A Muppet Of A Man

[beholdaman69]

Just discovered that I could have liked velveeta as a kid if it had keilbasa in it

[beholdaman69]

I slept none, my bones hurts, and I’m shaking

Mayhaps

[beholdaman69]

I have not shouted in years

I do not believe I remember how

I can feel the weight of all my unsaid shouts in my throat

I am at my wits end

It is easy to believe I will die before I am able or aloud to shout again and by then it will be too late

[beholdaman69]

My mom signed up for ride or die with her husband but I’m about ready to jump out the fucking car

[beholdaman69]

Went to dinner with my grandfather and family and ran into my aunt and uncle from my dads side (I’m NC with him) and one of the first things my aunt says to me is that I look nice and like I lost weight definitely didn’t want to respond “thanks it’s the malnutrition”

[beholdaman69]

So currently my family can’t afford rent because a new company bought our apartment so we knew we’d have to move before they enforce the change well that originally gave us about a month to pack and move 3 1/2 hours away to my grandmothers however now we only have til next Thursday and I am

Stressed

[beholdaman69]

Anyone know what it is when you wake up and it just feels like there’s a pit in your chest and you just want to rip yourself apart to fill the emptiness and also you just really don’t wanna talk and nothing is fulfilling and everything is wrong? Like is there a word for it? Is it just depression shining through my normal depression? My autism? Like I have no clue

[beholdaman69]

Wanna feel like less of a person but I have to go to bed very soon so I can wake up bright and early for an ultrasound to make sure my kidney isn’t swollen or making rocks

[akuman0mi]

[griffonatrix]

i’ve seen like six different mentally ill women reblog this today

[loth-catgirl]

well i’ve seen like seven mentally ill women reblog this today

[cipheramnesia]

over 20,000 mentally ill women, great job everyone

[loth-catgirl]

we did it kids, I’m crying, etc

[catboybiologist]

Ive already RBed this but it deserves to be in my blog again

[the-haiku-bot]

Ive already RBed

this but it deserves to be

in my blog again

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[beholdaman69]

Love the changing seasons and that it’s finally cold enough I can wear pants but man getting a headache cause of sneezing which in turn raises my temperature because of my body being a bitch really makes it less exciting

[beholdaman69]

Have to take a drug test if my application gets accepted for a job so now I’m weedless for at least a month and don’t even know if they like my application

[beholdaman69]

Trying to find a job as a fresh high school graduate who also didn’t think they’d live long enough to graduate is sooo hard

I’m just trying to find a job that won’t make me want to off myself but all the jobs I’m interested in either require like 5 years experience or are so physically demanding that my stupid little disabled body can’t handle it

And whenever I try to talk to my mom about the things disabling me I’m “too young” or “well it couldn’t happen to you”

I was complaining to my family that I was trying to find a job that wouldn’t make me want to off myself and my grandfather blatantly stated that every job makes you want to off yourself and that everyone feels like that

[beholdaman69]

Sat in a stool too long now my ass bones hurt

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm so anxious right now. I wonder what would happen if I drank some caffeine

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm scared but faster

[beholdaman69]

Me when I worked at Dunkin’s and would pour 2 monsters into a large cup and chug it

[beholdaman69]

Babygirl is very cute

Taking a nap with me

She is old lady baby

Love her more than life

[beholdaman69]

I need my potential future employers to call me or email me

It’s a position in the same company my mom works at on the other side and I was supposed to wait a week for a response and now it’s been almost 2 weeks and they haven’t responded

My mom told me it’s cause they didn’t like any of the applicants and needed more time to think but they could have at least emailed that they needed more time

My mom was the one to convince me not to call when they told me I should call but I didn’t want to seem desperate and now it’s been almost 2 weeks and I’m still anxious about calling

[beholdaman69]

Beat the bear and the first Thor fight in GOD: Ragnarok for my mom last night and now I’m in a fighting mood might fuck around and get a shooting game just for the fuck of it