Belliniour

𓇖| INTJ | 5w6 | pisces | phlegmatic | reading my only therapy i can afford | write poetry sometimes |𓇗

[belliniour]

Deleting the app maybe for a year, or at least until the things be different. I don't want to vent here about how life sucks anymore.

See you next time🤍

[docendoediscimus]

The last lines of the Divine Comedy (in order; Inferno, Purgatorio, Paradiso), Dante Alighieri.

[betryl]

Isn't it amazing how pretty much every single story that exists is probably someone's favorite thing? Like you read a nice book and then never think about it again, but someone else considers it their favorite novel of all time and they think about it every day. I just find it so sweet that we're all moved by and connect with so many different things in such different ways

[reeces--pieces]

i'm just confused

there is nothing here for you to see let me drape this curtain over you give me time to adjust to this new view let me grab my silverware to consume you

i'll become everything you wish you were i'll forget myself to become perfect for you i'm the visage that taunts you at night somehow perfectly fucked up in the wrong way

is it okay that i long to have you by my side in both life and death, though we've just met does it worry you? will you find my mind? and would you even give a shit if i died?

tell me that i'm perfect for you i need to hear this before i die that i'm everything you've ever wanted and that i'm irreplaceable in your heart

[belliniour]

I wish the regret ache in every scar I left on you

[belliniour]

And suddenly, it's December. And you're not 17 anymore, and you haven't been 17 for a long time. But sometimes, you need to remind yourself.

[belliniour]

Everyday I fight the urge to remind you of me, want to see you still remember what I do too. Every second of my life filled with many things every time it's not the same anymore, but grief stays here for evermore. Grief is a reminder that once there was love. Never truly vanishes and never really stops. I want to know if you feel it too, like my heart is still miss the part. But instead I lay here, bare in rare peace to something to miss. My love was never mine, but always yours to you. And I hope my grief can make room for only me to stay too. You're always near but near close. This is how things are should be, I suppose. Love was never blind, but always saw it coming. That sleepless night we shared, was needless to say the truth. That you and me will always be in loose. I fight to urge to run to you. Every time I'm alone the aim is seeing you. But you're always near but never close. So I should not wait, I suppose.

[belliniour]

I hate you. Phew, I finally said it. I in fact do, hate you so bad it hurt to look at you (but I still look after you everywhere I turn). Hate you that even thought of you is filled with hatred (for myself)

[belliniour]

I'm again stuck in this endless loop of denial and terror, the errors I keep making haunts me. Never leaves my side and never truly vanished. I want to run away so badly, but everybody know I can't, what's inside me known only to me. This despair, hunger, nausea is intoxicating, not in romantic way though.

My fears keep becoming stronger and stronger day by day, the chances of me being all alone, getting higher and higher. And it's getting so bad that it's usual so. I don't want to keep going like this, but somehow, that's the only way is known to me.

My desire to be seen is always suppressed by my toxicity of avoiding attachment. I'm tired of acting strong, I'm so weak, that even my knees don't listen to me.

My tears desperate to try to escape my eyes and keep falling and falling. I want to see the ending of all this agony, that even in the end will be with me.

[belliniour]

I'm again stuck in this endless loop of denial and terror, the errors I keep making haunts me. Never leaves my side and never truly vanished. I want to run away so badly, but everybody know I can't, what's inside me known only to me. This despair, hunger, nausea is intoxicating, not in romantic way though.

My fears keep becoming stronger and stronger day by day, the chances of me being all alone, getting higher and higher. And it's getting so bad that it's usual so. I don't want to keep going like this, but somehow, that's the only way is known to me.

My desire to be seen is always suppressed by my toxicity of avoiding attachment. I'm tired of acting strong, I'm so weak, that even my knees don't listen to me.

My tears desperate to try to escape my eyes and keep falling and falling. I want to see the ending of all this agony, that even in the end will be with me.

[crimsolyn]

[belliniour]

Perhaps everybody has a garden of Eden, I don’t know; but they have scarcely seen their garden before they see the flaming sword. Then, perhaps, life only offers the choice of remembering the garden or forgetting it. Either, or: it takes strength to remember, it takes another kind of strength to forget, it takes a hero to do both

Giovanni's room. James baldwin

[belliniour]

When you look at me,

All I see in your eyes is regret.

Regret, as if, I wish I never let her go,

As if, I'm sorry that we didn't work out.

When I look at you,

I think you see,

How much dear you were to me.

How far i could have done for you.

And how even through sorrow, I clinged to you.

Author: me(belliniour)

[5vkklt]

SO AM I STILL YOURS - poem by kaia

I heard she’s got a smile that lights up a room

Funny how I never even noticed you moved

One day we’re laughing, the next you’re cold

Guess I was so blind while you let me go

Late nights, thought I had your heart in my hands,

Now she’s in your arms

was that part of the plan?

Was I a game? Did I play the fool?

I’m stuck in the echoes of saying

“I love you”

i said

“I love you”

why aren’t you saying it back?

are you hiding something from me?

this is so suspicious.

Did I miss a sign, did I lose my place?

Or was she always written in my space?

You told me I was all you’d ever want

So, why’s she there when I’m still holding on?

did I disappear?

Was I just a moment,

now she’s your forever?

Tell me the truth

was I ever enough?

Or did I break while she picked you back up?

I’m falling apart while you’re giving her more

So am I still yours?

answer me,

listen to me,

You’re not listening

why are you ignoring me?!

I guess secrets taste sweet when nobody knows

But I’m choking on words I never let show

Was she a spark while I burned too slow?

Or did you love me and just let it go?

Did you change your mind while I played it cool?

Was she always there while I loved you?

You swore I was the one you’d never leave

So, why’s she there where I used to be?

so….

am i still yours?

[belliniour]

I wish I hugged you tighter, I felt like it was the last time thing, but I pray with all my heart, that It is not.

[belliniour]

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

[belliniour]

Silence weakens love, especially if you add youth to the mix.