Rusty learned a new trick.
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@beforetheworst
Rusty learned a new trick.
to constantly have your eye on some idealized version of a future-“you” is to doom yourself indefinitely into a state of fragmented dissociation
doctor: you have 27 minutes to live
me:
I would date an actor just so I can tell people that my boyfriend’s an actor and then they’d be like “oh? What’s he been in?” And I’d say “me” and raise my wine glass and laugh because in this scenario I’m at a fancy cocktail party.
taco-bell-rey:
I refuse to believe Beyoncé didn’t come during the super bowl. I’ve successfully distorted my memory and remember that Gaga stopped all of the music and lights after the first chorus of telephone. The stage was silent for 2-3 seconds and you heard Gaga say “I’m gonna need some help with this one”. A giant spot light on Beyoncé as she rose from the stage with her pregnant belly out. Lights are flashing, tears are everywhere. The straights have official gone extinct. As Beyoncé belted “Boy the way you blowing up my phone” the San Andreas fault shifted, Yellowstone’s erupted and we experienced all four seasons at once. Beyoncé was wearing an outfit made with 17 colors that are new to humanity. Telephone ends. Trump is gone, Whitney Houston is alive, everyone looks at their phones and it’s January 20, 2009 again. Obama just got inaugurated and we get to experience another 8 years of his presidency. Kesha is on the radio again, America is officially gay©. Then Blue Ivy rises from the stage to beginning the new song that is Paparazzi part 3. (Also known as Telephone part 2).
im on the floor
me listening to stevie nicks
me after one glass of wine: everything i say and do is iconic
I have no idea what to do with this information
wen u have a $100 gift card 2 da ethiopian supermarket
this is a personal attack on me and my entire life
Just had a child say “circumcise me, captain!” And his mom smacked him in the back of the head and said “I’m so sorry I don’t know where he heard that I don’t even know if he knows what that means” and I’m thinking about how kids are just walking shitpost generators
@ non voters, 3rd party voters, trump voters