All things from sweet tea, pearls, and hospitality, the southern belle is the ultimate signal of how I desire to live my life.
I grew up in South Alabama in the United States. Southern culture is different depending on where you are from. But the southern basics are the same across the board. We love Jesus first and foremost. We don’t play about our family. You better have some respect towards your elders and everyone. Manners above all. Serve others and show gratitude. Always look primed and polished. (I said southern belle not country or hood🥴). Y’all know I always point out the history of the different things I write about so...the history of the term Southern Belle hasn’t necessarily been something very appealing to most people. Southern Belle and Antebellum South stems from slavery, white supremacy, and is the main cause for today’s colorism. As you will be able to tell throughout this blog post, the point isn’t about race at all. But since being in the South, racism is deeply rooted here. I played violin at an old plantation and saw the names and prices of their old slaves. I’m not kidding. So I know the ugly roots down here. But just how I know the ugly, I can acknowledge the beauty that I wish would be acknowledged more. People aren’t kind, elegant, hospitable, or Christian for real anymore. So that’s another reason why I’m making this post. Okay now we got that out of the way let’s get to the table of contents 🥰
Christian Values (this sets the stage for everything else)
Stereotypes that I like 😂
Examples in Media & other misc. info
Our Christian values come first and foremost and sets the stage for everything else. It sets the reasoning for why we do what we do, good or bad (sadly how people try to justify their homophobia or racism with our faith which is far from God 🥴).
“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”Proverbs 1:8 NIV
“She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.” Proverbs 31:15 NIV
“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27 NIV
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 NIV
“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.” Proverbs 31:20 NIV
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8 NIV
“Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” 1 Timothy 5:1-2 NIV
This is just a few of the whole Bible we take so seriously to shape how we choose to live our lives.
I couldn’t think of a more important topic than manners in regards to southern living. I would say it stems from slavery again but I know this is a across the color line. We all have to respect our elders, never talk back, say ma’am and sir plus Mr. & Mrs. [last name], and for the high achievers we have to put some respect on the Dr. they worked so hard for.
Etiquette is so extensive and it’s different for southern belles, daughters of the South.
Southern guys have certain things as well but this isnt about them. (Just a few things for guys: always take your hat off during prayer, always walk on the street side of your child or woman in your life, always stand when a lady walks into a room and offer her your seat, always open the door for a lady, offer to carry her bags or anything she may need to be in assistance)
All Southern ladies know the following from a very young age:
Some basic things we know is how to sit:
We sit like this because it’s the most ladylike way to sit. If you have ever noticed that when you sit any other way, a lot of your thigh or other areas can be seen or breeze can be felt😂. I was in a counseling session and I was just sitting unladylike and she told me. I was so grateful that she told me because men wouldn’t tell you that they can see up your skirt...
It’s proper southern etiquette to send thank you notes to people after they have hosted you. You also try to send RSVP notes as soon as you can. When you are invited to an event you always bring a gift or homemade dish of some kind. This is especially important for when there are funerals, memorial services as well as weddings and the like. This leads to our next topic of hospitality especially hosting.
Southern Hospitality, what we are best known for. Being hospitable is all in being a welcoming, charming, warm, loving spirit to everyone around you especially those who are in need. We, southern belles love hosting events but also being philanthropic. We love hosting philanthropy balls or brunches even auctions(I think y’all can hear that southern auction voice now if you know, you know) Being an amazing hostess involves so much. I’m pretty sure there are books on this alone. But what I can say is southern belles love being hostess. It’s the act of serving others that brings joy to our hearts. For most women, this just brings our feminine traits of being nurturing and caring out. Being a hostess is like being a feminine leader. This also is cultivated in our motherhood and how we choose to be housewives typically, historically. So just recap that hospitality is all about serving others especially the needy and also caring for everyone around us. We love to serve others especially the less fortunate because what if it was us? And God instructs us to be this way. If you know the faith, you know a lot of these traits align with how God wants us Christians to be. In regards to being modest, elegant, classy, refined, set apart, not looking like the world, caring for others, and serving others. Moreover, speaking of elegance let’s get into our next topic.
Elegance is a way of life and state of mind. I wrote an article about cultivating an elegant mind but it all deleted. I never got back around to do that post but I want to. Anywho, elegance in this context is your charm as well as how you carry yourself. A key point here especially for us outspoken whiskey in a tea cup southern gals, we have to practice decorum. We have to know the importance of decorum. (All the extreme feminist who say this is outdated or whatever, this isn’t the post for you, keep scrolling because elegance and all these things will never go out of style, it’ll always make you stand out) So with that being said, a short little example of how I have practiced decorum was when I was kindly suggesting for some other people to shut up basically. But I asked them why were they being so rambunctious and disrespectful when they aren’t like that with the men authorities. When they first saw me step up to them they were saying I looked so classy and my makeup looked so beautiful. But once I said something they got defensive and even started mocking my calm and collected voice. They started threatening to fight me or whatever. But this young man, was defending me and commending me for being able to carry myself with such class and lead by example. It’s one thing to tell someone what to do when you aren’t doing it. But it’s another to just question someone on why they do what they do and also your daily actions show that you are an all around classy young lady. Elegance is a form of respect that you show towards others and yourself. See having decorum isn’t just for your own benefit but it’s also to once again serve and care for that other person. You are treating others how you will like to be treated. And like I said before elegance is a state of mind so I really need to write that blog post. However, the state of mind in this sense is that any room I walk into, I bring in a sense of peace and serenity. If that isn’t working then you address that issue in a way that is still calm and shows that you have great poise. This is so important for my girls who love to just snap off on people, fight and be not very pleasant thinking that gets their point across. It doesn’t. So do some self reflecting on what areas in your life can you grow in, in regards to how you communicate with others. How can you be more graceful, elegant and gracious to others in your tone of voice but also your word choice. See the down side to some southern belles is that we are still whiskey in a tea cup. We can and will burn you with just one little sip. Southern darlings don’t have to cuss to tear someone all the way down. We can just not invite them to a party we’re hosting or make a bad pie (the help 😂). But in correlation to communication, we can cut people with our words because we are blunt. We will tell you how it is. We will tell you to your face as well as gossip. That’s another thing gossip is such a small town thing to do but it isn’t very elegant nor classy. But regardless point is that the darlings are elegant. They know how to carry themselves with class and know how to put someone in their place if need be, with elegance, class even a charming smile. Don’t let out southern twang in our sweet voices fool you. Some southern women can be the meanest people you’ll ever met. I don’t think anyone should be mean but just get the point that people can look so precious. But actually when they are calling you precious they are talking down to you. Y’all may not know this southern stuff. But it’s crazy how we can say aww sweetheart and be the most shady. Anywho next topic goes along with what I was just saying...the stereotypes I like 😂
