking marry her and you pull this shit?!โ your eyes widened, so did ranโs. none of you were expecting rindouโs rant to reveal ranโs secret.ย
โhow the fuck can you open up about how you want to spend the rest of your life with her but you canโt even tell her where youโre going?โ rindou was progressively getting frustrated. not just with his brother, but also the fact that you might get hurt due to his brotherโs actions.ย
rindou already knew from the start that you and ran were it. and he was looking forward to you becoming his sister-in-law, but now, his stupid brother is about to ruin things? rindouโs rant was cut off when he heard your familiar voice greet the phone.ย
โhey, rindou.โ you say with an amused tone. โ(y/n)??โ rindou asks, you hum a confirmation.ย
โuhโฆ this was a prankโโ rindouโs forehead throbbed in annoyance.ย
god, the two of you will kill him so early on in his life, he swears.ย
โdidnโt know you care so much about my relationship, rinrin. you even exposed my plans in proposing!โย
โmaybe donโt prank me insinuating that youโre cheating then i wonโt!โ rindou tightens his grip on his phone, he closes his eyes before he takes a deep breath.ย
โthe two of you truly are perfect for each other, stop wasting my time.โ rindou says, preparing to hang up.ย
โiโm glad youโre not an ass tho, aniki.โ before ran could say anything, the phone cuts off and you were giggling at his expression.
โrindouโฆ that guy.โ ran sighs, โhe really doesnโt have a handle on his emotions, are you sure heโs the right guy to prank?โย
โyouโre just salty that he exposed your plans of proposing.โ you sigh playfully, โif i were you, you better tie me down before i fly away.โ you tease with a wink, ran smirks at your playful nature.ย
โโcourse i will, pretty girl.โ your heart stuttered in your chest at the promise.ย
โ...but iโm not doing it in a car in the bonten parking lot after we pranked my brother.โ he winks, โbetter be prepared for it, then.โย
it seemed like ran was a very impatient man as he proposed in the most ran way possible only a few hours later.ย
Reader who tries to call the suicide hotline and accidentally calls Bonten Rindou instead !!!
Hello hello, this is finally done!! HOWEVER english isn't my first language, i use a not so competent translator so tell me if you catch any mistakes!
The music still vibrated within the walls, even from the upper floor, like a beast trapped beneath the building's skin. The bass rose in steady waves, passing through glass, metal, bones, reminding Rindou that the night was just beginning and that everything here belonged to him, and Bonten: the lights, the bodies dancing without knowing why, the alcohol, the latent violence, the money changing hands in the shadows.
He was sitting at his desk, half-smoked cigarette forgotten in the ashtray, when a phone vibrated. An unknown number?
He frowned slightly, then picked up the phone slowly, as if he already knew that nothing good ever came from these kinds of calls.
โSpeak,โ he said in a low, calm voice, already tinged with annoyance.
First there was a breath. Long, jerky. Then another. As if the person on the other end was trying to regain possession of their lungs. No words. Just that rapid, irregular breathing, crashing against the receiver.
Rindou slowly turned his head toward the bay window overlooking the dance floor, watching the blurry silhouettes collide under the strobe lights, and wondered for a brief moment if someone was trying to test his patience.
โYou called the wrong number,โ he finally said, without raising his voice, with that sharp neutrality that always preceded something worse. โHang up.โ
A muffled sob answered in her place.
This time, he really looked away from the club, his eyes fixed on an invisible point somewhere in front of him. The silence that followed was no longer that of a poorly executed prank, but an unstable, dangerous void, like a room that was too quiet after an explosion.
โ...I... I'm sorry,โ whispered a female voice, barely audible, as if speaking required an enormous effort. โI... I thought it was...โ
She paused. Swallowed. Still breathing too fast. Rindou sighed slowly.
โListen carefully,โ he said, even colder. โI don't know who you are, I don't know what you want, and I don't have time for this. You must have dialed the wrong number. It happens. Now hang up.โ
He was about to end the call when the voice spoke again, clearer but also more fragile, as if she had decided to give up rather than fight.
โCan... can I stay a little longer? Just... just a minute.โ
The request was not insistent. Nor was it pleading. It was tired. Empty. As if it had already passed the point where one fights to be heard.
Rindou sat up slightly in his seat, an almost imperceptible tension creeping into his shoulders. He didn't like that tone. He didn't like the way certain voices clung without touching, asked without demanding.
โYou called a private club in Roppongi,โ he replied, deliberately leaving the information hanging without further explanation. โIf you're looking for help, it's not here.โ
A brief, broken laugh reached him, immediately stifled by another sob.
โI know... I know it's not here. I wanted to call... well... they always say to call someone when it gets too much, but I must have reversed a number or... I don't know.โ
She spoke as if confessing to an empty room, without expecting a response. The words came out in no particular order, carried by a dull, clumsy urgency.
Rindou rose slowly, taking a few steps around the room, his boots striking the floor with regularity. Each step was a reminder: he wasn't stuck in this call. He could hang up. Now. No one would blame him.
โYou made a mistake,โ he repeated. โFix it.โ
โI... I can't look at my phone anymore,โ she whispered. โMy hands are shaking too much.โ
Oh God. It wasn't the sentence itself. It was the way it had been said, without dramatization, without any attempt to provoke a reaction. A raw, almost clinical observation, as if she were observing her own body from the outside.
Rindou remained silent for a few seconds too long.
โIt's not my problem,โ he finally said, but his voice had lost some of its harshness. โPut down your phone. Breathe. And call the right number.โ
โAre... are you going to hang up?โ she asked suddenly.
The question hung between them.
Below, the music changed tempo, becoming heavier and slower, while Rindou continued to stare into space, aware, though unwilling to admit it yet, that this call was not a trivial mistake, and that hanging up now would be the simplest, and perhaps the most definitive, decision.
He didn't answer right away.
The line remained open.
The silence stretched, thick, almost palpable, like a blanket of stagnant smoke in a closed room. Rindou didn't speak anymore.
At the other end of the line, the woman breathed again. More slowly this time, but with that unsettling irregularity that betrayed the conscious effort behind each breath, as if her body refused to obey without prior negotiation. "You're still there..." she murmured, with almost childlike caution.
Rindou clicked his tongue against his palate, annoyed by the mere fact that the question was even being asked. "Yeah," he replied. "I'm here."
He would have liked it to sound like an obvious, inconsequential response, a mechanical answer, but the word had slipped out of his mouth with a weight he hadn't anticipated.
He sat back down. Outside the room, everything was working perfectly. The men were doing their job. The customers drank, laughed, and ignored. The world followed its usual trajectory, indifferent to the trembling voice stuck in his ear. "What's your name?" he asked, more out of reflex than curiosity.
"...It's not important."
The response was neither curt nor defensive. She simply slipped, tired, as if the very concept of identity had lost its relevance.
"If you want to stay online, it is," he replied, without aggression, but with that quiet firmness that didn't really leave room for refusal. There was a moment of hesitation, then: "(name)".
The first name floated between them for a moment, fragile, almost out of place in this space saturated with music and contained violence. "Good," he said. "Now, tell me why you looked up that number."
She gave a joyless laugh, brief, immediately broken. "I wasn't looking for this number. I was just looking for... someone. They say that talking can help. That you need to call before doing something stupid."
"And are you planning to do so?" he asked, bluntly, without beating around the bush, as if it were a logistical question.
The woman's breath caught. There was no immediate response. Just that too-long suspension, that gaping space where everything was decided without words.
"...I think so," she finally admitted, in a voice so low that she already seemed to be drifting away.
Rindou inhaled slowly, deeply, as if he had just received crucial information in a dangerous negotiation. It wasn't death that affected him (he was too often in its company for that) but the way it announced itself here, naked and without anger, simply tired of existing.
"Have you done anything?" he asked.
"No."
"Do you have something near you?"
A new silence. More tense.
"...Yes."
He slightly clenched his jaw. "Put it down"
"Iโ"ย
"Put it down."
His voice cracked, harder this time, devoid of any ambiguity. It was not a request. It was an order, raw, instinctive, the one he used on his men when mistakes were no longer allowed. He heard a dull, muffled sound, like an object being placed down reluctantly. Then a sob that she tried in vain to hold back. "There," she murmured. "It's done."
Rindou stood up again, unable to stay still, his steps leading him to the window. Below, a woman was laughing too loudly on a man's arm, a bottle in hand, oblivious to how easily existence could crack without warning.
"Look..." he said, even tho he knew perfectly well that she couldn't. "If you really wanted to die, you wouldn't have called. Even by mistake."
"I was just scared..." she confessed. "I'm tired of being scared all the time."
That sentence hit him harder than all the others. Fear, he understood it. He manipulated it. He provoked it in others like a tool. But hearing it phrased like that, not as a reaction but as a permanent state, a chronic weariness of the soul, left a bitter taste in his mouth.
"Fear passes," he finally said. "Not always quickly. Not always cleanly. But it works."
"You know nothing about it," she replied softly.
He gave a joyless smile. "Yes. I know something about it."
There was a new breath, calmer. Not calmed. But grounded. "AndโฆYou are...?" she suddenly asked.
Rindou hesitated for a fraction of a second.
"Someone."
The answer seemed to satisfy her, or at least give her something to hold onto, because she didn't insist.
"Are you going to stay with me a little longer?" she asked.
He looked at the time on his phone, then at the people, then at the still-open line. "Yeah," he replied. "But listen carefully to what I'm going to tell you."
His voice lowered, more serious, more grave. "Tonight, you do nothing. You breathe. You talk. And then, I'll pass you on to someone competent. Not me."
A breath, almost a nervous laugh.
"Okay."
The music changed again downstairs, but this time, Rindou could hardly hear it anymore. All his attention was suspended on that fragile line, aware that somewhere, in an anonymous apartment, a life was still standing, not out of hope, but because they hadn't let silence fall over it.
The woman's voice had gradually stabilized, not because everything was suddenly better, but because talking prevented her from sinking. She described unimportant things, the color of the walls of her apartment, the chipped cup on the coffee table, the rain that began to hit the window with a hypnotic regularity, as if simply naming them was enough to anchor them in reality, to prove that she still existed here, now.
Rindou listened to her without interrupting, leaning against the cold window, his gaze lost. He didn't comment. Did not console. He would sometimes punctuate with a hm or a continue, keeping the line open like one keeps a door ajar, just enough to prevent someone from disappearing on the other side.
When she stopped talking, it wasn't abruptly. Her voice slowly faded, replaced by regular breathing, less erratic, almost... normal.
"Listen," he finally said.
"Yes?"
"You told me you were alone."
"Yes."
He took his secondary phone out of his pocket, slid his thumb across the screen, his gestures precise, methodical, completely devoid of apparent emotion. He didn't need to ask for much to get what he wanted. The number. The approximate location. The rest would follow.
"You're going to open your door in a few minutes," he continued. "Not to me."
She inhaled more deeply. "To whom?"
"To people whose job it is to stay when others no longer know what to do." An uneasy silence.
"Did you call the police?"
The word seemed to terrify her almost as much as the rest. "No," he replied. "Not exactly." It wasn't a lie. Not entirely.
ย Criminals calling social services... We've seen it all.
He sent one last message, brief, coded, to one of his men, before putting the phone away.
"Listen to me carefully. When theyโre there, you hang up. You talk to them. You do what they tell you. After that, I no longer exist for you. Understood?"
She seemed to ponder this idea for a long time. "Can I... can I thank you beforehand?" she asked, almost timidly.
Rindou frowned slightly. "Don't do that," he said sharply.
"Why?"
"Because I haven't done anything exceptional." It wasn't false modesty. It was a categorical refusal to give this moment a noble meaning.
A noise came through the receiver. Footsteps in the hallway. A muffled voice behind the door. The woman took a deep breath, as if to gather courage.
"They're here," she whispered.
"Good."
She hesitated for another second. "Are you going to hang up?"
"Yes."
"Okay... then... good night."
The word resonated strangely, too soft for the situation, too simple for all it contained. "Good night," he replied.
The line went dead.
Rindou remained still, the phone still against his ear, long after the call had ended. The club music slowly returned to his consciousness, the bass hitting his body again, reminding him that the world hadn't changed, that nothing had stopped for this conversation.
He looked at the black screen for a few more seconds, then locked his phone and slipped it into his pocket.
When he left his office, his men immediately stood up straight, ready to receive orders. He passed by them without a word, descending toward the runway, blending into the crowd as if nothing had happened.
Yet, later, long after closing, when he found himself alone in the returned silence, he stopped in front of the ashtray where his cigarette had completely burned out, reduced to a useless filament of ash. He let out a brief, humorless laugh. He had saved nothing. He hadn't fixed anything. He had just prevented someone from falling that night.
And it was, against all expectations, enough to disturb him much more than all the deaths he left behind.
Warning: AFAB!Reader, Dark/DD DONโT EAT, ANGST, Family issues, older Tim and Brian, slight age gap (Tim and Brian are early to mid 30โs, reader is mid 20โs).
Summary: Invited to spend Christmas at her grandparentsโ rural farm, she expects a quiet holidayโunaware that their ranch hands, Tim and Brian, have already decided she belongs with them. When a winter โaccidentโ leaves her alone, their comforting devotion becomes the very thing that traps her.
Thank you @cryingintheclubdhmu for help with this! I know you might think it was simple help, but to me it meant a fuck tonโค๏ธโ๐ฉน๐ฉท
A/n: Iโm gonna have to make a part 2๐ผ๐
The beginning of November was always something you looked forward toโever since you were a kid. Now at age 19, itโs still something you look forward to. That age marked the time in your life that you finally escaped your parentsโ house and built a life of your ownโ real.. but shaky.
It hadnโt been easy.. I mean it was life. Of course itโs not going to be easy. Nothing about living in that environment ever was. The world was cruel, and your parents werenโt even half of it.
It always felt like walking on glass, cutting your foot and apologizing even though it wasnโt your fault the glass was broken in the first place.
But you did it, you survived itโendured it.
And throughout all of it, the only thing keeping you sane was your grandparents.
You loved your parents, but sometimes they became so unbelievably bitter with your life.. especially your mother. The woman who said she loved you more than all things worth, but you hardly ever saw her, or your father, as a kidโgrandparents being your shield, rock, and, at this point, your parents.
You owed them everything you had, so the least you could do is spend the season with them.
They never pressured you. Never rushed you. Never twisted your choices into obligations. They simply cared.
Genuinely.
Patiently.
By the time you were sixteen, they had practically raised you anyway.
Spending the holidays with them wasnโt a chore.
It was a comfort.
It was home.
You planned for months to go to the countryside to visit your grandparentsโฆ. Behind your parentโs back.
But, itโs not necessarily โbehind their backโ if you had nothing to do with them, nor they you, half the time.
The planning was easy, telling your mother about it was a whole different story.
The moment you mentioned leaving town for a while, your mother exploded. Her voice shrieking waves through your car speakers, cursing up a storm and spewing words like a geyserโaccusing you of โabandoning familyโ. Even if she hadnโt left town within a twenty-mile radius in years.
You had a headache, jaw clenched so tight your brain pulsed, knuckles lightened in color around the steering wheel. Chewing the inside of your cheek till the taste of iron coats your taste buds.
โMhm,โ you said. Knowing the women on the other end couldnโt hear you for shit.
โYes, maโam.โ
And โI know.โ
Some โUh-huh.โโs
Following behind in replies. It was all you could get out without starting a fight that would last for weeks.
You looked at the clock on your cars screen.
9:34 in the morning..
She had been yelling at you for 14 minutes straight and you havenโt even gotten to the outside of town yet.
After 2 minutes, you were finally fed up, cutting her off mid-rant.
โOkay, Momโ y..yes! Iโ oh no, Iโm losing you!โ
You shouted it loud enough to drown her out, hanging up before she could screech back.
The silence that followed felt like oxygen.
Sweet, relaxing oxygen as you turned on the radio. Slumping back in your drivers seat, one hand rubbing circles on your temple and the other on the steering wheel.
God, you needed this trip.
You needed them.
You sigh, watching the road in front of you as you drive.
Snow had started collecting on your windshield.
The farther you drove, the more everything familiar disappeared behind you.
Tall buildings faded into sparse houses. Then soon it was miles and miles of fields. And then, even the fields gave way to dense, dark pine.
You had drove for 3 hours already, finally finding a stop at a gas station. You throw on your jacket, getting out of your car and buying gas to fill your it.
The temperature had dropped from mid 80โs to a low 20. Rubbing your hands together as you fill the vehicle up with gas. Back leaned against the side of your black car, watching the snow fall. Your back and bottom hurt from sitting too long, stretching your arms over your head as you waited for the gas to fill the tank.
It was peaceful.. in, a weird way. Watching the snow fall, it gave you a rare sense of peace.
You pull your phone out of your jacket pocket, scrolling through your contacts to find your grandparentsโ home cell.
You call them, taking a deep breath and smiling when they answer. Your grey haired grandfather answered, shouting to your grandmother that โour granddaughter is calling!โ on the other end.
โHey, Papa!โ You smile, giggling to yourself at the man on the other side of the screen. His reading glasses far down on his nose and his face too close to the screen that you could count the wrinkles.
Before he could answer, โHey, Sweetie.โ Your grandmother exclaimed, grabbing the phone to aim the screen towards her.
The two turned and scolded each other, but it was cute. It was different from how your parents would argueโthey wouldnโt let you see them argue, your parents couldnโt care less if you saw them shouting insults at each other.
Your grandmother took the phone from the man, shooing him away so he could talk to you. โHow far away are you? Are you doing well?โ The woman asked.
You nodded, โYes, Grandma Iโm doing good. Iโm not too far away now.โ You start, โIโm at that old CircleโK. The one with the blinking K.โ
โOh- the one where you drove our old Chevy into the light pole.โ Her words made you remember..
You were maybe, 12. Your Papa had went inside to get some beer for a bonfire that night. And you, being the mischievous little gremlin you were, got into the driver seat and put the truck in reverse, pressing the gas just a little too hard. Then a loud ruckus erupts from behind you.
โShit!โ You gasp, looking out the side mirror.. you had in fact ran into the light pole. The old wooden beam was cracked and leaning forwards. Not quite falling, but obviously not up right.
The look on grandpaโs face was surprised, not angry. He could never be angry with you.. but you were practically raised in fear. Tears rolling down your face and heavy huffs and sniffles come from you.
You hid your face in your hands, mouth spewing apologies like a lifeline. โI-Iโm sorry! Iโm sorry grandpa!โ But when you looked up at the sound of the man calling your name.
He didnโt sound mad, didnโt sound angry or even disappointed. The man had an arm propped up on the windowsill of the old truck, you looked into his eyes. The man just laughed, not at you. More at the situation.
The loud pank! Of the gas nozzle. Making you jump. You didnโt even hear anything your grandma was sayingโฆ not even her telling you about their new farm hands.
โOh-hey, Grandma. I got to get going okay?โ
โOkay sweetheart! Be safe!โ She said, making kissing noises, followed by your Papa nudging her to the side, and saying bye as well.
You hang up, putting your phone back in your pocket and removing the gas nozzle from your car. And soon you were back on the road.
You had driven for another hour and a half or so.. your GPS had fucked out 30 minutes ago, โNo serviceโฆโ you muttered, tapping the screen. But it didnโt matter, you knew this road like the back of your hand.
Huffing, you threw the device onto the seat next to you.
In the backseat sat some presents you had wrapped for your grandparents, sliding gently with each curve of the road.
A sweater for your grandmother, a paperback mystery novel for your grandfather, a few trinkets you knew would make them both laugh, And a memory book of all the years you three spent together.
The sky started fading into deep colors, from bright purples to dark navy blues. The thick snow a blinding white against your headlights.. the drive was always the scary partโleaning forward in your seat, gripping the wheel tighter.
But you took a deep breath and just imagined yourself already there with them, deep in thought, enough for the nerves to fade. Enough to imagine your grandmotherโs arms around you and your grandfather insisting you eat something warm the moment you walked in.
Only twenty minutes left.
Maybe thirty.
Your heart raced, excited like a kid opening presents on Christmas Day.
It was beyond dark outside when you drove up the long dirt, snow covered driveway. Thick pine trees enveloped the sky overhead. The road looked like it had some kind of work done, different from how your Papa usually does it.
For as long as you can remember, he plowed the driveway in wide, imperfect pathsโgentle curves where he got distracted, uneven lines where the tractorโs blade bumped over roots. Little things youโve grown up recognizing. They always made you smile.
Yeah, it was nothing like that.
The snow was pushed back in, clean straight lines.
Too straight.
Efficient. Preciseโthat was more of Grandmaโs type of thing.. But that wasnโt something your grandmother did. So it made you wonder a bit.
Machineโcut edges with no hesitation. No slight curve, or wobble that wasnโt necessary. Just a path straight enough for the shape of the road it was.
Bright lights wrapped around the limbs of the trees and up the trunks. Flickering lights scattered down the driveway in bright white, red, and green.
As you drove slowly down the road, a farmhouse appeared in the distance. It too was lit up with lights.
From what you could see, you saw your grandpaโs old truck was parked under the carport along with your grandmaโs grey Nissan. What caught your eye was another truck; black with dark tinted windows.
โHmm, interesting..โ you mumble, eyebrows furrowed. Maybe it was a neighbor? You thought, parking in your usual parking spot to the left of your Papaโs. The second you park, the front door opens and the outside lights turn on.
Before you can even get out of the vehicle two arms are wrapped around you, firmly. โHey, Grandmama.โ You smile, her face buried in your shoulder.
โOh, my sweet grandbaby!โ She exclaimed, kissing all over your face. You laugh, arms wrapped around her in return.
After a bit, she pulls back. Your grandfather is standing behind her. His plaid shirt tucked into his jeans, holding a jacket to put over your grandmotherโs shoulders. The poor woman must have forgotten it when rushing to you.
โHey, Papa.โ You smile warmly, the two of you hugging before your grandmother joins in.
The reunion was warm and perfect for all of five secondsโฆ until someone cleared their throat from behind you.
The sound cut into the moment, clean as if it was a freshly sharpened blade.
You turned, and your grandparents let go of you, looking in that direction as well.
He stood at an average height, at about 5โ10.
He had broad, square shoulders, but they held a weight you couldnโt quite put a finger on.
His hair was dark and parted roughly to the side, falling just enough to shadow his eyes. A few daysโ worth of stubble sharpened the lines of his jaw, but not too much it looked ragged or choppy.
He wore a dark Carhartt jacket, broken-in at the seams, the kind of wear that didnโt come from style but from long days and hard work. Under it, a deep red plaid shirt hung loose and untucked. His jeans were faded at the kneesโsoft, frayed, the fabric thinning where he mustโve knelt a thousand times.
Work-worn, Weather-worn.
โO-oh! Sweetheart, this is Tim. Heโs one of your grandfathers hands.โ You grandmaโs voice spoke up, bringing you out of your thoughts.
But it was followed by, said man, interrupting. โI could have told โer that Diane.โ Your grandfather cut in, you just laughed, turning back towards Tim.
โHere, Missโ Let me help, yeah?โ He spoke, lending his hand to your shouldered duffel bag of clothing you brought.
โOh, uh- yeah, okay.โ You replied, taking the bag off of your shoulder and handing it to him.
โOh, Mr. Wright! Whereโs Brian?โ Your grandmother asked, calling to the brunette as he walked toward the farmhouse to put your bags inside.
โHeโs in the barn Mrs. L/n.โ
โHeโs polite..โ You thought to yourself, blinking as you turned around back to your grandmother. She grabbed your hand and started leading you inside, talking about all the stuff sheโd been baking and making with her wood crafts.
Tim brought the rest of your stuff inside, with the better lighting you could really get a look at him. He wasโฆ handsome. He looked rugged, but it was the good kind, of course.
The man had caught you staring a few times that night.
He just looked at you, already catching your eyes.. already looking at you.
You hadnโt met this, Brian.. yet. But if he was anything like Tim, then you wouldnโt make it a week, let alone almost two months here.
It made you blush, hiding your face behind your drink as you helped your grandma with a puzzle she had been working on.
It was a kind of thing you two did together. Like when you were a kid.
โSo, how was the ride over here?โ Your grandpa asked, sitting on the sofa a few feet from the dining table watching some kind of old movie.
โIt was fine, Papa.โ You replied, looking up from the puzzle, eyes, then again, catching Timโs who was in the kitchen.
โHowโd your mama react when you told them?โ
โDiane.โ Your grandfather warned, head tilted down to look over the rim of his glasses towards her. โI was just asking her a question Mike.โ She insisted, it made you laugh at how they bickered.
โItโs fine, Papa.โ You insisted.
You continued to tell them how the conversation with your mother went, about how you werenโt really able to get a word in when suddenly, the front door opened.
From the corner of your eye you saw Tim walk towards the door where the person walked in.
The other manโs voice was deeper, but not as gravely as he spoke to Tim.
Your eyes drifted up when the man turned the corner.
Drifted up, cause he was in fact almost 2 heads higher than Tim..
โBrian, howโs the barn?โ Your grandfather spoke, looking up at the man, Brian.
It was as if you had started daydreamingโyour ears closed off to everything around you as you looked up at the man. His hair was a lighter brown, but a darker blonde. His eyesโฆ
Blue, a very pretty blue.
Cold as the winter outside, warm enough it made you a bit dizzy. Pretty enough itโd make you loose the hold to a conversation.
He wore a mustard-yellow hoodie, jeans, and heavy work boots. Snow melted at the cuffs.
You never heard Brianโs answer about the barn. Ears filled with a dreamy static, your breath stalling as his eyes met yours again. His gaze slid toward you. Not fast. Not slow. Just deliberate.
You finally came back to your senses when your grandma made a whoop! Noise, happily dancing in her seat when she finished the puzzle.
โYou have two, farm hands?โ You ask her and she nods. โYโknow how old weโre gettinโ sweetheart. We ainโt how we used to be.โ She spoke, simple as that, then leans in and whispers, โYour Papa thinks itโs a waste of time but he knows it deep down.โ
โAh- I heard that!โ He replied, pointing playfully at her to which she just giggles, pointer finger back at him.
Brian and Tim circled the dining table to head into the kitchen. Two pairs of eyes lingered on you as they passed.
A quiet shiver crawled up your spine.
Not fear.
Not yet.
Just somethingโฆ aware.
It made you nervous, their eyes landing on you again when they rounded the corner into the kitchen, then they looked at each other briefly.
But you being nervous about how they looked at you should have been the least of your worriesโฆ
โ Vxncevis โ 2025. You have no permission to steal, translate or use this for ai.
THE CREEPYPASTAS AS YANDERES ๐ชโค๏ธโ๐ฉน PART ONE
FEATURING: JEFF THE KILLER
TW!!! Blood, gore, typical yandere behavior, forced malnourishment, locking you up, and thatโs about it, besides the fact that Jeff is a literal warning himself. Please DM me if I missed any warnings youโd like me to implement!
my blog rules
JEFF is a def โif I canโt have you, no one can.โ
Romance? Never heard of it.
Words of affirmation? Nah. Not from him anytime soon.
Physical touch? Maybe if heโs feeling generous.
As long as he knows that you know you belong to him? Yeahโฆyou ainโt escaping that hellhole heโs forcing you to stay caged in for a looooongg time.
To him, youโre merely a toyโa pet, if you will. He quite literally keeps you in a cage after all. Youโd think heโd remember to give you food and water, considering you sleep in a literal dog cageโฆhe either doesnโt remember, ignores you, or deems it as punishment to not feed or give you water if you even do the slightest thing to irritate him.
Butโฆletโs say you do escape. Running farther into the woods bare feet, malnourished, and with the chain of the collar he forced you to wear, trailing behind you as you try to find any highway, camper, or really any signs of life around to help you.
And when you finally find someone, a man in his early thirties who was going out to chop some wood? Heโll be dead in a blink of an eyeโneck slit as blood starts to stain his clothes, all while Jeff forces you to watch, the man looking helplessly over at you.
Only to find Jeffery pulling you roughly by the hair, enough for a few strands to be caught in his hands as he looms over you, his smile wider than youโve ever seen before.
Unpopular opinion and season two spoilers ahead!!!
Alright, so like- can we just talk about how rushed season two is? Donโt get me wrong, I like it and the songs, but it just feels like theyโre focusing more on the music than an actual storyline.
And Iโm honestly really disappointed with how early on they revealed Alastorโs backstory and the sinner he made a deal with. And the fact that they had scenes of Alastor, a man from the 1930s, cursing like that? Yeah, that is not the same Alastor.
And yeah, yeah, you can play it off as heโs not the only overlord/demon who does this, but in his deal he made, he literally ASKED to be the most powerful sinner in Hell. Now he just seems like all the others. I miss pilot Alastor so badly <\3
(also, no this isnโt me hating on the new VA who plays Alastor, I think he does a great job playing out with the script heโs given!!)
