DETOX JUST TO RETOX

When you love something so much you distort it until it makes sense

[behavioral-multicellularity]

Hi! Welcome to my cell hell. Come on in, the flames are great!

Anyway, you can call me Brendyn (she/her), and I’m a biology student in her 20s who likes to be a bird deer on the internet, blast her brains out with fall out boy at the slightest inconvenience, and draw weird guys in her free time. My main is @odocoileus-cardinalis, mostly reblogs over there tho. My sense of humor is exquisitely irreparable if that’s your thing (you’re on tumblr. of course it is)

This blog is for my ongoing speculative biology project aiming to make sense of the universe of Cells at Work (for those unaware, it’s like Osmosis Jones on medically accurate crack). It’s been through a lot, as you can prob tell by the scars of changing lore on here, but now I plan to go deeper into the workings of this upsetting setting than ever before. Please just block me if this isn’t your thing, I know the CaW tag doesn’t get a lot of attention and I don’t wanna get your hopes up lmao.

Here, you’ll find all my up-to-date content relating to the project, mostly lore dumps but sometimes art and a LOT of outdated stuff (anything posted before 2026) that won’t be deleted but it’s there ig

Big tags on here: #worldbuilding stuff, #art, #ask, #bacteria #canon characters, #my ocs, and #tomfoolery (memes). Common triggers will be tagged as needed (using “tw,” NOT “cw”) but if I miss anything feel free to let me know!

With any luck this’ll be the last worldbuilding account I make, thanks to all who thugged it out with me, and here’s to overthinking shit! 🥂

[behavioral-multicellularity]

I’M DA BIGGEST BIRD 🦅 I’M DA BIGGEST BIRD 🦅 I’M DA BIGGES—

B CELLS these guys are WEIRD. I know they have this really out-there anatomy but that’s not the norm and there’s a reason for it

B cells are the only TRULY flighted cells in the whole Body. As we’ll see, there are a few gliders, but while they dance with gravity, Bs beat up gravity for its lunch money. This is because B cells don’t actually need to be present to do their jobs. They fight by slinging antibodies from their tails, which strike opponents from afar and either kill them or weaken them so other cells can do the job. And when you don’t need to physically be there, why be on that battlefield at all? Bs circle inflamed areas like vultures, flinging antibodies and making their signature Y shapes in the sky, but rarely land unless they have to.

Mature B cells come in two morphs: the memory B cell and the plasma cell. Plasmas make most of the antibodies, and memories act as mentors or secretaries to them.

Also, kind of unrelated but one of the reasons I made them very birdy is because B cells were discovered in birds. Birds have an organ called the bursa of Fabricus, which is like a thymus for B cells. In humans, they mature in the bone marrow, so I bet that was a shock to find them hiding there all along when we thought it was just a bird thing! Thanks to whatever chicken we dissected to dicover these guys

[behavioral-multicellularity]

WORLDBUILDING NOTES: EVOLUTIONARY HISTORY

I suppose the best thing to kick off with is an overview of how we even got here. How can a world like that in Cells at Work be believable? What selection pressures would lead to such an outcome? What IS the Body, really?

1. BIOGENESIS, PRIMORDIAL SOUP

Compared to the timeline of the real Earth, only two changes were made: 1) biogenesis happens as expected, but significantly sooner, 2) multicellularity is postponed for a few hundred million years, to about where it happened in real life.

2. THE BEGINNINGS OF SENTIENCE

During this time, microorganisms had gotten used to living by themselves. Eukaryotes especially had developed the ability to proscess very basic information, not all of which was chemical. They were able to analyze visual and other stimuli using memory and act accordingly, ex. To swim away or avoid something that had previously been dangerous.

3. BEHAVIORAL MULTICELLULARITY

Rather than fighting for themselves, eukaryotes find it more convenient to offload responsibilities onto their own daughters. Using a concentrated acid selected for hunting thick-walled microbes, they begin boring holes into sand grains to create a home more sturdy than anything the cells could produce. In this cellular household, one cell would retrieve food, another would protect from attacking cells, another would maintain the sand grain and seal any cracks, and so on. The drive to do these things was not entirely genetic. They used the basic reasoning skills they had from before to find shelter and split up tasks. And natural selection ate it up.

4. THE SAND GRAIN IS INSUFFICIENT

As colonies got larger, they would begin punching holes into it and dedicating cells to operate flagella made from stiff fibers that others produced, allowing the entire colony to swim around in search of food and to escape dangerous conditions. All the while, cells were getting smarter. their rudimentary information processing abilities were constantly selected to get better, as their “bodies” became more complex. In order to operate it, they needed quick-thinking and the ability to tackle never-before seen problems that simple chemosensory abilities could not handle as efficiently.

5. FROM SAND TO RULING THE LAND

Millions of years passed, and the cells had graduated from swimming sand grains to whole macroscopic colonies, in which every cell shared the same genome. They added to their homes with fibers and proteins and lipids and whatever else it took to evolve as a group. The cells were protected, and they basically piloted versatile “mechs” of sorts. Everyone contributed to its wellbeing, which led to varying selection pressures on individual cells. What unfolded from this, superficially, is exactly what we see in real life. The only difference is that the cells didn’t use themselves as building materials that often—they secreted whatever they needed to keep adding onto this “moving house” idea rather than doing that because it reduced cell death and the energy needed to produce more cells versus substrate. They were also getting rapidly smarter, and had achieved near 5-year-old human levels of intelligence by the Cambrian. Some say this even played a part in the Cambrian explosion. They were building complex systems that took the place of physical cells we see irl, and each organism was like its own diverse ecosystem.

6. MINIMIZE THE SLIME

The next major evolutionary undertaking that deviates from the real world didn’t come until the Mesozoic. The cells were complex, running highly specialized systems, and their rudimentary technology had turned into a whole infrastructure. But this is when terrestrial organisms started getting large, and up until then, every square micron of the body was either cells, connective material, or fluid. And fluid is heavy. It was taking more energy to move the body with all that water weight, and in real life, this was a fair trade-off. But here, the cells had another plan. Now that they didn’t require the constant flow of blood plasma to get around, they would eliminate it completely. before now, red blood cells had been dual-functioning to carry gases AND nutrients throughout the body (irl they only deal with gases). But now, their PRIMARY function is nutrient delivery and waste removal, while gases flow through the vessels to/from cells by themselves. This was the last kick in the ass the cells needed: they were going to go Jetsons mode.

7. MORPHOLOGY CHANGES

This is just to give you an idea of how this transition happened. The image at the top shows an RBC from a Mesozoic fish on the left, and a modern human on the right. They used to swim through the blood vessels, but as lighter forms became the terrestrial norm, they lost their hind rudders, the fore-fins turned into the legs, and the permanent arms emerged from temporary tendrils that would extend from the neck when needed.

[behavioral-multicellularity]

WORLDBUILDING NOTES: URBAN MODULES

The single, biggest question I wanted to answer about life in a human body is how gravity is dealt with. Previously it was like, this flat plane? Bc that’s what’s implied in the canon? But that was FAR too restrictive in what could actually be done. How does it move? How does it exist in a way that at least makes SOME sense?

What I decided on was basically a very humanlike 3d structure. It stands up and moves and does all the things that a human body does, whether or not I want to talk about them. Any organ you can think of, structurally at least, is just “real life but mechanical.” Each one has its own quirks and lore and everything, but that’s the framework. Just so SOMETHING exists before manual adjustment.

But cells don’t function on the organ level, so we have to go smaller. And that’s what this fucker is

This is what the inside of an “urban module” looks like. There are millions of these scattered throughout the Body, each specialized to its specific tissue. If you were a cell, they’d be roughly the size of a large college campus or town square (but can be as big as a metropolis or as small as a supermarket) and houses about 30-40 thousand cells.

The reason they fix the gravity problem is that they can rotate freely. The module is made of two spherical shells—the outer shell is anchored to the Body’s flexible matrix, and the inner shell is unattached to anything. The space between the shells is filled with a slippery, fat-like substance that allows free motion of the entire module. This happens readily because the lower half of the module (underneath the city) is weighted with storage units, though emergency correction technology helps prevent damage due to sudden motion.

Those Twinkie-looking things between the shells are shuttles. To get in and out, red blood cells must pilot them to climb through the tangle of ventilation and energy cords to get from the blood vessel to the nearest docking station, which is what you see against the wall there. It’s clunky, but it works. It also makes the passive spread of pathogens incredibly difficult.

The most populated regions of the city are the two ring-shaped buildings. The outer ring is all apartments, and the thick inner ring is all workplaces. This particular module is in the vascular endothelium, but different tissues will have different specializations in both workplaces and living arrangements. But no matter what, every module will have two (sometimes more) huge radiators to dissipate heat from respiration, which also maintain homeostasis of the module in general. The little “gardens” also serve a purpose. Those are synthetic cilia, they a) look pretty and 2) trap pathogens, especially bacteria. In this AU, bacteria are no longer sapient, so they’d naturally be looking for places to hide. The idea is that they’ll hide in the cilia where they can be ambushed by immune cells and processed in the hidden bunkers underneath.

Lastly, every module has a synthetic nerve communicating with it, which provides a good chunk of their energy as well as their primary communication system. If two common cells want to talk to each other across the Body, sending pen-and-paper notes via blood cells will have to do. But urgent messages and orders are given instantaneously through rhythmic surges that resemble Morse code.

[behavioral-multicellularity]

I am thinking WAY too hard about how to come back. My apologies it’s been forever I just had the world changing realization that It’s Just A Blog. I was treating it like some big portfolio or some shit. Just gotta dive in. I have a big post locked and loaded which WILL be up tonight reason being it’s already written all I need to do is post the damn thing lmao

Also no new blog I’m posting it all right here

[behavioral-multicellularity]

Ydym by "No more plants"?

Is the body going to be like a giant mech of some sort?

Not like a transformers style mech, but a little bit, yes. It’s gonna be able to stand up and move around. But the focus will still be on the inner workings, as it always has

[behavioral-multicellularity]

yo

Hey! It’s.. been a hot minute.

First off, I’m not dead, clearly. What was supposed to be a short break turned into a multi-month hiatus, but I’m back, and some things are gonna change

Next, the blog. The main reason I took the break was because I was going through some stuff, but the main reason I STAYED gone was because I was thinking about the status quo over here, and how I really wasn’t running it the way I wanted to. This is a worldbuilding blog first and foremost. I wanted people to be able to ask questions and dig into the lore, to make a setting people could get invested in. But the project was a little old, and my reluctancy to change things started to present roadblocks. I started it when I was 18, and I’m damn near 21 now. I have more experience worldbuilding (and more experience interacting with people online in general, which is arguably more important) and I’ve been revamping the universe from the ground up. I think it’s finally turning into something that fits and works together (especially regarding the “how does the body as a whole” question work, which I had been dancing around). It’s to the point where I dont think I’m afraid of getting questions I don’t know how to answer anymore. And from the asks I’ve gotten, you guys bring up some really good points, and I’m sorry I didn’t give them the time they deserved to explore. I just didn’t know how without uprooting everything I wrote when I was 18, and to be honest, my connection to that very fic has faded enough that I’m comfortable turning it into something I can really be proud of.

That said, MOST of what is on the cell hell blog is unfortunately outdated. For example: the Body is an upright-standing, moving thing instead of a flat plane, we have 3d infrastructure, no more plants, bacteria aren’t sapient anymore, hormones aren’t weather anymore, and some changes may even be coming to the cells themselves. Thus, I’m going to be archiving it and starting from scratch. I don’t have the new blog yet, but I’ll post about it when it’s ready to go, which will likely be a week or so from now after finals. You can still look at and reblog everyhing on here, but I won’t be posting or answering asks on it, and any updated content will be on the new one only.

Thank you for all the support thus far, I greatly appreciate it. Here’s to more! 🥂

And in case you’re wondering what’s going on with me, a lot of shit has happened in the past few months. A lot of networking and planning for grad school. And of course I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, so a lot of driving too. I’ve been alright, just busy. My transition to adulthood has felt both painstakingly gradual and WAY too fast at the same time, so most of my time has been spent soul searching and getting all that sorted out. I needed the break from social media to get all my ducks in a row, but I think I’m ready to come back once and for all. I’ll be catching up on all my moot’s posts and firing up the main blog again too! Can’t wait to see where this goes.

Thanks for everything,

Brendyn

[odocoileus-cardinalis]

Big fan of whatever this is

[Image ID: six separate close ups of a little swoop of hair at the character’s napes on different designs]

[behavioral-multicellularity]

trick or treat throw me candy at my head

EVERY POST ON THIS BLOG PRIOR TO 2026 IS NOW OUTDATED. SEE RECENT POSTS FOR CANON CONTENT.

You get sugar dippers! This is a common checkout line snack, it’s a packet of whipped glucose cream with crystal sprinkles and three pressed sugar dippers that melt in the mouth. Glucose is naturally pink and modestly sweet, and has been turned into hundreds of different treats over the years. When the largest population of cells in the Body can only eat glucose, you find ways to make it fun. Other concoctions include rock candy, sugar tea bubbles, frozen treats of course, and the same cream that comes in the packet can be baked into meringue cookies! You only have enough for like, one cookie though, so might as well just eat it raw.

[behavioral-multicellularity]

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CELL TYPES MASTERPOST (Alphabetical with image IDs)

[IMAGE ID: ENTEROCYTES, CYTOLIC NAME SURGESIFTERS. PROSPERITY. These cells are characterized by frill-like ears and huge, microvilli-covered tails that drag on the ground. There are two morphs, the headwater morph (small intestine) and the deltaic morph (large intestine) who have pink and blue patterns respectively. Text from the image: Owing to their enormous swath of territory along Prosperity’s banks, Surgesifters evolved into two different “morphs.” both morphs perform the same basic function: to retrieve nutrients from prosperity and make it available to the cells of the body. In nature, Surgesifters would doze for hours on the riverbank, absorbing nutrients with their big tails, but now primarily use machines to pump resources from the water. For Headwaters: The pink patterns are usually brighter than this. This individual is from the duodenum, and has a thick outer membrane to protect from temporary ph changes. Tail membrane is smooth to the touch, but sticks to raw nutrients. draws the particles into internal vesicles for storage until they’re needed. For Deltaics: smaller on average than Headwaters. Tail membrane is less sticky, more porous. Not as good with other nutrients, but can absorb over twice the cell’s weight in water! No PH to worry about, super vibrant patterns! End ID.]

[IMAGE ID: EOSINOPHILS, CYTOLIC NAME SLAYTAILS. SANCTUARY. These cells have purplish pink patterns, bright pink eyes without scleras, and a sharp protein on the ends of their tails. One of the rarer whitewatchers running around, these guys specialize in allergic and parasitic pathogens. they’re basically the giant-monster-slayers of the body, hence the name. (Pointing to the tail protein) That there’s a cytotoxic granule. It looks like it’s made of steel, but it’s actually a really dense protein Designed to be pinched off and used as a melee weapon against thick-skinned parasites. Each one grows for a month before falling off and getting put on the cell’s weapon to replace the previous shed, which would be denaturing by then. Slays have the strongest tails of any WW. Even without the bulky protein, a good clobber from one of these can send cells flying! In a pinch, they can secrete a neurotoxin (EDN) from retractable fangs for fighting same-size pathogens! Bright pink scleras with no irises and very reflective tapetum lucidiums (eyeshine) For distracting parasites. They’re prone to eye problems tho. Speaking of distracting parasites, these guys can unleash a piercing shriek that sounds just like a wyrm, meant to lead them away from damaged tissue. In the past, they would save this ability for battle, but now that everyone knows any given screech is probably just a slaytail, they use it socially as well. A slaytail shriek can mean anything from “yo!” To “this way!” To “use your fucking turn signal!!” END ID.]

[IMAGE ID: HEPATOCYTES, CYTOLIC NAME POISONPURGERS. PURITY. These cells have salmon-colored patterns, strong tails, and may have two heads. Poisonpurgers are the most numerous cells in the liver (dubbed by them as “Annul”). Their main job is to rid lifeblood of toxins by breaking them into less harmful compounds. Not all poisonpurgers have two heads, but it’s not a defect either. They have an unusual mitotic pattern whereby cells may live with two nuclei before dividing into two mononuclear cells. Some split, but some, like this one, prefer the company and choose not to. Each head of a binuclear cell contains a whole, functional nucleus. As such, each individual head is considered one person. The heads on one cell frequently have different personalities, interests, and sometimes even jobs! Poisonpurgers synthesize detoxifying chemicals in the lobes on their tails. They also have ties with sanctuary, and those same chemicals can be used to fight infections alongside whitewatchers! End ID.]

[IMAGE ID: KILLER T CELLS, CYTOLIC NAME KILLER STINGTAILS. SANCTUARY. These cells have black, brown, or navy blue patterns and skinny tails equipped with a pair of retractable perforin stingers. Killer stingtails are a unique breed of whitewatcher. while they can’t attack without orders from their commander, when they do, they rip through their enemies like a hurricane.they are rigorously trained and stick to their expertise when it comes to pathogen selection (usually viruses). Heavily filamented arms that can deliver powerful blows quicker than a frogfish snap. Black garbs symbolize oncoming death. Despite their militaristic demeanors, stingtails are actually incredibly social creatures- at least amongst their own kind. The squadrons they form are not only combat troops, they’re like families. Their upbringing is traumatizing to many, so once they escape, they find comfort and support in each other. Stingtails unknowingly or forcefully separated from their groups are vulnerable to spells of panic, disorientation, and other psychological symptoms. End ID.]

[Image ID: NATURAL KILLER CELLS, CYTOLIC NAME ROGUERANGERS. SANCTUARY. These cells have camo-green patterns and a centauroid build. Roguerangers are an odd bunch- they are by far the most powerful whitewatcher in all of sanctuary, tasked with protecting the body from its most virulent threats. yet, they have virtually no oversight. Unlike their cousins, the stingtails, they are free to act on their own accord when they think something’s up. Have a lot of freedom when it comes to weapon choice, from shotguns to crossbows to blades to explosives. If it does the job, it’s up for grabs. Can have as many as seven retractable perforin stingers along their tails, always ensuring that there’s enough of the deadly protein to make the kill. Three pairs of limbs evolved for pinning rifewreakers (cancer cells). Though they use automobiles to traverse the body like any other blood cell, they can near highway speeds on foot when perusing their victims. END ID.]

[IMAGE ID: NEUTROPHILS, CYTOLIC NAME SLINGTAILS. SANCTUARY. Slingtails are the most common type of WhiteWatcher all throughout the Body (making up about 70% of them), and as such, they are very hardy little fuckers. They’re built To take on a wide variety of pathogens and can attack without orders. Vibrant irises against onyx-black scleras make for a striking leer. Membrane can come in muted shades of blue or purple, and sometimes mint green or fuchsia. (Pointing at uniform) white so bright it’ll make you squint. Supposed to symbolize purity, but really it’s just to make the cherry-red cytoplasm of their foes look scarier when it’s splattered all over them. They get their name from their tails, which can sling fibrous genetic material like spiderwebs to snare pathogens. END ID.]

[IMAGE ID: OSTEOCLASTS, CYTOLIC NAME BONEBASHERS. VITALITY. These cells are large and have spiny plates all over them, and wear reflective paint at the tips of said spines as part of their construction work uniform. Instead of legs, they have the body of what looks like a pill bug with a myriad of little tentacles for getting around, a remnant of divergent evolution with Macrophages. Bonebashers are a type of Scenesweeper (macrophage) evolved to break down old bone- a job not easily done by tiny, flaccid creatures like most other cells. Bonebashers have tough, hydrogen-laced spines that can reduce a building to rubble with just a few well-prepared strikes. (Pointing to tapering slits along the sides of their neck) Those slits are eyes! They can have up to 30 nuclei, but unlike Hepatocytes, they’re all psychologically linked to each other, with each functioning as a sub-unit of the whole. This makes Bonebashers incredibly adept with information processing and split-second decision making. With each set of eyes linked to a thinking nucleus, the cell can watch in all directions at once while they perform their rather dangerous work. Built like a crane- most weight is flat on the ground, providing good support for moving big heavy things w/ arms. END ID.]

[IMAGE ID: PARIETAL CELLS, CYTOLIC NAME BURNSPITTERS PROSPERITY. These cells have bright orange patterns and tails with microvilli on them. Burnspitters are experts at what they’ve termed “demolition chemistry”: the delicate craft of absolutely pulverizing stuff into its most basic form using mixes of liquid chemicals. They’re particularly hardy creatures, given that they both work in and protect everyone else from the searingly acidic conditions of the Stomach. This individual *is* an older one, but those wrinkles aren’t from age! They’re to increase the membrane’s grip, because in nature, burnspitters would have to scale the pit’s walls to deposit their acid! Luckily they don’t have to do that anymore, but they’re still pretty good climbers. Fangs secrete a cocktail of hydrochloric acid and Intrinsic factor. Unlike slaytails with their EDN, burnspitters can shoot the sizzling substance with great precision up to fifty microns (about three car-lengths) away. They like to aim for the eyes, so have some shades handy! Unless they’re just secreting acid for digestion, they always enact a threat display before they spit- big saucer pupils, fangs out as far as they’ll go, and a deep growl. END ID.]

[IMAGE ID: REGULATORY T CELLS, CYTOLIC NAME WATCHER STINGTAILS. SANCTUARY. Alongside Caller Stingtails, Watchers keep the unmatched power of the Killer Stingtails in check. They may come across as pacifists, as their job is to quite literally prevent infighting, but they won’t hesitate to bite back when they feel it’s necessary. Same basic build and patterning as KTs, all the way down to their split-second punch reflex. They don’t look like fighters, but a Watcher can easily overpower a Killer. The larger stinger secretes perforin for apoptosis, and the smaller one secretes adenosine for temporary paralysis (ie. Arresting people). End ID.]

[IMAGE ID: THYROCYTES, CYTOLIC NAME WINDWISHERS. DIVULGENCE. These cells have yellow-green patterns, antennae, ears shaped like butterfly wings, and two sets of arms. Windwishers are perhaps the most in-tune with what the body is up to.while other endocrine cells use high-tech equipment for monitoring hormones (weather), these guys never grew out of using their natural adaptations to get the job done. Hormone secretion works like this: endocrine glands are depicted as giant trees, and watering them with mixtures of hormones and nutrients makes them release spores. Once aloft, the spores interact with the atmosphere to cause a variety of changes in weather, from wind gusts to pouring rain to thunder and lightning. Receptors for hormones can be biological (ie. sticking straight to the target cell’s membrane and altering their behavior) or mechanical (instruments made to track atmospheric changes and translate it into instructions for workers). Antennae are absolutely packed with receptors, making them able to pick up on even the slightest fluctuations in the atmosphere. Supple membrane on palms secretes hormones into their brews. Two sets of arms for gathering ingredients in the woods, fewer trips needed. Large tail houses extra cytoplasm for hormone synthesis. END ID.]

[behavioral-multicellularity]

You know what I’m not doing anything this Halloween does anyone wanna trick or treat in the ask box? I’ll give you some Nutrients™️

[behavioral-multicellularity]

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Happy Halloweener

[behavioral-multicellularity]

Few more suggestions for bacteria species designs:

Achromobacter: literal raccoon wax moth mix

Pseudomonas aeroginosa: chameleon centipede luna moth chimera

^ moths as in bacteria that most cause pneumonia

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Oo I like that! Let’s get some mishmashes up in here

[behavioral-multicellularity]

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Haven’t posted in a while, another spec project has me in a chokehold rn. Have a pneumocyte WIP

[behavioral-multicellularity]

Super cool stuff about Fusobacterium gonidaformans (the pink fox otter)

They eat butyrate like bamboo sticks

Some have light blue fur with striped markings

Rarely causes bacteremia (something scary and few about this species)

Fox-like flora colonies are like grasslands

Really sensitive to oxygen and prefers anaerobic places

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Aw I love these! Especially the patterns one, I imagine no two looking exactly the same and it gives them more personality I think. Also the butyrate bamboo is too cute of a visual lmao. These can be canon for sure!

[behavioral-multicellularity]

i always have a danting image of when the wbcs mitosis they chop a part of them and it just grows instantly or they chop in half and just boom two

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Hi, sorry this got buried! I made a post about mitosis a while back, but I suppose that’s a more.. primitive way to go about it lmao. Possible, sure, but you’re gonna get weird looks. I suppose it could be life-saving in battle tho. hmm..

[behavioral-multicellularity]

Speaking of art, music and literature, as bacteria are the first to invent these kinds of poetry, how is the artistry most well known wide in the gut? Does the intestine have a teleivison network or other forms of entertainment such as libraries and concert stages?

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Bacterial society! Oh where to start…

MUSIC

The absolute biggest art form among bacteria from everywhere, but especially Prosperity (G.I.) is music. Bacterial music is characterized by its emphasis on sounds that can pass through water easily, because besides digestive facilities where (human) cells and bacteria cohabitate, it’s completely submerged. So imagine lots of clicks, squeals, and bass, kind of like the sounds cetaceans make. And it’s ALWAYS dude-in-a-modded-Civic-driving-around-town-blasting-bass loud. To them, if you can’t feel the music viscerally, then you’re doing it wrong. Half bc their auditory systems have a hard time processing sounds without an accompanying physical aspect, and half because they just built different. Brace yourself bc imma shoehorn in my OTHER fixation: For an even better idea of what it might sound like, go give Hold Me Tight or Don’t by Fall Out Boy a listen. When Patrick Stump said “ÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚ-” I really felt that. Death Valley also has a lot of bass and mic peaks so maybe stuff like that too. So in short all the germs are severely based. But their music would VERY diverse and in reality probably wouldn’t vibe like anything we humans are used to.

Bacteria would very street-performance positive I think, some bigger settlements might have setups for that kinda stuff. Maybe not outdoor stages bc you’d float away but something like that for sure.

FASHION

Besides that, bacteria also mess around with fashion and self expression way more than cells do, who almost exclusively use clothes for safety and identification. Bacteria have to get creative though, because again, they’re mostly underwater. They stay away from baggy materials and like to bedazzle their scales with waterproof paint and stick-on gems and bioluminescent tattoos and stuff, because there’s only so much you can do with what is essentially a wet suit to dress up in. BUT, bacteria can see UV light, so there’s more to play around with there! I did an example outfit with both color views, this was my first attempt at drawing actual underwater clothing so it might change with time but it gives an idea. Kind of SeaWorld performer outfit energy.

LITERATURE

Bacteria didn’t invent writing, but they DID invent writing for fun. Poems came first, then short stories, usually about fantastical parasite-slaying heroes or colony solidarity (often with WBCs as the bad guys). Then as society became more complex, there were more and more things to write about, and nowadays most of this work is distributed for free online because physical media is easily destroyed by the canal’s chemical environment. And electronics work because they’ve invented a way to make inanimate objects undergo controlled fermentation, so being submerged isn’t an issue. I’m no biochemist and certainly no electrician, but the germs figured it out somehow lol. Often they’ll listen to audiobooks or podcasts while they do other things.

ARCHITECTURE

Building on the floor of a constantly-flowing canal is tough, but bacteria manage by using villi (kinda like big corals) and shapes that keep resistance down. Buildings are usually round or amorphous glob shaped, flat, single-story, (though rarely, big housing units may have 2 stories), and are built around prominent villi for anchorage. The buildings themselves are essentially the mucosa too, because it “coats” the floor, germs live in it, and enterocytes and goblet cells handle most of the construction on their behalf using the body’s own materials. They aren’t exactly graceful swimmers though, so this mostly happens when the canal is nearly empty. There is always an entrance that goes into the ground and loops back up inside, and the big flat roofs are often decorated with intricate designs or company logos using cultivated sea grass. No way in hell I’m drawing that but you get the point.

TV

TV is a thing, but it’s not as mainstream as audio media. It’s more like theater or indie animation to them I guess: considered niche with a few very devoted fans who love and appreciate the craft. Projects are usually smaller than on human TV, with series typically dropping 1 episode at a time and having no concept of “seasons,” and tv “channels” really just re-air what’s already available to watch online. Shows are almost always story-based, because talk shows and news and stuff are all podcasts instead. Also I guess animation would be more respected as an art form because kids’ cartoons don’t exist since fission always results in adult bacterial cells, so there are no preschoolers to aim them at lmao. Thus forcing them to look at it objectively without the mental filter of “but this is for kids!” resulting in some pretty deep animated stories. Or maybe I’m just salty