Beezarre (no longer) watches Holby @beezarrewatchesholby - Tumblr Blog

bloomlesbian-deactivated2019051

“Turns out I’m fussier than I thought about who puts their hands on me. Must be an army thing.”

So Tumblr apparently has a tag limit and ate half the ones I'd attached to this post so here are the ones it did post, with added thoughts that didn't make it with the cut-off

#I love this gifset but to me it's even deeper than that#she isn't lying to Morven or to herself#it's such a very different kind of touch#it's an inherent part of how Serena communicates and something Bernie could have especially at first stood against yet she didn't#Serena is confident and comforting#yet it takes Bernie a long time to return the touch (the scene that most stayed with me#and most of us I suspect is when she holds Serena somewhat awkwardly when she cries after Arthur's death)#because the army has shaped her but her whole life is lived at her distance (see also that scene about her looking at the distraught family#and not being able to see herself showing that kind of emotion)#she doesn't quite lean into Serena's touch at first anyway but she does accept and even welcome it and the fact that Cam notices#the fact that it's so obvious to him means it's a long-standing thing#Serena and Bernie have almost diametrically opposed ways of communicating but they meet in the middle#yet it feels to me like Serena doesn't necessarily realise the kind of 'privilege' she has getting to be this close#and sharing Bernie's personal space#because we've all gone on and on about “what personal space” and that's what's beautiful#Bernie going from the army where personal space and privacy can be scarce and something to cherish#to a place where she could enforce this personal space but Serena isn't breaching it she's welcome there#I've seen a lot of people jump straight (or rather not) to the conclusion that that means at least for Bernie that there was more from earl#on but what I see is a woman struggling with a relatively common type of social interaction giving *trust* and that echoes what she says#about friendship before running off to kiev#because she's afraid of letting people too close and getting attached because they keep getting away#but it's so much more poignant when you realise she really isn't only talking metaphorically#to me these small moments have always been grounds of trust and friendship first#that scene of her awkwardly trying to comfort Serena *is* awkward#and I remember relating to that scene so much#I rarely if ever hug people and as much as I *mean* the internet hugs I send I'm the most awkward person even to those that mean the most#for me it's a mix of the way I was raised and neurodivergence#and I could talk about what my theories for Bernie are until the cows go home (probably already have)#but this set of tags is already far too long#but to me this goes far further than 'stiff upper lip' stuff

Another thing I find interesting is that back rub scene, Bernie is awkward because it's not like the spontaneous flow she'd used to from Serena, and even Serena is not as confident as she usually shows herself to be.

Another thing I added tags for that Tumblr didn't want to show is how, *how* could they have rebuilt this after Bernie came back? She'd flinch if she didn't know it was coming, and probably would overall at first too, which in turn would make Serena self-conscious, maybe even feel guilty. It'd have to be rebuilt this way, from this trust, little by little, and it's heartbreaking yet beautiful to think about, because they'd go past that barrier that words would be, and we see that when they're back on our screens.

Also that fourth gif, wondering whether she's holding herself or creating a barrier with her arms held like that, but -and even though we know that while the relationship between Bernie and Serena had a lot of thoughts put into it from the actresses themselves as well we don't know how much was done around Marcus- Marcus actually steps away a bit, giving her space when handing her the files, and she unfolds her arms while turning toward him.

I can't remember what else I'd put there, might add to it later (or maybe not, I really thought I was over these two at least in terms of needing to write things down) but this is one of the things that mean so much to me for this character and this relationship ♥

#let this be a warning to my fellow 'feels in the tags' people #there is a limit but this is NOT one tumblr will tell you about until you hit post and it ate all of those extra feels!

bloomlesbian-deactivated2019051

“Turns out I’m fussier than I thought about who puts their hands on me. Must be an army thing.”

#I love this gifset but to me it's even deeper than that #she isn't lying to Morven or to herself #it's such a very different kind of touch #it's an inherent part of how Serena communicates and something Bernie could have especially at first stood against yet she didn't #Serena is confident and comforting #yet it takes Bernie a long time to return the touch (the scene that most stayed with me #and most of us I suspect is when she holds Serena somewhat awkwardly when she cries after Arthur's death)#because the army has shaped her but her whole life is lived at her distance (see also that scene about her looking at the distraught family #and not being able to see herself showing that kind of emotion)#she doesn't quite lean into Serena's touch at first anyway but she does accept and even welcome it and the fact that Cam notices #the fact that it's so obvious to him means it's a long-standing thing #Serena and Bernie have almost diametrically opposed ways of communicating but they meet in the middle #yet it feels to me like Serena doesn't necessarily realise the kind of 'privilege' she has getting to be this close #and sharing Bernie's personal space #because we've all gone on and on about “what personal space” and that's what's beautiful #Bernie going from the army where personal space and privacy can be scarce and something to cherish #to a place where she could enforce this personal space but Serena isn't breaching it she's welcome there #I've seen a lot of people jump straight (or rather not) to the conclusion that that means at least for Bernie that there was more from earl #on but what I see is a woman struggling with a relatively common type of social interaction giving *trust* and that echoes what she says #about friendship before running off to kiev #because she's afraid of letting people too close and getting attached because they keep getting away #but it's so much more poignant when you realise she really isn't only talking metaphorically #to me these small moments have always been grounds of trust and friendship first #that scene of her awkwardly trying to comfort Serena *is* awkward #and I remember relating to that scene so much #I rarely if ever hug people and as much as I *mean* the internet hugs I send I'm the most awkward person even to those that mean the most #for me it's a mix of the way I was raised and neurodivergence #and I could talk about what my theories for Bernie are until the cows go home (probably already have)#but this set of tags is already far too long #but to me this goes far further than 'stiff upper lip' stuff

backjustforberena

Serena and Bernie, upon each losing a child.

ktlsyrtis

#my story ideas for them have morphed into far-fetched AUs a long time ago and I won't be coming back to what once was #but what strikes me most about this gifset is that Serena has Bernie by her side and is anchored in her universe #Bernie is alone and in a place that was once home but no longer is it's a place she left #as for the addition Serena needs and accepts the rain in the darkness but half in the light #Bernie is waiting for the rain bracing herself and it's not coming she's in broad daylight and it blinds her #In the same way when they meet Serena is home surrounded by people she trusts while Bernie is struggling to adjust to civilian life #When they realise their feelings Serena struggles but accepts it while Bernie is wary apologetic then overwhelmed and runs #we know so much more about Serena than we know about Bernie #and yet what we do know about Bernie is often from indirect when not untrustworthy sources #Bernie is the stranger #reminding me of that 'Hello stranger' 'Serena right?'#the upside of this is never getting to know her daughter #like many I'd have loved to see her interact with Charlotte but with Holby being a soap #and if I remember correctly Elinor's storyline originally being meant for Charlotte?#I'm glad they didn't show us something to better destroy it

untitled70655

For Eternity. - Of course I will.

#thank you so much for this masterpost #I (re?)discovered it with the poll that's meant to have us pick #but how?!#I mean we all have or preferences but *-*

daisydoctor13

Berena fans - what's your favourite kiss

1st kiss (theatre floor, the desperation, the uncertainty)

2nd kiss (Bernie don't leave, Raf go away)

3rd kiss (ignore him😏)

4th kiss (the softness, the nose boop, eddie 🐦)

5th kiss (the reunion, in which we were all Donna)

6th kiss (for eternity 💓)

7th kiss (the second reunion)

8th kiss (PROPOSAL 💍)

Voting ended onFeb 16, 2023

Look at the gifs here

#firstly: how dare you!?#secondly: how dare you forget that the 4th kiss also had the little hoodie bow knot!#I mean sure there's got to be a character limit on those things xD #it's so hard to pick a favourite but in terms of where they are in their relationship #there's something about that 4th kiss that is Wholesome to me #and all that you listed of course cause it's So Soft (Bernie esp!)#and the nose boop almost says more than everything else!#and Eddie 'the eagle' Edwards #and the fact that no one ever seems to think of *that* Edward when the pigeon is mentioned #but also pigeons are Berena now and Berena is everywhere!#although as a fellow knitter I second Serena's feeling pre 5th kiss #and sure the proposal is Special #and all kind of things #but it took so much for them to get there #it's not even the pinnacle #but as meaningful as it is you know by then it's part of who they are #of what their lives have become #I wish I could write for them again #but unfortunately the writer's block can only be lifted with more strength than I've got #and I think my vision of those characters has shifted beyond canon by now #in a way that even writing AUs wouldn't echo properly #freeing yourself from canon is Good sometimes #especially when that canon explodes very literally very often xD

masasaty

For Eternity

backjustforberena

okay so something I'm struggling with and so I'm asking for any and ALL opinions, is how quick or in what way Serena would intervene if Bernie was doing something unhealthy for her recovery?

So like Bernie took Elinor's patient file away or confronted Serena on her drinking or pulled her up on her behaviour when Serena was grieving...

If Serena had to get angry and pour sense inside Bernie's head, could she do it? Would she? If she was petrified that one wrong move could mean she lose Bernie again and entirely? I just can't help but feel Serena might be too cautious.

As said, any and all opinions welcome. I'd love to get a discussion going.

beezarrewatchesholby

It's almost 2 am (and past 3 as I post), and as much as I'd like to stay away from them I keep being drawn back, so here are "a few" thoughts.

I think Serena would first of all be scared, panic, panic that her panic will show and make things worse, try and repress it, and that ultimately it's seeing the impact on Serena that could bring Bernie to stop whatever self-destructive cycle she might have started, knowingly or unknowingly. She feels responsible for the pain of so many, she can't bear Serena's, even less so when she feels it's her fault. Does it for her, until she can learn to do it for herself. She can't run, not anymore, she won't. But she does try to hide.

It definitely wouldn't be a healthy way to cope, both afraid and tiptoeing around issues that can't be spoken up, yet, possibly ever.

Bernie was always a woman of action(s) before words, and knows how different Serena is, understands now better than before that she needs the words, the reassurance. Tries. Sometimes it sounds a little hollow and she goes back in her shell a little too quickly before pouncing. Needing to reassure Serena, needing to reassure herself that Serena is there. That she's there with her.

At first Serena is startled, tenses, but she eases into the embrace, the tightness of it, lets out the breath she's been holding. It's less that she's learned to read between the lines and more than she no longer needs the reassurance as much. She's grown, too, although sometimes she is scared of the shadow her past casts behind her, scared of the sharp angles she runs into that wake bruises up she thought had healed better than that. When Bernie lets go as suddenly as she's pounced, Serena feels a little empty, even when Bernie is right there. Realises that she does need the reassurance, after all.

Things get rough, almost inevitably, once in a while, the while get longer but it's still there. And when they start becoming a bit more bearable, even just a little bit, Bernie does what she does best, surprise Serena in ways Serena herself wouldn't expect to still be surprised in spite of Bernie still being a mystery wrapped in an enigma, and that extra layer of trauma that means 'handle with care', letting her now when she's close, that she's close.

It's the little things on the way to recovery, recoveries plural. Flowers, picked, pressed, offered almost timidly by Bernie as tokens of affection for the notebook they share, now, about the plans they want to make, the garden they actually know they'll probably never get around to plant or see bloom, because other things take precedence, but it's nice to dream. They're writing the story together now. Two handwritings, not quite one voice, not just yet, but harmonizing. Bernie doodles, and when things get tough Serena flips through the pages and hangs onto the knowledge that this is her life. Their life. That Bernie is there, even when she's a little distant.

And one day Serena's gone, for a few hours, maybe the whole day, and comes back to find Bernie sitting in the living room, covered in mud, unmoving, tears down her cheeks, and she stops in her tracks. Sees Bernie's tracks, sees the glass door still open, her eyes going all the way to the flowerbed Bernie's worked on all day, just by the swingset they've had installed.

(Bernie wanted them to do it themselves, but Serena protested that she wasn't strong enough. She was, or at least she thought she was, she'd just worried about Bernie. Bernie knows her too well not to understand, feels like she's not up to the task, again, somehow.)

The flowers were supposed to be a surprise, something they could watch grow, bloom, together, like they're watching their families. But it had started raining, and there's been something about the smell of wet earth that had struck a chord. She'd been strong enough to get away but she'd only made it as far as the sofa. Inside. Home. Safe. Serena makes her promise; not to stop, not to never do it again, but to let it be something they share, so Bernie can retreat safely next time, because Serena has learned to recognise the signs Bernie had shamed herself into ignoring until it was too late. She's getting better at acknowledging them, but it takes time.

Serena knows anger, it's been her companion many times, clawed inside her and left indelible marks that are still raw. But it's not anger, not with Bernie, it's compassion, care. Tears, pain, relief, all the tears she's cried in silence, in solitude, all the tears she hasn't, pouring out when Bernie tries. Because she knows Bernie isn't doing it for herself, she knows Bernie is doing it for her, for all those she cares about, and that woman has so much love to give it still overwhelms Serena at times. She's still afraid to lose her, even when she's right there, and spends many nights listening to her breathing beside her until sleep claims her too.

So Serena pleads, bargains, reasons. Because every step is a step forward, to a future they both want, side by side, and it's worth fighting alongside Bernie, worth fighting her own demons. They're both broken, shattered, burdened. Some days are harder than others. But they'd learned a long time ago to pick up the pieces, put them back in place, preserve the delicate equilibrium. It's easier now, with a hand to hold that they know isn't going away. Sometimes they still stumble, but they remain each other's first port of call, no longer ships passing in the night.

(Well, they're the one ship haunting our nights now...)

#berena thoughts #a damn bucketload of them #I'm not sure this is coherent I just needed to pour it out

Berena Crack Fic Plot Bunny

Disclaimer: this is a really random plot bunny, and the chances of me writing it are slim, but I needed to share it.

Base setting: An AU, starting shortly after Bernie starts working at Holby, but Fleur's been around all along.

The crack part: Sian Kors, editor of sapphic literature, decides to re-motivate two of her most promising authors by making them collaborate:

Fleur Ting (the one and only Ms Fanshawe)

Nicki Fox (Bernie had to come up with a name quickly, don't judge!)

(One of them specialises in romance the other in erotica and I can't make up my mind which would be funnier)

Basically, they exchange plots they've been struggling to start writing at all. And chat further. Matchmaking ensues!

Featuring:

Fleur meddling by helping Bernie realise that she, alongside Serena, are the only two people left who think Serena is a "dyed in the wool heterosexual"

the first kiss probably doesn't happen as it does in canon

an added layer of Sian shenanigans to round it all up

tropes and what most fanfic writers have already encountered, such as the typical snippet exchange of "'She rolled his eyes' 'that sounds painful'"

Fleur teasing by going 'I don't know yet' when asked what the book she has a date with is called

...

#berena #berena fic #berena fic idea #holby city #this would be a rewrite of their whole story through a trope-y lens basically #I'll be reblogging this to my main for more visibility #I went a bit far with the font type experiment there sorry

daisydoctor13

Is Holby City Hospital a safe place to work?

A briefly researched analysis

I'm procrastinating and love an excel spreadsheet so get ready for some stats. I haven't included Casualty because frankly there's too many in there and I can't be arsed.

Since I started watching in 2010 there have been 62 regular/recurrent members of staff at Holby City Hospital (according to Wikipedia) and 36 (58%) of them have been involved in a workplace incident (not including naturally occurring disease such as cancer, although there's probably more of that in the staff than in the general population). 8 of those people died because of the incident they were involved in. 12 people were involved in more than one and between all of these characters there were 56 incidents, including a mass shooting, a bomb, and lots of people being pushed/falling down stairs.

So who was the unluckiest? And was there any gender bias?

Dom Copeland experienced 5 separate incidents over the years:

Attacked by a patient, pushed down stairs by his abusive partner and colleague, caught hepatitis C from a needlestick, impaled in a car crash in the car park and suffered complications from dangerous experimental surgery in the hospital

Closely followed by Jac with 4:

Attack/attempted sexual assault by patient, knocked down the hospital stairs, shot in the back, had complications from dangerous experimental surgery in the hospital

However, Jac went through a further 6 naturally occurring medical problems, whereas all of Dom's health issues were a result of the needlestick and car accident.

Shall we congratulate Holby on evenly distributing the characters who experienced workplace incidents - 18 men and 18 women were involved, and of those, 4 of each gender died because of the incident. Diversity win?

But what were the types of incidents?

I'm glad you asked

Staff seem to be assaulted quite regularly (by patients and other staff members), but the car park is a surprisingly dangerous place, as many of the vehicle accidents occurred there (why do they want to have so many weddings/memorial services there?)

Falls down the stairs are pretty common, with one fall off the roof and another out of a window thrown in for good measure.

I think we can conclude if over half of your staff members are experiencing something like this at work, Holby is not somewhere you'd want to take a job, unless you really like living life on the edge.

#a brilliant pie chart (and analysis) with no candles on (fire hazard...) to celebrate the ending of the dumpsterfire this show had turned in

driftwoodthrone

fin.

wonkywonko

Do we think she’s thinking about Elinor? I’d bet organ donation is a pretty bittersweet topic for her in general. And wasn’t their patient the young woman? I’d have to check again.

beezarrewatchesholby

Whatever you do, don't think of Serena's guilt over Jasmine, or the fact that Bernie couldn't save her.

Whatever you do don't think about the recipient/family thank you letter that's most likely still on Serena's mind, especially now that Jac's loved ones might be on the receiving end.

Whatever you do don't think of it being read, by her daughter, poor Sasha, and whoever else is allowed, with Serena there at least in spirit, because family has always been one of her priorities and all of those grieving are family to some extent.

And, whatever you do, don't think of Bernie offering a lavender pillow that night, of Serena's guilt of sorts that she got so lucky that the woman she loves didn't just turn out alive in the end but is by her side and not letting go.

That when the ring comes off, it's to care, and do it side by side. In sickness and in health.

#I'll see myself out now #I'd actually not seen the ep nor known about context when i wrote the tags #but CRuss is so good at conveying that stuff #and so is JRed just look at how little we got and how much they conveyed #i have a lot of Bernie thoughts too but i just had to share the hard Serena ones your response led to #I'd genuinely not thought about Elinor straight away

driftwoodthrone

fin.

#the more I stare at this the more concerned I am at Serena's sadness #but also this gifset really highlights the subtleties of their... faces #going from miscommunication to utterly silent communication that's clearly on so many levels #there were always meaningful looks but those don*t just speak but write the volumes of the rest of their lives

masasaty

#can't be the only one wondering if there's something special about the hospital name?#I hadn't spotted the ring thing I guess I'll have to watch a clip #but really I'm fine actually watching the 'real' last ep they got #this is a kind of full circle I don't think any of us expected or even dared to dream of #not after everything they've put them through #within all the pain there was joy #nice hair and soft smiles

beezarrewatchesholby

Time to mass-reblog all the Berena posts/Feels I've accumulated before the last hurrah (hopefully! At least whatever happens tonight we'll always have them like that!)